Steven waited outside of the barn with the others; Peridot stayed with him, not daring to go inside. Pumpkin was still with her, though the green gem had mentioned something about sending her off with Lion and Connie whenever they got back and getting Greg to watch her. Lemon Lime stayed with them, Berry's gem cradled in his hands as he sat next to Peridot. Beside him sat Rhodonite with the Rutile twins gem, and Poppy with Aqua's. Amethyst still had Pearl's, pacing back and forth with her hands folded around the gem carefully, gently but firmly as if she was afraid of dropping it. The hybrid glanced up every now and again, checking over all of the gems, but a few hours passed without much luck. Connie still hadn't returned - Steven figured she was helping the citizens of Beach City evacuate. He wondered for a moment if he should have gone with them, but at the same time, he felt like he'd be better off here. In case something else happened, or Melanite found them, he needed to be sure he was ready to fight.
He did find himself growing increasingly anxious the more time passed. Bismuth hadn't shown up with the Sun Incinerator and Fluorite and Padparadscha, and the hybrid would be lying if he said he wasn't about ready to march down to the beach house himself to see if they were okay.
But he stayed still. And he watched. And he waited. And he thought.
(And he sat, and he stared, and he thought, and he wondered if this was the extent of his punishment, if this was the worst of it. In solitude, isolation, silence, there was nothing. In the time between the moment he'd been thrown into the Room and the time he'd fallen asleep and woken up to find that the lights were flickering, there had been nothing but total darkness surrounding him on all sides. Steven had never liked the darkness. Not because he was afraid, but because there was just something, something about it that made it feel so endless, like it could stretch on for miles and miles and no matter what he did, where he turned, he was alone. Alone in an endless, black void. Alone with his thoughts - his dangerous, traitorous thoughts.
(They had always loved the darkness, after all.))
He breathed in and swallowed, shaking his head to clear it. His gaze trailed briefly to Peridot, sitting beside him, and then to Amethyst, as he reminded himself that, no, he wasn't alone.
The hybrid shook his head again and turned his attention back toward Peridot for a moment. The green gem's eyes were rooted to the barn, lightly stroking her hands over Pumpkin's side as she stared, and Steven understood. She hadn't been back there since she'd reformed, had she? He could imagine how painful it would be to enter again, to look around and see all the things that had been hers, and Lapis's, and… stars… Steven softened for a moment, following her gaze. This had been their home, the two of them. She'd taken them here, but being there, surrounded by memories of her, things that were hers, must feel like some cruel joke right now.
And still, despite himself, despite the situation they were in, he felt an almost overwhelming urge to take her hand and lead her inside and just remember with her (because as much as it hurts, as horrible as it is, Steven knew that Lapis deserved nothing less than to just be remembered.) But he didn't dare. He didn't know if she was ready for that. He almost hadn't been ready for it.
Peridot stood suddenly, and Steven startled for a moment, watching her. The green gem hesitated, eyes on the barn, then flicked her gaze down to him. Nothing in the world could have prepared him for the amount of determination flickering through her eyes; for the first time in a long time, her gaze was bright, and it wasn't because she was fighting or training. They were bright and filled with emotion, emotion he couldn't quite place. There was grief, yes, and pain - but there were also so many other things he hadn't expected to see right then, not so soon yet. And beyond it all there was a question, a question he only needed to stand up to answer.
And he did.
She took a breath and turned away from him, back to the barn, but Steven halted her by reaching out and taking her hand as he had wanted to, offering a light squeeze - a gentle reminder of it's okay, I'm here for you - and letting Peridot lead them off only when she was ready. She was slow at first, hesitant, and Steven understood. She shifted Pumpkin to one arm so she could open the door when they reached it, fingers inches away. Steven threw a quick glance back over his shoulder, toward the others. Amethyst had stopped pacing and was watching them worriedly, and Lemon Lime, holding Berry's gem close to his chest, hadn't taken his eyes off of Peridot for a second. Steven found his eyes searching for Spinel's, however; his gaze met hers for a split second, seeing the understanding flickering through her eyes. She looked back at him, and then toward Peridot, and then offered him a very small, encouraging smile. Meeting her gaze, he heard the unspoken words: you've got this. You've got her.
He steadied himself and turned away as Peridot opened the door, and stepped inside with her silently. He understood that this was the closure she needed; she needed to be able to do this, for herself just as much as Lapis. It was always going to hurt to remember her - but there were good things, too, good memories and good feelings that could still come back. He knew that. And he wanted her to be able to see it too - especially now, with the threat of Melanite looming over them, knowing very well this could be her last chance at getting that closure for a while. They were going to have their hands full soon enough with everything that was going on.
Peridot sucked in a shuddering breath, one that didn't come back out, and Steven silently shifted his focus back to the green gem. She was silent for a while, simply looking around. That unreadable emotion flickering through her eyes shifted into something else, grief and sorrow and pain all at once. Pumpkin wriggled in her arms, whining softly; Peridot shook her head, hesitating at first, before pulling her hand away from Steven's and reaching down carefully to put Pumpkin on the floor. The orange creature wove around her a few times, looking concerned, then let out a quiet whimper and looked toward Steven. The hybrid glanced down at her briefly, then looked back up at Peridot, watching as she struggled to take in the sight of the barn again. Tears welled up in her eyes, glistening slightly in the dim light, but they didn't fall just yet.
"Peridot…" Steven hesitated for a moment, watching as she looked around. Her eyes fell onto the television, the tape recorder, the leaf. Everything that was Lapis's. The hybrid took a brief look around himself, taking in everything he'd seen when he came back here weeks ago.
Peridot didn't say anything immediately. She moved away from him, briefly inching closer to the tape recorder, and Steven watched her carefully as her gaze flicked over it slowly, steadily.
Grief shadowed her features for a moment, consuming everything else. She reached out to brush her fingers over the ribbon, and Steven softened slightly as he watched her, turning to take a few steps closer. He did lean down to pick Pumpkin up, since the little orange creature wasn't really moving, simply standing and watching Peridot with a worried gaze. She snuggled close to him as he held her in his arms, keeping a careful, steady hold as she pressed the side of her face into his chest and peered up at Peridot. The green gem, after a moment, took a deep breath and turned back to him, a wistful kind of sadness in her gaze as her eyes sought his out. "Sorry," she apologized in a breathy whisper, voice trembling. "But… I know we can't stay here." She looked around, distant eyes roaming across the barn. The tears that had welled up in her eyes receded to the corners and finally fell. "And I didn't want to leave without saying goodbye."
"You don't have to apologize, Peridot," Steven told her softly, swallowing past the lump that formed in his throat in response. He moved toward her, watching as she lifted her hand to rub her eyes under her visor, and stopped with only a few inches of space between them. "I understand." He looked down at Pumpkin, resting steady in his arms. She shifted and leaned forward a little, closer to Peridot, and the green gem reached out to touch the sides of her face lightly without quite taking her from the hybrid. "We could stay… we're far away enough that…"
Peridot shook her head and sighed, a heavy, shuddery sound, and looked back up at him again. "We shouldn't. We're too far away. I'm not saying we should rush back in, but… we should at least be close enough that they wouldn't storm through Empire City and level the rest of the Earth trying to look for us." She fell silent, stroking a hand over Pumpkin's side, and frowned.
Steven twisted his mouth slightly, humming a begrudging agreement. He looked down, watching her thumb absentmindedly rub across Pumpkin's side, and shifted his hold after a moment to rest his own hand over hers. She looked up at him then, her gaze holding his own steadily, and the hybrid managed to turn his lips upwards into a soft, comforting smile - or at least, an attempt at one. He didn't know how effective it was, but Peridot managed to blink some of her tears back for a second as she gazed at him, so maybe his efforts weren't entirely in vain. "Wherever we go, we'll figure it out. And then we can come back… and you don't have to say goodbye. Not to the barn," he added the last part a little quieter, glancing away from her for a moment to look around. "I know she's not here anymore… but this was your home. You've got so many memories here, just for the two of you. You deserve to keep those." He curled his fingers around her hand somewhat absently, blinking a few times past the stinging in his own eyes, and sucked in a shuddering breath as he looked back down at her. "And she deserves to be remembered."
Peridot swallowed and blinked, a few more tears falling. But her lips curved upwards after a moment into a tentative looking smile, genuine but sorrowful, and she huffed out a quiet laugh as she dropped her gaze back to where their hands rested against Pumpkin's side. Her fingers twitched against his, her thumb coming up for a moment to rest over his knuckles, and she swallowed again, hard, and managed a faint nod. "Yeah…" She laughed again, sharp and choked, but the sound was still somehow so soft and gentle and… warm. "Yeah. She does."
Steven smiled slightly, himself, squeezing her hand. "She loved you too, you know," he murmured, and Peridot's gaze lifted back up to him again at once. "She loved you a lot. That's why…" He stopped, almost hesitating. But Peridot tilted her head toward him, her gaze searching his own, wide and imploring and practically begging for him to continue, and he did. "That's why she didn't tell you what she was doing, Peridot. That's why… why you couldn't have done anything. She didn't tell you because she was trying to protect you. Because she loves you. Because she knew there was a chance she…" His mouth ran dry mid-sentence, throat constricting violently, and he squeezed his eyes shut for a moment, breath hitching in an inhale.
Peridot's breathing hitched as well, only slightly. He watched her blink a few times, more tears spilling, as her gaze finally left his. She looked at Pumpkin for a moment, meeting the little orange creature's gaze silently, and her mouth opened and closed for a moment with no sound before she finally managed to whisper, "she knew she wasn't going to come back, Steven."
Steven tightened his grip for a second, just a second, then forced it to relax. "... I know…"
"But it was worth it. For you. For even a sliver of a chance…" Peridot's voice trailed for a moment, faltering to nothing. "And I know what she did… tried to do… was the right thing."
"I wish she hadn't," Steven admitted in a whisper. "She didn't deserve…"
Peridot shook her head and looked up at him. "But it wasn't your fault."
Steven bit his lip, silent for a moment as he looked away from her, eyes fixing on the hammock for a moment instead. He knew that logically, he knew Lapis's death wasn't anyone's fault but Blue Diamond's, and yet… and yet the guilt he felt was stifling, choking, blinding. It was so horribly twisted, especially since he knew deep down that he shouldn't be feeling guilty for something he couldn't control, something he couldn't have imagined, even in his darkest dreams, would have happened - could have happened. But this wasn't about his guilt. That was something he'd have to work through in time. "It wasn't your fault either," he finally spoke, quiet, as he turned his gaze back to her, searching her face carefully. "You couldn't have stopped her."
"I wouldn't have wanted to." Peridot cracked a shaky smile, her expression unreadable for a moment. Steven understood before she continued, after a few seconds' pause. "I would have gone with her. Stars… I would have happily… even knowing what would happen, I would have."
He understood.
(He'd have done the same thing.
He still would.)
"I miss her," Peridot whispered after a few seconds.
Steven breathed in, sniffling a little as he cleared his nose and then his throat, and heaved out a soft, shaky sigh. He smiled, faint and exhausted and pained, but genuine all the same. "Me too."
Peridot smiled back at him, hesitantly, then suddenly giggled. "And this is the worst time to."
Steven shook his head a little and squeezed her hand lightly, shifting his grip a little to hold Pumpkin more comfortably. "No… it's not. It's never… the worst time to miss someone you love… someone you lost." He stopped and swallowed, breathing in through his mouth this time. His chest shuddered a little, despite his attempts at controlling his breathing, but he gave up after a moment. It took him a second to realize he was crying - subconsciously he supposed he knew he was doing it since he couldn't seem to stop blinking through the tears, but it still startled him all the same to feel that his cheeks were wet now, and his eyelashes were sticky from tears.
Peridot cracked a smile, an almost bittersweet one, and opened her mouth. But she paused before she could say anything, glancing past him, and Steven twisted around at once to look. He relaxed a little upon realizing nothing dangerous was going on outside, but perked up again almost at once seeing the familiar white glow of Pearl's gem. Peridot pulled her hand away after a second, taking Pumpkin from him, and Steven turned back to offer her one last, warm smile before he turned to make his way out of the barn, with the green gem keeping pace behind him.
He stepped outside, wide eyes focusing on Pearl's gem. It was hovering in the air, simply spinning and glowing; Amethyst stood a few feet away, hands clenched tight at her sides as she watched. Her gaze flicked over to them briefly as they exited the barn, but it didn't take long for her attention to fall back to the gem, especially once Pearl finally started to actually reform.
Immediately, Steven knew something was different, before the glowing had even died down. The pale gem landed gracefully on her feet, almost exactly the same; her outfit was the only thing different, and Steven couldn't help but stare. Her dress was gone, replaced with a simple teal shirt, and she'd traded in her yellow shorts for a pair of blue pants that didn't reach all the way down to her ankles, and her shoes were now a soft, bright pink; no socks. But the most notable difference was the short-sleeved, light blue jacket she was wearing; Steven's eyes widened slightly, shuffling a few steps forward to get a better look as Pearl blinked open her eyes and turned, a briefly alarmed expression crossing her face before it fizzled out to relief.
Steven saw Amethyst's expression darken, and he knew what was coming before it came.
"You idiot!" The purple gem seethed before Pearl had a proper chance to take anything in, and the pale gem's blue gaze snapped down to her at once, alarm returning, and then confusion. Amethyst lifted a hand, jabbing a finger in Pearl's direction as she went on, "what the hell were you thinking, huh? You can't just- throw yourself in front of me like that in the middle of a fight! Do you have any idea how mortifying that was? You scared the living crap outta me, Pearl, I-"
"Amethyst," Pearl started, and Amethyst raised a hand.
"Not! Finished! Don't you ever- ever- do anything that reckless or stupid again, I swear-"
Pearl rolled her eyes and stooped down to Amethyst's level, kneeling in the grass gracefully in front of the purple Quartz, and Steven's eyes widened, freezing in complete shock, as the pale gem took Amethyst's hand and tugged her forward into a kiss. He couldn't keep his face from heating up in time - jeez, it was just like watching Ruby and Sapphire kissing all over each other - and yet he found himself unable to tear his gaze away from the adorable scene they made for a moment. He did, eventually manage to look away, clearing his throat, but not before he had the chance to see Amethyst's pupils shrink in complete, absolute shock. He also caught Lemon Lime and Candy's surprised gazes, watching them exchange startled looks, staring at each other, and then the other two, and then back at each other again. The kiss didn't last too long; Pearl pulled away rather swiftly, leaving a stunned, blushing Amethyst completely frozen.
Steven risked a glance back at them, watching their faces flush at the same time; Amethyst turned a much darker shade of purple, while Pearl's cheeks tinged a light blue. "I did it for you," the pale gem told the smaller Quartz, looking somewhat flustered now. "And I would do it again."
"That was a really nice way of telling me to shut up," Amethyst stammered, then blinked, an indignant look suddenly flashing across her face. "Wh- wait, no, what the hell did I just say?!"
Steven giggled a little, scrubbing his face clear of the dried tears on his cheeks. Pearl paused and looked up, the blush on her cheeks fading at once as she pushed herself up and spun around to head over to him, and the hybrid greeted the pale gem with a faint smile as she approached. "Welcome back, Mom. And before you ask, yes, I was crying, but yes, I'm okay." He smiled and rubbed his face again, stepping closer and reaching out to pull her into a hug.
"Oh, Steven…" Her arms wrapped around him, holding on tightly, but she pulled back after a moment and frowned down at him, reaching out to touch where his shirt had been torn, still stained with blood. Relief and warmth rapidly faded into concern, wide eyes darting back up to his face. "Are you alright? What happened?" She paused. "Oh… oh, stars, what's going on-?"
"We had to retreat," Steven told her before she had time to really start panicking. "Everyone's fine, we got out safely. Berry and the others haven't reformed yet… Bismuth's getting the Sun Incinerator and she hasn't come back yet, but…" He grimaced, twisting his mouth sharply, and Pearl's eyebrows furrowed slightly at that, looking concerned. "Um, Garnet and Connie are helping everyone evacuate Beach City. Dad's safe too. They're just getting everyone to safety before we figure out what to do about Melanite." His expression shifted a little as he spoke her name, eyes narrowing slightly, but he forced it to smooth back to a neutral expression again.
Pearl frowned, resting a hand against his cheek. "And you're not hurt?"
"No," Steven assured her. "I healed myself."
Pearl frowned, looking down at the tear in his shirt again for a moment, but she nodded and pulled back. Steven took a moment to glance down, himself; he suddenly didn't like the idea of having his gem out right then. He hadn't liked it during the battle and he didn't like it now either - except, now, he actually had the chance to fix it… he shifted a little, thinking, but perked up a little, remembering that he still had a few bubbled shirts in his gem that he hadn't put away yet. He summoned one from his gem to pull over his crop top while Pearl turned back to the others. Not exactly armor, but it would have to suffice - at the very least, it would cover his gem up.
He pulled the shirt over his head and paused, looking up when Lemon Lime suddenly gasped. The Peridot fumbled with Berry's gem - which was glowing now - for a second before he simply put it down in front of him and watched, wide-eyed, as the Ruby finally began to reform. Steven took a few steps closer, relieved; he was still surprised that it had taken this long for her to come back, but he'd never seen her poof before either. The hybrid adjusted his shirt, settling his hands over his stomach for a moment, and simply stared until the red glow began to die down.
Berry landed on her feet, stumbling a bit, and whirled around, hair catching fire at once. "What-"
"Berry, Berry, it's okay, you're okay, we're okay," Lemon Lime was quick to assure her, reaching forward to grab her shoulders, pulling her closer. Berry, while still looking somewhat alarmed, was quick to turn back to the Peridot, and quicker to relax once she got a good look at him.
Steven moved closer, concerned, but he couldn't help but notice how different she looked as well. She still had her visor, and her uniform was mostly the same, color and design-wise - even down to the straps. But the yellow diamond that usually rested in the center was gone, and nothing there to replace it. Her sleeves were a little bit longer too, reaching just above her elbows now, and the gloves she wore were shorter, only inches above her wrist, and the yellow trimming was replaced with a bright red. And on her left hand, where her gem was, there was a cut in the fabric the shape of a star, just big enough around to fit her gem in the center perfectly.
"What happened?" The Ruby demanded, pulling away from Lemon Lime slightly, though not enough so the Peridot couldn't keep his arms around her. He busied himself with pinching the flames out of her hair after a moment, frowning, while Berry took a quick look around, seemingly doing a headcount. She paused when her eyes landed on him, and then Peridot, and then finally seemed to realize that they weren't at the beach house anymore. "What's going on?"
"The rebels are here," Candy informed her, tucking her hair back. Berry turned to look at her then, startled. "Melanite and her crew. They ambushed us." She narrowed her eyes, frowning.
Clementine gritted her teeth, eyes darkening slightly. "We had to retreat."
"Why," Berry began, looking puzzled, but fell silent again. "Wait, where are the others? Is-"
"They're okay," Steven interrupted. Berry relaxed at once, looking back at him. "Bismuth's bringing the Sun Incinerator, and Connie and Garnet are helping evacuate the city right now. Everyone else is here." He gestured around them. "Aqua and the twins were poofed, though. You were, too, because the ship crashed into the house. They just haven't reformed yet."
"The ship… oh." Berry's eyes narrowed slightly, finally detangling herself from Lemon Lime.
Steven nodded. "We're waiting for the others. We've gotta figure out a plan."
"Easier said than done," Rhodonite commented, shuddering slightly. "We're outnumbered." Steven frowned a little, biting the inside of his cheek and falling silent. Peridot hummed a quiet, begrudging agreement as she set Pumpkin down; the little orange creature immediately trotted over to Berry, who flinched back away from her at once, pushing herself back toward Lemon Lime. The Peridot wrapped his arms around her, looking amused, while Pumpkin stopped a few feet away and offered Berry a somewhat disgruntled look (which she responded to with a hiss).
Amethyst sighed, picking Pumpkin up herself. "Too bad Pumpkin can't fight," the purple Quartz joked, lightly flicking the creature's stem, and Pumpkin turned to rasp her tongue over her face.
"Says you," Steven mumbled. "Personally, I think she'd be terrifying with a sword."
Pumpkin barked, as if to express her agreement.
Peridot let out a laugh, a sharp huff, as if it had been startled from her. "That's not happening."
Steven smirked a little despite himself, looking down to adjust his shirt again. He only looked back up when one of Lion's portals opened in a familiar flash of pink, and the beast jumped through with Connie, Garnet and Lars, skidding sharply to a stop and turning around to allow the three of them to jump back off while the portal shut behind them. "Almost everyone's out," Connie informed them, sliding off. She still had her sword, but now she also had a duffle bag, one that Steven could safely assume Priyanka had packed full of food and clothes and medical equipment and just about everything else that Connie might need while she's out on the field.
(He wondered for a second how terrified she must be, basically sending her teenage daughter to war. A part of him was surprised that she had even allowed Connie to do so in the first place - but then, knowing just how stubborn the girl could be, himself, he couldn't be too surprised.)
The hybrid sighed, glancing over at Lars as the pink human hopped off next, making a direct beeline over to Rhodonite, Poppy and Spinel, who were quick to show him Aqua and the Rutile twins gems. Lars only frowned, checking the gems over, then turned toward Steven and the others, looking bewildered. "Why would Melanite come here? She was completely obsessed with taking the Diamonds down." He looked irritated for a second, but that steadily fizzled out to alarm, and then a startling mixture of guilt and fury. "You don't think… she's here for us, or…?"
"No," Steven said quickly, shaking his head. He narrowed his eyes for a moment, remembering the deal Melanite had tried to make with him before the fight had broken out, and briefly allowed his mouth to twist into a scowl. "No… I think she came for me. She said something about coming back to Homeworld with her, and that she'd leave everyone else here alone if I did." Berry perked up a little at that, a mixture of surprise and alarm crossing her face. Then she frowned, furrowing her eyebrows, and slowly sank back into Lemon Lime's arms, puzzled.
Lars frowned, and muttered, "sounds familiar."
"Yeah," Amethyst chimed, and snickered. "Except Steven basically told her to fuck off."
"I didn't tell her to-" Steven paused, glancing at Pearl, "-do that."
"Eh, I read between the lines."
Garnet paused, turning toward Pearl suddenly. "Nice form."
"Thank you," Pearl replied, pleased. "I'm particularly excited about the jacket." Steven smiled a little at that, briefly remembering the time Pearl had accompanied him and Amethyst to a concert, putting on a leather jacket and jeans and drinking soda and doing all the 'cool' things she thought she was supposed to do. Ah, admittedly, she had scared him just a little bit toward the end there, but in the long run… it had been nice to spend time with the two of them like that.
(Even though they'd broken the law.)
Peridot stepped toward Connie and Lion, taking Pumpkin from Amethyst again. "Could you take Pumpkin to Greg? I'd rather her not be in the middle of all this," the green gem requested.
Connie agreed at once, putting her bag down and climbing back onto Lion. Peridot exchanged a quick goodbye with Pumpkin (Steven could have sworn he heard Berry mumble 'good riddance', which almost got a chuckle out of him) and told her to 'be good for Greg' before surrendering her over to Connie, and Lion roared another portal to take them back. The trip was rather quick, quick enough that the portal stayed open long enough for them to jump through with Pumpkin, and jump back through without her barely two seconds later. Steven watched them for a moment, staring at the portal until it shut, then took a deep breath and looked up at the sky. Everyone else was there now except for Bismuth, Fluorite and Padparadscha, and with each second that passed, Steven was just growing more and more concerned when they didn't show.
"Connie," he finally spoke, turning to the human. "Can-" He stopped, freezing for a second, feeling the ground rumble under his feet and hearing the familiar whir of a ship, but he was quicker to recognize the sound of the Sun Incinerator this time, quicker to tell the subtle differences between Berry's ship and the one the rebels had shown up in. And sure enough, when he looked up, he was relieved to see the Sun Incinerator swooping down toward them, veering sharply around the gems and skidding to a stop just as the door hissed open.
Bismuth grinned, poking her head out. "Get in, Crystal Gems, we've got some rebels to fight!"
"Heck yeah, back in Bismuth!" Amethyst whooped, spin dashing toward the ship and jumping up at the last second to dive inside. Clementine stood up to follow at once, mouth set in a determined grimace; Spinel bounced after them, followed by Poppy and Rhodonite. Steven watched everyone else gather into the ship, waiting for a moment, then took a deep breath, rolled his shoulders back, and moved forward to follow. He fell into step with Connie and Lion, stopping to let the pink beast enter before him, and spared a quick glance back at the barn.
He stared until Connie took his hand, forcing him back to the present, and turned to look up at the human, eyebrows furrowing slightly. "It's okay," she assured him gently. "We can do this."
"... yeah." Steven squeezed her hand, running his tongue over his lips, and stepped inside.