Chapter 11

I breathe out doing yoga on my pink mat. The beach seems a little bit calm besides the yelling and rowdiness coming from Paul's friends. The two grills are going. Coolers are being opened and closed. I'm just trying to stay peaceful since my miscarriage. I haven't told my parents yet.

I don't wish to hear their opinions nor criticism. "Catch, Quil." Jacob shouts throwing the football over the beach. I watch as it flies in the air. "Eat." Paul say walking up behind me. "Oh." I say getting up and turning to face him. I thank him taking the plate and soda from him.

Paul doesn't speak on the miscarriage. He asks for my wellbeing but that is it. I'm pretty sure he was expecting the baby to be born alive. "Do you wanna eat with me?" "No." "Why don't you come eat with us?" Sam shouts. "Alright." I say walking over. Paul grabs my mat and follow. I make it over to the bunch and sit on the log.

Paul sits next to me. I sit the can of soda in the sand. "So how is everything?" Emily ask. "Things have been mentally horrible since the incident." I say grabbing the fork. "I apologize for her behavior." Sam say.

"Sam, you're not her brother. She's an adult. Her actions are her own. Unlike her, I will wait till I knock her face off." I'm still waiting to see her. "If you run into her. Not like you and Paul will be together after the baby is born." Jacob say.

"But, I will know where she will be at it. You can't change where she lives, Jacob." I snidely say. "Why don't you mind your own business?" Sam ask him. "Just stating facts, Sam." "Facts is that your sister never should've did what she did." Emily say.

"And, you are right. She let her attitude and emotions take over. I mean Paul did cheat on her and get another woman pregnant." "So you're siding by her actions?" Embry ask.

"No. She wouldn't want nobody to do her the same." He say throwing the football to Quil. "Where is she?" I ask Emily. "She's not allowed to hang around us." "We don't like what she did." Sam say staring at Jacob. I bet. I eat the potato salad.

"So Paul really likes you." Emily say. I laugh. "I wore him down. Sometimes it can be unexpected." I softly say looking at him. "Well, you broke him down. You're not my cousin's type." Sam say. "Cause I'm ugly?" "You're not ugly, Mary." He say.

"He means you're African American. Paul has never had an African American female." Emily say. "Nor taking money. He turned into a prostitute, Emily." Jacob snidely say. "His life is his. He's an adult." Sam fiercely say.

"What is the problem?" I ask not understanding his attitude. "My sister's boyfriend cheated on her for $600 and still till this day is dealing with the homewrecker." He spits out. Oh. That is where his anger is coming from.

"It was a mistake." Paul say. "A mistake that you can't let go." Sam say. I smile. Paul won't let me go. He looks at me. I rub on his back. He has such pretty eyes. "Why don't you buy me for $600 and we can cancel out the beginning of Jacob's sentence." I suggest. His cousin groan. They laugh.

"No." Alright. I pick up my fork and go back to eating. "What is funny? This man cheated on my sister. My sister who is pregnant with their child." Jacob say to Embry. "The joke was funny. You can't stop us from laughing, Jacob. That's between her and Paul. Not us."

"You speak to Paul." Sam say. "I ain't gotta speak to him to know how wrong he is. A $600 cheat." He angrily say throwing the football in the water. My jaw drops in shock at how far it went. He can throw. "Now, what we gonna play with?" Quil ask. "Shut up." He spits out storming up to us. He grabs his shirt and towel off the sand and head for the forest.

Now, I feel bad. Sam looks at Paul. "I apologized to Rachel, Sam." "A lot more you have to do. You left her for a woman who paid you $600 for sex." "It was actually $1400. He took my $800 out of my nightstand." I bluntly say. His friends look shocked.

Jacob looks at Embry. He shrugs. "Did you pay her back?" Sam ask his cousin. "For what?" "Sam, we're together. He doesn't have to pay me back." I say shaking my head. "$1400 for Paul." Jared say. "It was worth it." I say grabbing his hand. "No." Jacob growls out heading back for the forest. No what? Wait. Did he just growl? Oh, wow.

"She killed my baby." Paul say making him turn around. "Let's not fight. Keep on going." Embry say. "Stil-" "That's between them, Jacob. Just go." "Not when it concerns my sister. She did nothing to deserve what he did to her." "And, what about what she did to Mary? It was not that serious knowing she was pregnant." He say back.

"I can't defend that action. I gotta support my sister." "It is what it is. You can't stop nothing." He say shrugging. He can't. He turns around and head into the forest. I look at Paul waiting on him to speak. "I got nothing to say." He say in a low voice. I wouldn't either.

"Jacob is right. I am the person in the wrong and I did continue knowing he had a girlfriend." I say feeling bad. He's just being the protecting little brother. "Even if you were in the wrong, she never should've did what she did." Embry say. His friends agree. Right.

XVXXVXVXVXVXVX

(Home)

The AC is flowing through the apartment. The smell of baked fish is too strong but smells very delicious. Paul's hot hands roam all over my butt as I slowly show much I love him on the couch.

"What you want for your birthday?" I ask rubbing my fingers through his hair. His birthday is next week. "Money." He say. "Money? That's all you want." "Sex. Power." He say staring into my eyes. "Power? Is your lights off?" Just a little joke.

He looks towards my living room window. "Maybe we can go out on a date for your birthday." "I'll be working." He'll be working. "All day?" "Hanging with my friends." "Basically, you don't wanna spend your birthday with me." That is what I am sensing.

"I don't." He bluntly say. I simply get off him and walk away when he grabs my arm. "You ready to eat?" I ask pointing to the kitchen. I'm sure he's hungry. He wrap his arm around my waist and plant his nose in my neck. I laugh when he sniffs. "It tickles." I say wrapping my arms around his neck. He put his hand on my stomach.

"Paul, it is no baby." This is getting to be too much. He sniffs my neck again. "Who fault is that?" He has a nerve to asks me. "Rachel." He comes off my neck and looks in my face. "I guess mine! Are you blaming me?" I asks in disbelief.

"I do." "Why?" "Not being able to defend my child." "Would you rather me hit her and in her stomach? Her pregn-" He bends over and pick up his clothes. "Where are you going?"

"Home." I watch in disbelief as he puts on his clothes. I cannot believe that he is blaming me. I follow right behind him as he walks down the hallway and into my room. "How can you blame me, Paul?"

"Child comes first." He say grabbing up his boots. His child comes first? "Due to me miscarrying, you take me as weak?" I ask. "Yeah." He bluntly say. Egg is over my face. I grab myself underwear and a shirt out of my dresser. I put them on. He stands up straight and I block the doorway.

"Do you blame me?" "I blame you." He say walking up to me. "Why?" "Move." "No. I want to know why you blame me. You said the chi-" He grabs my wrist and push me into the dresser hard. My jaw drops in shock. My heart speeds up. He walks out of the room.

I hold my chest. I can't believe he pushed me. I lick my lips debating. Do I chase after him or let him go? He walks back into the bedroom. "Can you carry children?" He asks me. "I can." I say lying. I ain't going to tell him that the miscarriage scarred my uterine wall and fallopian tubes. She shouldn't be hated. Like Jacob said, I was in the wrong.

He stares in my face. I swallow. "Does it matter?" "You can't have kids, Mary." "I can have kids, Paul. Is this who you are?" I ask shaking my head. Is this the type of man? "Lose my number." He say walking out of the room. "For what?" I ask following behind him. He stops walking and turn to me.

"You're hating me cause I lose the baby when it was not even my fault. We can wor-" "I have a girlfriend. I have a chil-" "I know you do. We're dating. We'll raise the baby together or whate-" "Don't need you." He say walking to the door. "Will you stop?" I ask annoyed. He is hurting my feelings. He ignores me unlocking the leaving out. Oh my God!

The next day I told my parents the truth and I lost it all. It was a small ounce of sympathy from my father while my mother gave none. The car. The apartment. The this. The that. All of it is gone. I found myself on the front of street with nothing but boxes of my stuff. I'm glad that I saved money in my bank account to put my items into storage.

I found myself living back in the same homeless shelter that helped me before. The only problem is the doors lock the same time the supermarket closes. When you are not allowed in then you are not allowed in. My job pays too well for me to give it up so I found myself sleeping on bus benches. I gotta do what I gotta do to survive.

I heavily breathe out using the library's computer to look up different motels and hotels in Seattle. Maybe, they're much cheaper. Probably not seeing the type of city it is. Fashion. Stores. Music. This. That. It is much more cheaper to stay in Forks. A newspaper is slammed next to me. "What's this?" I ask grabbing it. I read the title. 18 murdered in Seattle. Killer still on the loose.

"Before you move." Paul say standing behind me. "Just looking for a vacation, Paul. Thanks for the advice." I say closing the web browsers. I log out of the session. I get up grabbing my books and purse. I don't want to stay around him. I leave. I walk away from him. He don't want me cause I can't carry children. I'm not what makes me a woman. A man does not want that.

I walk pass the front desk when Cliff walks out calling my name. "Yes." I say annoyed turning around. "Just wanted to let you know that Claire is up from her coma." "Great to hear." "The police is questioning her. She speaks on you intentionally driving the car into the tree." He softly say. Paul walks up.

"Her words are hers. Mine are mine. I've been cleared of any wrongdoings and told the police every single thing that had happened. So it is her chance to speak her side of the story cause she is finally up from her coma." "You will be okay." "I told the police that also. I told them that I was not going to entertain her nor the issues that my parents have, Cliff."

I'm not in the mood to go back and forth. "Just that if you could see th-" I heavily breathe out taking my butt right to the entrance. I ain't listening to this. "She can see the future, Paul." He say. I don't even stay to hear the response. I leave out of the library. If I could see the future then I would not be in this situation that I am in now. Barren and broke.