Chapter 9:

Talk

Saturday, January 15, 2000

Sirius sat in James and Lily's lounge, awaiting Junie's arrival. His friends had offered him the use of their home as a neutral location while they were off to watch Ginny's first match as a professional Quidditch player. One of the Chasers had been hit with a Conjunctivitis Curse while goofing around with her sister and couldn't see well enough yet to safely play. Marissa's loss was Ginny's gain. Usually, Sirius would be right there with the rest of the gang, but he needed to speak to Junie about what had happened since Thursday. Merlin, has only been two days?"

He grabbed his tea mug from the coffee table and held it between his hands. He was at The Daily Prophet offices by noon on Thursday, questioning not only why Rita Skeeter was allowed to write anything for the paper since he had placed her firing as one of the conditions on which he would take over the debt of the newspaper. Secondly, he wanted to know why the editor, Prolix Profound, had not bothered to contact him regarding a personal story about him. Sirius thought he deserved better and let Profound know it. He left the Prophet offices with his blood pressure up, and a promise that they would leave Junie alone for now, so long as the pair sat down with a different reporter when they were ready to go public. Rita Skeeter was fired; again.

Sirius wasn't thrilled with the fact Junie had closed her Floo to him, and he'd contemplated going to Hogsmeade and walking up, but Lily and Marlene convinced him he'd make more progress if he let her have her time, and they would talk with her in his stead. They'd succeeded in getting her to come today. He did, however, send her two love letters to be delivered to her in her quarters upon waking. Today he included a dozen lavender roses, signifying his enchantment with her.

The fireplace across from him roared to life with green flames, and Junie's face was there, smiling. "Okay, to come through?"

"Definitely," he answered. "Everyone else is at the Quidditch match." Junie's face disappeared, and he saw her foot enter the room. He stood so he could greet her, and it was good that he did, as she wobbled a bit on her landing. She pitched forward, ending up against Sirius' chest. He secured his hands at her waist, hers around his neck. They looked at each other for a long moment before she leaned forward and hugged him.

Sirius wound his arms about her torso and placed his cheek next to her crown. He loved the feeling of holding Junie. His whole body sung in excitement, while deep in his heart, he felt content. For her part, Juniper needed his strength. Friday had been no better than Thursday, and she had to spend part of each lesson answering questions and dispelling myths. The owls, however, had kept up. The worst were letters from Sirius's former girlfriends, either threatening her or warning her to run away. She had to discuss them today. It might make or break their new relationship.

"Thank you for the roses," she said gently. "they're beautiful."

"You enchant me, and you don't even need to raise your wand," he answered, and the comment just sounded too suave to make her comfortable. Pulling away, she reached down for the handles of her canvas bag and picked it up; she'd dropped it when she'd bobbled coming in.

"Do you want some tea? Lils made it, said it was your favourite. I like it," Sirius babbled.

"Sure." Sirius went into the kitchen and returned with a tray holding her mug, the sugar and creamer, and a plate of homemade biscuits. Junie had sat at one end of the sofa and placed her bag in the middle spot, forcing him to the other end. He watched, intrigued as she added just a half teaspoon of sugar. "How have you been?"

Junie looked at him, her lips a thin line, and she tried to speak but was unable to. She started to cry. Sirius moved her bag, took her mug, and placed it on the table, and then gathered her into his embrace and held her while she cried.

"Oh, Luv, I never wanted this for you."

"It's not your fault."

"If I hadn't kissed your hand in London, your secret, our secret, would still be safe."

"Probably not for long," she admitted. "You're one of the most recognizable faces in wizarding Britain."

"You're giving me too much credit," he said, knowing her statement was true. "The Prophet won't print anything without my permission, and Rita Skeeter has lost her job with them, even doing freelance."

"Thank you." Junie's voice was small, and while the tears slowed, they'd not stopped. She loved the warmth he gave her the way she felt special in his arms. It was delightful. That said, the baggage which went with this relationship was cumbersome. Junie sat back a bit, forcing Sirius to release her, although he claimed her hand as his.

"How was yesterday?" he asked.

"About the same as Thursday, although the Headmistress had to announce at lunch that any rumours about my impending parenthood were false and that sharing that bit of information between students or home to parents was to cease at once," Junie had mimicked Minerva perfectly while she said it. "I've had seven letters from parents who wanted me to quit immediately for my immorality. The last I checked, there was nothing in wizarding or British law, which stated one needed to be married to give birth. Those weren't the worst letters, though."

"What could have been worse than that?"

"These," she said, grabbing the canvas bag and dumping the Howlers calling her some horrible things for dating someone like Sirius. The letters from his former girlfriends either giving her advice to run away or yelling at her like she was taking the person they wanted muttering, mumbled, and mocked in a cacophony which even under a Repression Spell Junie found too loud. Sirius lifted several, either listening to them or reading them himself, looking horror-struck."

"I can't believe people would say this," he said, feeling hurt and disgusted that someone didn't have anything better to do with their time.

"Believe it. My neighbour in Sunderland called my Da because my trash was strewn across the lane behind my house. Someone had been going through it to find out clues about us. We aren't a Cluedo game. Then they approached Da at work. I hadn't even told him about our being Heart Bound, let alone that I thought it would work. It's only been one week, and we aren't children! We have lives and responsibilities, and we can't just surrender to hormones and snog for hours!" Junie had stood up, tears still cascading down her cheeks, and her voice was breaking with emotions. She began to pace and wave her arms.

"I had to confess everything to my father in a Floo-call yesterday. It was humiliating, having him ask me if I was pregnant with your child like the reporter said! I've never, I mean, I haven't been with… I haven't cared about a man enough to share that… this whole situation has been mortifying!" Junie may or may not have realized she'd admitted to Sirius that she was still a virgin at forty, but she didn't care. She was angry. Her life had been put on display in a way no one should. She was speaking to the wall or the air at this point. Her eyes kept away from his.

"Then there are these women. What did you do to them?" she asked, finally turning to him. The fear in her eyes caused him to forget to breathe for a second.

"You've either scared them in some way, or you've made them desperate to have you back. There are so many too. I've only dated three men for more than one date, and that includes my stupid seventh-year' relationship' with Scooter McDugan. He was a year younger, and then he got his name, and we were over, which was fine because he drooled when he kissed me." Junie stopped and looked at Sirius; her anger was finally blown out, like the last gasp of a candle before it sputters out. She sat back down next to him.

"Then, you kiss me, and it feels like I'm on fire and floating all at once, and I can't even imagine how intense it would be to have you touch me." Sirius moved closer, wanting to hold Junie, but she backed up. "No, you can't; not yet. Tell me about them."

Sirius looked at this woman who had been vibrating with anxious anger, and for the very first time in his life, he had no idea what to say. His past was just that, the past, and he didn't tend to look backward. Junie had admitted to him that she'd not ever fallen in love, nor had she had a relationship for purely physical reasons. He'd had more of the second than the first, but there were a few women he thought he loved along the way. What could he say to her now?

"I won't claim I was saintly, nor have I been chaste, although I respect you for being so. I have such deep regard for you, Juniper. In school, especially before James was matched with Lily, we made it a game to see how many girls we could snog. We kept a score, and it was childish, but with a singular exception, it never went past a passionate snog in a broom cupboard or some other found private space. Marlene and I were a couple in our fifth and early sixth years, and we shared certain intimacies. When she was matched with Remus, it was painful for all three of us.

"I was a brat back then and talked about what Marlene and I got up to with my roommates. To have one of them end up being her Heart-Bonded mate was awful. I was shocked that Remus was still speaking to me after he found out. Breaking up with Marlene was one of the worst experiences of my life because I think I did love her. They were kind to me for the rest of sixth year, keeping their growing love and intimacy away from me as best as they could. You're acutely aware of how badly I acted out after this."

Junie looked at him, all his desperation and sadness, and her anger slid away from her like the dark when the sun's first rays brighten the sky.

"When I left school, I continued to flirt. I'm good at it, and it allowed me to get away with a great many things. Harry pointed out that he remembers 'a new girlfriend every week' when he was young, and unfortunately, he's not far off. To be clear, though, none of these relationships had any depth to them, and again, it was mostly just full-frontal snogging. I have been intimate with women who I did not love, but it was always in agreement that it was only sex, nothing more."

"How many?" Junie gently asked.

"I've slept with eight women over the years, including one of my best friend's wives. I've also kissed Lily, but you were there when we were playing spin the bottle in fifth year."

"I remember, I intentionally made the bottle miss me. I was the only one not kissed that night." This only went on to highlight just how different the pair of them were. Sirius never missed an occasion to kiss a pretty girl or woman.

"Four of the remaining seven were women I had an arrangement with. The other three were people I was involved with, and if you think about it, you probably know who they are. I brought them to the kids' events and family dinners and such."

Junie considered what he'd said. "Amelia Bones, Madge Lowland and Tina Powell?"

"Not Tina, but Angie Springer, right out of school?"

"I don't really remember her, but after Hogwarts, I was in legal training in both the Muggle and magical worlds. My brain was overstuffed as it was." They sank into a silence that began tolerably but descended into a hollow that felt as cold as the couple's hearts.

Junie had realized Sirius was a flirt, and it often didn't mean much, somewhere in their third year. Girls adored him; he wasn't just handsome, he was beautiful, and they flocked to him. He charmed professors with his skills, and she was sure more than one boy realized they were gay when Sirius gave them a cockeyed smile he was known for. The continuation after they left Hogwarts didn't surprise her.

He had, however, slept with fewer people than she'd expected.

"As long as we're talking about uncomfortable things, can you explain what happened in sixth year?" she asked him.

"Might as well rip the scab off and start over, huh? Marlene's birthday was only two days after Remus,' and he hid his name from us, me. I'm quite sure James knew. She broke up with me on the day of her birthday. I was so upset, and there you were. The only others not paired up in our year in Gryffindor were Peter and Jessie Walker, and that's because their birthdays hadn't happened yet. I know you weren't in our house, but you were there with Lily and Marlene so much you might as well have been. I honestly thought maybe it would work with us since we weren't marked.

"I realized I would need to do a bit of begging to have you forget the whole itching powder incident, which was a complete mistake. We were boorish toward Snape. Yes, he'd been horrible to Lily and called her that awful name just to fit in with the arses in his house, but we didn't need to make his life hell. When he was killed in that accident a few years later, the four of us had an in-depth discussion, which involved several bottles of Firewhisky and a mountain of regrets.

"Anyway, I decided to see if I could flirt you into liking me enough to snog me and make me feel better. The problem was, it turned out I liked you like really liked you?"

"Wh…What?"

"I swear as serious as my name, I was into you." Junie gasped.

"You were interesting to talk to," Sirius continued, "which was what initially made Marlene and me get together. Turns out smart girls make better girlfriends. You were also becoming very pretty. You'd grown into your teeth by then." Junie gave him a look of annoyance. "Sorry, but when you were a first-year, you had too many big teeth in front for such a," he searched for the word, "delicate mouth."

"Glad I grew into them, then," Junie said flatly.

"Anyway, you'd also let your hair grow out, and it really flattered your face. Plus, you let Lily teach you how to put eye shadow on. I was starting to think I really liked you. Then Lisa Grover offered to get me off. She wasn't in our circle of friends, and it turns out it's a better way to forget someone if you aren't with them all the time."

"You made a fool of me, in the Great Hall, in front of the school, because Lisa Grover was willing to get you off? You assumed that I wouldn't do that?"

"I knew you well enough; we all knew you well enough to know you weren't going to be easy with the guys. It's why we all respected you, Lily, and Marlene. Marly and I only had sex twice, and we'd been together for a year, and we thought we were ready. Believe me, if I could take something back, it would be that. It caused Marly and Remus issues until their Bond completely formed."

"It's the first time I've heard you call her Marly. Lily and I do, but you never do."

"No, I don't. I called her Marly while we dated, and it isn't fair for me to use my pet name for her when she belongs to someone else. I don't usually let my mind take me to that time."

"Well, it explains a bit, and I had a suspicion it had something to do with your having to get over Marlene. It was an unpleasant situation for everyone involved. The end of sixth year wasn't happy for anybody. Thankfully we came back in seventh year in better places emotionally." She sighed deeply and wrung her hands. It was a long time ago, and Sirius wasn't a seventeen-year-old boy anymore. If she was honest with herself, he wasn't the issue; it was the press. She didn't realize how much she desired him until now, and her thoughts went to what being with Sirius might be like.

"Where does all this leave us, Junie?" Sirius asked. She looked at him, struggling with the jumble of emotions she had. There was one thing she questioned still.

"I need a few answers."

"Of course, ask away."

"Have you been with any of these 'arrangement ladies' since my name appeared on your birthday in November?" This could be a deal-breaker for her. It would show an utter lack of respect for her and what the Heart-Bond meant.

"No. I was approached twice by the same woman, and I turned her down both times."

"Good," Junie said possessively and with a tiny grin. Sirius returned it, although his was brighter.

"Why did you and Amelia call it off last year?"

"When I stepped into the role of Chief Warlock, it was only supposed to be for a few weeks. When it turned into months, people began to suggest I stay on; we talked and decided that it was making the leadership of the DMLE and the Wizengamot too cosy. She aspires to be the Minister for Magic, possibly when Scrimgeour is done in two thousand-two. The Minister and the Chief Warlock can't be a couple. It's unfair to the people. That's just too much power concentrated in one household. We were not in agreement on the issue of children either."

"I see," Junie said in response. He was so rational about the break-up. Maybe it was a time heals thing, but she didn't know. "What if I said I wasn't sure about having children?"

"I would say, I'm not surprised because neither am I. I love the Potter, Lupin, and Pettigrew kids, and I enjoy being their fun uncle; but having my own? I've never known a woman, before now, that I would want to share the commitment with."

"You'd want to have children with me? I mean, if we make this work and all."

"Yes, because you love those same kids. You're the good auntie, the kind one. I've seen you heal skinned knees and broken hearts, take each one out on a special day near their birthday every year. Your gifts are always thoughtful and in line with what that child would enjoy. Of course, you'd make a stellar mother. I would only have children with someone like that."

"You've made me consider it, although I've been thrilled just being an auntie. I figured I'd live vicariously through our friends and then give them back when the child was overtired or cranky or had dirty pants." Junie confessed. She looked at him and smiled.

"We've talked about so much, and I'm weighed down by it. Can we stop talking about it all and just move past it?" Sirius looked at her flabbergasted. In response, he picked up all the letters, threw them into the grate, and burned them with his wand. "Goodbye to bad rubbish."

"Amen to that."

"So, what should we do with the rest of our day?" he asked her, sitting closer and taking her hands.

"Nothing which involves being in public, unless we're in disguises of some sort. I'm not ready for more pictures to be taken."

"Agreed, although to stop the insanity, I think we need to make a joint statement, give an interview and then ask for our privacy," Sirius explained.

"Okay, a few more weeks. It's winter, and I live in Scotland, in a hidden castle. Anyone dumb enough to try and get a photograph of me at Hogwarts is crazy."

"Too true," he said before hesitantly leaning in to kiss her. They kissed gently for a moment, but when he tried to deepen it, she backed off.

"Sirius, I need to think about what we've said here. Some of what you told me needs deep consideration. If I fall into snogging you, I won't think about it, and if I don't think about it, I might explode sometime in the future." She leaned her forehead against his. "I have an idea. How about if we go to my house in Sunderland and hide out there today and watch movies. It's a Muggle house, so it has electricity, which means I have a TV and a VCR. I just hope you don't short circuit the wires. You're significantly more magical than I am, but I can have Lily and Marly over, and we're okay."

"Can I hold your hand and snuggle while we watch?" Junie grinned and giggled. Sirius Black wanted to snuggle.

"Absolutely."