Chapter nineteen

The next morning had gone a lot better than the previous ones. Benjamin still had a tendency to flinch at Roy's touch when Roy helped wash his hair and redress his wound. He could understand it, though. Now that the young boy's hostility towards him had been reduced considerably, it also meant that he was openly hurting a lot more and he was letting his guard down in a way that made it easier to forget that Roy wasn't the man he wanted the most. And Benjamin had every reason to find Roy placing a hand on his shoulder or similar to be making his grief and sorrow spike, because he instinctively recognised the touch as that of his father's, not of Roy's.

...Or Eyebro's.

However, it seemed that Roy not wearing an eyepatch was something that helped them bond. Apparently it worked as a reminder that Roy was his Eyebro.

And so Roy had spent the entire time at home without his eyepatch. And it was actually a bit of a relief of sorts because the stifling warmth mixed with Roy's fringe, made his forehead feel like a greenhouse, which in turn had a tendency to result in a sweat rash on the skin along the top edge of his eyepatch.

They had also reached a kind of compromise regarding Benjamin's state of dress. Yes, the young boy would wear summer attire, but Roy had transmuted his clothes so that his black shorts were now knee-length, and he wore an open, dark green shirt with sleeves going down to his elbows atop the white t-shirt underneath. That made his clothes a lot less embarrassing and uncomfortable for the young boy's preferences.

...It still didn't change the fact, though, that Roy was a disappointment in a way to the child. He didn't exactly blame him for feeling like that. His Roy Mustang had been a far better man than Roy was. Yes, he had been a killer too, but he was a policeman, not an officer who had been a major contributor to genocide. And that man had also known how many people he had killed. The fact that Roy didn't know that number in his own case never ceased to give him a bitter taste in his mouth.

Roy parked the car in the parking lot outside Central Command. Benjamin sat there, waiting diligently for Roy to walk around to help him out. It wasn't a bad idea at all that Roy helped him with that. The passenger side was on the left, meaning that what he would use to support himself on was in his blind spot, and his depth perception was off. Plus, he wasn't exactly used to sitting in cars in general.

All in all, the boy required a lot of assistance, and Roy didn't exactly object, remembering just how many times Hawkeye had found him groaning at the bottom of the stairs after falling down the last two or three steps.

They would be visiting the Rockbells again this afternoon so that they could have a look at how well Benjamin's wound was healing. As Mrs. Rockbell had been the one performing the surgery, she knew how to assess the wound better than their own GP. Hopefully she'd give them a date as to when to show up to remove the stitches and when Benjamin would be able to stop wearing the bandages. The young boy still felt highly uncomfortable about how much of his head was covered by bandages, and Roy could understand it perfectly. An eyepatch drew a lot of attention, but having almost half your head covered by bandages so as to keep pressure on the large crater in your face was a lot less inconspicuous.

They made their way around the building, Roy keeping his right hand on Benjamin's left elbow to keep him from stumbling and crashing into things.

"Okay, Benjamin, we'll be staying in the office until half past three and then be at the Rockbells' by four."

The kid nodded, looking around at the surroundings with a bit of trepidation, obviously still finding it daunting. "It really is a big building..."

Roy sighed. "Yes, it is. But it's only to be expected when it is in many ways the most important building in the country."

They met a group of soldiers as soon as they got inside, most of them smiling at Benjamin after saluting Roy. One of them stepped forwards, a Second Lieutenant, judging by the rank pins on his shoulders. He had dark brown hair tied back in a short ponytail and looked like he was about twenty-five. "General Mustang, sir. Is it true that your son is responsible for the poem?"

"Yes. He wrote it when he was seven," Roy told him, noticing a faint hint of pride building in his chest as he thought about the fact that his "son" was actually a prodigy that people were obviously impressed by. Even if he was completely out of his depth when it came to poetry himself. But as long as Roy could stay a scientist and not be required to be a poet himself, then it would work out.

The man's eyebrows rose. "That's pretty impressive, sir. And he doesn't get any help?"

It was Benjamin who spoke up.

"Random acts of poetry,

Are my favourite form of artistry.

They bring me joy,

And an awkward Roy.

But he'll have to get used to it,

Because I won't ever quit.

And to you I sound funny indeed,

But let me tell you, it's something I need.

Because when you're listening to this,

You'll see there's something amiss:

As one wades through the water,

To get to one's daughter,

You don't say your "t"s,

But instead make them "d"s.

So to me it is linguistic slaughter."

Roy paused and then looked down at the young boy in a bit of alarm. The polite, young boy had just insulted every soldier in the building. "Benjamin?"

The kid looked up at Roy, a tiny hint of fierce pride in his eye, but also accompanied by a blush and an impending apology. "There were soldiers speaking of how I sound like I have a speech impairment midway through my poem. I wanted to make it clear that that is not the case and that I am merely using my own dialect as I am highly fond of it and I find it gravely insulting when they make such false assumptions." Then he turned to the soldier who stood there frozen and blushing slightly, and then Benjamin bowed at him. "I apologise for my rudeness, sir, but I do not know where my on-the-spot poems will take me and so I have insulted you due to my vexation. I hope you can forgive my transgression and see that it was also meant as a quip and is not to be taken entirely seriously."

There was awkward and shocked silence from the group of now blushing soldiers who obviously had no idea what to say or do. And Roy had a feeling that it had something to do with the fact that Roy was also a General of the military and reprimanding or insulting his son wasn't something that they wanted to do.

And so one of the nearest soldiers began clapping awkwardly.

And so did the rest of them one by one, until Benjamin was receiving a full-on applause. An awkward one, but applause all the same.

Roy had to admit that he found it fairly amusing. And then a couple of officers walked forwards, saluting Roy. "Congratulations, sir. Your son is obviously a very bright and polite boy. I hope you'll enjoy fatherhood," came a female officer, a Major by the looks of it. She appeared to be in her early forties, and Roy could see from her look that she was obviously a parent herself.

Roy nodded at her. He hoped that they would get out of this situation quickly because of Benjamin's real father and the unintentional jab of pain that the comment would cause him. "Yes, thank you. Now, if you would excuse me, I have a lot of work to do, as well as a meeting to prepare for."

The woman saluted him. "Sir!"

Roy saluted back and noticed that Benjamin was giving the rest of the group a small wave, which left most of them highly confused.

And so Roy found himself looking at a group of about fifteen soldiers who first saluted their superior and then waved at Benjamin.

He barely repressed the smile as he led the young boy past them and up to the office. There were a lot of soldiers smiling at Benjamin as they passed them, and Roy knew that the poem had obviously become rather popular among the soldiers.

...And most people also seemed to find it highly amusing that one of the most renowned scientists in the country had fathered a poet.

Roy, however, was beginning to realise that the kid was growing on him. He certainly had a way with words that Roy had never encountered before, and especially not in a child. Benjamin could talk himself out of just about anything by the looks of it. And he was finding it pretty amusing himself to watch as Benjamin left the others stunned and clueless as to how to respond to an ultra-polite, endearing nine-year-old who had a way with words far superior to their own.

Basically, the kid was so good at what he was doing that it didn't matter that he was in many ways apparently quite the opposite of his "father".

And in a way, Roy was happy for him. Because that meant that he wouldn't have to grow up in Roy's shadow.

At least I hope so...

Winry was very happy when she heard the knocks at the door. She had missed Ben. He felt a bit like a little brother already and he was very sweet and likeable. She still felt awkward around General Mustang, though. It was all very complicated and confusing, and so her main focus was the young, innocent boy.

...Even if he looked so much like the man who killed her parents.

But it gave her a strange sort of happiness to see it. Because she could tell that Benjamin would help inspire General Mustang to complete his goal. And she knew that when the General reached the top, then Benjamin was going to help him be a good leader. Ben would bring him some much needed happiness that would keep him going and teach him how to enjoy life. She could just tell that Ben was going to do that. After hearing him talk about his dad, Winry knew that once the General started getting used to his new role and got closer to the young boy, then Ben was going to bring something invaluable into his life.

And so Winry was sad, happy, confused, and most of all, very ready to hug the young boy. She had been worried about him. She knew that he must be hurting in a way that was impossible to imagine. And that was also one of the reasons as to why she wanted to hug him.

...And so that was exactly what she did when she opened the front door and found Ben standing there next to General Mustang. She was immediately kneeling down and pulling the young boy into a hug, receiving one in return. "Hello, Miss Winry, how are you doing?" Ben asked, still hugging her.

"I'm very good, Ben. What did you think of your new room?" She had given up on telling him not to use "Miss" in front of her name as it tended to make him very awkward and uncomfortable.

"It is very nice, thank you, Miss Winry. I am highly grateful for your assistance with preparing it. Did you know, I have three guinea pigs now? Their names are Bernard, Archie and Wilf and they make the most endearing little sounds."

Winry had to admit that she hadn't seen that one coming. "Oh, that sounds very nice, Ben. Now let's get inside and you can tell me more about them when Granny's done assessing your wound."

"May I borrow the lavatory to relieve myself first?"

Winry pulled out of the hug and smiled at him. "Of course, Ben, I'll take you there," she said, taking his left hand in hers and guided him to the bathroom door. She was sad to see that the skin under his nose was rather red because he had obviously been crying a lot and had needed a lot of tissues as a result.

"Thank you, Miss Winry," Ben said sweetly before he went inside the bathroom and locked the door, leaving Winry alone with the General.

He was still standing by the now closed front door, looking at her with a kind of stony expression that he seemed to employ when unsure of how to react to the situation. Then he sighed, a faint smile on his mouth. "You're wondering about the guinea pigs, aren't you, Miss Rockbell?"

"I know that Elicia said that a pet was her big dream, General, but three of them?" she asked, not able to keep her curiosity to herself.

"There was a girl who came into the pet shop with her mother and she was a real brat who wanted entertainment and little else because she was bored. She wanted a guinea pig, but there was a sign saying that you had to buy two..." He sighed again. "There were three left and she said that only two of them were cute and that the smallest one, a brown beige one whose fur sort of looked golden in the light from the lamp in the ceiling was apparently "ugly". That meant that the scared, little runt was going to be left alone while losing his brothers to someone who wouldn't treat them like they should at all..."

Winry's eyes widened with a kind of amused realisation. "...They reminded you of Ed and Al?"

He sighed yet again, reaching up his hand and scratching his head slightly. "...I'd slept too little and I suddenly got some very interesting mental pictures of the runt all alone in its cage with a piece of chalk in his mouth, drawing up a human transmutation circle, followed by some very horrid pictures of a screaming guinea pig with two missing limbs... And even as that scenario was scientifically possible, it wouldn't change the fact that I would have been condoning animal cruelty by just letting that brat and her mother buy the other two..."

Winry couldn't help the snort of laughter. "That's not exactly something I would have expected of you, General..."

There was another sigh indicating that he was slightly exasperated with himself. Winry was finding it strange how un-militaristic their conversation was. But then again, things had changed because of Ben. "What can I say? I guess it's the curse of the runt... Said runt is now Wilfred, or Wilf, which I am frankly grateful for, because we'll be taking them to the vet next week to get them looked over... Nine-year-olds could give them all sorts of names, and Wilfred is a hell of a lot better than "Mr. Squeaky", you know?"

Winry couldn't help but giggle slightly, before sighing herself, looking down, not daring to look at him as she asked him. "So you're really starting to become a father, then?"

"Well, thing is, it's a lot easier on us both with the arrangement we've now come to... Instead of me replacing his father, I've assumed the role of an oddly big big brother..."

"Oh, I see... That's probably better for Benjamin."

"It appears so... Thank you for your help when you found him... Due to your quick way of thinking, even if your initial conclusion was faulty, you probably saved his life... And kept Captain Hawkeye and me out of prison."

Winry looked back up at him at that. "How did things go with the first time they met?"

"Very well. So well, actually, that there's now a poem hanging in the entrance hall at Central Command written by Benjamin Mustang with an illustration courtesy of Riza Hawkeye. He gave the one hundred thousand cens he earned from it as a donation to a rabbit rescue centre..."

Winry froze, using a few seconds to process all the information. "...So his career as a writer has begun then?" was all she could think of saying.

General Mustang put his hands in his pockets. "You could say so."

"I'm glad..." She looked down, deciding to bring up one last matter before Ben returned. "We're going to remove the stitches from you know... the wrench..." she said awkwardly.

"You really restrained me quite efficiently, that's for sure." His voice carried a hint of embarrassed annoyance.

Winry smiled sadly at that. "You've never had to give Edward Elric a tetanus shot, have you?"

Ben knew it was late and that he should be in bed, but he had been kept awake by it for so long and it was one in the morning.

And he had a feeling that if he was right about this, then Eyebro was still awake too.

And so he got out of his bed and walked slowly towards the door, trying to keep himself from crashing into things. He soon found himself standing outside Eyebro's room, knocking gently on the door.

"Benjamin?" came a voice so familiar that it hurt.

"I would like to talk to you about something..." Ben said.

The door was opened to reveal Eyebro standing there without his eyepatch and only wearing his "boxers" that went about five inches above his knees. It was still very warm. Warm enough for Ben to agree to have his pyjamas transmuted so that they only went to his knees and elbows. "Come in, then," he said, standing back to let Ben through before guiding him over to the bed.

Ben sat down at the foot of the bed, crossing his legs, his back resting against the footboard. "Thank you... I know that it is very late."

Eyebro sat down in the same way opposite him with his back against the headboard. "Do you want a pillow behind your back?" he asked. He seemed slightly worried.

Ben looked down, clutching the sheets in his hands. "You might want to send me away immediately after I ask you my question, so I do not need one right now, but thank you."

"What's wrong, Benjamin?"

Ben spoke in a low voice. "You killed Miss Winry's parents, did you not?"

Ben could feel the tension in the room almost suffocating them all of a sudden. "Benjamin, I..." Then Eyebro sighed. "I did, but there's more to the story... Did the Rockbells tell you?"

Ben shook his head, his stomach clenching. "It was the way you looked at her... It was the same look that Dad had one time we met the son of a criminal that he shot in the line of duty. I understand it if you want me to leave now so that you can get some time to figure out what to say... Or if you don't want to tell me at all..." Ben felt his lips tremble, and a couple of tears fell onto the sheets below him. "Because I know that there's a lot more that came from it and that Miss Winry knows what you did and still finds herself able to converse with you... So... So I'm willing to listen... And I'm willing to wait... I just... I just couldn't sleep before asking... And letting you know that I knew..." Ben didn't dare look up at him. He didn't know what to think of it. To say about it. Because he was honestly a bit scared to see the second thing he was wondering about be confirmed.

"I'm not... I won't send you away... I guess you have a right to know, but that also means..." Ben suddenly had a pillow thrown to him. "...It's going to take a while, so you might as well make yourself comfortable."

Ben took the pillow, placing it behind his back. "Th-thank you..." he told him, leaning back against it, pulling his knees to him.

Then he rested his chin on them and looked up at Eyebro, finding him to be sitting with his legs crossed and his hands on his knees.

...And there was so much hurt and torment in that remaining eye.

No, Eyebro had never wanted to do it. He had never wanted to and it had haunted him for the rest of his life. He didn't feel that what he had done was justified. Which was why Ben was letting him explain before judging him.

...And it was because he hated the thought of how this was Roy Mustang too. He just felt that he owed it to his Dad to let him explain.

And so the older man sighed, his eye clouded over with painful memories. "It started with the Ishbalan Civil War... The Rockbells, they were doctors... They didn't do anything wrong... They were just treating all their patients the same... Problem was that the then enemy, the Ishbalans, they were being treated by them too... And so two of the kindest and bravest of the lot were more or less marked as traitors as they gave their Ishbalan patients equal treatment to their Amestrian ones... But as they kept coming back because of that..." He sighed heavily. "I was given the orders that morning, and I shot them that night..."

Ben felt tears go down his cheek. He didn't know what to think because he could tell that there was so much more to this. And he could hear the pain in Eyebro's voice and he felt his lips tremble, because horrible realisation hit him. "That... that means that they would have died no matter what... They would have just sent another soldier..." Ben whispered, looking at him. "Was that one of those wars to create that mythical object you were talking about?"

Eyebro nodded, sighing heavily yet again. "I won't go into the details... I'll tell you everything when you're older, but you're still too young to know most of it..."

Ben nodded. Everything felt odd and hurtful. It was so wrong to look at the man in front of him. He didn't know what to think anymore. He only wanted to cry.

...But he also wanted to know because this had so much to do with who the man he was going to live with was. "Please just tell me enough for me to know who you are."

Eyebro paused, looking like he was thinking hard. "I've been creating a plan for what I would tell you since last night, but that has already been turned on its head... But anyways, the mythical object is called a Philosopher's Stone-"

"So that isn't just a fairytale?" Ben asked. "It was supposed to be the main goal of alchemy, something that could turn lead and other metals into gold and grant immortality..."

Eyebro looked at him with his eyebrows raised. "That's actually not far off from the Stone here... But the problem is that we actually have the way to make it... But as it is with the laws of alchemy, the price is enormous when creating an object like that... It was vast numbers of human lives... The wars were meant to sacrifice enough lives to create the Stones, but also because people pushed to despair by war tend to seek refuge in the Stone... Thereby there would be more people trying to create them for each one that was made..." His voice suddenly became a lot more filled with hatred and disgust. "But it was only for the people behind it all to claim the Stones for themselves, saying that they were protecting the human race from the Stones... And so they kept going for centuries... I decided to do something about it, and hadn't it been for Führer Grumman being the tactician that he was, then I'd have been executed..." He placed his hand over the scarred crater in his face, smiling slightly with a scoff. "Well, executed twice, I guess... Without Captain Hawkeye arriving when she did, it certainly would have been effective."

Ben was horrified. He was horrified and wanted to yell.

Instead he clenched his hands around the sheets beneath him because he knew what war did to people and so it wasn't anything new. In a way, it only showed how Amestrians were just as human as the people in his own world. No, the thing that he knew that they should discuss was also the most personal of them. But it had been bothering Ben and he knew that it was an important part about Eyebro. But one that he couldn't get himself to ask about while still looking at him, and so he turned his gaze down again. "...You tried to end your own life after you killed the Rockbells..." he whispered. "...And you've been afraid that I might try it myself... after everything..." He felt his stomach clenching. He really wanted Dad more than anything right now. He needed and wanted one of his hugs.

...But they were never going to be there ever again.

Eyebro stayed silent, and Ben realised that he had most likely taken it too far. "I'm sorry, that wasn't my place... I'll leave now," he said, quickly trying to get out of the bed, only to forget about his blindspot and misjudge the distance in his haste...

And so he found himself falling out of the bed with a startled yelp, only to have his collar grabbed right before his face would slam into the floor. He was yanked back up again and turned around ninety degrees as he was placed on his knees and Eyebro's hands were on his shoulders. "Benjamin, you don't just ask someone something like that and then immediately assume that they won't talk about it," he said sternly, but his eye revealed fear and the fact that he was ashamed. "Now stay here because if you know that I have been worried about you going that far, then I should at least explain why... When bringing up something like that, then at least you owe me the time to explain."

Ben just looked at him, his lips quivering. "...I-I'm sorry..."

Eyebro sighed, sitting back down, once again crossing his legs, but his hands were still on Ben's shoulders. "...As you can see, I lost my nerve... So instead I made myself a promise... A promise to reach a position where I won't ever have to follow unreasonable orders ever again... I kind of lost my conviction as to become that person myself after the events of four years ago... Gave up on my alchemy for two years... I couldn't get myself to use it... All I saw was all the people that I'd killed... But things changed two years ago... I guess I got back my sense of purpose and realised that I'd be letting those around me down by being an enlisted hermit up North... And I got proof that I was expected to be more, because when I returned, everyone kept calling me General... I was needed here..."

Ben felt tears streaming down his cheek as his insides twisted themselves apart. "So you're planning to become Führer?"

Eyebro nodded once. "Yes. I am."

Ben didn't even know what to think. All he knew was that there was pain and fear and that he couldn't look at Eyebro anymore because he was just reading too much and it hurt so intensely to do so. "...So you're afraid that I'll turn out like you..." he whispered.

Eyebro sighed. "...Please don't be offended... It's just that I... Like you said, your father is more or less identical to me... If he had some of the same tendencies and mindsets... And then passed them on to you... With what happened to you, there's no-one who'd blame you for having those thoughts... I don't think that most people wouldn't have such thought cross their minds at some point in your situation... I'm not saying that I think you're going to shoot yourself... But most people would reach a point where they start to wonder if it would just be easier to escape the pain of it all... If... Should it happen, then please come talk with me."

Ben leaned into the hands holding his shoulders. He was beginning to see just how much pain that Eyebro had been through.

...And how much he actually was beginning to remind him of Dad. Dad under different circumstances that had shaped him into a different person, but still...

...Still Roy Mustang.

Which was why Ben decided to share something of his own, looking down at the tear stained spot on the sheets that were below his face. "...Six months ago... There was a neighbour, Mr. Holton... He had been fighting in the Great War, but he didn't seem to be able to come home... He was home physically, but his mind was still trapped in the battlefield... He couldn't take it anymore... One night, we heard a scream and Dad had reached the front door by the time that Mrs. Holton had come running to our house and the next minute, she was crying into Dad's chest... She had come to us because Dad was the one who actually knew how to act around a... a corpse... Mr. Holton had gone to bed and then slit his wrists a few minutes before his wife came inside. She kept sobbing about how much blood there was... Dad told me to take care of her, and so I did, while he went to the Holton house and called for reinforcements and made sure that it wasn't actually a murder made to look like a case of suicide..." Ben told him quietly, feeling his insides twist at the memory. He hadn't known the Holtons for long or well at all, but Mrs. Holton's screams were still imprinted in his mind.

Eyebro sighed. "...It's not an uncommon reaction from soldiers returning from a war, sadly."

"I know... But Dad told me something a few days later... When he returned from the hospital... After Ellie..." His voice broke slightly as he continued speaking. "...The doctors had said that Ellie wasn't likely to make it, so Mum... She was kept in the morgue for a few extra days because Dad wanted to be in the hospital with his daughter, and burying Mum in the middle of that when Ellie was predicted to die soon too... That way, they were able to be buried together... without it being as separate funerals..." Ben could hardly keep himself from breaking down into sobs.

He felt the hands gripping his shoulders holding him just a bit tighter for comfort. It both hurt and helped. Because Ben had something else he needed to say. "Those nine days... Those nine days after Mum died, D-Dad wasn't... He wasn't able to sleep in their bed... But then, when he came home from the hospital after making arrangements for the... the bodies... He felt so much like stopping the pain of those past nine days... He couldn't even sleep in his own bed, he had hardly slept at all for those days..." He felt a small smile on his face, even if it hurt. It hurt so much. But he couldn't help but smile at how much he loved Dad and how much he had loved him back. "...But that night, he was sleeping downstairs, hugging me to his chest... But suddenly he stood up, went upstairs, changed the sheets and lay down in the bed, holding me close as I asked about Mum... He called me his l-little miracle... Because if he hadn't had me..." He looked up at Eyebro, seeing the faintly horrified sadness in his eye. "...He told me that I gave him a reason to smile when n-nothing else did..." Ben reached his hands up, slowly placing them on Eyebro's cheeks. "A-and I think he w-would have wanted me to d-do s-something about y-your lack of s-smiling crinkles," he said.

Then he broke down into sobs because he knew that he was right.

And that Dad would have been smiling at him now.