╔ º ╗

You want a revelation

You want to get right

But it's a conversation

I just can't have tonight

You were back at apartment 106, fixed laptop in hand and an invoice pulled up on your phone. The sooner you could get this over with, the better. You knocked on the door, three sharp rasps of your knuckles.

"Come in!" David's voice called, and you hesitated outside, really hoping he would have come out into the hallway instead. "It's unlocked!" No luck on that front then. With a sigh you opened the door.

You were greeted to the sight of David lounging on his couch playing a video game, some first-person shooter that looked just like any other you'd ever seen. The game didn't pull your attention however, what did was the fact that David was shirtless. Your eyes widened and you felt heat creep over your freckled cheeks. Shit! He was, objectively, hot. His face was also, just as objectively, very punchable. That didn't stop you from getting flustered and you scrambled to get your professional persona back in place.

"Oh, hey Alex!" he greeted like you were some unexpected guest, pausing his game. You had emailed him this morning to let him know his computer was fixed and he agreed to you coming over at this exact time, so he fucking planned to be half-naked on purpose. You really should have thrown his laptop down four flights of stairs.

"Hello." you greeted, not able to muster more than a flat tone, or even a hint of a smile. You were sure if you tried your lips would have curled into a sneer instead. "Your laptop is all set, if you could please log in and verify it is operating as expected, then sign this release form-"

"I messaged you on LinkedIn, did you see it?" he interrupted, pushing himself up off the couch and walking closer to you. Like most folks he was significantly taller than you, and your body tensed. You didn't trust yourself not to stare at his bare torso if you tried to meet his eye so you looked down at your phone instead, opening the signature portion of the release form. The quicker he could sign it, the quicker you could charge his card and get the hell out of there.

"Yes." you said, your voice slowly turning into a hiss. "I chose not to respond."

"So no boyfriend then?" he said with a laugh.

"That's none of your business." you said through clenched teeth. "Can you please sign this?"

He completely ignored you, laughing again. "That's a no!...Hey, you want a drink?" he walked away from your outstretched hand holding your phone aloft and instead headed to the kitchen and grabbed a bottle of some liquor from a tall cupboard.

"I'm not twenty one yet. Your signature, please. " you said forcefully.

"You're over eighteen though, right?" he said with a lecherous grin.

Fucking gross! You were sure your eye was twitching.

"That's a yes. How 'bout if I sign that, you give me your number."

An idea came over you, and it took every scrap of self-control to not break into a Grinch-worthy grin. "Alright, fine. I'll give you my personal number, let me see your phone."

David grinned with a smug, self-satisfied smile as he fished his phone out to trade with you. You quickly keyed the number into his contacts, and as soon as the phones were returned to their respective owners he sent a text. Your phone remained silent, and his expression darkened. It was like a storm cloud ominously passing over his face, his tone dropping and icing over.

"This isn't your fucking number."

Your demeanor was perfectly neutral, or at least you hoped it was. A chill was going down your spine at how quietly incensed he was, an instinctual warning going off in the back of your mind.

"I said I'd give you my personal number, this is my work phone. I can't claim this on my taxes if I use it for personal stuff. I'll call you when I get home."

He seemed placated, though you couldn't be sure if he believed you. Best to leave while you could.

"See you around." you calmly said with a wave, and for a split-second his eyes dropped down slightly to your neck and you got the impression he was seriously contemplating grabbing you. Before he got the chance, you hastily retreated from his apartment. He could do hardly anything more than utter a quick "Bye" as his door was slammed shut.

As you ran away from the building you quickly pulled up Papyrus's number and tapped out a quick message:

"I'm sorry but I gave some creepy guy your phone number, please ignore it!"

It took all of two minutes for Papyrus to call you back.

"ALEX, WHY WAS I SENT AN IMAGE OF A HUMAN PHALLUS!?" He wasn't on speaker but the skeleton's loud yell made it sound as if he were.

"...God damn it."

Sans was going to kill you.

It took quite a bit of explaining on your part to get Papyrus to understand the human behavior of unsolicited dick pics, insomuch as such things could be explained. When it clicked for him and you confirmed that yes, it was very vulgar and no, you did not welcome such pictures to be sent to you it took a while longer to convince Papyrus not to scold David for his unseemly behavior towards a potential "date-mate" ("Trust me Papyrus, there is exactly zero potential for dating there.") You eventually persuaded him to just block the number (you did so as well) and assured him you were fine and never planned on interacting with David again. It wasn't too difficult to get him to drop the topic when you brilliantly distracted Papyrus with the promise of cooking lessons (or was he just playing along?).

By the time you said good-bye you had climbed the many flights of stairs to your apartment, a weary sigh 'woosh'-ing out your lungs as you unlocked your front door. You had never been so happy so see Gaster in your living room, his mask-like face turning and his wide smile broadening when he saw you. The tall monster rose and glided closer to greet you properly, a conjured hand gently squeezing your shoulder.

[Long day?] he asked, noting your sagging frame. You nodded, and he gave you a sympathetic look. [Would you like to like to watch the TV today?] You had not so subtly hinted that you were getting sick of the nature documentaries. ([Why does the same British guy narrate every single one!?] [...That is Sir David Attenborough, and you should be so honored to have his voice grace your ears.])

[No, it's fine.] On habit alone you launched into your daily checks, "Can you hear me?"

His eyes brightened and he nodded, signing an affirmative, and you eagerly retrieved your laptop to update the "Gaster_Master_Spreadsheet". Or rather, let him update it while you got started on cooking dinner. You fired up your playlist, music quietly playing in the background while the apparition that was your roommate satisfyingly 'clack-clack-clack'-ed with his nimble phalanges on your keyboard. This is what you needed after a day like today, the comforting presence of Gaster and a culinary project to make you forget about creeps like David.

Once the spreadsheet was filled out (sadly you were not able to convince Gaster to speak again) you eventually got to talking about your upcoming plans, including your visit with Alphys this evening (you caught his disappointment before he managed to conceal it) and your get-together with Frisk and Flowey in a few days, then cooking lessons with Papyrus the day after. Somehow your social life had really taken off, though anything at all was a step up from its former state of totally non-existent. You had friends, and damn it if your SOUL didn't warm at that thought.

[Remind me again, who is Flowey?] Gaster asked you while you were cooking dinner. He was leaning against the far side of your kitchen, where the wall opened up into a "bar" area. Really it was just an extension of the countertop that could barely fit two stools side by side.

"He's Frisk's friend, he lives with your brothers. I told him about you that one night with the whole debacle...thing," when I thought you were a demon that was attacking me, you decidedly kept to yourself, "He said he was supposed to know every monster in the Underground and he's pissed we won't tell him who you are. I'm going to win him over with cookies." you said as you prepped your food.

You decided tonight was the opportune day to christen your new pizza stone, which in hindsight was a terrible idea. It was edging closer to summer, and to make a good pizza you had to crank your oven up to the highest temperature it would go and keep it there for one whole hour. Your kitchen was now sweltering, and you could feel sweat dripping down your body and seeping into your shirt as you grated some mozzarella cheese. You were sure your face was flushed from the heat, framed by dark and damp curls rebelliously falling free from your hair tie. You must look like a soggy disaster to Gaster.

...and why did you even care what you looked like? He'd seen worse from you. You had to hold back a cringe at the thought of him seeing you bawling.

[I don't recall such a monster. He is a flower, yes?] Gaster signed, seemingly unfazed by your appearance, or the heat. You'd consider him lucky being immune from harsh temperatures, but he couldn't eat pizza which was a truly terrible fate.

"Yeah, a little flower with a face. A really, really creepy face. Who cusses a lot. More than me even."

[If you took more care not to burn yourself constantly, perhaps you might utilize less foul language.] he chided, although there was a hint of a smirk that told you he wasn't being serious. Mostly. You both knew you weren't always very careful in the kitchen. The first time you burned yourself in his presence you scared him nearly as badly as he did when he appeared out of nowhere. He still fretted over you like a mother hen whenever you had some minor culinary-related injury, despite the frequency of them. He fretted over you pretty often, now that you thought about it; When you had a bad day, or you were cold, or you had a nightmare. He always had this hint of a look, almost like longing, as if he wished he could do more for you from beyond the void.

"Anyways," you said, dragging the conversation back to your little plant friend, "He already knows you're here, and since he will be over here I was hoping you could meet him and hang out with Frisk again."

Gaster's eyelights flicked side to side, [...I cannot appear at will, there is no guarantee I will be available to engage-]

You cut him off, gesturing to his shadow-body physically leaning against the counter. "You're doing much better of late. You can hear me, you are here more often than you're in the void, and you managed to use the remote all by yourself." you said, pointing to the TV turned on. Images of sharks in blood-stained waters played, not exactly great ambiance to go with marinara.

Gaster was becoming increasingly anxious, reminding you of a certain nervous yellow monster. [Today is simply a good day, an outlier.]

"Nope, spreadsheet don't lie. You've seen the trendlines, you're getting better." He closed the lid of the laptop as if to dismiss the facts displayed there.

You finished topping your pizza and opened the oven, a blast of superheated air billowing in your face as you very, very carefully slid the pie onto the stone before quickly closing the oven door. Giving your full attention back to Gaster, you regarded the monster who was looking at you with an almost pleading look. He knew what you were going to ask, and was silently begging you not to.

"Why won't you talk to anyone but me? Why hide away?" you gently queried anyways, walking around the counter and reaching up to place a hand on the approximate location of his shoulder, or what you hoped was a shoulder. It was difficult considering the amorphous black mass that was his body, and how strange those shadows felt against your skin. You much preferred the smooth sensation of bone.

He glanced down at you, smiling weakly in a way that didn't reach his eye sockets. [Trying to be rid of me already, my dear?] You were impervious to his attempts of deflection.

"Gaster, seriously. Why?"

He sighed, and you could hear it now, not just the hiss of static but the sound of his breath. How a skeleton-ghost breathed was beyond you, as were many of the feats monsters did on a daily basis.

[There may be negative repercussions to reminding someone of what was lost to the void.]

[But Frisk met you after your "incident",] as he so called it, [and you've never met Flowey before. It couldn't hurt to meet them.] you countered in sign, hoping it would come across gentler.

[Sans would not appreciate it.] Sans did ask you to keep Gaster's presence quiet, especially from his brother, but on the other hand...

[Fuck Sans!] And that you signed because swearing in sign language was fun. Something about it being a visual language made it more visceral. "Whatever he's mad at you for isn't worth socially isolating yourself forever over."

You couldn't tell if he appreciated the sentiment or not, his wide mouth stuck between quirking into an amused grin and a melancholy frown. [I do not entirely disagree with my brother...I would rather everyone forgot me.]

That stunned you. Sans was always quick to pile on unwarranted condemnation in your opinion, and Gaster, well, he was nice. Caring, always looking out for you as best as he could, comforting you when you were at your lowest. It wasn't necessary, you managed just fine before he came along, but stars above, how you did appreciate it. So why was someone who had only shown you kindness wishing to remain forgotten? What did he do?

[Why? What happened?] you finally asked. He knew the question was coming, it had been building up for a while now, both of you dancing around whatever terrible incident that led to him becoming this shadow of what he once was. Whenever you tried hinting at your curiosity, he would, in a very calculated fashion, divert your attention to something else. But you had never asked point-blank before and now there was no means of evasion or deflection left for him.

You almost regretted it, Gaster looked pained. He didn't move, glitching crackling around the edges of his form. And then his expression closed off so completely you swore his face was a blank, soulless mask.

[...I won't discuss this with you. I'm sorry.] he finally answered. As if to make it final, his hands vanished.

...After everything, he wasn't going to tell you.

And damn it, that hurt. You welcomed him into your home, you did everything you could to help him and make his situation more comfortable, you looked past all the terrifying moments that plagued the beginning of your relationship and he couldn't give you the truth? Didn't he trust you?

You said words that might as well have been a physical slap.

"I never thought there'd be a day when apparently Sans trusts me with secrets more than you do."

Your blue eyes had turned a few degrees colder and you had to turn away from him. You were angry, and that meant tears were forming. You rapidly tried to blink them away, your jaw clenching. You would not cry. The pizza was done anyways, the benefit of an extra-hot pizza stone was that it took only minutes to finish. You retrieved it and dumped it on a cutting board, the cheese furiously bubbling and browned, the crust nicely charred. For once you couldn't care less about the state of your painstakingly prepared food.

"I'm going to go change." you announced, not bothering to look at the specter who was still in a stupor as you trudged off to your bedroom and shut the door a little harder than you intended. What wasn't he telling you!? You had earned that answer...hadn't you? Or were you overreacting, stressed from the ordeals of the day? You wished there could be someone you could talk to about it, but Gaster asked you to keep him a secret. Which you totally did! Didn't that count for something?

You pulled off your sweaty shirt over your head, debating if you had time to shower before heading to Alphys. Your closet was yanked open to peruse your meager collection of non-work outfits when you spied in your periphery a dark shape phasing through your closed door causing you to whirl around.

[Alex, I apologize-] Gaster stopped mid-sign as he realized that he'd walked in on you changing, your upper body bare except for your bra. Your face felt blazingly hot, hotter than it had from the oven, and you must have been red as a tomato. Gaster likewise had rapidly darkening cheeks, the purple-gray color flushing on his pale face while his pupil-shaped eyelight swelled to the size of a saucer. He didn't move an inch, just stared in shock. Stared at you. In a second your embarrassment was forgotten. You were livid.

"Get out!" you screeched, throwing your shirt at him. It flew right through him, his shadowy body glitching wildly. Gaster was visibly distressed, and a second later he faded away entirely, back into the void. You were breathing heavily, staring at the spot he once occupied while balling your hands into fists. Did that really just happen? Did he really walk in on you? When you said you were changing? Surely not on purpose, he always respected your privacy...

...Did you overreact?

You pulled on the closest top available, a dark hoodie, and quickly retrieved the cutting board bearing your pizza from the kitchen. You were going to do what you always did when things got to be a little too much; you ran. Pizza in hand you evacuated your apartment and set out into the night towards Ebott Manors.

There was one main road that went up the mountain this far away from the city of Ebott proper. The development you lived in, and the one you journeyed to, were so new that uncut forests lined the street and there was no sidewalk, forcing you to walk along the shoulder. Twilight blanketed the world, chirping frogs and your own tumultuous thoughts all there was to keep you company as you steadily walked uphill. In the distance the dark shadow of Mount Ebott loomed, and you felt a chill come over you when you spared a glance up at it that had little to do with the cool night air. The mountain had always been an ominous beacon in the distance, a thing of legend that claimed human lives, the place where you went to be forever lost.

You now knew it to be the prison that held all of your friends until one human mage came along to free them.

You'd have to ask Frisk how they managed that.

...did Frisk know what Gaster did? You couldn't ask that, it would be going behind his back. Stars, why couldn't he just tell you? Did he think you'd hate him for whatever it was? Sans seemed to think it was pretty terrible, even Gaster hinted that he deserved to be in void and forgotten. He should have told you, let you decide for yourself if his punishment matched the crime, but you didn't even get that option...What if he did do something really bad? You couldn't imagine him committing a heinous crime, he was so gentle...but what if that was just with you? What cruelty could he be capable of? What if he did something truly terrible?

Your thoughts kept spinning in circles with no signs of escaping the gyre of dark thoughts.

Lights ahead signaled the townhouse complex where Alphys lived. A large sign with gold-leaf lettering proclaimed "Ebott Manors" in elegant script, and your thoughts were temporarily drawn away from your roommate as you attempted to navigate your way around the rapidly darkening complex.

It took a bit of wandering but you found the correct house, double-checking your texts to make sure you got it right. The clock showed your were about a half an hour early, understandable considering how you fled your apartment in a rush. You shook your head at that, not wanting to think of Gaster and your...argument? Could you even call it that? You were the only one angry. In your mind's eye you saw Gaster's face looking at you with shock and dismay before he vanished, guilt welling in you. You were certainly not the only one who was hurt. Jesus, how could you do that, throwing things at him? Maybe you were more like your parents than you thought. You'd have to apologize. He took care of you when you were frightened and in return you thought that you were entitled to know his past? When you saw how badly it hurt him to think about it? After everything he'd gone through, you just decided he owed you the truth?

Lost in your thoughts, you looked up to realize you'd been standing in the middle of the sidewalk, just staring at the ground for who knew how long. You needed to get it together, you weren't thinking about Gaster for the rest of tonight. You doubted he would even want to see you again anyways. Besides, you had a new friend to hang out with, you were getting a magical upgrade to your phone! You should be excited!

...You wanted to go home and talk to him.

Nope, you marched your ass right up to the door labeled 2B and knocked. It didn't matter if you were early, you came bearing pizza, homemade pizza at that, so that should cover any social faux pas. It was a second after you knocked when you realized you probably should have texted Alphys at some point on your walk up here that you were headed her way, but it was too late now.

You really regretted that when a tall, blue monster you had never seen before opened the door.

A single yellow slit-pupiled eye stared down at you curiously, but ultimately held a gleam belonging to a predator. Sharp teeth reinforced that fact, as well as the strong, toned body you could see courtesy of her tight black tank top. Holes were cut out revealing her muscled sides and what appeared to be gills. Long, damp red hair draped down her shoulders, fins poking out past the wet locks, and you guessed she may have just gotten out of a shower.

Two thoughts immediately struck you; the first was that this monster was terrifying. Not like Sans, who's casual appearance hid the horrifying abilities the skeleton wielded. No, this monster could obviously break you in half like a matchstick, and you had no idea what kind of magic she had on top of that.

The second thought was that she was fucking hot.

"...Can I help you?"