To Tell the Truth by Melanie

by Sebastian Perseus Jason

Tom's decision to seek Chakotay's help in contacting his spirit guide leads to unexpected complications, including the revelation that his past may not be what he or anyone else had thought it was. Just when Tom's decided to stop worrying, the AlphaOmegans, adversaries from his past, appear, promising a way home for Voyager and nothing but pain for Tom.

20. Part 4 : Sunfire Chapter 4

To Tell the Truth, Part 4/8: Sunfire

Chapter 4

The day after The Diogenes had left, repairs finally were well in hand and the Gherop showed no signs of returning. Eager to check on Engineering, Chakotay felt safe in leaving the Bridge under Harry's command and entered a turbolift. It had descended only a deck before it stopped and Crewman Ver Faran stepped aboard, closely followed by Tuvok, padd in hand.

"Are you all right, Commander?" the Vulcan asked.

"Fine," Chakotay responded.

"I see" was what he said though "You're lying" was implied. He handed over the padd. "My report on this incident and the full version of my report on what transpired while Mr. Paris and I shared a body."

The First Officer frowned at the padd then at him.

"There were certain things I held back regarding my time with him that I now am at liberty to divulge. I apologize for withholding them until now, however Mr. Paris and I felt it best we remain the only ones who knew about them. He knew the first thing the AlphaOmegans would do would be download a copy of all the information stored in Voyager's computer, including all logs, personal and official."

"Are you saying there were things you knew and didn't tell us, even at the last staff meeting?"

"If you will remember, Commander, Raven was present at the meeting. Had I told the entire truth then, it would have ruined Mr. Paris' plans. He and I had decided months ago how I would act and how much I would say and to whom."

"You pretending to believe what they told you when they took you to The Diogenes."

"Yes. But, despite all our planning, things did not go as planned."

"What exactly was the plan?"

"Once they had Mr. Paris' programme-"

"The programme Bartoq caught you trying to upload to them."

"As we knew one of them would."

"You two expected them to catch you?"

"Yes."

He went on to explain to his stunned audience, Tom's simple plan of tricking the AlphaOmegans into taking to The Diogenes a version of what had caused Tom to Awaken then unleashing it on themselves as they investigated it. Chakotay nodded at Tuvok's insistence that it was the simplest way of subduing the AlphaOmegans and permitting Tom to assume command of their ship.

"But did he think about what would happen when they came to?" Chakotay gaped. "You said that he was remembering things, horrible things because he Awoke as you call it. Didn't he think they might too?"

"He knew they would be 'in a bad way' as he phrased it, but he felt what he had done to manipulate the frequency would not permanently damage their Implants, that there was a ninety-eight percent possibility they could be reactivated."

"So they'd go back to being what they were again."

"He felt it was the most humane option for them. The knowledge of their past lives and everything they had done in their lives under The Protectors' control would be too much for them to accept. He worried that some of them might be emotionally traumatized by their memories. He wanted them to have a chance off returning to their amnesia state."

"How very kind of him," Ver muttered under his breath so low Chakotay's ears did not catch it.

Tuvok's Vulcan ears did. "Computer, halt turbolift." He turned to the Barjoran with a frown. "Crewman, you appear to be resentful of Mr. Paris."

"Resentful?" Ver sneered. "Gee, I wonder what any of us would have to feel resentful about? Just that we were told we'd be home soon, and we're still here, and likely to still be here for a long time. And you want to know why? I'll tell you *why*. *Why* is lying Sickbay, that's *why*. If it weren't for him, we'd be refitting this ship readying to get home right now."

"You are way out of line, Crewman," the Commander growled.

Knowing if they did not deal with Ver's complaints immediately, he would spread them to the other crewmembers, Tuvok ignored Chakotay's truthful statement and addressed Ver's concerns. "Crewman, the chances were slim that they actually were going to take us home."

"And who told you that? Him? How can we believe him after the way he's lied to us for so long?"

"Mr. Paris-"

"*Mr. Paris* is a liar and a mass murderer."

"Only because The Protectors made him one."

"However he became one, the fact remains he is one. And he is the reason why we are stuck here."

"But he is the reason they came in the first place," Chakotay felt compelled to point out.

"So that gives him the right to screw up their rescue attempt?"

"He said-"

"He said. He said. Forget what he says. He lies. Look at the facts. They came for him. They got him. They lost him. They left because of it."

Both of Tuvok's eyebrows headed for his hairline. "Are you saying, Crewman, he should have stayed with them? That he should not have escaped from people who were torturing him? You say look at the facts. Well, the fact is he is lying in Sickbay in serious condition thanks to them."

"All you know is that he is hurt. You don't know that they did that to him."

Chakotay nearly choked. "Are you suggesting he did that to himself? Are you crazy?"

"If he thought he would need something to back up his story of them hurting him, then, yes, I think he would deliberately harm himself."

"That is not the Tom Paris I know-"

"That is my point. You don't really know him. No one does. You can't be sure he is telling the truth about what happened."

"And you can't be sure he's lying."

"He lied to us for years about who he was-"

"He has not known about his past for years," Tuvok clarified, "only a few months."

"He still didn't tell anyone. We could have been prepared had we known what was coming."

"He could not tell anyone without endangering the crew. If no one was attempting to hide any knowledge they possessed and nothing appeared in the logs, the AlphaOmegans would have to take longer to find out if everyone actually was in the dark and his plan would have more time to work."

"He still endangered the crew though, didn't he? Or are you forgetting he shot the Captain?"

"That was a hologram of him. Not really him."

"But it was because of him, wasn't it? In some twisted way, it was done for his benefit, wasn't it?"

"Yes, but he did not know it was going to happen nor did he wish it."

Ver focused narrowed gaze upon the Vulcan. "You shared a body for some time. How much of him did you take away with you, Tuvok? Isn't that how mindmelds work? Each comes away with a part of the other? Is that why you're defending him, because he essentially has brainwashed you into agreeing with everything he says?"

"I can assure you, Crewman, he did not 'brainwash' me. Other than what he inadvertently revealed to me in his dreams and what he told me, I took nothing away with me other than that knowledge. As for my faith in what he says, it stems from the fact I could tell he was telling me the truth and what he had told me has been verified through the events of the past few days. He said the AlphaOmegans would come for him and they did. He said he had information they wanted and they would try to get it from anyone they thought he might have told and they did. He said they only were interested in the information and not us and we would not get home and we didn't."

"That last one was only because of his escaping."

"Actually, gentlemen," Sunfire's voice said over his combadge, "your fates had been settled before The Diogenes ever left the Alpha Quadrant."

"Who is this?" the Commander asked.

"I am Sunfire. I apologize for eavesdropping, but until Sunbird is well enough to repair me, I cannot sever the link I established with your systems. You are wrong, Crewman. You weren't ever going to get home."

She replayed for them the confrontation between Raven and Tom outside of the Re-Education Room.

"Only Alpha Two was not dead," she said when the recording was finished. "We were able to maintain control of The Diogenes until I was hurt too badly. You know what happened after that."

"What was this about drugging B'Elanna?" an angry Chakotay questioned.

"For some species, skin to skin contact with one of Raven's species causes a chemical reaction resulting in a strong physical attraction. Raven did this to Lieutenant Torres to steal her from Sunbird more than any desire to place her in a position in which she would not hesitate in answering his questions."

Not really listening to Sunfire and Chakotay's exchange, Tuvok was focused on the danger they had been in and had not even known it. "Why was the biobomb on board?"

"According to Sunbird's file, when Captain Janeway suggested using Tom Paris to help find you, Mr. Tuvok, The Protectors thought it was a great idea. They arranged it so she received permission to approach him in New Zealand. They made sure he said yes to her deal and arrived safely on Voyager."

"Why did they want him here?"

"His mission was to lead Voyager to a specific place in the Badlands, a planetoid called Delcorus. He was programmed that halfway there he was to trigger the biobomb. By the time the ship reached Delcorus, all of the crew would be dead."

"Why did they want the Starfleet crew dead?" Chakotay gasped.

"Simply because they wanted the Maquis to have this ship. The Protectors had a Mission for their people in the Maquis to accomplish and they needed a powerful ship to do it. Since Starfleet was sending Voyager after Tuvok, they decided she would do for their plan."

Ver gritted his teeth. "There are AlphaOmegans in the Maquis?"

"The AlphaOmegans are everywhere, Crewman."

"And your precious Protectors thought some Maquis ship would stumble across Voyager and take her along home with us? That we'd never think it was a trap? They can't be that stupid. And we had no bases near Delcorus anyway. It could have been a long time before anyone found her.""

"One, it was not a trap and, two, a Maquis ship would have found her and taken her back to their base with them as per instructions."

"Instructions? From whom?"

"From The Protectors of course. The head of the team who was to find Voyager was one of their soldiers."

"So they'd just wander back to base with a Federation starship and that would be that? No one would ask questions?"

"Not once Voyager's logs were read. They would show the crew began dropping like flies from a virus supposedly picked up on DS9. The cure for it would have been found and released into the air on the ship only after it was too late to save anyone. By the time the Maquis party arrived, the virus would be eliminated but no one would be left alive."

"What about Mr. Paris?" Tuvok queried. "They were not going to kill him too, were they?"

"Of course not. He was their best soldier. A Chosen One."

"A what?" Chakotay broke in.

"That is the name they apply to one who is in line to become a Protector him-, her- or itself one day. No, he was going to survive. He was immunised against the virus before he left Earth. Four hours after Voyager reached Delcorus, an AlphaOmegan transport was to rendezvous with her with a clone of Tom Paris was on board. At the exact moment Voyager was to have reached the halfway point where AlphaOmegan 41783 was to Awaken and release the virus, the clone would have been subjected to the virus as well. By the time the transport met Voyager, the clone would be dead. He would be beamed here, Sunbird would have been taken to their ship and Tom Paris would have been no more. The Damocles made the rendezvous with one dead clone, but there was no live AlphaOmegan 41783 there to replace."

"So that's why Tom beamed Yana and the Doctor samples of his blood. The antidote was in it?"

"Yes."

"And he would have done it, wouldn't he," Ver continued, his anger hotter than ever. "If the Caretaker hadn't brought us here, he would have triggered this little surprise for the crew."

"'Free will' and 'AlphaOmegan' form an oxymoron. If an AlphaOmegan is given an order, they follow it to the letter. So the answer is, yes, if Voyager had remained in the Alpha Quadrant and reached the half way point to Delcorus then he would have Awoken and carried out his Mission."

"And the Starfleet crew would be dead and this ship would have ended up in the hands of the Maquis." He clenched his fist. "Could Voyager's presence in the Alpha Quadrant have turned the tide in the war?"

"Ver!" his former Maquis captain spluttered.

"I don't like the idea of the loss of lives, but if it would have won us the war -"

"No," Sunfire interrupted, "the presence of Voyager could not have won the war."

Ver was silent for almost five seconds then he spoke again. "It was no accident Chakotay heard of him just when we needed a pilot, was it?"

"No, it was set up that way. The Protectors needed him placed inside of the Maquis so they arranged for him to get there."

"Convenient for them then, our pilot being hurt in battle and being out of commission for some time.

"The length of his recovery was no accident."

"Someone deliberately made his injuries worse than they initially were, didn't they? I always thought he seemed a little worse off than he should have been." His mouth set into an angry line. "They did it all so Paris would get inside the Maquis? Why?"

"The Protectors had lost contact with one of their people and needed to re-establish contact. He had worked with her in the past so he was sent."

Chakotay frowned deeply. "But he wasn't with us long enough to- She was in my Cell? He didn't meet anyone from any other Cells so it had to be one of my people."

"It doesn't matter who it was, Commander. She died not long after Sunbird was captured by Starfleet."

"So he *let* himself get captured, didn't he?"

"No, it was an accident," Tuvok corrected.

"But Starfleet put him in prison. The Protectors couldn't-"

"If he hadn't gone to prison it would have provoked too many questions," Sunfire explained. "Everyone would have thought his family had had a hand in any light sentence he received. At the same time, his family would wonder who actually did, since they didn't. Questions would have arisen they did not want to have to deal with."

"Doctor to Commander Chakotay," the EMH interrupted over her combadge.

The First Officer steeled himself against anymore bad news from Sickbay. Already he had been informed of the deaths of all but one of the AlphaOmegans as well as had it confirmed that Tom's claim there was a deadly virus inside of the biobomb, one which would have done precisely what Sunfire only moments ago had stated it would. He really did not want to know what further bad news awaited him, not when Kathryn, Tom, and Souris were laying in Sickbay at that very moment in such bad shape.

"Go ahead," he reluctantly invited.

"I thought you would like to know there still has not been any change in the conditions of Mr. Paris and Souris. I have discovered something interesting about these Implants. Mr. Paris left the AlphaOmegan file on them open, unintentionally I'm sure, and I've been reading up on them. You might want to come to Sickbay and see for yourself. Sunfire temporarily has disconnected the protocols so their security measures won't kick in at our unauthorized entry. It's fascinating reading."

"I'll be there soon. Chakotay out. Computer, resume. Deck Five." As the lift began to move, he focussed on the seething crewman. "We will finish our discussion at another time. Once we have had a chance to talk to him about all this, *then* we will know what really happened over the past few days and in the past. In the meantime, I don't want to hear of you talking about Lieutenant Paris behind his back. Is that understood?"

"Yes, sir."

The doors opened at Deck Five and the Commander left Tuvok and Ver to travel on without him. Neither male said anything further, though Tuvok - while he would never admit it - secretly was as angry with the Bajoran standing stiffly beside him as Ver was at Paris, the AlphaOmegans, and the Universe in general. Try as he might, Tuvok could not think of a way of making it all go away. What he feared most was that it would not go away and that the rest of the crew was sharing his feelings. He himself did share the anger towards the AlphaOmegans, at least in part, but all of them were dead or gone except Souris and Lieutenant Paris. Silently, he sighed. The resentment towards them from the crew was going to be unbearable, especially for Tom Paris, who had been an outcast amongst the crew before because of his past. Now that they knew there were even more reasons to hate him, it would be even worse for him. And there was little he could do for him.

"We're in the Alpha Quadrant, sir," Raven announced over the Comm channel. "We'll reach Base 14 in twelve minutes."

In his quarters, Alpha Two acknowledged in a calm voice then severed the connection. Though his outward appearance was that of calm, it was taking all of his Vulcan training to hold inside the seething anger he felt. Wishing it would not destabilize space for them to attempt so soon to jump back to where they had been, he wanted to return to the Delta Quadrant and ensure all of them were dead. According to some, AlphaOmegan 41783 had ninety-nine lives. 'If by some miracle he still had enough lives left to save himself and the others from-'

Mentally, he shook his head at that thought. True, yet again his star pupil had out smarted him, but he could not have survived, not in the condition he had been in. Alpha Two opened the small case on the table before him. He withdrew the DNA sample he had ordered a technician to take from an unconscious AlphaOmegan 41783. Turning it over in his hand, he very nearly smiled. Sunbird may have failed him yet again, but this one would not.

Carefully, he returned the sample to the case.

"So it *was* Lieutenant Paris and not your akoonah that caused the malfunction after all, Commander?" Joe Carey nodded. "That is what Vorik and I wondered at the time when the akoonah and every thing else we checked came out okay."

"It was this Implant thing of his," Chakotay confirmed, looking around the bustling Engineering for someone expected yet unseen.

It had been over an hour before he had been able to extract himself from the EMH's lair. First there had been the discoveries he had made regarding the Implants, then there had been the updates on Souris and Tom, and finally, a discussion about how long he planned to keep the Captain unconscious. Chakotay agreed rest was the best thing for her recuperation and were she awake it would be Hell trying to keep her confined to bed while others undertook repairs. So they held off on rousing her from her nap.

However that did not preclude *his* overseeing the repairs and his destination upon leaving Sickbay had been the same one he had had when he had received the Doctor's summons - Engineering.

Joe checked a padd a crewman handed him then handed it back with a nod. "If you're looking for Lieutenant Torres, she's not here, Commander."

"Where is she?"

Engineering's second-in-command hesitated then reluctantly answered. "Her quarters. She's taking this thing with Lieutenant Paris very hard. After The Diogenes left... she was a wreck, Commander, so I talked her into going to her quarters to rest. She didn't even put up a fight. She just left. But when she didn't show up for her shift today, I left Vorik in charge and went to check on her. She's not good. I think you should go see her."

Nodding, Chakotay strode out of Engineering.

All the way to B'Elanna's quarters, he tried to think of what to say. He knew right now, no matter what he said, the words would come out sounding like "I told you so" to the half-Klingon and that was the last thing she needed to hear right now. Not that someone with the temper of B'Elanna Torres ever wanted to hear even a hint she was wrong about something, but this was a particularly bad thing to appear to be gloating over.

When he walked in after four unanswered door chimes, he found her huddled on her couch, a blanket draped over her lower half, trying to pick a hole in the arm of couch. She did not acknowledge Chakotay even as he carefully sat down next to her.

"If you're here to tell me I told you so, don't bother," she muttered. "I already know."

"I'm here because everyone's worried about you."

"How could I be so wrong?" she asked the ceiling. "About not one, but two of them."

Chakotay narrowed his eyes. "Two?"

"Raven and Tom. How could I have fallen for two liars?"

He sighed and explained what Sunfire had told him about Raven's species and his "drugging" her to get her to fall for him. Unfortunately, the news that her falling for Raven was not really "falling" did not make her feel any better, only worse to find out yet another man had used her like so many in the past.

By the time Chakotay was called away, B'Elanna was in as deep a funk as she had been in when he had entered.

"But, Mommy, I want to go play with them."

"Naomi, please, honey. Not now."

"But why?" the little girl cried.

"Because I said so. Now go get into your pajamas. It's naptime."

"But-"

"Go."

As her daughter stomped into her bedroom, Sam ran her hands through her thick blonde hair. She hated this fear she felt, this uncertainty. Only days earlier, she had told people Tom Paris was one of the few people on the ship with whom she completely trusted her child. Now she just did not know what to do.

Tom Paris had given Naomi an amazing gift in the "kids." He had managed to do something even she, Naomi's own mother had not been able to do - find a way for Voyager's only child to be with kids her own age when there simply were none available. But in light of what was being said about him, about how much of the AlphaOmegans' stories might be true, she was at a loss. She could not forget those holograms had been programmed by a man who, for one reason or another, might be emotionally and mentally unbalanced. As Naomi's mother she had to protect her little girl. The worry, no matter how unlikely, that he might have created something that might harm her child mentally or physically would not leave her.

'Subconsciously, he could have been trying to turn her into something like him,' a little voice whispered. 'Remember what you heard. He was in training to be one of their leaders. Pardan claimed it is their leaders who create them and make them be what they are. All those things he was trying to teach Naomi. The survival skills. Were they only so she could protect herself or were they something more? What his mixed up mind trying to indoctrinate Naomi?'

She shook her head. 'No way. He loves her. He wouldn't want her to turn out like him. He as much as said so.'

'But he was not a well man. What he wanted and what he was doing could very well have been totally different things.'

"'Damned AlphaOmegans," she cursed. "First they mess with Paris' mind and now they're messing with mine. What the Hell am I supposed to do now? I can't keep her from them or him for the next fifty some odd years."

Yesterday, Naomi had overheard enough of a conversation to know Tom Paris had returned to Voyager. Immediately, she had wanted to go see him. Only her mother's insistence that Sickbay was not the place for her unless she was sick had prevented her daughter from hurrying to him. That had bought Sam some time to think yet she still had not decided what to do.

How she was supposed to explain to her little girl what her favourite playmate had been made to do in the past. She even had considered erasing the "children" and Siobahn and telling Naomi it was a result of the Gherop attack and their programme couldn't be saved. She would have believed that, but it would have solved only half of Sam's problem. The rest - how much of a role he was going to play in her daughter's future remained.

'Provided Ver and the others don't get their way,' she sighed. 'Having him and Souris confined to Sunfire for the rest of the trip like some of the crew had been whispering amongst themselves would keep him from Naomi, but was it fair? How far gone was he? Was he a threat to them?'

She sighed again. 'If only he'd wake up. Then we'd know where we all stood with the poor wretch.'

Over the last few days, she had discovered something important. She was a mother first and foremost. Her child had to come first. Any sympathy she felt for those in Sickbay had to come second. It was because of this, and as much as she hated the loss of any life, she found herself feeling it would have made all their lives so much easier if Paris and Souris had not survived whatever had happened to put each of them in there.

Two days after The Diogenes had abandoned them, the Doctor permitted the Captain to awaken from her artificially induced rest. Once she had heard everything that had transpired while she was asleep, she fleetingly wished he had left her unconscious.

Two beds down lay Souris, sleeping peacefully. The dark waves of long hair that framed her face and tumbled over the edge of the bed emphasized her deathly pallor.

Still in on the bed in the surgical bay, lay an equally pale Tom. Gone were the actual wounds from his experience, yet they still showed in the lines of his sleeping face. Once dressed, Kathryn had spent a long time simply sitting next to his bedside, watching him sleep and thinking of everything Chakotay and Sunfire said had happened to him. More than once she felt torn between tears for Tom and the desire to hunt down the people who had done this to him and exact vengeance. Finally, she had to physically remove herself from his presence before she gathered him up in her arms and hugged him to her breast in relief in having safely away from his tormentors.

So she went over to the Doctor standing at Souris' bedside and found herself asking questions he already had answered. For once, he seemed to understand the real reason she was asking was not that she had forgotten what he had said, but she needed something to distract her from the reality around her. So he told her again of his discovery about the Implants.

While it was interesting to know how the Implants could take adrenaline and channel it to sustaining an AlphaOmegan until whatever had caused the adrenaline to be produced was gone or over, it did not tell any of them what they wanted to know most. It was nice to have a neat explanation for how Tom had continued functioning, given the degree to which he was injured, and a reason for why his adrenaline during the parole test had spiked then fallen below normal levels. What it did not give any clues as to was when he or Souris would awaken. It also did not stop her from hoping the answer would be different every time she asked the Doctor about it.

"So you still haven't found anything in the file on Implants that will give you an idea of when she'll wake up?"

Standing across Souris' bed from her, the Doctor shrugged. "I don't know, Captain. While the readings are similar to that of Mr. Paris when he *Awoke*, as Mr. Tuvok says to call it, I can't predict a timetable for her regaining consciousness any more than I could for him back then."

The Sickbay doors opened and Harry entered, making a beeline for the woman in the bed.

The EMH held up a hand to forestall Harry's questions. He knew it would be the same ones he had asked every time he had entered Sickbay over the past two days. "No, Ensign, she is not awake. Yes, I will call you when she does."

Harry visibly deflated and nodded.

Stepping aside so the young man could take his usual seat by Souris' bed, the Doctor added another piece of information. "Mr. Paris still has not awoken either, if you're interested."

Tom's best friend acknowledged the information with an uncomfortable glance towards Tom. Kathryn instantly recognized it for what it was - Harry simply not knowing how to act where Tom was concerned. In light of everything they now knew and so much they still did not know, she fully understood Harry's ill ease. It was sad to see the conflict in the ensign, the desire to be there for the kind-hearted man who was his "brother" yet the fear of the deadly soldier he had been made to be.

'Almost as sad as the absence of the one who should be here, but wasn't,' she said to herself. In the couple of hours the Captain had been awake, B'Elanna had not visited even once. During his brief visit thirty minutes earlier, Chakotay had told her of B'Elanna's depression. The Commander held some hope that she would recover from this. 'She showed up for her shift today,' he had informed her. 'She seems okay.' Both of them knew, however, B'Elanna was anything but okay and she would not be until she and Tom could hash things out between them. She only hoped her favourite couple could get past this. It would be a tragedy for them to break up over this. He really was going to need all the love and support he could get when he awoke.

A scream from Tom shattered the silence.

Three heads whipped around in time to see the man jerk upright, throwing off his blanket, and ripping at his Sickbay-issue sleepwear in terror at their confining him. Instantly at his side, the Captain tried to calm him as the Doctor prepared a sedative in case she failed to settle him.

"Tom, it's okay. You're safe now. It's okay."

Frightened blue eyes met her concerned grey ones. It took over a minute for her calm words and stroking his hair for the fear to abate.

Shakily, he looked around Sickbay as if he never had seen it before. Apparently satisfied there was no danger lurking around there somewhere, he stared down at his torn tunic. Confused, he looked at her in askance.

"You had a nightmare," she murmured. "The Doctor can get you another shirt."

Nodding, the EMH tried to smile at Tom. "So, Mr. Paris, how are you feeling?"

Blinking, he looked from one to another then to Souris lying in her bed and a wide-eyed Harry staring back at him. The instant their eyes met, Tom jerked his away and stared down at his hands. With his eyes averted, he did not see the sad look on his "little brother's" face.

"Did you have a service for the others?" Tom softly asked the Captain.

"No, not yet," the EMH answered for her.

"I only woke up a couple hours ago myself," Janeway told the patient. "The Doctor's kept their bodies in stasis. It seems everyone's been too busy trying to put Voyager back together to think of funerals. And they thought you, Souris, and myself would wish to be there."

He nodded in agreement. "Souris has not come to yet then?"

"No."

Tom's eyes jerked to the Doctor's. "Her Implant. We have to attempt to reinitialize it before she Awakens fully."

"Mr. Tuvok told me about your plan and the possibility of reinitializing the Implants," the EMH sighed. "I tried with hers already. The self-destruct destroyed too much of it to restart it."

Tom was silent for a moment. "And Sunfire?"

The Captain sighed. "According to Chakotay, she is damaged but refuses to allow anyone to touch her except you."

"Engineering would be baffled by her anyway. They've never seen a ship of her design before." He addressed the Doctor. "When can I leave? Sunfire needs attention."

"Not for a couple of days," the hologram pronounced. "You were badly hurt. You need food and rest."

"And then there are questions you're going to have to answer," Chakotay added as he walked in and caught the tail end of Tom's question. "Raven made some serious accusations about you and things you'd done. Everyone wants to know what's true and what's not. Some of the crew are pretty mad and others aren't sure what to think."

"Chakotay," the Captain started to admonish, but Tom cut her off.

"I know at least part of what Raven told all of you, Commander," the pilot said. "Alpha Two made sure I saw your meeting where Raven told you the story about me. But Raven was lying. For the most part anyway. I am an AlphaOmegan and they did come here to capture me, but not for any of the crimes he outlined, and certainly not for murdering Sunfire."

Kathryn frowned. "The recording we saw?"

"It was faked, Captain. They took the actual recording from her Implant and inserted my image over the real murderer."

"They made it seem almost believable. If we hadn't know you..."

"It had to be credible or none of you would confide in them."

"So we would tell them anything we may have known about you and about this information they said you stole from them?"

He nodded.

"Was that why the Captain was shot?" Chakotay asked. "To make us believe you were out of control?"

"Trying to get you to confide in them so 'they had enough info to help me' wasn't working fast enough, so Alpha Two wanted to turn everyone against me, by me trying to kill the Captain. Then the Gherop came and ruined his plan before it could see fruition."

Kathryn leaned closer to him. "Tom, what was this information they wanted so badly?"

"The information about their connection to Section 31."

"Pardan said the AlphaOmegans were established to reel Section 31 in."

"What he didn't know and only the Protectors, Section 31's commanding officers, and I do know is they have been in league with each other since practically the beginning of the AlphaOmegans."

"Let me get this straight. You're saying they are in collusion?"

"There is a very accurate saying, Captain. In order to catch something, you have to become that something." He smiled ironically, eyes inward. "So they did, only by the time they had, they all realized it actually was a good idea for both of them to survive."

His eyes returned to her. "All the religions are wrong, you know. They've always thought the Universe was in the hands of some supreme deity or deities. In reality it's in the tritanium fist of mortals who just think they're gods."

"I don't under-"

"You know what has always appealed to me about the Twentieth Century? That, subconsciously at least, it reminded me so much about our own time. In the Twentieth, there were so many people talking about 'Big Brother,' their governments, always watching them through surveillance devices, allegedly for security purposes. Some individuals even claimed to know for a fact that there were these conspiracies in which their political bodies were doing all sorts of horrible things and covering it up."

"Paranoia was common in the mid to late Twentieth Century, yes, but what does that have to do with-"

"They were right, Captain. There *were* conspiracies. There *were* inhumane acts committed by the same governments who were supposed to be protecting them. After the Federation was born, everyone thought those days were over. They were wrong. Things merely moved to a bigger arena."

Tom pushed himself to sit upright. "In the Grand Scheme of things, until the Dominion appeared on the scene anyway, there was very little that went on in the Alpha or Beta Quadrants that The Protectors and Section 31 did not permit to occur. For the ordinary individual, little things, like what you had for breakfast, what clothes you wore off duty, those things more or less were your choice."

"More or less?"

"Usually you could decide the day to day things for yourselves. Unless there was a reason they wanted you to have eggs for breakfast with bacon, not sausages, or wear a blue dress, not green pants. But bigger things, like your career, your society's economic and political stability, they all were firmly overseen by The Protectors and Section 31."

"There's no way they could do that."

"They can and do. They have people everywhere."

"All rich and powerful like the Paris family?" Chakotay interjected.

"Not every AlphaOmegan is one because of family ties. Though they don't even know it, every child born in the Alpha or Beta Quadrants is subjected to testing as they grow up. If they pass all of the tests, they eventually may become an AlphaOmegan. If at not, they are rejected and get to live a normal life."

"But they picked you because you're a Paris."

"Initially, yes. I was automatically chosen because they knew I had the potential to become as illustrious as the rest of my family so they wanted me. Before I was even born they me set upon this path. The Tom Paris who might have been never had the chance to exist." Tom shook his head to clear it. "It was not until I was a child and scored within the highest percentile in certain tests that their interest in me became more than as a 'potential' and they began rigorously training me. It's the same way with others. They accept possibles into their programme and throughout the Training discard any that don't measure up. Only a few make it to actual AlphaOmegan status. Many become technicians instead or are dropped all together."

The Captain shook her head. "Why do any of this at all?"

"Because of their mandate," Tom said impatiently. "They were told they were to maintain peace in the Alpha and Beta Quadrants so that was what they were trying to do. And they realized right away that the people they were attempting to protect were a bunch of morons intent on killing each other. So they stepped in and started taking care of the *children* as they see everyone to be. Of course they didn't think of doing that all on their own. The Organians helped."

"The Organians?"

"Remember your history, Captain. The Organian Peace Treaty of 2267. An advanced species known as the Organians forced a peace treaty between the Federation and the Klingon Empire."

"I know, but they wanted nothing further to do with us until we had matured as a species and set aside our war-like ways. From what Pardan and Raven claimed, the AlphaOmegans haven't done that. Why would the Organians help them?"

"They weren't actually *helping* them. Not knowingly anyway. Their forcing a peace gave the two groups a head start in enforcing one of their own. The Organians made it possible for The Protectors and Section 31 to assume absolute power over everything in a much shorter timeframe than was expected. That meant they finally could really begin maintaining the peace as they were supposed to be doing."

"But to kill people to do it? How can they justify that?"

"Their mandate was to keep the peace. If it takes the sacrifice of some to fix problems before they become problems, then isn't it worth it?"

"Do you really believe that?!" Harry gasped from across the room.

"In a twisted way, they are correct, yes. If the death of one can stop the deaths of millions, then it is worth it."

"But if they control everything, then why is it necessary? Why would anything happen that they don't want to happen?"

"Unlike the AlphaOmegans, the rest of the Galaxy haven't been drugged and beaten and Implanted into submission. They still have some free will of their own so unexpected things can happen. You go right instead of left when you're out for a walk and you're killed in a random act of violence. You fall in love with someone and you change your entire mindset and life because of that relationship. The unexpected does happen and it annoys the Hell out of them, but there is nothing they can do about it."

"Like your father and I being captured by the Cardassians?" Kathryn whispered hopefully. She really did not want to find out what had happened to her and the Admiral all was because of some conspiracy. It was easier in a way for her to accept it as an accident than people actually having had plotted out her capture.

"Yes, Captain. You were captured because there was a freak accident and the one who was supposed to stop your capture from happening was killed. If he had lived, Camet's people wouldn't have found you. You and the Admiral would have found the information they wanted him to find out about the Cardassians' operations in that area and you would have gone home heroes."

"What about Caldik Prime?" Chakotay murmured. "Was that another *accident* or an assassination? Where did they fall into this Grand Scheme of things?"

"Commander-" The Captain had censure in her voice, which he ignored.

Tom stiffened. "That was an accident, Commander. Pilot error."

"Tuvok says you claim to have been made to be some sort of super spy slash assassin. He said they moulded you into the perfect tool for their plans. Then how can you have screwed up so badly as to commit a pilot error?"

"Commander, I have endured interrogations that would have broken even Tuvok. I have been exposed to and performed atrocities that would send any of you scurrying into the darkest recesses of your minds, never to come out. Through all that The Protectors did their damnedest to eliminate any trace of anything they did not want to be a part of my psychological makeup. But even they aren't omnipotent or omniscient. They couldn't remove all the flaws so I royally screwed up and three of my friends paid for that with their lives. Of course The Protectors patted themselves on the back later because the accident furnished them with the perfect excuse for me and Starfleet to part company."

"Sunfire told us about your reason for being in the Maquis. And on Voyager."

"I see."

"You see. What some of the crew can't see is how you can live with yourself? With everything you were going to do to these people, your *friends*, with this biobomb?"

"I didn't remember about the BoB until I was escaping from The Diogenes, Commander. Five years ago I wouldn't have felt anything when I triggered it. I would have done what I was programmed and that would have been that."

Tom stared deep into each of the four's eyes in turn. Finally, he sighed when he got the answer he all along had known was going to be there when the others found out about him.

"I am to be punished for things that I was programmed to do or never even did, aren't I?" Tom asked Janeway, who looked uncomfortable at the question but did not break eye contact.

"Did you really kill those Cardassians?" she questioned.

"Yes, I did," he confessed in a matter of fact tone. "They destroyed my father and nearly my family. Because of Camet, my father never was the same. He became harder. My mother and my sisters at least always had been able to get him to show some affection towards them. But then he was captured and tortured and even they couldn't reach him anymore."

Tom's eyes got a far away look. "I love my family. I'd die for them." He came back to her though his eyes were hollow now. "A part of me died that day. I took lives of my own volition. I wasn't programmed to do it. I wasn't tortured or drugged or mentally conditioned to accept some order that was against my morals, what few The Protectors had left me with. I chose to hunt them down and kill them. I chose vengeance and I got it. It's unfortunate that more than Camet and Meer had to die, but they were in my way to Camet."

"You're so cold about it." the First Officer whispered, seemingly not realizing he was saying it, not merely thinking it. "You killed all those people, thousands apparently, and it's like it all meant nothing to you."

"It means plenty to me, Commander." He tapped his forehead. "So much so that I still have them up here. Their voices are in my head, screaming at me, taunting me, replaying my crimes for me whenever I let my guard down enough they can get at me. They were silent for a while after Tuvok was in there too, but they are back, like some chorus, accompanying every word you say."

"Was this the mental breakdown Raven referred to?" the Doctor asked.

"No. They know nothing about my voices. The mental breakdown was after I saw my father's file. I lost my sanity and went after Camet."

Janeway opened her mouth to ask a question only to be cut off.

It was Souris' turn to scream.

The group around Tom's bed hurried over to help Harry who was having no luck calming her as the Captain had Tom.

After a moment of her shoving their hands away, she flew off the bed and into the arms of the man standing on wobbly legs next to his own bed.

"Sunbird," she sobbed into his chest. "What's happening?"

He was about to explain when she lifted her tear-streaked face to his sad one. Her green eyes met his for an instant then turned inward and widened. She slid out of his arms and slumped to the deck to sit forlornly at his feet, whimpering softly, floods of tears running down her pale face.

Harry immediately rushed over, intent on embracing his emotional lover. Tom stepped away from Souris to hold Harry back. Angry brown eyes glared into blue.

"Let me go!" the younger man demanded.

"You can't help her now, Harry," Tom murmured. "Her lives are merging."

"What the Hell does that mean?"

"It means she's remembering who she really is."

"But it's hurting her!"

"Yes, it will."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

Tom looked down towards the woman rocking back and forth. Slowly, tortured green eyes met equally tortured blue ones. He had wanted to tell Harry, to prepare him for the pain that was coming, but now there was no time for it. Now he had to concentrate on the young woman, falling to pieces before him as the walls in her mind shattered like so much glass. Releasing Harry, he knelt down next to her, not touching her.

"You knew what happened," she said in a hoarse voice. "You were there."

"Yes," he admitted, knowing instantly to what she was referring.

"Why didn't you stop me?"

"You know the answer to that."

"But you broke their programming when you killed Gul Camet. Why couldn't you break it to stop me?!"

"Camet was personal. Seeing my father's file hit too close to home. Your family... your family I didn't know. I had no attachment to them. It wasn't personal."

"It was to me!" she sobbed. "They were *my* family! I loved them!" The eyes fell from his. "And that's why they had to die. Because I loved them too much," she whispered.

"You couldn't be extracted from your life long enough to do what The Protectors wanted. You and Danag were too close. You two couldn't go an hour without being in contact with one another. There was no way they could extract you from your life to use you if he was going to raise the alarm at not being able to contact you for even a brief length of time. And you know they wouldn't just shrug and remove you from the operatives list. You were too valuable to them. So they had to remove the obstacles so you could go on doing your job for them."

Her eyes leapt to his once more. "Obstacles? Obstacles! They were my husband and children!" Her eyes shut as her hands covered her lower abdomen. "And my baby!" she sobbed. "My poor baby."

Harry blanched and took a step back. Tom resisted sending a sympathetic glance towards his best friend. He felt for him. Discovering the woman he loved had been married and had had children was a blow, but nothing like the one that was about to hit him.

"How could they make me do that?" Souris continued to sob. "How could they make me murder them? Murder my own unborn baby? Why couldn't I break my programming? Why couldn't I refuse the order?"

Tom heard everyone gasp though he ignored it. "You tried to resist them, Allegia," he told her, the first person to call her by her true name in almost ten years. "They gave you the order and you tried to fight them. But they kept giving you a stronger doses of the burayte and Re-Educating you until-"

"Until I complied with the order and killed them!"

"Yes."

"And so many others. There were so many others who're dead because I did what The Protectors ordered me to do. How do you live with this?"

"By reminding myself it wasn't my idea, that at the time there was no difference between me and any of the equipment in here. I did what I was programmed to do and only what I was programmed to do. No independent thought, all predetermined, pre-programmed responses to imput. Never any say in the matter, just doing as ordered."

He cupped her face in his hands. "If we had been given the choice, Mousey, we wouldn't have done what we did. But we didn't have that choice. It was taken from us. Focus your anger on The Protectors. That's where it belongs. They are the ones who did this."

"But we did the killing. I see them. I see my family. Looking at me. Not understanding why I'm doing it. Asking me why? Begging me to save them." She made a strangled sound. "And taking the drug they gave me to kill my baby. We'd tried so long to have another child. We'd just found about it that morning. I don't even know if it was a boy or girl."

"It was a boy."

Fresh tears ran down her face. "Danag always wanted a boy."

Tom drew her to his chest where she stayed for a long time.

"I can't live like this," she sobbed. "I'm not strong like you."

"I'm not strong, Allegia. I just kept focused on getting them home. Then I hopefully can... find peace."

"End it you mean."

Tom nodded. "My Implant is damaged enough that I may be able to do it, yes."

Stunned, Kathryn deciphered what they were talking about in euphemisms was Tom committing suicide once Voyager was home. "Tom-"

Souris alias Allegia pulled back and looked at Tom through watery eyes. "But we're probably never getting home now."

"Voyager will get home one day. Probably not any time soon, but one day she will."

"I... I can't live like this," she repeated. "Please, Sunbird. I can't..."

For a long time he looked into her eyes without speaking. Finally, he found whatever it was he sought in their emerald depths.

"Harry, leave," Tom ordered, rising and going over to a drawer.

The ensign frowned at the pilot's back. "What? Why? What's she-"

"Captain, Commander, take him out of Sickbay."

Seeing what Tom was taking out of the drawer, the Doctor added his voice to the objections. "Mr. Paris-"

"Computer, discontinue EMH programme."

The Doctor vanished as Tom turned with the phaser in his hand. The others gasped and automatically stepped forward to disarm him, but he motioned with the weapon for them to stand back.

"Please don't make this harder than it has to be."

"Tom-" the Captain tried to reason.

A shake of his head cut her off. "Take Harry out of here. Now."

"I'm not going anywhere," Harry declared, "until I know what's going on."

Ignoring the younger man, Tom looked down at the woman on the deck. "You have to say it, Mousey. You have to tell me what you want."

"Please, Sunbird," the woman in question whispered.

Tears ran down Tom's face and his voice cracked as he repeated his request. "You have to ask me to do what you want me to do."

"Please kill me."

Tom raised the phaser, changing the setting to maximum as he did so.

Naturally Harry and Chakotay were voluble in their objections.

Kathryn, however, was oddly quiet. She was torn between stopping what was about to happen and facilitating it. Mercy warred with views as old as time about the sanctity of all life. Mercy won and Kathryn attempted to remove the ensign as Tom wanted. With his superior strength and determination to stay, he was successful in resisting her.

"No! Captain, you can't let him do this," Harry yelled. "Souris, don't do this. I know what happened was bad, but you can work through it. I'll help you. Don't-

Her eyes snapped to his. "'Work through it'?" she cried. "I killed my husband and children because The Protectors made me. I couldn't protect them. I couldn't even protect the five week old foetus I carried."

"That was in the past. The Protectors aren't here to-"

"In the past? My family was my life. Danag and I had the proverbial once in a blue moon sort of love. We were happier than any couple ever even dreams of being and I destroyed it."

"But that wasn't your fault. We can-"

"There is no 'we.'"

Harry stilled. "That's not true. You love me. You said so."

Fresh tears appeared. "Souris loved you. I'm Allegia. I'm not her."

"But-"

"You would condemn me to living with the Hell The Protectors have sentenced me to? To the memories of my children and husband screaming in terror and confusion and pain? To the memory of betraying my wedding vows by sleeping with you? By loving you?"

Paling, he had no answer.

"The memories aren't going to go away. Time won't make me forget what I have done. The memories will stay as sharp and painful as they are now. Death is best."

Suddenly, she disappeared in a transporter beam.

Confused, Tom lowered the phaser.

"I fulfilled her wish," Sunfire said sadly over the Comm. "Her molecules are scattered to the stars. I couldn't let you have yet another voice in your head, Sunbird."

Nodding, he let the phaser fall from his lifeless fingers. "Allegia's better off this way," he said, not looking at anyone. "At least it's all over for her now. If there is an afterlife then she's in it with her family and hopefully she'll have peace."

"I could have helped her," Harry insisted. "I could have -"

Tom met his eyes. "All you would have done is prolong her suffering, Harry, until one day she found some way to get around her Implant and kill herself."

"What do you mean?" Kathryn interrupted. "'Get around her Implant'?"

"The Protectors spend a lot of time and effort creating us. In the beginning, some AlphaOmegans became so unbalanced by The Training that when they were returned to their other lives to await the next time they were needed, they committed suicide. That was considered a waste of resources so now, amongst the other things that our Implants do, they prevent us from remembering anything about what we are or being able to commit suicide."

"'Waste of resources'?" Chakotay said, stunned. "You're talking about people, not phasers."

"They are one and the same in The Protectors' Grand Scheme of things. Both are weapons used to accomplish a goal. To be done with as the user pleases." Tom lowered his eyes as more tears fell. "They have one less weapon now."

Harry shook off the Captain's comforting hands and stumbled out of Sickbay.

"I think the memorial service should be tomorrow," Tom told the Captain in a monotone. "I should have Sunbird stabilized by then."

"Tom, you need rest and-" she started to insist.

"The Mess Hall would be best. 1000 hours. Neelix should have cleared out the breakfast crowd by then."

"Tom-"

"Sunfire?"

The other ship took the hint and he too vanished, leaving a stunned Chakotay and the Captain calling for the Doctor to reappear.

The next morning, Seven and Neelix were having a debate about nutritional value versus palatability of the meal he had served for breakfast when the doors to the turbolift in which they were riding opened and Harry Kim entered.

"Ensign Kim," Neelix greeted. "You were in the Mess Hall for breakfast this morning. Tell Seven it was not overly spiced."

Harry blankly stared at the Talaxian.

"I observed Ensign Kim did not eat his breakfast," Seven remarked. "He only repositioned it on his plate from time to time therefore he is not qualified to comment on what you served."

Neelix nodded. "Well, that is to be expected, what with the service for the AlphaOmegans being conducted in a few minutes."

"I'm not going," Harry mumbled, turning to the door.

"I don't know how many of the crew actually are really," Neelix admitted. "It's hard to mourn people who consistently lied to you and were going to kill you - no matter what the reasoning."

"They were not going to kill you or I, Mr. Neelix," Seven corrected. "Apparently you, the Doctor, and I were to be taken for study."

"Well, I don't imagine many people will be going. Except Mr. Kim, to say good bye to Souris."

"Her name wasn't even Souris," Harry muttered. "And I'm not going."

The doors opened again and Harry left.

In the end, only four people did attend the memorial service in the Mess Hall for the AlphaOmegans. The Captain, Tuvok, and the Doctor were the only members of Voyager's crew who were willing to come to say goodbye to the six who had lost their lives. As Neelix had predicted, none of the others were able to find their way past what had happened and permit any compassion to permeate the resentment they rightfully felt. All the anger and disappointment still was too close to the surface for the pity they felt for the dead to come through. 'Perhaps sometime in the future we'll say a prayer or something for them,' some told each other, 'but not now.' So the mourners only numbered four.

Tom was the fourth and last to arrive, beaming over from Sunfire only moments before the service was to begin. Earlier, when the Doctor had been preparing the deceased for their final resting place in the photon torpedo cases, Tom had sent over a dress uniform for each of the five bodies. Now he came in his own dress uniform, carrying six AlphaOmegan flags in his arms. Wordlessly rejecting the Captain's offer of help, he draped each "coffin" in a flag then laid the sixth one over Souris' uniform, lying on a table placed in line with the torpedo cases on their stands. Once he was done, he stood there for a long moment, staring at the remains of his dead colleagues.

When he was ready, he turned to the others. There were no tears in his eyes. No emotion at all. He had done all his crying the day before on Sunfire. With only a voice and mind left, Sunfire had no arms to hold him as he had cried, yet she had done her best to comfort him until he was done. Now he felt nothing. All the pain was gone and he felt dead inside.

"You may think it strange considering what the AlphaOmegans, namely The Protectors, did to them that I asked for them to wear their uniforms or that I put the flags over them, but it is not. When the AlphaOmegans were created, they were not what they are today. They were intended to be something to be proud of. They were intended to be the good guys. Whether they agreed with what we had become or not, these six were AlphaOmegans and I am proud of them. They were good people who did not deserve what they were made to be. I would like to properly introduce them to you."

As Tom made the "introductions," he stunned all present by revealing the connection between the deceased and the "children" who were intended to be Naomi's playmates.

He stepped over to Pardan's coffin. "This was Sar in his real life. He was the treasured son of his parents and possessed a musical genius seldom seen. Once we were trapped on Ultea III in a cave-in. All of us were hurt and exhausted and knew the chances of survival were slim. Sar fashioned this musical instrument out of bits and pieces from his kit and kept our minds off everything until help came. He also was the best First Officer I've ever had. I will miss his counsel and presence."

He touched Bartoq's coffin. "This was Mor, son of Kerr. He had the finest hand with a bat'leth that I have ever seen. And he had the fiercest, most loyal heart of anyone I have ever encountered. He saved my life more times than I can remember. I know he sits at Kahless' right hand in Sto-Vo-Kor."

Dumar was next. "This was Darkat." Tom half smiled. "He had the wickedest sense of humour I have ever heard. He had a bad joke for every occasion, each one worse than the one previous. I know he is somewhere with a whole new audience groaning at his bad punch lines."

The slight smile faded as he moved to Yana. "This was Pia. The first time we met, her Mission happened to intersect with mine and I won her in a card game. At the time she was the *property* of this crimelord who used her as a stake in the game. I was supposed to arrange it so a certain player won that round, but for some reason I couldn't let her go to him. So I cheated and won. It complicated both our Missions, but I'll never forget the look on her face when I won. It was this flash of relief that she wasn't going to have to go home with either of them as she was meant to." Unconsciously he rubbed his ribs. "The Protectors made me pay for my mistake, but I did not and do not regret saving her from how she would have been treated."

T'Kara's was the only coffin left and he laid both hands on the casing and was quiet for a moment. "This was T'Kosh," he finally told them. "She was the best pilot I've ever seen. She also had a calmness and an unerring logic I regretfully lack. Any time I felt I was losing control of a situation, all I had to do was exchange a glance with her and she'd give me the calm I needed. She never could teach me how to find it in myself, she knew it just wasn't there I guess, but she would let me have some of hers whenever I needed it. I am sorry there was no one there to accept her katra when her time came. The Universe became a lesser place when it was lost."

Gently, he laid a hand on Souris' uniform and the flag. "And this was Allegia. Beloved wife of Danag. Mother of Ita and Ipa and a little boy who never had the chance to receive a name. She was a precious creature who never should have been violated the way The Protectors did to her. It is for them that I swear on my miserable life and before witnesses that one day The Protectors will pay for what they did to all of us."

He stepped back. "Their battle is over. May they find the peace they fought to preserve and the happiness that they were denied in his life."

Sunfire beamed the five coffins, flags, and Souris' uniform out of the Mess Hall and into space. Tom turned towards the windows as they reappeared then were vaporized by a blast from Sunfire's phasers.

There was nothing left to say. At any other memorial there would have been socializing over a meal, toasts to the deceased, stories told of past good times and bad. This was not a normal memorial. Three of the mourners did not even really know the deceased and the fourth was incommunicative. It did not help that exactly half of the mourners consisted of a Vulcan who did not show emotions and hated socializing and a hologram who saw the subtleties of a funeral to be something to be analyzed in his attempts to evolve a better personality. The Captain and Tom were the only ones who truly appreciated the affair and Tom was standing, silently staring out at the stars, oblivious to the others.

Finally, Tuvok motioned for the Doctor to follow him and they left the two humans alone in the Mess Hall.

Kathryn stood there, watching her Conn Officer. As she had been unconscious when he had arrived in Sickbay, she had not seen him in his uniform until now and see took a long look at him.

Sunfire had permitted her to do some reading in the AlphaOmegan database. Because of that, she knew the four bands of white-edged black braid around the mock-turtleneck of his midnight blue uniform indicated his rank of Captain and his status as a Chosen One. It was his rank that surprised her. Logically, the last time they could have promoted him was over five years ago and back then she would not have thought Tom Paris mature enough to handle a Captaincy.

'But it wasn't Tom Paris who was made a Captain. It was AlphaOmegan 41783. You have no idea how mature or experienced he was or is.'

Sighing, her gaze ran over him, pausing only for an instant on what she secretly considered to be the best posterior on the ship. Mentally shaking herself, she refocused her attention on the clothes encasing that posterior and the rest of the lanky frame. His stance reminded her of someone else's. It took her only a moment to realize whose it was. His father's. After they had been rescued from Camet. The Admiral had seemed older somehow after the experience. Tom did too now.

As if he had read her mind, he began talking. "You didn't ask me much about Camet, Captain. You wish to talk about it now?"

She wanted to say it was a funeral and they could talk about Camet at a more appropriate time, but she did not. "Did you know it was me?" she asked. "That I was that ensign with your father?"

"At the time, I saw your name, yes, but until recently I didn't remember it." His lips formed a sad parody of a smile. "The general consensus always has been I'd willingly die to protect you. Turns out I already did. The good man - what little of him was left - died that day."

She swallowed hard. "Would you do it again?"

"Yes."

Reflexively, she took a step back.

Turning, Tom regarded her sadly. "You don't get it, do you? Camet nearly destroyed my father. Until Dad's capture, I had hope that we might one day be close, that one day I might actually do something that would make him proud. After he was rescued... Most of the time it was like none of us even existed anymore. Mom... Anyone who looked at them together could see how much she loved him and he shut her out. And Moira and Kathleen... Before, he'd always made time for them, but he suddenly 'had too much work to do.'" He swallowed hard. "And me... When he even acknowledged my presence it was one of those speaking glances people talk about in novels. The ones that seem to communicate exactly what the person was thinking? Well, he always was disappointed I hadn't done better, no matter how hard I'd tried or how well I'd done. He always communicated his displeasure without even saying a word."

"Tom..."

"Because of what Camet did to him he never was the same. Mom lost her husband. Kathleen, Moira, and I lost my father. He had to pay for what he had done to all of us."

"What you did..."

"Was what he deserved. I saw Camet's file. He was on track to become a very powerful man and The Protectors weren't going to stop him. He already was responsible for the deaths of so many. If he continued on in his career, more would be dead now. Consider it a public service, Captain. That's what I try to do."

"It was vigilante-ism, Tom. He should have been brought to the authorities. You had no right to do what you did."

"And what right had he to do what he did to you and my father? To all of us?"

Kathryn had no answer to that. She merely lowered her eyes and left the Mess Hall.

"Captain?"

She emerged from her stupor to see her First Officer inside the turbolift. Looking around, she discovered herself to be standing in the doorway. Quickly, she stepped inside and the doors closed.

"Please state your destination," the computer requested.

"Uh..."

Chakotay called out her deck number. As the lift moved, he touched her arm. "You okay?"

"I know what he did was wrong," she whispered, "so why can't I disapprove of him for having done it?"

"Paris," he guessed, "killing those Cardassians on that base?"

She nodded.

He sighed. "I seem to be having the opposite problem. I mean, given my history with the Cardassians, as much as I hate them for what they did to my people and the others in the Annexed territory and along its border, I should be feeling like you. I shouldn't be wondering if they really deserved what he did to them. I shouldn't be thinking it's one thing to, in the heat of the moment, kill an enemy in battle. I've been there. I've done that. With my bare hands even. But it is something else entirely to cold-bloodedly torture two of them. I keep remembering that he had them strapped down to chairs and systematically tortured them then killed them. I completely understand your feelings, Kathryn, but I can't understand why I don't totally share them."

Forgetting her own pain for a moment, she sadly smiled a comforting smile.

He smiled crookedly back.

"Why doesn't knowing how he did it seem to make the same difference to me?" she whispered. "Why doesn't knowing they suffered horribly and he's showing absolutely no remorse for it not make me hate him?"

The lift doors opened and he shepherded her out and down the corridor towards her quarters. "I can't answer that," he sighed. "But right now, you're tired and need rest. Maybe later we'll be able to figure things out."

At her door, she stopped and looked at him with glazed eyes. Without a word, she walked into her quarters.

"Is she resting, Commander?" the voice of Harry's second in command of Ops asked at his elbow a moment later.

Chakotay turned to her. "I hope so."

"She wanted to see this the moment it was finished, but I guess I should give it to you." She handed over a padd. "No further AlphaOmegan surprises have been located. Voyager is in need of supplies both for Engineering to complete repairs and for the kitchen and Astrometrics has found a planet nine days from here which might suffice."

"Good. And Sunfire?"

"Scans indicate she has been repaired for the most part. She still refuses to permit anyone other than Lieutenant Paris to board her so no exact estimate on remaining damage is available."

He frowned. "But there's nothing to indicate she's of any danger to us?"

"Engineering doesn't think so, however they're unfamiliar with most of her systems."

"Then let's hope Paris is a better engineer than we think he is and she doesn't suddenly self-destruct on us or something."

"Yes, sir."

"Any signs of the Gherop returning?"

"None."

"That's something at least," he sighed and followed her away from the Captain's door.

Tom heard the doors to the Mess Hall open a couple minutes after Janeway had left. From the eau de plasma coolant, he knew who the one to enter had been.

B'Elanna stopped two metres away from him.

Keeping his back to her, he let her play the opening gambit in the conversation. And it was not one he expected.

"Was the thing about the druid at Stonehenge really your memory or Raven's?" she asked.

"Mine. He knew about it because Alpha Two knew from a mindmeld he forced on me."

She paused then asked the question he had been expecting her to ask. "Chakotay says Raven used some sort of chemical to make me fall for him."

"It's a hormone his people exude. Normally it's used during mating to bond mates to one another for life. Raven is different than most. He has a kinked chromosome or something and he can't form a permanent bond to a mate, but he can form temporary bonds. That was what he was doing to you."

"So none of it was real."

"If you're asking if he loved you, no. Raven is incapable of love. He wanted to seduce you for revenge for imagined and not so imagined slights from me."

She was silent again for a while then asked the other important question on her mind. "Was our entire relationship because you really loved me or was it just expediency?"

Turning, he frowned at her. "Expediency?"

"To solidify your information network on the ship. So that when anything happened on the ship you'd know about it and be able to control it."

"If you're thinking I was using you then don't," he denied vehemently. "I was not given any instructions regarding establishing any ties, romantic, sexual, or otherwise to anyone, either during my time in the Maquis or here on Voyager."

"Are you sure? According to Tuvok, you claim you're still remembering things. How do you know you'll not remember them ordering you to get the Chief Engineer into bed?"

"If I were ordered to get you into bed then why did it take me over a year before I started pursuing you in earnest and so long after that before I succeeding in taking you to my bed?" he questioned earnestly. "Why did I spend so much time chasing Megan and Nicoletti instead of chasing you right off the bat? And why would they have ordered me to bed the Chief Engineer anyway? None of the Starfleet crew was going to survive their trip through the Badlands. The Protectors never waste time on anything that doesn't benefit them in some way. My seducing the Chief Engineer would have been a waste of time since the man who was the Chief at the time was going to be dead soon anyway. Besides, if they had wanted me to bed anyone it would have been the Captain, not someone as far down the chain of command as the Chief Engineer. Always go for the one with the power. That's one of the first rules we're taught."

"You've had to seduce others."

"Yes, I have."

She looked away from him, repulsed.

"As much as I wish it were otherwise, back then I had no say in whether I did something or not, so I can't apologize for following orders, no matter how distasteful I find them now. Back then, I was what they created me to be and, yes, unfortunately, part of me always will be. Until I Awoke my motivations and desires were dictated by them. If you had asked me which way was up, I couldn't have told you without their having told me first. If they told me to seduce someone, I did it."

He stepped closer and amazingly she did not move away. "Then I Awoke and for the following few months I was so wrapped up in trying to protect all of us from them that its only recently that I have been trying to figure out who I am now that I'm aware of all of my past." He cupped her face in his hands, forcing her to meet his eyes. "But the one thing I've never doubted through all this was that I love you. How I feel about you is the only certain thing that I do know about me."

"But what about how I feel about you?" she returned, stepping away. "What about how I feel about all this?"

"I know this is a huge shock, but I'm still the same man."

"Are you? The Tom Paris I knew wasn't a mass murderer. He wasn't someone who could cold-bloodedly torture or kill anyone."

"But that wasn't really me. There's no way I would do that now, not of my own choice."

"What about this Camet?"

Tom stopped short, feeling his position eroding.

And it was. At the look of revulsion appearing on her face, it felt like a physical blow was delivered to his midsection. She was not going to be swayed by any declarations of love and devotion anymore than she was going to believe he had changed. He could see her harden herself against him. The last hope he had of keeping her love died when she turned on her heel and left the Mess Hall.

Slowly, he turned back to the windows, tears trickling out from under his thick lashes.

Out of the corner of her eye, she saw the little boy again. This time he was perched on the top of a nearby table. Slowly, she shifted her gaze from the emotionally broken man in front of her to the child. Unlike their last encounter, he did not disappear. He returned her gaze then stared at Tom again. The main emotion she sensed from him was confusion. It was as if he could not comprehend what was happening.

Of course neither could she really. Sadly, she looked at Tom and resisted the urge to draw him into her arms. He was in so much pain, physically and emotionally. The desire in her to ease that pain was almost tangible.

Yet she limited herself to the merest of strokes to his face. Much more than that and he would sense her for sure. And it was not time for him to know of her. Not yet.

She glanced at the boy once more then headed for another problem in the making - Sunfire.

His heart leapt. B'Elanna was back, he thought.

Blue eyes flew open. Hope was evident in them.

But the Mess Hall was empty and the hope died along with his smile. He was alone. The soft hand brushing his cheek clearly was wishful thinking. Camet had been right all along. Now that they knew the truth about him, he was to be ostracized as he had been when he first came on board. Only this time there would be no green ensign declaring "he didn't let others choose his friends for him" and his only companions would be the chorus of voices saying "We told you so" in his head.

'I am going to beam her over here and give her a piece of my mind,' Sunfire insisted to the voice.

*No you are not,* she told the ship.

'How can she treat him this way. Doesn't she understand what she has? He loves her.'

*Like you love him.*

"Yes. But she has his heart. And she is organic. She has arms that can hold him. Lips that can kiss him. A body to give him the children he wants so badly. I have none of that anymore."

*She needs time to accept what she now knows about him.*

'Meanwhile his heart is broken.'

*I'm afraid so.*

'The Universe isn't fair.'

*No, it sadly is not.*

'Why are you so interested in him anyway?'

She sighed. *There is a debt that must be repaid.*

"Owen?"

Admiral Owen Paris heard the sound of his wife's voice as if from a long ways off. He heard it, he knew she was there in his home office, but he could not acknowledge her. The only thing he could do is stare blindly at the padd in his hand as he slumped in his desk chair.

"Owen, what's wrong?"

He felt hands roughened from years of palaeontological digs smoothing back his greying blond hair. In a moment of weakness rare for the great Admiral Paris, he turned into the hand as it caressed his cheek. "Just hold me," he whispered and buried his face in her slight chest.

The pad fell to the ancient hard wood floor. The highly classified information that Admiral Naychev had given him on his way out of his office at Command blinked off so Tom's mother did not see what his father had seen. She was spared reading the report detailing an attempt to recover Voyager and her crew, an attempt whose failure was directly attributable to the actions of one Thomas Eugene Paris.

"Owen Paris has read the report, as have the others you wanted to see it," Alpha Two informed Alpha One when he found her in Vassanji's lab.

Alpha One nodded her head, long hair as snowy white as her Protectors uniform swishing with the movement. Her eyes remained focused on the pale pink mass floating in the chamber before them. "And they immediately classified it so Thomas Eugene Paris would not give Starfleet yet another black eye?"

"As you predicted they would."

"And none have asked any questions as to who undertook this mission or how?"

"Section 31 have taken the credit for it as they agreed. No one is questioning any further."

"They know they don't *want* to ask any questions if Section 31 is involved."

"I do not understand, Alpha One, why you asked them to do this."

"All part of my master plan," she smiled secretively then sobered. "Now, has the team reported back from this secret base of his yet?"

"Yes. Raven says they found nothing other than precisely what AlphaOmegan 41783 had told the party who supposedly were leaving Voyager in the parole test to expect. They are examining the databanks of the base's computer, but so far nothing. Perhaps we should permit them another twenty-four hours? If they still have nothing, then have them destroy the base?"

"No, I think not. That base could be useful. Continue the cover story that they are an archaeological team studying the practices of past archaeological digs and have them secure it for our use. I don't want anyone accidentally finding it and stumbling across the files that we somehow overlooked. Plus, I don't want him being able to use it again should he return to this quadrant."

"Alpha One, the odds are against his ever returning to the Alpha Quadrant. Even if Voyager or Sunfire or both made it home, it is unlikely it will be with him on board. The area the ships are in is fraught with danger. They will blame him for their remaining in the Delta Quadrant while we left. There are many temperamental ones on that ship. Someone will deal with him. All providing he actually survived being bombarded with the akoonah frequency as we left."

"Ah, but this is AlphaOmegan 41783 we are talking about here," the old human reminded him. "That one is like the Zarzar cat. Just when you think he is dead, he reappears once more. He has survived impossible situations, ones that would have been the end of anyone else. I am not willing to underestimate him. Not when he is so dangerous to us." She grimaced. "Besides, Sunfire is there with him. She can substantiate his claims. So can any AlphaOmegans who survived."

"Sunfire was damaged, this much we know for certain. As for the others, they will be dead, either from the self-destruct or from having Awakened. They never were as strong as Tom Paris or AlphaOmegan 41783. Given their pasts, it is certain they will descend into madness if not find some method of suicide."

"But their deaths are not a certainty." She frowned. "If only we had not needed Voyager back so badly, you could have triggered the self-destruct sequence the moment you had AlphaOmegan 41783 and the couple others that we wanted."

"The Borg, Talaxian, and EMH, yes. Not bringing them back with us was unfortunate."

"Have the Implants of all of those on The Diogenes been reinitialized?"

"Yes."

"Good. I would have hated to have lost anymore than you already did."

"Alpha One, what about Raven?"

"What about him?"

"Surely you've seen the logs of his actions, especially of his confrontation with AlphaOmegan 41783. Raven is becoming willful and-"

"Leave Raven to me. I have plans for him and they need him exactly the way he is."

"I see."

"No, you don't, but one day you might. Progress report, Vassanji," she demanded of the grey uniformed lab technician who came into view.

He hurried over to Alpha One's side.

"Everything is on schedule," he reported. "He'll have matured enough to leave his chamber in fifteen days."

Alpha One smiled smugly at the clone that slowly was forming before them. "Very good, Vassanji. Tell the others to prepare for the next phase."

"Yes, Alpha One."

"Sarah? Sarah, you awake?"

"How could I not be with you yelling in my ear, Gabriel?"

"Who are they?"

"AlphaOmegans, obviously."

"Yeah, but Sunbird's not with them."

"Also obvious," Joshua interrupted.

"But they haven't imput the codes to properly turn off the alarms."

"Don't say it, you two," Chloe ordered in a matronly voice before Sarah or Joshua could repeat their "obvious" comments. "Go ahead, Gabriel."

"Well, if he sent them here, then why haven't they done it? If he didn't send them here, how did they find the Base and not be killed trying to get in here?"

"They didn't send him," the twins chorused.

There was a confusing clash of voices demanding to know what the pair meant. The din was shushed only by Chloe's admonitions.

"Bridget, Bryce, tell us what have you found out." she invited them.

And they did. Soon every resident of Tom's Base knew everything about him and the events of the past few days as recorded by The Diogenes and copied to the memory banks of the small AlphaOmegan craft currently resting in the hanger bay.

"I say we -"

The so far silent Samuel cut Sarah off. "We will do nothing, except wait."

"But-"

"With Sunfire there and the plans for altering Voyager in their possession, they may be able to return home."

"If they have the skills to do it."

"If they have the skills to do it, yes. He will need our help when he returns home. We will wait here and prepare for that day. Since the AlphaOmegans plan to remain here, we will be needed to thwart their search for his secrets."

"Can we honestly do that?" Gabriel whispered. "Are we strong enough to do it without revealing ourselves?"

"We were programmed to be creative and adapt. And so we will."

One by one, each of them agreed.

'You have to tell him,' I'Nu grimaced. 'It's not like it's something you can hide from him.'

"Stop hovering in the doorway, I'Nu," E'Arte barked. "What news from the fleet?"

Reluctantly, the young Gherop clerk approached his superior's desk, careful to remain out of arm's reach. "The ship that came to Voyager's aid has gone, E'Arte. They have left behind a second, smaller ship."

"And Voyager?"

"Damaged, but not irreparably."

"Good. It shouldn't be long before she comes to us. Order all ships of Gherop design into hiding. I don't want her recognizing them and being scared off. She must feel safe to come to Rachar."

"Yes, E'Arte."

"And send congratulations to the families of the Gherop in the battle. Tell them they died in glorious fashion, et cetera, et cetera. The usual nonsense."

"Yes, E'Arte."

"What about the observation ship? Did it survive?"

"Yes." He shuffled his feet. "But it is on its way back to Rachar. On a direct route."

"What?! They were supposed to return to their base, not here!"

"And they don't know if Voyager or the small ship saw the direction in which they travelled or not."

The cup in E'Arte's hand shattered, showering Zji who stood silently at his side, with clay fragments and wine. "Execute them immediately."

"Perhaps you might want to hear the news they're bringing back first?" I'Nu quickly suggested. "They intercepted a transmission from the small ship to Voyager. The information maybe useful in taking her."

"You are correct, I'Nu," E'Arte begrudged. "Bring the commanding officer here to report. Then they will die."

As I'Nu scurried out, Zji carefully tended the wounded hand her master stuck out towards her.

"This information had better be good," he muttered to himself. "If they have ruined this..."

Zji gently coaxed open the fists he made, thus bringing his attention to her at least in part. She knew he was not actually talking to her, she could have been a potted plant for all he cared right now, but she was something to vent his rage to so she would do.

"If the situation on this planet is not resolved and resolved soon, T'Do will send troops to resolve it permanently. If that happens, nothing will be left standing. Nothing and no one. Rachar *or* Gherop."

She repressed a shiver. Word of the Gherop Emperor's actions when he was not pleased had reached Rachar not long after the Gherop had enslaved her planet. Fervently, she hoped everyone's plans would see fruition before T'Do's patience with the rebels on Rachar ran out.

Part of her also hoped Voyager did come, for the Verta had plans for her of their own.