Disclaimer: I don't own any element of FFVII. This story is written for pleasure and not for profit.

The why of things

Chapter 9

"Restart"

By Lady Yomi

Two guns fired at the same time and only one hit its target.

Cissnei and Kunsel witnessed Sadie drop to her chest on the ground before firing; employing the prone shooting position to reduce her enemy's target area. Both felt surprise and relief when she adopted this stance, since it offered a smaller silhouette which was very handy for either defense or stability.

Lucrecia Crescent had a weapon but she was at a clear disadvantage as she lacked the military training of her attacker, and her shot missed at six feet in the air, where Sadie's head used to be.

The rebel's projectile found rest in the doctor's jaw, sending her tumbling off the bridge like one of those pretty glass bottles she used to shoot at during target practice. They would always rotate for an instant before shattering into a thousand pieces. Humans weren't so transparent as glass, but they were just as vulnerable as it.

"Sadie!" Cissnei groaned on the floor, holding her shoulder as she watched Dr. Crescent's corpse fall over a mako tank. "What part of get the hell out of here didn't you understand?!"

"A certain redhead once told me that you shouldn't hesitate when carrying a weapon." She frowned and moved out of the firing position. "This place will be crawling with guards any minute."

Cissnei nodded, concealing a grin at being reprimanded with her own words. "Yes. We can't waste time." She stood up without letting go of her shoulder.

"Are you all right? You shouldn't move in that state." Sadie reached over and applied a healing materia to her, which she pulled out of her jacket pocket.

"I've seen worse."

"Done." Sadie nodded when she realized that her partner's chest wound was fully healed. "It's the only orb I had with me, don't let them shoot you again."

"Don't worry, I won't." Cissnei huffed when she saw that Kunsel was trying to climb over the railing of the suspension bridge. "What on earth are you supposed to be doing now, Kunsel Reiss?!"

The Soldier barely raised his voice, balancing himself over one of the tanks: "I'm going to get my teacher out of there."

"Oh, Kunsel, this is too much!" Cissnei avoided Sadie (who wasn't very convinced of her quick improvement) ready to pull him back to the platform. "Don't we have enough troubles because of that woman?!"

"She raised me," Kunsel replied as he fumbled at the control panel on the back of the massive generator that powered the containers. "If your bloody mother were here after you believed her dead, would you walk away like it was nothing?"

The former Turk held onto the railing, surveying his actions. "Probably. I've no interest whatsoever in helping someone I don't know."

"Bah. Look who I've come to ask for scruples..." He punched the panel firmly, but it remained unresponsive to any of his multiple attempts to activate it. "Damn it!"

Cissnei sighed, every Soldier she came across tended to want to resolve everything with blows. She glanced over her shoulder at Sadie before saying: "I'm going down to help him. You go to "F" section, okay?"

"If you go down there you're going to need someone to watch your back, those guys are going to be here any minute. I'll hide and give you a bit of time."

At that moment a siren startled them with its long high-pitched wail. The lights in the subway complex turned red and flickered only seconds after the audible alarm went off.

"All the bullets in the world aren't going to buy us the time we need." Cissnei picked up her second gun and proceeded to reload it as well. "If we get caught it better be with Zack, I'd rather see him every day in our cell than let him burn in this mako hellhole alone."

Sadie nodded and took off running across the bridge toward the "F" section. She ran with all her might but kept feeling heavy and slow; like she was inside a nightmare where she drifted through a molasses sea to escape imminent danger.

The sound of her boots against the rickety steel heightened that unsettling feeling, as each strike seemed to become increasingly spaced out as she neared her goal.

"Section F."

The sign passed over her head almost unnoticed, and every muscle in her body ached as she stopped her rampant running amidst the sector's containers. She peered over both sides of the railing, trying to spot her target among the hundreds of tanks under the bridge. Many were fogged over, others covered in dirt, and most too surrounded by wires to make out what they contained.

"Damn it!" She lunged downward and her body complained as her feet made contact with the basement, ten feet below. She stood up and jogged through the darkness, discovering with dread that for some obnoxious reason these tanks were numbered instead of being labeled with the names of the stored subjects.

She approached each of the glass panes around her and rubbed their surface with her hands and forearms as fast and hard as she could. People of all ages remained imprisoned inside the containers and her stomach turned over when she discovered several children floating among nests of mako-covered wires. Sadie felt so much anguish that she nearly broke the walls that separated her from these stolen lives.

But she didn't have that luxury; Zack came first. It was unfair... and she knew he'd demand for her to get these people out of their cells before him, but she wasn't and didn't expect to become a hero. Heroes ended up like Zack Fair; paying for things no one should have to pay for.

She continued to walk through the huge "F" section, accompanied by the mournful siren who persevered as much as she did in her attempt to perform her duty. That siren was joined by other sounds that froze Sadie's heart:

Gunfire. The guards had arrived to sector 13A and were probably opening fire on Cissnei and Kunsel.

Sadie paused, biting her lips until they hurt. She was blindly confident in their survival (no matter how many subjects they faced: a Soldier and a Turk weren't an easy duo to subdue), but she felt awful about leaving them behind.

She was clearing the surface of a new tank when she saw from the corner of her eye that an adjoining room had its lights on. She unlocked the safety lock on her gun and stepped with both haste and caution into the place. If she was lucky enough to find a worker in there she could force him to take her to Zack.

She pushed the door open with her free hand's back and entered without lowering her weapon, whose flashlight pointer shifted from side to side in search of movement. It didn't take her long to discover that the room was some sort of sinister aquarium, with dozens of bodies floating inside transparent bags. Surrounded by the ever-present mako like fishes in the water.

No employees were in sight but the bodies were easier to identify through the windows, so she anxiously peered through one of them; sticking her nose to the glass as her eyes darted around, following the flashlight beam that illuminated faces that seemed to pleasantly dream in the midst of the Avernus they were captives of.

"Zack, Zack..." she started to whisper on the verge of a nervous breakdown. The gunshots couldn't be heard anymore. They'd come any second now, and Zack wouldn't be back.

Aerith would never find peace. She'd go on waiting forever, stuck in the uncertainty of wondering whether to keep hoping or daring to live without him again. Nobody would treasure Angeal's honor. His dreams and all that he entrusted to his apprentice would be lost with him.

And she...

She dropped to her knees before the window, without releasing the flashlight with which she persistently focused on hundreds of faces. They all had to be saved, but the one she needed to save herself... wasn't there. Sadie hit the glass with her forehead, letting out a pained groan as she slid to the floor, unable to maintain her faith for another second.

She felt like screaming and tearing everything around her apart, but her gaze fell on something she didn't notice while standing in the room; a man slept in a bag similar to those in the eerie aquarium where she searched only moments ago. He rested under a rickety desk that (from the looks of the multiple bloodstains) seemed to have been used as a gruesome operating table where precarious surgeries were performed.

The woman crawled closer, gaping slightly as she recognized the profile of the face she was looking at. It was hard to distinguish him beneath the matted hair and pale, sickly complexion. He had many new scars, but the most glaring was a cross-shaped one that ran across his jaw from side to side. She'd never seen it before, but it had to be Zack.

It had to be him.

She grabbed the bag and pulled it off the bottom tray of the desk, tearing the material with her sore fingers from scrubbing the despicable containers with all her might. Sadie wrinkled her nose when she was engulfed by the overpowering smell of alcohol, undoubtedly used to preserve the bodies inside each capsule.

She took the man by the shoulders and placed him on her lap. His torso was naked, but he was wearing the pants and boots of a Soldier's uniform that she'd recognize anywhere. As soon as the detail dawned on her, her hopes rose dramatically. She smacked his face with both rudeness and haste, he was chilled to the bone and the fear that he was dead ran through her from head to toe.

She wanted to say something to wake him up, but her nerves were so bad that her voice wouldn't come out. Not even her own breath seemed to flow in and out of her body for several minutes now, so she kept shaking and slapping him with her glassy gaze lost in his sleeping face.

He looked different; youthful features hardened by the obvious hardships he endured. But there was still an innocence in his expression that she learned to desperately look for in every Soldier she came across since he disappeared.

"Zack!" Her voice sounded hoarse and high-pitched when she finally managed to speak, still shaking him by the shoulders with increasing violence. "You can't die, I have to take you home!" She pursed her lips into a line, gripping the unconscious man's wrists with her remaining strength. "You have to see Aerith! She's waiting for you, damn it!"

Aerith.

What a beautiful name.

It brought back memories of flowers; Midgar's golden flowers and their vanilla scent. They shone like the sun, but without hurting the eyes. Which was a blessing, because he thought the sun was a lovely thing and being unable to see it directly sucked.

Why were there beautiful things in this world if one wasn't able to appreciate them? He wanted to face that splendor head-on and be filled by all its brightness, by its endless warmth.

A deep sigh escaped from his chest and his breath darkened the air around him.

Come to think of it, it was a long time since he'd been in front of something that made him vibrate. Lately, everything was rather... monotonous. There were no new tastes, smells, or sights. Everything was dreary and closed, sad and caged.

He felt a deep oppression around him, as if the darkness throbbed when it sensed his lucidity. Where was he before it all went out? Where did the flowers and the warmth go? He spun around, trying to retrace his steps to get out of that place.

"Hey!" He echoed with his hands. "Is anyone here?!" He twisted his lips into an annoyed grimace. How did he get into such a wolf's mouth? It was obvious he wouldn't find anyone dumb enough to be just as stuck as he was.

"Zack."

He startled when he heard his name rumble in the dimness. "Ah! There's really someone there!" He grinned from ear to ear and sighed, relieved. "I thought I was lost, luckily I'm not the only one who wanders off the path in these parts."

The voice didn't answer and his smile slowly faded. Something in the back of his head warned him that nothing good happened when his name was called, and he became puzzled at the curious direction of his thoughts.

"Zack, please."

The voice was growing insistent and for some unknown reason he didn't quite like that. He frowned and took a step back, wary.

"Zack."

"Enough with the Zack, Zack...!" he growled, feeling a dreadful fear rise up from his legs and paralyze him, preventing him from moving away from whatever was calling him. "Be careful of what you ask for because it's going to ram you like a speeding train, do you hear me?!"

He received a blow to the chest in response and went sprawling backward to the ground. He felt himself land on an icy surface and discovered to his horror that he was lying on the horrific desk of his nightmares.

How the hell could he forget the desk?!

He flailed around attempting to scream his throat out, but his body remained motionless as he suffered the helplessness of being stabbed relentlessly and mercilessly by the knives and needles that descended upon him. From the depths of the terror that consumed him, he could feel the cuts as blows that terrified and confused him at the same time. That bastard scientist must have fucked up something on his nerves; he couldn't even suffer like a normal person anymore.

He growled under his breath, tired of being beaten by his captor. If only he could move a finger! He breathed in and was shocked to notice that the air was colder than normal. Everything around him was blurry so he tried to move. He knew that losing his vision would send him back into darkness and he was sick of that place. Sick of looking for light where it would never exist.

He tried his hardest to hold the image of the flowers in his mind; the warmth and the light. He suspected that if he clung to them long enough, they'd give him the strength he needed to regain his longed-for freedom.

The flowers swayed gently, caressed by a mysterious breeze that escorted a walker whose hair glowed with an extremely similar light.

"Cloud!" Zack smiled through the pain, ecstatic to remember his best friend after so many years of forgetfulness. "Cloud, man! I finally found you!" He reached for him, but the pain of lying motionless on the desk slapped him roughly. "Ah, that's right. I'm just imagining you..." He sighed, holding every detail of Cloud's face in his mind. "Maybe I should stay here. Being my legacy gave you a purpose to recover and made your dream come true. If I go back you won't be able to shine as you deserve, my friend." He forced a smile and Cloud's ghost returned it before disappearing into the sea of light that surrounded him.

He grimaced, feeling sick at the thought of his friend abandoning him. Even knowing it was an illusion it was nice to think they were still together. Loneliness filled his chest with anguish as he stood alone with the sinister knife man.

That damned good-for-nothing guy! Zack wasn't going to let some pathetic old man in glasses have his way with him. He felt nauseous when the shaking returned and he clenched his fists, concentrating all his fury on stopping the torture. It didn't matter if there were many more to come after that one, at least once... he'd show him the terrible strength of a Soldier.

He roared his attacker's name and stood up quickly, grabbing him by the shoulders to smash his clenched fist into that disgusting face that kept smiling through the shiny glass he'd just broken.

"No more!" he growled, his voice hoarse with anger. "No mo-"

He froze.

He wasn't in front of the guy with the knife, but in front of... a woman. One who stared at him with wide eyes behind a cute, bloodied face. Zack yelped in shock and jerked away from her to avoid further damage. "I, I... don't know, I don't know what happened!" He became distressed upon discovering that his knuckles were reddened and stained with blood. He needed no further proof to confirm that he'd wounded her by mistake.

The girl (to his great confusion and surprise), let out a jovial laugh amidst the tears that flooded her green eyes. She said nothing but just laughed with evident bliss in her gaze. Zack sighed when he realized that he was still in the creepy surgery room, she was the only thing out of place.

"I'm sorry," he mumbled without looking away from the cutting wound he gave her. "I don't understand anything. Who are you? How did you get in?"

The smile faded from Sadie's face, giving way to a pained expression that brought a lump to Zack's throat. "You don't know... who I am?"

The survivor shook his head slightly, pursing his lips into a line as he muttered: "No, I'm sorry. Should I?"

She nodded with her eyes closed and Zack felt that his answer caused her more pain than the punch.

"Oh. Sorry, I..." He sighed, looking regretfully at the new scars that ran across his arms. He put a hand to his forehead and forced a smile. "I'm not quite right in the head. These bastards fiddle with the wiring until you forget who you are, you know?" He tightened his lips together and stared at her. "What's your name?"

"Sadie." The girl approached him with a hesitant step and slipped an arm under his, holding him by the waist. "Sadie Darcy."

Zack stiffened at the unexpected contact. "What are you doing?"

His savior dragged him with considerable effort to help him up from the floor. "You can't walk alone and we need to leave before they know we're in this part of the sector." She looked outside with narrowed eyes. "The patrol passed this way twice, but they still didn't think to look inside." She looked at him directly and deeply, causing the Soldier to look away at the gesture. "Zack, do you remember Aerith?"

Aerith, the flower girl. Twenty-three little wishes, eighty-nine letters.

Aerith!

Zack smiled until the corners of his mouth ached and nodded vigorously. "In fact... you just reminded me about her!"

Sadie smiled back without managing to hide a certain sadness that the man read on her face. "Good. I was afraid I'd done all this for nothing."

"Hmm? What do you mean, all this?"

The girl adjusted her grip on him and began to walk, carrying her companion's weight with determination. She looked straight ahead and her chest filled with fearlessness before a confident smile tugged at her lips as she explained: "Embrace my dreams, protect my honor."

Author's note:

Another chapter gone! Zack is finally back, albeit with the added twist of his partial amnesia (and other tidbits you'll learn about later XD).

I'm grateful for the wonderful comments I received both in FFN and AO3, as well as the kudos I got from the users of the latter. Big hugs to the silent readers as well, I love to see that you're enjoying the story! :D