"Nonono! Here's the really good part! So then she turns around, right? And she's all like "will you die for me?" and then Issei's face! Oh Red, you should of seen it!"
"Get off of me you brainless idiot."
Naruto pouted. "Oh come on Red, be honest for once in your life! You totally dug that and you dig me! I can see it in your eyes!"
"You're both idiots."
Three odd entities floated high above the skies of the True Dragon's domain, two very tiny ones and one gigantic.
The Great Red let out a sigh that resulted in a sand storm below, "What the hell do you want anyways? I was napping before you came over to dick around."
"I need a favor!" Naruto cut straight to it, a wide grin on his face as he beheld the biggest beast in this universe.
"A favor?" The Great Red repeated "and why in the nine hell's would I do that?"
Naruto glanced at the darkly dressed woman next to him. "Is that a thing now? Was that always a thing?"
Ophis merely shrugged her shoulders and then attended to her tea. In which Naruto did the same and returned to the matter at hand.
"Cos I'm your bro, bro! Narubro, is what you used to call me! Remember college together?! You got so drunk on your twenty-first, I had to carry you back all the way home and you missed your chance with—"
"—Shut up! Damn it! Why do you do this to me? I just don't understand you, meatball! You said I would live in peace! This is the exact opposite of peaceful!"
"Fine fine, if you don't want to play along then I have another idea. How about a bet then?" Within the span of a second a great golden arm the size of Red's very own with black prints suddenly sprouted from the blonds right arm. With massive claws for fingers and flames licking away at the edges. "Let's arm wrestle! If I win, you have to do me a solid! If you win...er, what do you want?"
"I want cows." was the dragon gods immediate response.
Naruto blinked. "Come again?"
"You heard me fool, I want cows! Dozens and dozens of them! A field of cows! I haven't had any junk-food in literal years, Uzumaki. The last time I bothered with any affairs in the human world they regarded me as a god and constantly fed me cows all the time. I had to leave of course. I was...losing my figure, if you catch my drift."
"You were getting fat." Ophis commented with a thin lipped smirk.
"Watch your tongue witch! I wasn't getting fat! I just...lost sight of myself for a bit. Besides, that was ages ago. Before even He came into his throne and the power of Baal ruled the lands."
"Power of Baal?" Naruto echoed, his interest peaked.
"A story for another time, but there were humans before these and there was a god before God Himself."
Naruto whistled, there was still so much about this world that he didn't yet understand. It actually served to make him a little excited. "Okay, another time then. Right now..." Naruto clenched his arm and the wispy specter responded accordingly.
The Great Red merely glared for a moment, before finally it nodded its head. "Alright, I want those cows. You're on."
It's massive arm latched onto the ephemeral figure and the dragon grinned(?), showing off its rows of menacingly sharp teeth—each one as big as a house.
In between them Ophis raised a single hand, her attention still on the tea cup in her hands. Despite this, she still lowered it in the universal signal for them to begin. A dull smirk over her lithe features. The very ground underneath them rattled and shook, small hairline fractures forming and cracking the surface as a result of the sheer force being exerted above.
At least she wasn't bored.
The week had gone by terribly for Issei, as predicted, in spite of the fact that he didn't even attend class once this entire week. In fact none of them did. In their place Naruto would leave clones behind while they took to Red's dimension for more 'training' for the entire school day. Then, the clones would burst after school was done and Naruto would personally tutor the two heavenly dragons right after. The only bright-side to all of this was that Ophis was officially really hot now and great to look at.
I mean, her breasts! They were even bigger than Rias's! It's almost unbelievable!
Issei practically drooled as his thoughts began to wander onto the darker road. It wasn't until an invisible force slammed into his gut and knocked the wind out of him that he snapped out of it. The teen dropped to his knees shortly after and groaned in pain. No one saw Ophis move, so no one could prove it. But they could all see the satisfied smile on that normally expressionless face.
"Alright! Gather around team, we've got some things to discuss before our trip to the underworld." Naruto floated above his counter, a grin on his face with Ophis at his side.
"Ara ara, our brave leader speaks. We must obey everyone." Akeno joked while crossing her arms.
"We should kill him."
"Koneko, don't start this again." Kiba muttered while pinching the bridge of his nose.
Out of all of them, Rias stayed silent. Her fingers gripping the edges of her school skirt as she thought about what this battle would truly decide for her. That her very future was on the line...
"Hey, Issei, remember what I told you." Naruto nudged him and winked.
"Yeah yeah, don't do anything until the very last second cos that's how it works."
"And...?"
Issei exhaled. "And I'll be sure to do the thing right after." He grumbled.
Naruto grinned so wide it threatened to tear his face in two.
...and in the hands of these guys. Great, what could possibly go wrong?
Everything.
Everything could go wrong.
"Alright kids, hold on a sec while I make sure Sirzech is ready!"
"You know, we could always just open a portal ourselves and—" Akeno spoke up, only to be interrupted.
"—Nonono! This is for your own good, trust me!" The horns on his head made it really hard to do that.
Naruto dialed the number and put the phone up to his ear, then awaited patiently for his the Lucifer to pick up. Three rings later and a smooth voice could faintly be heard over the other line.
"Ahhh, Naruto, I take it everyone's ready?"
"Yup! We're all set to go here, what about your end?"
"We are good to go! It wasn't easy, but I managed to pull a couple of strings. Are you sure this will work?"
"Positive. Minus a heart attack here and there, it'll be fine. Just chill out and wait for the signal."
"What's the signal?"
"You'll know it when you see it, trust me."
"Roger, out."
Naruto swiped right on the phone and ended the conversation before clapping his hands together happily and regarding them all. "Alright class, Naruto-sensei here! It's about time we begin our trip to the underworld...in style." He winked, "So buckle down! Kick back! And try not to cry!"
The teen's all exchanged a nervous glance with one another, none of them really liking the vile looks on Naruto or Ophis's face. "Would you like to do the honors?" Naruto extended the offer to the woman next to him.
"Of course." She responded, and with a snap of her fingers the proverbial shit hit the fan.
"Where the hell is she?!"
Riser Phenex sat within a perfect replica of the Kuoh Academy's principals office, his all female peerage consisting of a whopping fourteen members surrounding him. And even more, a crowd of devils who were patiently waiting behind an oddly colored veil surrounding them, and the entirety of what was Kuoh Academy itself.
His queen, a beauty with a destructive ability by the name of Yubelluna, smirked. "Perhaps they were afraid, Riser-sama. You are unbeatable after all, I too would be scared."
The man who inherited the will of the legendary Phoenix couldn't help but agree with her as he kicked his feet up and reclined. "Who could blame them." He shrugged. "I suppose we can just declare me the victor now and—"
Before the bird could finish his sumptuous speech, a flash of light blinded them. Riser turned his agitated eyes to window while ignoring the complaints of his peerage, where up in the sky, a darkly lit scar had suddenly made its home. It hummed an angry red color and spanned as far as the eye could see. No one, not even a blind man, could've missed it.
All at once the attention shifted.
"What the fuck...?"
"What in the nine hell's is that?!"
"Are we being attacked?!"
The crowd voiced their concerns as they looked on at what was happening above, waiting with baited breaths as the crack in the sky widened, as if something were about to come through...
(Five minutes ago...)
"Alright, so, here's the plan! We're gonna swoop in, scare the ever-loving shit out of them, kick their asses, impose our will, and then head back to the Gremory estate for dinner." Naruto explained. "Everybody clear on that?"
"Clear." Issei said.
Ophis merely nodded in return and returned to her manga, which had now taken the place of her tea.
"W-w-what the he-hell is that?" Kiba pointed up with wide eyes at the massive—no—at the enormous red dragon circling them from above.
"Or more like, where is this?" Akeno mused while her gaze swept over the desolate, dry landscape and distant mountains beyond.
"That's Great Red, he's my friend, and this is his home." Naruto gestured first to the dragon and then to their surroundings. "He's going to help us make an entrance...of sorts."
"An entrance he says..." Kiba mumbled, finding it nearly impossible to tear his eyes away from the beast.
Just who the hell is this guy? Rias looked at the Great Red, and then looked at Naruto, and then at the dragon, and back to 'the devil'. "That...that's The Great Red... I've heard stories but..."
"—But he's even uglier in person! I know what you mean!" Naruto nodded, agreeing with her.
Somehow the True Dragon must have heard the blond as a gust of wind so powerful that it managed to create a crater where he stood slammed down over him. To which Naruto promptly flicked the dragon off in the now universal 'fuck you'. "He's a great guy, a bit shy and can come as off rather thuggish, but overall really cool." Naruto thumbed up in spite of him standing in a hole two times his size.
"You're insane..."
"Yes I am!" He waved his hand, and suddenly they were all floating up without the use of wings. "Now when we show up, you need to show out! Get super serious! I want to see your best Uchiha face...here, look at mine." The blond sneered and pretended to look down on them while glaring daggers. "See, it's all in the stare. If you can manage to master that everything else comes naturally."
"Brother, I think think you've told them enough. We're running a bit late."
"Oh, damn it!" Naruto checked his wrist, which had no clock, and paled. "Shit, we are running late!"
Like a super elevator, they rose higher and faster until they were face to face with the True Dragon himself. Its eyes somehow piercing through them, and when it spoke, their entire bodies rumbled. "I will seriously never understand how you get into these damnable situations." It grumbled.
Naruto merely shrugged. "Who knows, Red. I've always had a knack for trouble."
"I can see that... Remember our deal flesh-bag, I want cows. Lots and lots of cows. And if anyone other than you and the witch comes and bothers me, I'll burn your world to the ground until there's nothing left."
"Yeah yeah, total annihilation, get on with it." Naruto ushered him along.
The Great Dragon took a moment to return the universal 'fuck you' before bringing up that single extended claw and tracing a line through seemingly nothing.
(Present time...)
"Grafiya, get the camera out!"
The high maid looked at her husband as if he'd grown a second head. Inwardly disturbed by the giant smirk on his handsome features. "Excuse me?" She asked. "Are you not seeing this, Lucifer?" She stressed the title out.
Sirzech didn't really seem to care. "Please, for the love of all nine hell's, get the camera out! I'm begging you!"
Next to him, his father narrowed his eyes. "I hope you don't have something to do with this..." The head of the Gremory family sighed. Today was bound to be a headache, he knew it.
"Somethings coming out!"
Indeed, what looked like the peak of a mountain tore through the thin crack, followed by another, and another, and another one...until it was torn all the way open and the fiery eyes of what most would constitute as a god burned through. A roar that rattled the very core of the underworld and the souls of all who were present echoed, and teeth that looked as if they could take a chunk off of the Earth itself were displayed for all to see.
It was a dragon, one bigger than anyone had ever seen or heard of. The trunk of it's neck alone the size of the entire arena—and worst of all, it had its eyes set on them.
It was a dragon...
They were doomed.
"Devil kind! Hear my words!" The great beast did not move its jaws when it spoke, but it's voice could be heard regardless. "Today is a great day! I am the True Dragon of the Void, and I have come to observe this game of yours. If my allies and myself are thoroughly satisfied by the end of it, you will all live. If not..."
From the very top of the dragons head a torrent of golden energy burst outward, until it finally dissipated and a humanoid three headed fox with nine great tails sat in its place. "Hoy! Naruto Uzumaki here people! The second, but-infinitely-better-and-less-old-and-ugly-than-the-first, Sage of the Six Paths! And I'm here to deliver a message to you, and soon, to the entire supernatural world! But only if we have some fun! If not, you all die!" He grinned and at once all three mouths sneered. "Let's enjoy the show, everybody!"
Five beams of golden light rained down from the torn heavens and broke through the barrier that separated Riser and his peerage from the rest of the world. When the light dissipated, the Occult club and Issei were all that remained, a cool sneer on each of their faces.
"Sirzech..." Grafiya couldn't believe her eyes as she clenched the yellow flag in her hands in preparation. "What is going on—?"
SNAP!
The flash of the camera caught the queen of Lucifer off-guard and left her momentarily stunned. "Got it! Milicas is so going to love this! I'm gonna frame this one!" Sirzech's admired the picture of his normally stoic wife's response to the dragon and the fox. "Your fan-club would pay so much for this you know." He trailed off while waving the camera, entirely unaware of his wife's growing ire.
"Damn it, Sirzech! You do have something to do with this don't you?!" Zeoticus groaned.
Sirzech turned an eye to his father and smiled. "I won't tell if you don't." He winked. "Although trust me dad, this is for the greater good."
"He really is your son..." Venelena Gremory sighed while pinching the bridge of her nose.
Zeoticus couldn't find it in him to dispute his wife's claim. He could only hope his son was in the right mind, or else misery would truly fall upon them all. The Great Red. I never thought I'd lay eyes on the symbol of the end itself in my lifetime... He mused as the head and arms of the great beast poked out from the dimensional crack.
A beast that even He could not conquer, only ally with.
"What the fuck is going on here, Rias?" Riser demanded, his fearful gaze on the monstrosities above. "This better not be some cheap trick." He scowled and pointed an accusing finger her way.
The ruin princess uncrossed her arms and spoke, an unusual calm about her. She'd been nervous days before, but now, now wasn't the time to be nervous. They would feed off of it. No, right now she only needed to place her faith in her peerage and they would overcome! "Truth be told, Riser. I myself have no idea what's going on. I do however know this. Today you will lose this game, Riser Phenex! I swear it by the blood that runs through my veins!" As the very words left her lips, her own peerage prepared themselves for battle.
Koneko slipped her delicate hands into a pair of sturdy gloves. Kiba took a death breath, and a sword instantly flashed to life in his hand. Akeno had tiny sparks of lightning that danced about her robed form.
And Issei...
He was currently trying his hardest to stop his hand from quivering.
This guy...He's the one...
"Why do I have to fight?! Why can't Vali fight? He's much better than me!"
"Because Vali won't fight someone he deems weak. Besides, don't forget who you've been training with all this time. Have some faith!"
"Bu-But, I don't even have a real reason to—"
"—The man she'll marry isn't the man she loves, and he's a bad man. Isn't that reason enough? Don't overthink it. In fact, here's a tip. If you want women to love you, you gotta be the hero!"
"One more quivering rat won't do you any favors, little bitch." Riser grinned as his own much bigger peerage followed suit. "I hope you're ready, Rias. Because after this...I'm going to really make you mine!" He laughed like a mad man as hot white flames gradually licked away at him and the temperature around them gradually rose.
"I believe in you. All of you." Rias whispered, sure that every one of them heard. She already caught the nervous shaking of Issei.
This guy, he wants to take her from her friends, and take away her choice. He was shaking... There's no way. His entire body was shaking...but he wasn't afraid?
boost!boost!
boost!boost!Boost!BOOst!
He was excited?
BoOOSt!boost!BOOST!BOOST!BOOST!
"There's just no way..." Issei spoke up, his eyes a much darker green and practically glowing.
No... He was angry!
"THERE'S NO WAY SOMEONE LIKE YOU IS GONNA TAKE SOMEONE LIKE RIAS AWAY FROM THE PEOPLE SHE LOVES!" The jewel in his gauntlet responded to his will, and a voice in the back of his head whispered... Let's go partner. With a mighty cry, a beam of green energy erupted from where he once stood and encompassed both factions.
What?!
"I told you. All it takes is the smell of a real battle and the dragon within him couldn't help itself."
"I'd like to think it was more than just the dragon." Naruto commented with a proud smile, his ears picking up on that final cry.
Issei was a lot of things, good and bad. A terrible pervert and a lazy bum, yes. Impatient and dull, yes. Hardheaded and stubborn, yes. But he also cared. He cared more than a lot of people thought he did. He was beaten and killed on a daily basis, but he came back every day regardless to him, his abuser. Not because he craved power or a harem, at least, not fully...
No, he came to him everyday because as time went on, Issei noticed the change in himself. The change he wanted to so desperately see. In the end, the boy who seemingly only cared about boobs, wanted nothing more than the ability to change himself.
"He's a good kid. He just needed the right motivation."
The thought of himself being forced to marry. The thought of his ability to choose or run away taken from him. The thought of leaving his friends, his family, his life behind. The fear, the pain. All of the things Rias probably felt, Issei took these emotions onto himself. And like that, he felt it, and he cared and he made it his problem too.
"You really are an odd one, I knew it the second I laid eyes on you." Ophis said from within the avatar, her spot next to his as always.
Naruto only grinned in response. "The number one most unpredictable-knucklehead ninja, that was the first title I'd ever gotten!"
When the light died down and those in the office could finally see. A suit of crimson lied in wait, metallic wings spread wide. The Balance Breaker.
"I am the hero!"
With that, Riser felt the air leave his lungs as a gantlet was smashed into his stomach, the force of the blow tossing him out of the window, broken glass flying and debris tossed about everywhere as he was sent rag-dolling away only to body-slam into the side of the main building, an indent forming around him and spit flying out of his gaping mouth.
Back in the office, none could do anything but watch as the transformed Issei stalked after the immobilized and no doubt paralyzed blond man. And all of a sudden, Rias felt her odds significantly rise.
What occurred next was thoroughly a massacre.
"Look on devil world!" Naruto's voice boomed from the now violet heavens. "Watch your brightest flame get snuffed by the most pathetic of humans, and know that I! Naruto Uzumaki, and the whole of my shop, are the official protectors of humanity! But not during business hours!" He added at the very end. "So with that being said...
Do not. Fuck with us!"