London, England

December 25 1991

Knocking on the bedroom door, John Ross made the announcement she'd been dreading.

"Mama, daddy's here."

"We'll be down in a few minutes."

"Ok."

Looking at Don, she noted his expression. He was angry, and he had every right to be.

"I have a good mind to confront him…"

Not wanting to ruin the day for John Ross, she looked at him pleadingly, asking him again to be the bigger man.

"But I won't."

"Thank you."

Smiling, she was sure her expression didn't hide her true feelings and the anxiety she felt was apparent.

JR had kissed her, and she'd kissed him back. She'd felt wonderful, then awful. Infidelity wasn't new in her life, but it didn't feel good like it had in the past. She'd had to tell Don, she couldn't not, she couldn't ruin the most honest and trusting relationship she'd ever had by keeping secrets, but the truth hadn't exactly set her free.

Don said he didn't blame her but she wasn't so sure that was completely accurate. He was certainly more understanding than she thought she might be, but what he didn't say was more telling than what he did. The holidays were tiring, but she didn't think that was why he'd been unwilling to go along with her attempts to smooth things over; he wasn't in the mood to hold her close when she'd just allowed JR to do the same thing, she was sure of it.

"The man has some nerve."

"He's leaving soon."

"But is he?"

Sounding sceptical, Don's response wasn't a surprise. Until they saw JR off and heard he'd arrived back in Dallas she wouldn't believe it either.

"It's a good thing I'm not insecure."

Attempting a joke, his comment made her laugh nervously. JR was going nowhere fast, she'd put money on that.

Surrounded by shreds of colourful paper, shiny bows and boxes of beautiful things, many of which bordered on too much considering the man they'd come from, she set her empty coffee cup down on a decorative box under the tree and watched as John Ross opened the envelope JR handed him.

"This one isn't so much a gift as it is news."

"JR Ewing. Consultant."

Reading the business card aloud, John Ross' face didn't indicate he understood what was going on, but she had an idea of what it was and it made her very nervous.

"What is this?"

"My new job."

Grinning, JR looked quite delighted with himself.

"New job? Here, in London?"

"That's right son."

"You're staying?"

Asking for confirmation of what she already knew was true, she didn't even want to look in Don's direction; her stomach was in knots and she actually cared for JR, she couldn't imagine how Don felt.

"Is that a problem?"

It was, but she could hardly say so, not in front of John Ross. Their son deserved a father and JR needed something productive to do with his life, so it wasn't a bad idea, just an inconvenient one.

"No."

"What's your game JR?"

Speaking up, Don didn't need to say how he felt about the news, his tone was just aggressive enough to make it clear.

"Game?"

Playing it straight, JR didn't admit to anything, although they all knew he had something more on his mind than what he openly addressed.

"You come here to visit your son but increasingly Sue Ellen is in your sights."

"I can't spend time with my wife and son without having an ulterior motive?"

"Ex-wife, and no, I don't believe you can."

Correcting JR's constant reference to her former status, Don's feelings about the situation began to bubble up through his civil façade.

"Well, you're free to think that."

Dismissing him, JR's attitude obviously hit a nerve, because Don looked about ready to say everything he was thinking, which she didn't want him to do at all.

"JR, Don, please."

Interrupting, she asked them to stop, both for the sake of her dignity and John Ross' perception of both men.

"I'm sorry darlin'."

"Sorry."

Apologising, both men looked at her and then at each other, their expressions varying greatly depending on who was in their line of sight. They weren't finished with their argument, that much was obvious.

"Well, I'm happy."

Returning to the news JR had delivered, John Ross made his feelings clear. He wanted his daddy to stay and that's what he was going to get.

Returning to the reception room, finding JR and John Ross quietly studying the chessboard, their paper hats from Christmas dinner still lopsidedly resting on their heads, she felt a little bad interrupting their nice time, but it had to be done.

Approaching them, she whispered, not wanting to wake up Lucy who'd fallen asleep on the sofa after their large meal and one too many glasses of wine.

"JR, can we talk?"

Looking up at her, he smiled charmingly and innocently, as if he hadn't a clue why she'd come to find him.

"Alone?"

"Yes."

"Lead the way."

Following her out of the room, through to the study, he watched her closely as she shut the door behind them, sealing them off from the rest of the family.

"What are you doing?"

"I was playing chess, now I'm here with you, you can see that."

Straight-faced, he deliberately avoided the question.

"You know that's not what I meant."

"What did you mean?"

Walking away from him towards the desk, needing the space to say what she had to say, she wasn't at all surprised when he didn't take the hint and followed her across the room, keeping the same distance between them that they'd had a moment ago.

"JR, listen closely. What happened last night was a mistake and it won't happen again. I think your plans to move here for John Ross and for yourself is a lovely idea, but I ask that if you're moving here for me then please reconsider."

"Is that mistletoe?"

Looking at the ceiling above the desk, she didn't need to follow his gaze as he changed the subject, she knew he was correct, she'd hung it herself.

"I believe it is…" murmuring, he didn't waste a moment before using the circumstances to his advantage again, pulling her close to him, meeting her lips with his.

They'd shared a lot of kisses over the years, but it had been decades since kissing had been such an intimate way of communicating.

"JR."

Breathless and overwhelmed, she stopped their interaction before it went too far, although getting him to release her from his arms was a little more difficult.

"We're so good together."

His hand on her cheek, he sounded genuinely convinced that that was all that mattered.

"Physically."

"That's half of a relationship."

"Not anymore."

They had passion, and they'd had love, but neither had made them a stable, happy couple.

"That's a shame."

"I love Don, I'm happy with Don, and I won't be leaving him. Period."

Reiterating what she'd been telling him from the start, that he couldn't just show up and expect her to drop everything for him, he still managed to give her a look that made her wonder whether what she was saying was fair.

"You know how to hurt a man's feelings, don't you?"

"Don't even get me started on hurt feelings."

He'd upset her more times than she could count and only a fraction of those times had he expressed remorse afterwards. There was no scorecard to say which of them had been hurt the most times, there was no need, to have such a large number on either side proved the point that they weren't good for each other.

"I'm sorry for the pain I caused you."

Surprising her, he didn't argue and instead apologised.

Touched, she didn't hesitate to kiss him on the cheek, accepting his words. "Thank you… I mean that."

"Do you forgive me?"

Considering his question, she knew the answer.

"For the past? Yes. But it doesn't change the present; I am married to Don and I intend to stay that way."

Listening, he nodded, waiting a few seconds before asking another question.

"Can you live with me being here?"

He was there and she highly doubted he was about to change his mind just because she asked him to; he shouldn't either, a change was probably exactly what he needed, even if it wasn't comfortable for her.

"Yes, I think it will be good for John Ross, and for you."

"It could be good for you too."

Brushing his hand over her cheek, he tried again to convince her to reconsider.

"I am happy and I am married. I don't need more than I already have."

"Need and want are very different things."

"I want Don."

Dropping his hand from her cheek, he shrugged, indicating he was finally beginning to accept what she was saying.

"That's ok. I'm working on my own life, working on finding success again, and you know how I get about the pursuit of success."

Knowing exactly how he behaved when he wanted something, his comment didn't sound nearly as charming to her as it probably did in his head.

"If that's the case then watch out John Ross."

Appearing perplexed, she almost felt sorry for him. For all the insight he had into the mistakes he'd made in the past, he had very little foresight about how to avoid repeating them going forward.

"When success is all you care about, the people around you suffer."

"That's never been my intention."

Defending himself, he showed her where his blind spot was.

"Maybe not, but that's what history has proven happens."

Silent, he appeared to be thinking about what she was saying.

"It'll be different this time."

"I hope it is."

"It might take six months, a year, more, but it will be different. I promise."

Getting the feeling he was talking about more than just business success or rebuilding his relationship with John Ross, the knot in her stomach grew.

"JR."

"You don't need to say anything, just watch."

Grinning, he switched back to confident man she knew and had once loved, one she knew not to underestimate.

Turning over in bed, the words repeated themselves in her head.

"One day we'll share a life again darlin', you'll see."

He'd spoken with such conviction that she feared he might just know exactly what he was talking about. He couldn't see the future, but he'd said himself that he was ambitious and would stop at nothing to get what he wanted.

She'd forgiven him for his past indiscretions and they'd come to an unspoken agreement to start over, but what that meant she had no idea. She'd said it repeatedly, she was happy, she was married, and she wasn't his any longer, but whether he'd taken any of that seriously was still to be decided and only living her life one day, week, and year to the next would tell.

The end