Naruto stared boggle-eyed at his fellow bomber, mind completely blanking out on him. Rather than anything coherent, it was in a constant state of oh crap oh crap oh crap.
"Why'd you tell me that?! I can't attack my cousin!" he turned to Izuna and grabbed him by the lapels, shaking him back and forth. "But he's Akatsuki! Are you serious?"
"Who're you talking to?" Naruto jumped, realizing said Akatsuki member was looking over his shoulder. He whipped back around to find him on the hawk's back, much to its chagrin, looking supremely confused.
"I…"
"I suppose you do look similar to me," Deidara mused, one hand on his chin as he examined him. "Same shade of hair, eye color, a few notes in your facial structure. Show me your Bakuton, un."
Wordlessly, Naruto held up one hand and caused an explosion in his palm.
Deidara leaned back suddenly and crossed his arms, smirking smugly. "Of course someone related to me would have such explosive talent, even if they are from Konoha."
"But you're…" Naruto gestured with his hands. "Akatsuki. Hunting the Jinchuriki."
"So you know the Akatsuki, hm? They press ganged me into their ranks a while back."
"But because of that, you'll have to kill me."
"Eh? Hm…I'm sure we could avoid it," Deidara squinted. "It's not like my target is in Konoha, so I doubt we'd meet in battle. Not like you're on the Konoha Jinchuriki's personal defense squad, are you?"
"I am the Konoha Jinchuriki," Naruto said dully.
"…oh. Well. Shit."
"What do you think they're doing up there?" Sasuke asked, head craned back to stare up into the sky where they could see Deidara's bird and Naruto's hawk hovering alongside one another. They'd been doing so for going on ten minutes.
Sakura sighed and shifted next to him on his first hawk's back. It had taken perch on a tall tree, looking disgruntled because of Sasuke's own disgruntlement.
"I don't know. Plotting someone's demise?"
"I doubt Naruto could get an Akatsuki member to take his side."
"He could talk-no-jutsu him."
"Talk-no-what?"
"It's what I've started calling it when Naruto knocks sense into someone. He did it to you to get you to forget revenge-"
"I sat through hours of lecturing-"
"-and Tsunade-shishou and Gaara and Inari and Konohamaru-"
"The hell did he do to Konohamaru?"
"I don't know, but he stopped being so bratty. I think he did it to Team Asuma too. Ino's actually maturing."
"Right, because I'm sure you had nothing whatsoever to do with Ino maturing."
"What does that mean?"
"Just…hgh. Nothing."
"Come on, tell me."
"Hey brats," a voice called out, making them jump. They looked down to the ground and paled when they found Kisame staring up at them, wearing the same wide, amused grin. "I remember you."
"I thought he left!" Sakura whispered.
"We remember you, too, with a face like that," Sasuke called back, sounding nonchalant. "What do you want?"
"Hmm-hmm, Itachi's baby brother is kind of rude," the shark man laughed. "Too bad he's busy right now."
Sasuke twitched and scowled. "Tell Deidara when he's finished messing around his partner's getting very impatient. Samehada would love to feast on your chakra, but I'm sure Itachi would get mad if I killed his brother instead of him." With that the man turned and walked away, making both chuunin breathe a sigh of relief.
"Good thing that other one thought we were weak genin and none of them know what Konoha's Jinchuriki looks like," Sakura muttered. "Usually people underestimating me irritates me, but I think it just saved our lives."
"Could say that again," Sasuke said under his breath. They turned back to the duo in the sky, starting to squint once more. "Okay but really, what are they talking about?"
"Fate is unfair," Naruto muttered as he huddled under a depression cloud. "I finally find a family member and he's going to murder me someday." He shook his fist at thin air. "The hell do so few people understand such a basic value of life? No one gets it." He waved his hands exasperatedly. "It's always 'don't blow things up, Naruto', 'bombs aren't art, Naruto, that's silly', 'DON'T DESTROY THE FOREST, NARUTO'. There wasn't even anyone in it! Well I mean, besides them…"
Deidara blinked at his back as he went on in his charade. 'Finally find a family member'…so he had no family. Deidara almost felt like he was looking at the spitting image of himself in his youth; his parents had died young, and his village always ridiculed his idea of art. Hence why he'd disappeared and left a bomb in their midst.
Despite his current status, he wasn't, in fact, a raging psychopath like that artless heathen Hidan; blowing people up was fun, but he knew when notto do it. Going around bombing every village he came across would only get the Black Ops on his trail (and deprive him of some amazing dango stands). Hidan was just a loony who killed whoever he wanted.
Before Akatsuki, he'd mostly offered his services to various insurgent groups, most of which were protesting corrupt feudal lords or crappy village governments. He didn't particularly care about their ideologies; he just cared about his art. But still, he'd never intentionally sought out people looking to mass murder helpless women and little kids.
He didn't particularly care about Akatsuki, either. He'd been forced into working for them by that Uchiha bastard; he hadn't walked up to their front door and begged to be given a job. It wasn't like he couldn't live without them; there'd always be people who needed a terrorist bomber to do a job they weren't willing to do themselves. He could go either way with Akatsuki. Besides, it wasn't like any of them truly appreciated his art.
In reality, someone like Deidara was neither good nor evil; people are most often much more nuanced than such a black and white distinction. He had his own goals and looked out for himself.
"-no one appreciates my art," Naruto went on.
But he couldn't help but look out for someone who understood the beauty and artistic masterpiece of his art, someone who was his younger cousin. Any connections he'd had in Iwa had been broken, but it wasn't like he'd had family there, either. Family was a bit of a foreign concept to someone who'd done things on their own for so long, and came from a place that didn't hold it up as the pinnacle of life like Konohagakure did. Sure, family was important to Iwa citizens; just not to the same intensity as Konoha citizens, very often.
Even so, looking at the brat in front of him, he felt more of a connection than he did to Akatsuki. Hell, it was like looking in a mirror, almost, with the kid facing away so all Deidara could see was his blond ponytail- spikier than this, but inconsequential when the boy was ranting about art.
"Hey, kid."
"-'ttebayo," the kid said for what must have been the fifth time in five minutes. "What?" he looked up, startled, as if he'd just remembered Deidara was there.
"What's your name, un?"
"Uh…Uzumaki Naruto."
Fishcake?
"You're wondering why I'm named after a fishcake, aren't you? I like to go with the 'maelstrom' meaning."
"Hm. Uzumaki, eh? You miss out on the redhead genes?"
The depression cloud reappeared. "Yeah," he said morosely. "All I got was my dad's scruffy blond hair."
"Oy, don't dis the blond, un. You look like me," Deidara said, grinning like a shark as he jutted his thumb at himself.
Naruto looked at him with a squint-eyed, confused expression. "Have you forgotten the part where we're supposed to be mortal enemies?"
"Hm, that is a problem, un. Maybe you can defect," Deidara said, rubbing his chin. "Leader's an ass about members leaving the group but I'm sure with both our firepower we could outrun them."
Naruto sweatdropped. "While that sounds fun," he said, holding up his index finger, "I have some things I need to do in Konoha. I'm the Uzumaki clan head now, and I can't leave those two." He pointed down at his teammates. "They're my partners in crime. If Shimura Danzo ever makes Hokage, though, we're out of there faster than anything you or I could make something explode. Or just assassinating him. One or the other."
"Hm, too bad, un."
"Hey, this leader. You ever seen him in person?"
Deidara raised an eyebrow. "No. Just an image, un."
The beginnings of an idea started to form in Naruto's mind. "If you let him know you know, he might kill you," he said, making Deidara's other eyebrow rise to meet the first. "But he's an Uzumaki, and I'm trying to stop him. Stop all of Akatsuki. And there's a lot of powerful people backing that. What would you say…"
He took out a small black scroll from his belt, grinning.
"…about being my informant?"
"We don't even have anything to watch," Sakura complained. "They're just sitting there. We've been here for thirty minutes."
Sasuke sighed. They both startled when Naruto's hawk abruptly veered away from the clay bird. A shape leapt from it back to the bird, making Sasuke tense. "Why was he on Naruto's hawk with him?"
Sakura didn't answer; they were both watching Naruto guide the hawk down towards them while the clay bird flew away into the distance. He pulled the bird to a stop beside theirs, shooting them a grin as he vaulted on next to them. Izuna gave him a wave as he flew away into the distance, still toting the nervous glasses-wearing man.
"Guess who's got a spy in the Akatsuki~" he said in a singsong voice.
Sakura's eyes went wide. "No way. How'd you convince him?"
"How do you know he isn't tricking you?" Sasuke demanded.
"Well for one, I was monitoring his heartbeat while we spoke. He could've been just that good of a liar, but Kurama and I didn't sense any ill intent in him. If he was planning on betraying me, I would have for sure."
"Okay," Sasuke admitted grudgingly, "he wasn't lying. But how?" He guided his hawk into the air in the direction of Konoha.
Naruto scratched his cheek. "Well," he said, "he's just not that attached to Akatsuki. Evidently one of their members is only there for money, one because he's a religious nut who likes killing people, our new informant was forced in, Sasori cares more about his art than world domination, Itachi as we know isn't really a member, and I'm fairly certain Konan's only following Nagato's orders. Dunno about Kisame, but like over half of them don't even care about their goal. All I had to do was convince him it would benefit him more to help take Akatsuki down than not and play on what bitterness he had about being forced in."
"So that only leaves Nagato and Zetsu, as well as the Uchiha Madara-san groomed to take his place, as the only real wild cards."
"I'm pretty sure ero-sennin and I can convince Nagato to stop, if we can find him," Naruto said, drumming his fingers on his biceps. "From what he told me about him. I don't know who this Uchiha is, but he can extract Bijuu from their hosts within a minute."
"We need to keep him away from you, then. Did Deidara have any information on him?"
"No, he didn't even know about him. I'm guessing he's a leader from the shadows. But Deidara-nii had plenty on the others."
"Oh, it's Deidara-nii now?" Sasuke asked sarcastically.
Naruto stuck his tongue out at him. "He understands what real art is, dattebayo. And he's my cousin."
"Somehow, this doesn't surprise me at all," Sakura said with a sigh. "Through your father?"
"Yeah. Did you know I actually am part Inuzaka? Kiba will freak."
"Okay, I've got to hear this. How."
"Well, way back when, a married Inuzaka woman had an affair with a man named Namikaze. Which makes me something like one-sixteenth Inuzaka. Their daughter had an affair with a man from Iwa called Ishikawa Goro. And their child was my grandfather. He was given the name Namikaze because he couldn't be given Inuzaka or an Iwa name, which is where my dad got it. Ishikawa went back to Iwa and I guess had children with a woman there, leading to Deidara-nii. He's my second cousin."
Sasuke narrowed his eyes at the horizon. "That makes him immediate family in the eyes of the law."
Sakura decided to avoid asking any questions about clan laws to keep Sasuke from getting a Naruto-induced headache. "How will you keep in contact with him?"
Naruto rolled up his shirt and showed them a symbol painted onto the side of his abdomen, just to the side of where his Jinchuriki seal would lay. It looked to be nothing more than the outline of a bird within a circle. "It's designed to look like a tattoo, for secretive purposes. When he seals something into it, it appears in mine, and vice versa. You've got to have some of the user's blood and chakra to activate it, making it difficult for anyone other than him to use it. But if you don't have the right thumbprint, all you get is an empty bento."
"Nice," Sakura said appreciatively, poking the bird's head. "That'll come in handy on reconnaissance missions."
"I'm still figuring out how to key more than two people into it, but yeah."
"What else did he tell you?" Sasuke asked.
"Told me where a few of their bases are, but he doesn't know all of them. Good news is, they don't have any of the Bijuu yet. That gives me time to find them all and warn them."
Sasuke sighed. "That's a relief."
"Let's switch to my pentagram. I'm rested by now."
Naruto summoned a symbol in the air, leaping onto the center. Sasuke dismissed his hawk and jumped down beside him with Sakura.
"Back to Konoha, then."
"This is not possible," Tsunade said flatly, staring blankly at them.
"We completed the mission," Sasuke said in lieu of addressing her blatant disbelief of their time. "Naruto has some information to share with you after the next exercise."
Her eyebrows rose. "You're sure there's a next one?"
"We've only been tested on combat so far," Sakura said. "You don't know how we do with battle tactics, or how we'll hold up under torture. Those riddles were only to ensure we have basic chuunin-level grasp of logic and creative thinking before we proceeded to make sure we didn't get through the chuunin exams based on the overall team's merit instead of our own."
The Hokage couldn't help but smirk. "Well, you're right. I'm sure some of you will be unhappy that I have a written exam," she said, giving Naruto a meaningful stare and only getting an eye roll in reply, "for logic and tactical thinking. I warn you it will be more difficult than the chuunin written exam, even if that was crafted to be impossible for genin to understand."
Naruto hadn't even tried to fill out the chuunin exam. Not because he wasn't able- he was much more intelligent than he'd let on, what with the multiple languages and repertoire of words he used on a daily basis and the fact he'd read the whole village library. Sakura, of course, hadn't left a blank space on her page; Sasuke had filled out a third of the questions, but he was confident enough he'd improved- with some tutoring from the resident book-genius of their team- in the months since the exam. "We're ready, shishou!" Sakura said cheerfully.
"I have to warn you about the mental training as well," Tsunade said, turning serious. "No one is going to torture you on the same level as we would an enemy shinobi with vital information. But we have to ensure you can hold up under torture. You're going to have to be desensitized to it if you want to move up in the ranks. It will not be painless, and this is your chance to back out. If you break during interrogation, you're not the only one on the line- the village, your comrades, and our secrets are as well. The initial evaluation will be to assess your mental strength; if need be, I can set up a training program for you afterwards. But the evaluation itself can take any amount of time. Are you all willing to proceed?"
"Yes, Tsunade-shishou."
"Yes ma'am."
"Sure."
Tsunade didn't even twitch at Naruto's casual answer.
"You'll be given a piece of information that your examiner won't know about. They will try and make you divulge what the information is. Your evaluation will depend on when and how you divulge it."
The three nodded.
"Are you prepared?"
"Yes, Hokage-sama."
"Well hello there, pinky."
"Anko-sensei."
"Fancy seeing you here."
"I assume you're the one who's going to be torturing me, Anko-sensei?"
"Aw, c'mon, it won't be hardcore torture. More like love taps."
"Can I ask about the specifics of what we'll be doing?"
"I'm introducing you to the levels. In the TI Division, we've got level one, basic intimidation. This usually breaks most genin-level shinobi without needing to hurt them badly. Might hit or cut them a little, but nothing too serious. Level two is roughing the subject up a little bit. Anyone who's ever taken a bad beating and not cried over it probably won't break on level two. Level three is where torture begins. We subject the victim to prolonged periods of pain with various methods, gradually amping it up until we find their pain threshold. That's what your mind can take before passing out. We can use that in level three against them. Level four, however, is for rather stubborn subjects. We don't let them lose consciousness until we've acquired our information or if it's vital to their survival. It can take days or even weeks. I won't be using level four on you. I'll only be using physical methods, rather than trying to trick you into thinking you can escape or something like that that we use. For you, though, I'll be skipping right to level three, since I know you're tougher than you look."
"I see."
"Let's get started, shall we?"
"Neh, Ibiki-sensei, did you have to seal my chakra? You know I won't try and break out~"
"Quit irritating me while I'm preparing, brat."
"Frank says hello, by the way."
"Well, I'm just so glad I've gotten word from Frank."
"You'd be proud. He's killed five more of my plants. I had to move him to his own plot. Are you still bald?"
"What do you think?"
"You could be hiding anything under that. So…do you have a better understanding of human anatomy now?"
"Excuse me?"
"You said it'd take four minutes to bleed out if I got stabbed- well, I would point, but I'm tied to a chair. But it obviously doesn't."
"…well, most human beings don't have a healing factor like yours. You've got a sharp memory to go with that chatty mouth, don't you?"
"I remember most things."
"How old were you when you wandered into that bar like a tumbleweed?"
"Six."
"Hm. All right, time to get started."
"Is Anko with Sakura?"
"How'd you know that?"
"I figured she'd want her since she's fond of her and probably wants to make sure an 'idiot' doesn't go too far. Is Ibiki handling Naruto? I fear for his sanity."
"I don't think his sanity is what's in question there."
"That is…sadly true."
"Be honest, Uchiha-san. Do you actually think your teammate is insane?"
"No. He's just rather eccentric, like Anko-sensei. I've actually been trying to avoid having them interact much. I feel like they would just feed into each other and explode."
"That's wise."
"Are you ready, Dokuraku-san?"
"Yes, I believe I am."
Sakura held her breath and counted to ten in her head. She knew she could hold her breath for several minutes if need be. She was startled when something jabbed her in the gut, making her cough out a breath and breathe in water.
A hand yanked her out of the water, dropping her back in her chair while she spluttered. Her head snapped to the side when Anko struck her across the face, not sparing any kindness by neglecting to take her ring off. "Ready to tell me yet, pinky?"
Sakura took several deep breaths, schooling her expression until she was calm again. Like she had for the last hour, she refused to speak a word.
Anko reached over to the table behind her and took a sealing tag. She pasted it on Sakura's forehead, making her go rigid as pain shot up and down her spine. Unable to move, she took short, gasping breaths, made difficult by her stomach muscles spasming.
A blade sliced its way in a zigzagging path across her outer arm, avoiding any of the major veins or arteries. Sakura painstakingly opened an eye and watched Anko draw a crude rendition of a snake on her arm, setting the knife down so she could pick up one of the electrifying tags Naruto had given the division.
Yeah, thanks a lot, Naruto.
For some reason I feel like sneezing, Naruto thought, idly staring at the wall while Ibiki took off his fingernails with a wrench-like tool.
It certainly did hurt quite a bit, but he had practice ignoring pain and focusing on other things. However, he was having a hard time focusing on that since Kurama was singing the Arney song over and over in his head.
Sweet revenge.
He glanced down at his fingers in morbid interest. "Gonna do my toenails next?" he asked, making Ibiki raise an eyebrow.
Sasuke took several deep breaths, keeping his eyes closed but not clenched shut and making sure he didn't grit or grind his teeth. Focus, he thought. Focus.
The salt his examiner had poured onto the wounds on his arms and legs stung like hell. Sasuke didn't particularly want to think about what he had concocted next, hence why he was keeping his eyes shut.
He had to say, this was the most pain he'd been in for quite a while. Maybe ever. But he could deal with this.
His mantra, every single day of his life, was that he could deal with it, no matter what it was. When his family died- he could deal with it. Coming home to an empty house every day- he could deal with it. An insane snake man with leery intentions after his body- he could deal with it. Missing his brother and being angry at him at the same time every day- he could deal with it. Pain? He could deal with it.
He had to deal with it. Sasuke refused to be deadweight baggage weighing Naruto and Sakura down. They had goals, and the only reason they'd achieved them was he had never, for one second, let himself believe he couldn't deal with it.
He wanted to find his brother and bring him home. He wanted to rebuild his clan. He wanted to reinstate the police force. He wanted to be able to support his surrogate brother and sister in whatever they did.
So he dealt with it.
"Tsunade-sama, are you sure this is okay?"
Tsunade sat with her arms crossed, watching the three one-way mirrors in front of her. They were seated in the TI unit, in a large room with a desk that a few of the TI chuunin were either sitting at or leaning on as well. She didn't answer, just stared at the three rooms with narrowed eyes.
"They're only children," Shizune continued, sending Sakura's chamber a worried glance. "It's going on four hours! It has to stop sometime!"
"They haven't broken yet," Tsunade mused thoughtfully.
"But still!"
"Shizune, they know full well why this is necessary. They're trying to become tokubetsu jounin. That means they could be deployed on A-ranks with full jounin, or in much rarer cases, an S-rank. If they were captured and tortured by an enemy and couldn't handle it, they would be killed as soon as they divulged secrets. The longer they could hold out, the longer their team has to rescue them. This is just as much for their safety as it is for the village's."
Shizune flinched, biting her lip. "Oh, I know…but…"
"The Uzumaki boy seems to be doing the best," the chuunin next to Tsunade commented. "The Uchiha and Haruno girl have shown signs they're obviously struggling at some points, and Anko and Mawashi have found their pain thresholds, but his reactions aren't as apparent and he doesn't show signs of being unable to handle anything so far even when he's in extreme pain. He hasn't even screamed once."
"Do you think it's time to bring Inoichi in?" a second asked.
Tsunade drummed her fingers on the tabletop. "All right," she said at last. "Tell him to come in and evaluate them. Just a basic evaluation of their mental stability. I don't want him delving too deep on Naruto. The Kyuubi's friendly to the kid himself, but might not like someone jumping in his head."
"Yes, Tsunade-sama."
Sakura blinked when Anko suddenly set her blade down, wearing a disturbing smile as Sakura watched her through bleary vision. "Congrats, pinky," she said, a giggle to her voice. "You survived four and a half hours with me on the first try. You're the first female tokubetsu jounin or interrogation unit hopeful to do that."
"Dammit, I wanted five," was Sakura's immediate slurred response.
Anko cackled. "Kai!" she yelled.
The room bled away. When everything came back into focus, Sakura glanced down at herself in confusion, seeing none of the injuries Anko had inflicted on her. There was no blood on the floor or chair or pieces of skin Anko had peeled off and tossed away- she wasn't even bound anymore. "Genjutsu," she realized. "I couldn't tell because my chakra was sealed."
She went to stand up, legs shaking. Anko grabbed her by the elbow and helped her up, patting her on the head after she released the seal on her neck binding her chakra. "You did good, pinky," she said genuinely, supporting the girl and helping her out the door.
Sakura walked along on shaky legs, still recovering from the strain. She felt achy all over, even though she had no physical injuries- phantom pain, she supposed.
Anko lead her out the door, down the hall, and to a room, seating her at a table. "Just one more test and then you're done," she said with a thumbs-up, turning and swishing out of the room. Sakura placed a hand on her head and let some medical chakra seep into her skull to alleviate the slight headache she felt coming on.
Elsewhere, Sasuke let his own examiner help him to a similar room while Naruto walked along on his own. He paused outside his door, sending Ibiki a blinding grin and a thumbs-up.
"Better luck next time, old man!"
Ibiki twitched. Naruto slipped inside his room with a chuckle, leaving the man to shake his head and walk away.
"Report."
"Haruno Sakura is the most stable. She's secure in her identity, confident, and emotionally mature as well as strong. From my talk with her, she was being honest without oversharing or divulging too much; her main fear is dragging her two teammates down and being deadweight, but it's also become her biggest drive to succeed and pushed her to become strong enough to support them and her comrades. She recovered from the simulation very well, and was lucid and able to think over complicated topics afterward, even though I could see she was exhausted. She's very loyal to the village."
"What of Sasuke?"
"He's surprisingly well-adjusted. I could tell he has some insecurities, and when I spoke with him he kept things very…blunt and professional. He didn't attempt to hide anything- more, he just made it clear he wouldn't let any issues affect his work and made sure I had no misconceptions about him or his mental state. If he knew he needed mental help, I'm certain he would seek it out to avoid problems on missions. His judgment appears sound and unaffected for the most part about ideas of vengeance or whatnot concerning his brother. When asked directly about this, he just said he wished to bring Itachi to justice, but wouldn't risk a comrade for the sake of a vendetta. He seems to have overcome his past by throwing himself into training and work. If anything, he's more at risk for a breakdown from overworking himself than betraying the village, and seems to hate Orochimaru with a burning passion."
"And Naruto?"
"Naruto is stable and fit for shinobi service, but out of the three, it's him who's the most emotionally stunted and mentally at risk. As you said, I only took a shallow look into his mind, but his mental landscape itself is a sewer. There's no doubt he's been damaged by the village's treatment of him. He dodged my questions about specifics, but I have a feeling his childhood was more traumatic than he lets on. Ibiki expressed a concern that he'd been the victim of a murder attempt when he was six or younger because of a comment the boy made. He seems to have grown into an adjusted person, though. If anything were to make him unstable, I doubt it would be seeing bloodshed or undergoing physical pain or even a comrade dying- he has quite a resilience to those, potentially on par with many jounin- but a betrayal by someone close to him directly concerning his Jinchuriki status. If his friends turned their backs on him as a monster, I have no doubt he would have some sort of breakdown. But I don't see this happening. Both Sasuke and Sakura reacted quite vehemently when I asked if they were ever at all uncomfortable with having Naruto on their team to gage their feelings on the matter. They appear fully aware of his status. Even then, if they did betray him, he's more likely to turn his aggression onto himself than the people around him. I detected a concerning hint of self-loathing in his mind before it disappeared for some reason. I would say he has some issues with self-worth and trusting others, but he's also very determined and highly intelligent. They all received high scores on the written exam, and while Sakura was the only one to receive a one hundred and Sasuke a ninety-seven, Naruto received a ninety-nine."
Tsunade folded her hands, leaning back in her chair and staring at the surface of her desk. "I see," she said, thinking to herself. "Thank you, Inoichi. You're dismissed. And a reminder to keep all of these details to yourself."
The Yamanaka patriarch saluted. "Yes, Hokage-sama." He passed Shizune in the doorway, leaving her to glance over her shoulder at him before hurrying to Tsunade's desk.
"What do you think, Tsunade-sama?"
Tsunade wheeled around to stare out the windows at the setting sun. "I have a lot to think about. I'm have an idea of what I'm going to do in mind, but I'll take some time to think on it, and I'll let them know my decision by the end of the week."
Naruto yawned, rubbing the space between his shoulder blades as they walked down the street. "Damn, that was tiring, ya know?"
Sasuke looked like a walking zombie next to him wandering in search of caffeine. Sakura was in a similar way, though she held a steaming cup of coffee she'd gotten from a shop just before it closed down while Sasuke never had any in the evening.
Sakura sighed into her coffee. "I can't wait to get home and go to bed, but I've got a late shift at the hospital."
"Seriously? You can't take one night off?"
"Absolutely not. Sick and injured people don't disappear just because I'm tired."
"Hey guys!" someone called out. Squad Seven stopped and turned around, exhaustion reflected in their tired movements, and spotted Team Eight coming towards them. Kiba was in the front, waving enthusiastically, while Hinata walked alongside Shino as she poked her fingers together. "What's up?" Kiba yelled.
Sakura raised a hand to wave, giving up halfway. "Hey," Naruto called back. Kurenai's genin came to a stop in front of them.
"Wow," Kiba said, stunned. "You three look like crap."
"Thanks, Kiba."
"Y-you do look very tired," Hinata agreed.
"Have you returned from a mission?" Shino asked.
Naruto squinted at him, wondering at the box in the Aburame's hand. "Sort of," he replied. "We were doing something for baa-chan yesterday morning and took a mission to the Land of Rivers. Hightailed it overnight and got back this afternoon. Then we were…ah…"
Sakura plastered on a smile. "We were being evaluated," she said.
"Evaluated?" Hinata blinked a few times, confused.
"Our skills, strengths, weaknesses, et cetera," Sasuke said. "Hokage-sama wanted to know. Anyway, what were you doing?" He gestured to the bag in Hinata's hand and the parcel in Kiba's.
"Ah! Right!" Kiba jumped, startled. "We were looking for you! We were out of village on a mission on your birthday-" Naruto groaned at this- "but here you go!" he said with a grin, shoving the parcel into Naruto's hands. He only stumbled slightly.
When he realized they were waiting for him to unwrap it, Naruto tore the plain white paper away from the package and let it drop to the ground. He was left holding a series of pictures frames with thin, blank grey clay tablets showcased within. "Ah…? What are these for?"
"It's an Inuzaka tradition," Kiba said with a slightly bashful grin, rubbing his head. "I'm sure some of them will end up too small, but you activate them with chakra so they'll take an imprint of your hand and your ninken's paw. I've got two with Akamaru. You do it every so often so it shows your time with them as they get bigger and older. I figure Kurama's pretty young with how small he is, and even if you aren't an Inuzaka…" He paused when he saw Naruto staring at him, an odd expression on his face. "You okay, man?"
"Uh- I'm fine, it's just-"
"He's part Inuzaka we just found out today he's like one-sixteenth dog," Sakura said in one breath after taking a gulp of coffee large enough Hinata gave her a concerned look.
Kiba's eyes went as wide as dinner plates. "You're kidding," he said in a stunned tone. As one, Squad Seven mutely shook their heads. "You kidding me?! That's awesome! You're part of the family!" he hooted, leaping forward to drag the blond into a hug.
Naruto stared over Kiba's shoulder, visibly stunned, eyes wide. Part of the family…part of the family…part of the family…he said that so easily…
Kiba had released him and grabbed him by the shoulders, still beaming. "Do you know who your relatives are? Maybe we're related!"
"Uh…" Naruto shifted the pictures to one arm and fumbled in his pouch for the scroll he'd been making with Izuna's help. He'd simply written 'My Father' in Minato's place and the first name of every Namikaze with an "N." so no one caught on if they happened to read it. "Inuzaka Ume. She was married to an Inuzaka Ichiro, but she had an affair with another man, and her daughter from that relationship was my great grandmother. Even so, it would make any more children she had my relatives, even though it's fairly distant. Someone from my generation would be my third cousin-"
"Gimme gimme!" Kiba snatched the scroll out of his hands, looking it over eagerly. "Just as I thought," he said with a grin. "That Ume's other daughter was Akahana. She's my great grandmother. I'M your third cousin," he hollered, dropping the scroll so he could grab Naruto by the jacket and force him to start dancing in the street with him. The blond clung to the pictures so they didn't fall and break, while Sakura retrieved the scroll with a snort.
She was about to comment that the relation was a bit distant to consider close family when she paused, seeing the expression on Naruto's face. She'd seen it when he came down from meeting Deidara.
Naruto wasn't quite sure what to feel as Kiba whirled him around, but he felt something warm bubbling in his chest. Family. Kiba was unrestrainedly welcoming him two seconds after finding out about their relation, even if it was something as distant as having the same great great grandmother. Family. Sure, Kiba had made fun of him time to time, but it had been more of friendly ribbing than truly mocking him. He was one of the few Academy students Naruto had good memories of; they'd pulled pranks and run amuck together in their younger days before Naruto's kage bunshin had started growing distant from others. Family. He didn't mind being related to Kiba. The Inuzaka hadn't even stabbed him in the back once yet.
"That's awesome, man," Kiba said, finally releasing him. Naruto summoned his best smile; it still came out weak. "You've gotta come over for dinner tomorrow, no more stalling! I gotta introduce you to my mom and sis!"
"Th-thanks, Kiba," Naruto laughed. "Your mom's my…second cousin, once removed. That's kinda weird."
"Is it. I can't believe we were related all this time and didn't know. You never talk about your parents much," Kiba said, wearing a confused expression.
"Shouldn't you open Hinata's and Shino's gifts?" Sasuke interrupted smoothly.
"A-ah, yeah, I'm sorry," Naruto apologized, bowing at the waist. When he got flustered, he tended to revert to formal manners Iruka had taught him instead of being comfortable with people; mostly because he just thought that was what people did.
A hand on his shoulder pulled him back up. "It is understandable to become excited when meeting a relative one didn't know about," Shino said, pushing his own box into Naruto's hands. The blond hadn't realized he was being watched intently, micro facial expressions and all.
"Ah, yeah…" Naruto glanced down at the box and handed his pictures to Sakura to slide it open. He rifled through tan gift paper and pulled out a clear plastic box with small holes in the top. Within, a vibrant orange butterfly with blue and yellow markings flapped its wings lazily on a resting bar.
"This species, Konohagakure Orenji, makes a home in the first environment whose scent it is exposed to," Shino said. "Therefore, when you release it near your home, it will stay in that area for the remainder of its life and reproduce there by attracting the wandering males of the species. They will migrate for a short time in the winter, but they always return to their original hatching place; this one was isolated from all scents for the purpose of changing its environment. The species is unique in that they can quickly populate an area even by themselves and are very resilient to-"
"Heat and other insects and they have a stronger sense of smell so some bug users who prefer them over beetles use them to track," Naruto finished, eyes lit up.
Sakura couldn't help but chuckle. Little known to others, Naruto was an insect freak as well as a bomb freak. It had all started when he found the library's section on bug species; he'd set out to find them for himself, and like most animals sans Tora, they'd flocked to him like moths to a flame. The ones used for shinobi techniques more so; Sakura supposed they were attracted to his warm, dense chakra.
"She's so beautiful! Thank you so much!" Naruto was so overjoyed he leapt to wrap an arm around Shino's neck, a task since the Aburame was half a foot taller than him. Apparently Shino was finally starting to get used to his habits, as he quickly shifted both hands from his pockets to grab him and make sure he didn't make them both fall over; Naruto never "just hugged" someone. He didn't quite believe in casual hugging. He either tackled people or nearly bowled them over.
"You're welcome."
"H-here's my gift, Naruto-kun," Hinata said with a shy stammer, holding out her bag. Naruto turned to her with a much more pleasant disposition than he'd started with, taking it from her hand while handing his insect off to Sasuke.
Hinata's eyes darted off to the side when he pulled out a knitted orange cap, made with fur stitched into the underside and a fur pompom on the top. "I-it's not quite as exciting as Kiba-kun's and Shino-kun's, but…I made it for you…" she murmured.
Naruto felt like he'd been slapped in the gut yet again. "N-no," he stuttered. "Don't be silly. It's…it's really great, Hinata."
"Really?"
"No one besides Sasuke has…ever made me clothes before…or cared enough to make sure I had them, if it wasn't Iruka-sensei or jiji," Naruto muttered bashfully, staring at his feet. He slipped it over his head, using it to hide his gaze. "See?" he said, looking up suddenly with a wide grin. "Goes perfectly with my mo- my mom's scarf she made."
Sasuke had slowly made his way behind him so he could catch Team Eight's attention over his shoulder, giving Hinata a nod before nodding pointedly at the scarf. When he'd first started making clothes as a way to be close to Mikoto, who'd always sewn up his torn shirts and pants, he'd stabbed his fingertips countless times with needles; but the look on Naruto's face when he handed him an Uchiha-style shirt with clumsily sewn stitches had been priceless. While the Sandaime did his best to provide Naruto with clothing, the years after the Kyuubi attack had been hectic, and he hadn't been able to spend as much time with Naruto as he would have liked. More often than not, Naruto ran around in rags, a few good articles in his wardrobe. Iruka had tried to buy him clothes as well, but Naruto always wore the few best shirts and shorts he had to school so the chuunin wouldn't know.
It had been hard to forget the almost desperately grateful look in Naruto's eyes and what it implied when Sasuke started providing him with clothes on a regular basis. He was constantly giving his old clothes to the orphanage or to orphans on the street, or children whose parents were simply down on their luck and couldn't afford much for them.
"So thank you!" Naruto said, grinning wider to cover up how much he wanted to curl in on himself and laugh so he wouldn't cry. Team Eight couldn't help but glance collectively at Sakura, who was staring at the scarf around his neck with the saddest smile they'd ever seen on a person.
Hinata finally realized how significant her gift had been for him. Her eyes noticed everything, and not just because of her dojutsu. She saw the teardrops gathering in his eyes that he refused to let fall and the way he hid behind his smile so she would think he wasn't shaken. "You're welcome, Naruto-kun," she said, a small smile forming on her lips.
"We should get going," Sasuke said, picking up the stray pieces of tissue paper. "Sakura has a shift at the hospital."
"Oh, r-right," Naruto said, whirling around with both hands still holding the rim of his hat. "Uh, yeah, we should. Um, thanks, guys. Really." He shot Team Eight another smile, waving to them as he took his pictures from Sakura.
"Bye, man," Kiba called out, returning the wave. Hinata did as well, but she and Shino were both silent beside him, watching Squad Seven's backs as they walked away.
After a long moment, Hinata spoke up. "He looked so happy," she murmured, "but also so sad."
Sasuke's gift had been a new formal kimono set with the Uzumaki clan symbol displayed clearly that must have taken weeks to sew. Karin had somehow gotten him a small bottle of extremely rare poison made from a potent plant only found in the uppermost region of the Land of Lightning. Iruka had treated him to an all-you-can-eat session at Ichiraku's. In hindsight, this was very generous, but not the wisest thing, as he left despairing over his empty wallet. Sakura had decided to go the funny route and got him a coffee mug with "IDIOT" on the side. Kakashi had had to leave on a mission the day after his birthday, when he'd been hiding in a dumpster, so he hadn't been able to give Naruto his until that day.
When Sasuke and Naruto returned, they found Kakashi sitting on their porch. He was keyed in to Naruto's security seals and could enter the compound, but they hadn't yet made a house key for him and had forgotten to tell him where the spare was out of sheer laziness.
"Hello, you two," the man said, turning to face them with an eye-smile.
Sasuke stopped cold. "Is that-"
"Is that a kitten?" Naruto asked excitedly.
"A cat?"
"Not just any kitten," Kakashi said in a serious tone. "It's a ninja kitten."
Sasuke facepalmed as Naruto ran forward. Why take that obvious bait? he despaired.
"It really is a ninja kitten," Naruto cried from ahead. "She has developed chakra!"
What.
"She's about three months old," Kakashi said with a cheerful curve to his eye. "I got her from Sora-ku." The cat now in Naruto's arms being petted was a dark blue with black markings around her face and neck. The tips of her ears were stark white, making the yellow of her eyes pop. "Her mother was happy to find someone willing to come to the village when she heard she would be a ninneko for the Uchiha clan."
"What's her name?" Naruto said, wearing a stupidly happy grin.
"Ma, she said for you to decide since you'll be her leader."
"Tatabi," Naruto said instantly, holding the cat up so he could look it in the eye. "Do you like that?"
It blinked at him.
"She probably won't speak for a few months," Kakashi chuckled.
The cat nodded.
"Yay! Tatabi it is then."
"Tatabi?" Sasuke asked, stepping onto the porch to unlock the house.
"After the Two-Tails, Matatabi," Naruto explained. "She looks like her too. Thank you, doggy-sensei."
Kakashi eye-smiled and ruffled his hair as he followed them inside. "I'm glad you're happy. Happy birthday." Sasuke shuffled off to the kitchen to find something to eat.
For once, Naruto didn't mind. He considered it a feat he hadn't ended up crying over the course of the week; he hadn't cried for a long time, and would've felt too much like a child again if he did. But he'd appreciate how much trouble everyone had gone through for him for years; he'd always hated his birthday, because he was always alone. He still had the gut-reaction to avoid parties and the embarrassment at all costs, but maybe, he thought, it wasn't so bad this once.
Kakashi followed Sasuke into the kitchen. Naruto set Tatabi on the couch, starting to look around for something that could be used as a litterbox.
"Would you quit eating our leftovers?" Sasuke sighed from the kitchen.
"Aa, Sasuke-kun, won't you feed your poor old teacher?"
"Whatever…"
"This birthday week wasn't so bad," Naruto said to himself, walking past the doorway in his quest. "Even if we did get tortured for four and a half hours."
A bang from the kitchen signaled a pile of pots and pans falling from a cabinet as a certain silver-haired sensei jerked back with the one in his hand. A moment later, a strangled scream of "WHAT?" startled every single ghost in the vicinity.
35. The Council's Decision this wild abyss said: I haven't even finished chapter one, but I have to say this is golden. I think I'm going to dedicate a tumblr to this fic. Is that okay with you, cause this needs to be immortalized.
Feel free. Tell me what the URL is, if you do. xD
Gonna take a short break after this chapter. Don't get me wrong, I have many great reviewers who comment on the story itself and suggest things, but constantly being badgered just about updating (often just after I post a new one, even, haha) is kind of making me tired before even coming on FFN. (Don't feel bad if you've asked me to update. It's just a combination of…well, everyone, mostly just asking about updating. :P) I just need time to recharge.
"Let me get this straight."
"Straight as an arrow."
"You ran into not one, not two, but three Akatsuki members."
"One of them was the shark."
"Don't be offensive, Sasuke."
"-one of which was Deidara the Mad Bomber-"
"Quit interrupting, Naruto."
"I didn't say anything!"
"You were going to."
"-who is your cousin and now your spy in the Akatsuki-"
"We also got tortured!"
"We didn't actually get hurt physically."
"…for your tokubetsu jounin evaluations."
"That's about it."
"I also managed to summon a hawk the size of a carriage. Considerably better than the dog-sized ones I was summoning before."
Kakashi sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. "This is why I can't go out of village anymore," he muttered. After a moment, he paused. "If you three are promoted…"
Oh, no, Sasuke thought.
"That means you won't be sent on that many missions with your dear old teacher anymore," Kakashi said, alligator tears gathering in his visible eye. He sobbed exaggeratedly into his hands, quite comical since he was still holding a frying pan.
"It's all right, sensei," Naruto said in a comforting tone, patting the man on the shoulder, "just don't cry in front of the other jounin. You'll look pitiful."
Naruto eventually found a box he could use for a litterbox. He filled it with some decade-old litter he found in a supply house, which made him wonder if the Uchiha had owned cats before. Then again, he'd seen Izuna petting Tatabi and Madara doing it once when he thought no one was looking, so maybe the Uchiha did have a cat thing.
As he padded down the hall towards his room, yawning as he prepared to go to bed, he spotted Sasuke's door standing open and sighed. "Workaholic," he muttered in complaint, turning on his heel and backtracking down the hall.
He found Sasuke asleep at the round table, paperwork spread out before him. This wasn't a rare occurrence. "Can't even take one night off, can ya, idiot?" The sleeping Uchiha didn't answer.
He lifted Sasuke's head off the table and rolled his eyes when he found a large ink spot in the middle of his forehead. He grabbed a blank piece of paper and wiped it off, leaving the mess to deal with the next day as he slowly shifted Sasuke onto his back. He walked back down the hallway until he reached his room, edging Sasuke's quilts back with his foot so he could transfer the practically comatose Uchiha onto the bed before pulling them back up.
"You really need to slow down once in a while, ya know?"
Sighing to himself, Naruto blew out the candle in the lamp on Sasuke's desk and retreated to his own room. There was a black fox with white rings around its eyes curled up on his windowsill outside, and he could see a ghost pass by every once in a while, illuminating his room just barely whenever they did so. He could see Madara and Izuna a good distance away, standing with their backs to the houses as they watched a group of grey flames harmlessly envelop a tree.
Naruto curled up under his quilts and reached over to press the quarter-sized activation seal on the wall beside his headboard. The house locked down, every door locking if it wasn't already and every security seal activating with a pulse of chakra. A moment later, the seals for the compound- outside the general security seals that were always at work- activated separately, barring entrance to anyone who wasn't the Sandaime, Jiraiya, Kakashi, Iruka, Sakura, Karin or Tsunade.
Wordlessly, he bit his thumb and used a summoning against the wall. Kurama burst from a puff of smoke and dropped onto the bed, curling up half on his side with a yawn. Tatabi leapt onto the bed as well, wrapping herself into a tight ball on the end.
Even though he was in his pajamas, he still wore his mother's scarf around his neck and Hinata's hat over his head, with a new protection tag tied around the pompom.
Naruto started a batch of coffee for Sasuke before he left the house- at nearly four in the morning, much to his chagrin; he never drank the stuff because it made him too hyper. When he got hyper, property damage started happening. It was the reason he couldn't consume too much sugar. It probably wouldn't have been so bad if he wasn't an explosions specialist, but when one had the power to destroy buildings in the palms of their hands- literally- one had to be more careful.
He stepped into the Hokage's office without knocking, not bothering to announce his presence, sipping tea from a Styrofoam cup. Just his luck, the Sandaime and his two best buddies were there. The other Hokage, too, but Naruto was too busy trying to squint through them at Tsunade to really notice them.
"The hell are you all doing up so early? You know you're getting old as dirt, right jiji? You need good sleep."
He could feel Koharu's disapproval. "You should address him with respect, Uzumaki-san," she said wryly.
"Ah, right. You're getting old as dirt, jiji-sama."
Sarutobi chuckled as Koharu cast him a glare. "I didn't think you'd be here so early," Tsunade said with a frown.
"Uh, I'm in court later, remember? I'm guessing that's why you're all here at this hour. It starts at like seven in the morning…"
"Court?" Naruto finally noticed Tobirama. Hashirama looked irritated at something, an unfamiliar occurrence.
"Oh, yeah. It'll be fun."
"I think this discussion is over," Tsunade said, giving the two advisors a stern look.
"Very well, Tsunade." Homura eyed her across the desk. Beside him, Sarutobi hid a smile.
"This about me and Akatsuki?" All of them startled, even the ghosts, and started staring at him. "Yeah, that's what I thought. Let me guess, they wanted to hold back any promotion beyond chuunin and/or restrict out of village missions, yeah?"
"How did you- you weren't eavesdropping, were you?" Tsunade asked with squinted eyes.
"No. But that won't be a problem." Naruto held up his index finger, grinning with a mad gleam in his eyes. "You'll never guess what happened to me."
"What?" Tsunade and Hashirama asked simultaneously, with the same bad, ominous feeling in their guts.
"In the Land of Rivers, we ran into three Akatsuki," Naruto said in the same tone of voice he used to talk about different tea flavors. Horror flitted across their expressions. "They mostly ignored us because they thought we were weak genin, but one of them was Deidara the Mad Bomber."
Tsunade froze in dismay. "Deidara…the Mad Bomber?" she asked, starting to sweat. "Is…is the Land of Rivers… all right?"
"What? Oh, it's fine! You people worry too much."
"There is no worrying too much with you," Homura muttered. He'd seen what the boy had done to the Forest of Death. It reminded him of the time Madara- before deserting- had been practicing his jutsu too close to the village and nearly started a wide-scale forest fire; Tobirama had nearly had an aneurism while his brother went off to chastise his friend. Homura had been young then, almost too young to remember now, but the gigantic looming wall of flame had made quite the impression. ("I had it under control, Senju. It's fine; you can just grow some more freaking trees anyway." "That's not the point, Madara!")
"What happened? Did he attack you?" Hashirama asked worriedly.
"The exact opposite," Naruto said, eyes closed in satisfaction. "We rather hit it off." Tsunade's eyelid started to twitch. "He understands the true beauty of art, how fleeting it is. He understands that art is an explosion," he said, staring out the window into the dark sky with a zoned-out smile.
"Naruto. Get to your point."
"Oh, right. He's a spy for me now."
"What?" Tobirama and Koharu exclaimed in sync, incredulous.
"You've met him once!" Tsunade cried.
"And he's a spy for me!"
"But- but- how? How do you know he isn't playing you?"
"Calm down," Naruto sweatdropped, holding up the hand not holding his cup. "I had a half-hour long conversation with him. I was monitoring his heartbeat and never sensed any ill intent. No one could hide that from me."
"I see," Homura muttered. "So you possess the same ability Mito-sama did?" He wondered how their resident Jinchuriki could have convinced a complete stranger to become a spy for him. But then again, almost nothing ever added up or made sense when it came to Uzumaki.
"You betcha, old man." Homura's eyebrow twitched spasmodically.
Grimacing, Tsunade reached for her own cup of tea and took a sip. She would have preferred sake, but Shizune wouldn't allow it so early.
"He's also my cousin." To Homura and Koharu, the words came out as mere gibberish, but the spell he'd used let everyone else hear him loud and clear.
She spat her tea out all over her desk and the laps of the three advisors in front of her. The Sandaime was just amused and very unsurprised, as those closest to Naruto were wont to be, while the remaining two shot her dirty looks. "Who is this Deidara?" Hashirama asked, confused.
Naruto took out the scroll containing what he'd pieced together of his lineage on his father's side. He rolled it out across Tsunade's desk, making all five spectators lean forward to examine it.
"Izuna helped me by finding some guy whose wife was a midwife way back in the day. This Inuzaka Ume woman had an affair with a Namikaze Minoru, and their child, Inuzaka Aiko- who passed for an Inuzaka in her day- had a child with Ishikawa Goro, given the name Namikaze. Deidara-nii sent me his parents' and grandparents' names to fill in. Ishikawa had more children with a woman from Iwa. Ume also had a daughter, Akahana, with her then-current husband, Ichiro. Akahana's daughter was Tsuruko, whose daughter is the current clan head, Tsume." His words were an odd mix of 'gibberish' and normal speech when it concerned the Inuzaka. Ishikawa's name was merely random letters floating around on the page to the two advisors. "By the way, those two are only hearing random syllables and whatnot when I talk about Ishikawa and Deidara. I'd rather you not enlighten them to the fact we're related."
Tobirama leaned over to mutter to his brother, eyebrows creasing. "Does the name 'Ishikawa' sound extremely familiar to you…?" Hashirama set a hand on his chin, frowning in thought.
Tsunade's eyebrows met her hairline. "All right. You're related to Kiba?"
"Third cousins. Deidara, by the way," he said, looking over to Hashirama and confusing Kohaku and Homura even more in the process, "is an S-rank missing nin from Iwa who specializes in explosives!"
Dark lines fell over the Shodaime's face at Naruto's cheerful expression.
"That makes Deidara your second cousin," Hiruzen surmised, looking up at him over steepled hands. "Technically, you could enact some rather antiquated but still active clan extinction laws concerning immediate family to get him a foot in the door here if Sasuke-kun's new law didn't cut it."
"What on earth are you saying?" Kohaku asked incredulously, staring at her old teammate as he spoke- unknowingly- in the same gibberish. She usually relied on him as the resident "Naruto-translator"; aka, the one who understood what the hell Naruto was saying or doing, but now he was getting in on the madness too?
Naruto waved his hand dismissively and mentally snickered. "He's just my spy right now. I have plans," he said vaguely. The only reason he was letting Kohaku and Homura in on his current information was to get them off his back about staying 'safe' in the village; he was one of the center pieces of combating Akatsuki in the first place, and he wouldn't let the old crones derail his promotion. He was a clan head besides, not a child or a tool or even a genin; they needed to understand that.
Besides, they already knew who his parents were anyway, and it wasn't like knowing he was related to Tsume was particularly secretive. He wouldn't, however, let them know he was related to Deidara; even if they couldn't assassinate him now to avoid losing their only spy in the Akatsuki, he suspected as soon as the bomber's use ran out they would kill him just to keep Naruto from bringing him to Konoha. "Anyway," he said, taking out another scroll and spreading it open. "Here are the hideouts he knows about."
Tsunade stood up from her seat quick enough it started spinning around, planting both hands on the desktop. "One in the Land of Rivers, one in the Land of Grass, one in the Land of Fire," she said, eyes slightly wider. "Even Jiraiya's spies couldn't get this information."
"Helps to have an inside man. A raid on them now would be unfruitful and useless, since they're never all in one place and that would just tip them off, but you should probably get ero-sennin to have people watch them."
"What else has he given you?"
Naruto retrieved a manila file folder from his jacket. "He knows slightly more information about some of them than what's in their bingo book entries and fairly more information about some of them. His partner Sasori, for example. He's a redhead who looks like he's twenty, even though he should be somewhere between thirty-five and forty. Another one, Kakuzu, is only there for money, believe it or not."
"I know him," Hashirama said, surprised. "He tried to assassinate me once."
"Wasn't that the one from Takigakure?" Tobirama asked.
"I believe so. He retreated when he failed to kill me."
"The only reason he hasn't ripped his partner's heart out like the last three is Hidan is immortal," Naruto continued. "He's a Jashinist."
"I've heard of that 'religion'," Homura said, eyes narrowing. "It has very few followers, but they believe their god demands nothing less than utter destruction and death. It's nothing but depravity."
"He doesn't know much about the leader. Anyway, I have a mostly foolproof method of contacting him, but for safety reasons he can't stand to do it too often when it concerns sensitive information. I doubt Sasori would react well if he found nii-san writing down his secrets."
"Nii-san, is it?" Tsunade asked dully. Kohaku made a disgruntled noise when all she heard was "Tikan set zit?"
"Haven't you only met the man once?" Tobirama said, crinkling his eyebrows.
"I told you," Naruto repeated. "He understands what true art is." Hiruzen shook his head. "And family is family."
Tsunade sighed deeply and rubbed her forehead. She was starting to get a headache. Damned kid… "Well, relay any information you get to me or Jiraiya, and only me or Jiraiya," she said, giving the councilors a pointed glance. "That's an order from the Hokage."
Naruto grinned. "Yes ma'am. And jiji too, right?"
"I do believe we can include him."
This time, both Koharu and Homura twitched. Behind them, Tobirama smirked in amusement. He was still fond of his students, of course, but he wasn't above poking harmless fun at them.
"I'm flattered I still have your confidence," Hiruzen said, visibly amused. He took a short drag of his pipe. "I assume you want official records of this." He tapped the family tree with it.
"You read my mind, jiji."
"I'll get started on that," Tsunade sighed. "I'll have to seal them from anyone without the security clearance and redact the name of Namikaze for anything you carry around."
"That's fine with me."
Bam!
All seven of them jumped, tensing up for an attack. Naruto stared dully when he found a late Jiraiya plastered against the window, face twitching, slowly sliding down onto the roof.
He walked over and flipped it open. "I thought it was open," Jiraiya groaned from outside.
Tsunade just rubbed her temples.
"You look tired."
"I stayed up later than usual."
"Right, because nearly five hours of torture doesn't warrant an early night in."
"Excuse me?" Choza asked as he was passing them in the doorway, shocked.
"I'm guessing they were being evaluated for tokubetsu jounin," Shikaku drawled behind him. "You don't keep up on the gossip, do you, Choza?"
Damned jounin gossip ring, Naruto and Sasuke thought enviously.
Naruto slipped through the doors and headed for his seat. There were several definitions under the wide label "council" in Konoha- there was the Hokage's personal advisory council, dubbed the Konoha Council, made up of Kohaku and Homura and more recently the Sandaime after Danzo had been removed, and the council that gathered in case of emergency to meet with the Daimyo to choose a new Hokage, consisting of all the advisory council, the ANBU commander, and Shikaku, the jounin commander. The 'council' that included the clan heads was used for mostly matters involving the clans; the civilians also had representatives to petition for certain trade agreements, business laws, or other such matters.
The four noble clans- Akimichi, Uchiha, Aburame, and Hyuuga- were given seats nearest Tsunade. The Senju seat had gone empty for a long time. While Naruto was on the end of the line, Sasuke was directly in between Hiashi and Shibi, a seat Naruto didn't envy. Then again, he was stoic enough to fit right in, even if it did look odd to have a thirteen-year-old in between them. He sat beside Tsume, which made him vaguely nervous as he hadn't been formally introduced as of yet.
The Sarutobi clan, of course, was represented through the Sandaime. Unfortunately (in Naruto's opinion) Danzo was there as a Shimura. Shikaku, Inoichi, and the Kurama clan representative were there as well. Naruto was itching to ask where the Kurama clan had gotten their name from, but held himself back. For some reason, they had no clan head, only a representative, and that piqued not only his interest but his suspicion. He could always tell when something was off.
He made a note to ask why Kakashi never attended these meetings; maybe the man was just too lazy to bother since he was the only Hatake he knew of.
Koharu and Homura took seats behind Tsunade's chair. "All right, no use beating around the bush," she sighed. "We're here to make a final decision concerning the Hyuuga's Caged Bird Seal. This investigation has gone on for months, and it's time to bring it to a close once and for all."
Naruto tried to read Hiashi. The man's face betrayed nothing.
"Over the last few months, we've heard testimonies from- anonymous, for their own safety- Branch Family members about the misuse and abuse of this seal. We've received a wide variety of opinions from the Main Branch itself. Some might consider it an overreach of authority to interfere in clan business. But there's one testimony we haven't heard yet. While I have a written report from Jiraiya, a final spoken one from the Uzumaki expert in the room is warranted. Naruto, if you would."
Naruto hated being the center of attention. However, having the eyes of the room on him wasn't anything to compare to his most excruciating days at the Academy. He stood up and picked up the scroll he'd brought with him, letting it fall open before spreading his hand in front of it.
Lines floated off the paper into thin air, making a few people lean this way and that to get a better look. "This is a diagram of the Caged Bird Seal," Naruto explained as it spread into layers. "Most people think of it as a way to control someone when they're being unruly, causing them pain in the forehead. However, it does more than cause pain: it destroys brain cells. Brain cells can never be regenerated. The seal can be used to completely destroy the brain and cause death. However, the very premise undermines the authority of the kage; a member of any clan who's committed a crime should be brought before the Hokage, not their clan. The whole reason this village was founded was to unite the clans under a common purpose. We are to be loyal to it first, rather than our own clans. And more often than not, it isn't used on someone who's committed a heinous crime; Main Branch members use it to control their subordinates for even the slightest disrespect. The notion that a person deserves to have the most vital organ in their body so brutally injured for something as simple as forgetting to bow is barbaric and asinine. It presents an inherent danger to the village as well, allowing a Main Branch member to force a Side Branch member to cover up anything. Treason, murder, rape. It allows crime to go unpunished and unreported. Furthermore, allowing a clan to forcefully brand its members and turn them into virtual slaves is unbecoming of a village to allow to happen to its own citizens."
He zoomed in on the image. "This layer is the part that halts the chakra flow in the brain. This four-pointed fuin is often used to take an already present chakra and twist it to a different purpose. Essentially, it uses the wearer's own chakra against them. In most Uzumaki records, seals like this were used for torture. They can cause any amount of trauma, be it mild or severe enough to cause mental issues and illness. This has the possibility to severely impair any Branch members going on missions for the village."
He smiled thinly. It looked less like a smile and more like a glare. A few murmurs spread around the room, while Hiashi still looked impassive. "However, there's one point I have to make as an Uzumaki myself." He flipped to a different layer, pointing to a strange spiral formation. "This here is known as the Uzumaki Three-Flip Seal. It utilizes a basic spiral array with three points over it that change positions as the seal activates. In between, a sublayer of ink is drawn in the shape of a pair of crossed wings with basic lines as a conductor. It's also currently illegal for anyone to use if they're not from the Uzumaki clan."
A controlled and quickly suppressed smirk spread across Tsunade's face. Choza blinked before unashamedly letting himself start to chuckle; Inoichi elbowed him disapprovingly with a glare before he could get too loud. "While I was only called to give my evaluation of the seal, if every instance of use isn't removed within the next week, I'll be well within my legal rights to demand compensation for stealing and using an Uzumaki technique. Considering it's been in use for decades, that compensation would most likely be more than the Hyuuga can afford to dole out."
One of Hiashi's eyebrows had raised. Naruto almost thought he looked impressed.
"The fact that this is a 'clan matter' is irrelevant. There are various instances where governmental authority supersedes clan authority in the law. The seal itself is a human rights violation. If you'd like to argue that it's not, then I freely invite any person in the room to stand up and explain to me why giving someone the ability to destroy a four-year-old's brain for any reason they personally think appropriate isn't a violation of human rights." Naruto's expression didn't change. No one in the room said a word. "Well, sometimes silence speaks the loudest."
He sat back down and rolled his scroll back up with a snap. He found Danzo eyeing him across the room, and stared back with an empty expression.
"I'll read Jiraiya's report now," Tsunade said, flipping open a folder in front of her. The page was filled with the specifics of the inner workings of the seal itself, going right over most of the room's heads, even the ones familiar with fuinjutsu. Naruto understood every word. Sasuke understood some it of just because he'd lived with Naruto for so long.
The concluding paragraph paraphrased everything Naruto had previously said. When Tsunade finished, Sasuke spoke up, knowing better than to raise his hand like he was still in the Academy. "The main function is to seal the Byakugan upon death. However, if that were really important to the Hyuuga, I don't see why every one of their members would not receive it. It can hardly be called a concern if Main Branch members are allowed to die in other lands without a way to keep their dojutsu from falling into enemy hands. The Uchiha briefly considered a seal such as this, but found it contradictory to benefits that could be derived from a dead comrade's Sharingan."
"Yknow, that's true," said Tsume, rocking back onto the back legs of her seat as she crossed her arms and squinted at Hiashi. "If you're so worried about the Byakugan falling into enemy hands, why not seal every member's eyes? There's plenty of Main Branch members who've died in war, and while the village recovers most of the bodies, there's no way to say someone outside Konoha doesn't have the Byakugan. I'd even say it's likely."
"You could argue for a seal to be placed upon every member, with the secondary function still only included on Side Branch members' seals, but the human rights issue is still relevant even if every Hyuuga clan member receives a seal to protect the Byakugan. And I highly doubt you'll convince every Main Branch member to receive a seal," Sasuke added.
"We've already received many testimonies, under watch of Inoichi," Tsunade said, folding her hands together. "I've heard enough."
The last word rested with the Hokage. Naruto knew the vote was only to gain support and avoid uprisings with individual clans.
"I've come to a decision."
Naruto could feel several Hyuuga elders' eyes on his back. It was only a little unnerving; it would be more so if they had their Byakugan activated. They'd been waiting outside the council chamber, not allowed in themselves, and he could feel the negative auras they were giving off.
Hiashi, however, almost looked relieved as he left the hall- or maybe it was just a trick of his eye.
Naruto took a cup of tea a secretary held out to him and waited for Sasuke. The Uchiha was off talking to Shino's father; about what, Naruto didn't know. He let his eyes follow Danzo as the man left, aware of the presence coming up behind him but not doing much to address it.
"Hey, kid."
He turned, complaining in his head. Kiba wasn't there to act as a buffer. "Hey, Inuzaka-san."
"Just Tsume's fine."
"Tsume-san. What'd you need?"
She shrugged nonchalantly. "Just wanted to get to know the kid who's apparently my cousin. Wanna take a walk?"
Naruto glanced at the door she gestured to. "Why not?"
With a shrug, he followed her out into the hallway, making a note to ask Sasuke what he was planning later.
Tsunade sighed, watching Kakashi with dull eyes. The man stood in front of her clinging to his book like life support, and while his countenance was calm and composed, she could see him twitch every so often, frowning at something or other and eye occasionally crinkling in worry.
She was beginning to think he was developing separation anxiety. Maybe she ought to assign him a therapist.
"Is there a reason it couldn't have waited until I was in town?" Kakashi finally broke down and asked.
"Kakashi, there was no reason to wait-"
"But they're my cute little genin!" the man whined. Grinding her teeth, Tsunade repressed the urge to smack him.
"They're not genin anymore."
"It's only been seven months since they graduated!" Kakashi went on. "Can't you wait just a little more?"
"I was already planning on that. Is there a reason you're here?"
The man's jaw snapped shut. He straightened a bit, and Tsunade saw the irritation swimming around in his eye, buried beneath layers of fake nonchalance, laziness, and irritating behavior. "I wanted to see what was on the mission roster."
"Let me guess. You wanted a mission for Squad Seven?"
"You read my mind, Hokage-sama!" he said, cheerful.
She sighed. "Fine. I'll find you something. An A-rank just came in, anyway, so I might as well send you."
"Great. Where to?"
"Land of Snow. Bodyguarding. High-risk target; she's a celebrity."
"I'm sure we'll be able to handle it," Kakashi said, eye curving upward. "When do I need to round the gang up?"
"Get them together tomorrow afternoon. I'll send you a scroll with the details."
"Good." Kakashi nodded to himself, turning to leave. "Gives me enough time," he muttered.
She raised an eyebrow. "Enough time for what?"
He looked over his shoulder at her, and the utter cheerfulness in his expression made her cringe. "To have a talk with my old friends over at the good ole' TI Division! Just so they learn to inform me of things before they do them."
"Are you seriously still on about that?"
"They are my squad, Hokage-sama." Something icy entered the man's tone. "I'll be responsible for them even when they're jounin, or ANBU going on their own missions. I'm sure the other sensei feel the same way."
Tsunade was very sure they definitely didn't feel the same way (they felt the same way in the way he'd said it, of course, but not in the way he meant it; she doubted they were this intense- not by a longshot). He was really starting to remind her of Iruka. "True," she allowed, "I'll send for you when I have a report about their promotions."
"Thank you, Hokage-sama."
He left, looking to an outside observer like he always did, with his nose in his book as she went. Behind him, two dead Hokage pondered over where they'd heard a name before, and in three separate areas of the village, Squad Seven dealt with their own issues. Naruto got to know a relative he'd never met, unaware of the misfortune and danger that would soon follow in his shadow, while Sasuke set a project into motion, and Sakura sat in her apartment dealing with a request she never expected she'd receive.
And elsewhere, a fox who'd been absent most of the day pulled a particular mask from the chest containing the remains of the Mask Temple of the Uzumaki, almost certain he'd seen it before and wondering why it had been bothering him for hours to find it.
Every action has an equal and opposite reaction, and no decision is without its consequences, be them good or bad.