Five is a problem solver

by andtheny

Five and his siblings are living peaceably in an unchanged 2019 after preventing the apocalypse. Well, somewhat peaceably... Okay, there are problems. A lot of problems. But Five believes he can fix everything. He has a plan.

9. Five: Gone Again

It was a really awkward party. At first everyone was just sort of sitting in the living room, looking around at each other as if they were waiting for a lecture or something.

Luther had set his laptop up on the coffee table so the older Five could phone in (Or video in? He was using the video chat thingy again) but Five didn't like the angle, so he demanded the laptop be moved over to the bar.

Which meant the party got split in half, some of them remaining on the couches and some following Luther's laptop. Ben went with Luther because he wanted to hang out with the Older Five, for a change.

Allison got behind the bar and crouched down to examine the cabinets. "Wow, you guys really cleared the place out."

"We didn't get to drink it," Klaus whined. "Five chucked everything out!"

"Because you're a fucking alchoholic." The Five on the laptop was in Claire's room again. Ben thought it was hilarious to see him leaning back against a pile of unicorn stuffed animals.

"It's legal to be an alcoholic!" Klaus protested. "I don't drive, I don't bother anyone!"

"Isn't it fine for special occasions?" Allison said. "I actually bought some wine for the party…"

Ben noticed Luther looked distinctly uncomfortable. "I don't think Five would like that."

"Five is right here, you moron," Five said.

"Right," Luther said. "Sorry."

Klaus turned the laptop around so that it was facing Allison. "Tell him he should let me drink," Klaus said. "Tell him it's a birthday must!"

Ben rushed to the other side of the bar so he could see Five's expression when he answered.

"I'm not giving you my approval." Five was stoic, but the unicorns clashed with his stern demeanor. "But you're a grown man, Klaus. You don't need permission."

Now Allison looked uncomfortable. "It's just a little wine," she said. "It's not strong or anything."

Klaus whooped. "Let's get this party started."

---

Everyone brought birthday gifts and Ben wanted to crawl under a rock. Why hadn't he thought of that?

"This is our first time bringing gifts," Luther said. "You don't have to feel bad."

Luther had gotten him a wallet. It was cute, dark blue with a dolphin embroidered on it.

"Cause Allison said you like dolphins," Luther said. "Sorry, is it too girly? I can get you another one."

"I love it," Ben said.

There was already cash inside. A handful of ten dollar bills.

"When you pass the driver's ed test we can add more stuff," Luther said. "Your license, obviously, but also a debit card and all that."

There were gift cards too. A bunch of random restaurants. I-Hop, Chick Fil A, Griddy's Doughnuts.

"So that you can go out and eat," Luther said. "Whenever you want, with whoever you want. It'll probably take a while to teach you how to drive, so I thought this would be good in the meantime?"

Klaus hooted when he saw the gift cards, "What a delectable selection! Now you gotta take me out to eat, Ben."

"Sure," Ben said. "I'll take everyone out to eat."

Klaus gave him a black leather jacket. "So you can look banging wherever you go."

Diego bought him a phone case. "Cause, ya know. It's practical." The case was covered in cartoon cats. "Vanya said you like cats," Diego said. "So… cats."

With each gift, Ben would deliver an awkward thank you hug. "This is awesome," he kept repeating. "I love this, thank you."

Allison gave him a laptop. "So we can video chat whenever you want."

And Five presented him with a laptop bag, a simple black satchel. "Allison bought it," Five said. "But it was my idea."

The last gift was also the best gift. Vanya gave him four books.

"The Best American Science Fiction and Fantasy." Vanya presented them to him with a flourish. "First launched in 2015, I got you that year's edition and every version that's come out since."

"Oh my god," Ben said.

"Ben has been obsessed with the Best American anthologies since forever," Vanya explained to everyone else. "They have a bunch of different versions that come out every year. Best American Mystery, Best American Comics, Best American Essays, etcetera."

"I can't believe they did this!" Ben said. "It's the two best genres!"

"I know!" Vanya said. "And the 2019 edition is coming out this month!"

"It is?!"

"It is!" Vanya looked as giddy as Ben felt. "As soon as it hits bookstores I'm buying that one for you too."

"Oh my god," Ben said. "You're my favorite."

"Heeey," Klaus said. "Yesterday you said I was your favorite."

"You've been demoted," Ben said. "Vanya is my new favorite."

Vanya grinned. "Damn right I am."

Luther laughed. "I think she deserves the title, Klaus."

"Well alright," Klaus said. "But I'll win it back."

---

With the onslaught of give Ben the best gifts ever finally over, everyone finally moved on to gift giving for each other. It was less organized, so Ben only caught some of the highlights.

Diego gave Five a phone case that had a photo of a coffee mug on it.

"I don't like coffee," Five said, then he turned to the older Five, who was nearby on the laptop. "Do you like coffee?"

"Coffee is life," the older Five deadpanned.

"Shit," Diego said. Then, to the older Five, "Should I mail it to you instead?"

"Sure," both Fives said.

Luther gave Klaus a t-shirt that said "Sober AF."

"Um." Luther looked incredibly uncomfortable. "Sorry, I thought…"

"Shhh," Klaus said. "Have another glass of wine."

Allison gave Vanya a violin stand and two little boxes that Ben found very mysterious.

"I have no idea what the heck rosin is," Allison said. "But the internet told me you need it for your violin, so I bought it to go with the violin stand. And this polish stuff? I think I got the wrong one, sorry, but I can-"

"Whoa," Vanya said. "Take a breath."

Allison took a breath.

"This is really useful," Vanya said. "And the violin stand is pretty. Where did you find it?"

Ben got bored with their conversation at that point, so he kept walking around the room, eavesdropping on more gift exchanges.

"I just thought, you know, bow ties are cool," Klaus was saying to Five. "I mean, they're not my style, but Ben told me about your suspenders. So."

Five wasn't even trying to hide his displeasure. "Bow ties are not cool."

Ben giggled and Klaus rounded on him. "You said he was into them!"

"I didn't think you would buy them," Ben said. "I didn't know you were fishing for gift intel!"

"Liar!"

Ben really wasn't lying, but he couldn't stop laughing and it made him look suspicious.

"You evil little minx!" Klaus chased him around the room, but Ben was in better shape. Klaus didn't stand a chance.

Klaus almost reached him at one point, but by then Luther was ready to play mediator.

"That's enough roughhousing," Luther said sternly.

"Oh my god," Ben said. "You sound like Mom."

Klaus burst into laughter and he wasn't the only one.

"It's one of her phrases!" Allison said, giggling. "It really is!"

"It just slipped out," Luther said.

"You're such a dad now," Ben said. "And I don't mean like Dad, dad, I mean, like a sitcom dad. You're all, 'Have you given college some thought?' and 'You're owed an allowance.' It's like, you've become the wholesome-est dad dude."

Klaus was dramatically rolling on the floor now, positively cackling.

"Um," Luther said.

"He's not wrong," Diego said. "You do have wholesome dad vibes, bro."

Luther scratched his head. "Is that a good thing?"

"I'll take you over our real Dad any day," Five said.

Klaus clapped his hands. "It's official! We're promoting Luther to dad status!"

Ben laughed. "Hear hear!"

"Okay but seriously," Luther said. "Stop running around?"

Klaus leapt up. "Well, now I want to run some more."

Klaus did that movie thing, pointing at his own eyes and then at Ben with two fingers. "I'm gonna get cha."

Ben used Luther as a human shield, ducking under his arm and behind him. "Luther won't let you."

"Luther is weak to tickling," Klaus said.

Luther actually played along, gasping dramatically in a very Klaus-like way. "You wouldn't dare."

"I would," Klaus said.

"If you tickle him I will revoke your wine privileges," Allison called from the bar.

That stopped Klaus in his tracks. "Huh," he said. "Not worth."

Ben watched him collect his empty glass and wander back over to her for a refill, slightly disappointed.

Luther noticed. "He'll get back on the wagon. This is just a slip up."

"Does he slip up a lot?"

"Um." Luther avoided his eyes. "Not a lot."

"So he does."

"Okay, yeah he does."

Ben huffed.

"Sorry," Luther said. "I'm not very good at saying no to him."

"Neither is Allison," Ben said, giving her the stink eye. She pretended not to see it.

"But he's off the hard stuff," Luther said. "That's progress."

"Sure."

"You didn't see the worst of it," Luther said. "He was even homeless at one point."

"He was? For how long?"

"I don't know," Luther said. "He keeps most of the details to himself."

"Bet I can get it out of him," Ben said.

Luther shook his head. "It's alright to let people keep some things to themselves, Ben."

"Right," Ben said. "Sure."

"I mean it," Luther said. "I know you mean well, but sometimes you need to just…"

"Just what?"

"Let people keep secrets," Luther said. "Some secrets are harmless and they just… they're just for the comfort of the person keeping the secret."

Ben thought of his own secret with Five. If everyone found out they liked to share a bed it wouldn't be the end of the world, but it was a comforting secret.

"But some secrets aren't harmless," Ben said. "How am I supposed to tell the difference unless I know what the secret is?"

"I guess you can't."

Ben crossed his arms together. "Yeah, I guess not."

Luther tried to smile, but there was something bothering him. He just looked sad.

"Are you okay?" Ben said.

"Yeah."

"What are you think- um, you can tell me about it," Ben said. "If you want to."

"Maybe another time," Luther said.

"Alriiiight," Ben groaned. "I'll respect your privacy, I guess."

"Thank you."

---

What was the appeal of alcohol exactly? It tasted like crap and made people act stupid.

Luther wasn't drunk exactly (not like Klaus) but three glasses of wine was enough to spur him towards the idea that they should all dance.

"We're gonna party like it's our birthdaaaah," Klaus laughed. "Hah! Cause it is."

Luther was single handedly clearing out all the furniture in the living room. Or, well, he was pushing everything up against the wall anyway.

"Uh," Ben said. "Why don't we just go to the ballroom?"

Luther gasped and dropped a lamp. "I forgot about the ballroom."

Ben facepalmed, his own point proven: alcohol = stupid.

"That's okay," Vanya rushed to reassure him. "It's really dirty in that room since we basically abandoned it. Even Mom ignores it! And isn't there a bunch of junk in there now, Klaus? You started using it as, like, a storage room?"

"That I did!" Klaus laughed. Because a drunk Klaus laughed at everything. "I totally did!"

"Anyway what were you saying Luther?" Vanya said. "About the ballroom dancing?"

Ben cast his eyes around the room, wondering if it was too late to sneak away. Allison and Diego were whispering together by the bar. Would they get annoyed if he joined them?

"I just thought, it was a waste," Luther said. "Dad made us learn, but I never even… I never danced anywhere."

Where did Five go? He'd been leaning against the bar too, not that long ago.

"Where's Five?" Ben said.

Klaus draped an arm over Ben's shoulder, leaning enough of his weight to nearly knock them over. "Ssshhh, he's fine," Klaus said. "You worry too much, Benny boy!"

"Five took the laptop with him to the kitchen," Vanya said. "He said it was too loud in here. But I think he also wanted some privacy with, you know, Five Senior."

Five Senior, Old Five, OG Five… whatever titles they tried to use to tell the two apart, Ben was still half-convinced that the "elder" Five was exactly as old as he looked.

"You remember the dance steps, don't you Ben?" Luther was still fixated on ballroom dancing. "You want to dance with me?"

Oh boy. Luther had always been the tallest, but in 2019 he was a giant. Ben couldn't imagine being able to comfortably coordinate with such a large partner, especially when said large partner was on the wrong side of tipsy.

"Uh," Ben said.

He also didn't want to hurt Luther's feelings.

"I was hoping Ben would dance with me," Vanya said. "Is that okay Luther? And maybe you could ask Allison."

"Sure," Luther said. But he glanced over at Allison uncertainly. "I mean, she might not-"

"Oh! Oh!" Klaus let go of Ben to hop up and down in drunken excitement. "And I'll dance with Diego!"

Ben laughed. "Diego won't agree to that."

Klaus winked. "I know how to make it happen."

With that ominous promise, Klaus dragged Luther towards the bar to recruit their dance partners.

Ben sighed with relief and smiled at Vanya. "Thanks."

Vanya gave him a pat on the shoulder. "We don't really have to dance. Not if you don't want to."

"No, it'll be fun," Ben said.

"I barely even remember the ballroom lessons," Vanya admitted

Ben grinned. "They're fresh in my memory."

"Ha ha," Vanya said. "I wonder why."

"I can lead you," Ben added. "Dad says, I mean he used to say, that I'm terrible at leading cause I've got no backbone. But… well."

Tentatively, he got into position and held his hand out to her. Vanya took the proffered hand and took hold of his shoulder. Ben put his other hand against her upper back, but then they both just kind of stood like that.

I've never started a dance without a beat, Ben thought, glancing around as if one might materialize if he looked hard enough.

"Do you think they're gonna put on some music?" Vanya said. "Or are we all going to just… just dance?"

"I don't know," Ben said. "Should we ask?"

Vanya laughed and let go of his shoulder. "Yeah, we can go ask."

---

Ballroom dancing works best with classical music. Allison was able to pull it up on her phone and Klaus connected it to a speaker that looked like a panda's head, with the sound coming out of its eyes.

He was dancing with Vanya, Luther with Allison, and Klaus with Diego.

Ben kept glancing over at Diego, perplexed by his cooperation. Was Diego just a nicer guy now? Had the years mellowed him out?

Vanya noticed his incredulity. "Diego's matured a bit, don't you think?"

"I guess so," Ben said. "Everyone has."

It was a good thing, but Ben felt like he'd been left behind. He was starting to understand why Five would want to go back to his own time.

"But we're still us," Vanya said. "And you're still you."

"I know," Ben said.

He forced a smile. "Hey, can I dip you?"

She laughed. "No, you cannot."

"I won't drop you, I swear!"

For him, that particular incident had happened a few months ago. For Vanya it had been years, but the face she made told him it was something she hadn't forgotten.

"I really won't," Ben said. "Give me the chance to redeem myself and I'll-"

"Stop fucking laughing," Diego shouted.

They turned to watch him push Klaus off of him.

"I hate it when you're like this!" Diego said. "You're completely trashed."

Klaus kept laughing and Diego looked ready to punch him. Luther stepped in between them.

"Let's not fight," Luther said.

"I'm done playing along," Diego growled. "Why the fuck did we let him drink?"

"It's my birthday!" Klaus said.

"It's my birthday too," Diego said. "And you're ruining it."

Diego stormed out of the room and Ben realized everyone was looking his way.

"Um," Ben said. "I'll go talk to him?"

"No, no, no," Allison said. "You don't have to do that."

"I'll talk to him," Luther said.

"Oh c'mon!" Klaus drawled. "He's not a baby."

Vanya sighed.

"What do you mean?" Ben said.

"I think they-" Vanya started.

"Hey." Allison clapped her hands together. "This is still a party! Let's just leave Diego alone, give him time to cool off."

"I think that would offend him," Luther said.

"He can come back if he wants to," Allison said.

Ben got the distinct feeling that he was missing something. Or else, that they were keeping something from him. But he couldn't begin to guess what it was.

"I'm done playing along," Diego had said.

"I want to talk to him," Ben said. "I'll come back later."

"Luther can talk to him," Allison said. "You don't have to-"

"I want to," Ben said, firmly.

"Great!" Klaus said. "I'll dance with Vanya."

Ben glanced at her. "Is that okay with you?"

Vanya nodded and opened her arms for Klaus. He picked her up and spun her around. "Hell yeah it's okay with her! I'm the best dancer in the family."

She chuckled. "I can't deny that."

Allison took hold of his elbow. "I kind of wanted the chance to dance with you though," she said. "You sure you don't want to let Luther handle it?"

Her persistence was suspicious.

"I'm sure," Ben said. "I won't be gone for that long, okay? And I'll try to get Diego to come back."

Allison gave up, releasing his elbow. "Alright."

---

Diego wasn't in his room and he wasn't in the kitchen with the Fives. Ben ran into Mom while looking and she said he would probably be in the training room.

"Thanks," Ben said. "Hey, how come you're not at the party?"

Ben felt a twinge of guilt. He hadn't noticed her absence until it was staring him in the face.

Mom shrugged. "Oh, I never know what to do at things like that. These days I prefer to keep busy."

She showed him the sweater she was knitting. It was just the sleeves and the neck barely connected together in a disorganized zig zag pattern of green and red thread.

"Have you heard of the ugly sweater competition?" Mom said. "It's for Christmas and the point is to make a sweater that is as garish and cluttered as possible! I'm going to sow a bunch of stuffed animals onto it when the base is done. Maybe even cut them up so that, say, a reindeer's butt is sticking out of the elbow and a snow man's head is sticking up out of the shoulder."

Ben laughed. "I haven't heard of that, but it sounds fun."

"It'll be so much fun," Mom said. "Klaus already agreed to be my model. We're going to have a whole photo shoot!"

"I can be a model too," Ben said. "I mean, if you want."

She beamed at him. "Thank you! I would adore that."

He nodded, not knowing what else to say. Mom had so much more personality than she used to, but she was still hard to talk to.

"Uh, I'm going to go and find Diego," Ben said. "Like I said."

She nodded back. "I hope you can comfort him a little. He's been having such a difficult time."

"I'll try," Ben said. "But it's kind of hard now."

Mom tapped him on the chin. "Chin up," she said.

It was one of her phrases. Five had pointed them out to him when they were younger. She had a whole rotation of platitudes.

"Thanks," Ben said.

---

Diego was beating the shit out of a punching bag. Ben watched him for a couple minutes and Diego didn't notice. He was single mindedly focused on the punching bag.

Then Ben had an idea.

He went back into the kitchen to grab a cold water bottle from the fridge.

"Still haven't found him?" The younger Five said.

He had the laptop propped up on the kitchen counter on top of three cereal boxes, so that he and the older Five were at the same eye level while they talked.

"I found him," Ben said. "He's in the training room."

"I should've guessed," the older Five said. "He going at the punching bag?"

"Yup," Ben said. "So I thought I'd get him some water. Maybe a granola bar, do either of you know if we have any?"

The younger Five shrugged and the older said, "There should be some in the cabinet over the fridge. Luther puts them there so that Klaus can't reach them."

Ben frowned. That meant he couldn't reach them either.

"I'll get them," the younger said. He warped on top of the fridge, landing in a kneeling position, but he still bumped his head against the ceiling.

"You okay?" Ben said.

Five grunted and opened the cabinet door, nearly falling off the fridge in the process because he had to move out of the way as he opened it.

Ben hovered under him anxiously, ready to catch him.

But Five quickly grabbed the box of granolas and teleported back to where he'd been standing before.

"Were you always this fretful?" Five said, holding out the box.

Ben took it. "What do you mean?"

"It's because he's older," the Five on the laptop said. "Even four years changes a person."

The younger Five sighed. "I guess so."

"Sorry," Ben said.

Ben tried to remember how he'd behaved at thirteen. How he'd treated Five, how they'd gotten along. He thought he'd been acting the same, but it was true that he felt more protective of Five than he had back then.

"But it's not really because I've changed," Ben said. "It's because…"

Because I lost you, Ben thought. And I don't want to lose you again.

"You don't have to explain," the older Five said.

"Sorry," Ben repeated.

"It's okay," the younger said. "Hurry up and deal with Diego."

Ben hugged the granola bar box to his chest and nearly dropped the water bottle. "Right."

"You're going to take the whole thing?" Young Five said.

"Um, no," Ben said. He awkwardly fumbled with the box, which hadn't been opened yet, and could feel his face heating up as the two Fives watched.

The older cleared his throat, regaining the younger's attention. "As I was saying," he said. "There was never a thirty year old version of us present in 2019."

Ben finally got the damn box open and pulled out a granola bar. Then he slipped out of the room, eager- for the first time- to get away from Five.

---

When he got back to the training room, Diego was still pounding on the punching bag, but he'd slowed down. He was panting from the exertion.

"You thirsty?" Ben said.

Diego jumped in surprise. "Jesus," he said. "Don't sneak up on me."

He turned away from the punching bag and Ben held out the water bottle and the granola bar.

Diego grinned. "You're the best," he said.

"Hydration is important and all that," Ben said.

Diego pocketed the granola bar, focusing on the water. He chugged from it and Ben fidgeted, feeling self-conscious.

"I'm fine," Diego said. "I'll go back in a minute."

"Please don't," Ben said. "You need a shower."

Diego laughed. "You're not wrong."

What the heck, Ben thought. His mood did a total 180.

"Are you trying to be nicer in front of me?" Ben said. "Because of… because I died?"

Diego blinked. "No." He shifted on his feet. "I really do feel better now."

Then he pulled the granola bar out of his pocket and unwrapped it. "This helps," he added.

"What did you mean when you said you were done playing along?" Ben persisted.

Diego took a big bite out of the granola bar and shrugged.

"I feel like you guys are hiding something from me," Ben said. "Maybe because I'm younger. You think I can't handle it. Whatever it is."

"No man," Diego said. "I just meant, like… everyone wants to give Klaus a pass for falling off the wagon. Cause they don't want to spoil the mood. I think that's stupid."

Ben squinted at him suspiciously.

"That's all I meant," Diego said. "Seriously."

"But everyone is acting weird around me," Ben persisted.

Diego took another big gulp from the water bottle and considered him.

"Is it just in my head?" Ben said.

"Probably not," Diego said. "Sorry, I've been trying to act normal. But, you know…"

"But you lost me," Ben said. "So that changed things."

Diego avoided eye contact, "Yeah."

"Do you think it'll wear off?" Ben said. "Like, eventually?"

Diego shrugged.

"Sorry," Ben said. "I'm just trying to…"

To what? To adapt to the future, to accept this bizarre alternate reality, to figure out what to do with himself and his life, which had been stolen from him and then given back.

Putting an arm around Ben's shoulder, Diego grunted and said, "I don't get it, but I'll try to help. Just tell me what you need or whatever."

Ben wrinkled his nose. "I need you to shower, dude."

---

Long after the party was over, the two Fives continued their video call. Ben tried to peek in on them a couple of times, finding various excuses to visit the kitchen, but then Five teleported to his room for privacy.

Ben felt a bit cheated. Five had wasted their entire birthday obsessing over time travel with himself.

Finally, he knocked on Five's door. "Are you guys still talking? It's getting late."

Five opened the door. "No, I gave the laptop back to Luther."

He was in his pajamas, but his bed was covered in notebooks, the pages opened and filled with various equations.

Ben sighed. "Don't you want to do something fun for your birthday? This is the first year where we… we could do whatever we wanted."

Five raised an eyebrow. "This is fun," he said. "Besides, birthdays are-"

"Arbitrary, I know." Ben tried to stamp down his disappointment. "It's over anyway, so whatever."

Five considered him. "Was there something you wanted me to do?"

Ben shrugged.

Five looked at his new watch. "We've got two hours till midnight. So, technically, it's not over."

Ben shifted uncomfortably.

"Just tell me what you want," Five said. "I'll do it. We'll call it a birthday gift."

"There wasn't anything in particular that I wanted," Ben said. "I just… you skipped out on most of the party."

Five crossed his arms over his chest. "I can't do anything about that now."

"I know," Ben said. "Look, can we just go to bed already? I'm tired. I've been waiting for you to come to my room."

Five pursed his lips. "I'm too keyed up to sleep," he said. "You don't need to wait for me. I'll just stay here tonight, so you can-"

"No!"

Five blinked.

"I just… I won't be able to sleep like that," Ben said. "Just… I don't mind waiting. I'm kind of hungry anyway, I'll just go downstairs for a snack."

"Ben-"

"Do you want anything?"

Five shook his head.

"Okay," Ben said. "Take your time."

---

Klaus was sitting at the bottom of the stairs, casually taking a hit from a rainbow colored bong.

"Seriously? You're just going to smoke out in the open now?"

Klaus let out a smoke filled breath. "Benny!"

He tried to say more, but broke into coughing instead.

Ben frowned at him. "Dude."

Klaus laughed. "There's my Ben," he said. "You haven't changed a bit."

"For real, what is going on with you?" Ben said. "Diego says you were doing so well. You were sober, you were going to NA meetings… what happened?"

"Oh, this and that," Klaus said. "I met up with Dave the other day. Did I ever tell ya about Dave?"

"Uh, no," Ben said. "One of your ex-boyfriends?"

"Yep," Klaus said. "Except he forgot my entire existence."

Ben sat down on the bottom step next to Klaus. This was probably going to be a long rant. "That must have hurt your feelings," he said.

"I'm not exaggerating. The guy literally forgot my existence." Klaus groaned. "I wanted to be happy that he was alive, but goddammit! I wasn't happy, Ben. I was not happy."

"Uh, did he have an overdose scare?" Ben said. "Like that chick you met when you would sneak out to go clubbing?"

Klaus slapped his knee. "Oh my god! I completely forgot about that sad bitch! Damn, that was such a long ass time ago!"

Ben pinched the bridge of his nose. "I don't know why I even try to talk to you when you're like this."

"But it gets funnier," Klaus said. "Dave is, like, an old man! Eighty or ninety or something. Straight up, why is he still alive? Huh?"

"Your ex is an old man?" Ben tried to imagine when the relationship itself could have taken place. "Was it a really long time ago, when you dated him?"

The teenage Klaus had always gotten a thrill from flirting with older men. But the oldest had probably been thirty or so. A guy like that would be, what, fifty today? At the oldest.

"It was 1968," Klaus said. "Dave was in his prime, fuck. He was so hot."

Ben sighed. He thought Klaus was trying to be sincere for once. In his own way.

"Everyone's really disappointed in you," Ben said. "Don't you care at all?"

"And Dave got married," Klaus said. "Did you hear? It's legal now!"

Ben blinked. "Oh, uh, I hadn't heard."

"Lots of little changes like that," Klaus said. "Apparently they legalized it in 2015. Not my 2015, but this one. You know?"

Ben did not know. "You mean history is being changed?"

It felt weird to realize that 2015 was already a tentative part of history. The year had always felt like a magical marker of the future: where Marty McFly would zip around on a hoverboard and holographic sharks would pretend to eat you.

"Yup!" Klaus said. "Five calls it manda-something. And he says that's why Dave is alive. He didn't do it."

Ben realized Klaus was talking about the older Five and with this realization came a chilling epiphany.

"Wait… you mean Dave was…"

"Dead as a doornail." Klaus giggled. "Like you! But I get the youngest you, and the oldest Dave!"

Klaus pinched Ben's cheek, grinning aggressively. "And you really are the cutest thing, Benny! Almost innocent. Ish."

"Um, I'm sorry your ex died," Ben said. "And I'm sorry he forgot you when he came back."

Klaus laughed. "No! You're not."

Ben blinked. "Are you mad at me or something?"

Klaus rolled his eyes and took another hit from his bong.

"I'm seriously asking," Ben said.

Klaus took his time coughing and clearing his throat. Then he gave Ben one of his Klaus patented insincere smiles.

"Who could get mad at you?" Klaus said. "That would be downright criminal of me."

Definitely mad about something, Ben thought. Time to play the guessing game.

"Is it because I got after you for bullying Five?"

"Psh, I'm used to that!" Klaus said. "Five is your favorite. Always has been, always will be."

Ben tilted his head. "You sound so bitter right now."

Klaus gasped in mock surprise. "Bitter? Moi?"

"You're totally bitter!" Ben bopped him on the nose. "You know, I haven't seen you this passive aggressive since that time Dad caught Allison and Luther having a picnic in the attic."

Klaus huffed. "Luther is Allison's favorite. I'm fine with that too!"

"You're a grown ass man," Ben said. "Stop obsessing over favorites. It's not healthy."

Klaus stuck his tongue out. "Allison is my favorite," he said. "She's waaaay cooler than you."

Ben laughed. "I don't care."

"Vanya is Five's favorite," Klaus continued. "And Diego's is Mom."

"Sure."

"And you and me are the only ones who aren't favored by our favorites!" Klaus announced this with a dramatic flourish, throwing his arms open. "That's our unique bond."

Ben smirked. "But I am Five's favorite."

"Nuh uh," Klaus said. "It's Vanya."

"Oh yeah? Well, Vanya doesn't get to…"

Share a bed with Five. He'd almost let it slip out.

Klaus leaned forward. "Vanya doesn't get to what?"

Ben grinned and shook his head, miming a zipper being closed over his lips.

"A secret!" Klaus gasped. "Hell yeah, detective Klaus is on the hunt!"

"Oh my god," Ben groaned. "Don't start with that bullshit."

Klaus cackled. "It's your favorite bullshit!"

"Not when I'm the subject!"

"Schadenfreude, oh brother of mine." Klaus sniggered. "For truly great comedy, we must all take a turn as the victim."

"I don't care about comedy," Ben said. "Find another victim."

Klaus placed the back of his hand against his forehead, dramatically looking up as if imploring the gods for patience. "I suppose I'll have to sacrifice myself, once again."

"Sacrifice yourself to what?"

"To schadenfreude!" Klaus gestured vaguely at the ceiling, as if this deity were floating over their heads. "I shall put my misery into my art and the masses will laugh so hard their spleens will explode!"

"I think you've had enough laughter for a lifetime," Ben said. "Don't you ever get tired?"

"Nein!" Klaus put his arm over Ben's shoulder and gave him a squeeze. "There's no rest for the talented!"

"Riiiight," Ben said. "Well, I'm going to rest."

Klaus saluted him. "Sleep well!"

---

Having completely forgotten the snack he'd set out to get in the first place, Ben went back up to his room.

Five was there, sitting in bed with a scowl. "About time," he said.

"Sorry," Ben said. "I ended up hanging out with Klaus for a bit."

"You're the one that was rushing me to get to bed," Five said. "You're the one that can't sleep by himself."

"Sorry," Ben said. "Is it a pain? You don't have to force yourself."

Five pinched the bridge of his nose. "Then which is it? You can't sleep without me or you don't need me?"

"I… I don't need you," Ben said. "I just… I like having you here. It's nice."

Five leaned forward. "There's something you're not telling me."

"What do you mean?"

"I feel like I'm missing something," Five said. "You know I can't read your mind, right?"

"You're not missing anything," Ben said.

Five squinted at him suspiciously.

"You're really not," Ben said. "I'm sorry I got mad at you. I didn't mean to."

Five snorted. "That was you being mad?"

"Sort of." Ben rubbed at the back of his neck sheepishly. "I think I got a little jealous of the older Five? But also of you, because I never get to talk to the older Five for that long. It's really stupid."

Five laughed. "He got jealous too!"

"Really?"

"He thinks I'm the Five you like best," Five said. "Because you have memories of me, but none of him."

"He really said that?"

"No, but I can read between the lines." Five pulled the cover back from the bed. "Anyway, are you going to lay down or what?"

Ben smiled. "Yeah, I'm beat."

"Then turn the lights off already."

Ben did so and then got into bed, snuggling up against Five in the way he'd grown accustomed to.

"Goodnight, Ben."

"Goodnight," Ben said. "I love you."

"Yeah, yeah," Five said. "Love you too."

---

The knocking woke Ben up. It was a soft sound and, at first, it mingled with his dream.

There were five Fives running around and they started lightly tap dancing in sync with the knocking.

"Ben?" Vanya's voice broke the logic of the dream. "Are you still asleep?"

Ben opened his eyes and glanced around. The light from the window was faint, but it was enough to tell him that it was morning.

"Huh?" Ben mumbled.

"Sorry, I know it's early." Vanya called from the door. "But can you come out? Allison has something important she needs to tell you."

Ben sat up and looked around for Five, spotting his foot sticking out of the blanket where a head should have been.

Five could be a restless sleeper and he tossed and turned enough to turn himself completely around, sometimes. Ben slowly lifted the blanket to see if Five was awake, but the little dude was still conked out.

"Ben?" Vanya raised her voice and Ben winced, scrambling out of the bed as quietly as possible.

He opened the door a sliver, not wanting to risk her spotting Five. "I'll be right down," he murmured.

"Okay cool," Vanya said. "I'll go wake Five then."

His eyes widened. "No!"

If Vanya found Five's bed neatly made up and empty, she might freak out. But if Ben exposed Five's secret…

No, he couldn't do that.

"No?" Vanya echoed.

"Five has been having a lot of trouble sleeping," Ben said. "So he'll be really grumpy if you wake him up."

"Oh." Vanya scratched her cheek. "I guess we can fill him in later, then."

"Thanks." Ben made a show of nonchalantly leaning against the doorframe. "What's this about, anyway?"

Vanya fidgeted with her hands. "I think we should let Allison explain."

Ben frowned. "Okay… Just let me get dressed."

She nodded.

---

"So he's just... gone? Gone gone?" Ben didn't mean to raise his voice. It just came out that way, startlingly loud and angry.

Allison covered her face with her hands. "He won't answer my calls anymore."

"He picked up when I called though," Vanya added. "Said he was going north. He's okay, he just… well, he didn't really explain why, but he said he needed to stay away from the family. For our own good, he said."

"Why wouldn't he explain why?!"

Allison lowered her hands and leaned forward. "You can call him, Ben. He'll listen to you."

Vanya shook her head. "When Five makes up his mind about something that's it."

"But you guys talked him out of time traveling just the other day," Allison said. "Right? Didn't you?"

"That was the other Five," Ben said. "And it was Five that talked him out of it."

"Okay great," Allison said. "Maybe it can work the other way around too. Where's baby Five? We'll tell him and he can-"

"Hold on," Vanya said. "Before we start scheming I just… I just wanted to get everyone on the same page."

Allison scoffed. "Scheming? Wow."

"You know what I meant," Vanya said.

"Sure." Allison stood and made a show of dusting off her pants. "You know what? I need to head back over there."

Vanya stood too. "Allison…"

"You can tell everyone else for me," Allison said. "That's your shtick anyway."

"I'm going to go wake Five," Ben said.

"Good," Allison said. "Tell him to call himself."

"Please don't leave like this," Vanya said. "Don't leave angry."

Ben didn't want to stick around for their fight. He hurried back to his bedroom.

---

Five was still asleep.

"You're a heavy sleeper," Ben said. "I forgot about that."

He ran his fingers through Five's hair.

"Vanya almost caught you in here," Ben said. "I feel like she'd be the best person to find out, of everyone, but I kept the secret safe anyway."

Five was smiling in his sleep.

Ben couldn't bring himself to wake him, in the end, so instead he laid back down with his feet to the headboard so he could match Five.

"I'll tell you later," Ben murmured. "It's fine if I tell you later, right?"

Five still didn't wake up, so Ben put an arm around him and closed his eyes.

"It's going to be okay," Vanya had said.

Ben nodded to himself, desperate to agree with her.

"It's going to be okay," he whispered.

Two days after the birthday party, Vanya and Allison woke him up to explain the older Five's disappearance.

No, disappearance was the wrong word. Five wasn't missing, he was just gone. He'd left, but he was still answering his phone. According to Vanya anyway.

Ben accidentally fell asleep when he got back into bed with the younger Five. When he woke up again, it was tempting to write off the whole situation as just another nightmare. But it had been too coherent for a nightmare. Too vivid.

To make things worse, the younger Five was no longer in the bed with him. Ben rushed over to Five's room and knocked on his door. "Five! Are you in there?"

"Getting dressed," Five called from inside. "Give me a second."

Ben fidgeted in the hallway and wondered where he'd left his phone. He needed to call the older Five. To make sure he would really still be around somewhere to answer.

But then Five opened the door. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing," Ben replied, automatically. "Uh, well, except the other Five is gone."

Five raised an eyebrow. "He's not gone."

"I mean he isn't at Allison's apartment anymore," Ben said. "He left yesterday."

"I know," Five said. "He told me he would."

"What? Why didn't you tell me?!"

"I thought he would," Five said.

"Goddammit," Ben said. "Did he tell you why?"

"Yes," Five said. "He said the Commission would consider him a threat to the timeline."

"What? Why?"

"Isn't it obvious?" Five said. "There are two of us. It's a paradox."

"But you guys are thousands of miles away from each other," Ben said. "So I thought-"

"It's more complicated than that," Five said. "I'm not clear on all the details, but the gist of it is the Commision has technology that alerts them to anomalies like this."

Ben could barely wrap his head around the Commission's existence, let alone their technology. But he knew their whole thing was time travel.

"Wouldn't they have come already?" Ben said. "If they were going to?"

Five shrugged. "My doppelganger seems to think they operate in a very… particular way."

"What does that mean?"

"He said they evaluate the course of events very carefully," Five said. "And then pick when to step in. Because timing is everything."

Ben wanted to tear his hair out. This was so frustrating.

"Sorry," Five said. "I really thought he would tell you."

Ben took a deep breath. "It's not your fault."

"So he didn't tell anyone?" Five said. "He just left?"

"He told Allison," Ben said. "I mean, she said he waited until he was already on a bus. But he did tell her. And then she told Vanya, and then Vanya called him… speaking of, I should call him too."

Five smirked. "Tell him I think he's being childish."

Ben laughed, in spite of himself. "I will."

---

Ben was pissed. He took his phone up to the attic so he could yell at Five without being overheard.

"How could you leave again?!" Ben shouted.

"I'm sorry," Five said. "But it had to be done."

"You said I could visit you whenever I wanted! You said you would stay with Allison!"

"I lied," Five said. "I'm sorry."

"Why did you lie?" Ben said. "Where are you going?!"

"I'm not going anywhere in particular," Five said. "I just needed to leave before Allison got back from New York."

"Because of those stupid time travelers?" Ben said.

"Those stupid time travelers have impressive technology," Five said. "They call it the Infinite Switchboard."

"But… but you said you would stay." Even as he spoke, Ben knew he sounded like a petulant toddler, but he couldn't stop himself. "You said you would stay. You can't leave again. You can't leave on purpose."

"It's simple math," Five said. "I don't belong and never did."

"Bullshit! I don't belong either, so why do I get to stay, huh? What's stopping those time travelers from coming after me? Or the other Five?"

"They won't come after you," Five said. "It's not the same."

"Why not?!"

"I wish I could explain," Five said.

"Then explain!"

"It would go over your head," Five said. "I don't have a metaphor for this."

Metaphors had always been Five's favorite way of explaining complex theorems or emotions.

"Then come up with one," Ben said.

"Alright," Five said. "I'll try to do that, but in the meantime you'll have to trust that I'm doing what's best for the family."

"I won't trust that," Ben said.

"That's your prerogative, I suppose."

"God fucking dammit," Ben muttered. "You really are cursed with gypsy blood."

"I beg your pardon?"

"Nevermind," Ben huffed.

"A nomadic people," Five said. "I suppose I can see the comparison."

"It's a line from this stupid poem."

"A poem? Did you memorize it?"

"Huh? Yeah." Ben could feel his anger draining away and was surprised by it. Was it because Five refused to properly defend himself? Or the fact that nothing had noticeably changed?

"Would you recite it for me?"

Ben swallowed. "Sure, I guess. It's just… it's a poem that's always reminded me of you."

"I'd like to hear it."

"Okay." Ben cleared his throat. "There's a race of men that don't fit in. A race that can't sit still; so they break the hearts of kith and kin, and roam the world at will."

Ben paused, feeling embarrassed.

"Go on," Five said.

"They range the field and rove the flood," Ben continued. "And they climb the mountain's crest; theirs is the curse of the gypsy blood, and they don't know how to rest."

Ben cleared his throat again. "That's it, that's the poem."

"I see," Five said. "It's certainly fitting."

"I used to picture you as this epic explorer," Ben said. "I thought you were out on an adventure. I admired it, but I wished you had taken me with you."

"I would gladly bring you with me if I could," Five said.

"Why can't you?" Ben said. "Tell me where you are and I can get on a bus-"

"No, Ben," Five said. "I will not take you away from your home."

"But-"

"I won't discuss this any further," Five said. "I'm hanging up."

"Fuck you!" Ben said. "You're always hanging up! This time I'm hanging up!"

Ben pulled the phone away from his ear and stared at the red End Call button, but before he could actually bring himself to press it, Five hung up.

He wanted to scream.

---

"Did she rumor you?! Is that it?" Diego was yelling. Probably at Luther.

Ben could hear him from three rooms away.

"Since when is she the boss?" Diego continued. "I'm not going to sit on my ass and wait for her to find him! I can help her track him. Hell, I've got more experience than she does!"

Ben slowly approached Luther's bedroom, straining to hear Luther's side of the argument.

"It's not about experience." Luther's voice was more subdued. "I think Vanya made a good point about-"

"But it's not like the last time," Diego growled. "This has nothing to do with child services or shady organizations. It's just Five, skulking around on his own like some kind of-"

"He said he was worried about the Commission," Luther said. "I think we should respect his decision. At least for now. Give him some time to-"

"Fuck that!" Diego said. "He should respect my decision to whoop his scrawny ass."

Taking a deep breath, Ben knocked on the door. "Guys? Can I come in?"

Luther opened the door, looking sheepish. "Were we too loud?"

Diego scoffed. "What, did you want to keep him in the dark?"

"No," Luther said. "I just meant-"

"It's okay," Ben said. "I just… I wanted to join the conversation."

The phone call with the older Five had been frustrating. And the younger Five was with Vanya, trying to explain things better than the older had despite his own limited understanding.

"Of course," Luther said. "Um, we were just… strategizing."

Diego ran a hand over his face. "Strategizing. Right."

"I agree with Diego," Ben said. "I want to go to California too."

Diego's face fell. "Fuck," he said.

"What?" Ben said.

"It might be dangerous," Luther said. "Five thinks-"

"You don't like missions," Diego cut in. "You've always hated them."

Ben glared at him. "This isn't a mission."

"Still," Diego said. "You… you've only got one trick."

He meant the Horror.

"I got the same combat training as everyone else," Ben said, defensively. "I wouldn't need to use the Horror."

Ben wondered if he should have hidden his distaste for the Horror when they were growing up. But it was too late to do anything about that now.

"Even if I did have to use it, I don't mind," Ben said. "But it's not like-"

"How much did Five tell you?" Luther said. "Did he explain his theory?"

There it was again. That feeling that he was missing something. And Luther was trying to get his story straight.

Ben crossed his arms together. "Five told me everything."

Diego put his hands on Ben's shoulders and made intense eye contact. "Hey, listen. A good hero knows when to stand down."

Ben scoffed. "Are you trying to bench me?"

"No!" Diego said. "I mean, yeah, but-"

"You don't think I'm good enough?" Ben said.

"You have to understand," Luther said. "We just got you back."

Ben had said the same thing to Five and he flinched with the realization.

"I'm sorry," Diego said. "Dammit, I just-"

"I get it," Ben said. "Whatever."

Diego looked crestfallen. "Ben, I just… I want you to stay here. I don't… I…"

"I think we should all just calm down and stay put," Luther said. "We need to think this through."

Diego huffed. "But Allison gets to hop on the first plane back to California?"

"She lives there." Luther pointed out. "She was going to head back anyway."

Diego groaned.

"A good hero knows when to stand down," Luther added, glibly.

Diego actually laughed at that. "Touché, asshole."

Impulsively, Ben leaned forward to turn Diego's hold on his shoulders into a full on hug.

"I hate this," Ben mumbled. "I hate this."

Diego squeezed him. "Me too."

"It's going to be okay," Luther said. "It's not like last time. We don't know where Five is, but we know he's alright."

Diego grunted.

"Okay?" Luther said. "Are we in agreement?"

"Fine," Diego muttered.

"Ben?" Luther ruffled his hair. "You agree too?"

"No," Ben said. "But you're the boss, and all that."

Luther blinked.

Diego pulled back from the hug. "Uh, no," Diego said. "He's not the boss anymore."

"He's not?"

"We're equals," Luther said. "We decide things together now."

"Oh," Ben said. "Sure."

It was a nice thought, but Ben knew that wasn't the case. Maybe Diego and Luther were equals, but Ben knew he would always be the little brother. Younger, smaller, and tiptoed around as if he could kill over at any second.

Speaking of death.

"Hey, has anyone told Klaus yet?" Ben said.

"Oh shit," Diego said.

"Is he still asleep?" Luther said.

"I think he is!"

"Why does he sleep all day?" Ben said.

"He's nocturnal," Luther said. "I don't know."

"Should I tell him?" Diego said.

At the same time, Ben and Luther said, "No!"

Diego raised an eyebrow.

Luther chuckled nervously. "Uh, you're just a bit…"

"You're not tactful," Ben said.

"I get it," Diego said. "One of you do it, then."

"I'll tell him," Luther said. "You guys just… uh, sit tight."

And Luther shuffled out, leaving them alone in his bedroom.

"Uh," Ben said.

Diego put an arm over his shoulder. "Let's get the fuck out of here."

"Can we go get donuts or something?" Ben said. "I need comfort food."

"You got it, bro," Diego said.

Ben smiled. It wasn't all bad, being the younger brother.

He just hoped Five really was alright, wherever he was.

---

Donuts were not as comforting as they used to be.

"So the old man has run away from home again," Klaus said. "I mean, what else is new?"

Diego smacked him upside the head.

"Ow!" Klaus clutched at his head with the kind of exaggeration that told Ben he wasn't really hurt. "Why is everyone so mean to me?!"

"Cause you're a jackass," Diego said.

"I second that," Ben mumbled around a mouthful of donut.

Klaus threw his hands up. "Am I wrong?!"

Ben rolled his eyes.

"It's different this time," Diego said. "Five wants to protect us."

"From the big bad Commission, yeah yeah." Klaus surreptitiously plucked the sprinkles off of his donut. "Why doesn't he just let them take him to the future?"

Ben coughed, and choked on his donut.

Diego slapped him on the back. "Spit it out!"

Ben shook his head, swallowing the food down. "What?" he croaked.

"They didn't tell you that part?" Klaus said.

"Shut up," Diego said.

Ben crushed the rest of his donut.

"What a waste," Klaus said.

"They want to take him to the future?" Ben said. "Why would they do that?"

"Cause Five is old," Klaus said. "He doesn't look it, but he's supposed to be in 2050 or something."

Ben stared at him.

"So what?" Diego said. "He belongs with us."

Ben stood. "He didn't tell me anything about that!"

"It's okay, Ben," Diego said. "We won't let them take him. Once we find him we're gonna-"

"But he wouldn't really be gone," Klaus said. "He'd be with the old versions of us. So it's not like-"

"Shut up, Klaus!" Ben and Diego said at the same time.

"Why do you guys keep lying to me?" Ben said. "You think I can't handle it?"

Klaus raised his hand. "I never lied to you."

"You're right," Ben said. "Thanks."

"Five did it first," Diego said. "I was just going along-"

"Since when do you go along?" Klaus said.

"Whatever," Ben said. "I'm going to call Five again."

"Tell him he's an asshole," Klaus said. "Tell him from me, yeah?"

Ben considered him. There was something off about Klaus. The bags under his eyes, the stringy-ness of his hair, the way he picked at his food instead of eating it. Maybe Klaus hadn't lied about anything directly, but Ben got the uneasy feeling that there was a storm brewing under the surface.

… or Klaus was just hung over.

Either way, it was something he'd have to investigate later.

"I'll tell him," Ben said. "Is there anything else you want to get off your chest?"

Klaus shook his head. "Just that."

Ben nodded. "Alright."

There were too many mysteries in this household.

---

Liars. This house was full of liars.

"Why didn't you tell me they want to kidnap you?!"

"That's just a theory," Five said. "If you would calm down-"

"You used to tell me all of your theories!" Ben said. "Now you're telling everyone but me?"

"I didn't tell everyone."

"You should have told me," Ben said. "I'm the vault!"

"I knew it would upset you," Five said. "I wanted to avoid this."

"Great," Ben said. "That's just great, so you were going to disappear without a word and let someone else tell me that I won't see you again for thirty years."

"I'm not going to disappear," Five growled. "If anyone from the Commission comes near me they're dead."

"You're not a one man army!" Ben said. "You should let us protect you!"

"I wanted you to live your life in peace," Five said. "I wanted-"

"What about what I want?"

"I don't know what you expect me to say here," Five said. "I'm sorry, alright? I'll repeat it as many times as you need."

"I expect you to say you'll come back," Ben said. "Or that you'll let me go with you."

"What about the child Five?" Five said. "You'll abandon him?"

"That's not fair."

"He loves you," Five said. "He needs you."

"I need him too," Ben said. "But I also need you."

"No," Five said. "I'm superfluous."

"No, you aren't!"

"I'm a goddamn redundancy," Five said. "A clerical error in the fabric of time and space."

"What?!" Ben said. "Is that what you think?"

"It's what I know."

"You're wrong."

"Let's agree to disagree," Five said.

"But I love you just as much as I love him!" Ben said. "I love you so much it fucking hurts."

"I love you too," Five said. "That's why I have to do this. I won't put you at risk."

"What if I want to put myself at risk?" Ben said. "Shouldn't that be my choice?"

"Listen to me," Five said. "You have a responsibility to the rest of our family. Do you realize how much it would torment them to hear you say something like that?"

"Fine, but what if you're wrong?" Ben said. "What if it's all in your head?"

"What if what is all in my head?"

"The danger," Ben said. "The Commission, what if they never show up? What if you're leaving us for nothing?"

"I would be perfectly happy with it, if that were true," Five said. "But the probabilities-"

"You can't keep making decisions based on probabilities!"

"I can and I will," Five said.

"But-"

"I'm done talking about this."

"Don't you dare hang up on me!"

"Fine," Five said. "You hang up."

"No."

"We're talking in circles."

"I don't care."

"At some point, you'll understand," Five said. "Maybe when you're older."

"No."

"Fine."

"Fine," Ben spat. "Fine, I'll stop torturing you! Go ahead and hang up, go back to your adventure, go back to your- your special companion that can read your mind and understand you in that perfect way that I never could!"

"Ben," Five said. "Don't do that."

"Don't do what?"

"Don't resent me."

"I can and I will!"

"Touché."

"I'm serious," Ben said. "Hang up already. You've got my permission."

"I won't hang up."

"I won't hang up either."

"Then we've reached an impasse," Five said. "Can you do me a favor?"

"That depends," Ben said. "What kind of favor?"

"Will you read something?" Five said. "From one of your books."

Talking to Five was like walking through a minefield, but instead of lethal bombs the ground was rigged with nostalgia bombs. They would hit Ben unexpectedly, flooding him with memories.

How many times had he read to Five and Vanya when she needed a break from playing the violin? How many times had he read just for Five, because Five couldn't sleep?

And how many more times would he get the chance with this Five?

"Which book?" Ben said.

"One of the new Best Americans," Five said. "Do you have a favorite story yet?"

"Yeah," Ben said. "There's this one about a woman who's trapped in this virtual reality. And she meets this guy who she really wants to see again, but because everything keeps glitching it takes her years to find him."

"Great," Five said. "Read that one."

"Um, I'll have to go get it from my room," Ben said. "I'm in the attic right now."

"Why the attic?"

"For privacy," Ben said. "No one comes up here, so I started using it for phone calls."

"Smart," Five said. "Do you want to hang up and call me back when you've collected your book?"

"NO! I mean, no, I can just..." Ben hoped he didn't sound like a crazy person. "I'll run down real quick, okay? Just stay on the call."

"Alright," Five said. "I'll stay on."

"Thanks."

Ben made the awkward trip with his phone pressed against his ear. "You're still there?"

"I'm still here," Five said. "Take your time."

"You'll always answer when I call you, right?" Ben said. "No matter where you go?"

"I'll always answer," Five said.

"Okay, good," Ben said. "That's good."

When he finally made it to his room, Ben found the book they'd been talking about and turned to his favorite story. The page was dog-eared so he could return to it.

"Are you somewhere comfortable?" Ben said. "I'm going to start reading."

"I'm in a hotel room, at the moment," Five said. "I wasn't able to pay for it, because I look like a minor, but there were so many unused rooms I didn't think they would notice."

"That's good," Ben said. "I'm glad you've got a bed to sleep on, and stuff."

"It beats cardboard," Five said.

Ben flinched. I'm not going to ask, he told himself. Not. Going. To ask.

"I thought you were going to start?" Five said.

"I am," Ben said. "Here I go."

It was difficult holding onto the phone and the book at the same time, but eventually Ben figured out he could put the phone on speaker and set it down close by. When he did that the whole operation went a lot smoother, and Ben was able to read the entire short story in one sitting.

When it was over, Five said this, "I like talking to you, Ben. Don't fool yourself into thinking otherwise. The reason I hang up is that I'm trying to keep on the move. An unaccompanied minor can't stay in one place for long without attracting attention."

"That, uh, that makes a lot of sense," Ben said.

"Not only that, but I'm constantly juggling phone calls from the rest of our siblings," Five said. "I had to ignore three such calls over the course of this conversation."

"Shit, really? You should call them back."

"I should," Five agreed. "But will you be alright? Have you calmed down?"

"I'm calm," Ben said. "And whoever was calling you is probably freaking out right now."

"I hope not," Five said. "But I'm noticing you're all very… tense, in the face of my absence."

"Of course we're tense!" Ben said. "You traumatized us by running away from home when we were thirteen!"

"And it was the single worst decision I've ever made," Five said. "But also the best one, because it allowed me to save the world."

Ben groaned.

"In any case," Five said. "I'll try to be more understanding."

"You're so generous."

"Uh huh," Five said. "Goodbye, then."

"I'll talk to you later," Ben said. "Bye."

This time, Ben beat Five to the End Call button.

---

It was the same laptop Old Five had been using to video chat with them before, but now it was Allison on the screen.

"I just think we've run out of options," Allison said. "I even sent out an Amber Alert, but no one has seen him."

Ben had half expected Power Puff Girls or the unicorn pile to be in the background behind her, but Allison wasn't in Claire's room.

"You used Amber Alert?" Vanya said, incredulously. "Allison, that's for kidnapped children."

The painting behind Allison was professional, spread out on a canvas. It was of a large group of people that were clearly a mix of different races.

"So I bent the truth a little," Allison snapped. "Fucking sue me."

Ben was listening to the conversation, but he was also stuck on the painting. Was it one of Mom's? She'd made a whole collection.

"Whoaa," Diego said. "Don't take everything so personally, Allison."

"Yeah, Allison," Klaus snickered. "Turn it down a notch."

"Fuck. You." On the screen Allison jutted her chin out, stubbornly angry.

"Okay, hold on," Luther said. "I think we all knew we'd stand a better chance if we just convinced Five to come back on his own."

"I've been calling him every day," Vanya said. "He keeps saying 'I know what I'm doing' and things like that."

"We can't convince him," Allison said. "I have to Rumor him."

On the couch next to Ben, the younger Five was following the conversation without expression. Ben kept waiting for him to say something, but he just… he just stoically took it all in. Like he was watching a movie, something that didn't actually involve him.

"You know that's not going to work," Diego said. "As soon as it wears off he'll leave again."

"Not if he runs out of juice," Klaus said. "You can trap him if you're smart about it!"

"Do you guys hear yourselves?" Whenever Vanya raised her voice everybody tensed, but so far nothing had shattered. "You talk about him like he's a wild animal!"

"We don't have time for positive words of affirmation," Allison said, derisively. "The Commision could swoop in and snatch him up at any second!"

"I've been here for over a month now," young Five finally spoke up. "And they haven't shown themselves."

"I know," Luther said. "But the other Five says-"

"Five says, Five says," Klaus griped. "I'm so tired of trying to puzzle out what Five says! No offense, Five."

Five shrugged.

"What do you think, Ben?" Diego said. "You have an opinion?"

Everyone turned to look at him.

"Um… no?" Ben said.

"Is that a question?" Five asked.

"No," Ben said. "I just… I'm still thinking."

"We don't have time for thinking," Allison said. "Ben, I love you, but-"

"That's okay," Ben said, quickly. "Sorry."

"We're still brainstorming," Luther said. "Don't worry, Ben."

"No, she's right," Diego said. "We can't keep sitting on our asses like this."

"Should we sit on our faces?" Klaus said.

Diego ignored him. "I'm willing to let Allison try it her way, but when she fails-"

"You're always so negative," Klaus said.

Diego threw his hands up. "Whose side are you on, Klaus?!"

"I'm on nobody's side," Klaus said. "I'm the devil's advocate."

"Guys, focus," Allison said.

"You can't Rumor him anyway," Vanya said. "He won't let you."

"If I borrow someone else's phone he'll pick up," Allison said. "I just need one of you to come over here."

"That's nefarious," Klaus said.

"He just might be dumb enough to fall for it," Five said.

"Dude," Ben said. "You're insulting yourself right now."

"Let's agree to disagree on that," Five said.

"That's a mind fuck," Klaus said.

"Guys, I don't like this plan," Vanya said. "If it doesn't work out it'll just give Five a reason to stop answering our calls."

"At the end of the day, we need to do what's best for Five," Luther said. "Do you want to protect his pride or risk him getting trapped thirty years in the future?"

Vanya groaned.

"Luther's right," Allison said. "And Five would do the same for us! Right Five?"

"Sure," Five said. "I guess."

"Then it's settled," Allison said. "Luther, will you make the trip over here?"

Luther nodded. "Yeah, I'll-"

"Hold on," Diego said. "Why are you asking Luther?"

"Cause Luther is big," Klaus said. "And you are small."

"Fuck you." Diego said the phrase in a nonchalant way, like it was something to get out of the way. "I'm better at long range attacks. If Five tries to sneak away again-"

"You'll do what?" Allison said. "Throw a knife at him?"

Diego scowled.

"Just give it up," Ben said. "Let Luther go."

Diego made eye contact with him, and Ben tried to figure out how to smile in a way that wouldn't seem mocking.

Diego took a deep breath. "Fine," he said, through gritted teeth.

Klaus started a slow clap, full of sarcasm and pride. "That's what we call growth, kids!"

Diego punched him on the shoulder, but Klaus didn't even flinch. "I'm still working on mine," he said, instead of whining. "Give it a few years."

"Okay then!" Allison said. "I'm glad we're finally in agreement."

"Technically, we're not all in agreement," Vanya said.

"Right, well, I'm glad most of us are," Allison said, then quickly added: "I'm hanging up!"

The square where her image had been got replaced with an old photo of her.

"That was such a Five power move," Klaus said. "You know what? I'm gonna end all of my phone calls that way from now on."

"Since the meeting is over, I'm leaving too," Five said.

"Wait-" Vanya started, but Five had already teleported.

She sighed.

Luther put a comforting hand on her shoulder. "Five is Five," he chuckled. "Am I right?"

Ben shook his head. "Too soon, man."

---

Ben waited until he was alone to call Allison. The phone was stuck ringing for a long time and he was starting to wonder if it was broken when she finally picked up.

"I'm so sorry, Ben," she said. "I had my phone on silent."

"That's okay," Ben said. "Um, thanks for answering."

"Is everything okay?"

"Yeah." He was sitting in the attic, the infamous spot where Allison and Luther used to sneak off to be alone together. The place was dusty and abandoned, a mess of blankets and throw pillows piled together in a careless heap.

"Ben?"

"Sorry," Ben said. "Was I supposed to say more?"

There was a rustle over the line. Ben couldn't make out what it was.

He tentatively sat down on one of the throw pillows. It was dirty, but comfy enough.

"I forgot how quiet you are," Allison finally said. "It's kind of your default, isn't it?"

"Is that a bad thing?"

"No, of course not," Allison said. "It's just that I forgot."

Fourteen years was a really long time. Almost as long as he'd been alive in the first place. Hell, longer than the younger Five had been alive.

"I keep forgetting too," Ben said. "How long you guys have lived without me."

"Oh, Ben," Allison said. "I didn't mean to dredge that up."

"No I just… I'm just saying. It's weird."

"I know it is," Allison said. "I'm sorry."

"Five said he didn't want to do this to me," Ben said. "I didn't get what he meant by that at first."

"But now you do?"

"Yeah." Ben decided to lay down and there was an explosion of dust motes as he disturbed more pillows.

He coughed.

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah," Ben repeated. "Sorry."

"Were you coughing?"

"Yeah, but I'm fine."

"Are you fine?" Allison said. "Because I'm not. I'm the opposite of fine."

"You're right," Ben said. "I mean, me too."

"Goddammit," Allison said. "I keep thinking about Dad's funeral. That's when Five came back, did anyone tell you that?"

"No, it hasn't come up."

"He just fell from the sky," Allison said. "Literally dropped down on us in an oversized suit."

Ben tried to picture it. "Oversized because of the mistake he made?"

"Yup. And I think I caught a glimpse of him right before it happened. The old man that he was before he walked through the portal. Just for a split second."

"What did he look like?"

"I didn't get a good look," Allison said. "I'm not even sure if I actually saw. I think maybe I just tricked myself into thinking I saw. But I was also half convinced that Five was lying about his age. That he was the same kid who ran away from us in 2002."

"I thought that too," Ben said. "Until I spent enough time with the younger Five to notice the differences."

"Because that would make more sense," Allison said. "And I remember I was so angry at him that day!"

"The day Five came back?"

"Yes! Cause he just strolled into the kitchen and started making himself a sandwich!"

Once again, Ben tried to picture it. But instead he saw the Five that pulled him out of bed, and out of his life, in the middle of the night.

"I would be mad too," Ben said.

"I don't know what I was expecting," Allison said. "But he just… and I just… goddammit."

"He was too busy trying to save the world?"

"Probably," Allison said. "But he didn't even tell us the world was ending. Not until later."

"Typical."

"Why is he like that? Do you know?"

Ben shifted around in his makeshift hobo bed, trying to get more comfortable while he considered the question.

"Ben?"

"I'm thinking," Ben said.

The dust motes were oddly pretty. The way they gently floated in the light.

Ben sneezed.

"Are you getting sick?"

"No," Ben said.

"Uh huh," Allison said. "Get Mom to check your temperature just in case."

"I'm not sick," Ben said. "Anyway, Five has always been like that. I think that's just how he is?"

"Vanya says we all have different coping mechanisms for different reasons," Allison said. "I guess it's difficult to tell the difference between nature and nurture, but even just looking at nurture we all had different experiences."

"But we grew up in the same place," Ben said.

"Yeah, but we weren't treated the same," Allison said. "You know how Dad liked to pit us against each other."

"I thought it was just Diego and Luther that fell for that," Ben said. "The rest of us didn't care."

"I cared," Allison said. "And Five definitely cared."

"You think so? But he always seemed so… nonchalant."

"He was smug," Allison said. "Because he was talented. He didn't have any of Diego's insecurity, or any of Luther's… uh, eager-to-please deal. But I think Five was kind of obsessive about pushing himself?"

Ben considered it. The way Five had always jumped at the chance to practice teleporting, to do different things with it, to puzzle it out and do more.

To time travel.

"I could be wrong," Allison added. "You know him better than I do."

"You're probably not wrong," Ben said. "Even now he's obsessed with his powers. The younger Five, I mean."

"Right, so-"

"But I don't think that has anything to do with Dad."

"Maybe not," Allison said.

Ben didn't like the way she said that. Like she disagreed, but wasn't willing to argue the point.

But he didn't call her to argue about Five's feelings on Dad.

"Listen," Ben said. "Can you convince Luther to let me go with him to L.A?"

"Wow," Allison said. "You're taking after Diego now?"

"You said yourself that I know Five best," Ben said. "You said he listens to me."

"I was talking about the younger Five," Allison said. "I don't think-"

"I can talk him into staying," Ben insisted. "Maybe he'll like living with you more if I'm there too?"

"No, it'll have the opposite effect."

Ben sat up. "What? Why would it-"

"Weren't you listening? Old Five is paranoid. He thinks the Commission is out to get him."

"But are they really out to get him?" Ben said. "The younger Five says he's skeptical."

"The younger Five doesn't know anything about them," Allison said. "And even if Five is wrong, he'll still react as if it's a life or death situation. If you get near him he'll freak out."

"Life or death?" Ben said. "Why would it be life or death?"

"They have a history of being a bit messy," Allison said. "Like, they have their target or whatever, but if a civilian gets in the way they don't mind killing them."

"What?! Why would they kill them for… for…"

Ben floundered for the right words, but he didn't even know what it was the Commission actually did.

"Oh no," Allison said. "No one told you."

"Told me what?"

"About the Commission," Allison said. "About what they do."

Ben swallowed. "Five said they protect the timeline or something."

"But he didn't tell you how."

A life or death situation. Civilians who got in the way would be killed.

"They're assassins," Allison said. "I'm sorry to tell you like this."

"Does that mean they're going to kill Five?!" Ben said. "Klaus said they just want to take him to the future."

"Five assured everyone that they wouldn't kill him," Allison said. "But honestly? I don't know what to believe at this point."

Neither do I, Ben thought.

What if Allison was lying? Everyone was always lying!

"Are you okay?" Allison said.

"I'm really tired of that question."

"Okay, fair. Um, but are you… do you get why we need you to stay in New York?"

"Because I'm useless," Ben muttered.

"No, because Five is especially worried about your safety," Allison said. "I mean, we all are, but I think he would really freak out if he thought you were stepping into the line of fire."

"But what about me?" Ben said. "I'm freaking out too!"

"I know, I'm sorry-"

"It's not fair."

"You're absolutely right," Allison said. "I wish things were different."

"Me too," Ben said.

Ben hugged his knees to his chest and waited for Allison to say something more. There had to be some kind of compromise, right? Something he hadn't thought of.

But she didn't say anything.

"So that's it?" Ben said. "I'm just supposed to stay out of the way while you and Luther save Five?"

"Diego agreed to stay behind too," Allison pointed out.

"Because he thinks you're going to fail!"

"He's wrong," Allison said. "Please give us a chance to prove him wrong?"

"Fine," Ben said. "Then I guess I'm hanging up."

"Okay," Allison said. "We'll talk later."

"Fine."

After hanging up, Ben threw his phone against the wall.

Immediately, he picked it back up to see if it was broken, but the phone case had protected it.

For some reason, that pissed him off.

So then, impulsively, Ben opened the portal in his stomach and watched the Horror demolish the attic.

The tentacles writhed around in their usual incoherent frenzy, punching holes in the ceiling and shrieking, wailing with the uncontained fury and bloodlust that Ben had always hated.

But today?

Ben was screaming too.

---

"First, I want to make it clear that I'm not mad," Luther said. "You broke some stuff, but stuff is replaceable. It's okay."

They were in Dad's office again, but this time Ben was in trouble. It felt weird, like being at the principal's office.

Not that Ben had ever been to an actual school, but he'd read about them and this was the part where he would be threatened with expulsion.

"And I understand why you're upset," Luther continued. "I'm glad that you isolated yourself to… to do that. That you broke stuff instead of hurting someone."

Instead of being expelled, the protagonist would get suspended. Then they would have to spend a couple weeks in angsty solitude.

"Are you listening?" Luther said.

"Yeah," Ben mumbled.

Luther sighed. "Anyway, Vanya says it's healthy."

"Huh?" Ben said. "What's healthy?"

"Venting your anger," Luther said. "And we can fix the roof. There's no problem there. I just-"

"Wait, you already told Vanya?"

Luther rubbed his chin. "No. Did you not want me to tell her?"

Vanya would probably consider his tantrum relatable.

Ben shrugged. "You can tell her, I guess."

Luther clasped his hands together and frowned sternly. "Listen, even though I'm not mad I still wish you had picked a better place to let loose."

"A better place?"

"Ben, you could have been crushed."

"Oh. Right."

When he'd unleashed the Horror in the attic, the roof had sort of caved in a little.

"The Horror protects me though," Ben said. "I don't think it does it on purpose, but I'm always the safest person in the room when I use it."

"No you're not," Luther said.

"I'm not?"

Luther avoided his eyes. "You're not."

As if a bucket of ice had been dumped over his head, the chilling realization made Ben shudder: I died because of the Horror.

"You alright?" Luther said.

"Y-yeah."

"You died during a mission," everyone would say. They all refused to say anything more on the subject.

"There's gotta be a safer way, is all I'm saying," Luther continued. "Maybe you could have used a different outlet? Like Diego with the punching bag."

"I didn't think it through," Ben said. "I'm really sorry."

"It's okay," Luther said. "But I want to know you'll be smart about these things while I'm gone. Do you get where I'm coming from?"

"Yeah." Ben propped his elbows up on the desk, clasping his hands together the way Luther was doing. The gesture was grounding.

Why didn't you warn me?! Ben wanted to say. Why didn't I know?!

But he kept the questions to himself, for once.

Luther reached out with his huge hand, grasping both of Ben's in one palm.

"As soon as we've got Old Five you'll be the first person I call," Luther said. "And I'll keep calling. I'll keep you updated on every detail."

"I lost my phone," Ben mumbled.

"Then I'll…" Luther trailed off, tilting his head. "Did you hear that?"

Ben straightened up, straining his ears.

Was it Five's voice? He was probably yelling at someone.

"My hearing is still a little off," Ben said. "But I think I hear-"

"Ben!" Five was shouting his name. He sounded a lot closer now.

Ben and Luther both scrambled to their feet.

"I'm in here!" Ben called.

He strode toward the doors, but before he could pull them open Five teleported into the office and flung himself at Ben's back.

"There you are!" Five hugged him tightly, trembling.

"What's wrong?!" Ben tried to turn around to get a good look at him, but Five wouldn't budge.

"It wasn't real," Five said. "It wasn't real."

"What happened?" Luther said. "Did someone attack you?"

Five loosened his hold enough for Ben to finally turn around. Ben made sure to hug him back.

Five pressed his face against Ben's shoulder. "I wasn't attacked," he muttered.

"Then what happened?" Ben said.

He wished Five would let them see his face.

"We can help," Luther said. "Whatever scared you-"

"Hold on," Five said. "Wait a second."

Are you crying?! Ben desperately wanted to ask, but he knew it wasn't something he could bring up in front of Luther.

"Do you want to go to my room?" Ben said.

"Hold on." Five took a deep breath and tried to step away, but Ben tightened his hug. He didn't want to let Five go.

Five huffed and teleported on top of Dad's desk.

He cleared his throat and straightened out his shirt, turning to Luther. "Actually, it's good that you're here too."

Ben and Luther exchanged baffled looks.

"It is?" Luther said.

Five had fully composed himself. It was hard to believe he'd been freaking out just a second ago.

"I've decided I should tell you," Five said. "In case it wasn't a hallucination."

"Um." Luther was clearly at a loss. "Thank you?"

"Why would you be hallucinating?" Ben said.

Five shrugged. "That was my initial theory. But all theories are… well, they're theories."

"What did you see?" Luther said.

"The house was destroyed," Five said.

Ben winced. The roof looked pretty rough from the outside. "Sorry, that was me."

"What? No it wasn't." Five fidgeted on the desk, accidentally knocking off one of the folders.

Luther didn't seem to mind. He was focused on Five's previous distress. "Didn't you recognize the sounds the Horror makes? I know it's scary, but it really was just Ben."

Five shook his head. "I'm not talking about that. Jeez, I've heard the Horror plenty of times."

"Then what-"

"The house was completely destroyed," Five said. "Like, bulldozed and missing walls kind of destroyed."

That didn't make any sense.

Luther thought so too. "But the house is fine?"

"I know," Five said. "That's why I'm saying it might have been a hallucination."

"Did you fall asleep while working on your equations?" Ben said. "Maybe it was a nightmare."

Five pinched the bridge of his nose. "It was too vivid to be a nightmare."

"Okay," Luther said. "Well, let's try to think this through. You saw the house destroyed. Was it like a vision? Maybe it's a new power."

"It wasn't a vision," Five said. "I was there in the rubble. And everything was covered in ashes. As if there had been this enormous fire. A city wide fire. Or world wide, potentially."

Ben's eyes widened. "That sounds like…"

"Like the apocalypse, yeah." Five crossed his arms together. "So you see the problem?"

"You time traveled again?" Luther said. "Did you catch the date while you were there?"

"That's the thing," Five said. "I didn't."

"You didn't," Ben echoed.

"I was with Diego," Five said. "One second we're sparing in the training room and then all of a sudden he's gone and I'm buried under a ton of bricks."

Ben winced, his own near suffocation under plaster and wood still fresh on his mind.

But bricks were even worse.

"So I blinked outside," Five said. "And everything is decimated. There's no one around for miles."

"Wait a minute," Ben said. "How long were you there?"

"My watch was gone," Five said. "But I think it was a couple of hours."

Luther walked back around the desk and sat down heavily. "Shit."

Then, as an afterthought, Five added, "My clothes were different too. I was wearing a lot of leather. A hunting hat, Dad's old aviator goggles, stuff like that."

"We should tell the older Five," Ben said. "This could be bad."

"Or it was a hallucination," Five said. "Maybe I internalized those stories about the apocalypse."

"You said you were there for hours," Luther said.

Five shifted uncomfortably. "Maybe it just felt that way."

"How did you get back?" Ben said.

"I didn't do anything," Five said. "I wanted to get all the facts straight before I tried a time jump, so I was exploring. Trying to piece together what had happened."

"It just ended?" Luther said. "Everything randomly went back to normal?"

"Essentially," Five said. "One second I'm walking around this barren landscape, the next I'm in the middle of traffic."

Ben gasped. "You could have been run over!"

Five waved this off. "My reflexes are great, I teleported before I got hit."

"Five!" Diego's voice drifted in from the hallway. "Where the hell are you?!"

Five rubbed at his eyes. "Great, he's gonna think I ditched him."

"I'll tell him what happened," Luther said. "You want to take Ben and… and go cool off somewhere?"

Five glared at him. "Why would I need to cool off?"

Because you've been traumatized, Ben thought.

Diego started banging on the double doors. "I hear you in there!" he shouted. "Come out here, you little shit!"

"You know what?" Five said. "You're absolutely right, Luther. I should cool off before I murder that asshole."

"You have enough juice to carry me through a portal with you?" Ben asked.

"Of course." Five jumped off the desk and grabbed Ben by the elbow. "We can go to your room like you wanted."

"Right, thanks."

Having teleported with Five a handful of times already, Ben closed his eyes and braced himself for the disorientation.

"You can open your eyes," Five said. "We're already here."

Ben did so and watched Five gingerly stretch out on the bed.

"Did you get hurt?" Ben said. "You're moving kind of stiffly."

"No, I'm just tired," Five said. "I'm gonna take a nap."

"Can I nap with you?"

"It's your bed," Five grumbled. "Feel free."

Ben got into the bed with him and for once Five was the first one to reach out, throwing an arm around Ben's waist.

Ben tried to think of something reassuring to say, but corny lines like "I'll always be here." or "I'll protect you." felt disingenuous.

How could Ben protect him from a reality where no one existed? In the apocalypse, he would be as dead as everyone else.

"We'll figure this out," Ben finally said. "There has to be an explanation."

"Of course," Five said. "Don't worry, I'll start working on it after my nap."

"I'll help," Ben said. "We can work on it together?"

"Sure." Five gave him a reassuring squeeze, then hesitantly added, "Um, I love you."

"I love you too, Five."

Five nuzzled his head against Ben's neck and Ben was reminded of one of the cats at Cat Castle, who loved affection but only on her own terms. The orange tabby was unpredictable; when Ben tried to force a hug on her she would nimbly leap away, as indignant and offended as if he'd cursed her out.

But when she was in the mood for it, she would contentedly sleep on his lap, or rub her head against him with all the love she could muster.

And Ben knew it was the greatest privilege he would ever receive.

---

"I know you'll find this hard to believe," Five said. "But that glimpse at the Apocalypse was a good sign."

The younger Five had put his phone on speaker so Ben could listen in on their conversation.

"Elaborate," Young Five said.

In the end, Young Five didn't need to describe his experience to his elder. They'd both seen the same thing, at the same time. Albeit, from different sides of the continent.

"We were only there for a few hours," Old Five said. "I'll admit, I was alarmed. However, the timeline reverted itself with no action taken on my part."

"You say that like it's a good thing!" Young Five said. "I think that makes it creepier."

"It is a good thing," Old Five said. "It means the Commission fixed it."

"But what caused it?" Young Five said.

"Honestly? Also them, probably," Five said. "They must have poked around where they shouldn't have and triggered it."

"Wow," Ben said. "If that's true that's, um, that's alarming."

"No, it's very good," Five said. "Because they went out of their way to reverse it. This shows that they're invested in humanity. They want to see it flourish, or at least progress beyond its original expiration date."

"Expiration date?" Young Five said.

"Originally, the Commission allowed the world to end," Old Five explained. "They said it had to happen."

"Why?" Young Five said.

"I don't know."

"Why would they change their minds, then?"

"They didn't," Old Five said. "The people who made that decision were killed and the surviving employees have reshaped the organization. I'd hoped for an altruistic outlook from them, but it's nice to see it confirmed."

Ben latched onto this bit of news like a fish to a hook. "If they're good now, doesn't that mean they won't want to bother you?"

The younger Five next to him sighed, as if he already knew what his doppelganger's response would be.

"Not necessarily," Old Five said. "What's good for humanity isn't automatically good for me. The opposite is more likely."

Ben sagged. "Oh."

"Here's what I want to know," Young Five said. "Will this happen again? If it does, what should I do if they don't or can't fix it?"

"Good question," Old Five said. "If it happens again you should wait at least two nights to make sure it really is permanent. Otherwise you'll be time traveling for no reason and our siblings will be alarmed by your disappearance."

Ben gulped.

"Alright," Young Five said. "And you'll do the same?"

"Yes," Five said. "I also think, if those two nights pass us by, that we should stay together."

"Together?" Young Five said. "We couldn't be farther apart."

"I mean we should stay in the same year," Old Five said. "We'll have to go backwards, obviously, but we should pick a mutual meeting ground. A time where technology is advanced enough for us to easily communicate from a distance."

"But after 2002," Young Five said. "I'd hate to deal with three of us."

"Of course."

"And before 2006," Ben added. "So that you can come home and get help from me and everyone?"

But especially me, Ben thought. He hated the idea that either of the Fives might go home while he wasn't there to see them.

Five gave his shoulder a squeeze, "Sure."

Over the phone, the older Five was silent.

"Between 2002 and 2006," Young Five said. "I won't budge on that."

"Alright," Old Five said. "2005, then."

"Month?"

"Give me some time to review the probabilities," Old Five said.

"No," Young Five said. "For all I know, we'll get shunted back to the Apocalypse at any second. We need to establish a rendezvous now."

"It's not like you have the precision to control what month you would land in," Old Five said. "I bet you can't even control the year."

"Pot meet kettle!" Young Five snapped.

"I'm going to send you a briefcase," Old Five said. "That'll take time too, so-"

"Shut up," Young Five said. "Just pick a month."

This whole conversation is giving me a heart attack, Ben thought. Any second now I'm going to faint like a victorian character.

"Then you pick," Old Five said. "Since it's arbitrary."

"Fine," Young Five said. "March, 2005."

"It's settled," Old Five said. "But I don't think we need to worry."

"Yeah, yeah." Young Five nudged Ben. "Is there anything you want to add?"

Ben shook his head.

"We're done, then," Young Five said. "You can go back to whatever you were doing."

"Alright," Old Five said. "But I meant what I said. This is a really good sign. An overall net positive."

"That remains to be seen," Young Five said.

"Fair enough," Old Five said. "So are you hanging up, or should I?"

"I'll do it," Young Five said. "Bye."

"Bye, Five," Ben added. "Um, I love you."

For some reason, it was harder to get those words out with the older Five.

"I love you too," Old Five said. "Stay safe."

And the younger Five hung up with a huff.

"That guy is such an asshole!" Five burst out.

"He is?" Ben said.

"He's a condescending prick," Five seethed.

Ben laughed. "That's exactly how everyone who talks to you feels. To either of you."

"Shit." Five glared at him. "But I'm nice to you."

"You are nice to me," Ben agreed. "And I love you for it."

Five sighed. "I love you too."

"Sorry," Ben said. "Are you frustrated?"

"Aren't you?"

"Well, yeah," Ben said. "But I'm also kind of happy?"

Because you're hilariously adorable, Ben thought, but he knew he couldn't say that.

Five frowned at him, puzzled.

"Sorry," Ben said. "My moods have been all over the place."

"You're not high or anything, right?" Five said. "Klaus is always high and he goes from manic laughter to dramatic sulking at the drop of a hat."

"No, I'm just… a lot has happened."

"Whatever," Five said. "I'm going back to bed and I'm not getting up unless the world ends."

"You're joking," Ben said. "You just took a nap."

Five threw his hands up. "I'm taking another one! Sue me, kick me, smother me with your books, whatever you do I refuse to leave this bed for the foreseeable future."

And Five pulled the comforter over his head to emphasize his point.

Ben smiled at his antics. The way Five usually spoke made it hard to remember, but he really was a kid.

"Okay," Ben said. "While you're sleeping, is it okay if I read out loud?"

"Yes," Five said, emphatically.

---

As promised, Luther kept him updated on the situation with Old Five. But he had to call through Young Five's phone because the cat phone case had not protected Ben's from the destructive force of the Horror.

Young Five gave him privacy for the call though and Ben paced around the cluttered ballroom while listening to Luther's description of events.

"So they thought I was abusing him," Luther said. "I couldn't even blame them. From their point of view they see this poor kid running for his life and then they see me chasing after him…"

"That sucks though," Ben said. "They shouldn't judge you just because you're big."

"Anyway, the paramedics said he had symptoms of oxygen deprivation," Luther said. "He was also dehydrated and overall exhausted, so of course he passed out."

"Did they take him to a hospital?" Ben said.

"Allison wouldn't let them," Luther said. "She was paranoid that the authorities would be called. She said the whole incident would look really bad and that we might lose him for good. Like, we would be considered child abusers and never be allowed to have custody of him."

"So she Rumored the paramedics?"

"She Rumored everybody," Luther said. "Like, she did a sort of 'this never happened' kind of blanket rumor. So that none of them would remember Five or be worried about him."

"Damn," Ben said. "But is Five okay?"

"She made Patrick take a look at him."

"Who?"

"Claire's dad."

"Oh."

"And she put Five in a sort of trance," Luther said. "It kept him awake but sort of zoned out? The whole thing made me really nervous, but she said she had to do it so they could make sure he didn't have a concussion and make him drink gatorade and stuff like that."

"Is Claire's dad a doctor?"

"Sort of."

"Sort of?"

"He's a dentist."

"That doesn't count!"

"Dentists learn the medical basics," Luther said. "So he checked Five out. Said Five doesn't have a concussion. His health isn't in jeopardy or anything. He was just really, really tired and he needed electrolytes and… and sleep."

"So he's asleep right now?"

"Yeah," Luther said. "Allison is keeping an eye on him. We've been taking turns."

"That's good." Still pacing around the ballroom, Ben nearly tripped over something and bent down to examine it. It was a weird belt looking thing, with a cylinder sticking out of it.

Luther kept talking, but Ben was thoroughly distracted by this mysterious finding. He examined the cylinder and realized it was a type of dildo.

A strap on! Groooooss.

"Klaus is disgusting!"

"Huh?"

"All his stupid junk in the ballroom," Ben said. "He's such a pervert."

"Oh," Luther said. "Do you want me to tell him to clear it out?"

"Even if you do, it's not like he would," Ben said. "And this stuff is too gross to be touched. I need to burn it with fire."

"Please don't set the house on fire," Luther said.

"Fiiine."

"Anyway, there's something else," Luther said. "Something… big."

"What is it?"

"Before I tell you," Luther said. "you need to know that not even Allison knows this yet. Five says he wants to break it to her carefully. Or, uh, ask her carefully. So you can't tell anyone else yet, because the situation is, uh, it's delicate."

"Then why are you telling me first?"

"Because I said I would keep you updated," Luther said. "This isn't a secret, by the way, we're going to tell everyone. We'll have a family meeting, but they get hectic and you don't always get the chance to talk during them, so I wanted to give you a head start? So that you can process the situation."

"Thanks," Ben said. "Okay, I won't tell anyone until the family meeting."

"I would appreciate it," Luther said. "So Five has a theory. About the paradox."

"Okay…"

"He says the biggest problem is his memory," Luther said. "He says that, most of the time, it isn't a big deal if there are differences. Like how we all remember that you died even though you didn't die? And he said Mom even saw how our memories changed."

"Yeah, she told me about that."

"Five calls it the Mandela Effect," Luther said. "It's a time traveler thing."

"Okaaaay," Ben said. "What's the problem, then?"

"So the thing is," Luther said. "Memories are the foundation of the ego. The, uh, identity of a person."

"I'm with you so far."

"Most memories are small and losing them isn't a big deal," Luther said. "Or even if they're big, like how it was really big when we lost you, if the replacement memory is similar enough to the lost memory then the individual stays the same. That's why we're all the same even though Five saved you. He, uh, he maintained our continuity by doing things the way he did."

Ben frowned.

"Still with me?" Luther said.

"I think so."

"Okay," Luther said. "So the reason there's a paradox is because we prevented the Apocalypse. When we did that we broke Five's continuity."

"What does that mean?"

"It means that there's not enough in common between both of the Fives," Luther said. "Since young Five is going to grow up more normally. His psychology is going to be different than the older Five's."

"But what does that mean?" Ben's voice cracked. "Is… is Five going to die?"

"No, no, no," Luther said. "He's not going to die."

"Then what's going to happen?"

"He thinks the Commission will want to fix it," Luther said. "But he says they might be giving him the chance to fix it himself? That's his new theory."

"How is he going to fix it himself?"

"He's going to ask Allison to give him amnesia."

"What?"

"I know," Luther said. "I'm sorry."

"You know? What do you know?!"

"I know how you feel," Luther said. "It's horrible, because it means he'll be… he'll be sort of gone. But he won't be gone! He'll be safe."

"She won't do it," Ben said. "There's no way she'll do it."

"I hope she will," Luther said.

"How could you want that?!"

"Because he deserves a second chance!" Luther said. "After everything he's been through he deserves a healthy life. I didn't like the idea at first, but I've had some time to think about it-"

"Fuck you!" Ben said. "We can give him a healthy life without erasing him!"

"Can we?" Luther said. "There are things about the older Five that you don't know, Ben. Things you haven't seen."

"What things?"

"He was alone for such a long time," Luther said. "It changed him. It hurt him."

"But he's fine now," Ben said, desperately. "He's… he's…"

"It didn't really click for me until I saw the younger Five," Luther said. "Then I was able to see the differences."

"That's just because the older Five grew up!" Ben said. "He matured and he-"

"He talks to himself," Luther said. "He hears voices, Ben."

She wasn't real and I know she wasn't real, Five had said. But she felt real.

"So?" Ben said. "Is that so wrong?"

"Diego thinks he's an alcoholic," Luther said. "Vanya says he has PTSD."

"You could say the same things about Klaus!" Ben said. "We going to erase him too?"

"It's not just that," Luther said. "It's hard to explain, but Five is very… he has a hard time relating to people? He tries, but talking to him is like…"

Talking to real people feels like speaking a foreign language.

"But…" Ben floundered for an excuse, a way to contradict what Luther was saying, but instead his stupid brain was coming up with examples that supported Luther's assessment.

"At the end of the day," Luther said. "it's between Five and Allison. Whatever they decide to do, I'm going to support it."

"I'm not going to support it," Ben said.

"That's okay," Luther said. "You don't have to, but-"

"I've heard enough," Ben said. "I think I want to hang up now."

"Okay," Luther said. "Will you keep this to yourself for a little bit? Can you do that?"

"I said I would."

"Alright," Luther said. "Thank you."

"Goodbye."

"Good-"

Ben hung up.

---

The family meeting was more chaotic than usual, but for once Diego wasn't doing the yelling.

It was Klaus and Old Five.

"I'll go to the future with you!" Klaus shouted. "And so will Ben, won't you Ben?"

Before Ben could answer, Old Five was cussing Klaus out. Then he said, "The future was never an option, you moron! The other Five will still be there, there will still be two of us!"

Allison and Luther were no longer visible on screen. Ben didn't know if they had walked away or if they were still sitting next to Five, but Five had leaned into the frame. "I only said that to calm Diego down!"

"You little bastard!" Klaus shrieked. "You conniving little bastard!"

Ben glanced at Diego, but he wasn't reacting. He was just sitting there, looking dazed.

Vanya tried to say something, but Ben couldn't hear her. Neither Five nor Klaus took notice.

"This is the only way to solve it!" Five said.

The younger Five had already left the room. Ben wasn't surprised when Vanya finally stood up and walked out, too.

"No," Klaus said. "No!"

"Yes," Five said. "I don't fit anymore. Five Hargreeves has a different life now. A better life."

"You are Five Hargreeves!"

"Not anymore," Five said. "I'm like a mutation."

"No, you aren't!"

Ben put his head in his hands.

"I. Do. Not. Belong," Five said. "It's math."

"It's bullshit!"

"You're bullshit!"

They kept on like that for what felt like hours. Until Luther took the laptop away from Old Five.

"This is all very upsetting," Luther said. "I understand that."

"Fuck you!" Klaus said.

"But I think-"

"Shut up," Diego said. "You can't fix this with a fucking pep talk."

"You're right," Luther said. "I'm sorry."

"Where's Allison?" Diego said. "I want to talk to her."

"She stepped out," Luther said. "She needed a breather."

Old Five wasn't visible on the screen, but they could hear him when he said, "Where's Vanya?"

"She stepped out," Klaus said, mockingly. "She needed a breather. Fucking women, am I right?"

"Shut up, man," Diego said.

"Can we have a vote?" Ben said. "Because I vote no."

"Great idea!" Klaus said. "I second that vote!"

"We can't do that," Luther said.

"Let us count the fucking vote," Klaus said. "Diego? What say you?"

"It's no, obviously," Diego said.

"That's three for no!" Klaus did an exaggerated fist bump. "We just need one more for a majority."

"Klaus," Luther said, gently. "Allison already agreed to do it."

"Too bad!" Klaus said. "We're gonna vote her down!"

"There's no point, Luther," Old Five said. "You can't reason with Klaus, he's thick as a brick and twice as stupid."

"How can I be twice as stupid when the brick in question isn't sentient?" Klaus said. "Or is this a special brick?"

"Um," Luther said. "Five left."

"Of course he did," Diego said. "Asshole."

Ben decided he should leave too, but when he tried to quietly sneak out of the room, Klaus latched onto his arm.

"No, no, no," Klaus said. "You don't get to abandon me too."

"I'm going to call Five," Ben said. "I'll talk him out of it."

"You can't talk him out of anything," Diego said. "He's a stubborn little shit."

"I can try, can't I?" Ben glared between the two of them. "I'm going to try."

Diego sighed. "Let him go, Klaus."

Instead of doing as he was told, Klaus pulled Ben into a hug. "I need comfort," he said. "I need huggles."

Ben sighed and gave Klaus a squeeze, rubbing comforting circles on his back.

"I'll give you all the fucking hugs you want," Diego said. "Let him go."

"Ben is better at hugs!" Klaus said.

"Fuck you," Diego said. "I give great hugs."

"When's the last time you hugged me?" Klaus said. "You barely tolerate it when I hug you, you're almost as bad as Five!"

They kept bickering, but Klaus finally let Ben go.

"Actually, can I borrow someone's phone?" Ben said. "Mine is still broken."

Diego gave him a phone. "I'll get you a new one," he said. "But you can keep mine for now."

"Thanks."

Diego gave him a gruff nod, then turned back to the laptop. Luther was still there, quietly watching them.

Before Diego could address him, Klaus physically pulled him onto the couch and stretched out on top of him. "I'm going to teach you the intricacies of platonic cuddling!"

Normally, these kinds of antics would be the highlight of the day. Ben would giggle, or join in, or take a photo.

But it was impossible to smile today, so instead Ben shook his head and headed for the ballroom.

---

"How many hours do you want to waste this way?" Five said. "We can argue until we're blue in the face, but I won't budge."

"But what if you're wrong?" Ben said. "What then?"

"That's a risk I have to take."

"I hate you so much right now," Ben said.

"So be it."

"What'll you even do, afterwards?" Ben said. "Will you go to school? Like, a regular high school? Will you… will you stay with Allison?"

"I'll stay with Allison," Five said. "I don't think public education would suit me. I'll create my own curriculum, of sorts. Much like my young counterpart."

"Oh, he's still studying stuff?"

"Of course he is," Five said. "That's one thing we have in common, at least. An unquenchable thirst to know more. To know everything there is."

"What if you lose that?" Ben said. "What if the new you doesn't care?"

"I'll retain my fundamental personality," Five said. "I'll still be the same person."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes," Five said. "I'm sure."

"But what if-"

"Ben," Five said. "I don't want to fight anymore."

Ben pulled his knees up to his chest and hugged them, blinking back tears. "O-okay."

"I don't have a lot of time," Five said. "There are a few things I have to take care of before Allison Rumors me."

"Okay."

"But I'm going to call you again," Five said. "I'm going to call you everyday, do you understand?"

"I think so," Ben said.

"Good," Five said. "I love you."

"I love you too," Ben said.

"Will you do something for me?" Five said.

"What is it?"

"Will you check on Vanya?" Five said. "She's not always… stable."

"I'll check on her," Ben said. "Actually, maybe I'll spend the night at her apartment tonight? Me, her, and the younger Five. Do you think she'd let us do that?"

"No harm in asking," Five said. "I think it's a good idea."

"Then I'll ask her."

"That's good," Five said. "You need to take care of each other, alright? This applies to everyone, but especially Vanya."

"I get it," Ben said. "Don't worry."

"Okay," Five said. "I'm… I have to go."

"Goodbye," Ben said.

"Bye."

First Ben double checked the phone, to make sure Five had really hung up.

Then he curled in on himself, and allowed himself to cry.

---

This was the last phone call. The knowledge made Ben self-conscious of every word. He struggled to speak because of it. What could he say with so little time? Everything felt like a waste.

"It's not the last," Five said. "We'll have many more phone calls between us."

"It's the last with you," Ben insisted. "You won't be you anymore, after this."

"In any case," Five said. "It'll finally be safe for you to visit."

Ben straightened. "Really?"

"Yes," Five said. "You can come over here whenever you want. For as long as you want. Allison wanted me to emphasize that point. She says she misses you."

"I miss her too."

"Hell, she practically invited you to live here permanently," Five said. "But I told her you couldn't do that."

An invisible knife twisted in Ben's gut, because he knew Five was right. The younger Five needed him here and so did Vanya. So did everyone.

But so did the other Five. So did Allison.

It was like being torn in half.

"You still with me?" Five said.

"I'm here," Ben said. "Sorry."

"No need to be sorry," Five said.

"How much time is left?"

"Don't be conscious of it."

"How can I not be conscious of it?" Ben said. "It's like you're trying to nonchalantly drink a cup of coffee while running up a downwards escalator."

"I like that metaphor," Five said. "It's a good one."

Ben groaned. "I feel so stupid! I can't think of anything good to say!"

"Hmm," Five said. "Déjà vu."

"Huh? Why?"

"You've said that before," Five said. "When you were a ghost."

"I did?"

"You were always hyper-conscious of the passage of time," Five said. "Because Klaus couldn't maintain your form for longer than two hours. You felt rushed to say something meaningful while I could see you, but the pressure got to you. You would flounder."

"That's really depressing," Ben said.

"I know."

"Hey, am I different now?" Ben said. "Klaus is kind of… sometimes he seems really disappointed in me. I think it's because he can feel the difference. Like I'm not the right Ben."

"You're still the same person," Five said. "The difference is just a handful of memories."

"Um, more like several years of memories," Ben said. "And isn't it similar to what happened to you? Like… like I lost my continuity."

"Don't let Klaus's expectations color your self-perception," Five said. "You're not missing anything. You're you. You're already you. And you always will be."

Ben sighed. "Sure."

"I'm serious."

"I know… thanks."

"Sometimes I wish you could see the world the way I do," Five said. "But there are also times when I wonder… maybe the problem is me."

"Oh my god," Ben said. "You're killing me."

"Pardon?"

"I'm going to cry," Ben said, sniffling. "I'm… I'm crying!"

The damn had broken once again and Ben was left to deal with the tears and the snot and the goddamn mess.

"I'm sorry," Five said. "Ben? I'm sorry, I didn't mean to-"

"There's nothing wrong with you!" Ben said. "There was never anything wrong with you!"

"I believe you," Five said. "I shouldn't have said that."

"It's for the vault. We'll keep that, right? Will we lose the vault?"

"We won't lose the vault," Five said. "You'll just have to explain it to me."

"I'm going to make Luther buy me a plane ticket," Ben said. "I'm going over there and I'm going to hug you and I'm going to explain the vault."

"Thank you," Five said. "I'd like that."

"Do we still have time?" Ben said.

"We still have time," Five said. "You can say anything. It doesn't have to be meaningful, just say anything you need to say. It'll… it'll really go into a vault this time."

Ouch.

"Ben?" Five said. "Shit. Maybe I shouldn't have said that."

"It's okay," Ben said. "It's fine. I love you."

"I love you too," Five said. "And I'll still love you, no matter what I remember. Do you believe me?"

"I believe you," Ben lied.

They kept talking, and Ben decided to fill the vault with more lies like that. Because he didn't want this vault. He didn't want a permanent one.

Then they had to hang up.

And Five was gone.