I encounter Mike the next day before the club meeting. He pulled me aside immediately after my last class, gripping my arm hard. He pulls me around the corner from the hall outside the classroom, to a secluded place where no-one could hear us. However a few people walked past us and snicker, remembering what happened last year. Mike notices, and rolls his eyes. He turns to me, an angry glare in his eyes.

"How have you not told them what you did? They deserve to know."

"It's not as easy as it sounds, Mike." I respond, a little too non-chalantly. He grabs my collar and slams me against the wall behind the stairs. Hard. "Ow!"

"Oh yeah? Why?" He growls. "Because you're worried they might feel betrayed? Turn their back on you?" He spits on the ground. "Abandon you? Make you feel like pure shit and leave you for dead? Doesn't that sound awfully familiar?" He snarls sarcastically.

I swallow. It takes me a full minute before I get to speak again. My emotions jump up and drop down like an upset frog. I just feel a mixture of fear, anxiety, dread, and mostly guilt. I can't look him in the eye anymore, and he notices it. He says nothing, but harumphs. He drops me and dusts his hands off on his pants non-chalantly. Finally, I speak.

"I'm different. You're different. We both know that. But we still remember everything. So please, give me some time to try and work out what the fuck is going on!" My voice raises, but only slightly. People are starting to manoeuvre around the stairs, and we look around frantically. I lower my voice to a whisper. "Look, I have been planning to tell them, I just need time to be ready. And... I need you to support me. I know Sayori will trust me if you do, and then the others will follow suit."

He just nods. "Agreed. Anyway we better get to the club." He checks his watch, which read about 10 minutes before the club was due to start. "You go ahead, and I'll catch up. It'll make it look like we weren't together."

I nod in agreement. As I start to walk up the stairs, I stop and look back at him. He's sitting down at the bench under the stairs, muttering to himself something I can't hear. He seems downcast. I mutter a curse under my breath. I'm frustrated. Mostly at myself. I shake my head and continue to walk up the stairs to the clubroom. Opening the classroom door, I can already hear Sayori's cheery voice coming from one of the front desks. Yuri is in the corner, sipping a mug of tea and reading her book. The tea has a strong smell of jasmine that wafts under my nose as I walk by, making my eyes water. Natsuki is sorting through different volumes of manga, examining the covers with slight concern. Sayori is the first to greet me.

"Hey Monika!" She giggles and gives me a big hug. "How are you? You look really pretty today!"

I blink. "Well thank you, Sayori! I'm doing pretty good today. How about you? Nice to see you guys are all early today." I smile, pretending the events that transpired earlier never happened.

"I feel great! I managed to sneak a nap in my last class hehehe." Sayori giggled bashfully.

I want to scold her for that, but the look on her face is just too adorable. Too... innocent. I decide not to shatter it, and instead enjoy it. For now.

"I'm well also." Yuri says from behind her book. She slowly puts it down and takes a sip of her tea. Her eyes are red, it looks like she didn't get much sleep last night. I wonder why that is. I look over at Natsuki, who appears to be in the same way. I decide not to press for answers, as they might just not be wearing any makeup. Besides, it's their personal lives. Mike suddenly walks in. I immediately walk over to him, a big, sweet smile on my face.

"Hi again, Mike! Glad to see you didn't run away on us, ahaha!" I giggle, trying to make the mood between us light.

"Haha yeah." He laughs awkwardly, not buying it. "This might feel a little strange for me, but I at least keep my word."

"Thanks for keeping your promise, Mike." Yuri says quietly, immediately making a beeline for him. "I hope this isn't too overwhelming of a commitment for you." She pauses and swallows, then continues. "Diving headfirst into literature when you're not accustomed to it." She trails off on the last word.

"Oh come on!" Natsuki pipes up, she too making a beeline for him.

"Hoo boy." I mutter quietly to myself. This is where it all started. Where it all turned to shit. Thanks to me and my selfish ass.

"Like he deserves any slack!" Natsuki says indignantly. Mike just rolls his eyes. He has heard this all before after all. "Sayori told me you didn't even want to join any clubs this year." She and Mike shoot a quick glance at Sayori, who turns away, embarrassed. "And last year too!" Natsuki pokes Mike.

"Hey!" Mike brushes himself off.

"I don't know if you plan to just come here and hang out or what..." Natsuki continues her spiel as if nothing happened. I roll my eyes. Yuri is tapping her foot, clearly waiting politely to interject on Natsuki's rudeness. "But if you don't take us seriously, you won't hear the end of it!" She steps back with a big grin on her face, as if she won some argument. Her rudeness irritates me slightly, so I use this gap to intervene.

"Natsuki, you certainly have a big mouth for someone who keeps her manga collection in the clubroom." I say matter-of-factly. Mike shoots me a look. Yuri chuckles slighty. Sayori looks horrified. Natsuki though, looks very ready to throw hands. She's so flustered she can barely speak.

"M-M-M!" Natsuki finds herself stuck between saying manga and Monika. She finally chooses. "MANGA IS LITERATURE!" Swiftly defeated, she angrily storms off back into the closet, idling herself with the manga volumes she was examining earlier. Poor child. She needs to learn to grow up. I should just change-

"NO." I tell myself. I'm ashamed that I would even think of doing something so despicable. That's not like me. That's not who I am. I'm different now.

Right?