Chapter Twenty. Shaken, not stirred

Over the time, I had come around to face my worst fears and judgements. Out of all that one of them was the tendency to lie to myself about my sentiments. Falsely claimed to be more rational than emotional, I used to make decisions based on how logical a choice might seem.

That was until I crossed my path with Draco Malfoy. Uncontrollably, inevitably and irresistibly.

Then, before I realized it, I had fallen for him. Instead of a gradually process, it was more like a sudden awakening. It was as if the seeds were buried long ago and with a miraculous and mysterious trigger, it sprouted out of control.

And from the very moment the flower of that plant bloomed, I finally shed off my denial and stayed in reality, where without a doubt, that I loved him, more than I knew how much I was capable of loving someone.

So, when that man stared right into my eyes with the look I couldn't comprehend and sounded nearly accusatory, I was naturally distraught.

"Yes," I answered without flinching, "Of course."

Something in his grey eyes lit up before it dimmed again. Confused and anxious, I asked:

"Don't you trust me?"

Instead of answering directly, he squinted: "Sometimes I wonder if you are still caught up in the Weasley scheme."

"I'm not sure I understood," I frowned, "I assure you that I have nothing to do with him anymore."

"I disagree," He said in a surprisingly harsh tone, "It's never that simple."

"There's no need to overcomplicate things," I began getting a little annoyed, not knowing where he was getting at, "If you are implying about my relations with my friends who also happen to be Ron's friends, then you don't need to worry. Lavender was just trying to talk to me about it. She thinks I should stay away. And I guess that's the wisest thing to do at this point."

Malfoy was quiet at first, then that quietness ceased, and he rose his eyebrow with half-amusement, half-anger.

"Did Brown say that to you?" He said coldly, "Under Weasley's instruction, I presume. No, I am sure. That woman is crazy over him for who knows why. She'll do anything he tells her to."

"Does it really matter if he told her to say so?" I sat down next to him and shrugged, "What if he's right? What if the best course of action is to leave all of them alone and go on my merry way?"

"Granger," He said broodingly. I hadn't heard him calling me by my last name for such a long time that I felt a shiver down my spine, I knew he must be serious, "You know I'd never tell you what to do because I believe you have the brains and the ability to think like a sane person. But what is this? Are you still trying to protect Weasley even this day?"

"What? Nonsense," I raised my voice but quickly kept it down after scanning around in worry of our conversation was being listened to, "Why the hell would I try to protect him?"

"Don't you see it?" He grabbed my shoulders. For a second I thought he was angry, but then he sighed and let me go, "I'm not sure if it's intentional or habitual, but you are blinded. Tell me, don't you like those people? Those who I can care less about, but somehow you managed to call them friends."

"Only Harry and Ginny, I'd say," I let out a bitter laugh, "I think you overestimated my ability to make friends, Malfoy. I guess in many others' eyes, I'm nothing but a nerd. A misfit of my own sort, but not the cool ones."

"You are one of best I've ever known," He smiled as he run his fingers through my hair, "Although I must say that many of those who I've come to know aren't the greatest ones. Hence, I can confidently say that we are in the same boat, but there's nothing wrong about keep it to ourselves."

I chuckled: "Sometimes I forget you have a sense of humor."

"Then you should remember from now on," He winkled before switching back to seriousness, "You shouldn't be the one who sacrifice all just to fulfill Weasley's fragile ego. We both know how incredibly cruel and belittling he is to you since the beginning of the school year, because he simply cannot accept the fact that you moved on and fell through his grasp, whether it be with me or anyone else."

"What can I do then?" I crossed my arms, "I don't want to argue anymore. All I want is for everyone to be content, not even happy, content is enough."

"This is a horrible thing coming from me, but perhaps you should consider confronting him."

He took a deep breath and swallowed. Then he tilted his head, signalling me to look outside the window. The ground was covered in fresh snow, the sun was bright with the light reflecting off the nearly pristine, white surface. Following the sets of footprints, I saw Ron, Lavender, Ginny and Harry in a distance, throwing snowballs at each other while attempting to build a snowman. A strange feeling rose in my stomach and I felt hurt, though I was in no place to claim the sense of betrayal I was feeling.

Wasn't it obvious I was replaced by Lavender?

That was me a long while ago, that could've been me still and that should've been me if it was up to others.

But I didn't want to be there. Despite everything and my tumbling emotions, I didn't want to be there. I was exactly where I desired to be. Here, with Draco Malfoy, the boy I used to hate for years and years on end.

I looked back inside and met eyes with Malfoy, he seemed concerned and unsure what to say.

"Malfoy, I want you to remember," I smiled gently and moved closer to him, "I love you. And I can't imagine a life without you. Be it the game of fate, but I know for a fact that you are the only one for me."

"Likewise," He smiled and said softly as he pulled me into his arms.

"We need to go," I said quietly as I let him run his fingers through my hair, "This is not the place for us."

"I'm sorry," He whispered.

"What for?" I lifted my chin up in confusion.

"This used to be the place for you," He didn't look at me, instead, he turned to look outside the window again.

"You know what?" I curled my lips, "I don't think so. Although I convinced myself once upon a time how this is the most accepting place, and how I should be grateful to be surrounded by the most wonderful people, I now beg to differ."

"What made you say that?" He looked back at me, continued to run his fingers through my hair.

"I think my definition of belongingness have changed," I smiled faintly, "When I was younger, I believed I have to be perfect. Perfect in school, be friend the best people, or at least what most others would perceive as the best. I thought I had it all. I have the highest grade in every class, and I'm one of the best friends of the famous Harry Potter. What else could I ask for?"

"And then what changed?" He asked softly.

"Perspective," I answered, leaned my forehead against his shoulder, "After the war, I did a lot of thinking. For once I decided to live for myself, and not only to meet others' expectations and perceptions. It was insanely difficult, but I had to do it. This sounds ridiculous, irresponsible and a bit cliché, but I want to be happy. I want to do what makes me happy, and not what others think that would make me happy. Life is too short and unpredictable to live and thrive on others' opinions. "

"I think what you said is perfectly reasonable," Malfoy said. He gently put his hand on my back.

"Thank you," I continued, "And that was the reason I broke it off with Ron. It was one of the most difficult decisions I've ever made in my life. But staying in that relationship was very taxing, too taxing, to the point I no longer recognize who I am when I looked into the mirror. I knew I had to leave, or I will be chained. Even with all this drama follow suit, I'm glad I did what I did."

"I'm glad too," He patted my back, "Or we won't be where we are presently. And I certainly hope you feel you are in a better place now."

"I am, I have you now," I looked up and smiled at him, "Not in my wildest dream I thought I'd lean on and pour my heart out to you, Malfoy, but fate has its ways."

He smiled back at me as I brushed my head against his cheek.

Then I heard the door open, with giggling and the dusting snow of the jackets, those who I didn't necessary want to see at this moment showed up.

Harry and Ginny said hi to Malfoy and me in polite and friendly tones, while Ron avoided eye contact and attempted to drag Lavender straight upstairs.

"Ron, wait," As if something gotten into me, at that split second, I stood up and called for the red-haired boy whose shadow had been haunting me.

"Can I help you?" He said annoyedly, didn't appear to be more surprised than anyone else in the room.

Something hurt me in the way he said that line. Like we were strangers, and he was bothered because I simply decided to speak to him.

"Don't you think we need to talk?" I said in the most civil way I could manage.

"About?" He walked back down from the set of stairs, and Lavender followed with a worried look on her pale complexion. Ron, on the other hand, acted like he was completely oblivious about the situation, "I don't see there's anything that needs to be talked about."

"I think it's better if we speak alone," I tried to smile but failed miserably.

"Just spit it out here," He said in a monotone, "Unless you have something to hide."

I heard Malfoy sneer. I turned around to signal him to behave. He shook his head, crossed his arms and glared at Ron without saying a word.

"Alright. I have nothing to hide," I said calmly to the best of my ability, "If someone has something to hide, then it's you."

"Just get to your point," He sounded agitated.

I almost felt bad for Harry and Ginny, they clearly didn't want to be caught in this and I knew that they were desperately wanted to find and excuse to leave. Almost felt bad, but in all honestly, I didn't. Not to the slightest.

"Hey, um," Ginny spoke before I could, "Harry and I supposed to help mom do some chores, so we got to get going."

I heard Malfoy sneer again.

"Don't act like you are turning a blind eye," Malfoy said in a dragged, cold tone, "You two have obviously and undeniably chosen your sides. What's the point of going into hiding now?"

"It would be nice if you don't stir the pot, Malfoy," Harry pushed his glasses up.

"Stir?" Malfoy scorned. With his eyebrow rose, he said, "I'd say it's shaken, not stirred."

Out of all the catchy lines I told him from the movies, this was the one he remembered.

Draco Malfoy once again proved he had some sense of humor, perhaps not the best, but better than none.