It ate away at her inside. She knew they had been just trying to protect her, and if they truly knew how spot on their instincts had been they would probably no longer allow her out of her own home and would likely check in her to a hospital. But she couldn't back down now… not before she'd put all the dominoes in place, and made sure everyone she cared for was taken care. And she definitely couldn't allow herself to be sidelined when it was clear that only her powers seemed to get rid of these youmas. She had to hang in there. For her friends… for her planet!
She took a taxi up to the mountain cabin where the outers were staying thankful that she had enough fare to pay for the whole trip. Normally she would've transformed and run or flown there but she couldn't risk the inner scouts tracking her and to be frank expending her moon power energy for no justifiable cause right now would just accelerate her already deteriorating condition. The drive took a little over an hour. When she arrived at the door Hotaru welcomed her with open arms.
"I was hoping you would come, Usagi. Setsuna's making me hot cocoa. You want some?" Hotaru asked.
Usagi nodded. "That sounds like heaven in a cup. Yes, please."
Haruka pulled her aside. "Not that we don't all love seeing you, kitten. But something tells me this isn't just a social visit. Wanna let me in on why you're here?"
Usagi stepped forward and into Haruka's warm embrace. A place she always felt comforted.
"You've always been a perceptive one, Haruka," said Usagi eyes filling with tears as she leaned onto her shoulder. "I'll fill you in soon I promise. Can I just sit with you all and have the hot cocoa. It sounds so comforting right now."
Haruka was taken aback never having the princess hug her so suddenly unless it was directly after a battle. "Sure… but… something happened didn't it. You have to tell me," she said having trouble keeping her temper in check.
Michiru glided over and gently touched Usagi's head stroking her hair. "Our princess is tired and needs some warming up. Let's give her time to do so, and I'm sure she will open up to us soon," she said, guiding Usagi to the dining room.
Usagi sat with the outers in silence sipping her hot cocoa. Hotaru broke the silences explaining about all the cool constellations she was able to see from this elevation and the history behind each and every star she'd seen. Her long explanations caused Hotaru to grow tired and Setsuna took her off to bed after a spell.
Haruka tenderly touched Usagi's hand pulling her out of a daze. "Are you ready now, Ktten? Please, tell us what happened."
Usagi nodded, "Hai… it's Rei… she's gone…"
Usagi couldn't continue now as her body convulsed in full body sobs. She'd been holding back her heartbreak of the incident from earlier all this time and could no longer keep it in. "The inners… Mamoru… and Seiya… they betrayed me. They left me out of the fight and I couldn't help. So many innocent lives lost and Rei… It's all so… so senseless."
Haruka was seething pacing the room back and forth. "Those silly girls… how could they? I mean I guess I expect that of them… but Mamoru? Seiya? So reckless!"
"I know! Haruka… Michiru.. can I count on you as my outer guardians. You may watch over and protect me… but I must fight. I'm powering up soon I can feel it," Usagi lied again continuing the line of thinking set into motion the other night. She hated lying but she needed to a little longer. "I just need to be present for the fights. The world is depending on us. Please…"
"We promise," said Haruka and Michiru together.
"As do I," said Setsuna returning from putting Hotaru to bed. Though Setsuna was uneasy about this situation she couldn't put a finger on why. She'd been to the time gates. Everything looked in order. But this whole situation was odd. It's like she was trying to figure out a math equation without having all the necessary information.
"One thing, Princess, if you don't mind," said Setsuna. "Stay out of sight until it's absolutely necessary ok? I'm weary of this Queen Bellona - we don't know enough about her. It makes me nervous. Ok?"
Usagi nodded. That sounded fair. And if she could just come out for the final blow it would no doubt help to preserve her energy and not provoke her condition as much.
"It's late Usagi," said Michiru. "Why don't you get some rest. Who knows when the next attack will come. We should all be ready."
Usagi nodded as Michiru helped her settle into one of the guest rooms. They always lived in such luxury. She had her own private bathroom with tub and helped herself to a steamy bath. After the bath she smoothed on lavender lotion and a fuzzy pink robe and relaxed into a deep, cushioned recliner.
Usagi turned back on her phone that she'd purposely turned off hours ago. As suspect she'd had at least a dozen missed calls and messages.
She called Mamoru first who answered immediately.
"Usako… I'm so sorry. About Rei. About everything. You know I only did it because I love you more than life itself and I'm worried about you," said Mamoru.
Usagi nodded softly sobbing into her robe. "I know, I know. If the roles were reversed… and they have been… I … I just love you so much," replied Usagi, remembering the times when she thought Mamoru had died and had left her forever but that she'd been forced to move on without the life of her life. Her chest felt tight making it hard to breathe. She was just trying to spare Mamoru that worry, that pain… she didn't wish it on her worst enemy.
"I love you too Usako. Tell Haruka to take good care of you tonight? Will you come to my place tomorrow? Please? This bed is so empty without you."
Usagi smirked, "I think I can work something out. And I feel the same… I look forward to the day when I can sleep with you every night." I hope there's still hope for that day, she thought to herself.
After she hung up she called Seiya. She couldn't go to bed on bad terms with him either.
Seiya answered immediately as well. "Sis… I was so worried. It hit me you might go roof jumping but minutes too late I think and I couldn't keep up. I'm so sorry. My first chance to solidify our sibling bond and I go and blow it big time. Hey - are you really ok?"
Usagi was taken aback by the love and foresight Seiya showed. She couldn't lie to him. WIth him she wanted to be an open book. She'd only him as a brother for a day. But already he was starting to feel like her other half.
"Seiya… I … I wish we'd had more time together. I wish we could've grown up together in one of our lives. It's so nice having a brother… a twin," replied Usagi. "But of course, that's not answering your question. To answer it more fully, there is something wrong with this human body. It's not confirmed but the doctor thinks it's pediatric cardiomyopathy, but I have some time, and they might able to fix this."
Usagi heard silence on the other side followed by the familiar sound of heaving breaths and large sobs.
"Seiya, it's ok… see, this is why I didn't want to tell anyone. I'm t hurting you. Oh Seiya. I'm ok really. I have at least a few years left, and doctors these days are amazing. They can fix this," said Usagi, but deep down she understood. She wasn't like other girls. She was Sailor Moon and every fight was weakening her.
Seiya took in a deep breath gaining his composure. "Usagi, you can't hide this anymore. We have to tell the others, especially Mamoru. We'll figure something out. Ok? I'll be by your side."
"Ok, but it has to be on my terms ok. And you have to let me help with this monster. You can shield me right, from attacks? Haruka and Michiru don't know I'm sick, but they've agreed to help protect me too during the next battle. I promise I won't fight until I'm needed ok?"
"I don't like it. But I also know that I can't talk you out of it," replied Seiya. "Also, something tells me that all of this is the reason I was called to come to earth now and that helping you is the right thing to do. I just hope Mamoru doesn't ring my neck fore keeping this from him. The guy was just starting to like me."
With her brother and lover both knowing where she was Usagi felt semi at ease for the night. She took in deep breaths her nostrils filled with the aroma of sweet lavender and allowed herself to ease into a deep restful sleep.