I really enjoyed writing the cute interactions in this chapter. Enjoy.
Guest: Haha. Yes, it doth!
Old Ghosts
"This is stupid," Emma grumbled for the tenth time.
"It's your birthday. It's not stupid, dear." Regina replied with forced patience.
The blonde huffed and looked at herself in the mirror. "It just doesn't feel right… celebrating something like this when there's so much we need to be doing right now."
Regina approached her wife from behind and locked eyes with the blonde through the full-length mirror. "I know there is much for us to do at present, but I am perfectly capable of organising an informal birthday dinner for my… friend." To look busy, she began fussing with the outfit Emma had picked out for their journey. It was the same one the blonde had chosen to wear her first day as a married woman. The brunette admired the sharper definition of muscle beneath the leather while she wondered if there was any significance to the choice. "The outer reaches of the kingdom annex Abigail's borders, so we may as well visit. And while we are there partaking of our friend's hospitality, celebrating your twenty-first birthday will be… efficient," she explained calmly. She saw a hint of shadow behind green eyes and thought she knew what was really bothering the blonde. "We have to eat and rest, dear. It won't take any time away from the investigation, and once we've solved this crisis and your mother is back to her usual, annoying self, I will invite your parents to a celebration in your honour."
Emma turned to face the brunette. "Okay. I hope you're right. You know I'm not one for balls and parties usually, but it will be nice to dance with my dad again. I haven't done that since our wedding."
"Perhaps you will also save a dance for me?" Regina wondered before she could stop the words tumbling from her mouth. She prepared herself for an awkward rejection but instead heard a light chuckle and felt the quick press of lips against her cheek.
"Besides my dad, there is no one I would rather spend my evening with. I'd say dancing with you is guaranteed."
A moment passed where Regina just stared at the blonde and it was only when a shy smile crossed Emma's lips that she suspected the presence of a rather supercilious grin on her own face. Horrified at this lapse of control, she dropped her hands from where they'd been playing with her necklace and excused herself by going to check on her father.
Emma watched her go until the door clicked shut behind her. She sighed and closed her eyes, letting her imagination replay the moment. It was happening more frequently; the normal movements of daily life were becoming ever more interwoven with long stares and fleeting touches, which were driving the young queen to distraction.
Emma thought back to the first two years of marriage and recalled her initial awkwardness as she tried to figure out what Regina expected of her; the joys and humiliations as she set about learning how to run the kingdom with her wife; and the slow but strong friendship that had grown between them. She recalled looks and touching then too, but not with this intensity or depth of feeling. Back then, lust had lightened the dark queen's gaze, while Emma's (more often than not) had shied away with embarrassment. Two long years had coloured Regina's carnal desires with warmth of feeling, and allowed Emma's passions to stir.
It had seemed certain that their relationship would take a turn towards the physical. With her dreams increasingly full of kisses and her waking hours spent admiring, it would not have taken long before she gathered the courage to slip from her bed one night and cross the short length of corridor between her room and her wife's.
But then the troubles with Snow's kingdom began and the lustful stares stopped. It was as if, in reminding Regina of her former enemy, she began to see Emma not as an individual but as a product of her parents and another piece to be fought over.
Their recent reconciliation and renewed closeness were welcome changes from the almost continuous struggles of the past year, but Emma had noticed a significant difference in the way her wife looked at her now; with more longing apparently came more hesitation. Something… some fear… was holding the sorceress back and Emma knew that she needed to be particular with how she treated her wife at this time. With no frame of reference for what might work though, she was stuck with hoping that time and patience would help. It had worked in her favour after all.
Regina was back to her composed, impenetrable self by the time they were packed and ready for their journey. She sat astride her mare, looking impeccably put together in her favourite tailored jacket and leather trousers, her eyes offering only the barest hint of amusement as Emma floundered slightly under her gaze. Once the blonde was settled in the saddle, Regina gave the command and followed their lead guards from the castle towards the forest, whose trees were fast gaining colour with the light of dawn. Having foregone the luxury of a carriage, they were able to make better time and reached the far edges of their land by mid-afternoon.
The last village before the border was aptly named, Queen's Rest. Emma had seen old maps of the area and knew that the name was relatively new, but when she'd tried to question her wife, all Regina would say was that the people who lived there were foolishly sentimental. It hadn't escaped the blonde's notice that the villagers were subtly attentive and never failed to anticipate their queen's wishes. She couldn't help but wonder what had inspired such loyalty.
Emma kept pace beside her wife, enjoying every moment of their welcome into the village. One of her secret pleasures on these visits was to watch the way Regina handled her people… Their people.
The dark queen was ever professional, her expression giving little away, but Emma had grown used to the signs of emotion that simmered constantly behind brown orbs. She saw the concern when there were problems to be addressed; pride when there was good news to be had; bone-deep longing when children braved their queen's imposing gaze to offer something of themselves – a personal triumph or trinkets made specifically for the monarch during their skills training.
Friendly greetings were offered to Emma too, but not as wholeheartedly and the difference always put her in mind of her first tour of her wife's kingdom...
Six months passed before the newly married couple managed to travel as far as their most distant homestead. Through late autumn and winter, instead of her usual journey across the land, Regina made time to teach her young wife everything that Emma needed to know about her kingdom, leaving her most trusted advisors to make the trip in her stead.
"Is there nothing you wish to ask me? Nothing you wish to know of my expectations?" the dark queen asked Emma over dinner at the end of their first full day together. Snow and Charming were gone and the future stretched on before them.
Emma hesitated and met her wife's gaze. It was the very question that had tormented her for the last twelve months. "Beyond today. As Queen's consort, what do you expect of me? What will my duties entail?"
Regina gestured for Emma to continue to eat and outlined the changes she'd made in her kingdom over most of the last two decades. She explained the system of education that she'd introduced for children and adults to find vocations best suited to their talents – how skilled craftsmen were provided to pass on their knowledge wherever people were interested in learning, and how she relocated families to neighbouring villages when demand for learning outstripped supply of skilled teachers.
She explained the system of justice and the difficulties in maintaining balance, emphasising her intolerance of certain crimes and the harsher punishments she met out personally. She explained the defence towers in each village and the garrisons which supplied varying levels of protection, from seasoned and highly trained soldiers, to casual 'muscle for hire'.
When Emma could eat no more, they walked up to the fourth floor and stood looking out of one of the vast windows which lined the corridor.
"That way," Regina pointed directly past their gates, "beyond the forest, lies the first of my kingdom's homesteads, Wood End. Beyond that, a half dozen more. They continue to grow and the task of managing them becomes more onerous with each passing day. To begin with, I expect you to learn all you can about the upkeep of such an enterprise. Eventually, you will take on more responsibilities, until the workload is equal. I will not tolerate a lazy wife who lives only for frivolity," she warned.
"I understand." It was more than Emma could have hoped for. A purpose beyond the role of 'pretty possession' or 'broodmare'. "What about my mother's people?"
Regina's gaze settled on the blonde in surprise and not a small amount of distaste. "They are her responsibility. Surely, Snow White has managed to spread happy endings to all?" she sneered. "Trouble in paradise?"
The animosity in the brunette's voice took Emma by surprise, though perhaps it shouldn't have; the dark queen's amiable demeanour took a downward turn each time the White queen was anywhere close by. "No," she answered stubbornly, not wanting to admit to the disruption she'd left behind.
Regina rounded on the young queen and levelled a hard stare her way. "Do not lie to me," she demanded with a dangerous intensity that would make most people soil themselves. "I may not be able to set foot on your mother's land, but I am more than capable of gathering information. Her people have lived in poverty for far too long."
Emma's hackles rose at the insult. Her mother was a good person who loved the people and would never intentionally hurt anybody. "You are the one who burned their homes and livelihoods!" she accused.
The dark queen's eyebrow rose at the anger in her wife's tone. She couldn't dispute the allegation but a lot had changed since then. Either way, it wasn't Emma's fault that her battle with Snow had caused so much damage and she softened her words again. "True, but a year or two should have been ample time for them to bounce back, with the right support from their queen. I accept no blame after that."
Once more caught off guard by the swift change, Emma scowled lightly at the vista and allowed those words to sink in. They had already discussed her keeping in contact with her parents and visiting occasionally. If Regina had no intention of helping, then she would simply have to continue as she had before her marriage. In the meantime, she would hold on to the hope that her parents had enough information to take care of the problems without her. Since it seemed like the topic was non-negotiable, she returned her focus to their conversation. "When do we ride out?"
"Not until spring," Regina replied, glad to have talk of Snow out of the way. "You have a lot to learn before then…"
Spring arrived and with a head full of new information, Emma rode out with Regina on the first of many visits. Over eight weeks, they saddled up and journeyed further and further from their home to meet and greet with their subjects. Everyone treated Regina with reverence and respect, not one of them showing fear or uncertainty in her presence, but not all treated Emma with the same openness and for the first time in her life, the blonde felt criticism for being Snow White's child. She considered the possibility that their dislike was due to the dark queen's lies about Snow when she began hunting the White princess for treason, but according to her mother, none of the peasants had believed a word of it. No, it had to be something that ran deeper and she wondered what their lives had been like under her grandfather's rule. 'One day,' she thought, 'I might be brave enough to ask Regina about this.'
Whatever the reason, distrust shone from more than one pair of eyes and Emma realised fairly quickly that she was going to have to earn the respect of these people – it wasn't going to be given to her on a silver platter as it had been most of her life.
Three years had opened her eyes to so many things. These visits provided yet more evidence of the failings of the White kingdom. Emma saw now what her childhood home had lacked and she desperately wanted her parents to see it too. Now that sinister forces were suspected to be moving behind her mother's throne, Emma had hope that one day soon, when the darkness had been defeated once more, she could invite her parents to visit and educate them on what happiness looked like for the masses, but first they had to find out who was pulling the strings.
When they reached the centre of the village, both queens dismounted outside of a longhouse and handed their reins off to one of their escorts. Emma followed her wife inside and gratefully accepted the refreshments that were offered. Unlike what Princess Emma had been used to on visits to villages, these people had food to spare and prided themselves on catering to any guest. Knowing that her wife wouldn't take anything for herself other than water, she picked out several baked goods that she knew they would both like and sat the plate between them as they took their respective seats at a large table.
Regina eyed the offering and shot a raised eyebrow at her wife. "No thank you, dear," she answered the unspoken question and pushed the plate away from her.
"One won't kill you, Regina," Emma whispered back. She picked up a small pie and took a bite from it, being careful not to shove it in her mouth too quickly, as had become her habit at home. They were still waiting for everyone to be seated, so she didn't think their quite tete-a-tete would do any harm. "They're really very good."
"I've already eaten and I wouldn't want to spoil my appetite for your birthday celebration later," the dark queen protested.
Emma's mouth worked rapidly around the food and she swallowed with a large gulp of water. "We ate four hours ago when we stopped for a break. I doubt we'll have our next meal for another two or three hours. Do you really want your stomach to start growling while we're discussing our plans here?"
Regina's eyes narrowed with playful mischief and turned so that her face was inches from Emma's. "It wouldn't dare," she stated emphatically.
The blonde queen's throat tingled with some unknown force and her gaze flicked between the brunette's eyes and lips. She swallowed with difficulty and chuckled through her sudden nervousness. "Of course, stomachs too bow down to your will." Turning her head slightly, so that her words could find a path directly to her wife's ear, she lowered her voice further, "Don't think that I'm above feeding you in front of all these people. Stop being stubborn, Regina and eat the damned pastry. Treat yourself for once." Returning her attention to the people now all seated around the table, she pushed the plate non-too-subtly back across the divide.
"Fine." Regina rolled her eyes and picked up the smallest morsel that she found before popping it daintily into her mouth. The flavours burst on her tongue and she made a quick mental note to order more for their journey home, but other than some careful chewing, her expression barely changed. "Satisfied?"
A triumphant and insufferable expression crossed the blonde's face. She had seen the spark of surprise and enjoyment in dark eyes and knew that she had won this battle. "Absolutely."
"Gentlemen and ladies," Regina began as she ignored Emma's silent celebration. "My wife and I are here today to discuss the potential threat against our kingdom and the progress of preparations thus far. Does anybody have anything they would like to add before we begin?" Three hands rose into the air and kicked off the meeting.
As the furthest line of defence from the castle, Queen's Rest had the honour of hosting the largest of Regina's deployed forces and were in the best position to offer up to date information on their neighbours. She employed more soldiers than any other kingdom, but because the majority also worked as labourers, it wasn't always obvious to outsiders that they were so well fortified. Some might have thought it a happy coincidence, but over the years, the dark queen had seen the potential for growth in more areas than one and knew that if she ever was attacked, the element of surprise was not something to be underappreciated.
This was also the reason that her kingdom could boast (if it so chose) the highest number of spies. Many circulated amongst her own people, giving the queen a truer picture of her people's grievances than her advisors were sometimes willing to admit, but a few were reserved for foreign affairs. Unknown to all except the dark queen, one sat at the table and she was particularly keen to hear what the woman had to say.
"Your majesties, some of the bandits terrorising Snow's villagers are the same ones that plagued your lands years ago," the fiery redhead told the queens from her position half way down the table. "On my recent return from trading at the market in King George's kingdom, I visited a tavern and recognised some of the men there."
"Did you hear anything important from them?" Queen Emma asked as she sat forward in her chair.
"They were talking about delivering a package to the castle. A package that was apparently picked up on the road between Snow's land and your castle, your majesties."
"Thank you, Astra," Queen Regina responded to the information, knowing that she would get a fuller update of that conversation later. "Any other news?"
A young man further down the table stood with his hat in his hands. He bowed clumsily and it wasn't immediately apparent why he was there until an older man across from him offered a smile of encouragement and said, 'just repeat what you told us'. "Your majesties," he began, copying all who'd already spoken. "I was born on Queen Snow's land, in a place called, Thistle Mist."
"I know it," Emma interjected with an element of childish excitement in her tone. "It's not an hour's ride from my mother's castle."
"Yes, Queen Emma. I remember your family's visits there, and your mother's generosity." His eyes passed over the dark queen and he quickly looked away, fearful of what he might find in her gaze.
"How did you come to live on this side of the border?" Queen Regina enquired evenly.
Eased by the lack of fireballs, the young man continued, "My father crossed the border from your kingdom on your order, your majesty, when you wanted to test the barrier," he told the ex-Evil Queen. "He took refuge in the first village he came to and eventually met my mother there. They moved further south, further from your kingdom, after they were married."
Regina felt her wife's curious gaze but didn't turn to look. She dreaded seeing Emma's reaction to what she guessed was coming. "Was your father a travelling merchant twenty-one years ago by any chance?"
The young man ducked his head. "Yes, your majesty."
"What is your father's name?"
A panicked look crossed the man's eyes and he swallowed visibly. "Gabriel."
"And your name?"
"C-Carlos."
"Meaning 'free-man'," Regina replied, surprising most with her ready knowledge. "Very apt. Does your father still live, Carlos?"
Again, he swallowed and worried the hat in his hands – a gesture that the dark queen was very familiar with. "Y-yes, your majesty."
Regina 'hmm-ed' to herself before seeming to remember something. "I distracted you from the point of your story, please continue."
"I… Yes," Carlos stuttered. "M-my mother passed away last winter. She was sick, but we had no means to pay for medicine and not enough food to keep her strong. Father had wanted to cross the border to ask for help from people he'd known, but mother said it was too dangerous." He hesitated slightly, his gaze pausing on Queen Emma. "Since our princess' marriage, people who are caught trying to leave Queen Snow's kingdom are severely punished. Father and I only managed it because he knew how to avoid the roads. Many more are desperate to follow our example though."
Regina nodded and thanked him. She chanced a look at her wife and found glassy eyes heavy with anger. In an impulsive gesture, she found Emma's hand with her own and squeezed it gently. Turning back to the story-teller, she asked, "Carlos, is it your desire to get justice for your mother's unnecessary death?"
What had been a nervous and unsure demeanour, suddenly gained strength from some inner source. "Yes, your majesty."
"Please, show my captain to where you are staying," the dark queen requested. "I will come and speak with you and your father when I am done here."
Captain Briggs escorted the man from the long house, leaving the room in tense silence as they all absorbed the unthinkable; Snow White was letting her people die. If anyone had doubted the possibility of criminals and sinister elements in control of the White kingdom, they were fast losing that belief. As they waited for the meeting to resume however, they looked upon their queens and found reason to rejoice.
Queen Regina had yet to release her hold on Queen Emma's hand, offering silent support for what had to be devastating news to the former White princess. Faith and confidence in the stability of their own monarchy rose a notch; the two queens would find a way to rid both lands of this evil force.
Only when Emma seemed to have gotten over the shock of Carlos' story did Regina let go of her hand. Gathering her own wits, she addressed the room and began to give out orders, focussing on securing the roads in and out of her kingdom and reinforcing the strategic hideaways in the forest borders. Healers were to gather extra supplies for possible open conflict, food had to be preserved and properly stored in the event of a siege, and military training would be given to any person who wished to know how to defend themselves.
Just as everyone began to rise from their seats, Regina caught another look at her wife's forlorn expression and held them all back. "Before you leave, I want you all to remember to pass on a message to any of our subjects; my wife and I will support any household which is willing and able to take in refugees from Queen Snow's kingdom. To all of our soldiers, we wish you to do everything you can to help people trying to cross the border. From this moment, Snow's people… my wife's people… are our people."
If Regina had any concerns regarding her impulsive decision, she was gratified when there were no shouts of protest. If anything, there was a decided sense of relief and enthusiasm in the faces that left after those orders were given and the dark queen had to remind herself that hers and Snow's kingdoms had once been one vast land, where no border existed to separate families and friends. It just showed that no matter how far she thought she'd come; she still had a way to go.
The redhead hovered as the rest of the delegates disappeared, drawing a confused stare from Queen Emma. Regina spotted the brief exchange and smiled at her spy.
"That will be all for today, Astra. I will call on you tomorrow afternoon, when we pass through on our way home," she told the woman, who bowed her head and left the couple alone. "Emma," she continued as she turned to her wife. "I am going to speak with Carlos and his father now. Will you join me or would you prefer to wait with the men?"
Emma tensed, but there was no judgement in the brunette's tone, just genuine concern for how she must be feeling. "I will join you. I owe them that much."
Regina stopped the blonde from immediately leaving and waited for eye contact before saying, "Their tragedy is not your fault, Emma. If anything, I am to blame for not listening to you sooner."
The younger queen attempted a small smile. "The only people at fault here are the ones behind the sabotage on my mother's leadership. If I'm not allowed to feel guilty for this, then you aren't either."
The brunette's returning smile was pained. "I'm not so sure about that."
As they entered a small hut and found Carlos sat by a prone figure in a bed, the tension in the room climbed noticeably. The sorceress moved towards the bed but stopped when the young man stood and, trembling, blocked her path. She levelled a calm stare at him and gestured to the stool he'd been sitting on.
"May I?"
Carlos appeared at a loss for what to do in the face of her politeness, until a weak voice came from behind him.
"It's alright, son. Let her sit."
Regina looked at the tiny stool and thanked her lucky stars that she wasn't wearing a bulkier outfit before manoeuvring herself to sit. "We meet again," she began as she looked down at his weary face.
An expression of exhausted defiance crossed his face. Her appearance confused him; she looked nothing like the outraged, mad woman he'd encountered so many years ago; her eyes appeared warmer, less feral, and somehow, she seemed both older and younger than the last time they'd met. The serious, hard tone of her voice put him on edge though. "Yes, your majesty. Have you come to kill me?"
Regina could feel Emma's eyes on her again and she knew that she was going to have to explain a great many things to her wife before they arrived home. "Not today, I think. I believe that I have finally learned to direct my wrath at those who truly deserve it. You are the injured party here, not I." She registered the surprise in his gaze and averted hers to assess his condition. Now that she was looking at him closely, she felt a deeper concern fill her veins. "Is this how your wife looked before she died?"
The abrupt and straightforward question caught Gabriel off guard and he took a sudden breath before beginning to cough. His hand reached out blindly for a cup of water before one appeared as if by magic in front of him. Without ceremony, he was helped to sit up enough to drink and slowly, he managed to regain his breath. "Yes. Isabela died of this sickness."
The dark queen nodded and then turned abruptly to the blonde queen standing next to Carlos. "Emma, I want you to wait for me outside, please."
"What? Why?" Emma asked in confusion and annoyance, forgetting for a moment her royal façade. Did Regina think that she couldn't handle seeing someone so sick?
"I will explain later," Regina insisted gently. "But I need you to trust me now and do as I say." She met an irritated, green stare and didn't waver until her wife reluctantly nodded and left the hut. Her eyes turned back to the invalid and to his surprise, she placed a comforting hand on his shoulder. "I have seen this before, or something like it at least. It swept my lands some eighteen years ago. There was a small outbreak too a year ago. My healers will know what to do, but I must insist that you and your son stay here until the sickness is past. I will have the village marshal provide ample food and water until you are able to provide for yourselves again." Where her hand touched him, she focussed some of her energy on easing his discomfort and watched with a satisfied smile as his eyes rolled back in their sockets and his head lolled on the pillow.
Carlos darted towards the bed with renewed fire in his eyes. "What did you do? Father…!"
Regina stood abruptly and brought a hand up with a twisting motion to steal the panicked yell that she could sense bubbling inside of him. "He will heal better if he is able to sleep soundly. I have dulled some of his symptoms temporarily, that is all." She waited until her words sank in before removing the silencing spell.
"We cannot leave?" Carlos blurted in a whisper.
"No," she answered, her words accompanied by a stern glare at the younger man. "I will post a guard outside these premises to ensure that you do not leave and that no one enters other than the healer. It is for the village's safety."
Carlos still appeared startled but he gradually understood that the queen was going to try to help his father get better again and so he nodded. "I can work," he said quickly, almost desperately. "When I was a boy, father taught me how to sculpt wood and sometimes stone; it distracted us from the hunger. I kept up the craft. What I make might sell."
"I imagine it will keep you from climbing the walls also," the queen empathised, thinking of the long, dull hours spent in Leopold's castle. "I will see to it."
She left the hut and gave instructions to all of the appropriate people to ensure that both father and son got the care they needed, all the while ignoring Emma's barely controlled fidgeting by her side. It was testament to how curious the blonde was that she could forget her training. Later than intended, they mounted their horses and rode out to Queen Abigail's castle. The sorceress waited until Emma was riding alongside her before sighing.
"With all of the effort I put into persecuting your mother, I paid very little attention to the well-being of the common people," she began sombrely. "The kingdom was still whole and their loyalty lay mostly with Snow. Mother had told me to make them love me, but I really didn't know how to begin to do that. She had never really set a good example and after years of being married to the king and allowing my bitterness to grow into hatred, when they turned on me, I turned on them." Regina's gaze met Emma's, expecting to find criticism behind the blonde's usual warmth, but there was none. Other than the torments she had hinted at on their wedding night, she had never openly spoken about her time as Leopold's wife. She wasn't quite sure what made her so forthcoming now, except that Emma needed the truth of her muddied and desperate past to understand the metamorphosis of her kingdom.
Sensing the intimacy of the conversation, Captain Briggs gestured for his squad to disperse slightly and take up their watch from a distance. Having vetted all of his elite team himself, with approval from Queen Regina, he trusted their discretion and professionalism, but he guessed that much of what his queens were discussing was personal – idle gossip did not need much of a spark to set it aflame, and no one was infallible. With the royals distracted, it was also the guard's duty to be extra vigilant.
Out in the open, with Queen Abigail's castle on the horizon, daylight continued to light their way, but the sun made their shadows longer with each passing minute and it wouldn't be long before the despots of the night tried their luck. Though thieves rarely had the courage to tangle with the ex-Evil Queen, some were particularly stupid and/or daring. Complacency was not something they could afford.
Regina was a proficient enough rider that she barely needed to concentrate to keep her steed from veering off the path or slowing from their brisk walk. Sired by Ro, her new mare, Juno was every bit the thoroughbred the queen needed. Bracken happily kept pace with the chestnut beauty while their riders conversed.
"…The deal I made with Snow for your hand forced my life into a new direction. I realised that I couldn't just sit around for eighteen years, so managing the kingdom became my focus." She briefly recounted the chance meeting she'd had with the bandits and the role she'd playing in rescuing Astra and her mother. She explained how the politics and economics of ruling a kingdom had satisfied her need for control and order, rebuffing any attempt on Emma's behalf to paint her actions in an altruistic light.
"You could have turned the other way, Regina," Emma argued the point gently. "There was nothing stopping you from taking advantage of your own people, the same way someone is taking advantage of my mother's. Deny it all you like, but you enjoy seeing your people prosper rather than suffer. I think, despite your chequered history and your difficult experiences with love, you managed to find a way into the people's hearts in your own unique way. These are not the actions of a tyrant."
"It does not erase the pain I inflicted upon them. Many of these people have lost their loved ones because of me. No matter how many times your mother tries to say 'sorry', her regret can never bring Daniel back from the dead. If that is true for Snow, it is true also for me," Regina replied, her words hinting at a deep, lingering guilt that she so rarely acknowledged. "That man back there – Gabriel – he fled my kingdom because I failed to kill him. Had he not escaped; he would be dead and I would not have even remembered his face."
"But he lived and whether it's fate or coincidence, he survived and can give us information that we sorely need. Perhaps not for a want of trying, but you didn't kill him." Emma reminded the brunette. "Not everyone deserves to be forgiven, but forgiveness is a choice. Insanely difficult as it may be, it is still a choice. Perhaps, until you can find it within you to forgive my mother, you will not allow yourself to be forgiven."
Regina's eyebrow rose at the profound wisdom in those words. As much as her wife preferred duties which required her physical prowess, she was quite able to handle the academic side of their responsibilities too, but such insights were a reflection of character more than knowledge and intelligence, and for some reason, this pleased the dark sorceress more. That didn't mean she was prepared to concede the point. "Be that as it may, it bears little significance to our current conversation."
"I could argue that, but I know how stubborn you are," Emma replied, her tone light as she sent the brunette a half smile.
The sorceress rolled her eyes. "Do you want to know the rest or not?"
"Sorry," the younger queen replied, her smile widening at the characteristic irritation on her wife's face. "Continue."
Regina smothered a smile of her own as she thought back to the early years of ruling without the Evil Queen. So much of what she'd done at that time was driven by instinct and the need to distract her thoughts from sorrow and their murderous path. No matter how much Emma tried to put a different spin on her motivations, deep down she knew that they were mostly self-interested. "When I first began to make changes, it became clear early on that the citizens were in poor health. Infrastructure left by previous monarchs was in disrepair, trades were sparse and ill-suited and as a result, there was little money. The people were hungry and weak." She took a moment to assess the time they had remaining before reaching their destination and decided that they could afford a quicker pace. She urged Juno into a slightly faster walk and unconsciously checked their surroundings before turning back to Emma. "It didn't take long for things to pick up – I was driven, and desperate to occupy my waking hours with activity. Before the people were back up to full strength though, sickness swept the villages, killing the weak. No one was spared from its grasp. Had I taken better care of my people, there would not have been so many fatalities." At the time she had cared less for the loss of life and more for the loss of labourers, but as the years had flown by and she came to know many of the commoners personally, their losses weighed heavier on her mind.
Emma saw the far away gaze in her wife's eyes, which spoke once more of buried emotions, and she tried again to raise another point of view. "Had you not made an effort to improve their lot, there would have been more fatalities."
"I'm stubborn?" Regina huffed with fond exasperation.
"Just trying to show you that there is always more than one side to these things," Emma replied in defence. "Is that why you wanted me to leave the hut, so I didn't catch anything?"
"Yes," the sorceress nodded. "You are in good health, but it is best never to tempt fate." The second she had suspected that Gabriel's illness could be related to the outbreak she'd witnessed, she had feared for her wife's safety.
"What about you?" Emma frowned, unknowingly mirroring her wife's concerns.
Regina straightened and glanced at the blonde, wearing an expression which suggested that her years of experience gave her seniority. "It is my responsibility and since those who have suffered the sickness once are less likely to suffer it a second time, I am at less risk than you."
The blonde's mouth opened to respond with her usual argument, that they were equally responsible, but the brunette's latter words gave her pause. "You were sick?"
"Yes, and a very irascible patient I was, as you can no doubt imagine." The self-depreciating joke brought a real, heart-felt chuckle from the blonde and Regina felt her mood jump in response. Much as she relished the rush that came with their more heated disagreements sometimes, hearing Emma's laugh out-trumped it every time.
The road dipped into a curve around the far bank of a river and the riders knew that their journey for the day would soon be at an end. Not so distant now, the castle rose up from the land, its gold-topped turrets catching the fading sunlight and beckoning its guests closer. The company rode in comfortable silence for a few minutes, each queen lost to her own thoughts, processing everything they'd learned since leaving their home.
"How will we know if it's the same sickness?" Emma asked at last. "Snow's people are in worse condition than yours were, and with no hope of escape…"
Regina glanced at her wife with a raised eyebrow, wondering briefly if the young queen had meant to use her mother's name instead of the more familiar moniker between parent and child. "Time will tell. I'm not sure how much difference it will make though, to be honest," she added regretfully. "Any illness is going to have a profound effect on a starving population."
Emma lowered her head, acknowledging the truth of that statement. If they were going to save those people, they needed to act fast.