"I'm a book on a shelf, collecting dust all by myself

But I carry all the words you wrote

Though my spine may be bent, my binding may be spent

But there ain't nothing about you I don't know." - Back to the ground by The Crane Wives

Chapter 10: Learn to swim or drown trying.

"I'm sorry to inform you this Honyaku-san, Your father doesn't have much longer."

Sousuke sat down, head in his hands. His brown locks obscure his view though he couldn't bring himself to look beside the clunky wrinkle hand on his lap. He felt the tears trickle down his cheeks, matting into his hair, he could hear the soft beating of the machine beside him.

He didn't know what he should do now, why of all things, that this had to happen to him. He soon to lose his father, he choked at the thought. Gently arms wrapped themselves around him and found himself crying into them.

"It going to be okay, it's going to be okay," Angelia whispered to him, softly. "I'm here."

The next day, we had sat down and discussed Grandpa together. Sousuke told me stories about him growing up. What he was like and the things he had done together, there wasn't a lot he could've told me about him as a kid, Grandma had been the main one to raise him while Grandpa worked. He commented on how much Grandpa was a workaholic in his youth that seems to change quite a bit when he had adopted me, he still worked mad at the time but nothing like what Sousuke knew. He spoke of how Grandpa didn't know how to treat children; he had always been very uncomfortable around him until his teens.

"I was the exact opposite of you, Tyler." He wipes his eyes, they were red and raw from all the crying we had been doing. He kept his distance from me by sitting on opposite seats; he finally understood my discomfort with him. "I was a rowdy child, only Jon could keep me from making a mess."

I cringe at the name as I look down at my hands.

"Do you know where he might be now?" I questioned, I let my eyes flicker up to him to see his reaction.

He slumps back as he tugs at his shoulder-length hair, it was the first time he let it loose in my presence. He sighs and it rumbles with his chest as he stares off, seeming to be looking at nothing at all. "I… honestly don't know." He croaks it out like a frog, the words felt the strain and I knew that this has hurt him as much it did me.

I quickly change the subject back to Grandpa and together we share more stories and memories and we grieve together. Even if I'll never see Sousuke as a father, I doubt I could hate him forever either. The future was a long one and we had time to heal the wounds if he puts the effort in like he was doing now.

It was however never that easy.

I sigh as I sink further into the bath, slipping my shoulder under the scolding hot water, fog enraptures my eyesight and it enwraps itself around me like a warm watery blanket as I leaned my head against the side of the tub. My mind replays the earlier parts of the day as I comb my fingers through the bubbles multiplying on the surface of the water.

Just as quickly as he came back into my life, he had gone out the door. The promise tasted bitter to my lips as I had watched him leave the next day after our late night tears. His never-end of pleads that carry the words of "Sorry." and "I will be back soon, I promise." followed him out down the stairs and into the hallway.

I grip the top of my wet hair, remembering how he had ruffled it as he passed me as if the loving touch was enough for all of his inactive duties as a parent. It's never enough. A water droplet shimmies it way down my nose, dripping from the tip, plopping as it drooped downwards. The sound echo within my eardrums, all I could do is take a deep breath as the sound repeats itself. Drip, drip, plop, drip, drip, plop.

Then the door slammed shut. For just a moment the world paused for me alone, my eyes set against the wooden grains. His footsteps disappeared into the distance, the car door shutting, engine gearing up and wheels turning. He was gone as if he had never had been here in the first place.

Breathe, Breathe Tyler.

The staff bustled about doing their daily chores. Hikori slowly steps forward as he walked towards me with care as if I was an injured animal, that any harsh movement might have me fleeing the scene. I stood still as I looked at the doors for a couple of moments before I twisted around to face him.

My shoulders shook, shaking as I took a bubble of air into my lungs, trying to soothe my hurt with the gentle swishing of the water. It didn't help. It never helped.

He stopped, a frown marked on his face, and his eyebrows scrunched together. All I could feel was the sensation of my lungs filled with bitter laughter. Hikori eyes widen at the noise, surprised that if anything will leave my mouth, it wasn't that reaction he was expecting. I wiped my tears that were at the corner of my eyes and taken one deep breath before I looked back at Hikori, he seemed a little spooked by the last few moments and I almost had burst into laughter again for I had enough of crying.

I would never admit that I was feeling hurt to anyone.

"What is the plan today, Hikori?" I asked, took my steps away from the heavy set of doors. I dragged my feet until Hikori hooked his arm around my back and started to help me towards chores I needed to do before going back to school. Before going to some 'kind of' normal.

"Today, you need to finish the documents on..."He began to list today chores with ease as he took me away, and like any other day, I do them. Doing eased the hurt.

I splash water into my face, the water waking me from my wandering brain. I felt soft fingers grace my shoulder and I look up to see one of the maids, the water that once lay around me had long since grown cold. I couldn't help but think that time waits for no one.

The cane I had asked for has finally come in the post. It was nothing special like the one in grandpa's office; it was the most basic cane you could get. It was a burgundy wood with the curve of the handle on top, a rubber bottom, and just the right height for me. it felt nice to lean against and felt more comfortable than the clutches, especially now that my hip had healed a great amount in the last few weeks. I still was very unsteady and wobbly however I was nothing like I was when I first receive the injury. The idea of the cane was to hide the factor that I had been injured physically from my peers, I was going to use it as a form of grief instead. A little white lie that the cane had been Grandpa's and I had it cut down to size so I could keep a part of him with me.

Hikori thought the idea was good coverage, for now, the only person that will see through it will be Kyoya. I was not looking forward to going back to school due to certain factors, him being one of them. I would need to act, something I wasn't that good at. I knew that the two of my closest friends will see flaws in the said act and may start to question them. I just hope that doesn't become the case. I chew on my nails in thought, pondering how I can make them at least not corner me to answer them.

The mobile phone rang out loud, interrupting my thoughtful theories and making me jump from my seat, the pen in my other hand tumbles across the floor. I reach for it, the blaring name of my so-called father stare at me, I had to fight the urge to hang up or turn off my Nokia. I hope with time and healing, you may forgive them as you had done me many times in the past. I took a deep breath, grandpa words still ingrained into my brain as I finally pick up the call.

"Tyler! You picked... up...Brilliant!." He rambles, his tone seems overjoyed by my actions and I sigh. "Sorry I left you so quickly, something came up-"

"What did you call me about?" I interrupt, hating the usually pitless apologies.

"I called because I wanted you to come to a meeting, it is good for both of us and..." He rambles again, I felt like hanging up once more.

"Who's the meeting with?"

"Souh, his son is going to be there." He answers, a soft flickering of papers echoed from his end.

"Why them? we don't usually conduct business with them?"

"This is more a friends get together, the Souh's had been close friends of your Grandpa's and they wanted you to come as well." He explains, he begins to ramble again about how good this be for us as I think about if I want to even go. I pick through the sheets on my desk and look up to a photo frame one of the staff had found of Grandpa and Souh together, one of the few where he looked genuinely happy. I had it sit next to the picture of us together.

"Sure, I'll go," I say, and he cheers in reply. My lips tip upwards a bit as I eyed the photographs. I can do this, I can do this for Grandpa.

But first school.

I was once more back at school. it felt strange being back as I clutch the cane with my hand and walked along the halls. The accident, the funeral, and recovery felt almost like forever and no time at all. I was still nowhere back to being healed by his death, sadly, time waits for no one. Meaning that I could not escape having to re-enter the pink castle of every little kid's dreams.

I wander back into my classroom before class officially starts, their chatter quietens down as I walk in and eyes turn towards me. I try not to heed them, I was not that close to anyone in my class. Just like when I was little, I was still a loner type and I didn't go out of my way to make friends. The only peers that have spoken to me are due to group projects.

I catch eyes with Kyoya, I happen to notice the way his eyes flicker over the cane in my hand. He smirks and I try to return a shaky smile, concerned what he might have in store for me the next time we get to speak in private.

I gather a deep breath, relax my shaking nerves, and took my usual seat. Those around me began to talk once more and I felt my shoulders shag at the calming sound. I pull out my pencils and tools, my due in homework, and my class book, just with that my classes began like normal. As if I never truly been gone, that only in the last few weeks had been just a nightmare.

I had kept wishing that was so.

The bell rang for the Lunch period and a handful of feet stomp towards my desk, I quickly open a book and start slowly flickering through the page. Murmurs echo above me as I just gaze at the words in front of me and gulp. I never liked the attention. A hand gently pulls my book down, eyes all stare down at me as my shield is taken away by force. I gulp again.

"Yes?" I ask them. Their faces were ones I never learned for I have heard their mockery of the lower families in the past. I kept away to protect myself, never gave the chance to paint a picture of them. I knew how these rich kids viewed me.

"My family, the Yanai wanted to say that we are sorry for your loss," one spoke, the others nodded.

"My family, the Ito also wanted to send their condolences." Another said after. The others soon gather their words all around me, all sending their way of saying "sorry for your loss." their words felt so impersonal and empty when spoken to me.

I choke out thanks as I kept my head bowed and the book grip tightly between my pale fingers. Just stop, Just leave, anything but this. I beg internally as they spoke their words. Another stood before me, then another with similar words phrase differently. One after the other. I felt like it was an endless cycle to personally torment me within this life.

"I'm sorry-"

I remember the newspaper within his hand, the slight flicker of the papers rustled against each other as he turned the pages.

"Loss-"

The way he smiled, the way his skin crinkled along his lips, the way the corner of his eyes lifted upwards with a spark.

"My family-"

"Tyler," He murmured to me seated at the dining table. "I'm so, so sorry."

I drop my book, pushing my seat back with a resounding screeched. They all stopped, staring at me bewildered as I took one quick step to getaway. I felt stuck, trapped among blank faces as they steered their eyes into me. "I'm sorry," I mutter before rushing out of the classroom, I just couldn't take it anymore.

I found myself sitting atop the toilet seat, oddly felt ironic as I clutch my knees close to my body trying to breathe. The door swung back-and-throw, a body across me leaned against the sinks with their arms crossed. They didn't say a word as I tried to get my bearings back together, scramble some kind of sanity back within my water clog brain.

Once I settle with my own heart and all I could hear was my breath and the squeaking of the door. I slowly unravel my arms from my legs, stretching out as I found some courage to look up at the one who stood nearby.

Grey eyes flicker over me before looking to the side. "Feeling better Honyaku?" He asks, I bite the bottom of the lip as I look away as I nod.

"I think so," I answer softly.

We don't speak any other words as we stood awkwardly in the boys' toilets. I wish I could say I knew him in and out, but words and drawings are written across a page will never be exactly like the boy before me. The real person before me is so much more complex than what I could've ever known.

"Thank you," I whisper to him, surprised he still stood before me as I tried to hide away from everyone else. I had not even expected him to guard me while I was in this state. No one else had seemed to enter these toilets while I had tried to gather my pieces together.

He smirks, though it had a tin of softness to it. "What am I do with a very potential business partner such as-" He stops when he hears me laugh, something I have done a little too often this week. He doesn't say anything as I try to get my bearings back.

I bring myself back to my feet, still shaky, and my breath in a mess as I wipe away the tears still dribbling down my cheek. "Okay, sure, but if you want to be my future business partner, it will be you exclusively. No other Ootori." I told him once I caught my tongue. "Just, you." I bring my hand out, still, my hand shook as I look him in the eyes.

He clasps his own around mine as he smirks at me.

Water clasp it way up my legs, wrapping its hands around my ankles and nipping at my toes. I was and am stuck within the singular spot as the world kept turning forward. I found myself watching grass grow as tall as a tree, seasons change within seconds, watch as people came by and cut it down, as their hands built homes before my eyes.

No matter how much I wanted to reach out further than my arm length, the people in front of me were always a fingertip too far. They skip by, teasing as they brush past. They laugh, they cry and all I could do was observe them.

One grew up, always returning to me on the hill where the town great tree had grown, the children always saying that the tree was the way to the moon. I could almost see what they imagine it could do when they weave themselves on those branches. The child I had seen grown, share my eyes, my face. Their hair has outgrown and a skirt flowed within the wind.

An old man, one I knew so well, lay at the bottom of the tree slept resting the evening away. The girl with my face sat beside him, her hand wrapped around his as she hummed. It was squeaky and crocked but the man smiled as he woke up to it.

"Oh, Tyler." He spoke softly, his voice merely a whisper against the evening breeze. "I'm so sorry."

"What do you mean?" She asked. "Sorry for what Grandpa?"

He doesn't reply as he takes his hand away, he looks up at the tree. She gasps as she tries to reach for him, he shakes his head and she stops as tears fall from her eyes. "I love you, Grandpa," she whispers to him.

"I love you, Tyler." He replies, he reaches to ruffle her hair and stops himself. "You've grown up to be a better man than I ever could."

She begins to reply but all that left before her is dust, glittering under the sunlight as it circles and shimmers before completely fading away. She cries, out loud that bird wings flap as they escape from their confines and into the wind.

I wanted to reach out, to call to her, to tell her I was here. No matter how much I tug, I was trapped as something that can't be seen or heard nor could I leave the spot I was tied to. All I could do is watch her mourn into the night as she hugs the tree roots.

crunches of leaves and grass resound behind me, multiple feet and bodies shove passed me as they circle the sleeping girl, A tall lean person picks her up gently and with the surrounding group, they walk back down to their homes.

I try one last time to reach for the last person of the group, they grasp their hand around my wrist, and gemstone eyes stare back at me. On their other hand, they held the pink book, they offer it to me with a nudge and silent words.

I take it carefully from them, they smile before waving goodbye before following after the group home. I wrap my hands around the book and look back at the arrange of colour hairs, watching as they disappear out of view.

Once gone, I gather myself as I look back at the book. The cover held two characters, one brunette and the other with white hair back to back. They felt familiar, like the group before, like the one who gave me this book. I flip a page, reading the story within the pages, I stop midway when I realise what I had been reading. The book was slammed shut before I toss it away.

It sat a few feet away, staring back mockingly. I couldn't get it to throw it further, I couldn't do anything but watch the night move and change.

"You shouldn't be so scared of it, Tyler-Kun." A voice told me and I jump around to a small body sitting beside me.

"You're already a part of our story."

"If you woke and I was gone

From the house that we made our home

Would it bend you, break you, overtake your heart

Like it did my own?

And if I were someplace else

And if I were someplace else

And if I were someplace else, would this be easier?

The only peace I have ever know

Is the peace I made with you

I won't move, but I can't stay here

So what the hell am I supposed to do?" Easier by The Crane Wives.

Hey Guys, Sorry this took sooooooooo long, I've been busy with IRL like getting another job and moving back in with my folks after finishing uni. (I got my papers, so all is done! :D)

so been super busy the last few months, plus this chapter has been hell to get through, it had so many rewrites, shuffles omg you don't know it. ugh. Sorry for being shorter too but I have struggled to get anything down when I've had time to write. I still hope you're enjoying the progress of my silly story!

Plus THANK YOU SO MUCH, I was not expecting this much love for this messy story, the reviews follows, and favorites mean a lot. Thank you so many guys, it means an awfully a lot to me.

PS chapters might be slow to update due to being busy IRL, sorry for the long waits!

Chapter 9 Reviews replies:

Dally'sTUFF: Well, he both bad and good, cos he runs the business with his wife, they are very busy people. Plus with Tyler not originally making a fuss, he might've not noticed how alone Tyler was. He still not a brilliant father figure but how many are? It might be the brit in me, but Canes are so normal in my life here that I didn't think how that might translate to others. Oh many questions, maybe they'll get an answer, who knows. I hope you're doing well too! Plus Good vibes back!

TargetFailed: Oh they will happen more in the future soon, the stage is slowly being built together for them to be together.

Eliseblackcat: You are seeing this all from Tyler's point of view, so things like this can be limited. Maybe they did, maybe they didn't. Their stories may evolve as the chapters delve deeper.

Akari Wolf Princess: Tyler meeting the other host, will be fun, I can't wait when I can sit down and write about them all clashing soon! "You're the what man! speak!" Made me laugh, some things stay with the characters.

Kirkles: Your vote is appreciated. Thank you, I'm happy to see my own characters getting some love. Hope to see you around in future chapters!

Animie02fruit: You made me cry when I read this, I have never gotten such a nice review in my life. Tyler is my baby character and I guess it shows, her name has changed a lot over the years but she has always been my baby. I know this story has flaws, a lot of grammar errors and it will need some fixing which I hope to properly review once I have finished the story and make it sparkle. This story is my own mini passion project and your support and others help push me forward in writing this, thank you!

Mr Meowington: Thank you for your continuous support throughout the beginning, it does make my day when I see a review from you specifically. :)

I can sympathize with Sousoke, I can as well with Tyler, we all make mistakes, we all make the wrong moves and no one is perfect. This family is dysfunctional but they find their way that works, even if it not in the best interest of Tyler at times.

EddyValkyrie: English is my first language, just British English. I have, sadly, blindness to a lot of grammar and placing commas and periods. I have no professional training in this, so I am partly learning within my own time. I also used Grammarly for this chapter (Chapter 10) to see if that helps abit as well. I doubt that will fix it perfectly, since I'm doing this for free, I'm not going to spent money on a program for one story. Thank you for the suggestion though, it has been a handy app.

For Chapter 6- Partially Beta means Parts of the chapter have been beta'd not all of it, my beta saw the chapter before I posted it and had done it up a little, so of course, it will still have plenty of problems. If it had been finished being beta'd by my Beta, I would've said as such. Thank you for your feedback, I do appreciate it, just wanna say keep in mind, your reading in a sense draft 1 of the story. This is a mini passion project of my mine, I plan once it finished rewriting, fix the problems this version has, and create a story that hopefully many will come back to like a lot of fanfics I have found myself coming back to years later. :D

StarDust2Dust: Let me dry your tears and hug you.

Mitsuo the Universe jumper, DancesWithVulcans: Thank you!

NarutoFallenAngel123: Thank you, that is so sweet of you to say and I bet you can do it better than me soon! Yes, I'm continuing, just been busy IRL sorry!

LillyLovesManga: Tears are writers' success at conveying their story, thank you and here's that long-awaited update!