Story: Melancholia, Chapter 20

I'm sure y'all are wondering what's with all the updates, and I gotta say even I don't know hahaha! I'm finally back in school and won't be able to write again as much, so I've wanted to get in as much as I can!

Replies to Reviews:

Human race representative chapter 19 . 22m ago

When reading about Naruto's traumatic childhood, sexual abuse is something I've never seen being done before and I hope it actually has a significant effect on Naruto and his character because writers always try to make Naruto's life even more miserable than it already is in the original (for example Naruto getting chased down and beaten by an angry mob, although I don't remember if something like that was implied in the manga, correct me if I'm wrong) only for that to have no significant effect on Naruto's character or his personality and it's just there only for a little angsty effect and becomes irrelevant later on. Anyway, great chapter! I'm really looking forward to see where this all goes. Happy New Year!

Hi! I want to start my response off by saying I entirely agree with you! It really bugs me when authors bring in something like sexual assault or abuse and write it off as something that's just gone within days. I was actually sexually assaulted by a 40 year old man when I was 14/15, and he continued harassing me all the way to 21, and I blamed myself for so long over him and even now a certain part of me still feels responsible for "leading him on", and my grandmother even blamed me, which didn't help the situation at all(especially since my grandmother and mother aren't even on speaking terms anymore after that). I've had nightmares and ended up with PTSD because of him. So, as somebody who experienced this kind of thing first hand, I definitely don't plan on taking it lightly or writing it off as something that's just gone as a means to get two characters together or whatever. Because to me, it's not just unrealistic, but it's simplifying one of the worst traumas a person can have. I don't even think people understand how hard it can be for a person to truly be in a relationship after something like this. So even though this will be NaruSaku, I will also keep this into consideration as I'm writing their relationship, and base it majorly off of my own personal experiences.

Nextly, it's definitely true that there's not anything like this extreme in the manga(minus in chapter 1, there was a deleted scene with a riot of people insisting Naruto be killed(ignoring the third hokage's orders) after he stole the forbidden scroll, I can't imagine why it wasn't shown in the anime), but I kind of more or less started this as a vent thing, where each character has their own issues and stuff, where everything connects together. Issues like I'm bringing up don't just have an easy fix. They can take years to tackle and still not be completely gone, so yeah.

Thank you for the kind review and happy new years!

Camryn Kissel chapter 19 . 22h ago

Great Chapter. I don't like the Villagers because they are mean to Naruto. I hope they get punished for being mean to him. I am super excited for the next chapter. SASUKE is like a big Brother to Sakura and Nautro.

Punishment will come eventually! I'm glad you're enjoying this, and yes ;w; Sasuke playing the role of big brother is wonderful, you'll see more of that. ToT

Yuffie's Ninja Insanity chapter 19 . Jan 2

Yey this is so good! Thank you!

Glad you liked it! You're welcome! :D

Phoenixx Rising chapter 19 . Jan 5

This chapter was packed full! I'm glad Sakura told them. And yikes, Sasuke! Chill bud.
I'm really interested to see how mad he gets when he finds out about Naruto. He already suspects something bad happened, so it's not like he'll let it go. Well, unless he leaves. Which would be awful.
And I'm glad they are picking up on Sakura not eating. I bet Tsunade will no if she doesn't.
And goodness, my heart goes out to Kakashi. He doesn't even get to take care of himself. He needs some friend support, poor dude.
Anyway, can't wait for more!

Thanks! I'm glad you like it! And yeah, Sasuke's really upset right now, and I can't blame him, but he will get better! And boy he's gonna be PISSED when he finds out about what's been happening to Naruto. And don't worry. Sasuke's not gonna leave! Tsunade has already noticed something, just not voiced it. But with Sakura as her apprentice, she'll be able to monitor her diet and give her suggestions! And don't worry, I have plans for Kakashi. I also think building a bond between Iruka and Kakashi will be good too, for both of them, so yeah! Thanks again!

GunBlade2021 chapter 19 . Jan 3

Hi there

So Naruto's other situation is now known as well. I had a feeling it was something like this, especially during the mission he had.

Anyway, keep up the great writing and stay safe!

Yeah, Naruto's issues will be confronted in due time, I'm glad you've enjoyed it!

...

ONTO THE STORY~

...

Naruto hated hospitals. Well, to be fair, most people in their right mind didn't enjoy staying stuck in a room, staring at four white walls, for an extended period of time.

But for Naruto, it was detrimental and made him nothing short of anxious, allowing all the negative thoughts he ever dealt with on a day to day basis to flood his head.

His body begged for him to draw blood, to curb the itch, even if it was on his shoulder where nobody would see. It was better than nothing, right?

But he already knew that was off the table under Iruka's watchful eye. Even so... He did used to get one by him all the time at the academy. Maybe he could pull something off? Just say he had to go to the bathroom!

He needed this.

"Iruka-sensei...?" Naruto looked over at him.

"What is it, Naruto?" Iruka asked.

"I..." Naruto trailed off into a momentary silence as what Iruka had said came back to mind, a pang of guilt entering his chest.

"Any time whatsoever that you feel the need to hurt yourself, I want you to promise me this. I want you to come to one of us, or even somebody like Sakura, Sasuke or Hokage-sama, just somebody who can help you or talk you through those urges. Can you do that?"

He'd made a promise to him. He'd swore that he would tell somebody before doing something like that again.

He couldn't break that promise, he'd already worried everybody so much as it was.

But... would outright telling him be easy?

No, but he had to. If not for himself, then for everybody else.

"It's... um... The urges again..." Naruto avoided eye-contact, before suddenly feeling weak. What good could telling anybody about it do? They couldn't make it go away.

"Oh, um, right... You said you were having them earlier too." Iruka felt a bit awkward at first, but regained his composure. "Do you want to talk about it...?"

As expected, Naruto shook his head.

"Well... Can you by any chance tell me what part of it you're craving the most? Is it the pain or something else?" Iruka asked, hoping Naruto would give him something to work with.

"...Mostly it's just the blood, I guess..." Naruto said. He never had really thought about the physical motivation behind self-harming, because the whole process was relaxing to him, but the best part to him would likely have to be seeing the blood. Nothing could describe in words the sense of euphoria he got while watching the blood flow from his wounds and trail down his skin.

"I see..." Iruka pondered it, before solutions started popping into his head. "Have you ever tried drawing or writing...? You used to doodle sometimes in class."

"Yeah, but that was different." Naruto pouted. "Back then, I was just bored cuz no offense, Sensei, but your lessons sucked."

"What? My lessons do not suck...!" Iruka retorted, feigning hurt.

"Do too. Drawing and pulling pranks on you was the only way I could even keep myself awake during class." Naruto drawled.

"That's because you never took anything I said seriously and kept skipping class. It's your own fault for not studying more." Iruka pointed out, sounding not only like a teacher but almost like a nagging father as well.

"Hey, it's not like I was the only one, y'know." Naruto grumbled. "Shikamaru, Chouji and Kiba did it too sometimes..."

"And I'm aware of that. I always made sure to make all four of you stay after class when you did. But it was usually you who put them up to that in the first place." Iruka said and Naruto couldn't deny it. Back in the academy he did all kinds of things that got him in trouble.

"Alright, fine, but Kiba was a jerk anyway, so he kind of deserved it." Naruto reasoned.

"You shouldn't say those kinds of things about your classmates, Naruto..." Iruka started to say, but sighed, deciding it was pointless. Naruto had matured a lot, but he was still a kid when you got to the heart of things. "Well, anyway, since drawing and writing is off the table, then what about ice? Or a red marker? That always helped me."

"A marker?" Naruto looked up at him, curious at hearing that.

"Yeah, here." Iruka pulled out a red washable marker from his pocket and handed it to him. "It won't make the urges go away completely, but it's better than nothing. Try marking on your skin a bit."

Naruto did as suggested, opening up the cap and creating several stray lines on his wrist. It definitely wasn't the most fulfilling thing, but Iruka wasn't wrong. It at least provided some level of distraction.

Iruka watched the boy with empathy as he began to speed up the process, making one line after another until his entire arm was covered with them. He didn't even want to imagine the amount of damage Naruto normally did to himself. More than anything, he just wished he could do something to help him.

"Can you tell me how you're feeling now? Any better?" Iruka asked.

"Yeah, kinda... A little..." Naruto took a moment to respond, but wouldn't look up, handing him back the marker. "Iruka-sensei...?"

"Hm?"

"...Do you... ever still have these urges...? Is that why you had this marker on you...?" Naruto wanted to know. However, after a second, he scratched the back of his head nervously. "Sorry, I'm probably asking too much... It just kind of seemed a little odd, ya know...? But um it's really none of my business, so I-"

"Hey, don't worry about it, there's really no need to apologize." Iruka patted Naruto's head, before looking down at Naruto's arm. "Besides, you're right about one thing... The urges still bother me sometimes, as I'm sure they will you, but, in the end, it's just like any other addiction. You just have to fight it, no matter how hard or pointless it may seem."

Naruto didn't say anything after that.

...

When Kakashi and Sakura left the Hokage Mansion, they split up, Kakashi insisting he would take care of everything from there, that he would check up on Sasuke, for her to go on home as not to worry her parents, etc. However, upon reaching his hospital room, he discovered Sasuke had disappeared from his bed.

"Why am I not surprised...?" was his single thought before letting the nurses know and heading out to find him. Fortunately, he had already known Sasuke long enough to predict exactly where he'd be at.

...

Crash.

Particles of rock flew everywhere as Sasuke's Chidori faded. He was panting for air, still too weak from the sedative in his system.

"Come to think of it... Wasn't Itachi working for the Anbu at the time? On top of that, there's also this rumor going around amongst the higher brass that he was a double agent, acting as the village's pipeline. Or in other words, what you might call a spy."

"Well, I do admit it's only a rumor, so alas, I can't say for sure if it's true or not. But let's say it was... Don't you think it's possible that they had something to do with it? Maybe he was somehow coerced into it... Just maybe... it wasn't even his idea to begin with... Who's to say...?"

Itachi was a double agent?

Coerced to commit genocide by the village?

Once again, the same denial as before entered his mind.

Who the hell would believe that?!

And if it was true... Then why? Why did Itachi lie to me?!

"Why... did you...?"

"To test my limits..."

"To... test your limits...? You... You killed them... For that?"

"I had to."

"It's not true... My brother would never do this, because..."

"Pretending to be the kind of brother you hoped for... Was to determine your ability. I continued acting as the elder brother you desired, and became your companion to see if that potential lies hidden. You found me disagreeable and hated me. You continued wanting to surpass me. Because of that, I will let you live... For my sake."

Once more, he tried to gather chakra into his hand, ignoring the voice telling him to stop, but this time, a hand grabbed his wrist.

"Don't even try it. You've already wasted enough chakra as it is." A voice told him sternly. It was Kakashi. "I thought we already both agreed your limit was two Chidori per day, hm? Now why don't you try to calm down and tell me exactly what has you so upset?"

"I already told you it's nothing...! Why can't you just..." Sasuke started to say, but before he could finish his sentence, he lost his balance, feeling his feet cave beneath him. Before he collapsed, however, Kakashi caught him.

It was nothing short of a miracle that he'd even made it up to the top of this cliff without falling. Hospital sedatives often tended to disrupt the chakra network.

"Easy." Kakashi soothed, gently leaning him against a large boulder. "I'm not your enemy, Sasuke. I just want to help you. But I can't do that if you keep pushing me away."

"I...!" Sasuke started to retort but grew silent when he remembered how he almost choked Naruto and Kakashi twice over the past week, and then Sakura. He remembered the tears on her face.

"Whatever happened, I'm sure we can talk about it, so please, you don't have to do this... Please..."

"Stop arguing already! We're supposed to be a team, aren't we?! We're friends…! What good has fighting each other ever done for us?!"

"Neither you nor I can be called lucky... That's for sure. But we're not the most unfortunate either. You and I both have found precious friends, haven't we?"

"Hey, it's not like I'm the only one that's been pushing others away, ya know! You have no right to fault me for anything when you've been doing the same thing!"

He clenched his fists, as past words of his teammates echoed in his head.

Whether he wanted to admit it or not, everybody was right. This wasn't getting him anywhere.

Finally, after a long silence had settled between them, he realized what he needed to do.

...

When Sakura got to her house, she already knew her mom was going to be angry. She'd been dreading it all day.

Sakura almost considered taking up Ino on her offer, but she knew that the longer the delayed it, the more pissed Mibuki would be when she finally got back. (Plus, she didn't want to get Ino in trouble.)

Sure enough, when she entered the house, her mother was already onto her.

"You are in a lot of trouble, Sakura." Mibuki had her arms crossed

"Yeah, well just fuss at me later. I'm going to bed." Sakura didn't even want to deal with this. However a large hand grabbed her arm stopping her in her place. But it wasn't her mother, it was Kizashi.

Suddenly she tensed up, caving. There was no way she could stand up to him if he chose to do something.

"You're not going anywhere. I think you owe your mother an apology." he said.

"For what? Going on a mission? I already left a note saying where I was." Sakura countered, despite her initial fear.

"This" Mibuki held up the exact note Sakura spoke of. "is not how we do things. If you're going to be taking off for nearly a week, you tell us to our face! You don't just leave a half assed note behind and expect us to let everything slide."

"Yeah, well if you weren't yelling all the time, maybe I would have! But that's all you ever do anymore, so-"

"There you go again, blaming your own shortcomings on me." Mibuki said, cutting her off. "I swear. Ever since you were put on the same team as that boy, you've become more obstinate than ever. It's really no surprise, considering who he is, but do you honestly want to be like that?"

This is where something in Sakura snapped.

"Like what?" She glared. "Are you talking about Naruto? He has nothing to do with this!"

Mibuki and Kizashi seemed to tense at the sudden outburst.

"Now, calm down, honey." Kizashi tried to soothe her. "Your mother doesn't mean any harm, but she has a point. Almost everybody in this village knows that boy has a reputation of being unwanted for a reason..."

At hearing that, Sakura was beside herself, remembering the image of him tearing into his own skin, how fragile he'd felt in her arms when she hugged him, and his words to her on the ship, the woman at the restaurant, the glares from the villagers, and, above all, those times Mibuki and Kizashi had told her to avoid Naruto when she was a child.

"Unwanted?" She clenched her fists, feeling angry tears well up into her eyes. "You don't know a single thing about him, so how can you even say such a thing?! You have no clue what he's had to put up with because of people like you! In case you forgot, it was Naruto who risked his life to defeat Gaara and even saved my life! Like it or not, Naruto's my friend and he's been more supportive to me over this past year than either of you ever were!"

That was the worst thing Sakura could have possibly said in front of them, and Mibuki didn't even hold back this time. Sakura knew the marks she left were likely going to end up as several bruises, that her lip was bleeding, but quite frankly she couldn't care less. She had got out what she wanted to say and felt no remorse for it, whatsoever.

...

A/N: It's not a lot but I hope y'all like it. I wanted to show that both Sasuke and Naruto are progressing somewhat, but this still isn't going to be an easy or immediate fix for anybody. As for Sakura, she'll get the help she needs too soon! I also feel like Mibuki and Kizashi would heavily have disapproved of Sakura being in any kind of close relationship with Naruto at that point in time given his "reputation", etc, so I plan to explore that a bit more throughout this story. And elsewhere, people have also been asking about Gaara! I think as another Jinchuriki, he'll be able to play a huge role in helping Naruto too, so I have plans of bringing him in at some point. Probably not immediately, but maybe sometime soon. Anyway, let me know what y'all think!