Part Eleven

I smell like Edward.

His scent is embedded in my clothes and I can smell it on my body, in my hair. Worse, it seeps into everything I touch inside my room – the chair, the bed, the rug – so that I am continually reminded of him with every inhale. My room is untouched by Edward's physical presence, but he has somehow managed to find his way inside, anyway.

It's just like him, the persistent motherfucker that he is.

Hours later, my head is still spinning from the way he kissed and touched me. The sounds he made echo in my ears and the sight of his intense stare, his toned body, his fiery hair are stamped behind my eyes. I cannot escape these reminders of him and, I realize, I'm not sure that I want to.

It hadn't crossed my mind that anyone – least of all Edward – might be interested in me in that way. I rarely saw the others in the Guard, aside from Jane. As for the brothers, Aro chose me, so Aro was the one charged with maintaining his investment. And Edward…

Well, I am supposed to be helping him on Aro's request – otherwise I would have seen him about as much as I see the other vampires in this wretched place.

Inexplicably, over the last few months, we've come to be something like friends – and I've liked it. But I don't know what to make of this new development. A line has been crossed.

I breathe in, his sweet, slightly floral scent tingling in my nose. I replay the image of his face in my head, his eyelids fluttering closed as he kissed me, the long lashes brushing his high cheekbones.

What am I doing? He is, essentially, a child – he barely knows how to behave around other vampires and control his gift, how can I expect him to know what he is doing, now? I told him he could be with anyone, and yet I hadn't thought to include myself in that category.

The thought sends a pang of excitement through me, followed immediately by a tinge of guilt. Edward doesn't know anyone else, not really, other than me. I am supposed to be helping him acclimate to life with the Volturi and it is quite possible that I am taking advantage of him.

But, am I? A small voice whispers dangerously in the back of my mind. He had initiated all physical contact between us, stimulated most of the conversations. He seemed to be very aware of what he was doing, back there, in his room –

I force my thoughts away from the searing kiss. It will not do for me to become lost in the new sensations that it provided me. No matter how pleasant they were.

I feel so confused. How did I not see this coming? The answer is obvious, even to me. Before that moment in his room, he was just another newborn vampire.

Well, no, we are friends, of sorts, I remind myself. The kind of friends that occurs when a parent forces you together with another person, so you really have no other choice than to get to know each other. Edward has leaned into that friendship, quite eagerly, and despite the fact that I should be helping him to adjust, he has also been helping me, in his way, with his presence, to overcome the trauma of the fire.

But, now, something has changed between us – I can sense in myself, even now. It's like the world has tilted on its axis, and I am suddenly upside down and trying desperately to right myself again. We can't go back to what we had, I know that. In fact, now that I have had a taste of him, I don't think that I want things to go back to the way they were.

Only, what do I want, instead?

That thought brings on a whole slew of questions that I don't have the answers to, and so they just pile up along the inside of my skull and swim annoyingly through my brain. I cannot reconcile the idea of Edward as a mature young man with the awareness of him as a newborn vampire. It was only a few months ago that I saw him for the first time, when he was still human, still fragile and young and breakable. He had entered our world, but he is still learning to adjust to our ways, to grow into his own new abilities.

I know better than anyone that physical appearance means little to nothing, that his current newborn state is transient and soon to be followed by the adroitness that comes with age. So why am I so hung up on this?

Because he is a child, my mind whispers back to me. He is just a boy.

I am just a boy, too, but I am also a man, a duality that vampirism has gifted me. So is he – at least, he will be, too.

I growl in frustration and collapse onto my bed, the satin of the sheets soft against my hardened skin. The irony – the fifteen-year-old boy-vampire who feels like a pedophile for letting the seventeen-year-old newborn kiss him. And liking it. His human morals must be rubbing off on me.

Twisted fucking morals.

Would I feel this confusion, though, if Edward weren't a still child in my eyes? If, instead, he were just as ancient as I am?

I know the answer, but I'm hesitant to admit it to myself.

No.

Edward isn't a child, I tell myself, but even in my head it doesn't sound as convincing as it should. He is a man, a young one, but one nonetheless. He is capable of making his own decisions. I didn't make him do anything, I wouldn't have been able to make him do anything. He chose to kiss me.

A soft knock on the door interrupts my internal ramblings and I sit up on the bed. One of my legs is folded underneath me, the other half-hanging off the edge of the rarely used mattress.

I think that if I were human, I would be blushing at the thought of what I could be doing on said mattress.

"Yes?" I wait for the vampire to announce their intentions, but instead the door creeps open and a flurry of robes darts through the room.

"Alec."

"Jane," I blurt, surprise coloring my voice as she joins me at the foot of the bed. "I thought you were still in America."

She rolls her eyes and leans forward to kiss my cheeks in greeting. "Apparently, the Americans didn't need us to hang around in order to finally get their shit together."

"So, no trouble, then?" Trouble means that I might have to accompany the Guard on their next visit. I haven't left Volterra in decades and I don't want to leave now only to go to America. It's a strange place, full of even stranger vampires.

"None. I didn't even get to use my gift on them before they begged for forgiveness and promised to take care of the girl."

I eye her with suspicion, although it is not directed at her. "The human girl?" I try to remember the details of Jane's prolonged mission.

"Yes. Mousy thing – I don't see what those freaks find so appealing about her."

I shrug, brushing off Jane's jealous reaction. She's always wishing that she were older, more appealing, although now that she has a fuck buddy I don't see why she is still so angry about it. Old habits die hard, I suppose.

"What about you? Anything interesting happen while I was gone?" Jane leans back on her hands, eyeing me.

The first thought that springs to my mind is of the confusing vampire across the hall, but I say nothing. I don't need Jane complicating things when they are already baffling to me. "No, nothing."

She raises a delicate eyebrow. "What about the receptionist – whatshername human? Giulia? Gianna? She wasn't there when we arrived."

I wince. Oh, yeah, her. "Edward."

It's all I need to say for Jane to understand what happened to her.

"Another one? Aro must be getting tired of replacing them."

"You're telling me. It seems that with each one that dies, a stupider one replaces them."

She hops onto the bed next to me, huffing. She observes me for a moment. "Something is wrong."

I blanch; wishing for once that she weren't so in tune with me. "No."

Then she does the strangest thing – she actually leans in to sniff me.

"What are you doing, Jane?" I question, barely disguising my nervousness. I haven't washed yet; I know that I still smell like Edward and his scent lingers throughout the room, but I hope that she doesn't put two and two together and figure out why. She knows that I am mentoring him at Aro's request – maybe that will be enough to explain the scent. It's not like I smell like sex, or anything.

Because you didn't get there, yet.

I berate my treacherous mind. I can't think like this – I will never get there with him. I can't allow it. He is a newborn vampire; a gay, sexually mature one who is far closer to my physical age than anyone else in this compound, aside from Jane, but a newborn regardless. He trusts me. He is just attaching himself to me because he doesn't really know anyone else.

Yes, that's it, I try futilely to convince myself.

"Oh, my god," she hisses, shocked. "You're fucking the newborn!"

"I am not," I counter. At least that part is true. "He's a child."

She scoffs. "Please."

"Jane, seriously, it's nothing –"

"He's all over you," she insists. "Don't even deny it – there's only one vampire here whose scent I wouldn't recognize and it's Aro's newest pet."

I wince a little at her term for Edward – he is far more than just Aro's amusement, at least to me.

"We aren't doing anything, Jane," I mutter, annoyed. Leave it to her to go prying into affairs that are best left alone. "We've just been spending a lot of time together. Mentoring and stuff."

"Yeah, mentoring."

"Seriously, Jane. That's it. We're starting to become friends."

"Okay," she drawls slowly. "Is that why I can smell him in your hair?" She raises an eyebrow expectantly.

"Jane, really." It comes out almost as a plea, although I mean it to sound exasperated. "It's nothing."

She gives me the death stare that is usually reserved for those who are on the wrong end of her gift, except without the accompanying pain. Suddenly, her tongue is on my face, licking my skin in an almost cat-like manner that leaves me sputtering.

"Ew, Jane, that's disgusting!" I wipe the corner of my mouth with the back of my hand, making a face and scowling darkly.

"I knew it!" she trills, gleeful. "Now, how do explain him being there?"

I stand from the bed, moving to go tidy something. "It's nothing," I murmur lowly, but I don't believe it, myself.

"Fine, don't tell me." Her voice is snarky and I hear her jump down from the high bed. "I'll go find someone who actually appreciates my presence."

"You mean Santiago."

"How very astute of you, Alec," she quips, rolling her eyes and already by the door. "What ever would I do without your keen insight and perceptiveness?"

"Have fun fucking," I bid her snidely as she opens the door to my chambers.

"Have fun pretending that you're not," her voice chimes just before the door closes behind her, her robes swirling around her with a flourish.

Motherfuckery. Could I keep nothing to myself?