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Beck's POV:

I had a nice Christmas, if only a little boring at times. My parents had invited the whole family over, even the ones from Canada had flown in and it was crowded and full of people all wanting to marvel at how big I'd grown and hear all about my school life and whether I had a girlfriend. They were shocked when I told them no, exclaiming how it was such a shame that "such a handsome boy couldn't find himself a nice girl". I missed Jade and her blunt honesty, the way she would tell everyone that my dating wasn't "any of their damn business". I wished I could be a little more like that myself, but it wasn't part of my perfect son persona so I simply made small talk, laughed at their jokes and let them touch my hair as well as asked politely about how great aunt Sophie's very obese cat was doing and if she would mind showing pictures. It wasn't the time of my life but it was bearable at least.

And then Jade lied to me. I knew there was a lot she wasn't sharing with me normally but I'd never imagined that she would straight out lie. I'd thought we had a mutual trust. The disappointment of the situation made all those same old feelings of not being good enough rise up again. I was torn between feeling angry and disappointed with Jade and blaming myself for not being enough, for failing at being a good enough friend to her. And the fact that Cat knew, that Cat had been in on the lie certainly didn't help. It made the little angry ball of jealousy squirm uneasily in my stomach, reminding me that even though I'd tried my hardest to be patient and as good of a friend I could it wasn't enough.

Jealousy and moodiness really wasn't my thing though, it wasn't part of the Beck Oliver persona so I tried as best as I could to cover up my emotions and resort back to the carefully crafted easygoing, laid-back guy I so desperately wanted to be. I fought back the urge to call and confront her after the half-hearted apology text she sent me and instead opted for being a nice guy about it, once again letting her off the hook. I was gonna have to try even harder, be the best possible version of myself so I could finally win her trust. I tried to suppress the feeling of unwantedness and being left out, tried to keep my mind from asking itself if she even wanted to be my friend at all or if it was just because I kept insisting all that time ago.

The fact that she'd spent Christmas with Cat was more than a little bit concerning though. Was the situation with her family so bad that she couldn't even spend the holidays with them? Oh Jade. I suddenly felt really bad for the girl, despite everything. I didn't know what was going on but her spending the holidays at Cat's and then feeling the need to lie about it did make me feel like something wasn't right, that maybe something bad had happened to make her feel the need to get out of the house.

Feeling suddenly inspired I quickly sent her a text asking if she wanted to spend New Years with me. If it was bad enough for her to not want to be home for Christmas she would probably want to get away for New Years too. That was mostly the reason but I couldn't help but to also hope that maybe this was how I could prove myself worthy and also I selfishly wanted to take over some of Cat's role as Jade's emotional support. I didn't expect her to agree so hearing the buzz of my phone and seeing her response made me pleasantly surprised.

Then it was just the matter of planning the perfect evening. The rest of the gang already had other plans so it was just the two of us. I tried to seem disappointed when they told me this but secretly I was thrilled to get to spend the evening with only Jade.

"So do you have anything in mind for what you wanna do?" I asked her over FaceTime one evening.

"Nah. Let's just keep it low-key, okay?"

"Sure. But no special traditions or stuff like that you wanna do?"

She laughed. "I already told you it doesn't matter. Don't wear yourself out thinking Oliver, you better not overuse that pretty head of yours" Her voice was teasing and she ended the sentence with a wink, letting me know she wasn't buying into the whole "pretty but no brains"-hypothesis that some people tried to apply to me. It was nice, almost like before, but there were still a lot of unsaid words and unaddressed tension between us and I found it hard to try and keep up the banter like I normally would.

"Okay, I'll try and come up with something small then." I said, feeling a bit awkward and not knowing how to keep up the conversation. "Anyway, I guess I'll talk to you later then."

She nodded, seemingly understanding my vibe but not addressing it. "Okay. Bye"

I cursed myself internally for yet again making things weird and not trying hard enough at smoothing over the bumps in order to get back to normal. Oh well. I was just gonna have to plan a really spectacular New Years Eve.

New Years Eve

At eight on New Year's Eve there was a knock on the door of my RV. I'd been stressing over what to wear for the last hour, clothes thrown around on the floor and the bed. Eventually I'd settled on a pair of nice black jeans and a simple dress shirt.

"Coming!" I quickly tried to gather up all the clothes on the floor, pushing them into the small closet and ran a hand through my hair on the way towards the door.

"Hey you!" I smiled at the brunette and tried to keep myself from staring. She looked absolutely stunning in the purple dress she was wearing, long hair falling in waves over her shoulders, blue eyes sparkling.

"Yeah, hey" She walked right past me into the RV, looking around appreciatively. "I like the place. Nice to get to have something of your own".

I stood back in the doorway, a bit awkwardly, not knowing what to say and instead just watched her as she walked around the small RV, looking at my pictures and various knick-knacks. I averted my gaze when she turned around looking at me to not seem like a creep for staring.

"Oh my god Beck, don't make this weird. Let's just go, okay?" She rolled her eyes, seemingly a bit annoyed and then smirked at my loss of words.

"Yeah that's probably better" I held the door open for her before grabbing my jacket and locking up.

We spent the car ride mostly in silence, some distance still lingering between us from that whole thing at Christmas. It wasn't awkward per se, every moment we spent together always had this sense of naturality to it, but compared to our normal easy banter there was definitely a change. I didn't know what to do about it, if it was a good idea to bring it up or if I should rather just keep the feelings in and try to enjoy the evening.

I'd ordered beforehand so we only had to quickly swing by to pick up some Chinese food at a restaurant nearby and then Jade wanted to get coffee so we made a detour to Jet Brew too. After that it was about an hour of driving up towards the mountains where Jade put herself in charge of the music and sang along quietly to some of the songs while watching the scenery changing out of the car window.

At last we arrived to a viewpoint overlooking the city. It was kind of a remote place, chosen specificially to allow us an escape from the people and the noise for a bit. I'd found it a couple months back while mindlessly driving around to get out of the house and had been immediately awed by the place. I parked the truck with the back end facing the valley and hurried around to open Jade's door for her before she had the time to do it herself. I was raised to be a gentleman after all.

She just rolled her eyes. "I can do that myself, you know". Still she had a small smile on her face while climbing out of the car. "So what exactly are we doing here?" She said, sounding curious.

"We, my friend, are having a picnic" I opened the back of the truck, offering out my hand to help her up. From a basket I'd brought I pulled out a picnic blanket and some pillows and set it up for us to sit on. "Nice place to sit, nice view, nice food. Pretty great New Years if you ask me" I smiled at her, sitting down on the blanket and started putting out some of the small containers of Chinese food.

"I guess the company could be better but other than that yeah it's pretty cool" She said teasingly and laughed at my feigned wounded expression.

"I'll have you know you're lucky to get to be in the company of future Oscar winner Beck Oliver. One day you'll tell your kids about this day"

"Whatever you say big shot"

We actually did have a really nice time. The awkwardness of the beginning began to slowly fade only to be replaced with our usual easy conversation. The food was great and Jade eventually dug out a small speaker from her purse and put on some old Rolling Stones songs which only added to the vibe. From our spot next to the deep slope of the mountainside we could see all the twinkling lights of the city, the sky lit up with stars and the occasional fire work even though midnight was still an hour away. It was pretty perfect.

I couldn't help myself though, I needed to know.

"Why did you lie to me?" My voice was low, barely containing the hurt that I'd felt from her decision at Christmas.

She sighed, blue eyes looking suddenly sad. "It's just a lot right now, a lot of shit going on and I fucked up. I do want to be honest with you but it's just really hard. I've been keeping things to myself for so long that I barely even know how to communicate stuff anymore."

Her words and the heartbreaking sadness in her voice made something inside of me twist uncomfortably. What kind of horrible things had this incredible girl been forced to suffer through? I had to squeeze my hands together to fight the urge to wrap her in a tight hug. It didn't seem like the time.

"You know you can trust me, right? With anything. I would never ever judge you."

She sighed again. "I do know. It's just really hard. Please be patient with me. I don't want to lose you, you're too damn important but I just really can't right now"

"Yeah okay. Just... why Cat though? She knows, right? Why do you trust her enough and not me?" I asked quietly. I knew it wasn't my place, but I just couldn't help myself. The jealousy had been gnawing inside me for too long. It was crazy, really. Of course she was allowed to share secrets and trust whoever she wanted, it was none of my damn business but now that we were having this conversation I just needed to know. Needed to know what about me that wasn't good enough, what I needed to do or be to be proved worthy.

She smoothed a strand of hair out of her face, looking almost out of this world with her pale face lit up by the moonlight. Beautiful. "Beck, it's not you. I promise." She looked me straight in the eyes, voice sincere. "I do trust you, please believe me when I say that. It's just that Cat and I go way back in a way I can't tell you about without betraying her trust. It's not my story to tell and I don't think she's ready for it. Please don't push her, okay?"

I rubbed the back of my neck awkwardly, feeling stupid. Of course there was something going on with Cat, the way she'd dodged my questions made a lot more sense now. Come to think about it, Cat rarely talked about her past either, except for the stories about her brother. How come I'd never realized that before?

"I'm sorry. I won't."

"Don't do that Beck" Jade moved slightly closer on the blanket, putting her hand on my shoulder comfortingly. "It's not your fault. I get your frustration and I'm so so sorry that I keep hurting you, pushing you away. I don't mean to, please know that. Also don't sell yourself short. You are so so incredible and it pains me that you don't seem to see it yourself. You don't need to prove anything or be anyone with me, just yourself. Okay?"

I looked up, meeting her gaze, and she was suddenly oh so close. It felt like a weight was being lifted off my shoulders with the way her words filled me up. I was so so tired of all the pretending and trying and guessing. And she understood, had seen through all of it and wanted to know me anyway. It was riveting really, made me feel a hundred pounds lighter, like I was all of a sudden gonna start floating away and join the fireworks in the night sky. Be myself. Yeah, maybe I could try.

Her hand was still rubbing circles on my shoulder. I put mine on top of hers, squeezing gently, ignoring the way my stomach seemed to do somersaults at the contact. "Okay"

Jade just smiled.

Midnight was coming closer, judged from the way the fireworks had increased in numbers and frequency. They lit up the night sky with their beautiful colors and intricate patterns, making for a good distraction after the emotional roller coaster of a conversation we'd just been through. I pulled a bottle of champagne out from the cooler bag I brought and poured Jade a glass.

"Happy New Year Beck" She clinked her glass with mine. "Are you sad about missing the party at Rebecca's?" Rebecca was one of the seniors at HA and was hosting a New Years party most of the cool kids at school had been invited to. "You're missing a guaranteed New Years kiss from a cheerleader of your choice after all" She said teasingly.

I pouted, making a show of crossing my arms defiantly across my chest like a toddler. "It's not fair"

She laughed and I couldn't help but drop the act and just smile back at her. There was nowhere I'd rather be after all and she knew it.

Next thing I knew she was pressing her lips against my cheek softly. "It's no cheerleader kiss but I guess you'll have to settle" She whispered, breath tickling my cheek, before pulling back and smirking at me. The spot she'd kissed was tingling and I had to fight the urge to touch it. Keep it together Beck.

"Happy New Year Jade" I raised my glass towards her before taking a sip. "Here's to a better one"

Jade scoffed. "It better be"