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11. Asking the hard questions

After a two-and-a-half-hour drive during which the conversation didn't stall once, Rory and Logan arrived at a cabin in the woods in upstate New York. It was secluded, right by a small lake, just the perfect place to retreat.

"Oh my god, Logan, this is perfect!" Rory fell in love with the place immediately, and even more so when she saw the brick-built fireplace surrounded by overflowing bookshelves and a cozy looking couch. "Where did you find this place?"

Logan honestly looked a bit embarrassed when he confessed: "It's mine, actually."

Rory shouldn't be surprised, after all she knew how wealthy Logan's family was. She had spent time in several of their properties. But the confession raised the uncomfortable question of how many romantic weekend getaways he had spent here with his fiancée. Suddenly, everything looked a little less magical.

Logan noticed her demeanor change, but thought it was because she was still intimidated by his family's financial status. "Well, part of it does. I bought it together with Colin this summer. He and Steph spent their Christmas vacation here last year and loved the place. So, when he told me it was for sale, we decided to buy it together. The plan was to meet up here from time to time when they came to the East Coast, but we didn't manage to so far."

Rory nodded absent-mindedly, her changed demeanor hurt him. What had she expected? A weekend at a cheap B&B where they had to deal with bird watching, game nights and old lady inquiries instead of spending time with each other?

"I was looking forward to staying here for the first time to be honest, but if you'd rather go someplace else…?"

"You've never stayed here before? Not even with Rebecca?" It was the first time she called his fiancée by her name. It felt wrong, but at least he understood her issue now. She thought he had brought her to his and Rebecca's love-nest.

He shook his head. "To be honest, Rebecca hated the fact that I bought the place. She's a city girl through and through, born and raised in D.C., her father's a politician. The closest she'll come to a trip to the country is a summer at the Hamptons."

"I understand." Rory noticed a sudden sadness in Logan and silently cursed herself for bringing up his relationship again. Hadn't she promised to herself to get this over with before they left? "I'm sorry I brought her up."

Logan smiled, but it looked forced. "It's okay. I get why you did." They were here a mere five minutes, and all the lightheartedness of their journey seemed to be gone.

Rory walked towards him and softly stroked his hand. Logan slowly opened his fist to her touch, taking a deep breath. "I'm really sorry, Logan. I love it here, I promise." With that, she brushed his cheek with a featherlight kiss. This time, Logan's smile was totally natural.

"I'm glad, Ace. Do you want the tour?" She nodded enthusiastically, so Logan took her hand really into his, intertwined their fingers and showed her his newest property. He owned a gorgeous Manhattan penthouse, the family villa in Martha's Vineyard had been assigned to him when Elias died, but this was the first place he was truly happy to own. More than any other place he had lived in, this one felt like a home. And he was over the moon that the first person to stay there with him would be his Ace.

After the grand tour of the house, Logan offered to drive to the store to stock up the fridge and cook them dinner while Rory checked out the book collection he and Colin had established. She more than happily accepted! He found her two hours later, curled up by the fireplace, with a copy of Pride & Prejudice in her lap.

"I see you found something new to read." he commented teasingly. He loved how her lips curled in a smile, but she didn't look up to him before finishing the paragraph.

"There's no limit on how often a person is allowed to read Pride & Prejudice." she claimed.

"And if there was, you'd have passed it long before we even met." Logan laughed. "Can I steal you away from Elizabeth and Mr. Darcy? Dinner is ready."

Rory put the book down and jumped up. "You can. I'm starving!"

Logan had cooked a delicious Paella and opened a bottle of white wine for them. Rory noticed the candles on the table, making it look like the perfect date night. The next two hours were spent eating, drinking and laughing together.

Only when dinner was over, and they sat on the couch with a pot of coffee nearby Logan decided it was time to get serious. As thrilled as he was at how easily their conversations flowed, he was aware of the time limit they had together. If they wanted to find clarity before Sunday night, they had to leave the banter behind and turn to what truly mattered. Even if it may hurt.

"Were you seeing someone these past few years?" he asked her bluntly.

Rory almost choked on her coffee. She coughed, and Logan gently patted her back. "Where did that come from?"

Logan blushed slightly. "Sorry, Ace. But to be honest, I think we need to do this. This weekend was meant to help us find out what we mean to each other. We can't avoid asking the hard questions."

Rory knew he was right. "I had dates, of course." She confessed, feeling weird talking about it. She had never been one to go around dating random guys. But after breaking up with Logan, it had been all she ever did. Committing to another guy after turning down Logan's proposal had felt wrong, no matter how many years had passed. "But there hasn't been anything serious."

"Too busy with all those open doors, hm?" Logan asked teasingly, but also half-serious. Her rejection still stung today.

Rory looked away self-consciously at the memory. "Work has always been important to me, yes, but that had nothing to do with it. I couldn't commit after I turned you down… It just didn't feel right."

Logan couldn't keep himself from smiling. "To my shame I have to admit that I feel flattered." He confessed. "But I wanted you to be happy."

Rory stayed silent for a while. "I was. Or at least that's what I told myself I." She knew Logan was right, they had to ask the hard questions and be honest with each other. But being honest with him – and herself – hurt. "Any dreams associated with love, marriage, a family one day, I buried them after you left. Not consciously, it was more an afterthought. I was still young, it was the time to go out, have adventures, anything else would still be there when I'd be older. It wasn't until I saw you and Rebecca at that dinner that I realized what I had been missing."

She took a deep breath and managed to look at him again. He gave her an encouraging smile. "I didn't deal with that very good." she confessed.

"Do you want to tell me?" Logan asked as she stayed silent. Guilt was nagging at him for kissing her that night, undoubtedly confusing her even more.

"I had an affair with my co-worker. Not a very healthy one." Rory admitted shamefully.

Logan swallowed. The thought of Rory with another man would never be pleasant. "Are you still seeing him?" he managed to ask.

Rory shook her head. After a few more moments of silence, she looked at him, tears glistening in her eyes. "I'm scared, Logan."

He would have loved to hug her, but he instinctively knew this wasn't the right time. She needed to voice her fears, needed him to understand. "What scares you?" he whispered.

"I'm falling for you, Logan." Her confession hung in the air between them for a few tense seconds, making him both thrilled and terrified. "I'm falling for you, and I know how risky this is because you're engaged, but I can't do anything about it. And I'm so excited you've invited me here, but I'm also aware that we are living on borrowed time. I've lost you once, and I didn't handle it well. I'm afraid to lose myself if I allow you back in."

"I wouldn't do anything to hurt you, Ace. You know that, right?" Logan tried to assure her.

She smiled sadly. "But you might still leave on Sunday and go on with your life."

Logan wanted to assure her he wouldn't, that he wanted her back in his life no matter what, but he knew it would be a lie. She was right. As excited as her confessing to falling in love made him, letting her back in terrified him just as much. She had rejected him once. No matter how little thought he had spent on Rebecca tonight, he was aware that marrying her was the safe choice. A choice he might very well make.

"I'm scared, too." he admitted. "When you rejected my proposal, I was devastated. I know it was me who broke up, but it was what I had to do. I couldn't stand the thought of a long-distance relationship, knowing you didn't want to marry me. I just couldn't do it."

Rory understood. Part of her wished she didn't, but she couldn't help it. It must have been horrible to be rejected after proposing. "How did you cope with it?"

Logan laughed bitterly. "With the Huntzberger way."

"You mean, women and tons of alcohol?" Rory translated equally bitter. She had no right to feel this way, but what could a girl do?

"I'm afraid so. God, I was such a jerk. A few months later, I received the lecture of a lifetime from Colin and Finn." He shuddered just thinking about it. The funny thing was, he had received lectures from his father all his life, he had considered himself immune. But being reprimanded by his best friends had been sobering.

"They didn't embrace the return of Playboy-Logan?" Rory asked.

"At first, they gave me some slack. They knew how much I missed you. But pretty soon they realized it had become unhealthy. I guess what really sealed the deal was when Colin returned from Europe, all happy about finally getting together with Steph, and I tried to convince him how amazing bachelor life was. As I said, I was a real jerk."

"And how did you end up back with Huntzberger publishing?" Rory asked. She had known about his return – anyone in the newspaper business had – but it had never truly made sense to her.

Logan sighed. He liked his job, but admittedly being back in the family business still felt like a defeat every once in a while. "It was a tough time. My grandfather passed away, newspapers across the country were struggling. My dad had tried to get me to come back regularly, I always resisted, but then he had a heart attack. I came back to help out, and then never left again."

Rory was surprised. "I had no idea about his heart attack."

Logan rolled his eyes. "You know him. Mitchum Huntzberger would never admit any weaknesses."

Rory bit her lip. "Do you regret coming back?"

Logan shrugged. "Sometimes I do. Mostly after talking to Colin. But that may just be the whole grass is greener on the other side thing. I'm good at what I do, and most of the time, I like it."

It wasn't the answer Rory had expected. But that might just be due to the fact that she had known him back in his rebellious days. They were grown up now after all. But there was one thing she had to ask him. "Logan? Are you happy?"

Logan thought about it for a long time. "Not long ago, I would have said yes, absolutely. Work, friends, my love life, everything seemed perfectly fine."

Rory felt her heart sink. Maybe coming here hadn't been such a good idea after all.

But then Logan turned to her and for the first time since they had sat down, he took her hand in his and softly caressed her palm with his thumb.

"But I wouldn't be here if this were true, right? I wouldn't be here if nothing were missing from my life."