Chapter 20

"You know Nicholas; you aren't going to get the answers you are looking for from that portrait. I know because I've already tried." Victoria said quietly as she moved into the study to stand beside her second born.

Nick sighed and turned from the portrait to look down at his diminutive silver haired mother standing beside him. "I thought I knew him Mother, now I'm wondering if I knew him at all. Was my entire life with him a lie?"

Victoria grasped both of Nick's arms in her small hands and forcibly turned him to look at her. "Oh Nick, darling, it wasn't a lie. The man you grew up with was the same man I married. Everything he taught you, everything he told YOU was the truth."

"His version of the truth."

"He never mislead you in anyway Nick. Did he ever tell you about his time in Strawberry?"

"No but…"

"Did you ever ask him about his time away, even years later?"

Nick shrugged, "No but I had forgotten about that time, I was only four years old."

"So you never asked or gave your father a reason to lie to you?"

Nick sighed, "I guess not."

"Your father was just a man and like any man or woman he had his shortcomings. What he did do in a time of weakness and need, in a time when his memory had lapsed was make a terrible error in judgement. Not out of malice or disdain for me or this family Nick, but more out of a need to feel like a man again. I am just as much to blame for what happened in Strawberry as he is. I drove your father away after your brother's death; I blamed him for everything that went wrong, every little accident, for silly, irrelevant things like spilt milk, spoons in the fork draw, not been able to find my hairbrush. I was vitriolic in my words to him, I wouldn't let him touch or comfort me in anyway," Victoria paused and swallowed hard, "I made him feel less than a man. I took away his pride, his family and drove him out."

Nick gathered his Mother in his arms and led her to the settee. "You had just lost a child Mother, my baby brother."

"Don't you see Nick; that was the time I needed your Father the most and I turned away from him. Locked myself in our room, forbade him to enter. I didn't give him a choice until finally he thought that by leaving, by my not seeing him, by giving me space to come to terms with Thomas death that eventually I would come to my senses. And he was right, I did need that time but your Father was still a man with needs of his own." Victoria looked up at the portrait watching silently from the wall. "He didn't go to Strawberry with the intent to have an affair or father a child. What happened to him was unforseen, it could have been anyone who found your father and nursed him back to health but it was a beautiful, caring young woman who showered your father with kindness and love and allowed your father to be the man he was destined to be, to be the man that I had denied him."

Nick sighed, "I was in the barn when Jarrod and Gene fetched the buggy horse. Gene pointed out to Jarrod that Heath had no part in what happened, he hadn't asked to be born but he is the one that has been left holding a dead hand. It's just that Father always told me, all of us, to own up to your mistakes yet he didn't own up to his, he never went back and checked. Surely Father knew what could happen, yet he never went back."

"Because I forbade him to. When he came home I knew something was wrong and at first he said nothing. I had resolved my feelings about Thomas death and my behaviour towards him and I guess he was frightened to say anything to upset me, to start the kettle boiling again but he was still bothered by the head injury, still having headaches and the occasional dizzy spell. He finally told me after I had called old Doctor Rose out after one of his spells. The Doctor wanted to know what had happened, how he had been injured and the story came out."

"But you forgave him. I remember hearing the shouting matches and Jarrod taking me out to the barn or down to the pond until it was safe to come home, but he never left again."

"No he stayed in the spare bedroom, we avoided each other as much as possible unless it was to do with you children, eventually I forgave him and we became closer and stronger together. I said it to Heath and I will say it to you. I am thankful that Leah found Tom, nursed him back to health, cared for him as she did because without her compassion your father would not have returned to us and your sister and brother would not be here."

Nick sucked in breath as that realization hit him.

"I wasn't naïve Nick, I knew what the possible outcome of your father and Leah's liaison could be and yet I encouraged him not to return to Strawberry but instead to sell his share of the mine, which he did, happy to comply with any request I made and we continued on with our lives, both of us ignoring the possibility of a child." Victoria paused, "I had no idea that Tom had written to Heath's mother after his return to us until I found that letter in Heath's trunk along with the unsent one from Leah." Victoria shook her head, "but I am grateful to know that Leah never sent that letter and Tom never knew he had fathered another son in Strawberry." Victoria held up her hand to stop Nick from speaking. "If that letter had been sent and your father knew of Heath's existence and for fear of upsetting me and this family never spoke of it, never made an attempt to right the wrong, to include Heath in this family somehow then I fear I too would be wondering if our entire marriage, our life together, was a sham and how many more times and children may be out there."

Nick raised an eyebrow. "Are there…"

"No Nick, your father swore there was never anyone else before or after Leah and I believe him." Victoria squeezed Nick's arm. "Nick don't blame Heath for your father's actions. You said yourself you felt a connection to him, that it felt right riding with him, that he reminded you of your father. Think of Heath as a long lost gift that your father had misplaced but has now been found, because that is exactly what he is. A final parting gift from your father." Victoria stood and kissed the top of Nick's head, "now I'm going to relieve your brother of my grandchildren, so that he can get some rest while Esmeralda is out with your brothers and sister. Whatever your feelings Nick, I hope you can put them aside for the sake of Heath, Esmeralda and the children tomorrow."

Nick watched his mother leave the room before turning to look up at the portrait of the man he thought he knew as well as himself. "Damn you father, I won't take my feelings out on Heath, but know this; It will be a long day in hell before I am ready to forgive you for what you have done to this family and my brother."

BV

Frank poked his head around the edge of the door to the guestroom, "Is it safe to come in?" he asked, scanning the room for the two young rascals.

Heath laughed, "They are with their Grandmother."

Frank fully entered the room and raised an eyebrow.

Heath shrugged, "Somehow it feels right calling Missus Barkley, their Grandmother."

Frank plopped down in the armchair beside the bed. "I'm glad you finally saw sense boy and are allowing your family to get to know you, Esmeralda, and the young uns. They need their aunt and uncles, or maybe it's the other way around. Those two rascals of yours already have that family down there wrapped around their little fingers especially Audra and Nick."

"Well it's not like I had any choice in the matter." Heath sighed.

Frank lent back in the chair and crossed his right leg over his left knee. "Now that's not entirely true Heath. You could have said no when Victoria spoke with you this morning but you didn't. You agreed to allow her to tell the rest of the family about you. Had you asked Victoria, she would have kept your secret, admittedly grudgingly but she would not have broken your confidence and you could have continued on with your life as before. Are you regretting your decision?"

Heath shifted uncomfortably in the bed and pushed out a heavy breath between clamped lips. "I guess not Frank. I'll tell ya I'd have never come here had I known how much I look like my father. Missus Barkley, Silas and even the foreman McColl knew Tom Barkley was my father the moment they laid eyes on me but after what happened to Essie's parents, to me, the thought of Essie and the children left alone to struggle through life without any family." Heath shrugged, "I could see how happy Tommy was when he was with Audra, and you were right, Gyorgy, Rosetta, Essie, you were all right. They need their family. And I can't deny how grateful I am to them for helping Essie with all the arrangements for the funeral. Even Eugene has gone with them and I haven't met him yet."

"But you still have reservations?"

"What if they don't like me Frank? Don't want me to be a part of their family. I wasn't particularly friendly to Nick and Jarrod yesterday; in fact I tried my best to alienate them."

Frank snorted, "You think."

Heath threw a blue eyed glare Frank's way. "Not helpful Frank."

"What can I tell you? It's not going to be easy for any of you but I do know from the conversation I had with your brothers this morning that they both felt a connection with you yesterday Heath. You just have to be patient, let them sort through their feelings towards their father and you. Remember you have known for five years who your father was; who your family was but they only found out this morning that they have another brother and a niece and nephew. It is going to take time for all of you to come to terms with the actions of Tom Barkley and Leah Sawyer all those years ago."

"I hear ya Frank; I guess I just gotta get my head and my heart to agree."

"Time boy, time heals all wounds eventually." Frank fidgeted in his seat for a moment to the amusement of Heath.

"Something on your mind Frank?"

"Just feeling a bit guilty I guess."

Heath raised a questioning eyebrow, "About what?"

"You know I'd like to stay indefinitely but I'm going to have to head on back to Spanish Camp day after tomorrow. I can't leave Roy holding the fort for much longer."

Heath nodded tiredly, "I figured as much. I don't think I thanked you for coming and helping Frank. Things are a bit sketchy after we found Essie and Leah but I want you to know I really appreciated having you at my back yesterday and all those other times that you've being there for me, Essie and the children. I don't think I'd have got this far without you."

"The only thanks I need is to hear that you have settled down here with your family Heath. And I'll be expecting an invite to the latest little Thomson Barkley christening too."

Heath yawned, "You've got it. Essie would never forgive me if you didn't get an invite."

"Good enough. Well I think I've kept you long enough. If you want to make that funeral tomorrow you better get some more sleep, besides I don't want either Victoria or Essie coming after me with their wooden spoons. I'll drop by later today."

Heath sank lower into the bed and closed his eyes. "See ya later Frank."

BV

Essie quietly opened the bedroom door, stepping softly into the room, two plates of sandwiches and cups of fresh squeezed orange juice balanced on the tray. She crossed the room and placed the tray on the dresser before returning to close the door. Moving to the bed, she knelt upon it and gently shook her sleeping husbands shoulder, calling softly to him at the same time. Heath mumbled under his breath and tried to roll away from the incessant shaking but Essie refused to give up her endeavours to wake the blond. Eventually Heath blinked open his eyes and stared at the unwavering emerald's staring back at him. "Essie," Heath pulled himself further up the bed and lent against the pillows that Esmeralda placed behind him. "You're back." He studied her drawn features and the not quite hidden tear tracks down her cheeks. "I'm sorry honey; I should've gone with you. You shouldn't have had to go on your own."

"Oh Heath, I wasn't alone, I had our family with me. Audra, Jarrod and Gene were there and besides you had no business been out of bed today. They were all a wonderful help with the arrangements. We have picked a spot to lay Mama and Papa to rest and Gene has taken several of the men back to dig the grave. You'll like Gene; he is quiet and a thinker like Jarrod, very thoughtful and caring. He is studying to be a doctor and I think he will make a wonderful one when his studies are finished." Esmeralda removed her travelling gloves and then the tie holding her long dark tresses back, giving her head a shake to allow her hair to cascade around her shoulders and down her back before rising from the bed to retrieve the two plates of sandwiches, passing one to Heath before sitting on the side of the bed.

Heath took a bit of sandwich and chewed it thoughtfully for a moment before swallowing. "You're happy that the Barkley's know who we are, who I am, Essie?"

Esmeralda swallowed her own bite of sandwich and nodded. "Yes Heath I am and relieved that we no longer have to keep the secret and pretend to be who we aren't. I know Papa did wrong but it was for the right reasons and I hope one day you will be able to forgive him for revealing it to Victoria."

Heath pulled Esmeralda close to him and squeezed her arm gently, "Nothing to forgive Essie, he was right, in fact you were all right, it was just my stubborn sense of honour and fear that kept me from contacting the family sooner."

Esmeralda turned to look at Heath with a raised eyebrow, "Fear, Heath?"

Heath nodded and smiled sheepishly at his wife. "I'd already lost so much, Mama, Aunt Rachel and Hannah; I didn't want to have ta face losing the Barkley's if they didn't want ta know me. I guess it was easier for me to know they were my family that way I couldn't lose them, than them not knowing me."

"Oh Heath, why didn't you ever say anything?" Essie curled into Heath's side, "I wouldn't have given you such a hard time about it if I'd known."

Heath kissed the top of his wife's head. "This is me we're talking about Ess. When do I ever admit to anything?"

Esmeralda sat up and slapped Heath on the arm, "Not often enough but that is going to change from here on in Mister Thomson Barkley. Do you hear me?"

"Loud and clear Missus Thomson Barkley." Heath pulled Esmeralda down and kissed her passionately on the lips. "I can't wait to get you alone in our own house." He breathed in her ear.

Esmeralda responded to the kiss before pushing back and sitting up to look around the empty room. "You do realize when we get to our place we won't be alone or have you forgotten about our children?" She patted her enlarged stomach, "Speaking of which…"

"Missus Barkley took them for some Grandmother; Grandchildren play a couple of hours ago."

"I know; they are all napping in the nursery according to Silas. What I was going to ask was when are we going to tell them that the Barkley's are their Aunt, Uncles and Grandmother?"

Heath sighed, "I was thinking about that and I think we should wait until after the funeral tomorrow. They will have enough to deal with, with their Grandparent's burial without adding extra complications and a lot of difficult questions."

Esmeralda nodded and snuggled down next to her husband again. "You're probably right, they are inquisitive and I don't think any of us will feel like answering all their questions tomorrow."

BV

Frank stepped through the French Doors of the study and moved across the verandah to stand beside Victoria, the heady smell of the roses assailing his nostrils as he lent against the verandah railing. "The children are all in bed asleep. Can I buy you that night cap now Victoria?"

Victoria turned her gaze from the night sky to smile warmly at Frank. "I'd like that thank you Frank, a sweet sherry I think."

Frank held out his arm for Victoria to slip hers around his and they walked back into the study. Victoria took a seat on the settee while Frank poured them both a drink, returning to the settee he handed Victoria her drink and then took a seat in the chair in front of Jarrod's desk. After taking a sip of his whisky, he looked at Victoria. "All the arrangements are finalized for tomorrow?"

"Sadly yes," Victoria sipped her sherry, "the undertaker and Father Joseph were out this afternoon, Gene organised for the grave to be dug and Silas has the food organised. I had thought to move the two wagons but then I realised that the Rogers' ranch house needs some repairs that Heath will not be able to undertake at the moment so they will come back here for the next couple of days while Nick and the men see to the repairs."

"Well I have to hand it to you Victoria, you seem to have everything under control and I know both Heath and Esmeralda appreciate all the help you and the family have given them."

"They are family too Frank." Victoria pointed out. "And this family looks after its' own."

Frank sipped at his whisky and eyed Victoria speculatively, "So they have all accepted Heath as Tom's son and their brother."

Victoria allowed a small smile to grace her lips, "I believe so Frank."

"Even Nick?"

"Yes Frank, even Nick. Nick's problem is not with Heath but with his father. He lived in his father's shadow from the moment he was born. He idolised Tom growing up, wanted to be just like him, run the ranch the way Tom did. And now he discovers that Tom wasn't the man he thought he was. Nick has a big heart and family means everything to him and he will do anything, fight anybody to protect this family and he thought that Tom shared those same values but that has proven in part to not be true and it is a bitter pill for Nick to swallow. Given enough time for Nick to sort through his feelings towards Tom, I know he will embrace this new brother and his family." Victoria swallowed the last of her sherry and stood. "Well we have a big day ahead of us tomorrow Frank so I think it is time we called it a night. You know I'm going to miss our nightly chats when you leave."

Frank stood and returned the two empty glasses to the tray holding the decanters of liquor and then offered his arm to Victoria again as they headed for the stairs. "So will I Victoria, it has been a real pleasure getting to know you, even under these circumstances. What's say we make another date for a couple of nightcaps when that bub up there decides to make an appearance?"

Victoria laughed softly as they ascended the sweeping staircase, "It's a long time since anyone has asked me on date Frank; I think I scare a lot of them off so yes I would like that very much." They stopped outside Frank's bedroom door, "Goodnight Frank."

"Night Victoria," Frank replied as Victoria disappeared down the hall to her room.

BV

Heath stood on the verandah steps, his arm around Esmeralda; their two children standing beside Audra and Gene who gripped one small hand in each of theirs as they watched the solemn procession of Barkley hands, led by Jarrod and Frank carry the two coffins to the waiting hearse. Out in the yard the remaining hands and Duke held the reins of the men's horses. Heath shook his head in wonder. The entire ranch crew had requested permission to attend the funeral and pay their respects the Gyorgy and Rosetta. In some small way they had all played a part in the events of the preceding days and none of them had wanted the young family to grieve alone.

With the coffins safely placed in the hearse the hands returned to their horses and Jarrod and Frank made their way to the family standing on the verandah. Eugene climbed into the driving seat of the carriage as Frank helped Esmeralda into the carriage and then lifted Tommy and Leah up to sit beside her. He turned back to Heath and squeezed the blond's uninjured shoulder before helping him into the carriage with his family. He had expected an argument that morning when the boy was informed that he would not be riding his horse but would instead be riding in the carriage with his family to the funeral and then they would be returning to the Barkley ranch for another week. But none was forthcoming, which only confirmed in Frank's mind the toll the last week had taken on his friend. He raised an eyebrow in silent query to Heath who only nodded in reply to let him know that he and the family we were fine. Closing the carriage door, Frank moved to gather the reins of his horse.

With the children safely in the carriage, Jarrod escorted Victoria and Audra to the waiting buggy. After settling the two women comfortably he gathered the lines from Ciego and climbed up onto the seat.

Nick strode through the front door of the house and stopped at the verandah steps surveying the groups waiting in the yard for the hearse to begin its slow trip to the Thomson's new property. He caught his mother's eye and gave her a small half smile and nod in reply. Striding down the steps he moved to the front of the carriage and eyed Gene who was looking at him questionably. "Take my horse Gene; I'll be driving my brother and his family to the funeral."