New weekend, new chappie~ Please enjoy~
Chapter E9: Girls' Talk.
"Gaah… That goddamn Albert, how dare he strangle a lady?!" (Anna)
"I don't know what really happened, but I'd imagine it to be your fault." (Touma)
With that, Anna, seemingly overcome by a sudden burst of anger, proceeded to kick me in the calf.
"Anyway, I want you to help me with investigating this shady stuff." (Anna)
"Erm. But I'm already busy with something Elaine asked of me. I would rather do these things in order. Is it alright if I concentrate on this problem first?" (Touma)
"Are you saying you won't heed my orders? The one who saved you from certain death?" (Anna)
She gave me a chilling glare. I answered her with a sigh.
"Anna, I believe it's too late for you to try pulling out the authoritative card." (Touma)
"Gaaah! Now this lil' Anna feels like she's been rejected. And it's breaking her heart." (Anna)
Her features returned to her usual laid-back self, and she patted me on the shoulder.
"Well, whatever. I wasn't going to force you to do it anyway. Also, I am curious about Elaine myself. So just don't forget to report what you find, alright?" (Anna)
"…" (Touma)
"What? Did you expect me to say that I'll kick your *ss if you don't listen to my orders or something?" (Anna)
"To be completely honest, I did entertain such a possibility." (Touma)
"Are you kidding me? I don't think this needs to be said now, but you're one of our most valued crusaders. That tutorial-like time when I could spend fooling around and ordering you is over now." (Anna)
"Yeah. I also like this you." (Touma)
"Right. Wait …E-Eh?" (Anna)
Anna froze in place, her mouth wide open.
"Did I say something strange?" (Touma)
"Eh? Ahh? E-Eh? …Um, just give me some time to collect myself. You mean it like, you know, you like me better when I'm laid-back as opposed to when I try to act bossy, right?" (Anna)
"Why? Of course." (Touma)
"Thank you very much. Yup, I totally get it. Totally get it. Goddamn, and I knew it from the start, but still! We ain't in Anna's route yet, are we?! Of course not... we are still stuck somewhere inside Book 2, after all." (Anna)
Anna began to blabber about nonsensical things.
Anyway—
"To be exact, it is the free-spirited nature of yours that I like…" (Touma)
—I felt like accurately specifying it so that there wouldn't be any further misunderstandings.
"Thanks, and of course you do. It is my charm point, after all. Now, just don't go around offering love and aggressive cuddling to everyone, alright?" (Anna)
"What? I don't think I mentioned anything about cuddling aggressively." (Touma)
"Yeah, well... Just don't mention stuff about like or love to other girls from now on, either." (Anna)
"…" (Elaine)
"See what you've done?! The possessive girl's in dismay again! And I told you to stop because I knew this would happen! Saying stuff like that half-heartedly is a taboo!" (Anna)
"Huh? T-Taboo?! Why…?" (Touma)
"I-I-It's okay! I don't mind, you two! Like at all! I'm alright! Totally alright! May your future road be laden with much unhappiness!" (Elaine)
"See? Now we got stuck in some romcom love-triangle routine. And you, Elaine, don't go thinking I didn't notice what you just did there!" (Anna)
"But… But… Uhh… uuuuuhhh! T.T" (Elaine)
Elaine assaulted me with an avalanche of light jabs. They didn't seem strong enough to cause serious damage, so I decided to observe the situation from the sides a little while longer.
"Um… Why are you poking me?" (Touma)
"Eh? Oh, well… It's just… you know… We were kind of… I thought… ugh, I don't know…" (Elaine)
"Touma~ Do you like me?" (Anna)
"Yes." (Touma)
"As a woman?" (Anna)
"…? What do you mean? I merely attested that I liked your usual attitude, I don't see how it should be related to the kind of like or love that you speak of." (Touma)
"Well, and that's that. Anyway, these romcom shenanigans are getting kind of boring, so let's make this the last one, okay?" (Anna)
"…" (Touma)
"I'm not planning to go soap opera-y here to constantly have people break up and come together again. Catch my drift, Elaine?" (Anna)
"Huh? I just… well… Um. But I don't want our group to splinter and grow distant because of this." (Elaine)
Elaine stole a glance at my face and proceeded to join her index fingers, making a peculiar shape with her hands. Could it be she suddenly remembered a sacred ritual from her original world?
"*sigh* Good grief. What am I going to do with you?" (Anna)
Anna gave me an accusing look.
"…?" (Touma)
"The biggest issue here is this dense, adamantium— heck, I think we should upgrade his status to a black hole at this point — b*stard with a puzzled look of "I have no idea of what these two are talking about."" (Anna)
"Ahhah… Ahaha." (Elaine)
"But I genuinely have no idea what you two are—" (Touma)
"And you don't need to know, black hole~." (Anna)
Anna gave me an uncharacteristically broad smile while Elaine followed it up with a troubled one. And why am I suddenly a b-black hole?
"Um…"
"Hyoeh?" (Anna)
Anna turned around to meet the surprising guest.
"What? Azura? …What gives?" (Anna)
Anna's eyebrows shot up in confusion as her little sister entered the scene. And I couldn't blame her for that.
"Yes. Um, actually… I wanted to ask your advice on a small matter." (Azura)
"A-Advice? You? From me?" (Anna)
Anna jumped back, bewilderment twisting her face. Was it something to be this surprised about?
"N-No, I would not want to force it all on you alone. If possible, I would like Lady Le Fay's and Lord Kamijou's assistance as well." (Azura)
"Hm. Not only me but the other two as well? Azura, just what are you scheming?" (Anna)
"I wouldn't call it a scheme. It's uh… um…" (Azura)
Azura stole a couple of glances our way. Elaine and I cocked our heads in return. We had no idea what she was going to say next.
Not to mention that she seemed somewhat flustered.
She kind of reminded me of how Elaine was seconds before.
"Well, um. Will you please hear me out?" (Azura)
"…?" (The Three)
We, our heads still cocked, exchanged glances.
"Whaaaat?!" (Elaine)
"WHAAAAT?!" (Anna)
Elaine and Anna proceeded to scream, while Azura flushed the color of crimson.
"P-Please do not yell." (Azura)
"…?" (Touma)
Not say a single word she said should have warranted screams of that fashion as far as I was concerned.
"She just let him sleep on her lap, correct? I do not see how that's such a big deal." (Touma)
"Anna!" (Elaine)
"Right-o. Here goes my special technique: liver blow to the fool that doesn't know better than to make light of a girl's pure dreams!"(Anna)
A ferocious blow crashed into my side.
"Ugh. The name's… too long…" (Touma)
With that as my last words, I fell to my knees.
"Well, putting that aside. So what if he slept on your lap? You're bragging, ain't you? I know you are, wench. You better know that we frag those who brag in these parts." (Anna)
"Um, well… maybe bragging did make 20% of my speech." (Azura)
"What about the remaining 80%?" (Elaine)
"I'm insecure, or rather perplexed. I do not quite know how I should treat Seth anymore." (Azura)
"Huh? Aren't you two married? Like being together in sickness and health and all that jazz?" (Elaine)
I was of the same opinion. My dislike for Seth notwithstanding, I knew I could at least trust him on taking care of Azura.
"Well, we are married in nothing but name. He is no longer my original Seth, not to mention that it hasn't been that long since the both of us were brought back together." (Azura)
"…" (The Three)
"So well, I do not know how I should act. All I know is just being together is not enough anymore." (Azura)
Hmm…
This was quite the dilemma.
I mean, I was the last person to hand out advice on matters of love, but I did agree with her assertion.
Marriage was not just about being together.
"Originally, I became wife to Seth not out of love, but circumstances. But now that those circumstances no longer bind us, I cannot grasp how I should act in such a relationship." (Azura)
"Um… So, basically you're interested in how spouses act?" (Elaine)
"Yes. And so, in order to learn more, I thought of consulting an expert with vast experience in this specific field." (Azura)
"V-Vast experience? E-Expert?" (Anna)
"Yes. I have heard many stories about the very b-bohemian lifestyle that you adopted after running away from our elder brother Cain." (Azura)
The first magician looked upon the face of her elder sister. The hint of red flashing across her face served volumes to show how much Azura looked up to her sister.
Upon seeing that Anna, however—
"Eh? Huh? W-Well, that's… Um… Yeah! YEAH! Sure! I went through all sorts of men like socks. Like socks, I'm telling you!" (Anna)
—got flustered for an entirely different reason.
"I understand. And that's precisely why I decided it would be best to seek advice on how to interact better with my husband from someone as experienced on these matters such as yourself."
"B-But you know. Unfortunately? …I am a witch, kind of. S-So I was only doing those, you know, o-o-one night stand thingies and stuff. Hence I'm not entirely sure if… um…" (Anna)
"…" (Touma)
Yeah, right.
From her highly flustered countenance, I could presume that the info regarding her that Nika provided us earlier was 100% spot-on.
Anyway…
"Y-Yeah. I think Elaine is a better person to ask for advice on your issues. Most definitely. Y-Yup! D-Don't you agree, Elaine?!" (Anna)
"Anna, what's going on with the pitch of your voice?" (Touma)
"And she's sweating profusely." (Elaine)
"And her face looks kind of flushed." (Azura)
"Sh-Sh-Shut up! I'm alright, you morons! I said, I'm alright! Anyway, Azura, just ask your things of Elaine, and—" (Anna)
"H-Hey, Anna, aren't you forgetting something? Newsflash: I have amnesia." (Elaine)
"S-So what if you have amnesia? You are more than extrovert enough to snag a couple of boyfriends already, you know!" (Anna)
"A-Are you crazy?! Extrovert, my *ss! I can barely take the talks about relationships and l-loving boys without getting a heart attack!" (Elaine)
"Aah, I'm starting to feel dubious if I'll receive any kind of help here." (Azura)
Azura covered her face with her hands.
"C-Calm down, Azura. If you think about it, there are very few magicians in St. Maurice that could entertain the idea of providing proper advice on love." (Anna)
"*sigh* And that's precisely why I'm at my wits' end." (Azura)
"So just give Elaine and me a bit of time to brainstorm, and I'm certain we'll come up with something. Don't they say that two heads are better than one?" (Anna)
"They also say that too many cooks spoil the broth." (Touma)
"BLACK-HOLE PUNCH!" (Anna)
I was nearly knocked off my feet by another lightning-fast blow to my liver. I wished I wasn't exposed to these inexplicable outbursts of violence on an hourly basis.
"Well... with the moron taken care of, let's proceed to discuss the matter at hand." (Anna)
"Um… you know, Mrs. Azura. There is something very important I would like to know first." (Elaine)
"Yes...?" (Azura)
"Do you love Mr. Seth?" (Elaine)
Azura answered Elaine's question with a troubled smile.
"I… um… You could say my life's only purpose is to be with him." (Azura)
From the moment of her birth, she was supposed to be Seth's wife. It was not love but circumstances that forced them to flock together.
Rather than marrying after falling in love, the members of the original human family were supposed to develop love after marrying their partners.
As one of the first married couples in the universe, their relationship was completely reversed from those of their progeny.
Unlike their descendants, they never possessed an element of choice.
But now that the original Seth had perished…
"Well, it's not you've to genuinely love him or anything. Even without love, you can flawlessly complete your role of being his companio— Hm, on second thought, maybe that's not such a good idea." (Anna)
"Yes. That won't do. I, too, once believed that simply being his companion would suffice... but, now, I want to love him in all senses of that word. I genuinely want to be his wife." (Azura)
"Well, there's plenty of time for you two. But since you already think of it like this, Mrs. Azura, maybe the two of you should first learn how lovers act, then scale your relationship up to match that of married couples." (Elaine)
"Act like lovers… is it?" (Azura)
Azura gave us a lonely smile.
Ahh, I see.
Even with her millennia spanning lifespan, she had yet to comprehend what that word truly meant. She was merely a companion to the original Seth, and as such the concept of "love" and "longing" was alien to her.
"Yeah, love! Love is the answer to all your problems. Don't you think so as well, Mrs. Azura?" (Elaine)
Elaine gave Azura a hearty smile.
"Do you agree as well, Azura?" (Touma)
"…" (Elaine)
"…Um." (Azura)
Elaine peered down deep into Azura's eyes. Her own eyes were full of vigor, radiating an odd glow of honesty that seemed to rather unnerve the original magician.
"I… don't know. I wonder if the feeling I harbor for Seth is truly love?" (Azura)
"Azura." (Anna)
Anna's voice had a callous, wintry tint to it, almost as if it rose from the chilly depths of the ocean.
"The answer to that question is something you have to figure out yourself. You can't task someone else to determine your feelings for you. These aren't matters others can help you with. Understand?" (Anna)
"Y-Yes…" (Azura)
"Well, that aside, I like that you're finally showing some incentive to improve your relationship with Seth and all. I always felt that it was kind of weirdly platonic, tbh. This is a good sign."
"Yeah!" (Elaine)
"…Really?" (Azura)
"..." (Touma)
I couldn't help but question that incentive because I still, quite inexplicably, seemed to absolutely loathe that man.
As such, I didn't really get Azura's motivation in trying to fall in love with him so desperately.
But well, I should probably trust the opinions of Anna and Elaine more than mine regarding this particular matter.
"Then… Maybe you two should go on a date." (Elaine)
"Wha?!" (Anna)
"What do you mean by a date, Lady Le Fay?" (Azura)
Anna let out a startled cry, while Azura cocked her head to the side in confusion.
"D-Date? How could you suggest something that indecent?!" (Anna)
"How is it indecent?! If anything, that's exactly what they currently need." (Touma)
"Eh? Eh? Is it indecent, or not indecent…?" (Azura)
"He he he. A date is when you set up a meeting with your better half somewhere in town, stroll around discussing trivial matters, hold each other's hands, enjoy yourself in various new places, and finally—" (Elaine)
"—MAKE BABIES!" (Anna)
With what seemed to be an explosion in the background, Anna roared something completely tactless for everyone to hear.
0.0 (All else)
"O-Oi, Anna, didn't you just skip a lot of steps here?" (Touma)
I tried to point out the flaw in her logic.
This was going way off the rails. Wasn't I supposed to be the person with no common sense in this group?
"B-Babies, you say…?" (Azura)
Azura's face flushed the color of a tomato.
It appeared she knew how babies were made, not like this was the best time to analyze her carnal knowledge.
"Huh? But ain't that the whole point of dates?" (Anna)
Anna proceeded to pick her nose with a dismissing expression on her face.
"N-N-Not even close! Dates are more, you know, sacred… and pure! Right, Kamijou-san?!" (Elaine)
"Mhm… I've never been on a date before so I'm not exactly certain. But as far as I know, in this world, couples would set a meeting, hold each other's hands, cuddle with each other, and…" (Touma)
In the end—
"…sometimes perform acts that might result in the female conceiving, or sometimes not." (Touma)
Well, I suppose that is where all the build-up eventually led up to, after all.
"See? Ignoramuses." (Anna)
"Oh my…" (Azura)
"Kamijou-san, how dare you betray me?! Dates are a lot more beautiful, and decent, and pure than what you make them out to be!" (Elaine)
"Th-That depends on the person! That heavily depends on the people involved!" (Touma)
"Does Mrs. Azura look like that sort of person to you?! Does Mr. Seth look like that sort of person to you?!" (Elaine)
"…Well, Azura doesn't, but I don't know about Seth. I wouldn't be surprised if he tried to go all-in on their first date." (Touma)
"Uh, that's one intimidating face you've just pulled off, Kamijou-san." (Elaine)
"Seth and him just can't see eye to eye it seems." (Anna)
"Well, that is not something within my power to change, I suppose." (Azura)
"Anyway, what I wanted to say is that dates are beautiful. Why don't you test if you're in love with Mr. Seth by inviting him on one?" (Elaine)
"You must be correct, Lady Le Fay. Thank you much for your wisdom." (Azura)
"Well, I suppose it is settled, then. Hey, by the way, isn't there still one more problem?" (Touma)
"Huh? Which problem?" (Anna)
"Where will they go on their date?" (Touma)
I imagined since Azura never went out on a date with Seth before, she should theoretically be facing this problem.
And, as to why I took an incentive to help her, even I could not fully comprehend the reason behind my actions.
"Ah." (The Three)
The voices of the three girls resonated in a beautiful unison. It was just like I had surmised.
"Ohh… Yeah… Right… Where would they go?" (Anna)
"It is best to visit places you normally don't visit otherwise. Like a beach, or a movie theatre, or maybe the amusement park." (Elaine)
"Won't places we normally visit work? I don't think Seth would be interested in going to a movie or an amusement park with me." (Azura)
"It isn't that it wouldn't work. But, um, people usually aim for visiting new places because it is more fun that way." (Elaine)
Much like what Elaine just stated, people tend to form earlier prejudices or biases regarding places they normally frequent.
New places provide people with stimuli they aren't used to. And, with those new feelings as the catalyst, they would discern if the partners in their company were indeed significant to them or not.
Not to mention the mutual dependence that arises from the shared anticipation of the unknown is said to be one of the main selling points of having a successful date.
In that aspect, you can call dates of this world courtship yet kind of a recreational activity.
Not that I ever participated in one. But from all the information available at my disposal, I am pretty sure that that's how it is supposed to be.
"I, too, think it is best to do something together in a place you both aren't used to." (Touma)
"Both of us, was it? …But where in the world would I find such a place?"
I overlooked a small fact.
Azura was not a normal human girl. She had been to every single place on the planet ad nauseum. As such, finding an interesting place to visit was quite the tall order.
"Hm… How about venturing somewhere in the temples? The view of Paris was quite breathtaking, really. It should be quite different from what you're used to in the past." (Elaine)
"Oh, Vilnius is an option, too. You can surely find your way around the first temple, can't you?" (Anna)
"Yes, I suppose." (Azura)
For some reason, Azura looked a bit crestfallen. As such—
"I don't think a temple would serve as a particularly romantic destination for dates." (Touma)
—I once again decided to assist her.
"Um… Yeah." (Azura)
"Hmm. But then, where? Oh, just wait a sec! I know of one other really good place!" (Anna)
"…Good place?" (Azura)
"Yeah. And I'm sure not even a chronic globetrotter like you would have anything to complain about the scenery. Though I'm not certain how comfortable it would be for a picnic, I'm sure it will tickle your fancy!" (Anna)
"…Ooh! Just where exactly do you have in mind?" (Azura)
Even Azura couldn't help but feel baffled by Anna's words.
With small stars in her eyes, Azura seemed genuinely interested in the existence of a place even she didn't know of.
I felt like we just witnessed a very rare side of her.
"Look forward to it, kiddo. You won't be disappointed~ Alrighty then, guess I'll have to talk to him. This is gonna be fun~!" (Anna)
Anna ran away with a cheer.
What on earth was on her mind?
"It's good to see my sister as cheerful as ever." (Azura)
The smile on Azura's lips had a tint of envy as she saw Anna off.
"Nevertheless, a date with Mr. Seth, huh." (Elaine)
"I certainly hope your affair will not end up in an uncomfortable silence." (Touma)
Elaine, with a beaming smile on her lips, proceeded to pinch the area close to my right arm's elbow with tremendous force. Considering my guard was completely down, it hurt very much.
"Please don't jinx her, Kamijou-san~" (Elaine)
"Ah. To tell you the truth, I am a bit worried about that myself… If possible, I would have liked my sister to accompany us, but…" (Azura)
"Wait a second. Doesn't Anna have some serious issues with Seth?" (Touma)
"Yes. She never saw eye to eye with the original one. However, she seems to be somewhat comfortable around the new one." (Azura)
"Hmm. That is still no good, Mrs. Azura. Even if she doesn't have any issues, going on a date with your "shared" biological sister might sour the atmosphere completely." (Elaine)
Indeed. That didn't exactly paint the most romantic of scenes.
Not to mention nothing good might arise from Anna getting along with Seth.
"Not to mention if you wish to have someone to accompany you on your date, you should at least have four people. It is mandatory to have an even number with equal number of guys and gals in the group."
Indeed, a reasonable choice.
The main idea here was a double or a multiple date. That way the extra person won't end up being the third wheel.
"But in the case of such dates the phenomenon of "partner change" might occur if you're really unlucky." (Touma)
"Well, I admit it happens; sometimes the boyfriend can get charmed by the other woman, and vice versa." (Elaine)
"Exactly." (Touma)
"Oh, then could I ask you two to accompany us, Lady Le Fay, Lord Kamijou? My mind will be greatly relieved if you do." (Azura)
Azura flashed us a rare beaming smile.
After falling silent for a few seconds, Elaine and I slowly looked at each other.
"Eh?" (The Two)
What did she just ask of us?
"Eeeeeeeh?" (Elaine)
"…" (Touma)
It was for the first time in my life that I was completely dumbstruck.
Guest Reviews and Author Notes:
Mr. X: Thanks a ton for the review, as usual. Time to answer the questions this time round ^^
1) Thanks a lot for the correction. It is fixed now :3
2) Hmm. I'd say it wouldn't (at least not completely). Allow me to explain why I feel so: Kami-yan disease is an unofficial name that Tsuchimikado refers to the phenomenon of Touma's IB cutting people's strings of fate.
The string of fate is a Japanese culture-specific thing that states a thread connects the ring fingers of would-be future spouses. But since this is, quite obviously, a supernatural phenomenon, the strings are negated by IB. Hence, we get a valid justification for the harem-inducing syndrome of Touma.
As such, it should not work on already married people. Not to mention that a lot of married unnamed people should have logically come in contact with Touma over all these years. It is absurd to think that they would all divorce their husbands for him (which is wrong on so many levels). This also makes me feel like it isn't the whole thing behind why Kamijou has the harem that he has. We shouldn't forget that Touma isn't the only person with a harem in canon. Kamisato has one, Accel is developing a small one, too. Hmm, Shiage is settled for Takitsubo, but there might be some unrequited love going around him, too.
But that is just one side of the story. Now to explain why I feel like it might work partially. This, too, can be justified. If Kami-yan disease isn't related to the red strings at all and is thus just a fancy name cooked up by Tsuchimikado, then there is no overarching justification beneath its workings. Kami-yan disease is the name of the feeling of "simply being indebted to Touma," which can be romantic (in the case of harem members) and simply associative (with non-harem members like Queen Elizard, etc). Associative Kami-yan disease should affect everyone regardless of gender, age, or marital status. You can even argue that it might be the Coronavirus equivalent of their world (albeit in a good way) ^^
3) Yup. She is in this Book. She will play quite a major role. Although it will be even more pronounced in Book 3 ^^
With the questions answered, moving on to the trivia section.
Just a fun short chapter jaja… nothing more ^^
See ya next time with one of the most awkward dates in one of the most awkward locations jaja. Please look forward to it :D
~VG outto~