An exciting rock tune played and the crowd cheered as two spotlights shone down, illuminating only a love seat upon an elevated stage. A young man swaggered into the spotlight, wearing a green tuxedo and a proud smile on his face. He waved to the audience as he was joined by a second young man, this one shorter and looking far less excited, wearing a purple tuxedo.
The two took their seats upon the couch as the music faded out and the rest of the stage lights slid on.
"Helloooooo, everybodyyyyyy!" the man in green began. "And welcome... to the Total Drama Party with the Stars Aftermath show!"
He paused to allow more cheering, which occurred, albeit not as saturated as before.
"It's going to be... well, it's going to be something, I think I can say at least that for certain," the man in purple mentioned.
"Everything is something," the man in green claimed.
"Exactly. This way nobody can claim I'm lying," the man in purple explained. "It's called damning by faint praise."
"Well, you and I are people who need no introduction, as we've had more than our share of faint praise," the man in green grinned.
"What? No, 'faint praise' is-" the man in purple began.
"I'm the one and only, Lester Jay!" the man in green, Lester, introduced. "And I'm joined here by my player two of the Aftermath show. You know him, you love him, River Casentini!"
"For those who, for whatever reason, started watching with an All-Stars season, Lester and I are also veterans of this waking nightmare known as Total Drama," River explained. "Thankfully, we get to sit back and laugh at everyone who decided that playing a second time was a valuable use of their time."
"Says the guy who accepted a job on Total Drama at all," Lester chuckled. "Something you'd only do if you thought it was a valuable use of your time."
"And how's your Let's Play channel going?" River snipped. "Or did your Twitter cancelation actually kill your viewership?"
"Look, we've all made dumb offensive jokes in the past, none of that is here nor there," Lester said flatly.
"Are you guys going to acknowledge us, or is your lovers' quarrel going to have one thing lead to another?" a pale girl grunted from a nearby set of couches, which housed several other young adults.
"Ah, yes, thanks for the save, Erica," Lester acknowledged. "Yes, for our Aftermath show, we've invited as many former players from the Party era of Total Drama as we could to weigh in with their thoughts."
"Obviously, that's a lot of people, so for the sake of each show, we're only inviting people who were at least vaguely associated with whoever was just eliminated to that particular Aftermath," River explained. "Some people were bigger stretches than others, but we did what we could, here."
"From Total Drama House Party, say hello to Erica, David, and Tucker!" Lester introduced. "All former allies of Ernie's."
"What's up, everyone?!" David shouted.
"The volume of your voice," Erica complained as she picked her ear.
"Yeah, Tucker missed you guys, too," Tucker commented dryly.
"Total Drama Alpha Party had a pretty big cast, so to see Isidora, we have Warwick, Phoenix, Osric, Ursula, Vardaman, and Ronoc," River added.
Phoenix coughed as he looked at Ronoc, who was smoking a cigar. "Is that really necessary?"
"Always," Ronoc responded.
"Even if you don't inhale the smoke, you're still at risk for mouth cancer," Vardaman warned.
"I told you," Ursula mentioned to Osric.
"Look, smoking is hot, but so are a lot of other things you do for me," Osric chuckled. "I'll live without that particular box checked."
"Glad to see that the more things change, the more they stay the same," Warwick said as he twirled his mustache.
"And sadly, we lost two of our Virtual Party reps already!" Lester lamented. "So to see Lilith and Joseph, we've got Jynxie, Wanda and Zelda, and Dunstan and Felix!"
"What do we have to do with Lilith?" Zelda asked Wanda.
"You three all helped me in the finale, obviously. Hahaha!" Jynxie laughed.
"That, or we didn't really fit anyone else any better," Wanda shrugged.
"At least it's obvious that we fit our bro, huh?" Felix asked Dunstan.
"Undoubtedly!" Dunstan agreed. "A shame he left so soon!"
"It's good to see you guys!" Lester told the peanut gallery. "A lot's changed over the years."
"That does tend to happen as people age," River chimed in.
"Who wants to give us any big updates on their lives before we get into the All-Stars?" Lester offered. "Felix, I see you're fully clothed."
"And the world thanks you for it!" Dunstan added.
"I still live a natural lifestyle. At least at home," Felix explained. "Ever since Cosette and I moved in together, she's helped me feel more comfortable wearing clothes in public, and I've helped her feel more comfortable feeling free in private. It's a pretty great arrangement if I do say so myself."
"Speaking of couples who met on the show, it seems like Osric and Ursula are still going strong," Lester segued.
"Freaks of a feather flock together," Ursula grinned. "That's the whole premise of The Birds."
"Neither of us is at a point where we're ready to live together, but maybe someday..." Osric added.
"Before anyone asks, because people always do, no, David is not involved with my mom," Erica informed everyone.
"Wasn't going to ask, but thanks for the tip," River responded.
"Honestly, I'm flattered that people even think that could happen," David chuckled.
"I was actually going to ask about the rumors involving Tucker," Lester mentioned.
"Oh boy, that could go in all sorts of directions," Tucker winced.
"Is it true you're really dating Amelie, runner up of Alpha Party?" Lester asked.
"Oh, that? That's for her to disclose at her own discretion," Tucker half-answered.
"So basically 'yes'," Zelda reasoned out.
"More importantly, how on Earth did that end up happening?!" Warwick questioned.
"Like Tucker said, it's for her to disclose at her own discretion," Tucker shrugged.
"Dare I ask what you thought he was going to bring up?" Phoenix asked.
"People who have only seen Tucker on this show have a bad impression of him," Tucker said. "Understandably so, but even after Tucker and Lauren started our charity, some people can look past that and focus on what happened on the show. But this isn't about Tucker."
"That's right, it isn't!" Lester attested. "And that's why I think it's time to bring in our first guest already!"
"You sure? I'm in no rush," River groused.
"But what was in a rush..." Lester began. "Uh, the, uh, her team. To vote her out!"
"You should teach a course on public speaking," River remarked.
"You should teach a course on making friends," Lester clapped back. "Anyway, after spending her last season slipping by people's radars despite her desire to sow discord amongst everyone, she was brought back for another chance to cause unrest. Sadly, nobody really seemed to be putting up with it this time around, and she became the first victim of our illustrious new season. Everyone put your hands together for Lilith Acerola!"
Scattered applause sounded throughout the auditorium as Lilith entered from the side of the stage opposite where the peanut gallery was sitting. She took a seat on an empty couch near Lester and River.
"Mweeheehee. Hello, people who weren't relevant enough to come back to actually play," Lilith waved.
"Yeah, I don't know if I could have stomached playing with this cast," River refuted. "It was hard enough dealing with the mostly laidback Explore Party cast. These tryhards? I'm glad I passed on playing this time."
"Aw, but River you get to deal with me nooooow~" Lilith winked.
"Lilith was robbed!" Jynxie called out.
"Was she?" Zelda doubted.
"I liked her," Ursula snickered.
"Now, Lilith," Lester began. "It seems like you went into this season with mostly the same strategy as last time, if not playing a bit harder out of the gate. Care to shed a little insight on your game plan? What was your win condition?"
"Win condition? I knew I was never going to win," Lilith giggled. "I only wanted to stay around to spread unrest to the others. As long as I could do that, then it would be worth it... and then the unrest hit me! Mweeheeheeheehee... Isn't life ironic?"
"Don'tcha think?" Ronoc added.
"Has anyone ever told you how hilarious you are?" Erica sneered.
"I try," Ronoc smirked.
"But what's with the obsession with unrest?" River asked. "You keep saying something about people being ghosts when they die, but nobody here is close to dying."
"People can die at the most inopportune times, you know," Lilith chuckled. "Remember how Kobe Bryant and his family died in that helicopter crash? Mweeheeheehee... It could happen to you, too!"
This was met with boos from the crowd and a few of the peanut gallery.
"Yes, yes, keep booing, please~" Lilith moaned.
"Yeah, that's another thing, do you just have a humiliation fetish, or do you genuinely believe in the importance of unrest turning you into a ghost on the off chance you die suddenly?" River continued.
"Of course I believe in the importance of becoming a ghost," Lilith said solemnly. "Do you really think I'd be lying to you this whole time?"
"Long-term lies are one of the most powerful ways to upset someone," Lester mentioned.
"Hm, that's true..." Lilith realized.
"Don't give her ideas," River scolded.
"Hey, you're a doctor, right? Do you know what's wrong with her?" David asked Vardaman.
"I ain't that kind of doctor," Vardaman explained.
"If I had to guess, she just wants attention," Phoenix claimed. "Wanting attention is the crux of a lot more human action than one may realize."
"Is it why you just explained that to us?" Jynxie snickered.
"There is nothing wrong with educating people about something interesting!" Dunstan claimed.
"That actually leads to our first viewer question!" Lester announced.
"Viewers? How does that work?" Osric asked.
"While, at the time of this recording, the show hasn't been edited or aired yet, we have a few VIP fans who have had access to a live feed of the show's important moments," Lester explained. "And some of them have provided questions for our ousted players."
"How interesting," Warwick commented.
"This one comes from TheGreatTactician," Lester read from a cue card. "They want to know: 'Does Lilith even have any friends? How the fuck does she even afford to live? Genuinely, how does a person like that function?' Very to-the-point, there."
"I like this person. They're speaking my language," River snickered.
"Of course I have friends. I'm not River," Lilith giggled.
"Hey!" River objected.
"I'm not the only one who sees value in spreading unrest to all I can," Lilith said. "I'm one of only two people in the group who believes in ghosts, sadly, but my friends still at least understand me. My parents pay for my college arrangements, so I don't have to worry about any of those expenses. All the money they're dumping and wasting on poor, pathetic me..." She mewled.
"Dare I ask what you're studying?" River asked.
"Occult studies," Lilith answered.
"Yeah, I don't know what else I expected, that's on me," River admitted.
"And for that last question... Whoever I said I was functioning? Mweeheeheeheehee!" Lilith giggled.
"That's pretty badass," David grinned.
"Dude, where were you during my season?" Jynxie asked David.
"Already in my 20s. I couldn't have been in VP if I tried," David tsked.
"One last question, Lilith, and this is one we're asking to all four of our guests tonight," Lester continued. "Our VIP fans asked this a lot, so here goes: Who do you want to win, and who do you want to see leave next?"
"I appreciate Nolan's complete disregard for anyone but himself in how he plays," Lilith answered. "He's going to upset looooooots of people if he sticks around, so I hope he wins. For who I want to see go next, Quentin is sooooo boring, always trying to stay positive and friendly. That's not what Total Drama is for! If he doesn't end up cracking under the pressure, I hope he just leaves!"
"There's nothing wrong with staying positive and friendly when things get rough!" Wanda claimed. "It worked like a charm for me, I'd say."
"It didn't work well enough for you to be invited back," Lilith smiled.
"Should I tell her?" Wanda whispered to Zelda.
"Don't embarrass me," Zelda told her bluntly.
"That wasn't necessary," Vardaman frowned.
"Wanda was asked back but didn't accept out of respect for Zelda not being asked back," Ronoc whispered to him.
"That ain't nobody's business but theirs," Vardaman reprimanded.
Ronoc just took a puff of his cigar uncaringly.
"Why don't we bring out our next guest?" Lester suggested.
"Might as well. I'm not getting any younger," River figured.
"Every second that passes brings us all one second closer to death," Lilith informed.
"Our next guest was one of the big fan favorites of her original season," Lester built up. "Thanks to her dry wit and shrewd gameplay, she established herself as a sleeper threat who was able to make the right connections and sway the votes in ways that benefited her, all despite her anemia and introverted disposition. This time around, though, her team caught on to her skills early on, and, after a chaotic elimination ceremony, she suddenly found the votes being turned against her. Give it up for Isidora Foshee!"
The crowd erupted into cheers as Isidora made her way onto the stage. She sat on the opposite end of the guest sofa from Lilith.
"I don't bite," Lilith purred.
"I think I'd prefer it if that was all you did," Isidora told her.
"I see..." Osric chuckled.
Ursula smacked him on the arm.
"Come on, it was right there, I wasn't just going to not comment on it," Osric insisted.
"It was kind of low-hanging fruit," Tucker told him.
"Imagine Tucker of all people accusing you of grabbing low-hanging fruit," Erica snickered.
"Anyway," Isidora interrupted.
"Yes, back to the interviews!" Lester agreed. "You'd mentioned in confessionals that your goal was to stay mostly under-the-radar at the start, and only make big moves when absolutely necessary. Do you think you were able to pull that off, if even a little?"
"My biggest regret in this game will always be dignifying Steve Jenkins," Isidora claimed. "Not only because he's annoying as sin, but because pretending like I was working with him was what led to my 'working with everyone' perception that I really should have tried harder to avoid. I made a whole deal to Ernie to not underestimate people, and then I went and did just that anyway. It doesn't feel good."
"People's perceptions of you can be your strongest tool or your biggest burden," Phoenix commented.
"I'll say," Felix agreed awkwardly.
"Like I said when I was voted out, I don't think there was much I could have done differently," Isidora continued. "People just suddenly decided I was a huge threat, never mind the fact that the likes of Shadya and Vladimir are still in the game, not to mention Irving and Brittany."
"Is there anyone in particular you're mad at, or blame for your elimination?" River asked.
"I feel like, for someone who was supposedly in my corner, Vladimir put more heat on me than was necessary," Isidora accused. "I know he was a target, too, but moving everyone's eyes on me wasn't the only, or probably even the best way to save himself. Not that I ever trusted him much to begin with, but still, Vladimir's gameplay is confusing me. Bailey and Brittany, too, were supposed to be on my side as well as Shadya's and Ernie's, and, well, look how that turned out."
"It's almost like this game encourages stabbing people in the back for your own personal gain," Zelda scowled as she glanced at Jynxie.
"It's definitely worked well for some people," Osric contributed.
"I was able to win without backstabbing anyone," David claimed.
"Tucker? Ernie? Kiki?" Erica reminded him.
"I do not believe you need to be dishonest in order to win, but even I have to admit that it does help!" Dunstan conceded.
"We'll just see how well it works out for everyone involved," Isidora decided. "There's still a lot of game left to play."
"Next question," Lester segued. "It's been mentioned before that you consider both your anemia and your introversion as your biggest obstacles when it comes to Total Drama. Which do you consider to be the bigger mountain to overcome?"
"My lack of people skills, for sure," Isidora answered. "You could be completely useless at all other aspects of the game, but as long as people like you, they'll be a lot less inclined to vote you out. I'm not going to name names, but this has been proven with concrete examples. My anemia being a factor in my challenge performance has also been an issue for me in this game; I still think I could have won Alpha Party if I had Invincibility at final five. But a lot of what the game boils down to is getting people to not want to vote you out. And I wasn't able to accomplish that, while more charismatic players like Irving and Brittany have proven able to do so."
"I don't know. Most of Explore Party's cast didn't like me, and somehow I made it to the final two," River mentioned.
"Obviously nothing is universal in Total Drama, but you asked me about my experience with it, so I gave you an answer that pertains to my experience with it," Isidora added.
"You can't really argue with that," Warwick chortled.
"If anything, I'd say River is an exception to the rule," Ronoc added.
"I usually am, for better or worse," River claimed.
"What does that even mean?" Lester asked.
"I don't know. Viewer question," River dodged.
"Ah, yes, the viewer question!" Lester recalled as he fished a cue card from his jacket. "This one comes from DrMonkeyman. They ask of Isidora: 'Are her and Warwick still good friends? And if so, what's he up to now?'"
"That sounds more like a question for Warwick than for me," Isidora commented. She looked to Warwick over in the peanut gallery. "It always comes back to you and me, doesn't it?"
"I've told you before, you've inspired me to make a better man of myself," Warwick acknowledged.
"Not to mention my brother. I guess she just has that effect on people," Vardaman chuckled.
"Not sure how, but I'll take it," Isidora figured. "Anyway, yes, I think I mentioned this in confessionals a few times, but they might not have seen those. Warwick and I are still pretty close friends. I think we actually talk to each other just about every day, which isn't something I could ever have said about a lot of people."
"As for what I'm up to now, I've taken to writing novels for elementary school kids!" Warwick revealed. "Those of you with young students may have heard of my 'Kingdom of Kwicraw' series. It's sold a few copies."
"And only a few; let's not pretend, here," Isidora smirked.
"It's got a cult following, that's all it is!" Warwick insisted.
Lilith giggled at the discourse.
"I'm pretty sure I've seen those on Cassius's bookshelf, now that you mention it," Vardaman commented.
"Yes, your brother and his wife are usually among the first to buy a new book upon release," Warwick confirmed.
"I'm happy to support a friend, and, if Cash and I ever decide to have kids, those books will be good to have around," Isidora smiled.
"Not going to lie, chief, that's kind of beautiful," Lester choked up.
"I am weeping tears of joy on the inside as well," River claimed nonchalantly. "Anyway, for the obligatory final question, Isidora, who are you rooting for to win, and who do you want to be the next to go?"
"I mean, I would have said I wanted Ernie to win, but..." Isidora shook her head. "Out of who's left, I'd say Shadya was the person I was closest to, in spite of everything. I'd like to see her pull something off. As for who I want to go next, that's a bit tougher, because I'm not a huge fan of... pretty much every Gryphon left besides Shadya. And that includes Bailey, for backstabbing me for no reason. Hugh and I have a little history, and the longer he lasts, the more embarrassing it is for me, so if I had to pick one person I want to go next, it's Hugh."
"Hugh is a punk, but he's proven that he knows how to make it pretty far," Phoenix thought aloud.
"It wouldn't be the last time we'd see one of those," Dunstan remarked.
"You still won, you've got nothing to complain about!" Jynxie accused.
"My time in Virtual Party would have been vastly preferable without you in it," Dunstan claimed.
"You loved every second of it and you know it," Jynxie asserted.
"You cannot gaslight me, Kacey!" Dunstan accused.
"Aw, I'm so glad to see them back together," Wanda swooned.
"Did they ever...?" Osric whispered to Felix.
"Not to my knowledge," Felix answered.
"Speaking of Virtual Party shenanigans, our third guest also hails from that illustrious season!" Lester spoke up. "Living strongly by the bro code, he sought to play an honest and laidback game, but quickly discovered that anything can be going on behind your back when people he thought he could trust voted out his ally, and then him. This season, he joined up with a strong alliance on his team right out of the gate, but his powerful tension with a key member of his team, combined with some bad luck, meant another surprise led to another elimination. What does he think about everything that's going on? Let's find out! Here's Joseph Agolli!"
Joseph made his way on stage, met with cheers and boos from the crowd, and sat on the sofa behind Lilith and Isidora.
"Damn, that's quite the reaction to someone who went home so early," Joseph said.
"You get used to it," Zelda commented.
"It feels like people weren't booing me last time, but then again, I didn't meet a lot of fans in person," Joseph mentioned.
"You also didn't have a gender-relations-fueled rivalry with another contestant last time," Ronoc pointed out. "I'm not going to say it didn't make sense for it to happen here, but it divided people on you, to say the least."
"Look, bro, I never had anything against Kiki until she started accusing me of being something I'm not," Joseph said seriously.
"That leads us to question one," Lester picked up. "Obviously, you and Kiki didn't get along swimmingly during your time in the game. Is there anything you wish you had done differently in regards to your relationship with Kiki?"
"I don't know, bro," Joseph sighed. "I was just minding my own business when I think Louise told me that Kiki had it out for me because I follow the bro code or something, then Kun tells me that she just left the alliance we were in together. I tried talking to her, and then she starts accusing me of being sexist when she's the one who abandoned her bros to form an all-girls alliance to make a statement or whatever. I don't even have anything against all-girls anything, but it's like, she did it solely to spite me or something. I ignored her once I realized that we just weren't going to get along and she didn't want to try and fix that. I don't know what else I could have done."
"Did it ever occur to you that maybe you are, in fact, sexist?" Erica asked.
"How?" Joseph disbelieved. "Straight-up, Cyan and Louise were my best friends in the game. I don't think less of women inherently. Just if they're being hoes. It's the same as with people who aren't women."
"Calling people 'bros' and 'hoes' isn't making a good case," Ursula mentioned. "Why do you insist on that?"
"I mean... that's kind of real talk," Joseph admitted.
"This question was going to happen anyway," River chimed in.
"You sure you want to ask this one?" Lester made sure.
"Might as well," River figured. "You mentioned something about a bad ex-girlfriend and how Kiki reminds you of her. Any further insight on that?"
"Yeah, that's the real talk," Joseph sighed. "I think I compared Lilith to her, too, in the past, but yeah, my ex Maddie..."
"Awwwwwww, you think about me," Lilith cooed.
"That! That right there!" Joseph accused. "Accusing me of saying something I'm not, trying to emotionally manipulate me to get her own way, gaslighting me, making me apologize for things she started, making me out to be a piece of shit, so I feel like a piece of shit, and..." Joseph took a deep breath. "It was straight-up abusive, which took me years to realize. My bros were the only ones who really understood where I was coming from when I tried talking to people about it. That's when we swore to abide by the bro code, to make sure bros never have to deal with hoes alone again."
"This all sounds like Lauren from my season, so I feel you," David shuddered.
"Okay, Lilith, I get, but Kiki's got her own baggage with the opposite sex, too, you know. It's not like she was out to get you for no reason," Zelda pointed out.
"It sure felt like it. I wanted to be bros with her, I really did, but she clearly didn't want to be bros, and it showed," Joseph frowned.
"Sometimes, you just have to let sleeping dogs lie," Tucker proposed.
"Kiki wasn't a sleeping dog, though! She was actively targeting me!" Joseph cried. "And then I did just leave her alone once I realized she wanted nothing to do with me!"
"Let's move on to a more lighthearted topic, shall we?" Lester suggested. "You got along with Jayne pretty well when you were still in the game. Obviously, people suspect there's something there between you two, but you've claimed otherwise. Do you think there's any chance of something more happening?"
"Oh, Jayne?" Joseph acknowledged. "They're cool as hell, but I just see them as a sibling. I guess nothing's impossible, but I'm not in any rush to change things between us. I'm not really looking for a relationship right now, anyway. I've got to focus on number one, first and foremost. Live my life for the sake of my own happiness. Because everyone deserves to be happy with themselves and their life."
"An excellent mindset!" Warwick agreed.
"Wait a minute, Jayne the robot?" Isidora asked in disbelief. "That's something I missed completely."
"Haven't you been watching the live feeds?" Wanda asked. "Those two are adorable together!"
"Honestly? I'm too annoyed with this game to be watching the people who screwed me over succeeding even more," Isidora refused. "It's actually driven me to socialize with some of the others staying here."
"Oh hey, that's true, I do still get to hang out with all the bros over in this area," Joseph approved. "Who needs the game when we've got each other!"
"Don't get too happy just yet. We've still got a viewer question for you," River snickered as he held a cue card where people could see it. "Nobody245 asks Joseph: 'Are you more angry at Kiki for her overall treatment of you while on the show, or Nolan who voted you out on a whim and convincing others to follow his lead?'"
"Oh, Kiki, easily," Joseph answered. "I mean, no cap, Nolan picking targets at random is still really stupid in my opinion. I kind of disregarded it early on, because I didn't think it was actually going to matter, but I guess the planets aligned in a way that specifically screwed me over. That sucks. But he wasn't being malicious, he's just trying to do something different with the game because he thinks it's cool. I can respect that at least a little. I have a much harder time forgiving Kiki when I never did anything to her and she still just went all-in on me, on purpose."
"Differences in ideology can be a killer," Felix counseled.
"They can be fine. They can be a good thing, even," Ronoc claimed. "The thing to remember is that nobody wants their mind changed and that nobody takes well to being told they're wrong."
"Nobody asked for your pretentious philosophy, nerd!" Jynxie reprimanded. She smacked Ronoc on the back of the head.
"See, I didn't take well to that, and now Jynxie won't have any more lines in this chapter," Ronoc scowled.
"How are you going to enforce that?" Warwick doubted.
"It is a mystery," Ronoc said cryptically.
"Last question for Joseph," Lester segued. "Who are you rooting for to win this game, and who do you want to see go home next?"
"Oh, that's easy. I want Cyan or Louise to win, and Kiki to go home next," Joseph relayed. "If I'm only allowed to pick one person to win, I'll pick Louise. I feel like she and I had a lot in common, so she was one hell of a bro. Cyan was too, of course, but if I have to pick one..."
"Mweeheehee... It's interesting to know how much more you value one friend over the other," Lilith claimed. "If their lives were on the line, and you could only save one..."
"Shut up. Shut up!" Joseph shouted.
"Just ignore her, man," Felix attempted.
"You can't ignore me, Joseph," Lilith told him. "No matter what, I'll aaaaaaalways be there for you. There's nothing you can do."
Joseph stood up and left the scene in a rage.
"This is exactly why you were voted out first," Isidora told Lilith.
"I know," Lilith smiled sweetly.
"Let's get our last guest out for an interview," Lester suggested. "Considered by some to be the original big villain of the Party era of Total Drama, he's proven his ability to finesse his way through the game by doing what he can to keep things in his own control, falling just short when he was deemed too big a threat to stick around. And in a season full of stars, on a team full of big players, control was even harder to come by, despite his efforts to maintain it, and two of the people he was relying on the most ended up cutting him loose. Give it up for Ernie Henderson!"
Scattered applause followed as Ernie arrived at the stage, opting to sit on the sofa behind Lilith and Isidora.
"Is Joseph, like, okay?" Ernie asked.
"I hope not," Lilith giggled.
"...Okay, yeah, that explains a lot actually," Ernie accepted as he looked at Lilith with contempt.
"Welcome to the show, Ernie!" Lester greeted.
"It is truly an honor and a pleasure to be here," Ernie droned.
"Believe me, the pleasure is ours," River claimed dryly.
The two shared a friendly smirk.
"Alright, first question!" Lester prompted. "It seemed like you had problems with... pretty much everybody on the Grand Gryphons. Do you think you would have been able to gel better with anyone on the Fighting Wyverns, assuming the teams weren't broken up by whether or not you made the merge?"
"I, like, genuinely couldn't tell you," Ernie half-answered. "The person on that team I could see myself getting along with the best is, ya know, Kiki, and even she started making fun of my middle name and named her damn robot after it. Maybe I could have gotten along with Jean-Marie, too, but the rest all seem like they'd get on my nerves one way or another."
"It's almost like they intentionally cast annoying people because drama is supposed to make for good TV," Zelda remarked.
"We get it, you don't want to be here." Erica rolled her eyes.
"You cannot tell me you weren't about to say the same thing!" Zelda accused.
"Zelda, please, she's just trying to get on your nerves," Wanda pleaded.
"And Zelda isn't?" Erica scoffed.
"Maybe she's onto something about them casting annoying people," Ursula snickered to Osric.
"Look, if it leads to catfights, I certainly can't complain," Osric jested.
"Violence against women is a serious problem," Tucker sighed. "Tucker can't condone this."
"Who the hell are you?" David asked.
"Do you have any regrets about not sticking with the League of Villains alliance that was proposed early on?" River asked Ernie. "I can't lie, I probably would have gone with it. Being part of a league of villains sounds tight."
"No regrets whatsoever," Ernie said honestly. "I never trusted Hugh, Irving, or Lilith to be trustworthy for even a second. Nor could I trust any of them to not drive me up the wall. I saw Bailey and Brittany as potentially good allies, sure, but they weren't originally part of the deal. They were originally part of the deal with Shadya, and then they broke that deal. I don't know if that would have changed if I was working with Hugh and Irving or not, but, ya know, I think I made the best call I could have."
"Until it led to both of us sitting here, of course," Isidora mentioned.
"It could not be less my fault that, like, everyone is stupid enough to just let Irving run the game," Ernie claimed.
"You can't over- or under-estimate people's intelligence in Total Drama," Phoenix said.
"Then why did it feel like I was the only one playing the game so much of the time?" Ernie challenged.
"Just because you don't understand people's actions doesn't mean they aren't acting logically," Ronoc mused. "It just means they're acting in a logic that makes sense to them."
Jynxie bonked Ronoc on the head again.
"You know what, fair, I guess I only said you wouldn't get any more lines, that's on me for not being more specific in my restrictions," Ronoc decided.
Jynxie grinned proudly.
"But yeah, I decided to stick with allies who I felt I could trust," Ernie continued. "And I did whatever I could to keep that alliance together and functional, but deadass nobody wanted to listen to me."
"Why do you think that is?" Lester asked.
"My best, honest guess is that they saw me and Shadya as threats and wanted to screw us over," Ernie avowed. "I'm not sure how I'm a bigger priority to take out than, like, Irving, but there isn't much I can do about that."
"I mean, you also could have been nicer to Brittany and Steve Jenkins," David brought up. "This isn't even the first time you've lost potential allies because you rubbed them the wrong way, you know."
"I'm glad I asked," Ernie scowled.
"Being nice can go a long way!" Wanda backed up. "It's like... if the goal is to not be voted out, you should make it so people don't want to vote you out."
"Being nice shouldn't matter. It's about what makes the most sense for the game, and continuing to let Irving run the team isn't good for anyone's game but Irving's!" Ernie claimed.
"The world don't really work like that. Maybe once you're a lawyer, it'd be fine, but most people don't really take to that," Vardaman commented.
"Screw that. If people are being dumb, they should be called out on it. Otherwise, the world's going to keep going to shit!" Erica argued.
"Yes, if you've got problems with other people, you should aaaaalways let them know," Lilith smiled. "How else will they know when they're messing up? Mweeheehee..."
"Different people have different definitions of what's dumb, though," Warwick brought up.
"Evidently, if this game's anything to go by," Isidora agreed.
"Our next viewer question... oh, hold on, we do, in fact, have her on video call!" Lester informed.
"Fancy," Felix smiled.
The large screen behind the sofa where Lester and River sat powered on, showing a pretty, well-dressed woman in what looked to be a home office.
"From Total Drama House Party, we've got Rachel!" Lester announced.
"Hey. Sorry I couldn't make it in person, but I'm involved in a pretty important work project right now," Rachel excused.
"Damn, that would have been a perfect excuse to get out of this job," River muttered.
"You're unemployed, though," Lester pointed out.
"They don't need to know that," River grumbled.
"Anyway, I have been watching a few highlights of the VIP fan live feeds when I get the chance to," Rachel explained. "And I'm... mostly just confused at how you played this, Ernie."
"Oh? Do tell," Ernie grunted.
"It seemed like you wanted to be in control of everything, but you also made little issue to establish trust or connections with people," Rachel explained. "How did you expect to get people to listen to you when you didn't want to listen to them? How did you expect people to want to work with you when you didn't want to work with them? What was your game plan?"
"Life isn't necessarily about, ya know, getting people to like you," Ernie posited. "It's about getting things done, one way or another. You don't have to like your coworkers, your clients, your boss. All we had to do was vote out Irving. That's all we had to do. We had the plan. I had no reason to expect, like, people to not go through with it."
"That may be, but there's nothing to be lost in getting along with people," Rachel suggested. "You don't necessarily have to like everybody, but what's the harm in at least being nice to someone?"
"I tried," Ernie stressed. "Shockingly, it's not easy to be patient when the key to not being voted out is goddamn Steve Jenkins."
"I must agree with Ernie, here!" Dunstan mentioned. "You do not owe anyone your kindness if they are acting in a way that harms others!"
"Steve Jenkins isn't harmful, he's just an annoying dumbass," Tucker countered.
"That can be harmful to one's sanity," River claimed.
"Exactly," Ernie nodded.
"Well, I'm with Rachel on this one," Ursula chimed in. "You can't just ignore the emotions of others in this game. These are people playing the game, and they're going to have human reactions if you do something to upset them."
"I agree!" Wanda proclaimed. "Ernie, you're clearly upset with how other people treated you in the game. Can't you see where other people might be coming from if they felt like you treated them bad?"
"Since when did you get so profound?" Zelda remarked.
"Was that profound? Neat!" Wanda chirped.
"Look, I don't know what you want from me," Ernie shrugged. "I did my best. If my best isn't good enough for some people, then, like, fine. Whatever."
"That's fair," Rachel accepted. "Just keep in mind how important the heart is to some people. It could make a difference."
"If you say so," Ernie said.
"Thanks for calling, Rachel!" Lester grinned.
"Of course! I wish I could have been able to meet up with everyone in person. Maybe someday!" Rachel promised.
Rachel ended her video call.
"Last question, Ernie," Lester continued. "Who do you want to win, and who do you want to see go home next?"
"As for who I want to win? Probably Shadya," Ernie answered. "I'm pretty sure she was, like, the only person not to vote me out tonight. For who I want to see go next? That's honestly tough. Out of the people I can't stand, Steve Jenkins is probably playing the objective worst game, so I pick him. If someone's going to win, then, ya know, they should have earned it."
"Was that a jab at me?" David asked Tucker.
"Probably," Tucker figured.
"Well, thank god this Aftermath is all over, right?" River asked.
"Wrong!" Lester refuted.
"Wrong? Whatever do you mean?" River recited.
"You didn't think we'd have an Aftermath without some kind of neat segment involving those who've been eliminated, did you?" Lester asked. "I'm Lester Jay, damn it! Wacky games are my thing!"
"We will need Joseph back. It shouldn't take too long," River mentioned.
"He actually shut off the stream in the waiting room. I'll go get him," Ernie informed as he stood up and left the stage.
"So, wait, what's going on?" Isidora asked.
"Something horrible, I bet," Lilith grinned.
"What do you think it'll be?" Vardaman asked Phoenix.
"I'm honestly not sure. Hopefully, nothing drastic," Phoenix thought aloud.
Ernie returned with a reluctant Joseph. The two sat on the sofa behind Lilith and Isidora.
"Alright! You guys may be out of the game, but it's time for what I like to call... the Last Hurrah Challenge!"
"The what?" Ernie asked.
"Sounds pretty important," Joseph commented.
"The four of you are going to compete in a small challenge," River explained. "Don't get your hopes up, nobody is returning to the game after being voted out."
"River, that was supposed to be a secret!" Lester scolded.
"So was my current unemployment," River snipped. "Anyway, this challenge is still worth playing and winning, I assure you."
A few interns handed each of the four eliminated contestants a small handheld device.
"We're going to be asking ten questions about the folks over there at the peanut gallery," Lester explained. "All of them will be multiple choice. All you guys have to do is select A, B, C, or D on your device. Get it right, get a point. Whoever has the most points after ten questions wins the challenge!"
"Most of us don't know anything about most of these people," Ernie pointed out.
"These should all be answerable by anyone who's paid attention to the last few seasons. Nothing obscure," River added.
"Sounds interesting. Bring it on!" Joseph requested readily.
"Alright, without further ado... Question One!" Lester began. "We'll start with an easy one. As you may remember, our friend David prefers to go by his middle name. What's his first name? A: Lesley. B: Lillian. C: Lloyd. D: Leroy."
"Hey, come on, man," David whined.
"It could be worse. They could be bringing up your music taste from back then," Erica snickered.
"Listen, every metalhead has to start somewhere!" David maintained.
The former contestants all made their guesses. The screen that had shown Rachel now displayed a picture of the four competing players, and a blank space next to each of them.
"Let's see what everyone guessed," Lester decided.
Lilith guessed B, Isidora guessed C, Joseph guessed A, Ernie guessed C.
"The correct answer is... C, Lloyd!" Lester announced. "Isidora and Ernie each get a point!"
"I don't know why you remember that or why you felt the need to tell me the other day, but, uh, thanks, I guess," Isidora said to Ernie.
"It's because his middle name is Jayne, and that's embarrassing, too!" David called out.
Ernie shot an annoyed look at David.
"Hey, no shame in sharing a name with Mr. Tales of Symphonia himself," Lester assured.
"Question Two," River carried on. "Who sent Ursula a letter from home back in Alpha Party? A: Her parents. B: Her uncle. C: Her friends. D: Her older brother."
"Damn, they are getting personal, here, aren't they?" Ursula winced.
"This show has never really shied away from that kind of thing," Osric mentioned.
The four players all made their guesses. The screen displayed that Lilith guessed B, Isidora guessed B, Joseph guessed C, and Ernie guessed D.
"The correct answer was B, her uncle," River revealed. "That's a point for Lilith and a point for Isidora. Isidora leads with two points, but, as we all know, things can always change."
"It helps that I was there when we got our letters from home," Isidora shrugged.
"I remember that, too," Vardaman recalled. "Didn't you name your cat something real outlandish?" he asked Isidora.
"Vinnie named the cat," Isidora insisted.
"Anyway, Question Three!" Lester prompted. "According to the file in the final challenge of the season, when is Zelda's birthday? A: November 13th. B: September 5th. C: October 31st. D: August 10th."
"What a weird way to word the question," Isidora commented.
"I know why they worded it like that," Joseph smiled to himself.
The players made their guesses. Lilith guessed B, Isidora guessed B, Joseph guessed A, Ernie guessed A.
"The correct answer... is A!" Lester announced. "Wanda actually cited September 5th as Zelda's birthday in a different episode, but that's actually wrong."
"I got her birthday confused with Dad's!" Wanda spluttered.
"It happens," Zelda sighed.
"Anyway, Joseph and Ernie get a point!" Lester mentioned. "It's still anyone's challenge!"
"Question Four," River began. "Which weapon did Felix take in the gladiator challenge in Virtual Party? A: Knives. B: Sword. C: Bow. D. Axe."
"Now that's easy," Joseph grinned.
"Yeah, easy for you who was, like, in his season and on his team," Ernie grunted.
The players made their guesses. Lilith guessed C, Isidora guessed B, Joseph guessed C, Ernie guessed A.
"The correct answer is C, the bow," River informed. "That's another point for Lilith and Joseph. Everyone is all tied up with two points each, now. I can barely contain my excitement."
"It's a shame because I actually have a lot of experience with archery, but I still didn't do very well in that challenge," Felix chuckled.
"There were a couple of instances where archery was necessary to win challenges in Alpha Party," Warwick recalled. "Perhaps if you were there instead of Fauna, the season could have gone much better!"
"Actually, Alpha Party is the fan-favorite season, from what I can tell," Ronoc mentioned.
"Well yeah, I was in that one," Lester winked. "Anyway, Question Five! Who did Tucker have at the top of his 'ranking the girls by hotness' list as of the motel episode of House Party? A: Lauren. B: Judy. C: CJ. D: Rachel."
"I wonder where I would rank... Probably dead last," Lilith mused.
"With Tucker, who can honestly say?" Ernie commented.
The players made their guesses. Lilith guessed D, Isidora guessed D, Joseph guessed A, Ernie guessed D.
"The correct answer is... D, Rachel!" Lester announced. "That's a point for Lilith, Isidora, and Ernie."
"Tucker would like to publicly apologize for ever making a list like that," Tucker gulped.
"We were all young once. As long as you've grown out of it, you're fine," Phoenix told him.
"Give me another Virtual Party question. I'm falling behind!" Joseph requested.
"The questions have already been decided, obviously," River informed. "Anyway, Question Six: Where did Vardaman say he was working as of Total Drama Alpha Party? A: A butchery. B: A metal shop. C. A wood shop. D. A bakery."
"...Even I had to think about this one for a second," Isidora admitted.
"What an awful sister-in-law you are, forgetting aaaaall about it," Lilith giggled.
"I'll never forgive myself," Isidora deadpanned.
The players all made their guesses. Lilith guessed C, Isidora guessed B, Joseph guessed D, Ernie guessed C.
"The correct answer is... B, a metal shop," River confirmed. "This puts Isidora in the lead with four points."
"I actually just left my job there last year to focus on medical school full-time," Vardaman told everyone. "Dr. Foshee will become a reality in just a few more years."
"And to think, I only married the farmer of the Foshee brothers," Isidora joked. "He's much more my type, anyway."
"Even if I was your type, Naomi claimed me first, sorry," Vardaman played along.
"I'll make it through. Somehow," Isidora faux-lamented.
"Question Seven, everyone!" Lester redirected. "How did Wanda try to combat the dragon she faced in the bone-collecting challenge of Virtual Party? A: Ice magic. B: Thunder magic. C: Light magic. D: A friendly chat."
"Um, actually, thunder is the sound that lightning makes," Ernie bantered.
"Maybe it was sound magic," Joseph suggested.
"I'm, ya know, just joking, but sure, maybe that is what he meant," Ernie responded.
The players made their guesses. Lilith guessed A, Isidora guessed D, Joseph guessed A, Ernie guessed C.
"The correct answer... was A!" Lester announced. "Any Pokemon fan knows dragons are weak to ice."
"Really? I just picked ice because Gunther suggested it." Wanda explained. "Before he used me as a diversion and let me die a fiery death."
"I've always wondered what else Gunther may be capable of..." Lilith professed. "I always sensed... potential in him."
"Anyway, this means that Lilith and Joseph get another point, tying Lilith with Isidora for the lead with four points each!" Lester informed. "Joseph and Ernie are only one point behind, though."
"We've got to be playing for something good, here," Joseph told himself readily.
"Alright, Question Eight," River carried on. "What was the name of Dunstan's spirit in the final six challenge of Virtual Party? A: Elevator Man. B: Rocket Man. C: Working Man. D: Piano Man."
"A truly bizarre challenge indeed!" Dunstan commented.
Phoenix raised an eyebrow.
"What a fuuuun challenge," Lilith reminisced. "I do wish they'd brought the virtual reality machine back."
"They had to sell it to make this show even possible," River explained.
The players made their guesses. Lilith guessed D, Isidora guessed D, Joseph guessed D, Ernie guessed C.
"The correct answer was D, Piano Man," River revealed. "Lilith, Isidora, and Joseph all get a point."
"I liked that episode," Joseph smiled. "It was neat seeing Lilith's downfall after all the grief she gave me."
"Awwww, I really do live rent-free in your brain, huh?" Lilith flirted.
"Lilith and Isidora are still in the lead," Lester reminded. "We'll go to a tiebreaker if need be, but for now... Question Nine: How many votes did Warwick receive over the course of Alpha Party, including revotes? A: 10. B: 15. C: 20. D: 25."
"Come on, these are totally rigged for Isidora," Ernie accused.
"Everyone in the peanut gallery is supposed to be someone we've interacted with to some extent. I don't know," Isidora shrugged.
"And to be fair, I don't even know how many votes I got against me off the top of my head!" Warwick defended.
The players all made their guesses. Lilith guessed C, Isidora guessed B, Joseph guessed B, Ernie guessed C.
"The correct answer... is B!" Lester announced. "That's a point for Isidora and Joseph. Would you believe that the last time Warwick received votes was when Yolonda got eliminated by random draw?"
"Heh. Lucky guess," Joseph admitted.
"This means I'm basically out, right?" Ernie said as he glanced at the screen.
Lilith had 5 points, Isidora had 6 points, Joseph had 5 points, and Ernie had 3 points.
"Yeah, I'm afraid so, but you can always keep guessing to show off your TD knowledge," Lester encouraged.
"Or because the quiz game is programmed to not continue until everyone's made a guess," River added.
"If Isidora gets this last question wrong, and Lilith and/or Joseph get it right, we'll go to a tiebreaker," Lester reminded everyone.
"Question Ten," River began. "What did Rachel cite as her favorite tea in Total Drama House Party? A: Oolong. B: Chamomile. C: Earl Grey. D: Black Coffee."
"Come on, if you're going to pick another House Party player, why pick the girl who didn't even show up over me?!" Erica objected.
"Yeah, that's why you have an issue with it," David chuckled.
"My thing against Rachel was forever ago. Move on," Erica grumbled.
"I feel like any of these could be right," Joseph thought aloud. "Even the coffee one."
Ernie yawned. "I think I actually remember this one. Too bad, like, my vote doesn't matter."
The players all made their guesses. Lilith guessed A, Isidora guessed C, Joseph guessed D, Ernie guessed C.
"The correct answer is, in fact, C," River confirmed.
"Which means, GG Isidora, you have won the Last Hurrah Challenge!" Lester proclaimed.
This was met with some cheers and applause from the audience, as well as the Alpha Party representatives in the peanut gallery.
"So, what do I get for all of this, again?" Isidora asked.
"Well, it's not so much what you've won, as much as it is what you winning represents," Lester said. "You see, when we asked who you were rooting for, that wasn't just because we were interested in what you had to say."
"What do you take us for, an interview show?" River quipped.
"By winning the Last Hurrah Challenge, Isidora, you've given Shadya, the person you're rooting for most, a clue to a hidden statue in Isolation Park," Lester explained. "She will receive the clue overnight, delivered to her room. What she does with that clue is up to her, but it should be of good use to her."
"Don't you need to be voted as the worst-performing person when your team wins a challenge in order to end up there?" Ernie asked. "That might be tough for her to, like, accomplish."
"That's the game balance of it all. It's an advantage, but it's one she'll have to work to make use of," Lester countered.
"Interesting," Isidora accepted.
"It'd be more fun if I got to haunt the person I don't want to win with a disadvantage," Lilith commented.
"That'd be weird if the person we want to win and the person we want to go next are on the same team. How would that work?" Joseph questioned.
"Awww, I think you're weird, too~" Lilith cooed.
"Well, anyway, this has been the Total Drama Party with the Stars Aftermath show!" Lester told the crowd.
"I hope you guys didn't feel like it was a complete waste of your time," River added.
"We'll be seeing you guys after every four eliminations, and with no more reward challenges, that means we should be seeing you guys again relatively soon!" Lester informed.
"Unless you guys hated this, in which case, I imagine you'll be skipping the rest of the Aftermath episodes," River figured.
"Well, don't encourage them!" Lester huffed.
"I don't think I'm the one encouraging anyone to stop watching, somehow," River remarked.
"Anyway, we hope to see you guys soon. In the meantime, stay tuned for the next nail-biting adventure of our all-stars!" Lester beamed. "On Total!"
"Drama," River sighed.
"Party with the Stars!" Lester and River concluded with differing levels of enthusiasm.
"Fuck you Ronoc, you can't silence me!" Jynxie shouted.
"If only," Dunstan groaned.
A/N: I knew I wanted the poor souls who didn't qualify for a player spot in this season to show up in at least some capacity (and that I wanted to keep up a 26-episode format without returnees), so here it is, the return of a classic Total Drama segment. I always had a soft spot for these episodes in the real show, and though I never felt it really fit to bring them back in my prior seasons, I felt like it made a lot of sense here. So let me know what you guys think. Hopefully, you enjoyed it!