Babies frowned a lot, it seemed. Guangyao had not spent time with many, but the young Jin Rulan always seemed some degree of perturbed about something. He looked with fascination on both his parents, but other people seemed to scare him. At first he seemed to frown toward Guangyao too. But after Zixuan put him in Guangyao's arms, and he smiled down at him, little Rulan looked up at Guangyao with fascination too.

"A-Yao?" came his father's voice, drawing him from his reverie. Guangyao blinked up at him, having been tuning out Jin Zixun's raging about all the evils of Wei Wuxian, which had been going on for some time. "What do you say?"

The subject was whether or not Wei Wuxian should be invited to Rulan's first month celebration. Unfortunately, ever since learning what Xichen had been trying to do, Guangyao felt more and more fear each time he opened his mouth in public. Did he still have all his faculties? Would he be able to tell the difference between self-interest and emotion?

"Wei Wuxian is a liability as an enemy," he said, in his practiced voice. "Of course if he can be brought into the fold, we should make every attempt to do so."

He felt cold as soon as the words left his mouth. A voice inside him told him that was a mistake. It was not too late to change it. But to do so was far more terrifying than simply allowing events to unfold.

"He is not an enemy," came the dark voice of Lan Wangji, cutting through his uncertainty.

Guangyao nodded and smiled with restrained apology. "Forgive me. Yes. 'Enemy' was too strong."

"Father," said Zixuan plaintively. "I hope our marriage can soothe any strife between the four clans, and Wei Wuxian. Please at least allow my wife to send him an invitation, and see how he will respond."

Lan Xichen too faced Jin Guangshan, bowed and said, "Gusu Lan Sect will be on hand to keep the peace. We will ensure there is no danger to Young Master Rulan."

Lan Wangji copied his bow in order to strengthen the sentiment.

"Uncle!" Zixun said in outrage at his reasonable fears not being listened to.

But after a quick glance toward Jin Guangyao, the clan leader nodded.

"A-Yao's point is sound," Jin Guangshan muttered. "There is much to be gained by making peace with Wei Ying. If he accepts the invitation, we will proceed from there."

Jin Guangyao's skin felt clammy as the discussion came to a close, despite Jin Zixun's vehement objections. But why did he feel this anxiety? He was certain he had stated the most logical position, and at the same time one which might secretly assist in his father's ambition of obtaining the Stygian Tiger Seal. There should be nothing to fear.

He left the hall to resume his daily obligations and to begin preparations for the ceremony. He realized after a few moments that he was being followed.

"A-Yao…"

He ignored Lan Xichen and continued walking, though he did not increase his pace. With the difference in their stride, Xichen was easily able to keep pace with him, though he remained a few steps behind.

"You don't look well. Please let me help."

Guangyao stopped, unable to bear the humiliation of being pitied by someone he himself was doing everything he could think of to protect. Xichen's continued pretending to care about him, despite knowing that he was damaged, was even worse. He painted a false smile on his face and turned to meet Lan Xichen's gaze.

"I've been meaning to say, Er-ge, I was wrong to react so harshly when you attempted to help me. I'm sorry. And thank you, for what you were trying to do."

"A-Yao-"

"But don't you think it's time we ended the charade?" he asked with a gentle tilt of his head.

He was heartbroken as Xichen's divine face took on shades of hurt and confusion. "…charade? What…?"

"I can never care for you the way you do for me," Jin Guangyao said in a soft voice which hopefully, even in his palace full of spies, only Xichen could hear. "You went so far as to try to alter my mind to make it so that I could, but it failed. And I remain broken, deceitful, self-serving, and black-hearted in a way you can never understand," he whispered, offering a smile that had no warmth in it, almost as if to prove his words. "Shouldn't we stop pretending you could care for someone while trying to change everything about him?"

Xichen's normally peaceful eyes had grown slowly wider as he listened to these words which were designed to be daggers to his heart. As his gaze lowered, those eyes were wet with tears. He gazed at the ground between them, stunned into silence.

But as Guangyao accepted this reaction and turned to leave, Xichen's pleasant and husky voice cracked slightly as it struck straight through Guangyao's chest, saying, "You're right. But please let me help anyway."

"…anyway?" Guangyao repeated in disbelief, reluctantly turning back in order to round a glare up at him. "Zewu-jun, your hearing is impeccable, so I assume you heard what I said. Did you understand it? I can't be cured. I'll never be what you want me to be."

"Yes," Xichen said softly, his eyes still lowered, and tears continuing to drip down his face. "I accept that what I did was wrong, A-Yao, but I didn't do it because I wanted to change you. I never expected…you would share my feelings. I wanted to help you for the same reason that I still do: because I love you, and I can't bear to see you in pain."

Guangyao had to struggle to keep his feet under him. He wasn't drunk, was he? But a sober Xichen couldn't be saying these things out loud. Even if he felt them.

"You…don't…love me," he emphasized each syllable softly, realizing his own eyes were beginning to tear but feeling he couldn't stop now. "You should know enough by now that you can't. And that even if you did care for me, it is hopeless." He took in several shaking breaths, but Xichen's soft look of despair as he watched the ground at his feet did not change. "Enough, Lan Xichen. Leave me be."

He whirled away and furiously wiped his eyes, ashamed that he had shed tears over someone who, despite being seemingly the most trustworthy person in the world, he apparently should not have trusted in the first place. He had been more or less accepting of Xichen's unspoken feelings for him up until now. Yet for some reason, hearing them out loud made them sound utterly preposterous. It was Xichen's fault that his position here with the Jin might be in jeopardy from these fractious emotions clouding his mind. He owed him nothing, he told himself, wiping away the tears that refused to stop.

Finally, the day of the first month celebration arrived. But that morning, as he was taking a stroll to sort through his thoughts before he became busy, one of his spies stopped him to tell him something unsavory was happening at the stable. Jin Zixun, and a large group of Jin myrmidons, led by his personal guard, were preparing to depart Carp Tower secretly.

Guangyao's stomach twisted. This was the moment he had both hoped for and feared. If the two came into direct conflict, it didn't matter how many myrmidons Jin Zixun brought with him. He would die. Peace with Wei Wuxian would also become impossible, as he would surely take the attack as orchestrated by the Jin. There was a small chance Wei Wuxian would die too, but Guangyao wouldn't bet on it. And the result…

Jin Zixun would die. His family would be sad, and likely angry. Jin Guangshan might even use Zixun's death as an excuse to attack the Burial Mounds, but likely he would not get the support of the other clans. Jiang Yanli would surely feel she had forever lost her brother this time. And the Stygian Tiger Seal would remain with Wei Wuxian, until…well, presumably until it destroyed him, as the yin iron had done Xue Chonghai. No one had ever successfully cultivated the demonic path before.

And once it consumed him, the Lan would advocate that the item be sealed or destroyed. Their voice would carry. The other clans would agree, even if the Chief Cultivator objected. The Nie would stand with them. The Jiang most certainly would too, out of Jiang Wanyin's sense of personal responsibility. And so, it would be lost. And with it, possibly Jin Guangyao's only chance to gain his father's approval.

If he tried to save Jin Zixun, the result would still be the same. Yes, his cousin would be alive, his new sister-in-law would not have to lament the loss of her brother, but Guangyao himself would gain nothing. Worse, he would be forced to explain why he knew about Zixun's affliction and did nothing. The only way he could change anything about the result would be if he obtained the Stygian Tiger Seal.

He had nothing to gain and everything to lose by trying to prevent this conflict. There was no way to say when or if Wei Wuxian would be this vulnerable again. There was no option. He had to go.

He considered sending Su Minshan in his place, but the thought of him cursing a member of the Jin for so small an offense – when Guangyao personally felt he had endured far more without the slightest break in his composure – rankled him. He no longer trusted the young cultivator with important tasks, particularly where his family was involved.

Guangyao's fingers as he drew Hensheng were shaking slightly. He knew why but did not want to think about it. Just as he was about to mount his sword and try to head Zixun off, he heard a familiar voice.

"A-Yao?"

He tried to convince himself he was not disappointed that it was the voice of Jin Zixuan, not Lan Xichen. He turned reluctantly to meet his brother's gaze.

Zixuan looked at his drawn sword and the way he was facing out from Carp Tower, toward Qishan. "Are you going somewhere? We'll need you soon…"

Zixuan should not come, Guangyao thought immediately. If he told him where he was going, he would insist on doing exactly that. Guangyao offered his half-brother a reluctant smile. "A small errand. I'll do my best to be back before any of the guests arrive."

Though he did not often show it, the truth was that Jin Zixuan was quite unusually perceptive and intelligent, and this cast off explanation didn't seem to wash with him. "…what kind of errand?" he asked, and Guangyao knew immediately that he sensed something was wrong.

"It's nothing," Guangyao said with a world-weary smile. "A small disturbance, no more. I'll handle it and make sure it doesn't interfere with the festivities."

"By yourself?"

Guangyao sighed with a hint of a genuine smile. He could not explain why, but recently – especially since his marriage – Zixuan seemed to have become quite fond of Guangyao. The worry in his eyes appeared sincere. Despite wishing for the leeway to be able to feel moved by this, it only increased the feeling that Zixuan should stay here, and not become involved.

"I may not be the most cultivated, but don't worry, Zixuan. I have my tricks. I'll be fine," he said, allowing his true feelings to creep up in his voice.

"Then…be safe. And quick, if you can."

He nodded. "Of course."

He mounted Hensheng and flew directly along the path that led from Carp Tower to the Burial Mounds. There were several locations he could think of that would be suitable for an ambush, but the best strategic advantage by far would be on Qiongqi Road. It didn't take him long to find Wei Wuxian walking pleasantly along with Wen Ning trailing slightly behind him.

He realized he could attack them from right where he was. Of course, alone he would stand no chance against either of them. But when Zixun attacked, as he most certainly would, and soon, it would create an opening. He was still hovering above them as his heartrate rose, and the possibilities teemed through his mind.

A rustle of bushes at the top of the gorge that Wei Wuxian was walking through. The glint of an arrowhead. Guangyao's breath caught. Without thinking, he flew down and cut the arrow out of the air as it flew toward Wei Wuxian's head.

He landed in the bottom of the gorge, some distance away from the two he had presumably come here to at least rob if not assassinate. And had just given up his one advantage of surprise. He closed his eyes in self-disgust.

"Uh…Jin Guangyao?" asked Wei Wuxian curiously. Guangyao had to confess to being somewhat disturbed by this young man's appearance compared to the last time he had seen him. His eyes were sunken and his skin pale and sallow from lack of sunlight and poor nutrition. It appeared as if something were sucking the life force from him. Nevertheless, he cocked half a confused smile. "Are you…shooting arrows at me, or defending me? What's going on?"

Guangyao sighed. He really didn't hate Wei Wuxian, but sometimes his complete lack of a sense of gravitas was extremely off-putting. "I suppose…defending," he said reluctantly.

"Wei Wuxian!" roared Jin Zixun, his voice echoing from the top of the gorge. He appeared there as all three men looked up. "You will answer for your crimes!"

"Oh yeah? Fair enough. Just one question: who are you?"

Zixun was clearly about to burst into an unstoppable rage, so Guangyao did his best to interrupt it.

"Zixun," Guangyao called up to him. "Stand down. This will only make things worse."

"A-Yao…?" Zixun murmured with betrayal streaked across his face. "How can you take his side?! Were you lying when you said you considered me properly your cousin?! How can you all be so blind to his evil?! Look what he did!"

He tore open the chest of his robes, revealing a plethora of scarred and mangled marks over his flesh.

"The Hundred Holes Curse?" Wei Wuxian muttered, looking genuinely surprised. But then he would be.

"Yes! See what he's done!" Zixun screamed, clearly at his wit's end already.

Guangyao shook his head calmly. "Zixun, you have no proof. Instead, what you are doing is potentially starting a war. A war in which we would have to fight against our own dead, as we did with Wen Ruohan."

"We beat him then!"

"We did. And thanks to whom?" Guangyao asked pointedly, flicking his gaze over at Wei Wuxian himself to make his meaning clear even to one as slow as Zixun.

Wei Wuxian scoffed. "All I did was make a mess," he said, with a note of something hidden in his words. "Lianfang-zun is too modest."

"Zixun!" a new voice echoed through the gorge.

All eyes suddenly turned to the sky, where Jin Zixuan was riding Suihua down to them. Guangyao's chest tightened. He ran over to him as he landed.

"Zixuan…you shouldn't be here," Guangyao murmured under his breath. "Go back. I said I would handle it."

With his eyes at the top of the gorge, Zixuan scowled and muttered, "You seem outnumbered."

"It's a misunderstanding, just let me handle it," Guangyao said firmly.

"Zixuan…are you on his side too?" Zixun wailed. "You'd choose your wife's corrupt, black-hearted little brother over your own cousin's life?!" he demanded, again gesturing to the ruined flesh of his chest.

Jin Zixuan saw the scars and showed real sympathy for a moment, but slowly shook his head. "Even if it were true, this would not be the way to go about getting justice, Zixun. Why did you not just tell someone? Of course we would investigate, and the guilty person would be punished."

"You'd never touch him! I know by now, the world smiles on the treacherous Wei Wuxian. Well I'll make you see. And if you don't get out of the way, Zixuan, I won't hold back just to spare you," Jin Zixun whispered, preparing to order his archers to fire.

"Zixun!" Guangyao roared in a voice totally unlike his own. His skin felt hot. Fear and anxiety about two unwelcome fates that he could see directly before his eyes fought against one another until it was difficult to think of opening his mouth again. But he knew now that there was only one way to stop this.

Guangyao's gaze turned to his brother. Jin Zixuan looked just as innocent and confused as the other two, but for possibly the first time, he was standing with both Guangyao and Wei Wuxian. These two people, who were given everything that Guangyao had fought for and failed to achieve all his life, for once felt like his equals. With the birth of Jin Rulan, they three were now even more firmly connected, by blood and by family. As he thought this, he felt his logic slipping away.

He slowly closed his eyes. "It's not him."

Even Zixun stopped at the soft certainty in Jin Guangyao's voice as it echoed softly through the gorge. Pain twisted his features. "Why can you say this? A-Yao…it couldn't be…you…?"

Guangyao sighed, shaking his head. "Not me," he murmured softly. "But…I know who."

At that moment, the sound of a flute cut cleanly through the tense atmosphere. From the echoes in the gorge, no one could tell where it was coming from. But even though Chenqing was still dormant, clasped at Wei Wuxian's side, dark energy began to swirl around the Ghost General, Wen Ning.

To the shock of all, it looked initially as if he swiped a hand out toward Wei Wuxian himself, who only just avoided the deadly swing. Then quick as a flash, Wen Ning suddenly stood before Jin Zixuan, who was next nearest. Guangyao sent Hensheng out in front of him to deflect the first attempt to grab Zixuan. He grabbed Zixuan around his waist and attempted to pull him back, but the result was that when Wen Ning slammed his palm into both of them, the shock was still enough to dislocate Jin Guangyao's shoulder and crack Zixuan's ribs before sending them flying through the air.

They landed painfully, the wind knocked out of both of them. It took Guangyao several moments to restore his breath and become conscious of his surroundings, but by then it was too late.

Wen Ning had easily leapt to the top of the gorge. A dead Zixun dangled from his grasp, his neck clearly broken.

"Su…Minshan…" Guangyao rasped to Wei Wuxian, the only one close enough to hear. "Find…him…"

The flute abruptly stopped as the player tried to escape, and Wei Wuxian's keen ears picked up the direction from which it had gone silent. He briefly turned back to Jin Guangyao and nodded, then was off like a flash and after the mysterious flute-player.

His brother, though at least still alive, looked at Guangyao in restrained horror. "A-Yao…?" he said cautiously, as if he did not want to believe what he was about to ask. "Just now…why did you know that it wasn't Wei Wuxian?"

Guangyao lowered his head, despair sinking over him with the pain in his shoulder. To the myrmidons nearby the corpse of Jin Zixun, he shouted with difficulty, "Do not approach the Ghost General! Do not try to fight him! Go and assist Wei Wuxian in the capture of the Moling Su Clan Leader, Su Minshan!"

"What…are we to fight him alone?" Zixuan asked, indicating Wen Ning, though wincing as talking was enough to cause severe pain in his freshly broken ribs.

Guangyao shook his head. "He's not being controlled now. Look."

Wen Ning was looking up in shock at the dead man he still held aloft in his hand. Slowly, he lowered Zixun's body to the earth and knelt over him, desperately trying to help before realizing it was hopeless. He crumpled to the ground. But once he realized there was no danger, once again, Jin Zixuan cast a clearly horrified look on the one he had come to trust and treat as a real brother.

With the help of Wei Wuxian, Su She was indeed captured and brought back to Carp Tower, along with the body of Jin Zixun. Guangyao had no memory of getting back. He knew his life was over the moment Zixuan looked at him like that. But he did remember telling his father when he arrived that, in addition to Su She, he himself should also be confined in order to avoid casting a pall over young Jin Rulan's celebration. He also apologized for his part in the delay of the event.

He expected a prison cell like Su She, but initially he was placed inside his own quarters, though under an armed guard. And when Jin Rulan's celebration had ended, and the majority of clans returned home the same day - kept in the dark for now about the fate of Jin Zixun - he was brought before the leaders of the four clans.

A heavy silence hung over the hall as he was made to kneel before his father. He could feel the gossip in the silent gazes all around him. Of course. What else could one expect of a son of a whore?

"Is Su Minshan still alive?" Guangyao asked, before the inevitable inquisition began.

"Yes."

To his surprise, the answer came from Nie Mingjue, who was seated to his right.

Jin Guangshan bristled. "I can assure you he won't be for long."

"…may I speak to him before he dies?" Guangyao asked casually, knowing full well that the last thing he should be doing right now was furthering his association with Su She.

Sure enough, the entire tone of the hall seemed to grow darker and more intent. He felt pierced through as hateful gazes from all directions gave him no rest.

"Why would you wish to do that?" asked Guangshan with a bitter expression.

"I brought him here, and it is my fault that he will die at a young age," Guangyao answered simply, keeping his gaze respectfully down.

After a heavy silence, it was Jin Zixuan who spoke up with painful gentleness, "A-Yao…you are making things worse for yourself. You were the one who brought him here, brought the Moling Su Sect into Carp Tower. Please just tell us…did you bring Su She here to kill Zixun?"

Guangyao sighed irritably. "I am not above subterfuge as you know, but give me a little credit for having more subtlety. More than that, for what reason would I try to kill Jin Zixun?"

"It's not true…" came a whisper and a sigh of relief from his right and slightly behind him. Even whispered, he recognized Xichen's voice. But he didn't dare look at him now, and couldn't even understand why he would be relieved.

"But…you allowed him to be cursed, and didn't try to help him," Zixuan said, looking heartbroken.

To that, Guangyao had nothing to say. It was true. No amount of context would change the fact that he had done nothing to prolong Jin Zixun's life until the whim happened to take him as he flew over Qiongqi Road. His cousin's death was on his hands. His silence was all the answer the four clans seemed to require.

"Clan Leader Jin," came Lan Xichen's voice, along with a rustle of silk indicating that he had stood, but Guangyao still refused to look in his direction. "Jin Guangyao has erred, but he clearly attempted to right that mistake by leading us to the perpetrator today. I would ask mercy on his behalf. And I offer the Cloud Recesses as a location of seclusion, healing and penance, so that your son may return to you without the blemish of his crimes."

"What's wrong with a jail cell?" growled Nie Mingjue. "It's overdue if you asked me."

Jin Guangshan made an uncomfortable noise. "I shall not have a member of the Jin malinger in prison. But…Clan Leader Nie's point is well made. Seclusion is no punishment at all." Guangshan shook his head sadly. "My lady was right all along. It was too early to acknowledge someone so ambitious and short-sighted." He straightened his back in his chair and had the rare appearance of an actual leader. "You have been given a chance, and you have squandered it. From this moment, you are Meng Yao again."

Guangyao's blood froze in his veins. He expected to be executed. At the very least, to spend the rest of his life in prison. But this was too much to bear. He raised a shaking gaze up toward his supposed father, though now he could only see a demon in a thin veil of skin.

"You cannot…you have acknowledged me once…the whole world knows who I am…"

Guangshan scoffed, looking away. "They knew. Long before you were brought here, they knew. And they'll forget again too. And once again, it'll be you they talk about in hushed whispers and behind closed doors, and not this family."

"I have done everything you asked!" Yao screamed, charging to his feet.

At Guangshan's gesture, two guards grabbed him and yanked him back, not simply to his knees again but back toward the entrance to the hall and beyond, to the high steps of Carp Tower.

"And in recognition of that fact, you will be neither killed nor imprisoned, but merely banished from Lanling," Guangshan said, looking down at him as he was dragged out without the slightest hint of pity. "If you can't find other employment, take up your mother's trade. You'll be good at that."

Guangyao cried out loud, ashamed of himself more every moment, but the guards stripped him of his sword, of the sparks-amidst snow he wore, and his gauze cap. And then, though he scrabbled desperately to avoid it, they threw him bodily from the top of the stairs.

The way down seemed to take an eternity. It seemed far more painful than the last time, and his injury from Wen Ning had nothing to do with it. He had sacrificed everything, become a devil, and all to be exactly where he started when his mother had finally perished all those years ago, and he had come here for help. When he reached the bottom, he knew, he was Meng Yao again. And so he would remain.

It took him some time to get to his feet. In fact the only thing which spurred him on was the sound of fluttering silk and a flash of white in the corner of his eye. Before Lan Xichen could help him up, he forced himself to his feet. He once again bowed, shaking and bloodstained, to the man who had broken him from the day he was born. And though Xichen tried again and again to detain him, he simply turned and left Carp Tower, then Lanling in its entirety.

…

It had been weeks since anyone had word of Jin Guangyao. Or rather, Meng Yao. Kang Ruien still wasn't sure it was appropriate to be calling him that, as he had once been acknowledged by his father and that should last his whole life. Nie Mingjue was not taking his fate particularly well, at times despondent and at others having a hair trigger on his anger. He went night hunting far more often, and relied on Ruien less. But he trusted that this would only last until Mingjue had grieved enough, and he needed Ruien's patience.

But one evening of heavy rain, as Ruien was preparing to sleep alone, he caught an unfamiliar shadow in the corner of his eye. And yet the presence itself was familiar. He stopped in the alley between the main buildings and the servant's complex, facing the shadow that was waiting under the eaves, taking shelter from the rain.

At Ruien's consistent attention, the shadow sighed. A dripping and shivering figure, even more slight and small than Ruien remembered, emerged into the torchlight. Meng Yao's cheeks were sunken and his eyes heavy with exhaustion, but he held his head high and folded his hands over his soaked commoner's cloak.

"Master Kang," he said, in a voice that could not completely hide his shivering. As he looked closer, Ruien realized his forehead and cheeks looked warm, even though the rest of him must be freezing. "Forgive the suddenness of my arrival, but…I believe I am in need of help."

Ruien hesitated, knowing the only appropriate response was to raise the alarm and put the interloper into a jail cell. But something stopped him. He could not say if it was compassion for Nie Mingjue, who despite what he might say would be forever broken if Meng Yao were to die of fever in a jail cell, or whether it was compassion for this complex man himself. Either way, he soon ran out of time to consider it.

Speaking these words seemed to have robbed Meng Yao of the last of his strength, and his eyes drew heavy, his head drooped forward. Before Ruien could even reach out to catch him, he crumpled in a heap to the ground.

Ruien sighed. But he knew he was far too much of a soft touch to abandon someone in this condition, no matter the reason. He gathered the wet and freezing bundle into his arms and brought him into his room, where he prepared a bath and fresh clothes, and considered exactly how much trouble he would be in if Nie Mingjue found out.