This had always been an option. If they needed to hit the pause button for any reason they had a cabin that had been cleared for their use. A bolt hole.

As soon as Mitch and Erin checked in, got the key and entered the cabin the masks came off. Kim was quiet though, she walked towards the window overlooking the small veranda and out onto the forest beyond. It was a secluded boutique hotel, surrounded by trees, small streams and isolated from the noise of the city. It was a little bit of heaven.

He gave her a few minutes of peace while they waited for their bags to be delivered. He paid the bellhop after showing him where to put the bags and locked the door after him. "Kim."

"I'm okay Adam."

"Are you really?"

"Yes, yes. I will be."

Having asked Erin before they left the house what happened he knew how the whole thing had played out which was exactly as it was supposed to. Sally did her job of dropping in the miscarriage, Erin responded to Lizzie as planned. There was no issue with that, as far as either of them could see. He did want to talk to Angela about it once they were back at work on Monday but right now, this was his focus.

"So?"

Sitting in the big old stuffed chair near the fireplace, even though it wasn't cold enough to light he continued to watch her, swaying slightly with her arms wrapped around her waist. If he had to define how she looked right now he'd have to say lost. She looked lost in a world that nobody else was allowed to enter and he wanted in.

"You know if I hadn't lost the baby we'd be parents by now."

He leant forward, resting his elbows on his knees and letting his hands hang loose. "I think about that all the time." Adam admitted. "I sometimes think about who she would look like, I hoped you and who's personality she had, again more you than me and how happy we'd be together, how much we'd love her. I think about what it would be like to wake up every day and see her face, come home at night…"

He thought about it a lot, particularly early on. Yes it was different for him, that didn't mean it was an easy road either. He didn't carry the physical scars but the emotional and mental scars still fell on him heavily. He had never felt fear like that in his life; when he was listening on the radio to her calling it in, when he finally got into that motel room and as he carried her into the hospital. It weighed heavily on him, how if he was a minute or two earlier, if, if , if….

"Her?

"Yeah."

"Or him? It might have been a boy."

"Do you regret not finding out?" Adam asked. They had never talked about it. Kim had the option of having a test done to answer that question for them and she declined. Although she had made a lot of decisions without him and it had caused some angst between them that was one he was glad she did on her own because he had no idea what he wanted. Did he want to know? Would it hurt more, was that even possible?

"No. Do you?"

"I don't think so."

Kim looked at him over her shoulder curiously and was a little put off by the intensity in his eyes. "You don't know though right?"

"No, no I don't. I think I thought at the time that it wouldn't matter, nothing was going to change how I was feeling, I couldn't feel any worse than I did." He didn't take his eyes off her even though Kim had turned back to staring out the window. "Now, I just sometimes wonder."

"Me too." Kim hugged herself tighter. "Did you not want a boy?"

"I just wanted our baby. I still want our baby. I feel like a piece of me isn't here anymore. That was a piece of me, and of you and it's gone forever." Adam spoke slowly. "I feel stupid thinking like that."

"It's not stupid Adam, none of this is stupid or how you feel is not stupid. It took me a long time to learn that."

"I know." He shrugged wearily. "It's just sometimes…"

I'm sorry." She had apologised to him so many times and no matter how many times he told her it wasn't her fault, that he didn't blame her it made no difference so he stopped trying to get her to let it go. They came to an agreement; he'd let her say sorry as often as she liked if it helped her as long as she knew that his answer never, ever changed.

Adam didn't want to get into the blame game again, it was just talking in circles. "Tell me about today?"

Kim shook her head slightly and he saw her sigh. "I've told you."

"No you told me about Erin's day, not yours."

Adam sat back and waited. He was desperate to pick at her, to get under her skin and into her head but he couldn't. He tried that before and pushed her further and further away. It was one of the hardest lesson's he'd learnt, when to push and when to just wait.

"I wasn't expecting it to hurt like this." She laid her hand on her chest. It felt tight and hard to breathe. That's all she remembered about that day, how hard it was to keep breathing. She had wondered at the time that if she just stopped breathing how long it would take to stop hurting.

"Why not?"

"Because it wasn't me, it was fake. It was a lie."

"It's not a lie and the reason we are here is because it's not fake." He waved his arm in her general direction. "Because it does hurt you and they will see that and that will be how we bring them down. It's not an act, it's not a lie."

"I'm scared that I don't know how I can do the next part. I don't know how to re-live it again and be okay with it."

"Then don't, we'll think of something else."

"No Adam, no. We need to do our jobs."

Right from the start this had been his biggest fear. "Not if it destroys you again. I told you I won't let that happen."

"What I need you to do is pick me up when I fall, not stop me falling." Kim bit at him angrily. He was a little taken aback by the venom in her voice but not surprised by the chaos that surrounded her right now. Whatever was going on he was just glad he was here. He didn't want to do this job, not this part anyway but wasn't going to let Kim go with anyone else because he knew this would happen and he had to be the one.

"Like I am right now?"

Her voice softened again. "Yes."

"Okay." Finally standing up he decided it was time to be close again. He came and stood behind her, wrapped his arms around her and grabbed hold of her hands, sliding his fingers in between hers. "I'm right here Kim."

Kim let her head fall back onto his shoulder and closed her eyes. "I know."

"And for the next few hours, let's be us. You and me, Adam and Kim."

"I don't know if I can."

"Why not?"

"Because I am not supposed to be in love with you."

"But you are?" It was half statement half question. There was about half a minute of breathless anticipation until Adam couldn't stand the silence any longer. "I was always meant to be in love with you."

"Even if I wanted to not love you, I can't, I couldn't and I don't want to, not anymore."

Adam turned her in his arms, tilted her face up and stared into her face, waiting until her eyes finally stopped looking anywhere else but into his and he smiled. "I'm so in love with you Kim, I am scared that when this job ends you will break my heart again and walk away."

"I won't."

"No?"

"I love you Adam. I'm in love with you. I want this future with you…well without the…" he didn't let her finish and captured her lips in a soft soothing kiss.

"Me too."

Surprisingly he was a first to step back and Kim looked defeated. He held her cheek and ran his thumb over her lips though. "I feel calm, for the first time in a long time I feel calm."

Kim parted her lips slightly as he dragged his thumb across it and then leant into the palm of his hand. They shared a lot of moments lately, some of them very intense when they both knew it wasn't about Mitch and Erin but they never talked and acknowledge those moments so this fell a little differently on them. "That's good right?"

"So good. It feels so good."

Kim hummed a little. "You know what I'd like?"

"I think so, I hope I do."

She slapped him playfully on the chest. "No, I want to go for a walk. It's beautiful out there, the weather is perfect. Can we?"

"Sure." It was probably low on his list of things he wanted to do right now but he was happy to go with whatever kept this closeness between them. It was something they used to do often, go hiking on their days off. Getting away from the city and all the shit they saw day in and day had been good for the soul. It had been a long time since they'd done it.

As soon as they got outside Kim slipped her hand in Adam's hand and smiled. It felt familiar and comforting and they walked in silence for a while. "Can you not tell anyone about today?"

"Well Angela knows."

"No, about this, having to come away here." Adam promised that it would just stay between them. "I don't want people to think that I can't do this. I know people are doubting me."

"No one is doubting you."

"Are you sure?

"Nobody that matters. Trust me, we don't doubt you. Not even a little bit."

Kim stopped suddenly as a deer jumped out of the bushes just ahead of them. She squealed as Adam smacked into the back of her knocking her off her feet. The squeal soon turned into a bit of scream as she clutched her ankle. "Oh god, shit…shit…shit." Kim moaned as she rolled over and curled up into a ball .

"Kim, I'm sorry." Adam crouched down to help her up and she slapped his hand away and told him not to touch her. "Is it that bad?"

"Yes, it hurts Adam." She tried to take a few deep breaths to ease the pain. "It really fucking hurts. I think it's broken."

He poked it a little, which earned him another swift backhand. "I don't think it's broken, but it is swelling already. Can you walk?"

"No, no I can't fucking walk. Why? Why would you do that?" Adam had poked it again, a little more gently this time though and if Kim could've murdered her she would have.

"Okay. Piggyback it is then." He stood up and brushed the dirt off his hands.

"Don't be stupid, go get some help."

"I'm not leaving you lying here, it's getting dark or will be soon, there is all sorts of wild animals lurking around and I don't want you to have your bits nibbled off. It's not the first time I've carried you Darlin'." Adam shook his head. It wasn't that far back to their cabin and they could stop a few times if needed.

"I can try and walk."

"Nope." Adam helped her stand up, conscious not to let her put any weight on her foot and the sudden rush of blood to her injured ankle made her grimace. He squatted down a little in front of her and made Kim jump up on his back.

Hooking his arms under her legs, Kim wrapped her arms around his neck and leant forward to make it easier for him. "You don't have to do this Adam."

"Of course I do, what sort of husband would I be if I let you walk?"

"You are not a real husband."

"Not yet."

He huffed and puffed the entire trip back, it took twice as long and they stopped a couple of times to have a rest. Every time Kim offered to try and walk but Adam refused to let her put any weight on it. If it was broken she didn't need to make it worse by weight bearing.

Kim was allowed to hop from the front door of their cabin to the chair and she lifted her injured leg up and rested it on the low table. Adam caught his breath and grabbed them both some water before calling reception to ask for some ice to be delivered.

Carefully he removed Kim's shoe. "Owwww." She groaned. "I can't believe you pushed me."

"I didn't push you. You need to give me warning if you are going to stop suddenly." Adam shot back at her. "You know like you do when we are at work? That would've been helpful."

It didn't look good, while there were no bones sticking out or obvious deformity it was already swollen and it didn't actually look like she had an ankle at all, it was one big puffy mess. He poked it again, which still annoyed her. Why would he keep doing that? She slapped his hand away angrily.

"Shit Kim, it looks nasty."

"It feels nasty." Rolling her head back she took a couple of deep breaths as it continued to throb. "Shit Adam, what are we going to do?"

"Get some ice on it and then I will take you to an Urgent Care Center and get it checked."

"Did we bring the right ID?"

"Erin Bartlett will be seen by a Doctor. Don't worry." He patted her leg and jumped up as the doorbell rang.

Thanking Room Service for the ice he did ask if she knew of a local Urgent Care Center and she did suggest they could call in a Doctor to take a look rather than sit in a Center for hours waiting to be seen. That seemed like a good option, if they decided she needed an X-ray they could go get that done.

Wrapping some ice in a damp towel Adam gently lay in over Kim's swollen foot before making them both a coffee and hunting around for some Advil. Sitting down he lifted her leg and lay it across his lap so he could hold the ice pack. "These are cute." He tickled her toes.

Kim tried to wiggle her toes but grimaced instead. "They are aren't they? I like them."

"Me too."

"You are being really sweet. What do you want?"

"To be loved by you." Adam smiled sweetly and then ducked when Kim lobbed a cushion at him. He ran his hand firmly up her calf away from her swollen foot. "This sucks hey?"

"For me yes."

"And me." His hand slipped over her knee and continued up her thigh. "I had plans. I wanted Adam to have sex with Kim."

Kim sighed and put her hand on his to stop it going too high. She awkwardly leant forward and beckoned him closer. "Just so you know it's always been me, in that moment Erin doesn't exist. She can't exist when I'm with you like that."

"I'm so in love with you, I can't breathe some days."

"You've always taken care of me. When I was shot, when I lost the baby and now." Kim sat back again. "I remember you sleeping in the chair at the hospital and then when I got home you fussed over me, kinda annoying but really nice. Even when Zoe was hurt, it was you that supported me. And then the baby, you didn't want to leave me even though I didn't want anyone near me and slept in the chair again and now…"

"I am not sleeping in the chair again."

Kim grabbed his hand and squeezed it. "I'm trying to say that although I many not show it or seem like I notice but I've always appreciated it, I see you Adam. I see who you are and I love that you are just you. I feel lucky to have you in my life."

"I feel like this is my chance to show you that I can be the husband you deserve."

Kim closed her eyes as a bolt of pain ran up her leg. He noticed the heavy breathing. "Gee Kim, you don't need to make it obvious that the thought repulses you. My two rejected marriage proposals kinda tell me that, it's just I'm such a sucker for you."

"Oh shut up. It hurts Adam, like really hurts."

"Sorry, but my point still stands."

Kim reached for his hand. "We are okay Adam. I think we are both becoming the people each other needs. I wasn't always happy with myself and the things I said and did, I should've talked to you…"

Adam rested on finger on her lips. "Shhhh, don't Kim." He didn't want to rehash the past right now, not that past anyway. He replaced his finger with his lips and the kiss was soft and warm and full of hope.

The Doctor eventually arrived, took one look at her swollen ankle and declared she didn't think it was broken but an x-ray in the morning would be a good idea. She told them to keep doing what they were doing, rest, ice, elevation and pain relief and to not put any weight on it.

It wasn't the most comfortable of nights, every time Adam moved in bed Kim would wake up so eventually he got up and slept on the couch, even though he swore it wasn't going to happen. He didn't always get things right, he could be oblivious, smug and arrogant at times however he also got a lot of things right.