Carrie sat on her bed biting her lip as she stared ahead at her laptop screen. Her old phone had been destroyed in the invasion and her home computer, everything had been taken and then placed in storage since her family had died. Any trace of her life before, locked away where she could forget it happened. Carrie sighed, looking at the login Gmail screen. It had been so long with no contact, but she knew so many people had been left with unanswered questions since everything happened and the only way people would have been able to contact her was through this email. Denver had been locked away, but the conversation with Emily the day before had led to that key unlocking her life before.
Carrie took a deep breath and typed in her username and password and hit the login button. Soon he seen was filled with unread emails. Her anxiety rose as she saw the names of so many people that she had graced the halls with at school or kicked a soccer ball with on a field. Carrie began scrolling seeing the same phases over and over: 'I'm sorry for your loss', 'what happened', 'we miss you', 'are you okay?'. Carrie all a sudden saw a name pop out on the screen: Brandon and Mara. Carrie clicked the thread and looked at the screen:
'Carrie, are you okay? We saw the news. Is it all true? Please let us know if we need anything.'
'Hey, we are assuming you still don't have your phone and Mara and I can't find another was to each out so here's to email. I hope everything is okay as it can be. We have been following the news and saw there was another family, too. We miss you are hope you are recovering and feeling better. Everyone at school is talking about you. Let us know what you need.'
'Hi Carrie. We miss and love you. Our mom told us that you probably don't have your phone or anything. We are glad they caught the guys. I'm glad. I understand you need your space and to recover, but please let us know. Mom was you can stay here if you need. Love you.'
'Hey, Carrie. Mom reached out and found out you didn't really have anywhere to go. She said that you were moving to DC with one of the agents from the FBI on the case. I'm sad we didn't get to hug you goodbye or anything. I don't know if you will see this, but we all love you and hope that you do your best. The distance won't be able to break our friendship. Whenever you are ready reach out please. We aren't forgetting you. The school held a vigil for your family. Love you."
"Hi, we realized you don't have either Mara or I phone number, so I attached them below. I know you have a lot going on and so much change. I can't imagine how it feels, but remember you always have us if you need anything. Even if we are across the country. We love you so much and hope you are going well there.'
Carrie felt a tear fall and picked up her phone. She hit the dial button and typed in the number that had been at the bottom and hit the call button.
The phone rang for a few seconds before there was a voice, "Hello?"
"Brandon?" Carrie asked quietly.
"Yes?" Brandon replied.
"It's Carrie," Carrie said feeling the tear fall down her cheek.
"Oh my god," Brandon exclaimed, "Carrie! Oh my gosh, how are you? Wait hold on. Let me grab Mara. Can you facetime?"
Carrie laughed as more tears fell, "Yeah."
The screen changed and Mara and Brandon's faces appeared. Carrie felt more tears falling and saw Mara also crying.
"Hey guys," Carrie said.
"Carrie," Mara replied, "It's so good to hear from you. We've been hoping you would see our messages."
"Yeah," Carrie replied, "I have a new phone and I just have kinda been separating myself from Colorado with everything. I'm sorry. It's just been really hard to process so I just distanced myself from everything, but I'm starting to step back."
"Don't apologize," Brandon said. "We understand and figured you would need some time."
"Thanks," Carrie said wiping her tears, "You don't know how nice it is to see you guys."
"We miss you," Mara said sadly. "Where are you?"
"Um, DC," Carrie giggled. "It's a long story."
"Some agents or something," Brandon said, "That's what are mom said."
"Um yeah," Carrie replied. "I can explain everything. Do you have time?"
"Oh yeah," Brandon replied.
"So basically," Carrie started, "A lot happened. Um…when my family was murdered, I ended up in the hospital. There were these two agents from the FBI who kept checking in and were working on the case. Once they let me out, I was placed in this group home, but the case was still active. I apparently had been the only survivor and I just felt like I had to help. So, the agents JJ and Emily kept pulling me in to help since I wanted to. Emily and I became a bit close working the case, I guess. I was supposed to go to California to stay with the cousins that live there but apparently, they had too much going on, which meant I was going to end up in foster care. Emily decided she couldn't let that happen. So, she asked if I would come live with her. I figured staying in Colorado wouldn't do much and there was something about Emily that made me fully trust her. So, the team was based out of DC so basically immediately following the case, I just got on the plane with them and flew to DC. Now I guess I'm just here."
"That's a lot," Mara replied.
"Yeah," Carrie nodded.
"Do you like it?" Brandon asked.
"Yeah,"" Carrie nodded, "It's really cool."
"And the agent person?" Mara asked. "I forgot her name. How is she?"
"Emily," Carrie nodded. "Yeah, she's great. You guys would love her."
"How is she with everything?" Mara asked.
"She is the one person who makes me feel safe," Carrie replied. "I don't know, she gets me more than either of my parents ever did. And like whenever I panic or it isn't easy, literally just anything, she is right there. Like no matter what, she is always there, and I can tell her anything and she doesn't judge any of it."
"That's amazing," Brandon replied.
"It really is," Mara replied.
"If you want to meet her," Carrie started, "She'll be home soon."
"Yeah, that would be cool," Mara said, "we have all the time. Just working on homework all afternoon."
"Ugh same," Carrie replied.
"You're back in school already?" Brandon asked.
"Yeah," Carrie nodded. "I kinda jumped in right away, had a breakdown a few weeks later, took a week off, and now I'm back. Emily's parents are ambassadors, and she grew up in prep schools and had this trust fund thing, so she wanted me at this crazy private school. It's really nice, but everyone is crazy smart."
"Oh my gosh," Mara giggled, "Well you were always one of the smartest here."
"Yeah," Carrie replied, "Here I'm like average."
"Do you have to wear a uniform," Brandon asked.
"Oh yeah," Carrie chuckled pulling her suit jacket out, "See."
"Fancy," Brandon replied. "Any new friends."
"One girl named Bianca," Carrie replied. "She's cool. You guys would like her."
"But wait, so Emily just works for the FBI?" Mara said. "Sorry going back, and her mom is an ambassador."
"Yeah," Carrie chuckled, "She speaks like five languages and went to Yale but was also super goth and alt when she was our age."
"But she's like FBI," Bandon said. "Like badass."
"Oh yeah," Carrie replied, "She's part of the Behavioral Analysis Unit, so she profiles people and then finds them in the field. The whole team is like her. They are like a huge family. Oh wait, Brandon, you know that book by David Rossi, you love? He's part of the team."
"No way," Brandon replied, "Now we have to visit."
"Please," Carrie replied, "The team is just this family. It's weird. And JJ, the other agent, she and I are also super close."
"That's great," Mara replied, "I'm glad you have them. We were really scared over what was happening."
"Yeah," Carrie replied, "I got lucky. In no ways has it been easy, but I mean we can talk more about that later. And I'm in therapy. So yeah."
"I love the color of your room," Brandon replied.
"Thanks," Carrie replied, "One of the other agents helped me paint it. Wait look at the view"
"That's amazing," Mara said. "That's so pretty."
"Yeah," Carrie said feeling more tears coming, "I miss you guys."
"We miss you," Brandon replied, "We are so sorry for all that happened."
Carrie shrugged, "It's been a lot, but I still got lucky. I've been feeling so guilty because while I am fucking hate what happened and yeah, I have just nightmares and panic attacks all the time, there is still part of me that just loves having Emily. She's kinda becoming like the perfect parent, which I feel weird already saying, but having her through this just proved it to me."
"Is she still fostering," Mara asked.
"Yeah, for now," Carrie nodded. "It's weird. Like if you guys met her, you would understand."
"Well, that's good," Brandon replied.
"Wait I hear her," Carrie replied, "Hold on."
Carrie waited a minute before heading down the hall to find Emily sitting on the couch checking her phone.
"Hey, sweety," Emily said seeing Carrie, "I was just about to come find you and see what you wanted for dinner."
"Hey," Carrie replied. "I kinda facetimed two of my friends from Colorado. I have them here and they wanted to meet you."
Emily felt a rush of so many emotions seeing Carrie with the phone. She could see the teen gleaming and the remainder of tears on the girl's face.
"Of course," Emily replied. Carrie took a seat next to Emily, "So, Brandon and Mara, this is Emily. Emily, Brandon, and Mara. They are twins."
"Hey," Emily said with a smile.
"Hi," Mara smiled with a wave.
"Hi," Brandon replied, "Nice to meet you."
"I'm glad Carrie is calling friends," Emily said wrapping an arm around the teen and pulling her in.
"Well, we were glad to hear from her," Brandon replied. "It's been too long."
"What have you all been talking about?" Emily asked.
"Um," Carrie replied, "Just life, you, DC, school."
"We decided we are visiting," Mara replied.
"Yeah, if we can find the money," Brandon replied, "Mom doesn't have that."
"Well maybe someday," Carrie shrugged.
"If you want," Emily said, "With all my jobs from the past years, I actually have a ton of miles. I could fly them out here for a week or something."
"Wait really?" Carrie asked shocked.
Brandon and Mara looked confused and grew silent on the screen.
"Yeah," Emily shrugged, "I never pay for trips for wok or anything so I just have more and more, and I think it would be really good for you to see them. I know you still are afraid of going back to Denver, so of course I would want to help."
"Actually?" Carrie replied in shock.
"You never really got a goodbye or anything," Emily said seeing tears running down Carrie's face. "Please of course I would want to."
"Oh, my gosh," Carrie said excitedly as the teen son the other line also started laughing.
Carrie wrapped her arms tightly around Emily.
"Emily," Brandon called out, "I know I just met you over the phone, but you are already one of my favorite people, and I don't understand what is happening, but thank you. Our mom might need to talk to you."
"Well yes," Emily started, "Of course parents need to approve, and I would need to talk to her ahead of time, but anytime."
"Thank you," Mara replied.
"So, you guys all have known each other for how long?" Emily asked.
"About ten years," Mara replied. "We became friends just before kindergarten and just have been best friends since."
"They are the once I mentioned the other week," Carrie smiled still leaning against Emily.
"Oh yeah," Emily replied. "I remember."
"So, you are like a cool FBI agent?" Brandon asked.
"He's obsessed with crime shows," Carrie nodded. "And David Rossi."
"Ha," Emily exclaimed, "Did you tell him, you have Rossi's personal number in your phone?"
"Carrie you did not tell me that," Brandon said. "And all these years you've been making fun of me for reading his books and watching his lectures obsessively."
"Okay sorry," Carrie replied, "But that's all you talked about for six months."
"Yeah," Mara said punching Brandon, "Living with you then was hell."
"Sorry," Brandon replied, "So Emily, you are badass, right?"
"Um, yes," Emily said. "I guess I'm pretty badass. I also spend a lot of time reading reports and doing paperwork, but I guess it has its moments. I just get to kick criminal ass."
"Okay, but everything you do sounds so interesting," Brandon said.
"Hey," Emily said, "When you visit, I can give you a whole tour of the BAU."
"That would be so cool," Brandon replied.
"Okay," Emily said looking to Carrie, "I bet you are hungry, and I am, too. I was going to ask if you wanted to go to the store, but I think you should stay here and continue talking. Any requests?"
"Sesame bagels," Carrie replied.
"Okay," Emily said, "What about for dinner? I was kinda thinking getting the cauliflower gnocchi and adding some chicken, pesto, and chicken to it. Does that sound good."
"Yeah," Carrie nodded, "That sounds really good."
"Any other requests?" Emily asked. "Or do I get the normal stuff?"
"More blueberries if you want," Carrie shrugged.
"That sounds good to me," Emily smiled. "Well anyways, Brandon and Mara, great meeting you. I'm sure I'll be seeing you later tonight or sometime soon. Thank you for being around."
"Thank you for everything you've done for Carrie," Mara said.
"Yes, we appreciate it," Brandon said.
"Well, it's my pleasure," Emily said, and getting up, kissed Carrie's head, "I'll be back hopefully in an hour. Traffic isn't great."
"Okay," Emily smiled, "See you then."
Emily threw on her coat and headed out.
"Well, that's Emily," Carrie said to Brandon and Mara.
"She's so nice," Brandon replied. "And funny."
"That she is," Carrie replied.
"And pretty," Mara said. "How does she not have a boyfriend."
"I mean it would have to be a woman," Carrie replied, "She's gay."
"I love her even more," Brandon said.
"Em is one of the best people I know," Carrie replied with a sigh.
"I'm really thankful you have her," Mara said. "I mean it. I'm so happy that she stepped in."
"Yeah, me too," Carrie replied. "It was so quick, and I was a bit scared, but yeah, I feel really lucky to have her in my life. She has been so supportive through everything.
"You can tell see really cares and loves you," Mara replied. "I was going to beat her up otherwise, but yeah, you can tell she wants you right there."
"Yeah," Carrie replied, "You have no idea. The number of nights she just has stayed with me while I just panicked and sobbed. Like I would never have been able to go and talk to my parents about so many things, and with her, I just can without hesitation at this point. Like whatever it is, she doesn't yell, she just becomes protective."
"Not many people are like that, Carrie," Mara replied, "I'm glad she is a good safety person."
"Me too," Brandon replied, "I know with all that happened, you aren't okay."
Carrie felt another tear fall, "No, I'm not, but each day it gets easier in some ways and worse in others. I was having terrible night terrors and those aren't as bad. I get a lot of flashbacks randomly. Those are really scary, but I know I am safe."
"It's a relief to see you," Mara replied, "We've just been trying to picture where you are at."
"Yeah," Carrie replied, "Its nice to see people that I've known for so much of my life. Again, I'm sorry I didn't reach out earlier."
"We don't care," Brandon replied, "We knew you would reach out once you were ready."
"Well, I'm glad to have you back," Carrie replied, "What's been going on for you?"
"Our dad reached out trying to play all nice with us," Brandon replied, "Like he doesn't have a second family he cares more about."
"Ugh, ew," Carrie replied, "Why is he like that?"
"Oh, I wish I knew," Brandon replied.
"I'm talking to a guy," Mara smiled.
"Oh my gosh," Carrie replied, "Tell me more."
"Well," Mara replied, "He goes to the other school, but we text and call. I met him at a football game. We are meeting up next week though."
"Ooooo," Carrie exclaimed, "You are going to have to tell me all about it."
"I will," Mara replied.
"I'm single," Brandon said. "Still."
"Well, me too," Carrie smirked. "How's your school going."
"Good," Mara sighed, "Mr. Jed is still a jerk. Everything is normal."
"Nothing really ever changes there," Carrie said, "Except apparently with me."
"Yeah," Brandon replied. "We should all probably work on homework and talk."
"Yes, we should," Carrie smirked, "I have so much."
"What classes are you taking now?" Mara asked.
"Latin II," Carrie started, "English AC, 20th Century History, Algebra II AC, Biology AP, French, and Applied Psych."
"That sounds like so much fun," Brandon said sarcastically.
"You have no idea," Carrie smirked.
"I love talking again," Mara squealed.
The three stayed talking until Emily was home and dinner was on the table. Carrie ran out for dinner quickly eating before running back to her room to get on the phone. Emily found it amusing and as glad to see Carrie acting like a normal teenager. Another hour or two passed and Emily made her way down the hall knocking on the opened door to Carrie's room.
"Yeah?" Carrie responded looking up from her phone.
"It's getting a little late," Emily said. "It's past ten."
"Wait it is?" Carrie said checking for herself, "Oh wow, that went by quickly. Hey guys, I need to get going to bed. I can call again this week."
"Sounds good," Brandon replied. "I'll call you."
"I will," Carrie replied.
"We miss you," Mara said. "But it's good to talk. Have a good night."
"Same goes for you guys," Carrie replied hanging up.
Emily took a step into the room and leant against the wall, "So, you decided to break that barrier."
"Yeah," Carrie said looking down and back up at Emily nervously.
"I'm really proud of you," Emily smiled walking to take a seat on the bed.
"I'd been debating it," Carrie shrugged. "Lots of pros and cons."
"And how do you feel?" Emily asked.
Carrie sighed raising her knees up to her chest, "A little overwhelmed, honestly."
"Do you want to talk?" Emily asked her eyebrows arching.
"Yeah," Carrie replied seeing Emily's brown eyes full of concern.
"Start when you are ready," Emily said quietly.
"Okay," Carrie nodded, taking a moment to gather herself, "I…I knew I couldn't just forget everything back there. I mean I was born there and never left until now. I left people with unanswered question. It also wasn't fair to them."
"Were you ready?" Emily asked.
Carrie looked up, "I don't know if I could ever be ready, so I just decided to do it. I figured the only way was through my old email, so I just logged on. It was just full of messages from everyone and new sources."
"That's a lot," Emily said.
"I just sat there freaking out for a minute, but I did it," Carrie continued, "I'm really glad I did. I just saw this email chain Brandon and Mara sent. It really took me back because they started sending messages the day everything happened. They are my oldest friends, so I had to call them."
"They are good for you," Emily said softly. "It was nice seeing you smile and laugh so much. Your face was so lit up."
"I thought things would be weird," Carrie started, "But it was just back too normal right away, and emotional."
"They are true friends," Emily said. "I know that was hard for you, but I'm so, so, so proud."
"I know," Carrie sighed, "I don't think I'm ready to read the rest of the emails.
"And you never need to," Emily added.
"I think I will want to someday," Carrie shrugged. "Right now, I don't think I can. At least not alone. I'm curious, but again, I think I'm just going to dissociate if I do that."
"I'll be there if you want to," Emily reassured the teen.
"Thanks, Em," Carrie smiled.
"How do you feel right now? Emily asked.
"Sad and scared," Carrie frowned feeling her throat tighten. "Um…It's just bringing up memories. The memories are good and bad, so I don't know how to feel about them. They hurt no matter what they are about, but then the bad I just keep seeing that night."
"What can I do?" Emily asked.
Carrie shrugged, "I don't know."
"Well," Emily said, "Do you want me to stay in here tonight, take a day off school, I can cook a meal."
"Not the last one," Carrie giggled, "Can you just make sure I get in bed? I think I can be fine falling asleep, but I just want you here."
"Okay," Emily smiled. "I'm proud of you for choosing to open that bridge."
"Thanks," Carrie smiled, sliding off the bed to throw pj's on.
Carrie quickly used the bathroom and climbed in bed. Emily drew the covers over the teenager and kissed Carrie's forehead.
"I did it," Carrie said realizing everything, "Wow. I'm overwhelmed, but Brandon and Mara are back."
"Yes, they are," Emily smiled. "And maybe soon they can visit."
"You're serious about that?" Carrie asked.
"Yes," Emily replied. "Of course, I am."
"Thank you, Em," Carrie yawned.
"I love that you have them, but I hope you'll still hand out with me," Emily pouted jokingly. "I enjoy our movie and game nights."
"I'm sorry," Carrie replied, "I guess I can make room for you."
"Yes," Emily smirked, "Good because I enjoy spending the time when I'm home with you."
"I enjoy all those times, too," Carrie agreed yawning.
"Okay," Emily said catching Carrie's yawn, "You should try to sleep and so should I."
"I think if I close my eyes I'll pass out," Carrie whispered her eyes starting to close.
"I hope you sleep well," Emily replied softly.
"I will," Carrie said, rolling onto her side.
"I love you," Emily said.
"Love you, too, Em," Carrie barely making the words audible.