Chapter 8
Its been a week since Rhysand and Mor had left to help Feyre. The spark had grown slowly over the week, and I should start to train with it again. I still could not be touched by anyone, even the twin's shadow like touches where too much at times. Even know sitting on the landing space looking out over the city. I knew rationally that I was safe, yet I just could not let go of that fear, it had been conditioned into my being. I feared that the terror would never leave me. The memories certainly won't, but maybe one day, I will be able to sleep through the night. A shadow snaked along my ankle, notifying me that Azriel was coming, he started doing so after startling me in the ring at the beginning of the week. He stood beside me silently, as we watched the nightlife starting the come alive in the city as the stars began to appear.
''Would you like to train with me tomorrow'' his smooth voice sounded. I looked at him, he looked hopeful behind his stoic façade. ''No hand to hand, just swordplay or bo staff if you prefer'' he said maybe a bit too quickly. I hesitated for a minute, rationally I knew I had to do it but was I mentally ready. The easy answer no, the more challenging explanation would be no still, but this was training, not anything else. I nodded and said ''I would like that, but no touching''. ''of course'' he answered. We were silent for a while, though not uncomfortable rather a lovely silence. I was really getting too comfortable, especially around him. ''Az'' Cassian called from the doorway. ''What is it this time Cass'' he asked, and I swore I felt a little annoyance. He sent me a small smile before walking to Cassian. ''Tomorrow we have a family dinner, you're welcome to join'' called out to me. I nodded to him, '' I'll think about it.'' Turning back to the city for a little longer, before going to my room for another night of restless sleeping and nightmares.
Standing in the training courtyard just after seven, staring at the weapons rack as once again a shadow snaked my ankle. ''Cassian said you preferred dual swords'' Azriel said walking up to me. ''It's okay I can fight with single swords just as well, but I might be a bit rusty''. He nodded motioning to the ring behind us, ''ready to get started''. I nodded, taking a long slim sword and following him. He had picked his usual sword and took his fighting stance. I followed noting that his stance was more robust than mine, not as much as Cassian so he must favour some speed over the brutal strength his brother wields. As we started, my suspicions were confirmed, he moved silently and with quite some grace.
He took a small step towards me, as I stepped back, as I mocked a strick to his right side our real dance began. We moved in response to each other, as we tried to strike the other. This dance was about more than just brute strength, and we both knew it, our wits and speed seemed to be equally matched. He made a front strike which I could easily block, but the moment I did, he went to trip me. I jumped over his swipe towards the back, swirling over me left side the swipe at his legs. He answered the swipe with a block-pushing my sword back. This time going for my left side, dodging and striking forward was my answer. We continued anticipating, avoiding, hitting, thrusting and swiping at each other for a long time. I could tell he was holding back slightly, but by the end of our session, we were both sweating and breathing hard.
Finally, he hit me in the side, which causes me to fall, I tried to trip him, but it was too late. He had pointed his sword at my neck. He smiled faintly at me and said, ''good fight.'' I nodded my thanks, trying to regain my breath as he held out his hand to help me up. I know he meant well, but I couldn't take his hand, I flinched. Hurt flashed on his face. I wanted to sink through the ground, ''I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to'' I whispered. Azriel kneeled to my level sitting down on the floor a meter or so away from me. As I sat up, crossing my legs. ''it's really okay, I understand'' he said.
''It's not okay, it's not you; I swear'' I began ''I shouldn't be so afraid, it's safe here even with the war coming''. ''Hey, hey, look at me,'' he said hearing my distress. ''It's okay to be scared, I don't know what you have been through, but we all have our demons we understand, I want to help you'' he said. The sincerity in his eyes almost made me hug him, but I couldn't not yet. ''thank you'' I whispered, ''how can I ever repay you guys?'' ''There is no need for that'' Rhysands voice sounded behind us, he smirked at the both of us. Finding us in such an intimate position, well intimate for us that is. ''You're back'' I said ''how was she''. His smirk fell shaking his head, ''not great, I don't know what they are doing to her there, but it is terrible''. ''I'm so sorry'' I said standing up. ''It's why I am here, Azriel can you post extra spies in the spring court?'' Azriel nodded to the question and went to write the letters required. I guess Rhysand talked to him through his mind.
''Briar we need to talk about your people'' Rhysand started. I nodded, knowing what was coming. The conversation that followed was a bit awkward, but he knew where I might find some of my own people. I left that day before the dinner to hone my body and mind, hoping that the little magic that had returned would keep increasing as I went. I was trying to track down some of my old squad or some of the tribes. Being careful to keep out of the spring and autumn courts.