.-.
Playground
Chapter 10: Pillow Talk
Ollie didn't recoil from the car seat this time, probably too out of it to realize he was being strapped into one. The sedan hadn't been prepared with an extra one when it picked them up at McDonald's, but this time it had two.
If he'd given it half a second's thought, Tony would've realized earlier that Loki had no idea how to properly secure a kid in a car seat. No cars, no car seats. Buckle this piece into that piece was easy enough. How to tighten it up just the right amount, how high up to pull the chest clip, what to do with the strap at the bottom, that required instruction, or else running a series of computer-simulated crash tests. These weren't even quite the standard car seats. Tony had studied the physics and the engineering and improved the design. His version was currently undergoing the long process of federal safety tests, but he'd already conducted his own extensive tests and saw no need to wait for government bureaucracy to catch up.
"Daddy."
His Munchkin had been urgently making a come here motion with her hand, so he'd bent down and she'd cupped both hands around her mouth and his ear.
"Can I wear my princess dress? The pink one? Please please please please please?"
She'd quivered with excitement, bouncing on her toes. How was he supposed to say no to that? He hadn't even tried.
He smiled at the memory as he got Morgan strapped in around all the fluffs and ruffles, then went around to the other side to get Ollie's straps adjusted correctly, adding in a few quiet explanations so Loki would know how to do it next time.
Loki climbed over Ollie to get between the two kids, while Tony took the front passenger seat next to Damir, and they set off for Loki's hotel on West 56th. It wasn't far at all from the Park Avenue townhouse, so sending Loki and Ollie home in a taxi was absurd, especially since Loki didn't have any money to pay for one.
Tony twisted around to look back at Loki. The guy's slender frame fit just fine in the middle, and the leg room back there was generous even for Loki's long limbs. Ollie was asleep. With her eyes closed, Morgan gave a sigh, squirmed a little, and settled back down, asleep or close to it.
"You know, I'm glad we ran into each other today. Never thought I'd say that, but it's true."
Loki started to say something, then looked away for a second, then began again. "I'll let you know later whether I'm glad of it or not."
Tony hesitated, but Loki didn't seem angry, just tense.
"You and Jane have a lot to talk about, huh?"
This time Loki's gaze fell toward the window and didn't turn back.
Loki and Jane – it was still beyond strange to put their names together like that – were having problems. They wanted different things, and Tony suspected Loki didn't, and couldn't, understand what Jane really wanted. Jane, Loki had said, wanted Ollie to know the truth. Loki had clearly won that argument, instead insisting on Plan A: Wish The Jotun Away, followed by Plan B: Scare The Jotun Away. Neither was working. He wondered if Jane even knew about Plan B. Ollie's pleas of don't tell were all about his papa, with no mention of Jane. If Jane, like Pepper, was working full-time while Loki stayed with Ollie, it was possible she'd never seen it and had no idea how Loki had reacted. Maybe they weren't talking. Maybe they were talking, but they weren't listening.
Tony wanted to ask. But he knew Loki wouldn't appreciate it in front of Ollie, even if Ollie was sleeping, or in front of his driver, for that matter. It felt like the right thing to do, though, if circumstances were different. He made a face he figured Loki couldn't see. The right thing to do. For Loki. Whatever. In for a penny, in for a pound, as the saying went. The saying that was about as nonsensical as this entire day, at least if you were American.
"What do you see in your nightmares?"
"Uhhh, say what now?"
"You heard me."
Tony said nothing, and Loki just stared back at him.
"You said you have nightmares."
"I…yeah. Sometimes. Everybody has nightmares sometimes. Goes back to when you used to dream about showing up at school and realizing you forgot to put your—"
"That's not what you meant."
"Okay," Tony said after a beat. "No, that's not what I meant. But I don't see—"
"Security."
Tony wrinkled his forehead.
"Mutual security."
His forehead smoothed. "Oh. Do you…do you really feel like you need that?"
Loki broke the eye contact, and a shuddery little breath escaped Tony. Okay, so maybe Loki did show up in an unpleasant dream every now and again. It didn't mean anything. A few nights ago he'd dreamt he was trapped alone in a submarine that hundreds of faceless soldiers were firing on with muskets that were oddly effective in making the sub slowly sink to the bottom of a really deep swimming pool. In the middle of a desert. Okay, so maybe the dreams weren't entirely without meaning.
"Perhaps," Loki said, gazing blankly out the window.
Tony swallowed hard. Loki's question – request? demand? no, not a demand – was unnervingly pointed…but maybe fair? He knew a lot about Loki now. He knew Loki was here in the first place, and he understood what it was to have enemies, and to be a father with enemies. He knew Loki's deepest darkest secret. He knew the location of all the major chinks in Loki's armor. Yeah, it was probably fair.
"Okay," he said, drawing Loki's eyes back. "I see…different things. But there are what you might call common themes. Suffocating. Drowning. Falling."
Loki licked his lips and swallowed at that one. Random dry-lip moment? Maybe. But maybe another chink. Nothing Tony had any business commenting on. Or wanted to dwell on himself. Better to move right along.
"Dying alone," he added.
Damir more or less knew already, from the handful of anxiety attacks he'd observed that Tony had mostly tried to laugh off afterward, and from Happy having prepared him for it before he took the job. For some reason, though, it was still harder to say with Damir next to him watching the road than it was to say it to Loki, who was looking him straight in the eye.
"Maybe it all comes down to feeling helpless. Or not in control? That's what Pepper thinks. I've never been the guy who sits back and lets things happen around him. Well, I guess that's debatable. But I'm not now. I'm the guy who gets up and does something. I don't like being either ignorant or helpless." Tony shrugged. "I was taken hostage in Afghanistan once, came out of that one okay, but then that whole thing in New York…."
He'd intended to keep going, but somehow he'd managed to forget who he was talking to, or more accurately that this Loki and that Loki were the same one-and-only side-switching Loki. And he'd already said more than he needed to. Loki had asked about nightmares, not their source.
"Anyway, it doesn't happen often." He shrugged again. "Or, maybe it does. I don't usually remember my dreams, so who knows what my brain gets up to when the attic light finally goes out."
The car lurched as Damir hit the brakes hard, seizing Tony's attention for a moment – a couple of drunk kids confusing the middle of the block for a crosswalk – and that seemed to be that.
"I have nightmares, too," Tony heard from the backseat, swiveling back around to find Loki staring out the window again. "Sometimes."
Tony wondered if Loki meant the sleeping kind or the waking kind, or maybe both. Loki had probably been in and out of one all day, and was headed home to the next phase of it right now.
Loki didn't seem inclined to say anything further, and Tony couldn't think of a single follow-up question that Loki might answer. Maybe he didn't want to hear those answers right now, anyway. It had been a long day, and he was looking forward to getting back to the townhouse. Pepper was so getting a foot massage tonight.
./.
./.
Loki was just putting his phone away – texting Jane, probably – when they pulled up in front of the hotel. It was a little past 10.
Ollie was a comatose limp noodle when Loki extricated him from the car seat, frowning at having to maneuver the kid's thoroughly uncooperative arms out of the straps. Tony knew exactly what Loki was thinking.
"If you had cars on Asgard, you'd want your kids in car seats. I'll send you the studies. Trust me, you'll be on board. And when it's time to buy one, don't get it from a store. I'll hook you up with the best."
Clutching Ollie to his chest with both arms, Loki shouldered the car door closed despite Damir standing there ready to help. He came around to the other side of the car and Tony rolled down the window.
"I'll be waiting on those videos. Not—. Not the one—"
"We need to get some enhanced security features on your phone first. Standard specs won't cut it if you're serious about protecting your data. I'll be in touch. Tomorrow? Day after? I won't forget. I could send it to you now if you really—"
"No, it's fine. I can wait."
"Okay. Better get going then, incepray. Before the incesspray wonders what happened to you and the incepray uniorjay."
"For whose benefit are you speaking igpay atinlay right now?"
"Apparently yours. Figured you'd like to learn a new language."
"Hm. I'll add it the ever-growing list of today's unexpected events. Learned a new language. Good night, Tony."
"Night. Tell the little squirt I said goodbye."
Loki scowled, but a nod followed.
./.
./.
Knocking was easier than trying to get to the key card.
"Hey, you made it up, I was about to come looking," Jane said as she opened the door. "Let me take him. Aw, you're out cold, aren't you, Bugbear?" She kissed the top of Ollie's head.
"He's been out for hours. Fell asleep in the car on the way to the Watertown airport. Busy day," Loki said with a deliberately casual smile. Explanations could wait until their son was properly in bed.
"Why'd you dress him like this?"
"Oh, one moment. I forgot." Loki brushed a hand over Ollie's back, his clothing reverting to the shirt and jeans he'd put on this morning, leather bracers and vest and the rest of the typical Asgardian clothing fading away. "Morgan Stark. She's bedazzled by princes. She changed into a pink gown she called her 'princess dress' for the journey back, and she wanted Ollie to wear his 'prince clothes.' She had Ollie asking to wear 'prince clothes,' and even though he knows as much he wasn't satisfied that we had no such thing, much less at Tony's house. I suggested he dress as though he normally would on Asgard. We went into the bathroom as though to change his clothes the usual way. Morgan was pleased. So was Ollie."
"You could've given him a cape," Jane said, expertly working Ollie out of his real clothes and into his sleepwear, pausing only to turn his arms this way and that to inspect them.
Picking up the items of clothing Jane discarded on the floor, Loki gave a huff. "He would have looked ridiculous in a cape. But he looked quite fine in his normal clothing from home."
"If you're trying to say something…"
"I'm not. He looked quite fine in his Midgardian clothing, too. It's strange to see him dressed like this, but he still looks good in it." The shirt was a deep blue with horizontal black stripes, three entirely unnecessary buttons at the top, and an equally unnecessary pocket on the left breast. Nothing like it was worn on Asgard, but the colors did suit Ollie, and it certainly went on and off more quickly than his Asgardian clothing.
"Can I have some chicken nuggets?"
"Maybe tomorrow, okay?"
"Okay," Ollie said, and that was the extent of his rousing.
"Good night, sweetheart," Jane said, folding the covers up over their son just so and kissing his forehead.
When she stepped away, Loki went to the bed and likewise kissed Ollie's forehead, breathing in deeply, and afterward straightening up just enough to linger over his long eyelashes, his eyebrows, soft cheeks, little nose, lips, every part of him traceable to Jane, or….
"You should give him a bath tomorrow morning."
"All right," Loki said, standing up and following Jane from the bedroom, where the hotel had added a cot for Ollie to sleep on. Not a proper bed, but Ollie thought it was fun. He thought it was more fun to get up from it and climb into his parents' bed, of course.
He left the door cracked – at least he'd managed to convince Jane to get a room that had the basics of a kitchen and a door creating a tiny separate bedroom – and followed Jane out into the living area.
"Erik was worried. Call him tomorrow, okay? Don't wait for him to call you when it's already so late for him."
"All right." He'd texted Erik on the way to the plane, knowing he would likely miss the call and not wanting Erik to be concerned.
"I was worried," Jane said as they stopped in front of the sofa. "You spent almost the entire day with Tony Stark, and you both survived? No injuries? No property damage?"
"None. Well…I don't think I damaged the gazebo when I threw him out of it. I was careful."
"You were careful when you threw Tony out of a gazebo?"
"Of course. He wasn't wearing his armor."
"Do I want to know? Never mind. I guess I need to know, even if I don't want to. Oh, no, did Ollie see this? Please tell me Ollie didn't see it."
"He didn't see it."
"Thank God. What about his arm? What was that about a giant hole in his arm?"
Loki grimaced. So much had happened since that he'd already forgotten about that part.
"What happened, Loki?"
"We were at that playground you suggested. We explored it together, and then I let him run about as he pleased. I was watching him closely. I never took my eyes off him…until Tony approached. He was talking nonsense. Threatening me, telling me I'd best leave and leave alone, and it turned out he thought I was there to— I don't know. To harm him in some way. Or rather, to harm his child. Ollie and Morgan were playing together, and I didn't know she was Tony's and Tony didn't know Ollie was mine. We nearly came to blows and we were both simply protecting our children. But in the meantime, neither of us was watching the children we were so intent on protecting."
It was undeniably embarrassing, looking back. And limited to embarrassing only because no harm had come of it in the end. No permanent harm, at least.
"They decided to climb a tree. Morgan fell, and Ollie jumped after her. Unwise, but a good instinct, don't you think? He was worried for her. A branch must have punctured his arm on the way down. I used a healing stone within minutes. He's fine. I told him I'd teach him how to climb trees properly. Safely."
Jane's eyes popped open wide and her lips parted, but to her credit she quickly tamped down on her own instinct to protect, equal in strength to Loki's but of a different variety. "Okay."
"Morgan twisted her ankle. I was able to heal it, and…." Loki put his hands out, as though surrendering to the fate of the day.
"And Tony was so grateful he invited you and Ollie to fly to upstate New York with him?"
"Actually, had it been solely up to the two of us, we would have gladly parted ways at the playground and never spoken again. The children are the reason we didn't."
"Ollie has his first friend here."
"He does."
"Thanks for taking him to the park."
"It…worked out in the end."
"I missed you today."
"I would've thought you were far too busy to—"
Jane closed the last remaining distance between them and cut him off with her lips to his. By the time he'd caught up with this turn of events – he did have a lot on his mind – she was pressing at the seam of his lips, and by the time he relaxed and parted them she was pulling away from the arms he'd just started to encircle her with.
"You have a new friend, too."
"I'm sorry, you have…I'm sorry." I'm sorry, he'd learned, was always a good response, a safe response, at least until he understood what was going on.
"Tony?"
"I…"
"Both kids were asleep, I'm guessing, and you and Tony were drinking together? The kids didn't drag you into that. What is that? Something sweet."
Loki was nodding and licking his own lips before she finished, having realized along the way that she'd tasted the alcohol. "Port. And 'friend' is…probably too strong a word. We talked about some things."
"Talked? Or shouted? Where does throwing him out of a gazebo fit into this?"
"Talked, actually. I'll tell you everything, love, just…sit with me, all right?"
"What happened?"
Jane's tone had changed; she knew something was wrong, something more than a brief physical quarrel between him and Tony. The first real spike of fear broke through the near constant ebb and flow of anxiety he'd been carrying around since this afternoon's incident with Ollie.
He sat, twisting around awkwardly on the sofa whose tired springs let him sink in uncomfortably deep, and after a moment Jane sat down beside him. She pulled out the side pillow she'd partly sat on and put it over her lap, then leaned in, resting her elbows on it. Loki refused to touch those pillows – others had surely rested their feet on them and he doubted they were cleaned adequately if at all between guests – but the reflexive thought was a mere flicker now.
"While we were at Tony's house, in fact while you and I were talking…it happened again."
"It…?"
She was asking, but Loki knew she knew. "It was deliberate. I had stepped outside for privacy. Tony was in the kitchen. Ollie and Morgan were in the next room watching Sesame Street, and the Cookie Monster was on the screen. Cookie Monster is—"
"I know who Cookie Monster is. I watched that show when I was Ollie's age."
"All right. He asked Morgan if she likes blue people. When she said she did…he changed."
Jane drew her knees up and swung them around, planting her feet in front of her on the couch and wrapping her arms around them. "Is Morgan okay?"
"She touched him. His arm, his head…she said he was cold, but she wasn't harmed. She wasn't frightened, either. Only surprised. Curious. She had questions Ollie couldn't answer."
"Is Ollie okay?"
"He's fine."
Jane looked relieved, but they both knew that wasn't the end of it. If not for Jane's legs and a squashed pillow walling her off, Loki would have reached over to pull her closer. Instead, he sat unmoving and related more fully – and with only a little tempering – what had happened. The conclusion he'd come to. By the time he finished, Jane was staring at him, mouth ajar, back straight, rapt attention. She was clearly surprised, but beyond that he couldn't discern her thoughts.
"Do you agree he should know the truth?"
"I…yes, Loki. You know I've always thought that."
"Then how am I to tell him? What do I tell him? He's heard the term Frost Giant, he's probably heard Jotunheim mentioned before, but he knows nothing of all that. He won't understand what it means."
One leg went down, tucked underneath her. "He doesn't have to understand everything. Just put it in simple terms. You were born on another realm, and because of that you can look different, and so can he. It's a foundation. As he gets older, as he has questions, we answer them as best we can."
"You make it sound so easy."
"I know it won't be easy."
The other leg came down and Jane slid closer, taking one of Loki's hands. The pillow fell to the floor.
"How am I supposed to explain it to him? Why he can't continue to do this? How can I explain it without making him feel…as though he's done something wrong? As though there's something wrong with him? Because there isn't."
"No, there isn't."
"It isn't his fault he was born with this…this curse over him."
Jane's hand slipped from his. He'd said the wrong thing. They didn't talk about this as much as they used to, for exactly this reason. Too easy to say the wrong thing. Jane understood better than Tony, but she didn't understand as a life-long Aesir would. He could salvage this, though.
"Not a curse. It's simple biology, and he can't help his. Tony kept saying I should reassure Ollie about…about…. But he doesn't understand the significance on Asgard of being a Frost Giant."
"Tony's right."
Gathering himself to try to respond took a moment. "Jane—"
"I don't have the right answer for the best way to explain everything to him. But I know the wrong answer. You can't tell him he's cursed. You—"
"He's not cursed," Loki said testily. "I already said I misspoke."
"You didn't misspeak. You can't tell him he's cursed. You can't—"
"I said I misspoke. I think I know when I've misspoken."
"Don't give me that. I know you. You said exactly what you think. You can't tell him they're evil and horrible. You can't tell him they're monsters, barbarians, mindless beasts, all those things you've called them."
"I didn't invent those terms, Jane. You know that, too."
"I know you didn't invent them. People have been dehumanizing their— depersonizing their enemies probably since the first enemies were made. Easier to go out and slaughter a bunch of beasts than a fellow person. My son is not an animal. And—"
"No, he is not," Loki said, launching himself up from the wretched sofa.
"And you are not an animal," Jane said, looking up at him.
"No, I'm—. This isn't about me."
"Right."
If he hadn't heard it plainly in her snide tone, her anger was equally plain on her face before she glared down at the floor. He had to tread carefully. But it was hard. He could not just shove his own reasoning aside in favor of hers, not about this. His reasoning or his emotions. He had a right to those emotions.
"What would you have me say about them, then, Jane? I want to hear it. Not the right answer, any answer other than the wrong one will do."
She took a deep breath, then untucked her legs and stood. "You have to find a way to speak positively about Jotunheim. They are people. They just happen to be people that your people fought a brutal war against a long time ago, a war they started. You'd be saying the same kinds of things if you'd gone to war against Nidavellir, or Alfheim, or Vanaheim."
"Vanaheim!" Loki scoffed. "I guarantee you we would not be saying the same things."
"Just look at what people are saying about the Dark Elves now! It is the same thing."
"They're the Dark Elves. A remnant of the Dark Elves, bent on the annihilation of all life in the universe except for them. Of course it's the same thing with them. But Vanaheim? No. We did fight a war against Vanaheim, long ago. No one ever described them like that."
"How do you know? You weren't around back then."
"I studied the war. I know."
"When was the history that you studied written? After you made peace with Vanaheim again, after they became your biggest trade partner again?"
"Vanaheim is…. You are being ridiculous."
"Don't call me ridiculous, Loki."
"Then stop being ridiculous! You're equating Jotunheim and Vanaheim. Is that truly what you want me to tell our son? That Jotunheim is no different from Vanaheim? That we'll go take a vacation there so he can tour his father's birthplace? I can't lie to him like that, Jane."
She started to turn away; he thrust out a palm. A sign of surrender that wasn't, but she stopped.
"Fine. All right. I'll tell him Jotunheim is a wonderful place. A place anyone would be proud to come from. The Frost Giants are a noble people, respected throughout the realms, honorable warriors and skilled artists, their culture is renowned and emulated. A people whose blood anyone would be proud to carry even a few drops of. But what happens when he meets anyone else who knows anything about Jotunheim? Or are we meant to offer up these lies to the rest of Asgard, too? Do you know what? The rest of Asgard won't believe it, because the rest of Asgard is not four years old!"
Only when Jane swiped the heel of her hand over one eye, then the other, did Loki realize how loud his voice had become. How sneering and contemptuous.
"I'm sorry," he said automatically. "I'm so sorry, Jane. I shouldn't have…." Neither of us shrinks from a good argument, he heard Tony saying. Loki would not shrink from this one. "I'm not sorry. I didn't speak in…the most appropriate way, and I'm sorry I raised my voice, but I meant what I said. I have to tell him the truth about what he inherited from me, but I can't do that and then in the same breath lie to him about how Asgard sees Jotunheim."
"Why do you think I don't want to raise him on Asgard?"
"I—." Loki took a step back. "What?" "Is Ollie turning blue the real reason you're moving to Earth?" No. It wasn't. Unless Jane had been lying to him for months. A year, even. Loki was left reeling, speechless.
Her eyes, still glistening with tears, pleaded with him, though he couldn't imagine what she wanted from him right now.
"Is it so shocking? I don't want him raised in that environment. And I don't want his teachers filling his head with ignorant prejudice based on Asgard's farcically incomplete understanding of everything related to Jotunheim. How could you not see that?"
Just like that, all the words came back. "I don't know, Jane. Perhaps because you never said that. Perhaps because you told me you wanted to come here to reconnect with your colleagues and pursue your career, and you wanted Ollie to get to know Midgard. Perhaps because I trusted you and did not question whether you might be deceiving me."
"I couldn't get you to listen, okay? Not about that. You listen to me about everything else, but you shut me down, you…you shut me out when I try to talk to you about this."
"That is not true."
Jane's eyes still glistened, but the pleading and any hint of meekness were swallowed up in a burst of anger. "Oh my God, Loki, I should have recorded you! Everything you said Tony Stark said to you? I've tried to say the same things, and you—"
"You have not. I always listen to you, about everything."
"Oh, like you're listening right now? Interrupting me every time I say—"
"I am not." He swallowed. "Continue."
"I tried so many times. I tried to talk to you about this and it's…it's like you have this machine in your brain with an on/off switch," she said, gesturing with her hand, "and it switches to off the instant I bring up the Frost Giants. Something in your brain just switched off right now, I guarantee it." She looked away for a moment, shaking her head. "All those beautiful women on Asgard and I never imagined I'd be jealous of a man. Why is it you can hear it when Tony Stark says it and not when I say it?"
Fresh flames of anger had licked up his spine at the mention of Frost Giants, but nothing had shut off. He did not shut off. "You're conflating unrelated things. Disagreement isn't an off-switch. You can't expect me to agree with you in all matters. And if there are things I don't care to listen to when you bring them to me for the twentieth time, it's because with you it's always about me. What we're dealing with here, it's not about me, it's about Ollie."
"I see. Totally unrelated. Got it."
"Sarcasm sits poorly on you," Loki said, nearly vibrating with anger now. The rational side of him was screaming at him to shut his mouth, to step back because he was hurtling toward a precipice and he didn't know – didn't want to know – what lay beyond it. The side of him that seethed with primal things he didn't dare try to touch easily drowned out the rational side, though.
"You think it looks great on you? Okay, no sarcasm. Just plain language. How am I supposed to even hope that Asgard can let go of its prejudice if you can't let go of it, when you know the consequences?"
"It doesn't matter what the rest of Asgard thinks if the rest of Asgard doesn't know."
"Ollie's going to know! And you know. It matters what you think, more than anybody else. It matters what you think about Ollie. It matters what you think about yourself."
"You're doing it again. I know what you're saying. I am not one of them. I am Aesir. What I think about myself is not what I think about them. They have nothing to do with me. This is what you never grasp, what you refuse to hear. Tony, too, blathering on about accepting myself. I do accept myself. I do not accept them. And why should I? They didn't want me, they abandoned me. I spent a grand total of a week of life there, give or take. And how many weeks have I lived since? As Aesir? Rasied by Odin and Frigga, alongside Thor, with no one the wiser, not even me? Even when I tried to turn my back on them I never embraced Jotunheim instead. Is that the way adoption works on Midgard? I must embrace those who didn't want me? Who left me to die? I refuse! I embrace those who did want me. I embrace the place that taught and trained me, the place I fought for, that I would fight for again. I embrace the brother who is again my closest friend. The mother who kissed my skinned knees. Even the father I—. That is who I choose to embrace. You cannot tell me I should do otherwise, Jane. You're right, that I will not hear."
Jane was shaking her head, face drawn. "I don't know how to talk to you when you get like this. I don't know how to reach you. I say one thing and you hear another and I just…I don't know…Loki, nobody's asking you to run up a Jotun flag on the flagpole. Or…or start singing Frost Giant folk songs, or go join in family get-togethers there. I just—"
"What a relief. That last would be rather awkward, given that I killed one of them."
"That is exactly what I'm talking about. You just can't resist saying things like that. You can't ever let it go. Like you need to make sure everybody around you knows just how much you despise them. When you're incapable of talking about them without that level of hatred…what do you think that says to Ollie? Loki, this is not just about him. Our son is not at the root of this problem."
"It has nothing to do with me other than a historical fact I cannot change. I've moved on. It wasn't easy, but I did it. You're the one trying to drag me back through it all. Perhaps you're looking in the wrong place for the root of the problem. Perhaps you'd be better served looking in the mirror!"
Jane drew back from the force of his voice. When she turned away, Loki knew he'd made a mistake. He had to calm down. His face must have been contorted into something hideous just now, right along with his words.
"This is a waste of time, I can't talk to you at all when you're like this."
"What are you doing?" Loki asked, voice carefully restrained, as Jane stalked over to the small closet near the door and shoved her feet into a pair of slip-on shoes.
"What does it look like I'm doing? I'm going out."
"Out where? It's late."
"Just out. I need some fresh air."
"In this city?" Loki asked, aiming for humor and not quite managing to get there.
"Fresher than in this room," she said, grabbing a key card from the counter near the door.
"But…you're not dressed for it."
Jane looked down at herself; she wore tight black leggings and an oversized blue-and-white checkered shirt with the sleeves rolled up. "We're not on Asgard. I'm dressed fine for—"
"What's going on?"
Jane broke free of her surprise before Loki did, dropping the key card and hurrying to Ollie.
"Nothing, sweetie, is everything okay?"
"You slayed the dragons?" Ollie came around Jane, who had crouched down by him, to look up at Loki. He held onto Jane's knee with one hand while the other went up to his mouth.
"Were you dreaming about dragons?" Jane asked.
"I wasn't dreaming. They're real. They were roaring and breathing fire."
Loki came over and crouched down beside Jane. "I heard them roaring, too. Naughty dragons. But they're all gone now. I took care of the big ones, and your mother took care of the little ones. Nothing to fear."
Ollie's big brown eyes grew bigger. "But the little ones are good. They were just playing. And they don't even…they're too little to make fire," he said, blinking heavily.
"That's what I meant, of course. Your mother took care of them. She…fed them."
"Fed them, and put them to bed, and even read them a story. How about you and me do the same, okay?"
Ollie didn't protest as Jane picked him up, head dropping to her shoulder right away. It wouldn't take her more than a few minutes to get him back to sleep.
Which meant that Loki had only a few minutes to figure out a plan. One in which Jane didn't walk out that door. One in which he didn't walk out that door. One in which they both stayed, and they both figured this out, and they didn't make their child think dragons were roaring nearby.
./.
./.
"Maybe I was too hard on the guy."
Tony heard a sigh, then Pepper rolled over under the covers to face him. He'd already filled her in on the day's events while they were in the bathroom getting ready for bed – mostly while Pepper got ready for bed, since brushing his teeth and throwing on a fresh pair of boxers covered it for him.
"For screaming at a four-year-old that everybody's going to think he's a monster? No, Tony, I don't think you were too hard on him."
"Okay, but…try to imagine…you're setting off for your day, you've had your morning coffee, your egg-white omelet, you're feeling all bright-eyed and bushy-tailed, ready to go conquer the world – the business world – and you round the corner and find out your dad's really…Hitler."
Pepper just stared. Tony wasn't bothered. He'd brought up weirder things in bed.
"As in Adolf?" Pepper finally asked in that dry, sort-of-but-not-quite sarcastic tone of hers. She was so sexy when she did that.
Ugh, but Hitler. Not sexy. Tony closed his eyes for a second to refocus. "Well, yeah. There's really just the one, isn't there? If your last name was Hitler, wouldn't you be down at the nearest courthouse ASAP to get that changed to…uhhh…I don't know…Fitler?"
"Fitler."
"It's getting late and I spent all day with Loki. You can't imagine how exhausted I am, babe. Sorry, that's the best I've got."
"Did you know that a Congressman out of Indiana is calling for the breakup of Stark Industries?"
"What? No. Wait, why? What happened?"
"I'll tell you about it tomorrow. And I'll handle it." A tight, pointed smile followed.
"Ah. I'm not the only one exhausted. Sorry, Pep. Hey," he said, sitting up. "Want a massage? Full-body this time, not just feet."
"Not if you want me to stay awake for this conversation."
"I could make it the ol' Magic Fingers Special."
"Another time."
"Okay," Tony said after a few seconds. He was wide awake despite or maybe because of the exhaustion, electrified brain darting around to grab one thread after another, following some and dropping others in favor of more interesting ones. She was tired, and trying to focus while also calming her mind toward sleep. They often went to bed in different states of mind. He flopped back down onto the bed. "But remember the discount code: MFS4LOVE, that's with a number four."
"Got it," Pepper said, smiling softly and tapping a finger against her temple. "And sure, Tony, I'd be upset if I found out that…Hitler…was really my father. Do we have to talk about Hitler in bed?"
"You're right. Probably should go on the list of disapproved bedtime topics."
"I don't think you were too hard on him. If anybody scared Morgan that bad, deliberately…I would've probably been worse."
Another minute passed. Pepper's eyes were closed, but Tony could tell from her breathing that she was still awake.
"Remember that time Morgan was brushing that one doll's hair so hard she yanked the head off?"
Pepper nodded, head barely moving against the pillow, face pinching up. "We thought something terrible had happened."
"It did. It was her favorite doll. Mindy. She talked to Mindy like they were best friends. And then she decapitated her best friend."
"She's lucky her daddy's an engineer. That head had more range of motion after you fixed it."
"Well, yeah. But remember how she looked? Like the whole planet had just cracked open and vomited up all the magma and ruined everything worth caring about?"
"That's…not exactly how I would put it, but okay, yes."
"I saw that look at least twice on his face."
"Did you fix his doll?"
"If he'd had one to fix I would have. Oh, Pep, you have to meet Ollie. He has the biggest most adorable eyes. If kids are ever on the verge of extinction he should be on the 'Save the Children' posters giving the sad-eye. Wallets would fly open and spontaneously eject cash."
"Maybe we can all get together before they leave. How long are they staying?"
"He didn't say. My guess is he doesn't know. Jane's calling the shots right now. Oh, and I mean she's calling all the shots, even the ones he doesn't know about. There's no way it's a coincidence that Jane's insisting on moving them to Earth now, right before Ollie starts school. Loki's totally in the dark. I don't think I've ever seen anybody that smart be that clueless. You ever just want to…to clock somebody, when they can't see what's staring them right in the face?"
"Once or twice."
That look again. Tony grinned.
He was just about to lean in toward Pepper for some grown-up-style cuddles when she inhaled deeply and twisted onto her belly. Her I'm-going-to-sleep-now position. Right, no cuddles then.
Tony rolled onto his back and stared at the ceiling for a minute or two.
"Pep? You still awake?"
"Mm-hm."
"If we were having any problems…you'd tell me, right?"
She shifted enough to get her mouth free of the pillow. "I'd tell you."
"Permission in advance to clock me if I don't listen, okay?"
She yawned. "Didn't happen if it's not written down, signed, and notarized."
"How about videoed?"
"Tony."
"Okay, okay. Good night, babe, sweet dreams."
Before Pepper could respond, his phone rang. He grabbed it from the bedside table to check who was calling; FRIDAY screened his calls after he went to bed. To his surprise, Loki Fitler himself was calling. It was just past eleven.
"It's Loki," he said for Pepper's benefit, just before answering the phone. "Hey, everything okay? Or did you just butt-dial me?"
"I'm terribly sorry for calling so late. I hope I'm not disturbing you. I…"
"No," Tony said, jumping into the dangling silence. "I'm still up, more or less. What's going on?"
"I was…or rather Jane and I were…if it's not too much of an imposition…could Ollie perhaps spend the night at your home? Jane and I could use some time to talk, alone. Ollie's asleep. I'd return for him before he wakes up in the morning. He wouldn't be any trouble."
"Um." Nothing else seemed to be making it out of his brain to reach his mouth. The pauses in Loki's speech were long, and Tony could imagine the guy having arguments back and forth with himself during each one. It wasn't a huge favor to ask – not a tiny one, but not a huge one either – unless you happened to be Loki asking him for the favor.
"I'm sorry. This was a bad—"
"No, hang on. Just let me check with Pepper. Babe?" he said after muting the phone. "Did you hear that?"
Pepper had rolled back onto her side and was watching him, but she made a negative sound in her throat, so Tony repeated Loki's request. "Okay with you? We can put him in one of the guest rooms on Morgan's floor."
"Yeah. Okay. Tell him to come on over. Or maybe call Damir?"
"Thanks, babe. I'll ask." He unmuted the phone. "Loki?"
"Yes."
"We've got a bed all ready for Ollie. I can send my driver to get you or you can walk. It's about nine or ten blocks from you. Damir's technically off duty so it might take him…maybe half an hour to get to your hotel, but it's a little far for carrying a deadweight kid."
"It's not that far, I can carry him."
"Just swing east and head up Park, then. I'll text you the address and meet you at the door."
"Thank you, Tony. I have to confer with Jane first, but then we should be on our way."
"Okay. See you in a few."
Tony flopped back down on the pillow. From nearly blasting Loki into the next state to the guy bringing his kid over to spend the night, all in one day. Rhodey wasn't going to believe this. No one was going to believe this.
He slid out of bed and headed into the closet for a T-shirt and sweatpants, nearly running into Pepper when he emerged.
"You don't have to get up," he said as she passed him and pulled a long satin robe that matched her nightgown from its hanger. "I can take care of this. Well, FRIDAY can mostly take care of this."
"I'll help. If I was leaving Morgan at somebody else's house overnight, I'd want to meet both parents."
"Sound logic. I'm sorry, though, babe. I know you're tired."
"That's all right. When a friend's in trouble, you help."
Tony's laugh fell somewhere between a snort and a choke. His instinct was to deny that word, that idea, but Pepper was right. That ship had sailed. Once he got past the shock, he hadn't even hesitated to agree to Loki's request – which must have taken a commendable degree of courage and uncharacteristic humility – and he wouldn't have done that for just anyone.
He cupped his hands around Pepper's elbows and pulled her to him. "Love you," he said, following it up with a kiss.
"Love you, too," she said. And followed it up with a kiss.
./.
Notes
Earlier it was mentioned that Tony and Pepper have an "apartment" in Manhattan. I changed my mind. I was musing to myself all along, security would be critical to Tony. Which would offer a more secure home: a penthouse two-floor apartment in a high-rise with no neighbors to the side but neighbors below, or full occupancy of a townhouse which would have neighbors on either side but no neighbors above or below? And then once I started studying the map of Manhattan and looking at property listings on Zillow (yes, I looked at property listings on Zillow), I decided that ultimately I thought the townhouse (and controlling an entire building) made more sense. One of these days I'll get around to changing that earlier mention of an apartment to a townhouse.
I think there are two chapters left. Don't quote me, regular readers of anything I write know I can't be trusted in this, it's always possible it'll run longer than I expect, but that's what I'm thinking. And one of them is already written, so, that means, one more chapter left to write.