Chap 9

A/N: I wanted to start this chapter by going into Arizona and April's POVs. Arizona's during Derek's tirade to Meredith and April's dealing with her thoughts in the end part of chapter 3.

Arizona had been trying to sleep. Her physical therapy for her new leg was so exhausting, and she just wanted to sleep. Even if it was only a few hours. Even if it was only 30 minutes. But just as she started to doze off, she heard Derek's voice, loud and angry, muffled. Muffled? Yeah, definitely muffled.

She wasn't sure where it was coming from at first. And then it hit her: the stairwell.

"I gave you everything! Everything! And you treated me like a fucking toy!"

She wasn't even that close to it, a few doors down actually, but even muffled, she could hear his anger. She desperately wanted to go investigate. After all, it was a hospital. People were trying to rest, do life-saving surgeries. They shouldn't have to listen to Derek screaming at someone in the stairwell. But she looked down at her stump helplessly. She couldn't do anything.

"You think you're some badass surgeon, but you're not. You're worthless. Even your parents never wanted you."

Her heart broke. Not just someone. Meredith. He was screaming at Meredith like that. How could he even say that?

"Your mommy got to have a medical career until you came along and ruined her chances for more. And then your dad ran off and had a brand new starter family. You ruined both of their fucking lives, why am I not surprised you ruined mine too?"

She saw Alex making his way past the stairwell.

Stop, go see. Alex please. She pleaded silently. He wouldn't hear her from her room. He stopped, looking at the door curiously.

"You're going to end up all alone, you know that! You're nothing but a pathetic whore!"

Derek was spiraling. He was going to go over the deep end, and she knew that if Meredith was close enough, she'd go down with him. She watched as Alex bolted into the stairwell and breathed a sigh of relief.

The minutes passed slowly, and she waited anxiously. Finally, she saw Alex leading Meredith out of the stairwell; from her bed, she could see the handprint on her cheek and cold fury ran through her body. What right did Derek Shepherd have to put his hands on anyone?

Alex and Meredith were talking quietly, and then Meredith was being all-but shoved, albeit gently, into an on-call room. Alex pulled out his pager. Less than 3 minutes later, she saw Addison. Well, more specifically, she saw a blur of red and blue fly past her hospital room. Alex and Addison exchanged words, Addison's movements panicked, Alex's reassuring. Addison looked like she was going to go find Derek herself, but she ultimately decided against it. Instead she was knocking on the on-call room door and entering the room quietly.

Alex sighed softly, making his way towards her room.

"Everything alright, Alex?" She asked when he leaned against the doorframe, looking in on her.

"Did you hear any of that?"

"What he said in the stairwell, yes," She answered, "Anything else, no."

"Can you give a statement if Owen asks what happened?"

"Of course."

"Thanks." He answered.

And then he was gone, presumably to tell Owen what he'd heard. She sighed. Derek was turning into something monstrous, and his temper was downright terrifying. And even if Meredith hadn't gone about it the right way, getting away from him was probably for the best.

Callie had told her what Meredith had said, about kissing Addison after telling Derek she wanted a divorce; how she'd thrown the rings at him. How Meredith was still broken up about it. How Derek was still angry about it, even though they'd been legally divorced for all of 72 hours. Derek was a ticking time bomb, and she didn't want to be anywhere near him when he exploded.

April sat beside Jackson watching Meredith and Addison as they ate. It wasn't staring, not really. She was just trying to figure them out. She knew that Derek and Meredith had done a lot of fighting in the last few months, and the clinical trial had been the gossip of the hospital for weeks, but she never thought that they'd get divorced. They were the perfect couple; they got each other. And didn't all couples fight?

She didn't think much of it, not at first. And then the rumor mill had started up. She usually didn't listen to it, just mindless chatter that the nurses liked to stir up. And that was all it was, mindless chatter. That involved Drs. Shepherd, Grey and Montgomery. And that had made her listen. Because after Alex's spat with the two in the Attendings lounge, where he'd accused them of sleeping together, all she could think to say was that Meredith and Derek were married. Because Meredith wasn't the type to cheat, she wasn't. But then Meredith was confirming that maybe there was something between her and the new OB-GYN, and she felt conflicted. While she didn't condone the cheating, Addison was good for Meredith. Addison had stood there impassively, staring at Alex like she wanted to bite his head off, but it was Meredith who had shouted at him.

"I can understand Derek being angry at us. I can understand him getting drunk at Joe's and telling you all about how I'm an adulterous whore and how Addie has corrupted me and oh woe is Derek! You don't have a right to judge me or Addison or any other person in this damn hospital for our faults!"

And she was right. She didn't know the whole story. It wasn't her place to judge. It was God's place to judge.

The rumor mill had started up again not long after Meredith's speech to Alex, but this time, it was only about the two women, how something had happened in Mark Sloan's room, and now the two were attached at the hip. And it seemed, for the last week and a half, that was all the rumor mill wanted to discuss. How Addison and Meredith had been secret lovers for months and Derek was the real victim. Maybe that was why she'd snapped at the two nurses last week. For one, there was no way that was true. And secondly, because it didn't matter what was going on now between Meredith and Addison; this was a hospital, they were respectable doctors, people needed to do their jobs.

So, Meredith had filed for divorce and Derek had been suspended over something she still wasn't sure about; it was old news by now. But the rumor mill would run with anything. And when she watched Addison run across the surgical floor, in heels no less, just to pull Meredith into a hug and start rambling about not answering her phone, she knew that the rumor mill would be buzzing. And when Meredith had pulled Addison into that kiss, the one that made everyone who were trying not to look at the two women, herself included, stare openly, she knew the rumor mill would have an absolute field day.

And it wasn't until Bailey's voice had rung out that she snapped back to what she was doing. But not before seeing the adoration and devotion in both of the Attendings' eyes.

Everything slowly started to slow down, and the rumor mill had come to a near-screeching halt. And she was so thankful for that. People could finally just do their jobs. Until today.

She'd been down in the pit all morning, directing traffic and making sure patients were getting seen quickly and efficiently. It was a good morning, a steady morning. And then she got a page to the nurse's station on the third floor sometime around noon. And had heard the nurses talking. About Derek and Meredith. She tried to tune them out. It didn't matter what they said, she told herself. It was just talk.

"He sounded livid," One nurse was saying, and she was a horrible person for eavesdropping.

"I heard that they could hear him up on four. Called her a whole bunch of names," The other nurse, Sam, answered.

"Well, I heard that she told him she was pregnant." She rolled her eyes at that one.

"And that's why Dr. Montgomery's been in the on-call room with her since I paged her, right?" It was Alex that spoke up, coming up beside her to glare at the nurses, "You need to do your damn jobs and quit acting like Shepherd's a saint in this."

The two nurses fell silent, and he turned to her, "I didn't want to page you to Arizona's room, but you've got to help Callie talk some sense into her. Now she wants to refuse the new leg," They headed towards Arizona's room, but Alex stopped outside an on-call room, trying to listen. She looked at him curiously as he nodded to himself and kept walking.

"What uh…"

He smiled at her, "The nurses were telling the truth."

"Meredith is pregnant?" She asked in a frantic whisper.

"No, she's not pregnant," Alex rolled his eyes, "Shepherd cornered her on the stairwell. Slapped her, called her names. I should've," He stopped, "Anyway, Addison's calming her down in that on-call room."

"And you had to listen to her calming her down?" She asked, wrinkling her nose in disgust.

"It's not code," Alex replied defensively, "She's actually helping her, Kepner. It's nice that Mere has someone else to lean on, someone who gets what Derek is like." She looked back at the on-call room. Yeah, it was nice.

After talking with Arizona, reassuring her that the new leg would be fine and she'd be able to still do everything she used to, she'd headed back to the pit.

And until about 10 minutes ago, when she'd finally allowed Jackson to drag her from the pit for a late lunch, she'd forgotten about the rumor mill and the Meredith, Addison, Derek drama.

Now, now she was staring at the two Attendings intently. Meredith looked better, refreshed, and Addison was gazing at her with so much love in her eyes it took her breath away. She'd seen that look so many times. Mark and Lexie looked at each other like that. Callie and Arizona looked at each other like that. And she knew that she and Jackson shared the same look. Addison was so in love with Meredith, she probably didn't even realize she was even looking at her like that. But then Meredith looked up at her and smiled. She smiled the same smile that she'd used to send Derek's way. Oh.

"Can you stop staring at them," Jackson said, and she'd forgotten that he was even there.

"Oh!" She blinked, turning to look at him, "Sorry, I just…"

He smiled at her, wrapping his arm around her as he took a bite of his sandwich, "Yeah, I know. They're sickly sweet and in love, and that makes you want to cry."

"It does," She replied.

Because it didn't matter how they'd begun. Even though she didn't know all the details, she knew enough. She knew that Derek had been hurt enough to lash out. But, no matter how hurt he was, it didn't excuse his behavior. She knew that Meredith would never want to hurt him, not intentionally; and even though she'd only known Addison for a short time, she knew that she didn't want to hurt him either. Addison and Meredith were in love, and there was no force on Earth that would separate them.

Derek watched Addison walk away, a spring in her step, and turned back to watch Meredith head the other direction with Teddy and Cristina. This was really just one big game, wasn't it? The universe was wanting to spite him just for the hell of it, that had to be it. All he needed to do was talk to Meredith. That was all. If he told her everything, laid everything out on the table, he knew she'd understand.

Owen's words still rung in his ears from the disciplinary talk he'd had with the man earlier.

"You don't ever learn, do you?"

He sat facing the man, trying to keep his anger in check, "Look if this is about something Meredith said…"

"No, this is about something you've said," Owen had interrupted. "Loudly, I might add. Over two dozen people heard you screaming at Dr. Grey in that stairwell." He was fairly sure the man was exaggerating.

"It was nothing."

"Did you not learn your lesson the last time?"

"Oh, the last time? You mean when I found out Meredith was cheating on me?"

"For God's sake, Derek, let it go!" Owen had yelled, "If you had assaulted anyone else in this hospital, you would already be out of a job! But for some reason, Meredith would be crushed if that happened, so this is your last warning. If you ever touch her again without her permission or scream or yell or anything other than being completely professional with her, I'll have you out on your ass before you can say craniotomy."

He wasn't worried about his job. He could work anywhere in the country. And as soon as his mother got here, he could get his surgery done and get his hand back. First his hand, and then he would get Meredith back.

In the weeks that followed, things around the hospital slowly returned to normal. It took a bit longer, but Arizona was finally able to return to work. She missed wearing her Heelys, missed wearing heels, but she didn't trust her new leg. She took her time learning to get the feel of walking again and allowed Callie to massage her stump after long days. She was getting better at not resenting her wife, especially after Alex told her that while Callie had made the call on her leg, he'd been the one to make the cut that had saved her life. She had been cleared for surgery but saw Dr. Fincher weekly. She had considered Dr. Wyatt, but the woman had her hands full with Meredith, Cristina and Derek. Though, it was nice that she went to Dr. Fincher because Mark was also seeing her for his therapy; and sometimes, she and Mark had a group therapy session, and Callie brought Sofia, and they watched their little girl play while they talked.

Mark had been cleared for surgery just a few days after she was, something that he still hadn't let her forget. He and Lexie had moved out of Meredith and Addison's house a few days ago, and she wasn't sure who was happier, Mark or Addison.

The two weeks since the stairwell incident had passed like a blur. Derek had actually stayed away from Meredith aside from a general consult every now and then. Generally it was Amelia or Lexie who got her for a consult. Derek and Meredith began to trade Zola off every weekend, and with Caroline Shepherd coming to Seattle for the surgery to repair Derek's hand, everyone was on edge, especially Meredith.

Caroline Shepherd took in the atmosphere of Seattle Grace Mercy West's cafeteria. It seemed that even in the working world, people had their clicks. She spotted Derek and Amelia at a table, talking amongst themselves and was reminded of parent days at school, where she got to join them for lunch.

"You both are hard to track down," She said as she sat down at the table with them.

"Mom!"

"You were supposed to call when you got here," Derek chided softly, "Are you hungry? I can buy you something."

"No, no," She waved them off, "I'm fine."

They chatted for a while, Amelia going over a surgery she had planned for later, and while she understood nearly none of it, she loved seeing the passion in her children's eyes. Derek, however, wasn't focused on the conversation, instead staring off in the distance. She followed his gaze and found out why.

Meredith was sitting at the table not far from them, laughing at something Mark was saying. As she watched, Addison had come up behind her, wrapping her arms around the blonde and kissing her lips as Meredith leaned back to look up at her. The redhead sat beside the two, stealing a few fries off of Meredith's plate.

Amelia's pager went off and she saw Mark check his as well. He was rising from the table as Amelia apologized.

"It's alright, Amelia," She pressed a kiss to her daughter's cheek, "Go save lives."

She watched as Amelia caught up with Mark and then they were disappearing around the corner. She heard Derek make a disgruntled noise and saw that he'd focused back on Meredith and Addison, if he'd ever actually stopped. She wasn't sure he knew Amelia had left. This was like it was during his visit to see her. She'd wanted him to talk to her, but all he did was talk at her, explaining about Meredith and getting suspended and how it had all been Addison's fault.

"Are you going to take time off of work to heal your hand, Derek?"

"Yeah, sure," he answered her absentmindedly.

"Derek Christopher Shepherd, you look at your mother when you answer her."

His eyes snapped to her in an instant, and she saw the same little boy who'd got caught with his hand in the cookie jar when he was 5, "Yes, Mom. I'll take some time off to make sure my hand heals properly."

And then he went back to watching Meredith and Addison. She sighed softly. Honestly, her boy was so stubborn sometimes. And stupid, she thought ideally. How could he be so blind to the love the two women had for each other? She understood the hurt Derek was feeling, and she supported him, but he had to move on from ever getting Meredith back. She hadn't liked Addison very much, but that may have been due to her mother. When the two matriarchs had met, Bizzy Forbes Montgomery had the nerve to tell her that Derek didn't deserve her Addison. She'd bristled at the comment and had disliked Addison on principle. She'd liked Meredith when she'd first met her, but she couldn't help but wonder how she would've felt had she met the famed Ellis Grey first.

She watched as Addison and Meredith made their way towards the exit, their hands clasped together tightly, and she stood. Derek blinked up at her.

"What are you doing?"

She smiled at him, "I'll be right back."

And she followed the two women out of the cafeteria. When she was sure that Derek could no longer see them, she called out to them.

"Addison, Meredith, hold on a minute."

And it was quite comical to see two Attendings freeze in their places and then turn to face her, their eyes wide. She was sure she'd seen Amelia with the same expression before.

"Caroline!" Addison's voice was higher than normal, giving away her unease, "What a lovely surprise."

"I just wanted to tell you that I was sorry to hear about your mother's passing, Addison. She was a lovely woman." She wasn't, but Addison didn't need to know she'd hated her mother.

Addison smiled tightly, "Thank you. She was fond of you as well." Ah, so they were lying to each other, it seemed.

She turned her attention on Meredith, who looked like she wanted to be anywhere but there, "Thank you for making sure Derek got my ring back, Meredith. My husband, God bless him, was a lovely man, and I cherish the ring greatly."

Meredith gulped, "No, uh, no problem, Mrs. Shepherd. I heard Callie is going to be doing your surgery for Derek's hand."

"Yes, the day after tomorrow," She looked between the two of them, noticing that at some point they'd stopped holding hands, "Are you two happy together?"

The two looked nervous, like answering her would offend her somehow.

"Yes," Addison answered.

Meredith nodded, "Of course we are."

She reached forward and grabbed their hands gently, "Then show it. I'm not angry that the two of you are together. You make a beautiful couple." She nodded to herself as they clasped hands again, "I'd better get back to my son before he sends a search party. I expect to see you both in my recovery room at some point, understood?"

"Absolutely," the two echoed, and she smiled.

"Good. Go on, save lives."

She watched them walk off together. They reminded her of herself and her husband. So in love and so afraid to show it for the fear of it getting ripped from them.

It was a week after the surgery that Derek was able to come back. He still wasn't that sure of himself and his ability to hold a scalpel again, which is why he didn't care when Owen told him that Amelia and Lexie were staying on as Co-Heads of Neuro for the time being. In fact, it didn't bother him as much as he thought it would. That meant he didn't have to sit in on board meetings and could focus more on his surgeries. That meant he had a greater chance of running into Meredith too. It took him a few days of practice in the skills lab before he was sure he could do his first surgery.

He was almost relieved when the board conveyed for a meeting during his first surgery. It meant that there wasn't that added pressure of his peers watching him; normally, he didn't care. Normally, he welcomed the attention. But for this first surgery, he didn't want a lot of people in the gallery. He wanted to just focus on the surgery, on the patient in laying in front of him.

"Okay people," He began as he stepped up behind the patient, flashing a smile behind his mask, "It's a beautiful day to save lives."

Meredith watched as Derek lowered his mask, the monitors flatlined. The surgery had actually gone well, his hand had healed perfectly; the only reason she had watched from the gallery was because Callie was in the board meeting with the other department heads, and she'd been asked. And so, she'd watched. She saw every movement, heard everything. And it went flawlessly, Derek's technique was perfect. But he'd still lost the patient. It was inevitable. The bleeder was too quick.

She watched as Derek made his way from the OR room and quickly left the gallery. She knew he would be blaming himself, maybe even his hand, and she didn't want that to happen. He needed to be reassured. She wished she had Cristina or even Alex with her, just to make the conversation less awkward, but they were both in surgery. She sighed to herself. She would extend the olive branch; just because they weren't married anymore, didn't mean she stopped caring about him. And, yes, she'd been keeping things professional between them, and they were civil for Zola, but she wasn't going to cut him out of her life. She couldn't. Even if they were no longer together.

And so she waited until he'd scrubbed out, until he'd notified the family. She waited by the elevator for him, but he'd simply walked past her, like he didn't even see her. And it was an upgrade from his angry glares, she had to admit. And maybe it should've been a clue that she should leave him alone. But, she was stubborn.

"Dr. Shepherd," She called out as she followed him down the hall. He ignored her, just kept walking. "Dr. Shepherd." Again, nothing. And she was starting to get annoyed. She was just trying to be nice, damn it. She rounded the corner after him, "Derek, for fuck's sake, can you just stop!"

She wasn't expecting him to round on her, his eyes blazing in anger. She froze, not expecting the cold look in his eyes. She hadn't seen it in over three weeks, not since he'd cornered her in the stairwell.

"What do you want?" He hissed out.

"I, I uh…" Her mind went blank. The hatred in his eyes terrified her. She wanted to run, wanted to turn and flee. Why did she think this was a good idea? "I just wanted to say sorry about your patient." And that was it. That was all. She'd said what she wanted. She started to walk away, when she heard him speak.

"That's what you wanted to tell me?" His voice was low, and she felt the shiver go down her spine.

"Derek," She began, turning to face him again, "Let's not do this again."

She tried not to think of the quiet corridor, how no one knew where she was. And Derek looked like he was going to a meltdown or something.

"Again?" he questioned.

"The yelling, Derek, Jesus. I can't do this right now." And then she turned to walk away. She definitely wasn't doing this right now. He grabbed her arm, and she jerked away, "Derek, I swear to God…" But whenever else she was going to say was forgotten as the next thing she saw was Derek's fist coming straight at her.

A/N: Yay a cliffhanger. Don't forget to review!