Chapter 10

"Beth, are you still coming out after work?"

"Hmm?" Beth asks, looking over at Rachel in surprise.

Rachel stares back at her as if they have already discussed this a thousand times. "For Sofia's birthday drinks?"

"Oh, right, um, yeah; maybe."

They had actually discussed it, a number of times, and Beth had arranged for Annie and Sadie to stay over at her house because it's a school night, so she doesn't even have that excuse.

But now Thursday has rolled around, she's not really in the mood. It's been a long week and all she really wants to do is go home and maybe take advantage of the time with her sister to tell her… What exactly? That you've been having delicious, bone-melting sex with Rio for the last three weeks?

Shaking the thought free, she smiles at Rachel and says brightly, "Count me in."

/\/\/\/\/\/\

A couple of hours later she finds herself walking with her colleagues the short distance from the office to a local bar. It's not the nicest place around but it's a favourite amongst the after-work-drinks crowd and it's surprisingly busy for a Thursday night, the atmosphere buzzing.

Feeling suddenly glad that she has decided join them for at least one drink, Beth weaves through the crowd to the area that has been reserved for their group. Hugging Sofia and handing over the hand-decorated picture frame that she had made as a birthday gift, she glances around the crowded space absentmindedly and is surprised to see Gabe entering the bar. No one had been sure if he would be joining them as he's not in the habit of socialising with the team.

He begins to work his way through the crowd in the wrong direction and Beth is about to raise her hand and wave him over, when she freezes in place, catching sight of who he's actually meeting with.

Rio is leaning casually against the bar on the opposite side of the room.

And he's not alone.

Beside him, in a mirror image of his own stance, is a beautiful, slim woman with long dark hair and a strikingly pretty face. Exuding youthful exuberance, she has to be at least 10 years younger than Beth.

The pair are deep in conversation as Gabe approaches them, unseen, and there's an easy familiarity between the two that's evident even at this distance. As Beth watches, the woman leans in to whisper something in his ear and Rio's answering smile is quick and genuine.

Heart lurching painfully in her chest, Beth turns quickly away, feeling oddly breathless as she fights the impulse to beat a hasty retreat to her car.

Sofia is chatting away beside her and Beth smiles and nods, at what she hopes are the right times, trying desperately to calm the storm of emotion that's building in her chest.

"Do you want a drink?" asks Sofia, "I think Steve is off buying a round of shots but I'd love a glass of wine."

Laughing, Beth nods her agreement and says, "Me too, but I can only have one because I'm driving. Why don't we head for that end of the bar," she suggests, pointing out the opposite end to where Rio is standing, "It looks a bit quieter."

Working her way through the crowd, she keeps her eyes focused straight ahead and does her best not to look at the faces around her.

When a chilled glass of white wine is handed to her, a couple of minutes later, it's all she can do not to knock it back in a few short gulps.

Sofia has recently been having a difficult time with one of their big clients and, as she launches into the latest anecdote on how badly they have been treating her, she is in no rush to leave the bar and re-join the wider group.

Feeling more anxious with every passing moment, Beth tries to manoeuvre herself so that anyone glancing across from the other side of the bar will not be able to see her amongst the sea of bodies.

Nodding along to Sofia's exasperated tirade, she's taking another measured sip of wine when she becomes suddenly utterly aware of being watched.

Almost involuntarily, her eyes flick across the room and are immediately locked on the intensity of his.

If he's surprised to see her there he doesn't show it, and he merely inclines his head towards her with a small smile before he turns back to his companions.

Aware that there could be a million reasons that Rio is at the bar with a woman, other than the obvious, Beth tells herself to take it easy. She's not even entirely sure why she cares, or that she has any right to.

But one thing that she does know for sure is that watching Rio leave with another woman is not something she can do.

Taking a deep breath, she guides Sofia back towards their group. Setting her half-finished wine aside, she gives her excuses and says hasty goodbyes before heading for the door, eyes fixed straight ahead.

Stepping out into the dark, cold evening, she breathes in deep gulps of frigid air, pulling her coat more tightly around herself as she makes her way back to the car. In her head she hears Rio telling her "I've never really been big on fidelity," and everything inside her cringes back from the thought that while they've been sharing incredibly intimate sex – at least on a physical if not emotional level – he might be sharing the same experiences with at least one other person, maybe more. Hell, possibly even within the same day.

Closing her eyes briefly, Beth tries and fails to dismiss the barrage of images flashing through her mind, each one more detailed and, shockingly, more painful than the next.

Then there's another memory rising to the surface – Rio asking her bluntly, "Do I strike you as the kind of man that likes to share?"

And she'swalking faster now, almost running, in a futile attempt to escape the realisation that's pressing in on her; that this nameless thing they have between them? She doesn't want to share it.

More than that, she doesn't want to share him.

Groaning inwardly as she shuts herself in the welcome refuge of her car, she whispers out loud, "Jesus, Beth! What are you doing?"

Driving home on autopilot she can't help replaying the scene of Rio and that beautiful woman, heads bent close, laughing together, so at ease in each other's company… and each time the ball of tension in her gut winds tighter until she's so brittle she could break apart.

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

As it turns out, Beth doesn't have a long wait to find out the identity of the woman from the bar, or the status of her relationship with Rio. It is almost comically easy in the end.

She is over at Annie's apartment the following evening for drinks with the girls and has barely taken off her coat when Annie squeals, "You will never guess who I met yesterday!"

Rolling her eyes dismissively at Beth, Ruby asks, deadpan, "Oh yeah? Who?"

"Rio's wife!" says Annie triumphantly, eagerly awaiting their reaction to her shock news.

Beth can feel the blood draining from her face as the word wife ricochets around her mind. What?

"What?!" Ruby unknowingly echoes, "His wife? Where the hell has she been holed up all this time?"

"And that's not all," continues Annie, "They have a son that goes to Sadie's school!"

There's a strange buzzing in Beth's ears as she processes this information. From a distance she can hear Annie explaining how she'd had a meeting with the school principle, to talk about how Sadie's transfer has been going, and how she had bumped into the family of three on her way out of the office.

"I got the impression they were there to discuss some of the kid's mischief," she's saying now, "I guess that bad apple didn't fall far from the tree!"

"Beth? You okay?" asks Ruby, "You look kinda nauseous."

Nodding numbly, Beth chokes out a faint "Um hum," as Annie continues.

"But you guys, that's not even the best part," pausing for dramatic effect Annie is practically vibrating with excitement as she goes on, "Our boy's name is Christopher! I guess it is a bit too bland for a crime boss; 'Rio' does have a bit more of a kingpin ring to it…"

The rest of Annie's prattle fades into obscurity as Beth turns away and draws a much needed lungful of air into her suddenly aching chest.

Wife?

Son?

Christopher?

Who the fuck is this guy?!

Ignoring the open bottle on the counter, Beth busies herself with the wine she brought over – going to the fridge with one of the bottles, grabbing a glass from the drying rack and then setting about uncorking the remaining bottle – anything to hide her face from view as she tries desperately to breathe past the tightening knot of tension in her chest and the unidentified lump in her throat.

But for some reason her fingers won't cooperate – she can't get the cork out – and then there's a loud bang as she's slamming the bottle down onto the counter and bowing her head in defeat.

Ruby is suddenly beside her, taking the bottle from her and placing it carefully aside.

She waits for Beth to meet her eyes before folding her into a hug crooning, "Oh, honey."

"What? What's going on?" asks Annie, non-plussed. "It's not like…" she trails off and then, "No fucking way! When did this happen?"

Silencing Annie with a warning look, Ruby strokes her hand down Beth's back and starts, "Sweetie, –"

But Beth doesn't let her continue. Shaking her head as she straightens out of Ruby's embrace, she is relieved to find that her eyes are dry and her voice is firm as she says, "It was nothing, just a casual hook-up to take my mind off the implosion of my marriage."

Twin expressions of worry peer back at her as Ruby and Annie nod their heads in apparent acceptance of this. But they know her too well not to see the lie for what it is.

Unable to hold their gaze any longer, Beth turns away and pours herself a generous glass of wine, with a calm she is far from feeling.

Aware of the expectant silence at her back, she takes a measured sip of the chilled liquid and forces all thoughts bar the one acceptable grievance aside and asks, "How is this happening? How have I gone from 'wronged woman' to 'the other woman' without even knowing it?"

And then more quietly, "How could he put me in this position?"

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

It's a question Beth is still asking herself hours later as she lies awake in bed and tries for the hundredth time to clear her mind and get some sleep. But it's just not happening. Flinging the covers aside with more force than necessary, she darts around the house getting her swimming gear together and hastily locks up to head for her car.

Having used the back door, she is surprised to see one of Rio's – Christopher's – guys approaching her from across the garden.

As they near her in the darkness, she realises it's Max and tries to muster up some enthusiasm as she calls softly, "Hey Max, good to see you again. Quiet night?"

He nods before asking, "You're going back out?"

"Yeah, I'm just heading for a swim."

When he raises his eyebrow sceptically, she explains briefly, "Can't sleep."

His smile is sympathetic as he replies, "I get that. Just be careful, yeah? You're a much easier target at 3am and out there you've got no protection."

Sighing but knowing he means well, Beth thanks him and pats the bulge of the Glock in her bag as she counters, "Thanks to you I do actually have some protection. Don't worry about me, I can handle myself."

She's turning to leave when a thought strikes her and she calls back quietly to Max, "And Max? This doesn't need to go on any incident report, right? I'm sure Rio can do without the mundane details of my exercise regime."

Saluting her in what she hopes is agreement, Max heads back towards the treeline at the bottom of the garden. The last thing she needs is Rio thinking the news of his situation, his wife, has upset her to the point that she cannot sleep. He has to know the news would travel straight from Annie to her and, at any rate, Beth is going to have to bring it up with him directly when she tells him that they can't continue with their little… arrangement.

Trying to ignore the sharp pang in her chest, she continues on towards her car. It was nothing, she reminds herself; a mantra she repeats over and over on the short drive to the gym and onwards through the first few invigorating lengths of the pool, where anger and confusion push her harder than discipline ever could.

But as her shoulders begin to ache from exertion and she is forced to slow down to a lazy crawl, she finally admits to herself that maybe somewhere along the way it had started to become… something.

As she begins to think back over the previous three weeks, she notes the pattern that had emerged, one that she had subconsciously ignored up until now. Their time together always began and ended at Rio's convenience; he would arrange to see her at short notice, call over to her house and then leave shortly after they had come down from whatever incredible sexual high was on the agenda for that day. If they talked it was to discuss business or Beth's life, never his. Every part of it was on Rio's terms and she had told herself that it made sense – after all he has a much busier schedule, meeting at her house enables them to keep up appearances for the Feds, and he's always been very guarded when it comes to sharing information of any kind.

Rio – the man – has remained a completely closed book to her, as perfectly evidenced by the fact that until today she hadn't even known his real name. Or the crucial fact that he is married.

The burning anger that was momentarily smothered by endorphins begins to surge again and Beth deliberately picks up the pace again. She knows knows that the wealth of emotion that she feels in the wake of these revelations is disproportionate to the magnitude of her relationship with Rio. He hadn't promised her anything, quite the opposite in fact – he had made it very clear that this would only be a no-strings-attached deal.

Her only mistake was thinking that was all she wanted too.

But each time he walks out on the aftermath of their shared passion, it's that much harder to pretend that something fragile and impossibly hopeful hasn't just been crushed underfoot; that something inside her isn't starting to break.

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

It's almost ten the next morning and Beth has only recently dragged herself out of bed, where she'd slept like the dead after her early morning swim.

Standing at the counter in the kitchen, waiting for the coffee to brew, she wishes that her children were here this weekend, filling the house with their usual frantic energy and easy warmth.

Suddenly, she's started by a light tap on the back door, her heart lurching heavily against her ribcage at the thought that it might be Rio, and then calming again as Ruby bustles into the room saying brightly, "Stan thinks I'm just out getting bagels, so we'll have to make this quick."

Happy to see her, if a little confused, Beth is smiling as she asks, "Did I miss something?"

"Did you miss something?" Ruby repeats loudly, pretending to seriously mull this over before continuing dramatically, "Oh, I know! Only every one of the many opportunities you've had to tell your best friend that you've been having lots of hot sex with your gang friend."

Laughing, despite the unease twisting through he, Beth busies herself pouring coffee into two mugs as she says, "I know, I know – I'm sorry. I just… didn't really know what to say."

"'I'm having hot sex' would have done it," says Ruby dryly, "I know it's been a couple of decades since either of us had anything to brag about on that front, but I'm pretty sure that line is still universally understood."

"Oh stop, I know you and Stan still have a good thing going," smiles Beth, "Speaking of, –"

"No," Ruby cuts her off, "No 'speaking of'. For real, baby girl; you and Rio, what the hell?"

Dropping her eyes to her steaming mug of coffee, Beth murmurs, "Yeah, well, not anymore."

Watching her closely, Ruby asks gently, "And that's a problem?"

Shaking her head, Beth shrugs in exasperation, "Who was I trying to kid?! I've never had sex with anyone other than Dean! I don't know how to do 'casual'."

"And certainly not with him," she adds, as an afterthought. "He expects me to swear off all other guys, while he's out there doing god knows what with god knows whom…"

"Well, probably his wife for one," mutters Ruby, before saying seriously, "But, Beth, all jokes aside, how are you holding up?"

Aiming for unaffected, Beth waves her hand dismissively, "I just got a reality check, that's all. It was fun and now it's over; no harm, no foul."

"Uh huh," nods Ruby disbelievingly, "Let me see; your marriage is over, you've been having hot, steamy sex with a criminal – the first guy you've ever slept with besides your husband – and you've just found out that he's married. With a son, and a pseudonym."

She pauses deliberately, letting it all hang there for a moment, before exclaiming, "'Cause I'd be just peachy!"

Smiling crookedly, Beth replies, "Look, it was a shock to find out about his wife, but, that aside, it was never going to be anything more than a casual hook-up. We both went into this with our eyes wide open."

"But..." prompts Ruby.

"But…" Beth continues, reluctantly, "I've just ended my marriage because my husband lied and cheated, and I have no intention of ever ending up in that position again."

Watching her closely, Ruby nods and suggests with apparent innocence, "Which wouldn't be an issue in this particular, casual situation, if there weren't feelings involved, right?"

"Right," agrees Beth. She nearly chokes on her mouthful of coffee a moment later as she sees the triumphant gleam in Ruby's eye and realises her mistake, hastily rushing to clarify, "I mean – I didn't mean – hypothetically speaking, it could be an issue…"

"Um hum," nods Ruby knowingly, and Beth is fully aware it's not because of her brilliant acting skills that Ruby doesn't push her any further.

Quiet for a moment, Ruby finally says, "Well, while we're speaking hypothetically, any woman catching feelings for that man's shady-ass is in for a world of pain. Wife or no wife."

She pauses before adding sincerely, "You dodged a bullet, sweetie."

Sighing quietly, Beth nods. But the dull ache inside her suggests that she hadn't quite dodged quickly enough.

When Ruby jumps up a few minutes later to make a hasty exit, Beth's relief is immense. Much as she appreciated the company, it turns out that she really just wants to be alone as she contemplates the conversation that she has to have with Rio.

Pulling her phone from her pocket of her bathrobe, she foregoes the usual, 'Your place or mine?' for a simple, 'When can we meet?

And that dull ache inside her grows vivid and sharp when his short reply comes back a couple of hours later, 'Not today.'

/\/\/\/\/\/\

Early the next morning Beth is trying desperately to cling to the blank comfort of sleep, but something keeps teasing at the edge of her senses, nudging her awake.

Eyes drifting slowly open, she registers the hazy outline of a fully-clothed Rio, sprawled on the comforter beside her, head comfortably propped in his hand.

"Rise and shine, sleepyhead," he murmurs, and she merely blinks at him, caught off guard both by his presence and the playful undertone in his voice.

Dipping his head towards her, he presses warm kisses along the exposed column of her throat and says thickly, "I've been thinking about this all night, sweetheart, and believe me; it was a long night."

She's finally jolted fully awake when his fingers start to move towards the buttons of her cream pyjama top. Then she's moving – drawing away, out of reach, until she's positioned against the furthest corner, with the headboard at her back and the covers clutched firmly across her chest.

Watching her in surprise, the barest moment of confusion clouds Rio's gaze before the customary, impassive mask slips back into place.

"This a bad time?" he asks carefully, rising from the bed and moving to stand at the foot, hands thrust deep in the pockets of his black bomber jacket as he waits for her response.

Heart beginning to pound uncomfortably hard, Beth tries to keep her voice even as she takes the plunge and tells him simply, "We can't do this anymore."

He observes her in silence for a beat, before asking, "Is that right?"

He sounds disinterested, bored even, as if she has just told him the weather forecast, and she's sucking in a breath, steeling herself against the hurt blooming inside her.

Needing for this to be over already, she fills the taut silence with some measure of truth, trying desperately to keep her tone free of inflection.

"You're married, Rio."

The tension in him, invisible until relieved, relaxes suddenly as he huffs out a laugh and says dismissively, "Oh, that."

Beth is momentarily lost for words until the anger that she had planned to keep firmly in check begins to break through. "Yes, that!" she snaps tightly.

Shaking his head, he tells her, "You don't got to worry about that."

Incredulous, she stares blankly at him until he elaborates, "We've been separated for years. It's a marriage in name only, you know; keeps things convenient if something were to happen to me."

The relief flooding through her at his words is immense. And yet it only serves to harden her resolve to end this thing; end it now before she does something stupid. Like fall for him.

"It doesn't matter anyway, Rio…"

She trails off to laugh hollowly, "Christopher, right? I don't even know what I'm supposed to call you."

If he's surprised to hear that name on her lips he doesn't show it. But there's a stillness to him now, a watchfulness, that suggests the hurt undertone in her words has not gone unnoticed.

Worried that she has already revealed too much, Beth plunges on, "I know we talked about this before; we work together, and everyone knows it's not a good idea to mix business and pleasure. We have to stop this."

Considering her with that intense, dark stare, Rio merely shrugs and says, "If that's what you want, darlin'."

Hearing the scepticism in his voice, she knows that she can leave no room for doubt. Or for a way back for her.

So she lies.

"Look, this thing we've had? It's been a lot of fun, but I think it's run its course."

If Rio was impassive before, he's completely expressionless now, and Beth wants to snatch the words back as quickly as she's said them.

But she knows that this ache inside, the hurt that that has been dogging her for the past few days, merely scratches the surface of what is in store for her if they continue with this.

Heart in her throat, it takes all of her strength to hold the blank intensity of his stare as he draws out the silence until she's so tense it's a physical pain across her shoulder blades.

Then he's nodding decisively, rocking on the balls of his feet, as he shrugs and says evenly, "You know what? You're right."

Moving calmly towards the door, he calls over his shoulder, "I guess I'll see you around."

And then he's gone, and Beth releases a breath that she wasn't aware of holding and closes her eyes as the world around her dissolves in a haze of tears.