Delphine
May 24th 2018
Delphine finishes up yet another day in the lab, she'd managed to assist Dr. Yamashita most of the day. Her own planning stage was put aside for now. She'd have time to plan again, later. But for now she would keep earning her place here.
"So everything looks good. But I want you to run more comparisons on the hormone levels. You can look at microbiome health alongside. See if there's a connection." Dr. Yamashita smiles. "And then we'll get into the videos of watching them interact, look at the behaviour."
"Sounds good. I will see you tomorrow." Delphine waves goodbye to her mentor, returning to the shared space between the labs. She thinks first of shutting herself in her office, but thinks better of it. She tries not to be obvious as she peeks around corners searching for Cosima. Instead she catches sight of Madison, comparing two versions of a document on a shared computer terminal. Ordinarily, Delphine would have at least feigned interest or asked questions, but she doesn't feel like she has time.
"Where… where is Cosima?" Delphine asks Madison finally. Cosima's absence in the lab was beginning to disturb her as awkward as it could be to be around her. And she doesn't want to admit it, but she is beginning to worry. For Cosima to miss four days of work in the lab is unheard out. And it's still a little early for anyone to be taking a vacation.
"Oh… umm her uncle died." Madison looks up from her laptop in surprise. "Like, she's gone for the funeral. She took time off and everything. She didn't tell you?"
"Gone? Gone where?" Delphine doesn't understand her own nerves. They don't make sense. At all. Why should she be so bothered that Cosima has just vanished on her? It wasn't as if they were lovers. Delphine isn't even sure if they are actually friends at the moment, but maybe they would be in time.
"I don't remember… Daniel, do you remember where Cosima said she was going?"
Daniel exits one of their experimental rooms. "Uhh Boston I think. Cosima said her uncle was on the east coast. Massachusetts...somewhere? She went last weekend, said she had to go help her dad."
"Cosima is in Boston." Delphine repeats trying to digest the new information. "I… I guess I'll see her when she gets back."
"Why don't you just text her if you want to talk?" Madison shakes her head impatiently. "It's not that complicated."
Delphine pauses. She could. She has Cosima's number, and vice versa now. But what could she say? That she missed her? That she'd been wondering where she was? That she wants another pair of eyes on some of her research?
Making a decision, Delphine marches from the shared lab space all the way to the closed lab. She finds Scott hovering over a tray full of test tubes filled with… something. What is he even doing?
"Scott."
"Uhh hi Delphine." Scott answers with a quick wave. "What… what's up?"
"I want Cosima's address." Delphine blurts out without trying any sort of subterfuge. "Is she home? From the funeral?"
"She's… supposed to be back today." Scott looks up nervously. "Why do you want her address?"
"I just… I want to see her." Delphine gets out. Why should it matter why she wants to see Cosima? It certainly wasn't any of Scott's concern.
"Umm OK. I'll get it for you. It's uh...saved in my phone. Hang on."
Delphine waits until Scott has finished whatever he is doing and then quickly records Cosima's address. Closer to campus than she'd expected for a graduate student, but it looked easily walkable.
"So… what is going on?"
"I told you. I just… I want to see her." Delphine reaffirms. That is it, after all. She wants to see Cosima again. Kissing her had definitely brought up old feelings, but she was fine. It didn't make sense how vulnerable she felt about Cosima disappearing on her again. She was nearly 30. And it had just been a kiss.
Still, she finds herself sitting on the steps of an old Victorian house turned into apartments. Four, by the number of mailboxes attached. She rings Cosima's doorbell and waits. What on earth was she doing?
"Delphine?" Cosima calls from the curb, pulling a small purple suitcase behind her. "What… what are you doing here?" Cosima stares at her a moment, seemingly stunned by her presence.
"Can we talk?" Delphine stands, she's unsure what to do with her hands. But Cosima merely smiles at her, giving her hand a squeeze. Delphine feels her nerves rise again. What is she doing going to Cosima's apartment? This… this may not be the best decision she could make.
"OK. Like, let me get upstairs and… I'll make us tea and we can talk." Cosima agrees. "Umm how do you know where I live?"
"Scott." Delphine supplies quickly.
"OK. I definitely need to talk to Scott about that. Because giving my address out is not really cool. I mean. I'm happy to see you, but I don't want everybody to be able to find me either."
She climbs up the stairs behind Cosima, who is a little sweaty and probably recently got off a plane.
"I am sorry about your uncle." Delphine says as soon as she's inside Cosima's apartment. It's a bachelor. One great room separated by an open doorway. A small kitchenette to one side of a large dark desk. Large wooden bookshelves filled with various books. What appears to be a bathroom off the bedroom at the back. It is lovely. Delphine thinks. Absolutely lovely, small and emanating warmth. It suits Cosima. Terribly so.
"Thanks. We weren't close but losing him is really hard on my dad." Cosima explains, going to fill her kettle at her sink. "Like, they're only two years apart in age. And it was only the two of them left… my Oma and Opa died back to back like.. Almost fifteen years ago. I was a kid."
"I am happy you could be there for him." Delphine racks her brain for appropriate things to say in these situations. "I.. I missed you. I wasn't expecting you to just be gone."
"You missed me?" Cosima flips around, a wild grin on her face.
"Yes." Delphine admits. "I missed you, Cosima." It was true after all, but maybe inappropriate. What even were they to each other right now? Friends? Colleagues? Or were they just former lovers?
"I wasn't even gone a week. I flew out Saturday night." Cosima teases her a little. "I guess I am just that good."
Delphine sighs, she glances up at the old ceiling, looking for anything to look at besides Cosima. Either she was stuck looking into her eyes or letting her gaze drift around Cosima, and neither led anywhere good.
"Oh come on… like… so does this mean you want another date?" Cosima stops, quickly fetching two mugs.
"I… Maybe." Delphine chokes out finally. Her old attraction to Cosima is back. Trying to deny it won't get her anywhere. But actually dating Cosima is impossible, at least until after she admits she's single. Even then, what would happen? Would she have to reverse a decade worth of statements that she was heterosexual? Would anyone ever believe anything she said about her sexuality ever again?
"Good." Cosima smiles. "Do you want green tea? Black tea? I have something herbal and minty?"
"Green is fine." Delphine tells her. It doesn't really matter. She's not here for the tea.
"It's jasmine green… that's OK?" Cosima is soft, and it almost irritates her. Why would Cosima be so soft with her now?
"Yes." Delphine nods, noticing that Cosima's moving closer. Her nerves rise up again, with an undercurrent Delphine wants to deny. Maybe she's imagining it. Maybe she's created a version of Cosima in her mind who is infinitely sexual and the real Cosima is in fact a perfectly sane person not intent on seducing her the minute she sets foot in her apartment.
"OK… So what do you want to talk about?" Cosima eases herself down against the desk, letting their tea steep itself on the counter.
"I want to talk about us." Delphine might as well be upfront. She's afraid if she stops talking, they'll start touching. And that is likely to overwhelm her composure altogether. She can picture it, Cosima pinning her down against the desk. She must create some sort of space between them, otherwise the risk of Cosima having her way with her before she regains her better judgement seems high.
"What about us? Like… us now? Or us… in 2007?" Cosima is curious, probing but not aggressive.
"I want to talk about all of it. We… we never did talk about it, Cosima. After I left, you… you acted like we were just friends. You'd text...or we'd Skype and you'd-"
"I did not." Cosima interrupts her, crossing her arms, tea momentarily forgotten. "I told you I loved you."
"You… you just faded away on me." Delphine accuses, picking up her tea so that she has something to occupy her hands. Some sort of physical barrier between the two of them.
"Well what was i supposed to do? What did you want Delphine?"
Delphine bites her lip. "I-". She stops herself, making herself look Cosima straight in the eyes. "I...I need to talk about it."
August 2007
"It's the last weekend." Cosima tells her, as the last of their campers are picked up by their parents who were no doubt grateful for the break.
"It is." Delphine agrees. There would be no more time soon enough and next Friday her aunt would come and get her and she'd spend the next few weeks nannying before being taken home.
"Let's pack up to go." Cosima leans in, giving her another kiss. And then another. It makes her feel lightheaded, almost dizzy. She could get drunk on Cosima's kisses, Delphine decides. The campers are gone, and Delphine takes advantage, she wraps her long arms around Cosima, pulling her into her body. Kissing her intently, she is easing her tongue into Cosima's willing mouth when they are interrupted.
"Hey are you two…" Katie stops at the door. In their haste to pack up they'd left it open. Immediately Delphine feels herself flush. They'd been seen. She immediately loosens her arms, letting Cosima go.
"Oh...OK." Katie says simply, eyes wide and head shaking slightly. "Umm… talk to you later."
"Right. Bye Katie." Cosima waves without missing a beat. But Delphine finds herself feeling awkward.
"Hey… hey… it's not a big deal." Cosima speaks to her softly, stroking at her hair. "Katie didn't care. She was just surprised."
"Right." Delphine tries to agree. Tries to forget the look of surprise, the way the blonde girl's eyes had widened at the sight of the two of them kissing.
They pack up quickly after that, and once they lock up they head down to the parking lot. Katie is in the kitchen when they pass by but she says nothing to either of them.
Cosima cranks up the radio as they drive up the coast along the highway. "So… Do you want dinner first? Or swim first?"
"Swim first." Delphine decides. Surely they can do that without leaping on each other. They stop at a beach, and it's busy. She doesn't dare touch Cosima here. She sees plenty of teenagers making out. Adults laze on the sand. But all… all men and women. Delphine sighs and looks at Cosima. Beautiful Cosima who has asked so little of her.
"Are you OK?"
"Yes, I'm fine." Delphine nods, trying to assure her. Quelling down fantasies of kissing Cosima on the sand, of pulling her to her in the water. She doesn't want the attention that will bring. Whether from disapproving strangers or perverted men. She just wants Cosima to herself.
They swim only a while before Cosima announces that she is hungry. Luckily there are plenty of options. They quickly find a diner and order burgers and fries. It's simple and ridiculous. They chat aimlessly. Neither trying any big questions now. Delphine wonders if they are both too consumed of the thought of what might happen.
"Oh this is good." Cosima mumbles between bites.
"It is." Delphine agrees, enjoying their food. She pauses to dip a fry in Cosima's ketchup. And they're playful and it is all wonderfully easy again. And yet, things are different.
"I want you." Cosima tells her simply, without shame. "What do you need for… for that to happen?"
"Cosima…" Delphine murmurs back. Certainly that was going to happen. She couldn't delude herself in otherwise.
"Let's drive until it's dark. We can find a private beach and go skinny dipping. Then we can drive until we find a motel." Cosima suggests. "We... we can take it super slow."
They drive and that much is simple, one of Cosima's hands occasionally drifts down to rest on her thigh. They make two stops, but Cosima declares those beaches not private enough even as the sun is setting.
Finally they find a small beach, tucked out of the way among large houses. A quiet street not far away becomes an impromptu parking spot. There's sand under their tires and they are too far, really, for street lights to illuminate much of anything. It is dark, and it is perfect. The perfect place to hide.
"Here?" Delphine asks. It seems more private than their other options. Specifically if they're intent on swimming naked. She will see Cosima… all of Cosima. And the knowledge sits heavy in her mind. How will that feel? Will she be aroused just by the sight of her? Or will it be the simple fun she has found in Cosima's company as before?
"Right here…." And Cosima leans in to kiss her without another word. Hands gripping the thin fabric of her shirt and shorts. Cosima leans in to her, slipping her tongue into her mouth kissing her so fiercely.
It's a fumble of over-eager hands and shaking limbs, they somehow slip to the back of the CRV, the back seats already down and a makeshift bed made out of Cosima's open sleeping bag. Cosima easily pushes herself up and maneuvers her lean small body through the front two seats to the back and Delphine follows, tucking up her legs and laying down.
"Kiss me… kiss me a little more." Cosima begs her and she obliges her. She wants to keep kissing. Wants to keep the lightness, the feeling in her chest like she's going to burst. And Cosima's lips are soft, pliant under her own. They'll stop and swim soon. Delphine figures, kissing Cosima again and again. Feeling Cosima's hands slip under her shirt, caressing the skin of her back. It sends liquid heat all over her body, the ache of arousal setting in far too quickly.
"Oh Delphine…" Cosima moans.
In the dark, Delphine thinks. It's easy enough. No one is going to see them. No one knows that she's lifted Cosima's sundress over her head, leaving the brunette in her underwear. No one knows that she kisses along the swells of Cosima's breasts above her bra cups before pulling her into plunder her mouth once again. The slide of Cosima's tongue against her own makes her heart beat faster and faster, arousal settling in easily.
"I want skin, can I take it off you?" Cosima asks, pulling gently at the hem of her shirt.
"Yes." Delphine breathes, feeling needier by the minute. Cosima is like a drug, she thinks. And she is an addict. Warm hands caress her bare skin. She hadn't bothered with a bra after swimming and Cosima moans leaning her lips down to her sternum. Cosima stops only to remove her glasses with one hand and place them aside.
"I want to fuck you." Cosima husks into her bare skin and she shudders in response. A hot mouth drifting down to her left nipple leaves her breathless and aching. Not from the heat of Cosima's mouth, but from the reaction she feels and hears from Cosima. Cosima wants her. And she is going to let Cosima have her.
It hits Delphine then. They've already fogged up the windows of the old CRV. They haven't even managed to swim. They haven't even made it out of the car. And they probably won't at this rate. She cannot imagine wanting to separate their bodies. Cannot stop kissing Cosima. She pulls her back up to her mouth and kisses her deeply, tongue stroking at Cosima's own. She will swallow the vulgar words, pour her love into Cosima instead.
"Never stop kissing me." Delphine demands, she holds Cosima to her.
"Can I touch you?" Cosima moves over her, rocking her hips into her, one hand cupping her face.
"Yes." Delphine responds. She is 100% certain she is going to burst. The heat in her body, Cosima's kisses, she is tensing and smoldering and …wanton.
"Oh god…" Cosima breathes into her ear and continues undoing the fastening of Delphine's shorts. "I really want to touch you. I want to feel you."
"Cosima...Cosima…" Delphine closes her eyes and lifts her hips, letting Cosima take off her shorts, they are tossed aside. What little they can be in the confined space. At least the sleeping bag cushions them a little. With the seats down, it's not the most comfortable space. Cosima slides back on top of her and rocks her hips before slowly drawing one hand down.
Cosima's fingers slip under the material of her underwear. But it's not sex, Delphine justifies to herself. Cosima's fingers begin to press and rub against her. She wasn't expecting this to feel this good. She remembers, she has hair, Cosima doesn't. But Cosima doesn't seem bothered by it right now. Cosima seems….excited.
"You're so swollen. So ready..." Cosima sighs. "Oh my god…you're dripping onto my fingers."
She's embarrassed at first, she knows Cosima can tell how aroused she is.
"It's a good thing." Cosima is quick to assure her. "So good... I want you like this. Wet and needy."
Need, need is suddenly the right word. "J'ai envie de toi." Delphine mumbles out in words more familiar to her mind. And Cosima responds in kind, stroking her while kissing her neck.
But it isn't sex… Delphine gasps and finds herself moving into Cosima's hand. She aches deep inside. They aren't even undressed. Cosima is still in her bra and underwear. Her panties are pulled down but still on.
"Take them off." Delphine demands. And Cosima does, stopping to crouch and remove Delphine's panties, tossing them aside before clambering back on top of her. She's nervous and it shows, because Cosima is watching her intently, even in the dark.
"Are you OK?" Cosima stops, looking down into her eyes. "Do you want this?
"I'm… nervous." Delphine admits, looking up at Cosima. "I don't know what I am doing."
"It's OK, baby." Cosima coos at her sweetly. "I just want to make you feel good."
Feel good seems to be an understatement. All Delphine can do is cling and moan helplessly.
"You have to say yes..." Cosima prompts softly into her ear.
"Yes." Delphine breathes out.
Cosima circles her entrance, probing gently with a finger and Delphine panics. That is too close to being sex, right? She cannot let her do that . She cannot have sex with Cosima. Not so soon. She couldn't with him and she definitely could not with Cosima. The lines that seem so clear with a man seem blurry with Cosima. Where does she draw the line with another woman? Where does she stop? Does she want to stop?
"Not inside." Delphine gasps out, grabbing Cosima's hand. She can work out the mental gymnastics later, but maybe they can start slow. Start with something simple. Something...almost innocent.
"OK... I won't. I promise." Cosima tells her softly, kissing her neck. They move together desperately, writhing, kissing, gripping fiercely.
Cosima never breaks her promise, she strokes and rubs gently instead until they find a rhythm that has her quickly coming undone. Cosima is good at this, Delphine realizes stunned. Cosima finds the bundle of nerves easily and begins to stimulate her directly, eyes fixed on her face trying to find what brings the most pleasure.
"Cosima… You feel so good….Cosima." Delphine whines, rucking herself up against Cosima. Her hands grip firmly, her hips cant upward to meet Cosima's fingers. She wants more. She suddenly wants everything. Wants to feel Cosima deep inside her. Wants to give pleasure back to Cosima in return. Any way her beloved will receive it.
She climaxes readily under the gentle attention of Cosima's hand. Afterwards, she isn't sure what to say or do. She pants uselessly on her back. Cosima is still leaning down over her. Cosima didn't get anything from this. It isn't right. Delphine thinks. It isn't fair. She should touch Cosima. She should be inside Cosima. Delphine sighs. That is what she should do... But... wouldn't that make her a lesbian?
"Ohhh." Cosima breathes out watching her. "That...that's it?"
Her cheeks redden, embarrassed. "Oui."
"Yes...yes…" Cosima gently moves her hand to her thigh. "You're wonderful… So sexy." Cosima kisses her again, and again, rocking her own hips down onto her. She can feel how damp Cosima's underwear are. Delphine knows Cosima is wet for her, completely aroused. And she doesn't know what to do.
"Can I…?" Cosima asks permission. For what Delphine isn't entirely sure.
"Oui." She says instead. She won't deny Cosima. She couldn't.
"Oh…" Cosima takes off her bra. "Suck on me. Please."
Delphine is flabbergasted. Is Cosima asking for...? She takes a minute to understand that Cosima wants her nipples sucked, and she presses herself up as much as she can in the tight space to accommodate her. She licks, and then sucks wondering if this feels good to Cosima. Before switching to the other breast. She brings her hands into play, cupping and stroking. She teases at a hardened nipple. Cosima is moaning, reacting, increasingly desperate.
"Cosima…" Delphine whispers, hands running over a body that is increasingly frenzied moving above her.
"Oh … oh you feel so good." Cosima moans, nipping at her ear lobe. Delphine lets her hands settle on Cosima's body, cupping a breast and stroking the nipple again with her thumb. It isn't fair, Delphine thinks, feeling the scrap of dampened fabric between them. Cosima should be naked too. Cosima should get something from this.
"I want more." Delphine whispers, leaning in for another kiss that only seems to stoke their desires higher. It didn't satiate. An orgasm did nothing to curb her longing for Cosima. She is still aching for her.
"Oh baby…" Cosima croons, moving in to kiss her. Cosima adjusts their position, and encourages her to rock. Her thigh makes contact with Cosima's damp sex and she cries out. Even through the fabric she can feel the heat of her.
"Comme ça?" Delphine asks, and she rocks again. This … this doesn't seem too difficult. It doesn't seem like enough at all really.
Cosima rocks into her, firmly. "Oh… Oh…" Cosima bucks her hips into her, grinding on her and it leaves her feeling desperately aroused again.
Delphine watches Cosima's face, noting when she moves one hand between them, slipping it under the fabric. It takes her a minute to realize, Cosima is inside herself and the thought excites her further. She looks down between Cosima's legs, watching her move in shadow.
"I need more… hold me." Cosima demands. And her arms obey without thinking. She wraps them tightly around Cosima.
"Oooh…" Delphine cries out at the sight. She lets Cosima touch herself. And lays there absolutely stunned. Cosima comes so quickly and then drops her hand to quickly pull her back in. A sticky wet hand on her skin and their heavy breathing the only sign of what they've been doing.
"Delphine…. I want you." Cosima sobs. And Delphine kisses her, tries to pour all her love, all her affection into the kiss. Tries to make this better than it was. Wants to make it more. Wants to make it love.
"Fais l'amour avec moi." Delphine begs her, first in French and then in English. "Make love with me again."
Cosima makes a choked sound and quickly kisses her again, they rub and rock together, tangled up in the dark.