Katie

I now measure my time in chunks of days – the 'with Seth' days and the 'without Seth' days. Every time we say goodbye, it's lingered kisses, tight hugs where I try not to cry but do anyway, his shirt absorbing the moisture my eyes release, and five days.

Five days without him, five days until I see his chocolate eyes and toothy grin. Five days until I feel whole again.

Although my days without Seth drag, January passes quicker than I expected. Soon it's Valentine's Day, and I'm heading down to La Push.

I walk briskly up the sidewalk to get out of the downpour. As soon as I reach the door, Seth throws it open and runs right into me, like he'd already been walking out.

I let out a breath of air at having just walked into the brick wall that is my boyfriend.

"Katie!" He breaks into a smile, wrapping his arms around me and pulling me up to his level.

"You didn't forget I was coming, did you?" I ask jokingly against his neck, leaning back to give him a quick kiss.

"Of course not!" he says quickly. "But…" He sets me down, and when he can't meet my eyes, I know something is off.

I take in the state of him. He's shirtless, only wearing shorts slung low over his hips. He's not wearing shoes, either.

"You have patrol?" I ask, my question coming out whinier than I intended.

He frowns. "Claire is sick, and her mom can't take off work again. Quil begged me to cover for him. I'm sorry. I'll make it up to you, okay?"

There's a lot I want to say. It's Valentine's Day; how are you going to make this up? I haven't seen you in five days. Can't someone else watch Claire?

But his deep eyes are begging me to be okay with this; he has a duty to his brothers like he has one to me. They were brothers long before I knew Seth even existed.

So I say, "I understand," because I do, even though I don't like it. "I'll see you when you get home, okay?"

His eyes light up, which in turn does make my heart lighter. "You're the best, Katie. Love you," he rushes to say before placing a sloppy kiss on my lips and running to the tree line.

I watch him until I can't see him anymore. With a sigh, I go inside.

Leah's sitting on the couch and has a large glass of red wine in her hand while she flicks through channels on the tv. It's just barely five in the afternoon.

I drop my bag on the floor and plop down beside her.

"Leah, will you be my valentine?" I ask, hoping that my devastation is at least somewhat covered.

"You like wine?" she asks.

I chuckle, dry and half-hearted. "Yes."

She laughs and stands to her feet. "Then yes, Katie, I'd love to be your valentine," she says as she heads to the kitchen to grab me a glass.

Leah and I end up drinking the entire bottle of wine as we watch a trashy romantic comedy and eat frozen pizza.

As the credits roll, I sigh. I find tears spring to my eyes. "It won't always be like this, right?" I ask.

My tone must surprise her, because she sets her glass down. "Valentine's Day? I sure hope not. Not that you aren't the best date I've had in years," she says, smiling.

I know she's trying to make me laugh, but it doesn't quite work. "I mean the 'running off to protect the tribe thing'. It gets harder and harder every time."

She sighs. "You know he'd leave in a heartbeat if you asked him to."

I look down at my hands, picking at a loose thread in the blanket draped across my lap. "That's not my place. I can't ask him to leave any more than he can ask me to stay here in La Push."

Leah makes a sound in the back of her throat like she doesn't agree with me, but she doesn't say anything. On the screen, the opening credits to the next movie roll.

"Katie, wake up."

I regain consciousness slowly, and when I finally come to, I see Seth leaning over his bed to me.

"Hey babe," I breathe. I'm in the middle of the bed. I scoot over and rest my head back on the pillow.

He nudges my shoulder again. "Hey," he says softly.

"Aren't you coming to sleep?" I ask groggily, sitting up a little straighter.

He smiles, sitting on the bed. "Happy Valentine's Day," he says, holding out a small red bag.

I'm not sure what my face looks like, but it prompts him to laugh. I spare a glance at the alarm clock. "Seth, it's four in the morning."

He leans over and flips on his bedside lamp, and the sudden light makes me wince.

"Sorry," he says softly. "I was just too excited to wait."

With a sigh, I sit up all the way, tossing off the heavy blankets. When Seth's not here, I have to sleep with three to avoid shivering.

"Okay, fine. Let me get your present."

I feel Seth's eyes tracking me, and I'm suddenly aware of how short my shorts are. I pull them down just a hair before walking to his dresser, where my duffle bag sits unzipped on top.

I clutch the horribly wrapped gift to my chest as I turn back around. "Did you follow the rules? Twenty bucks max, right?" I say as I make my way back to him.

He holds up a hand. "Scout's honor."

"Here," I say, holding it out for him and taking a seat next to him. "You first."

I study his face as he rips the paper off, and when it lights up in a smile, my heart flutters. He inspects the photo I'd framed. It's the one he took of me a few weeks ago at Capitol State Forest. It was probably my least favorite photo of myself, but when Seth had seen the digital on my laptop later that night, he couldn't shut up about it.

"I love it. It's perfect. Thank you," he says, leaning over to give me a quick peck on the cheek before shoving aside the stuff on his nightstand to set it directly beside his bed.

"Okay, your turn, Katie Kat," he says with a smirk, handing me the bag.

I pull the tissue paper out, ignoring his bold use of my nickname. "Is it fragile?" I ask, letting the paper flutter to the floor.

Seth smiles and shakes his head; I dump the bag's contents onto the mattress between us.

A small leather bracelet falls out, and I discard the bag onto the floor in favor of picking up the trinket. It's a small leather cuff, a beautiful russet color that reminds me of Seth's skin.

"Jake helped me make it. Look on the inside," he prompts.

I narrow my eyes, flipping the bracelet over so I can view the underside. Just you and me is carved into the soft leather.

"Just you and me," I say, smiling at our endearing motto etched into the underside of the leather. "Thank you. It's beautiful. I love it so much. Will you put it on for me?" I ask, holding it and my wrist out for him.

He fastens the bracelet around my wrist and twists it right side up. "There," he says, tangling my fingers with his.

Seth looks adorable sitting across from me. His hair is messed up and he's dirty, both likely from patrol.

"You have dirt on your neck," I say.

"I guess I need a shower," he says. "Where?" He asks, reaching up with his free hand and rubbing at the opposite side.

I giggle, sitting up on my knees and leaning over. "Here," I say, rubbing at the spot just below his jaw.

Being this close to him, I can smell him. There's a hint of sweat, likely from patrol, that infiltrates my nose along with his normal smell. It makes my head spin, and for some reason, I imagine tasting it.

I watch his eyes darken as I lean closer, placing a kiss on the spot where the dirt had been. He swallows hard under my lips.

Upon my better judgement, I run my fingers down the length of his neck, continuing down the midline of his chest.

Before I can comprehend what's happening, Seth's warm lips are on mine, forcing mine open.

I let out a hot breath of surprise into his mouth, which makes him groan and reach for my face, pulling me harder against him. I cup the back of his neck in my hand.

I just barely register warmth snaking around my back – Seth's arm. His tongue finds mine, and it feels like velvet in my mouth.

He presses his body to mine, and then my back is against the mattress. I'm not sure which one of us brought us here, if I was pulling or he was pushing. He's still kneading his lips against mine, slow and soft and heated and fervent all at once, and it makes it hard to concentrate on anything else. I can hear my heartbeat – it sounds like there's a bass drum in my ears.

Seth rests his hand lightly on my thigh, and the warmth from it radiates through my entire body, centering deep in my gut as he pulls my leg over his hip.

My lips work in a frenzy against his. I run my hands freely across the taut muscles of his chest as he drags his hand higher up my leg. When he reaches the fabric of my shorts – my too-short shorts, I feel another jolt of electricity straight to my core. Straight between my legs.

Seth pulls his mouth from mine, moving to place hot, open mouth kisses along my throat. My mouth falls open, a moan escaping my mouth before I can try to stop it – or even think about if I want to.

With a groan that sounds both pained and forced, Seth pulls away. "I need to shower," he says gruffly, sitting up and rising to his feet in one fluid movement.

I'm left cold from his absence; I didn't realize how entangled we'd become. By the time I look to the door, Seth is already gone.

I spend the entire time Seth is gone working to catch my breath, slow my heart rate. I consider trying for sleep, but my mind is racing. I know exactly what happened, and I'm only mad at myself. I'm just glad Seth has self-control, because I apparently didn't.

Now I know what Ashley was talking about, finding yourself in a sticky situation.

I'm back neatly on my side of the bed, staring at the ceiling in the dark when the door creaks open.

When I turn my head, Seth's standing in the doorway.

"I'm not asleep," I whisper.

He lets out a slow breath, but it turns into a chuckle. "I know," he says, crossing the room and laying down next to me, pulling one thick blanket up around me before wrapping an arm around me – on top of the blanket. "I think we need to talk."

I nod, trying to stop my frown. "I'm sorry," I say.

His brow furrows. "Wait, what? What are you sorry for?"

Seth's confusion makes me laugh. "I think I'm sending out mixed signals. I tell you I want to wait, and then I… provoke… that." I try to make my voice serious, but I'm not sure it lands.

He shakes his head. "I wasn't exactly stopping you, was I?" he says, his tone mirroring mine. "Maybe we should set some… ground rules?" He says, his tone more of a question than a statement

"Like what?"

"No kissing while we're laying down," he says immediately.

I giggle as I ask, "What'd you do, make a list while you were in the shower?"

"No, that's not what I did in the shower," he says, already dark eyes moving closer toward the color of midnight.

I flush deeply, and my pulse increases as desire blooms within me again at his implication. He must recognize it because he coughs, and he slips his hand from around my waist and rests it on his own torso instead. "Sorry. That didn't help much, did it?"

"Maybe that should be a rule, too," I concede. "Don't ask, don't tell."

When he nods in agreement, I say, "Thank you, Seth. For not pressuring me."

He grimaces. "You don't need to thank me for that, Katie. I don't have to understand it to respect it."

"Do you want to understand? I could tell you."

He starts to nod enthusiastically, but stills his head and opens his mouth instead. "Only if you want to," he says. "I'm sure it's personal."

"It is, but I'd still like to share it with you. It affects you, too," I admit.

When he nods, I take a breath. "It started from church, I'm sure that's not a surprise. You've met my parents. There was the whole sexual immorality is a one-way ticket to hell thing. My mom was also big on "your body is a temple, treat it with respect." It stuck with me. And so I made a promise to myself when I was young that I would wait. Until I met the man who loved me for me, not for my body or how I could satisfy him.

"When I got to high school, and the girls around me started having sex. They talked about how great it was, who they'd done it with that weekend, or that so and so finally hooked up. Even though I wasn't a part of the popular crowd, the hallways were only so big, you know. I was surprised that I thought they were cool, but I did. Jealous, maybe, even.

"There was one girl specifically, Madison Pratt. Lockers were assigned alphabetically so mine was right next to hers. All of junior year, she kept talking about how her senior boyfriend wanted to have sex with her, and week after week I heard her think about it more and more. She thought it would make him faithful to her when he went away to college in the fall. I think she caved the night of his senior prom.

"Summer came and went, and when we came back senior year, she talked all about their magical summer together. After fall break, though, she came into school crying. I guess her boyfriend had cheated on her with someone from college. Because Madison trusted him, they hadn't used protection, and she ended up with an STD. Her parents found out because the school nurse called.

"And there were so many other stories like that. Even the girls that didn't have messy breakups would be paranoid that they were pregnant. It just never felt… worth it to me. All the risks, but heartbreak, mostly. Which, I know, may seem like it goes against the other risky aspects of my personality," I say with a smile. He gives me a wink.

"I just want what happens to my body to be on my terms. It's part of the reason for my tattoo. My temple, my rules," I finish.

I watch Seth rub his bottom lip with his teeth as he absorbs everything. "Thank you for telling me," he finally says.

"Shelby even thinks I'm crazy," I say. "She doesn't know how I can choose to be with one person for the rest of my life if I haven't…"

"Haven't what?"

Despite the depth of this conversation, I'm surprised to find that I'm not embarrassed. I feel totally comfortable discussing this with Seth. "Gone for a test drive," I say. "She thinks you have to know if you're sexually compatible before you pledge to only be with one person forever."

He reaches up to brush his thumb across my cheek. "That won't be an issue."

"You're not concerned?" I ask, and despite my level of comfort, my cheeks finally fill with heat.

He shakes his head softly. "Curious, yes. Concerned, no. From what I've seen from the other wolves, those with imprints tend to be… extremely satisfied in that department."

I knew that pack mind had drawbacks. I imagined knowing your brothers' - and sister's - sex lives had to be one of them. "It's still weird to me," I say, trying to move on from the barrage of images in my head of what Seth's likely seen. "What's the point?"

"Imprinting? Nobody knows," he says, and I can tell he wants to say more. "Sam thinks it's about having babies," he admits finally.

Embarrassment floods through my face. "Oh." What an intelligent, educated response.

He laughs, husky. "You look terrified, Katie."

I squeeze my eyes shut, internally cursing his night vision.

He runs his hand down my arm, pulling me closer to his chest. "Do you not… want kids?" I can tell he's exhausted by the way his responses are getting more drawn out, have more pauses in between.

I take a deep breath, my heart thudding loudly. Even I can hear it. "Maybe one day. But not for years. My career is important to me." He remains quiet. "Do you want kids?" I whisper after a prolonged moment of silence.

"Yeah," he whispers, his voice barely audible. "But I wasn't sure until I met you."

I want to tell him that I think that's how I feel too, but it takes me so long to think of a response that Seth is already asleep.

I am awoken again, groggier than before, by Seth's cell phone ringing.

I try to stay focused on staying awake while Seth speaks in hushed tones on his phone, but it's hard. It's so dark and warm under these blankets.

"Katie, I have to go into work," he whispers after he finishes his call.

"You just got off work," I remind him sleepily. A dull headache pounds away behind my eyes. I'm not sure if it's from lack of sleep or the bottle of wine I consumed with Leah.

He chuckles, leaning over and kissing the top of my head. "There's an emergency at the lumber yard."

"Seth, you only got—" I pause, looking at the alarm clock, and groan. "Two hours of sleep, max. That's not safe."

He sighs, but he's already on his feet. "I'll be okay. Promise," he says with a smile and an encouraging nod.

Although he's optimistic, apparently when I'm grouchy, I'm not. Before I can stop myself, I say, "Why did I even come this weekend, then?" Although I can just barely see his face fall, I don't know if I regret my words or not. "I might as well just go home now." A hot tear leaks out of the corner of my eye and into the pillow. I hope he doesn't see it.

"I'm sorry, Katie. I would stay if I could," he says, leaning over and swiping at the remnants of my tear. Of course he saw it. "Please don't leave, babe." he says, tucking a loose tendril of hair behind my ear.

It's so touching, and he does look sorry. So, for the second time in twelve hours, I say, "I understand. I'll see you when you get home, okay?" Because I do. And I will.

I wake up fully for the day around ten the next morning, head still pounding. Great, my first hangover. Ashley would be thrilled.

I keep one of the blankets wrapped around me as I walk to the kitchen in hopes of finding some pain medicine.

What I find, though, are Leah and Sue drinking coffee at the kitchen table.

"Good morning," I say, trying to hide my surprise as I walk further into the kitchen. I forgot all about Saturday breakfast.

"Seth's at work. He got called in this morning," I continue, getting out a coffee mug of my own. "Um, do you have some painkillers? I woke up with a headache."

"Late night?" Leah asks smugly.

My face floods. She had been asleep last night, right? Surely, she hadn't heard my conversation with Seth. Because if that was true, I may as well just die of embarrassment right here.

Leah's too busy laughing at me under her breath to answer my question, but Sue points at the cabinet to the far left of the kitchen.

"I'm glad you're up, Katie," Sue says as I fill my coffee mug with water to wash down my Advil. "I was thinking about making some soup today, and I could use some help. I thought we could make double, and you can take some back to school with you." Her eyes crinkle with sincerity as she smiles at me.

I gulp the remaining water in my glass. "Sure," I say once my thirst is quenched. I wonder if Seth had told her about my horrible diet while I was at school. But spending some time with a mom today, even if it wasn't my own – and even if it did involve cooking – still sounded much better than either homework or wallowing in my seemingly Seth-less weekend.