Twenty-one: When Bitches Try (to forget)
The ride home goes by silently, neither of them really knows what to say, it's not embarrassment that silences them, it's more a sense of fear that something irreparable has just happened and they may not be able to overcome it.
Clark watches them from the rearview mirror, notices the heavy atmosphere, pulls up in front of the reporter's house, gets out to get their luggage and lingers to give them some room that he senses they both need, wandering what happened between the two.
Elaine lays her hand on Susan's, "Um... maybe one of these nights I'll stop by your place, we'll exchange souvenirs, watch a movie?", she offers insecurely. "Sure!", the other hurries to reply a little too quickly, in an attempt to mask her discomfort. She hates feeling this way about Elaine, with Elaine.
"Please, Sue, tell me it's okay…", the woman begs her in a bewildered voice. "Elaine, you haven't done anything wrong, not today, not before today, I'm the one who should be asking this question, not you...", Susan admits, aware of the lump growing in her throat. "I just need to… come to terms with the... person I am. Absorb this concept and put it behind me… pretend it didn't happen, right…", the young woman hardly tries to explain, knowing that she still is partly telling stories.
Elaine leans in and gently hugs her for reassurance. "No one did anything wrong, least of all irreparable, not today, not before, honey", she whispers, holding the knot growing in her throat. She takes her face in her hands and tries to smile, "And you're a wonderful person, by the way. Okay?", the younger struggles to smile back, she still feels mortified, she doesn't want her friend to feel bad because of her. She nods trying to look convincing, she closes her eyes when Barrish comes up and places a light kiss on her cheek, before wishing her a good rest.
—
At home she finds her mother, two sons, daughter-in-law, and ex-husband welcoming her back, they sit down at the table after a short while. She doesn't miss the extra seat they have reserved for Susan Berg. Perhaps if what happened a few hours earlier onboard the jet hadn't happened, she would be sitting next to her right now. No. Not perhaps. For sure. She would still want her next to her, she doesn't care what happened, or maybe she does, but not in the way she should, she thinks as she looks at Doug, expecting some sort of reaction from herself knowing what she is now aware of, but nothing happens.
"Honey, if only you had called as soon as you landed, I would have made sure you brought her too, I thought it was implied by now!", her mother admonished her. "How could it have been implied, Mom? I've been gone for two months and Susan for almost three weeks! It didn't even cross our mind", she justifies herself a little bit out loud, annoyed by the knowledge that they would have thought of it instead, if things hadn't turned out the way they did. She picks up her cell phone and dials a text message.
«Hey you... there's an empty spot here, next to me for you… if you'd like to join us, I'll send Clark to get you right away. Please come...»
«Thanks for the thought, to you and your family. I'm a little messed up right now. I'd rather be alone this evening, is it okay?», she reads after a short while as the knot in her throat becomes noticeable again. "She says she's tired, needs to rest. She says hi to everyone and will come in the next few days", she forces herself to speak, avoiding the gaze of the others. «Sure honey, whatever you feel like. Please, come back soon, I'll be right here waiting for you»
—
|O| follow this link if you wanna read what happens in the meanwhile: /works/28716942
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Susan is not in touch the next day or the day after that. Elaine isn't particularly concerned, but she still feels uncomfortable. And she's sorry, sickeningly sorry, to know that her friend felt the need for such a drastic breakup. She's sorry she suggested that she pretend that confrontation never happened, because clearly they can't wipe it away, not Susan, not her.
More than the discussion, it's how it ended that upsets her. Her reaction, it unsettles her, disorients her, destabilizes her. Having returned from the Oval at a decent hour, having washed and changed into more comfortable clothes, she decides to break that awful silence and call her. She dials her number, aware of the beats of her own heart that increase with each ring, while absent-mindedly her long fingers play with the copper and opal pendant she has been wearing around her neck since that day they met in Phoenix.
"Hey there!", she answers after a short while. Elaine notices that her tone is built up, but now is not the time to point it out. She's just so relieved that she answered the phone. "Hey, I got in early, what if I come over?", she asks her, trying not to sound needy. She listens to the silence on the other end.
"Okay… um... if it's just time what you need, okay, I understand, but if you want to talk about it, I'm there... I just want you to know...", she insists hesitantly, "Maybe it wasn't such a good idea to pretend like nothing happened... I... I wouldn't have suggested it. I don't think it's working for any of us. And, it was wrong for me to decide for both of us, please forgive me", she clarifies.
"Elaine, you have nothing to be forgiven for. But you're right, I would like... I need us to talk about it", the young woman finally replies, Elaine's sigh of relief clearly audible to her, "I think I need to talk about it too, Sue", "Then I'll wait for you"
Susan finally allows herself to breathe as she sets her cell phone down on the kitchen counter. They have served her well, the past few days, in trying to understand her reactions. She is relieved to know that the woman has realized that there is no denying or forgetting. Not if you want to move on.
—
Elaine decides to take it for granted that she will stay for the night, bringing a change for the next day, she leaves Clark free for the evening by making arrangements for the next morning.
"Ice cream! The best in DC!", she announces with a smile as she crosses the threshold and squeezes her tightly with her free arm, to reiterate that everything is and will be okay. She places a kiss on her temple, lingering for a long moment and looks into her eyes, smiling.
"Tell me it's all chocolate! Dark chocolate!", Berg tries to joke, finally breaking into a laugh that relaxes the atmosphere. "What if I'm going to put on my prison uniform and come back?", she ventures more confidently, to convey to her she'd like to stay for the night.
Berg is glad, she just hopes she doesn't change her mind after they talk. Immediately she calls herself a fool for that thought, the woman would never do that. "While you're in the room, get the blankets too", she tells her loudly to be heard. After a short while she watches her coming back with the night's necessities, which she leaves at one end of the couch, before sitting down at the counter with her.
"If you're not too hungry we could have an ice cream dinner... How about that?", the young woman proposes. Elaine smiles conspiratorially, "I'm in!", she announces. She watches her get up to get two bowls, "I don't think we need those... Just grab two spoons, I reckon it is more appropriate, for tonight!", she proposes, knowing that the topic they need to address is a sensitive one. A little intimacy will definitely help them. In fact, they really need it, she tells herself with belief.
After a few spoonfuls, she decides to break the silence. "If what's bothering you is what happened with Doug... it doesn't matter to me, I mean it…", she assures her looking into her eyes, "If you're uncomfortable... about that kiss... you don't have to... I was pressuring you, I had you cornered, literally", she waits and pray that Susan takes the bait and clarifies what she started to suspect lately, because she need her to know that it's really okay.
"Elaine...", Berg interrupts her, relaxing in her seat and tilting her head looking into her eyes, she need to say it, "I didn't kiss you to distract you...", she confesses gently, trying to decipher the expression of the woman in front of her, in vain. Strangely, she is not as nervous as she had feared, in clarifying this point.
Here we go.
"I kissed you because, in that moment, it seemed like the only way to let you know how much I cared about you, how much I care, present tense. And after thinking about it so much over the last few days... well I just don't want you to think... It was not to distract you and find an escape… It's just so unfair, and wrong, to let you think this. That's what made me feel bad... really, just that", she tells her with a calm, relieved look. "I know I crossed a line, and I feel very bad about it, but I thought I lost you and-"
"Shut up and eat!", the older interrupts her in a sweet voice, handing her own spoon full of the cold and creamy mixture. She desperately want to tell her that somehow she think to feel the same, but Susan doesn't deserve her insecurities. So She decides to say just part of her truth, the one she is sure of.
"There are no limits to respect or go beyond, here... it's just the two of us...", she reassures her tenderly. "And, I wasn't... mad about Doug... I was mad because you didn't tell me before...", she raises a hand, to interrupt her, seeing her catch her breath.
"I know, honey, you've suppressed it, and I believe you, now that I'm thinking about it in retrospect... but at that very moment... after all this time... after all that... we've been through together... I felt betrayed, and I shouldn't have, I lost my temper... maybe kissing me was really the only way to make me... shut up", she concludes bursting into a half laugh, relieved to feel Susan following her, she willingly accepts the last spoonful she offers her, finally breaking the discomfort between them.
Susan still doesn't know how to interpret her last words, but at the moment she realizes that it doesn't matter. She doesn't even really know how she feels about it yet, but she knows that whatever it is, it makes her feel good, so for now the important thing is to have clarified what was bothering her and to know and feel that Elaine has no problem accepting that truth that is still not clear to either of them. Shivering she tosses the now empty container and rinses the cutlery.
"Are you cold?", the other asks her as she stands up. "Brrr! Yes! Always, when I eat ice cream!", she confirms shaken again by a tremor. "Then let's hurry up and go curl up on the couch in the warmth!", Barrish spurs her on dragging her behind and making her laugh out loud. She pushes her playfully onto the couch and immediately dives in beside her. A moment later, however, she is back on her feet, throws a blanket over her, tucking it in tightly amidst the laughter of the other, "I almost forgot the little gifts from the South!", she exclaims in looking for her purse.
—
"Okay… we're in trouble folks! About fifty more people have joined us! Where am I going to find another kitchen attendant for tonight?" complains TJ scratching his head. The family is gathered in the large bistro room, ready for the grand opening."We didn't anticipate this many guests!" adds Doug chewing on his bottom lip.
"Okay, let's keep it together!", Susan proposes, raising her arms, "Do we have any raw materials left?", she asks the two brothers. "Sure! We have plenty of that!", Grandma Barrish assures her. Instinctively Elaine and Susan exchange a knowing look, "We're on it!", they announce in unison. "Are you serious?", Tj asks, widening her eyes. "Of course honey! We'll figure something out! Right Sue?", his mother reassures him, smiling at Berg who nods with confidence. "Oh my gosh! Thank you!", the young man exclaims relieved, jumping onto both of their necks and holding them close, "You guys are so cool!"
Margaret circles the counter and tables, making sure everything is perfect for the upcoming event. Marveling at her daughter's decision to try her hand at cooking, she suspects that her dear journalist friend and former bitch Susan Berg is running the show.
Every time she went into the kitchen to take a sneak peek, she spotted them in their little corner, so close that they were constantly brushing up against each other, silently making canapés, their movements almost perfectly synchronized, while they spoke softly and smiled at each other. - how touching! - she thinks, amused. She can't remember how long it's been since she's seen her daughter like this, she's not even sure she's ever seen her like this.
Surprised not to be shocked at the suspicion that comes to her by watching them together, she wonders where they are in their relationship. She'd like to think they're at a good stage, but she doesn't think that's possible, knowing Elaine, her history, her social and professional status. It's one thing to be the son of one of the most important members of the government, quite another to be the member himself.
It's one thing to be a forty-something bookish woman, hella hummer lady, and quite another to be a sixty-something woman, fresh from a single, troubled marriage of over thirty years. And one of the most powerful human being of the whole world.
Elaine sits at the table reserved for the family, enjoying the party she helped to create. It was much more enjoyable than she could have expected, spending the last six hours crafting tiny morsels in industrial quantities. While from afar she watches her friend joking with her daughter-in-law and her son, she agrees that it was all thanks to her. "I don't know how you did it, but you saved the evening!", Grandma Barrish remarks as she sits down next to her, noticing a smile widen on her daughter's face as she doesn't stop looking at the reporter on the opposite side of the room. "Yeah!", the woman affirms.
"I admit, I was dead wrong about her!", the elderly woman admits. "No, Mom, you weren't wrong", her daughter tells her, turning to look at her, "But a person's validity can be seen by their willingness to change when necessary, right?", she observes with a tired but relaxed expression. "Well, anyway, I'm very happy to have her in the family, dear, I can tell she adores you, stick with her!", she advises as she disappears, fearing that her daughter might want to delve into a topic that instead she wants her to just absorb, for now.