DECEMBER 12 SUNDAY

Sirius rewrote the entire script, just to get the crafts people to make the papier mache replica of Breadscalibur.

The three wise reconstructive surgeons were now the three queerphobic toxically masculine Catholic priests and Gary had to use the Sword of Tolerance to protect his intesex baby.

Reactions amongst the cast were mixed.

"Your show is promoting violence," said Phil.

"Shut up Phil, it's a metaphor!" said Sirius.

"For what?"

"Violence being the only solution a lot of the time. Anyway guys, take ten."

The cast fetched their cigarettes and went outside. Sirius sat down at the piano.

"Hey I wrote a song!" said James and gave the lyrics to Sirius. "Could you put notes on it?"

Sirius had a look at the lyrics.

" 'Wave your hands in the air like you just don't care' "

He scratched the line and tried a Bflatdim7aug.

"What it rhymed!" James argued.

But Sirius kept scratching entire verses and adding completely new ones. Remus was scratching lines, too. In the script. Lines he found to be unnecessary, rude or just unnecessarily rude.

"What are you doing to my Tony award winning ballad?" Sirius asked.

" 'Boom, boom, I want you in my stable' "

"What's wrong with that, you prude?"

"Kids will be watching."

"So what? It's never too early to learn the facts of life."

"You have to keep it clean. McGonagall's orders."

"So, just because it's a queer couple, it's not clean?"

" 'When you've think I've loved you all I can, I'm going to love your camel' "

"Now that's just a shameless rip off," said James.

"So it's a rip off because it's a queer couple?"

The cast returned from their break.

"I told you Dumbledore would love the idea," said the chap that played Josephine.

"I didn't doubt you," said Queen Herod.

"Is anybody not gender swapped?" Peter asked.

"Nobody is gender swapped because everybody is the gender they are on the inside," Sirius explained.

"No, they're all gender swapped," said James. "Anyway I wonder where the real Breadscalibur is."

Remus unfolded a news paper.

"The Museum of Relics has it."

There was an article about it, as well as a picture. The picture depicted a sword inside a glass case.

"That's the sort of picture that makes me want to become a gentleman thief," said James.

"Yeah," said Remus, "I know."

James sighed.

"When the reheharsal is over, can we play pong?"

That they could.