Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha (Rumiko Takahashi-san and Viz Media do). If I did, I would probably be rich.
DAY 13
Kohaku: Blood on Your Hands
He lay awake at night. Naraku was finally dead and Kohaku was free. He was alive. Sango was alive. Rin was alive. Kagome was alive, but missing. So many others were dead. His father and the other taijiya, the kind people at the castle, the countless villages eaten by the demon rats. You killed them.
He never wanted to hurt anyone, never desired to cause pain and destruction. Kohaku wanted to help people, to protect them. That was why he trained so hard, so that he could follow in the footsteps of the demons slayers that came before him. Kohaku wanted his father and sister to be proud of him. You disgraced them.
At Lord Kagewaki's castle he killed his father. He slaughtered the slayers - friends, neighbors, and comrades - and almost killed Sango. She said it wasn't his fault, said that it was the fault of the spider yōkai who controlled him, but Kohaku could not let it go. He still saw that night, reliving it again and again - the blood, the screams, the shock of his betrayal written forever on the faces of the dead. They dropped like flies. The main fighting force of the taijiya village was dead by his hand. He wielded his kusarigama that night with deadly speed and precision that he had not possessed before. It was all your fault.
Kohaku wished he had stayed dead, that the Shikon Jewel shard had not breathed life back into his body. Then, at least, his soul could burn in Hell as he deserved. If he had stayed dead, so many more would still be alive - or at least he wouldn't have had to kill them. It would have been so much better if you died.
Would the people in the castle still be alive? The old man who gave him a place to belong? The princess and her attendants? Kohaku let the deaths fall on his shoulders - he had cried and protested, struggled against Naraku's grip, but it was still his hand and his sickle that cut them down. Between Abi's birds and Naraku's will, they were all fated to die. There is blood on your hands.
Kohaku went back to the day they opened Zushinezumi's shrine. The day he opened it. Dozens of villages were consumed by the swarm of demon rats. What a horrible fate, to be eaten alive. And he had helped. His mind had been free, but Kohaku still sat there guarding the evil shrine, keeping it open. He could have closed the doors. Smashed it. Ended the sea of horror swarming across the land. He could have done something. Should have. But instead, Kohaku played his part and pretended not to remember. Pretended he didn't hear the screams or see all the skeletons layed out in the sun, picked bare by sharp teeth. You are far worse than the rats, lower than the vermin that gnaw on the bones.
He had to play his part. Had to find the infant and the Fuyōheki and destroy Naraku's heart. You couldn't even manage that.
During the final battle he remained on the sidelines, later guarding Rin from further harm. Sango, Miroku, Inuyasha, and Kagome all risked their lives. They battled Naraku's illusions, mind attacks, and miasma. Kagome defeated the Jewel and disappeared. You should disappear.
If he vanished, would the guilt vanish too? Cease to exist and dissipate into the universe? He didn't want to suffer, didn't want to feel this way, but Kohaku believed he deserved it. I can't disappear. I can't let it fade away. That's how Naraku got inside my head. I wanted to forget. I let him in. I deserve this.
A/N: I think Kohaku would have a lot of (undeserved) guilt after everything was said and done. It's hard to say whether or not playing along with the rat demon shrine was 'worth it' as a casualty of war (would probably need to rewatch the episodes...), but I can see why he did it and also why Sango felt it was unforgivable. I feel pretty conflicted about it. What is your opinion?
I also might be late on the next few submissions (and I wanted so badly to be on time with them!) because I just started training for a new job this week and my brain feels kinda mushy. I will try my best!