Beca barely ventured out of her room on Thursday, but come Friday, everybody had to meet in the pit to hear about the next week's theme.
And since nobody knew who was going to be cut, they all had to prepare a song.
From her room, she heard everyone making their way downstairs. She waited until most of the voices quieted before she joined them, slinking into the background of the festivities.
The couch was full, and Katherine, Carl, and a few others sat at the dining table. Beca leaned against a column between the dining room and entryway as she tuned into Posen, who was addressing the group.
"We'll start today by working on Mama I'm A Big Girl Now! from Hairspray. Then you'll get with Carl to pick solos. And I'm so excited to announce our guest mentor and performer will be Tony, Grammy, Emmy, and Oscar winner, the Broadway legend herself, Liza Minelli!"
The women cheered, and Posen beamed.
"She'll be here tomorrow, then again on Tuesday at the theater," she continued. "So you ladies better have your shit together."
She dismissed the group, telling them to be in the pool house in twenty minutes. Beca stayed by the pillar as Posen passed without even looking at the brunette.
Better than the alternative, Beca thought.
The women began to leave, and most of them ignored Beca completely. Flo shot her a sympathetic look but didn't say anything, and CR tutted as she shook her head.
"Hey, shortstack," Fat Amy said as she approached. "Imma have to, ya know, keep my distance for a bit. You're bad for business."
Beca grimaced with a nod, looking over Amy's shoulder and catching Stacie's glare. Chloe was next to her, but the redhead wasn't looking her way.
Honestly, it wasn't as bad as she expected.
So what if everybody was freezing her out?
Beca thought about it as she went back to her room.
She got what she wanted, essentially.
To be left the fuck alone.
So maybe this was good. They'd leave her alone now. No more confusing acts of kindness or attempts at friendship. No more stupid crushes.
She could just do her music.
Beca joined the rest of the competitors in the pool house as Carl was assigning parts, standing at the keyboard with the women spread out around him.
"-and so then you'll sing- oh! Beca!" he called to her as she came in. "Grab a sheet!"
"Sorry, I was- uh-"
Stacie rounded and narrowed her eyes at the younger woman.
"'Sorry'? That's rich, coming from you," Stacie growled.
"Don't worry about it, Beca," Carl jumped in. "Come on."
Carl split them all up, putting Beca in a group with Lilly and Stacie, much to both brunettes' chagrin. They were given Tracy's parts from the song.
Chloe, Amy, and Ashley got the Amber lines, and the last four - Emily, Flo, CR, and Jessica - would sing for Penny.
Thankfully Beca knew most of the words already. While Hairspray wasn't one of her favorite musicals, it was one of the few movies she actually watched, mostly because her mom loved to sing along.
They'd put it on a lot, when her mom got really sick, because it always made her mom smile. And even though the song was only in the end credits, Beca always let it play through until the song was over.
She liked the music, even though it was a bit hokey.
Plus, the blonde was hot.
So as the other women tried to keep up with the complex melody while they learned the lyrics, Beca focused her thoughts on the next week.
A week of Broadway songs. She could work with that. Maybe she'd sing some Webber. Or Sondheim again.
Okay, probably not Sondheim again.
Too hard.
Too much.
And they'd get to work with Liza Minelli, that was pretty cool.
Beca started singing the second verse with her group, chancing a look up at Carl. Instead of locking eyes with him, she found Chloe staring at her.
Her eyes were wide, and as Beca met the crystal blues. Chloe's gaze shuddered slightly as the redhead sucked in a shaky breath.
God, she really knew how to make Beca feel like shit, just by looking at her.
Beca quickly looked away, out the window, then to her original target of Carl.
She could still feel Chloe looking at her, but she wasn't about to deal with that right now.
The run-through ended, and Carl was pleased. He told the women to learn their parts and practice with their groups. Thankfully, he said, they'd just do some simple choreography, walking around each other in their groups, so they would work that out on Tuesday when they rehearsed in the space.
Otherwise, it was time for everyone to pick their songs.
Carl said the same parameters as before would be in effect now; all contestants had to pick songs made popular by women.
As he started to throw out classical musical examples, some started asking about modern musicals like Dear Evan Hansen and Hamilton. The musical director reluctantly agreed but clarified that the song list would still have to be approved by Posen and, to some extent, by Liza Minelli.
Ashley immediately tried to claim Defying Gravity from Wicked, but Carl talked her down to No Good Deed from the same show. Fat Amy picked something from Cats.
Roxie from Chicago, that was Jessica, after trying something else. Flo said she wanted to do I Feel Pretty from West Side Story, stating it was the only show she had seen parts of in Guatemala, due to its "gang elements."
The women bickered about who could sing what, and what parts were even still available, but Beca stopped listening. She watched as Chloe said something to Stacie, and the tall brunette shot her a look.
Then, Stacie ushered Chloe out of the pool house and out of sight.
Carl set up a rough schedule for the women who had already picked, telling them to take an hour's break for lunch, and that they'd each work for a half hour or so. One by one, the rest of the remaining women picked, and then Beca was the only one left in the room.
Rather than chance fate to see Chloe and Stacie again, Beca mumbled her song choice - Life Upon The Wicked Stage from Show Boat - and hurried back towards her room.
This time, she remembered to grab snacks (so she could stop sneaking out at 2 AM to hoard.)
She managed to get inside the safety of her suite without any interruptions, but Beca was starting to think that was less about luck and more about the choice of her housemates.
She'd be offended if it wasn't so convenient.
Instead of diving into new mixes to send to Plaza immediately, Beca rehearsed her song a few times. It was another one of her mom's favorites, though why she'd let Beca perform it in a talent show at 12, Beca wasn't sure.
The song wasn't exactly appropriate.
Still, she knew the words, saccharine as they appeared to be on the surface. And even though her jaw still hurt from where Stacie had hit her, Beca was having fun singing the song.
From the safety and relatively soundproofed security of her walk-in closet, anyway.
After that, Beca realized she still had a couple hours to kill before she would need to be back in the studio.
She could hear women in the pit, singing parts of their songs and others from shows that they hadn't picked. She could hear them talking about going out to lunch, going to see some of the sights before they had to practice.
Beca almost laughed.
That sounded awful.
Instead of listening to another almost slapstick-comedy cover of For Good, she slipped her headphones over her ears and went to work.
Plaza was probably going to regret giving Beca carte blanche to send whatever she had.
Because in the last day alone, Beca had sent three separate emails with old mixes, and she'd also started four and a half new ones. Beca was inspired - not only by the music she'd heard Wednesday, but by the club itself.
It was different than the ones Beca had been able to sneak into in Atlanta.
The big clubs in Atlanta, the ones with lines and wait times, they were so rap-heavy. And the bars were always a mix of country and sugar pop.
But the club they went to, and Plaza's DJ friend, they had the same taste that Beca did. All the DJs at the club took pop and weird samples and dominating bass and made it something that you wanted to dance too.
Hopefully they would go back.
Maybe she could convince Plaza to introduce her to the DJ that played her mix.
If the judge didn't hate her, anyway.
Would Plaza care that the other contestants were mad at her?
Probably not.
But she might have to separate herself from Beca as part of the show, depending on if the fans still liked her.
Beca clicked her phone on, scrolling over to the internet tab that had Twitter on it. She still didn't have an account, but now that she knew they were talking about the show, she would find herself scrolling through the hashtags to see what they were saying about her.
She couldn't help it. It was the worst form of narcissism and masochism.
Without actually having to watch the show.
She watched as people used the #BecaEffinMitchell tag to say they were still going to support her or whatever, and that they were voting for her, maybe because they wanted to see what would happen if she stayed on the show.
But people said they were going to stop, too.
Somehow she'd scrolled so far back that she was seeing people talk about her I'm Still Here performance. It was weird; that happened so long ago for her, but the episode only aired last week. Again, the pool was split. Some people said she was a badass with a great voice, and others said she was dramatic.
Beca wondered how much they'd actually seen, on the show. Seen her nerves and the way she broke down.
Eh, that was actually pretty dramatic.
It wasn't until she was almost at the bottom of scrolling that she saw Chloe's name. It was her account, Beca realized suddenly - ChloeTheGinger.
It was a picture of Beca from the show, and something else, and as Beca read, she realized the original tweet had come from the show's official AmericanIdol account.
She clicked on the picture of herself onstage singing, and underneath was the closed caption I'm still here!
She scrolled, and another picture popped up, this one of Aubrey Posen gritting her teeth.
She scrolled once more, and a final picture of Posen rolling her eyes appeared, and the caption for that one was Beca [censored] Mitchell.
The show had tweeted the pictures with the simple caption #BecaEffinMitchell.
And Chloe had quoted it somehow, adding two heart-eye emojis along with a crying laughing face. Beca checked the date - it was from last week, when the episode aired.
So #BecaEffinMitchell had only started because Posen hated her so much?
Why was that so fucking funny?
Posen had tried to insult her, to throw mud on her name, and the people who were Beca's fans used the hashtag to show their support?
Maybe there were people out there, like her, people that supported the way Beca lost control every once in a while.
Or liked the way that she was kind of a mess.
Or, maybe they just really hated Posen and thought they had an ally.
But Chloe didn't fit into that second category, the ones that hated Posen, so did that mean she supported Beca?
Well, she might have.
She probably didn't now.
Beca fought every urge to click on Chloe's name. She knew the redhead wouldn't be able to see that it was her that was looking through her Twitter, but it didn't feel right to stalk through the woman's posts.
Not after everything.
She couldn't think about that now, or ever. She didn't want to think about how Chloe was probably hurting because of her.
It would be too much, to see her upset.
So she went back to her music.
Beca woke up on Saturday feeling almost refreshed. Rehearsal had gone well yesterday, and Posen had approved of everybody's songs. Today, Liza Minelli would be here to hear what everyone was singing and give some notes.
Then, they'd have all Sunday and Monday to rehearse with a full band.
Tuesday, they'd be in the space, with Liza giving final notes. Posen mentioned something about them singing in a theater instead of House of Blues, so Beca was excited to see where they were going to perform.
The only issue was that, today, they were all supposed to sing a section of their song in front of Liza, in the pit. Carl had already moved his keyboard to where the ottoman used to sit, and the house was buzzing with people as everybody got their hair and makeup done.
So they would all be there, when Liza gave comments.
And it was going to be filmed.
They had probably told her that.
Somebody put Beca in her ripped skinny jeans and told her to tie a grey flannel around her waist. They gave her dark eyeliner and told her to wait in the living room, that somebody would tell her where to sit.
There were too many people in the first floor common areas for Beca's entrance to have any impact. Cameras were being set up, and PAs were yelling into headsets. Beca heard somebody say that Liza would be onsite in twenty, so she poured herself a glass of water and scrolled through her phone.
"Mitchell," somebody called, and Beca looked up. Hannah the PA was gesturing her towards the couch.
"You're going to be part of the group on the couch," she said, leading Beca over and angling her slightly away from the corner, on the leg of the U.
Hannah looked around surreptitiously, then she dropped her voice to a whisper.
"You'll be on camera the whole time," she said quietly. "They want you to have some weird reaction, so try to keep it neutral."
Beca thanked the PA as she took off. Stacie was already seated left of Beca, on the bottom of the U, and Ashley was on Beca's other side towards the front of the room. And Fat Amy was at the top of their side.
They put CR across from her, and Jessica was next to her.
No sign of Chloe yet.
Not that Beca noticed.
"Worst seat in the house," Stacie lamented loudly, and CR chuckled. "Do you think being a self-righteous bitch is contagious?"
Beca scoffed and shook her head, but she didn't respond.
She didn't need to get punched again, when there were cameras around.
Amy sighed loudly and gave a slight cough.
"Maybe," she said unevenly. "Maybe we could try to cool it?"
"It's fine," Beca responded before Stacie or anybody else could. She bit her tongue before another sarcastic line found its way out.
Stacie sucked in another breath to say something else, but the thought was cut off as a timid PA brought Chloe into the pit. They put her next to CR, on the bottom of the U, mirroring Stacie.
Beca went back to her phone as the women tried to make small talk. They brought Lilly in and put her between Beca and Ashley, which only shoved Beca closer to Stacie. The taller brunette groaned and rolled her eyes.
Flo was placed next to Jessica, and Emily went in between Chloe and CR.
With everyone set, Posen reappeared at the front of the pit.
"Okay, is everybody ready?" she lilted nervously. The women gave a half hearted response, and Posen gasped.
"I need you Idol-bitches to be ready!" she barked, and a slightly more enthusiastic murmur ran through the women. Posen patted her outfit - a sensible polo and pant combo that made the blonde look like she just stepped out of a magazine - and smiled tensely.
"This is our first real celebrity," she said. "Everyone will be polite and respectful. And you will all give 100%. Like my dad always says, 'Always give 100%, unless you're donating blood or getting a divorce.'"
"Babe, we've talked about your dad's quotes," Stacie said softly. "They don't make any sense."
"Of course they do," Posen replied, aghast.
"Not really, no," Amy butted in.
Posen gasped again, looking to Chloe for help.
"Chloe?"
Chloe looked up suddenly. Her eyes were unfocussed, and she blinked a couple times before taking a breath. She stammered out something vaguely affirming, then looked down again, studying her cuticles.
Holy shit, Beca thought. What's going on with Chloe?
It couldn't be because of her, could it?
Beca didn't have time to dwell, because somebody announced that Ms. Minelli was here, in the building, and Beca found herself sitting up straighter. The Broadway legend entered to enthusiastic applause, spearheaded by Posen.
"Ms. Minelli," she said reverently. "It's an honor!"
"Oh the honor's all mine!" Liza responded. "And please, it's Liza! I'm such a big fan of your work, Aubrey!"
Posen blushed deeply as one of Liza's assistants swooped past the celebrity towards the women in the pit.
"Hi," he said hurriedly. "A couple of ground rules. Liza will offer some of you a hug or a handshake, you are expected to accept. Try to hold eye contact if you can, but not when you sing. No questions or autographs until the cameras are off."
He leaned in conspiratorially to address only the contestants.
"I had a TV show host ask for an autograph in the middle of an interview once," he sighed. "Awful, just dreadful."
The women laughed nervously as the assistant pulled back.
"Liza's familiar with your performances so far," he went on. "She wants to see your personalities come through in your songs today. She won't be harsh, but she may say things you don't want to hear. Please remain respectful. She's a living legend; she knows what she's talking about."
"Okay!" he called over the women and the couch. "Are we ready, Liza?"
"Well I think so," she replied, then laughed. "But I'm not the one to ask. Aubrey? What do you think, should we start this thing?"
Beaming, Posen gave a succinct nod.
"Then let's get singing!"
After a little disclaimer that this session was only about song selection, Carl got to work introducing the acts as they stood to sing. Liza's assistant had been correct in saying that the celebrity would tell it like she saw it.
She had already told CR that She Used to Be Mine from Waitress wasn't "as spectacular as you are!" when Stacie got up. Carl introduced the song, but Beca didn't recognize it.
Carl started playing hard chords, and Stacie started to sway her hips.
I've got a sweeth tooth
for licorice drops and jelly roll.
Hey, sugar daddy,
Hansel needs some sugar in his bowl.
Liza squealed and immediately spun around the couch.
"Is this allowed?" she asked Posen, and the blonde judge shrugged.
"If you think so," she replied. "Hedwig is a female persona, but it's up to you."
Stacie went on undeterred. She dropped to her hands and knees and began to crawl across the floor towards Liza, who screamed and cheered with everyone else.
I'll lay out fine China on the linen
and polish up the chrome.
If you've got some sugar for me,
sugar daddy, bring it home!
She laid herself on the couch next to Liza, twisting and turning, giving the celebrity a full show without actually laying on top of her. Even Beca laughed and clapped as Stacie continued to perform.
Black strap molasses,
you're my orange blossom honey bear.
Bring me Versace blue jeans,
black designer underwear.
The brunette made her way back towards the piano and began to hang against Carl.
We'll dress up like the disco, dancing,
jet set in Milan and Rome.
If you've got some sugar for me,
sugar daddy, bring it home!
"Okay, okay!" Liza protested as she laughed. "Stop, Miss Conrad! I'm not sure we can take it!"
Carl stopped playing, and Stacie smiled as she fixed her hair. She flipped it over her shoulder before turning to Liza.
"You know your brand, honey, I'll give you that!" the celebrity laughed. "You're outrageous! And you're very sexy."
Stacie poo-poo'd the compliment as the other women laughed and whistled.
"And you can sing. There's no kidding around," Liza went on. "That voice, it's on. It's on pitch, and it's strong. You could win this thing."
Stacie gave a demure yet determined nod.
"I'll do whoever it takes," she said solemnly.
"Do you mean 'whatever it takes'?" Liza laughed.
"I'll do that too."
Everybody laughed as Liza waved Stacie out of the spotlight. She resumed her seat next to the celebrity, and Liza pulled her into a half hug.
"Well, we have three more," Carl sighed, obviously a little distraught.
"Chloe, you want to come sing your song?"
The redhead agreed, slowly stepping into place. The women tried to hype her up, but Chloe wouldn't take her eyes off her socked feet.
Carl switched the keyboard to a crunchy synth noise as Chloe started to sing.
Women have been making bad choices
since the beginning of time.
Are you going to be another one of mine? Oh.
Chloe looked up finally, eyes shining with tears, and looked towards the back of the room as she got into the rhythm of the song.
Used to think you were from outer space.
Who's that bright-eyed guy at your place?
You're kinda cute when you're not so shy, wow.
Carl started in with a rounder synth, running the notes like the original song, as Chloe closed her eyes.
But I've been here before.
Have I come back for more?
Another chapter in the history of wrong guys.
You used to be so "eh,"
a limp lackluster bore.
But now you're turning into something I just can't ignore.
The beat picked up as Carl started playing bright, repeating chords. Beca was lost in the song, caught in the harsh rawness of Chloe's heartbroken performance.
Had she done that?
Was Chloe singing about her?
She glanced a look at Liza Minelli, and the celebrity had her hand clasped to her chest. She was just as enthralled as they were.
Chloe continued to belt out the lyrics.
Charlie, honestly,
I've been hurt like this before.
Is there really more to you than
what I always thought?
How can you surprise me anymore?
More?
More?
Carl resolved the chord as Chloe brought the chorus to its close with a little gasp. The room exploded into applause as Chloe's gaze fell back down to the floor.
The clapping faded, and Liza still hadn't said anything. She leaned against Stacie as she got up from the deep couch, walking up to Chloe.
"That was wonderful, dear," she said softly. She grabbed Chloe's hands and lifted them, and Chloe's gaze rose to meet Liza's. Beca could see there were a few tears running down her face, and she looked away.
"You're incredibly talented," Liza continued. "But you've lost your sparkle, that little twinkle in your eye. Your happiness. I'd hate to see the person who took it."
Beca heard Stacie bark out laugh loudly next to her, and she looked over to see Posen clamp a hand onto the taller brunette's shoulder. Stacie was trying to kill her with a glare, and Beca wondered if Liza was looking, but she didn't dare glance over to check.
Cheeks red, Beca re-adjusted her gaze on her phone in her lap.
Liza told Chloe that the song was perfect for her and, after giving her a small hug and a few more encouraging remarks, the celebrity let Chloe help her back to their seats.
Thoughts rushed through Beca's head as Emily sang to Carl's guitar accompaniment. It was something she didn't recognize - So Big, So Small from Dear Evan Hansen.
She still had to perform.
And she was singing something kind of stupid.
And Chloe was singing about her.
And Chloe thought she was a mistake.
Fuck, how had she screwed this up so royally? It was clear, now, that Chloe really did like her, or the redhead was the best actress of their generation.
No. The feelings were real, somehow, and not contrived or manipulated by the show.
Beca was such a fuck-up. She should've just asked, just talked to Chloe before running off with her assumptions. They had bonded in such a real way, but on the show - from what little Beca had seen, anyway - it didn't look authentic.
Beca couldn't believe it then, but she could now.
Carl called her up and introduced the song, and Beca gave it her best. The simple, sarcastic melody started, and Beca was barely through the first two lines before Liza stopped her.
"No, no, no," she said, and Beca sighed.
She was annoyed, but she wasn't surprised.
"I've seen you power through Sondheim," Liza chastised. "I'm not letting you sing Hammerstein."
"Yeah, okay," Beca relented to the floor, and she heard Liza laugh.
"Pick something true, something that resonates with you!" the celebrity pushed, and Beca chanced a look up. Chloe wasn't looking at her, choosing instead to keep her eyes down, so Beca was able to focus on Ms. Minelli as the celebrity spoke.
"It seemed to me, when I was growing up, in the turmoil of growing up, that I could always find a song that explained to me how I felt," Liza explained. "Something that made me feel better, and that said it so much better than I could ever say it. You need to find one of those."
"What if I don't want to feel better?" Beca countered, and Liza laughed again.
"Well then find something as hopeless as you are!"
Beca felt herself smile as the other contestants and crew gave a polite laugh.
"I will be back on Tuesday, you know," Liza said to Beca, but then she stood again and addressed the group. "I'll be back Tuesday, and I expect to see more, to feel more than I did today. Don't let me down, okay?"
The women agreed, and Beca went straight back into her room. She felt her eyes burning with unspilled tears, which she blinked back.
Stupid, it was all so stupid.
There was a knock on her door, and Beca groaned.
"Honestly? What, dude?" Beca screamed through the door. "What could you possibly want?"
"It's CR," a voice called back through. "Carl wants us out in the studio."
Beca groaned again and went to open the door. It wasn't until she opened it that she saw that it wasn't just CR, but Stacie too, and instead of letting Beca out, they forced her back in.
"Great," Beca said sarcastically. "Are you guys here to make me feel like shit again?"
"You'd deserve it," Stacie grumbled, but CR put a hand on the brunette's arm.
"We're here for Chloe, remember?"
Stacie rolled her eyes and looked at her nails.
"I wasn't lying," CR said first. "We really do need to go to the pool house."
"Let's go then," Beca replied as she tried to push past the pair, but Stacie stood in her path.
"Don't make me hit you again," she warned her.
"I'd hit back this time," Beca spat back, and Stacie scoffed.
"Like you could reach."
"Ladies! Damn, this is WWE!" CR cut in. "Cut the bullshit for a second!"
Stacie kept her glare levelled at Beca for a moment before Beca broke it, looking over to CR.
"What do you want?"
CR let out a long exhale. She looked at Stacie for help, but the tall brunette shook her head.
"This is your idea," she mumbled, but CR shook her head.
"No, no," she replied. "You came to me."
It was Stacie's turn to let out a breath now. She blew it up to the ceiling before looking back at Beca.
"We want you to apologize to Chloe," she said. "Not for you, and not to get back together or whatever, but for her. She's miserable."
"Yeah, and I'm a fucking bowl of sunshine with sprinkles," Beca shot back, sarcasm oozing out of every pore.
"At least she doesn't have to change her song. Again."
"That's not the point," CR cut in. "We need Chloe. Your surliness is expected. The show doesn't work if Chloe's sad."
Beca let out a sardonic laugh.
"I get it," she laughed. "I'm dispensable, but Chloe's important?"
"That's not what I said," CR tried, but Stacie stepped in.
"Get over yourself and apologize so Chloe can move on!" she seethed. "For her, for us, and for the show! For everyone except yourself."
"Fine!" Beca shot back. "Fucking fine, I'll apologize!"
"After we go pick new songs," CR said. She turned to Stacie. "I'll make sure she goes to Chlo's room."
"No need," Stacie countered as she stared Beca down. "We'll be in the pit."
CR sighed, defeated.
"Alright," she agreed, then she gestured to Beca. "Come on, let's go."
Carl convinced CR to sing Satisfied from Hamilton, only because she actually could, unlike Jessica who had tried to pick it first. And when Beca couldn't decide on anything, he set up a playlist on Beca's Spotify for her to pick from. They were all songs the band could already play, and some of them fit Minelli's comments to her, Carl said.
She walked out of the pool house still upset, so when she remembered she was supposed to apologize to Chloe right that very moment, her mind went blank.
She didn't know what to say.
There was too much to apologize for, and some of it that she hadn't even figured out yet, and suddenly she was standing right in front of her.
Chloe and Stacie were sitting at the table as Beca and CR came in. Chloe looked up, then dropped her gaze again when she saw it was Beca.
Beca cleared her throat, and the blue eyes popped up again. Swollen, like she'd been crying, but still bright.
Duller, a bit, though, somehow.
"Chloe? Can I talk to you?" Beca asked, her voice distant from her own ears. It sounded small and weak, and Beca tried to clear her throat again.
Chloe glanced at Stacie, who rolled her eyes but nodded.
"Go ahead," Chloe replied, and Beca looked around. Katherine, Emily, and Flo were in the pit, and Jessica was chopping up fruit in the kitchen.
The cameras and crew had cleared out, at least.
"Right here?" Beca confirmed, and Chloe nodded. Beca sucked in a deep breath and nodded.
"Okay, sure," she started. "I'm, uh, I'm sorry."
The stale apology hung in air as everyone tried to go about their business and pretend they weren't listening.
"Sorry for what?" Chloe countered, and Beca blanched.
"I'm sorry that we fought," she stammered. "I was mad, and I overreacted last week. This show just makes me crazy, and I-"
"Seriously?"
Beca stopped and met the redhead's eye.
"You think I'm mad because you yelled at me over jewelry?"
"No," Beca tried. "I know-"
"No, you don't," Chloe replied sharply. "You think you know but you don't."
The redhead took a deep breath, looking away, then back to Beca with tears in her eyes.
"You push away anyone that could possibly care about you," she sighed. "Why is that?"
Beca looked away, blinking wildly. Everyone was quiet now, listening to the conversation, not even pretending to do anything else.
"I don't know," Beca whispered toward the stairwell.
She couldn't even look at Chloe.
God, this fucking show!
"Well, you better figure it out," Chloe replied, standing and walking towards the stairs. "Because I'm done with - with whatever this is."
"Chloe-"
"I'm done!" she called as she started up the stairs, Stacie hot on her tail. The leggy brunette turned once to glare at Beca before calling out for her friend as she followed her.
"God damnit!" Beca cursed under her breath. She wiped her eyes haphazardly with both hands, scrubbing her face before moving to cross the room towards her suite.
"Beca, wait," somebody called after her, and in her confused state, Beca actually turned to see who it was. Katherine was moving through the dining space to her, a hand out to grab the brunette's arm.
"Walk with me," the older woman said, and after a moment, Beca obliged.
Anything was better than going into her room and sobbing.
Katherine led Beca outside, through the backyard in the chilly night air and back into the pool house. The smaller brunette stood helplessly in the entryway until Katherine ushered her into the kitchen and sat her down at the island.
Katherine stood on the other side and stared at her until Beca looked up.
"What was that?" she asked.
"I don't know!" Beca cried as tears fell down her cheeks. "They told me to apologize, and I just- just-"
"Beca, breathe," Ms. Junk replied, and Beca took a shaky breath. She tried to even it out as Katherine watched her.
The older woman's face fell as she sighed.
"That wasn't right," Ms. Junk said softly.
Beca only hiccuped in response, and Katherine turned around to get her a glass of water.
She started to talk to Beca again as she rummaged around the cabinets, looking for a cup.
"Chloe deserved more than that, and you know that. She deserves a real apology, not one that's fake or incomplete. She needs to hear that you're sorry, really sorry. It can't be half-assed."
Self-deprecatingly, Beca laughed.
"Oh, I definitely full-assed it," she said, and Katherine frowned at her. Beca didn't stop though.
"I'm such a loser," she moaned. "I screwed it all up, like I always do. Like I always have. I just keep messing up all the good things-"
"Stop," Katherine cut her off, slamming the glass of water down in front of her. "That's your problem, right there."
Beca looked up through her tears. Katherine looked like she was going to keep going, so Beca pulled the glass of water towards her and took a big drink.
"You need to take ownership of your actions without making yourself the bad guy," Katherine said. "You're victimizing yourself. You need to stop being so self-deprecating. You're not seeing the bigger picture. If you keep thinking of yourself as the victim, you're never going to be able to fix this."
"And that is what you want, right? To fix this?"
Beca shrugged, and Katherine sighed.
"Well, then I agree with Miss Beale," she said simply. "Figure it out."
She turned to leave Beca there in the pool house to think about what she said, then turned around.
"Also, if you make it through tomorrow, you're helping my daughter with her song," she said. "She might be the only one who can help you get back on your feet."
Beca sighed and nodded. She'd do whatever to figure out this mess.
But not right now.
Because right now, she needed a new song, and that might actually be something she could do.
She clicked on the playlist that Carl had set up for her, clicking through the songs until the room was filled with jazzy piano. It was one she knew, but she hadn't heard it in a long time, and she moved over to the piano to play along as she sang.
That's the one.
Not a loser anymore,
like the last time or the time before.
Beca swayed as the pianist ran the keys up, then back down to the chorus. She stared into the bright lights of the theater - The Los Angeles Theater, an institution in the LA musical theater.
If only her mom could see her, singing her guts out on this illustrious stage, for Broadway legend Liza Minelli.
She didn't even have to check if Liza was happy with the selection.
The song was right; she could feel it.
Everybody loves a winner,
so nobody loved me.
'Lady Peaceful,' 'Lady Happy,'
that's what I long to be.
Well all the odds are,
they're in my favor.
Something's bound to begin.
It's gonna happen, happen sometime.
Maybe this time, I'll win.
Beca ran the chorus again, louder and more unhinged, and the band went with her. She crashed through the last lines, hitting the strain in her voice, and then the auditorium fell silent.
Except for one lone set of claps.
"Now that!" Liza called. "That is the right pick! I couldn't have sang it better myself, and I did!"
Beca laughed into her mic, said thanks, and exited the stage.
She didn't bother going into the audience or lobby with the rest of the contestants and crew.
Nobody was talking to her anyway.
Thankfully, old theaters were full of nooks and crannies to hide in, and Beca waited out the rest of the rehearsal day in a small room above and off stage right, in blissful solitude. She sent Plaza another pair of mixes and then just sat, listening to her songs, letting herself rest.
At least she had done one thing right.
She rode back to the house with Amy, who tried to talk to her about the theatrics of her performance. Apparently, Amy was going to do her performance of Gumbie Cat in full cat costume and makeup, from the paws all the way to the asshole.
"That's a choice," Beca laughed.
"What can I say, I'm committed to my craft," Amy replied. "I'm just glad they're letting me perform my art."
On show day, dressed in the outfit Chloe and Hannah had picked out for her nearly ten days ago (grey jeans and a black thermal), Beca cheered with everyone else as Liza Minelli performed.
Then she sang with her group at the top of the show, narrowly avoiding Stacie as the woman nearly stepped on her to steal their group's solo during Mama I'm A Big Girl Now!
The audience clapped, but they obviously weren't totally into it.
The song was a little weird for a group of full-grown women to sing, but whatever, it wasn't their choice.
She followed the other contestants to sit onstage this time, not hidden backstage while the other women performed. Jesse had said that two people were going home and wouldn't be able to perform, and Beca started to feel her typical nervousness under the bright lights.
Chloe went through first, then Emily was selected and sang. Ashley sang so well she could've put Idina to shame, and Jessica rocked Roxie better than Renee.
Then Amy, in her crazy cat outfit.
CR went up next and, with a little help from a band chorus and the audience, she had the whole auditorium on their feet.
They even let a woman sing Alexander's parts, which Beca thought was respectful.
Then Jesse came back onstage, and Beca realized with a start that it was just her, Stacie, Flo, and Lilly now.
She was in the bottom four.
She could go home.
It didn't seem like a real possibility before this moment, what with all the drama, but all of the sudden Beca was sweating.
Maybe she was too pitchy last week.
Maybe enough people got mad at her for how she treated Chloe and didn't vote for her.
Maybe she was too much of an asshole-
No.
She wasn't going to let herself spiral into self-deprecation.
If they let her through, if people voted for her, she'd do her best.
If they didn't, she'd figure it out.
"In no particular order," Jesse said dramatically. "The next performer, who will move on to the next week of the competition, and another week of your votes…"
Jesse smiled broadly as he read the card.
"Beca Effin' Mitchell!"
God, k. Songs first.
Chleo sings History of Wrong Guys from Kinky Boots, Stacie sings Sugar Daddy from Hedwig and the Angry Inch. Jessica sang Roxie from Chicago, CR sang She Used to Be Mine from Waitress then Satisfied from Hamilton. Emily sang So Big/So Small from Dear Evan Hansen. Flo was gonna sing I Feel Pretty, and I honestly didn't even pick a song for Lilly. Ashely sang Wicked songs. Beca tried Life Upon the Wicked Stage from Show Boat then Maybe This Time from Company.
Anna Kendrick performed Life Upon the Wicked Stage at the Tonys (?) when she was like 12? Google it. It's nuts.
And Sally Bowles was performed in filmed by Liza Minelli, which was Company, which was Maybe This Time.
Uh, okay.
The whole apology/argument was from a Pitch Perfect scene between Beca and Jesse.
And Liza first said her Stacie comments in an interview with Fallon about Lady Gaga, which felt appropriate for Stacie. The comments about song choice were in an 80s interview right after she got out of rehab. I was going to play into the mother stuff with Liza but ran out of words.
Anyway.
Kinda a filler chapter, but I'm trying to get Beca to a point where she can be reasonable.
And before you get mad, Beca would never sing Steps of the Palace. She would barely sing Life Upon the Wicked Stage, okay? So just chill.
Literally none of you have been mad at me yet.
I have no idea why you would start now.
But if you were going to, don't! I'm right and you know it!
Okay thanks bye.