Disclaimer: All wizards, Muggles, magical creatures, magical places, and everything else out of the Harry Potter series was created and is owned by J.K. Rowling. I claim no ownership of any of the series' content, and I am making no profit in the writing of this fan fiction. Flinky the House-Elf is my only creation.
Hello everyone! This is the final edited chapter of And Thou Shalt Be First. All future updates will be new content…yay! However, updates will probably be slow as I have many real-life commitments to attend to, so I thank you in advance for your patience!
As stated previously, I've reread the first eight chapters of this story and rewritten a lot of it to match up better with canon. (However, this is still AU since several characters are still alive.) This was originally the second half of the previous chapter, but I didn't like the sudden break…so now they are two separate chapters.
If you haven't already done so, you'll need to go back to the beginning of this story. I think you'll like this updated version of And Thou Shalt Be First. As always, any reviews are appreciated.
saiyanwizard
Chapter 10: Nightmares
Albus could vaguely hear the sound of frantic rustling. It took the headmaster several moments to figure out where he was. For one, it was rather dark; not quite night, for there was still light peeking through the cracks in the curtains, but the sun was probably well on its way to setting by now. Secondly, his half-moon spectacles were askew and his Transfigurations text lay precariously atop his knee. Straightening his glasses, he waved his hand toward the glowing embers in front of him and they sprang to life once more. After he rescued his book and marked the page before closing it, Albus looked over his shoulder to determine the source of the noise that had roused him. Across the cabin, the Potions Master was breathing heavily and tossing violently in a myriad of bed sheets. Not good.
Trying not to panic, the headmaster rose from his place on the sofa and carefully made his way to the other wizard's side. He hesitated, not wanting to frighten the already-distraught wizard, before placing his hand on a trembling shoulder. "Severus?" he inquired softly.
Wrong move. The younger wizard's panic intensified as he pushed the hand away. He curled in on himself and tried to escape from Albus' reach, lashing out in self-defense. "No…" he whimpered. "No…please…my Lord, I have…I have been faithful…." The older wizard had to dodge several arms and elbows but was unfortunately hit in the jaw. Rubbing his chin, he tried again to untangle Severus from the sheets. "Severus." Another flurry of arms. Somehow, the headmaster managed to grab him by the shoulders. "Severus!" he said loudly. "He's not here! He cannot hurt you!"
That triggered something. The younger wizard's eyes snapped open, unseeing and glazed over. He inhaled gulps of air as he panted and shook. It took him a few moments before he recognized the headmaster, who removed his hands as soon as he saw the black orbs register his presence. "Albus," he whispered, his chest heaving to restore oxygen to his lungs. He let out another shaky exhale before closing his eyes and curling up on his side, his back to the headmaster.
Confident that the younger wizard would no longer lash out, Albus placed a gentle hand on the trembling shoulder and slowly ran it up and down in a comforting gesture. He was grateful when Severus did not pull away. Slowly, the younger wizard's breathing returned to normal, and all that was left in the wake of it incident was an exhausted tangle of limbs. "Thank you," breathed Severus softly.
"What happened?" asked Albus. He moved his hand to the younger wizard's back and began rubbing calming circles between his shoulder blades.
Severus swallowed hard but did not respond. It seemed as if just breathing was requiring all of his effort. The headmaster was content to wait as long as necessary as half-closed eyes continued to stare hollowly at the wall. He was even willing to forgo an answer tonight, the younger wizard looked so knackered.
When Severus' reply eventually came, Albus almost missed it. "It was a meeting with the inner circle," he breathed.
The headmaster hummed in recognition but made no indication that Severus was required to continue. Even so, it seemed that the younger wizard was willing to open up a bit more tonight. "Something…must have gone wrong."
"I take it you were found out?" asked Albus.
Severus nodded.
"And he was torturing you?"
The younger wizard sighed. "Not yet," he rasped.
The headmaster continued to rub Severus' back sympathetically. He knew from the past that Voldemort enjoyed using the Cruciatus Curse for sport. Whether his victims were Muggles, blood traitors, or his own followers, eliciting screams from raw throats and writhing bodies was the Dark Lord's sick pleasure. The more his victims fought to remain silent, the greater the gratification was when they finally broke. As a result, Severus was one of Voldemort's favorites in his game of torment.
"She was there," said the younger wizard suddenly. He seemed more awake now.
Albus stayed his hand. "Who?" he asked.
Severus did not answer directly. "She has not appeared in my dreams in years," he continued softly. "She was outside the circle. Just watching, silently judging. But at least she was alive…."
Ah, of course. Lily. The headmaster sighed. "She could not have been there, Severus."
At that, the younger wizard shut his eyes. The grief he had been carrying for the past seventeen years seemed for a moment to be just as fresh as when Lily Potter had died on that Halloween night. "I know," he replied bitterly. Mustering his remaining strength, he pushed himself up into a sitting position. "I know," he repeated.
Both wizards were silent for several moments. The only sound that filled the cabin was the crackling of the flames in the hearth. "I need a shower," said Severus suddenly. Without waiting for commentary, the younger wizard swung his legs over the edge of the bed and made his way across the cabin to the door that hid the bathroom.
As the door shut and the faucets began to run, Albus also rose from the bed. With a wave of his wand, the bed sheets were whisked off to laundry room and replaced with new ones. A second wave over himself cleaned off the day's toil—it was not as enjoyable as showering, but it was efficient—and changed his work robes into pyjamas and a dressing gown. Satisfied with the results, the headmaster called out, "Flinky?"
"Yes, Headmaster Albus?" replied the house-elf as she appeared in front of the fireplace.
"Could you bring us some tea and sandwiches from the kitchens?" he asked kindly. "Enough for three people, as I believe Minerva will be down shortly."
"Of course, Headmaster Albus," said Flinky with a curtsey. She disappeared with a small pop.
The headmaster settled himself on the sofa in front of the fireplace. Just as he heard the shower turn off, Flinky reappeared with a large tea tray of cups and finger sandwiches. "Will this be enough, Headmaster Albus?" she asked as she placed the tray on the small coffee table.
"Oh yes, Flinky," replied the headmaster warmly. "This is wonderful, thank you."
"Please call if you need anything else," the house-elf said politely before disappearing once again.
Albus looked to the bathroom door, which was still shut. Assuming that Severus would not reappear for awhile, the headmaster decided to tuck in to the tea and sandwiches. He had taken a light lunch at his desk amongst all his mail and was, in fact, quite famished. Severus will probably refuse to eat, mused Albus thoughtfully.
The headmaster was on his third finger sandwich when the bathroom door finally creaked open to reveal Severus, clad in pyjamas and a dressing gown. He paused when he saw Albus. "What are you doing?" he asked tiredly.
"I have not eaten since lunch and was feeling rather peckish," replied the headmaster cheerfully. "Come join me."
"I'm not hungry," Severus deadpanned.
"Then keep me company," said Albus. "I will not force you to eat."
The younger wizard narrowed his eyes. "Who are you, and what have you done with Albus Dumbledore?"
The headmaster chuckled. "You have been eating more regularly recently, so you will be all right if you decide to forgo one meal," he replied. "But do not hesitate to help yourself if you change your mind."
Albus continued eating as Severus hovered in front of the bathroom door. The younger wizard glanced over at the newly-made bed, contemplating the odds of being able to fall asleep again. Deciding his chances were very slim, Severus shuffled over to the sofa. He resisted the urge to flop down unceremoniously and instead slowly sank into the cushions, slouching as he did so.
The headmaster glanced over at the younger wizard contemplatively. "Do you always leave your hair sopping wet after you shower?" he asked after swallowing his bite of sandwich.
Severus attempted to glare but did not quite muster up the energy to look threatening. "I'll never get it to lie flat if I spell-dry it," he replied, refocusing his attention to the fireplace.
Albus continued to appraise him thoughtfully as he finished off the last of his current sandwich. He brushed his fingers off on a cloth napkin and picked up his teacup before taking a long sip. Replacing it on its saucer, he rose from the sofa. Walking around behind it, he reached out a hand to wandlessly summon a towel from the bathroom. "Sit up for me, Severus."
"Why?" asked the younger wizard tiredly.
Albus tapped him on the shoulder. "Humor me, my boy."
With a sigh, Severus leaned forward so he could push himself up into a more proper sitting position. The headmaster draped the towel over the younger wizard's shoulders. "What are you doing?" asked Severus, looking over his left shoulder.
"Just relax," replied Albus kindly, grabbing the ends of the towel. "And look forward, please."
Once the younger wizard had complied with the request, the headmaster brought the left side of the towel to Severus' dripping hair. With the right side, he began to gently dry the black locks. Albus felt rather than heard Severus exhale deeply in contentment. The younger wizard's head started to dip heavily into the headmaster's left hand as he relaxed. When the right side was dry, Albus gently shifted his hands to begin drying the left side. He wondered briefly if Severus' mother had ever done this for him when he was a child.
"Much better," concluded the headmaster when he had finished. The younger wizard's hair was still a bit wet, but it was no longer dripping with water as it had been before. Albus flattened out a few wayward strands before sending the towel back into the bathroom, where it hung itself out to dry. He rounded the sofa and reclaimed his seat, studying Severus' demeanor. The younger wizard's eyes were half-open, staring blankly at the tea tray. Shoulders were hunched forward with the weight of all his cares. He looked like the epitome of exhaustion. "Would you prefer to turn in for the night?" asked the headmaster gently. It was still rather early—the sun had just gone down fully—but Severus would definitely benefit from more rest.
"It's my fault she died," said Severus soullessly.
It took Albus a second to understand the younger wizard. He sighed. "Voldemort is at fault for murdering Lily and James," he said sympathetically.
"But I am the one who directed him to them," continued Severus in the same broken tone. "He would have never gone after them—" he cleared his throat "—if I had not passed along the prophecy."
"You could not have known whom the prophecy was about," the headmaster reminded him. "And while you may have given part of it to Tom, he what the one who chose the Potters over the Longbottoms. In the end, it was his choice that sealed Lily and James' fate."
"There never would have been a choice to make if the Dark Lord had no information," the younger wizard insisted solemnly.
"Severus," said Albus sadly, "there were too many factors involved to know that for certain. Even if you had not divulged what you knew, Tom would have found another way to access that information. He had spies all throughout the Ministry."
The younger wizard gave no reply as he continued to stare blankly ahead. The headmaster could see tears welling up in Severus' eyes, and his heart clenched painfully. "Come here, my boy," he said softly. When the younger wizard showed no signs of comprehending the request, Albus moved down the sofa and closer to Severus. He placed a comforting arm around slumped shoulders and was relieved when Severus did not flinch or shift away. "You are not the only wizard ever to have made a grave mistake," murmured the headmaster. "Be glad that you learned from it before it was too late."
Severus exhaled humorlessly. "I doubt you've made a worse mistake."
Albus sighed. "I have definitely made worse mistakes."
"Worse than killing the person you love most?" asked the younger wizard brokenly.
"Oh yes, far worse," murmured the headmaster. He paused for a moment before adding, "I let him live."
If Albus' response had intrigued Severus, he did not let it show. Both wizards stared into the fireplace, seemingly unwilling to break the sorrowful silence that had befallen the cabin. It was only when a slight shiver ran up the younger wizard's spine that the headmaster spoke. "Let me guard your sleep for tonight, Severus."
The only response Albus received was the younger wizard's head lowering to gently rest on his shoulder. The headmaster smiled fondly as tired eyelids fluttered closed. He would move Severus to the bed once he warmed up a bit.