A/N: A little more in the background again, trying to give some BTS of what I believe went on in their minds or in the cut scenes of their lives in the show. I hope this chapter is okay for everyone and I really appreciate the feedback! I totally added some Mariska into this chapter with the Hamilton reference, I have a feeling they'll be making Olivia as obsessed with it as Mariska is LOL. We will definitely get some more Cassidy and Tucker info, thinking about having Olivia meet with Edgar and have Elliot find out or something like that. I love fluff but also adore some angst! Let me know how you want this to continue and I'll try and work it in J Thanks again for reading!
As they exited Olivia's office, they fell in step, their shoulders bumping every other pace causing her to smile to herself. She guessed not that much had changed, even since the first year.
Olivia could recall the first time she noticed they were in sync, it had been about a year into their partnership. They were walking down the street, her carrying a folder full of their victims information and him smiling at her. They rounded a corner and she glanced down, left, right, bump, left, right, bump, their shoulders met every other step. Somehow her strides had increased in length and his had shortened, just enough that they matched perfectly. She couldn't get over the irony of it all, here he was, all brooding intensity, the perfect family man, and she was the exact opposite. They balanced each other so well it would make sense that their steps would also balance. Each touch of his jacket against hers caused a small jolt of electricity. They arrived at their sedan after the short walk and he rounded to the drivers side. It had been an unspoken rule that he would drive the majority of the time, he always kept the keys and she always kept the files. He leaned on the top of the car looking over at her, she smiled at him before opening her door. Olivia never would've thought Elliot was thinking how beautiful she looked with her hair swinging walking perfectly in sync beside him.
Elliot reached for the door to the back stairwell swinging it open for her as they began their descent, Olivia a stair and a half ahead of him. This gave him the opportunity to consider their plans for the night. Having tried to plan out their night mentally, he hadn't accounted for their almost intimate moment in her office. Sure, they hadn't even kissed yet, but he knew the moment their lips met he wouldn't be able to stop himself from pushing her further. His inability to control himself where she was concerned had started years and years ago. The first hint being when she was in the crosshairs of a stalking incident with Richard White, but more toxically when he had sacrificed the life of a child to tend to her injuries. He would never forget Ryan's body lying on the ground bleeding, but more to the front of his mind was the thought of Olivia bleeding out.
Elliot saw the flash of silver as the knife pierced the tender flesh of Olivia's throat. The ringing in his ears drowned out the foreign sound of his own voice screaming out her name. He shoved bystanders aside and pushed towards her body. He watched her head crack against the tile floor as her body bounced at the sudden force. Her fingers wrapped tightly around the side of her neck. His hands immediately reached for her neck to apply pressure. His mind fought his body, he needed to tell her, tell her now, how he felt. He had run out of time with her, she was going to die and never know how much she meant to him. She was going to be dead in a casket and no one would ever know that he loved her.
He felt like the life was draining from him as he approached her wrapping his fingers in her hair, "God, no!" He began to pull her into his lap, he could already picture the sight of her choking on her own blood as it filled her lungs. She wouldn't be able to talk, she might try and tell him she loved him too or to take care of himself when she was gone, but she would just spit blood. He'd seen people die from these kinds of injuries before and it was never pretty. He could picture the blood splattering across her beautiful cheeks, a trail running from the side of her blue lips as she lost the fight to blood and air loss. He would be there though, he would hold her through it. Maybe if he applied the correct amount of pressure he could momentarily pause the pumping of blood through her carotid artery. They had medics on site, on standby, for if they found the children today so maybe they'd be able to save her. Maybe he wouldn't have to say goodbye to her today.
"It's okay, I'm okay Where's Gitano? - Go Elliot go I'm fine!" He could see the blood pouring between her fingers, but she was talking, that had to be a good sign. He could felt her fingers from her other hand push him away, why was she pushing him away? She was hurt, he was here to save her, "GO!" She shouted again, finally he felt his body moving, through quicksand. Every molecule in his body was fighting to stay with her, to hold her and never let go, suddenly he recalled why they were here in the first place. He pulled his eyes from her face, still unable to believe she wasn't dead already.
When he found Ryan lying on the upper deck, blood pouring form his neck as he thought Olivia's would've been he felt the fight leave his body. Olivia didn't need him, she never needed him, and he lost a child because he was too weak a man to leave her in any type of danger. He saw her approach Fin, who saw the blood seeping through the crevices of her fingers and applied a napkin and some pressure. He still couldn't breathe. He needed to get out of there.
Upon the captain's insistence after seeing how Elliot had reacted towards Olivia, Elliot arrived in Huang's office. "You had to choose between saving the little boy or saving Olivia." Huang stated matter of fact-ly, as if he wasn't informed of the case at all. He should know that he didn't choose between saving Olivia and the boy, Olivia was alive and the boy was dead and he didn't contribute anything to either of them.
"Yeah, but she didn't need me."
"You didn't know that." Huang rationalized. Elliot couldn't think straight, she was the reason he couldn't sleep at night as it is, and after this ordeal he'd never be able to let her out of his sight again. While the anger had taken the forefront of his mind, he still felt such relief that Olivia hadn't been the one to bleed out today and that thought alone made him feel immeasurable guilt.
"I wish I didn't…" He nearly said the words, for the first time in his life, about Olivia. He loved her. He would never have forgiven himself if she had died on his watch. He would never forgive himself if she died at all. He couldn't think about her death, about how she would be mourned by only a handful of people no matter how many lives she had saved or fixed or gotten justice for. He and his squad, maybe a few miscellaneous friends here and there would come, but he, he would be the one alone to take on the burden of mourning her. She meant too much to him. He would never let her go again, he made up his mind that she would never be out of his sight again, and he would make sure that one day, soon, she would know the truth.
Elliot's flashback was broken by the rush of cool air that hit him as he followed her out into the evening air, outside the precinct. She turned back for the first time since they had started on the stairs and smiled back at him. Olivia paused allowing him to close the two steps difference between them and fall back into a comfortable rhythm of steps. He loved how one look and she could quench any anxiety inside him, the thought of the Gitano case was enough to cause an upset stomach and heightened sense of concern, but looking at her unknowing smile set him back in motion. He promised then and he promised again now, he had waited too long to tell her before, but he would tell her soon. He's almost lost her multiple times between Gitano and now and there would not be another opportunity before he could tell her. He would make sure of it.
He jogged a bit in front of her opening the passenger side door of his black SUV, she smirked, never would she have allowed Elliot to open the door for her on the job, or really, any other time either. His chivalry had always been reserved for Kathy, never Olivia, not that Olivia wanted it but it was sweet to see this side of him on display. She accepted his invitation into his car without any snide remarks, which was surprising to Elliot, he at least expected more of a look but was satisfied she was accepting of his chivalry. Elliot rounded the car and hopped into the driver's side, "Any requests for music?"
Olivia laughed, they'd listened to music only a few times on long stakeouts when they couldn't keep their eyes open and even then it had just been the radio. His newer car obviously had Bluetooth, and he was offering her his phone as he clicked his own seatbelt into place. She slid up on his lock screen to see a photo of a grown up Eli in a football jersey. She smiled to herself before clicking his Spotify app. She could see from his recommended that he was a classic rock kind of guy, which she assumed. She opted for a classic rock radio station that he had in his recent playlist, instead of something that might raise his eyebrows. "Oh come on, pick something you actually like!" he joked as he pulled off into traffic.
"I do like this!" She responded enthusiastically.
"Yeah, but this is a safe station, pick something you and Noah listen to! I want to know more about you Liv." He glanced over at her smiling, she smiled back and went to his search bar. 'Hamilton' she typed in, smiling the whole time. She knew, not only from his past with her, but also from his time away that he hadn't kept up with the Broadway show lineup. Olivia on the otherhand had become enthralled with Hamilton. She used to see shows occasionally on dates or during childhood when there would be free tickets given to her mother by her college, but after Noah she had become a huge Broadway buff. The first song of the show took over the car and his eyes shot immediately to her.
"How does a bastard orphan, son of a whore" the music started and Elliot, caught off guard looked to her for an answer to her choice of whatever kind of music this was. Olivia laughed out loud, music to his ears he thought, "It's Hamilton the musical from Broadway! Noah and I listen to it on repeat." He joined in her laughter.
"Never pegged you for a musical kind of person, all those times on stakeouts you could've been culturing me with Broadway?"
"You never let me pick the music! And really I only became obsessed once I had Noah, but he absolutely loves Hamilton and we both know all the words to all the songs after seeing it so often." The image of Olivia and Noah dancing around her apartment singing Broadway show tunes was a sight he desperately wanted to see. This was not the same Olivia Benson he'd left all those years ago, she was much happier and full of such light and spirit. The thought brought him to make the impulsive decision of grabbing hold of her hand from where it sat perched on the edge of her knee. She looked up questioningly as the music drowned out in the background. He could feel his hand start to sweat, and he met her eyes briefly before turning back to the road. His fingers remained resting on the top of her hand for a brief moment before she twisted her own hand around on her knee. He thought she was trying to get his hand off so began to remove his, disheartened he began to move it back to the steering wheel when she grabbed hold of his and interlocked their fingers. His breath caught in his throat, he looked down to see their hands rested in the perfect center of his console, intertwined like they were meant to be all this time. His eyes drew up to hers and she stared intently at him, they could both feel the shift in their relationship, the new dynamic as well as the fire that ignited each time they touched. He smiled again at her before tearing his eyes from hers and refocusing back on the road. One thing was for sure, he needed to get them to his place quickly before he stopped driving all together and kissed her in the middle of the busy Manhattan street.
Olivia sat perfectly still, she couldn't believe she was holding hands with Elliot Stabler. They had held hands once before, during an undercover assignment at a sex club. They had interlocked fingers just as they were doing now, but in a much different context. Even then, she had felt the spark, she had seen the way he couldn't help but glance down at her immense cleavage that threatened to spill over the edge of her low cut strapless dress.
Deciding what to wear to a swingers club was surprisingly difficult. Olivia knew she needed to look provocative, but most of her 'slutty' dresses were long since disposed of or donated and the few she had held onto would force her to arrest herself. She had gained a bit of weight since her early thirties, causing her chest and backside to expand and would cause the already short dress to ride high on her thighs and low on her chest. She wanted to attract their perp, not go to jail for indecent exposure. Plus, Elliot was on this assignment with her meaning he'd have to see her dressed like that. She smirked thinking of Elliot seeing her body in that context. She knew he was attracted to her, he'd been unable to hide it on a couple of occasions in his face and chest as they flushed red, or when he was unable to look at her after a particular case when she'd had to dress like a blonde tourist. She hoped to get a similar reaction tonight, she knew he was still married but from what she'd heard from Kathy and Kathleen, Elliot was as close to moving out as he had been before Eli. Olivia scolded herself for even thinking of being any part of breaking up his family, but she also was looking forward to his reaction of seeing her dressed in something skimpy, she couldn't help it. She decided to enlist Melinda to help her find something to wear for the night.
"Try this one on!" Melinda insisted, handing Olivia a third dress, the first two had been too matronly according to Melinda. This one was a cheetah print strapless number, and while Olivia would never be caught dead in something so flashy, she figured her character might. She was going to a sex party after all. She grabbed the dress rolling her eyes and went to change. Melinda sat by the dressing room and waited. When Olivia stepped out she immediately rolled her eyes at Melinda's open mouth. "That's the one!" Melinda exaggerated, hands thrown out while looking her up and down, "It's not too short, it shows off your cleavage but not too much, and it fits you like a glove!"
"It's just not me though! I would never wear this, and plus what is Elliot going to think?"
"He's going to wish you all were married for real!" Melinda kidded back to her; Melinda had always been able to notice the underlying sexual tension and had called Olivia out on it a few times. She also knew Olivia's feelings on it and was well aware that she would never act on a single feeling while Elliot was married. Seeing the look on Olivia's face Melinda threw her hands up in defense laughing, "Listen I know you'd never do anything, doesn't mean you can't make him want you!" Olivia burst out laughing, looking at herself in the mirror. 'Yeah this would be the one' she thought.
Elliot was set to arrive at 8:30, the club didn't open until 9 and while they didn't want to be early, they also needed to scope out the scene. He had opted to pick her up, mentioning something about not wanting to appear suspicious arriving in two cars or her in a taxi. She was just putting the last few touches of makeup on her face when she heard her buzzer; he was early as always. She hadn't put her dress on yet and was only wearing her underwear and a robe so she ran over to the buzzer and told him to come on up. She set the stop in the door to prop it open before rushing back to her room to finish getting ready. Olivia had just put her earrings in when she heard him call for her from the living room.
"Give me 10 minutes!" She shouted back. She quickly yanked the dress from the hanger, undoing the clasp and zipper on the back of it before stepping into it. Olivia's dress was snug enough that she didn't need any bra for support, plus there was hardly any room for one as it was. Her chest had grown in recent months and though she appreciated it, she wasn't used to not being able to find a strapless bra that would hold her breasts up. As she struggled to pull the zipper from its low position just below the thong she had chosen she grunted almost falling.
Hearing a brief knocking at the bedroom door, Olivia froze holding her dress to her chest, the back fully open, "You ok in there?"
"Yeah!" She shouted back huffing as she once again couldn't get it to catch. If the dress hadn't been so tight she would've been able to turn it around, zip it, then fix it back into place. The odd angle of the zipper caused her to need another set of hands to hold the bottom hem down so it wouldn't bunch up as well, "Just trying to get this damn zipper to go up!"
"I can help." He stated as her breath hitched. If she could just get it up past her underwear it wouldn't be so bad, but it was a stubborn zipper and her ass had also increased in size causing the zipper to really need some force to be tugged up. Before she could respond she heard her bedroom doorknob click. She stood facing him, hair slightly over her eyes holding the top of the dress to her breasts, shock covering her features. He didn't blink as he moved towards her, like a hunter stalking his prey, he assessed her situation. "Turn around." He compelled in a gruff voice, she knew he had taken in where her hands were resting and subsequently pushing up her breasts more than needed. She complied, unable to refuse him. His breath caught in his chest when he saw the thin band of lace that trailed between her cheeks, partially exposed by the zip of her dress. Olivia closed her eyes unable to believe he was looking directly at her underwear and exposed back. She knew he would also be extremely aware that she was not wearing any type of bra for the night. She felt his hands brush against the skin at the base of her spine, then again, lower. Her hands began to tremble feeling his fingers grab hold of the zipper, in an obvious attempt not to touch her any more than necessary, he tried to tug the zipper without holding the hem of her dress. When he moved the zipper vertically, the lower hem of the dress came up with it lifting it high on her thighs. Olivia, out of shock dropped one hand from the top of her dress to try to tug the bottom of the dress back down into place, this caused the side of the dress to slip down, not exposing her top but giving a very heavy side breast view to Elliot. She heard a groan accidentally slip from his mouth before he could cover it with a cough. He quickly pulled the zipper the rest of the way up her back, the back of his hand brushed the newly clothed parts of her body as it passed, first her ass then lower back and then mid back. Her flesh burst with goosebumps as the newly in place zipper tugged roughly at her chest pulling her breasts into place. His fingers pushed her hair to the side of her neck, brushing the crux roughly with the pad of finger before he went to work on the tiny silver clasp that held the highest part of the dress together. Elliot's warm hands kept brushing her mid back as he fumbled with the tiny piece of hardware.
After what seemed like an eternity, he got it in place, "There" he said with a huff, obviously relieved to be finished with the torture. She immediately turned, and was surprised to see the deep flush on his face and neck. She knew his touch had effected her, but seeing it present on him made the hair on the back of her neck prickle. Quickly, she bent down grabbing her strappy heels she had chosen to go with the dress and sat down on the end of her bed to put them on.
Elliot still stood unmoving until Olivia finally whispered, "Thanks for the help." She guessed he was waiting on her to acknowledge his act, because as soon as the words left her mouth he was out of her bedroom. She took a little extra time putting on the heels, did a once over on her outfit in the mirror and grabbed her clutch.
"Ready to go?" She asked as she exited her bedroom. He was in the kitchen taking deep gulps of water out of a cup he had found in her cabinet.
"Yep." He hardly looked at her as they made their way to his car. She slipped inside realizing how short the dress was in the seated position, she tried to cover part of her upper thighs with her clutch, but it wasn't quite big enough to do much good. He slid into his seat and immediately she heard his breath hitch. She glanced over to see him directly staring at her exposed thigh. His eyes drew to hers after a minute of appraisal, a guilty look crossed his features briefly before heat overtook him again. His eyes again drifted down her body, having not looked at her fully clothed in the dress from the front yet. He paused longer, much longer, than necessary at her chest before he huffed and started the car. Olivia could see his side profile as he ran a hand down his face.
When they arrived they linked arms, almost as if they'd done this their whole lives. His steps matched hers perfectly, even in heels, and his fingers twisted her hand from its place at his elbow to interlock their fingers. As they approached the host stand she glanced up to see him staring down at her chest again. She smirked subtly thinking he must be thinking about her lack of bra, accentuated by the dress and fully exposed chest.
"Hi this is my wife Olivia and I'm Elliot."
Olivia smirked at the memory; she couldn't imagine what was going through his head that night. She was having plenty of impure thoughts herself especially seeing all the blatant displays of PDA, then once Cassandra separated him, she was worried the entire time that he was in trouble or that he might be enjoying himself a little too much. She was relieved after the undercover job when she found him looking at her more, it was like him knowing about her choices in underwear that night gave him the ability to see through her clothes, or at least imagine what was under her clothes.
Elliot's sudden voice broke her trance, "Do you remember when we went undercover at the swingers bar?" She was so caught off guard she nearly got whiplash from turning her head so quickly. How had he just read her mind? Heat flooded her face at the thought that she had somehow let it slip that she was thinking about that night. He laughed seeing her reaction, "You were thinking about it too?" He picked up their conjoined hands motioning towards them as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. "It was the only time I ever got to hold your hand." He clarified.
In all honesty, Elliot had thought about that case a lot over the past ten years. The fact he'd seen the type of underwear she wore, plus no bra was enough to cause multiple sleepless nights. He had also gotten to pretend she was his for two nights, and it lead to all kinds of confused feelings at the time.
She scoffed from her side of the car, "Yeah that was an interesting case."
Elliot forewent the normal blow off he would normally take and went for the throat, "Yeah and seeing the kind of underwear you had on was definitely making it difficult to concentrate during it." He laughed out loud at the shocked look in her face, her fingers pulled out of his hand and quickly smacked his shoulder. "Hey!" He shouted equally shocked at her response to his joke.
"Keep it up Stabler and that'll be the only time you ever see any of my underwear." She leaned closer to his ear, unsure where the boldness came from but willing to use it to her advantage, "And believe me, those were not an anomaly, that's just my everyday wear."
Elliot choked feeling her breath so close to his ear, tickling his neck followed by her words. Who would've thought Olivia Benson talked dirty. He gulped trying to contain his sudden arousal.
"Here!" He nearly shouted as they parked in his spot outside his building. He was thankful for the reprieve from the games they were playing. It was bordering on dangerous for him. He wasn't sure how much more he could take of their painful back and forth.
They approached his building; a wave of apprehension overwhelmed Elliot thinking of what his apartment might look like to her. Their steps fell in line again as they reached his stoop. He could recall the last time they sat together outside his old apartment, on a stoop just like this, where they cleared the air.
Elliot had been lying awake for the better part of the night going over the arguments he'd had with Olivia and the harsh words they'd thrown back and forth. He wished he could clear the air but he couldn't do it without risking losing her, yet again. His heart skipped a beat when he rolled to look at his alert on his cell, "Meet me downstairs… Liv" he looked at the time, 4:47 AM. Briefly, he thought of just asking her to come up, but that would seem like too much of a commitment. He knew the guts it took her to show up at his apartment after the fights they'd just gone through throughout the case and he also knew that she was well aware his sleeping schedule was mirroring hers. They had no schedule. He quickly pulled on a zip up hoodie and headed down to meet her.
He paused for a moment before opening the outer door of his building. He took in her ponytail with her now long hair. When he laid eyes on her after their long hiatus, he couldn't believe it was the same woman who left. Her hair had grown exponentially, her skin looked like it was glowing, she had these bangs that when they laid just right made her look like the perfect mix of sensual and youthful. She had grown into herself while she was away and had gained a bit of weight in all the right places. Her hips were more round, her chest was larger, and something about her personally was different. She had floated in with such mystery, he still wasn't sure where she'd been or what she'd been doing making him worry slightly, but she seemed so relaxed he too felt at peace. That is, until she opened her mouth. Seeing her after not knowing if she was safe or not had been such a relief that he forgot the rage that had built within him during their time apart. She left him. No word no phone call, nothing. And was out of state, with no protection, without him. As soon as the relief left, knowing she was okay, the rage resurfaced. Their first case together had been hell, and this one was no different. This time though, it was much more personal for him, the man was going through a custody battle over his only child and the wife was looking for anything to dirty him up. He felt the parallel as soon as he met Miles, and apparently so did Olivia. Having her know that he had failed yet again at saving his dying marriage, especially while she was gone doing God knows what wherever she went to, was enough to drive him into a rage. She too had been testy the whole case and never failed to hurl insults at him, though he felt he couldn't say much in return.
Olivia turned just as he pushed the door to his building open, and lifted a cup of coffee for him to take. The morning was chilly and the warmth of the cup helped keep the chill from his fingers. He watched her move the cup from her lips, a strange looking flower resting in the center of the slightly green liquid "Is that a flower in your cup?"
"It's tea" She halfheartedly chuckles as she holds on to the cup for warmth. Elliot had never once seen her drink any hot beverage aside from coffee. He knew her order like the back of his hand, yet here she sat more of a mystery than when she first left. He liked knowing what she ate, what she drank, it made him feel a sick sense of security that he alone could order for her. Now she sat with her floral tea, not drinking soda, she probably changed her breakfast order too, he didn't know her anymore. At least they were still on the same sleeping schedule now.
"You're serious about that aren't ya?" She ignored the question.
"I couldn't sleep."
"Me either." He took a deep swig of the hot beverage. It was just as he like it proving she still knew him far better than he knew her. It didn't seem fair to him that she should know all this inside information about him while he sat in the dark.
"Valerie Sennate wasn't raped. She was sleeping with a law firm investigator, she really put her husband through the ringer." His eyebrows lifted as he heard the truth he thought he'd known all along be told. He didn't feel any better though. He knew Olivia had believed her, trusted her, and yet another person had let her down.
"She died twenty minutes ago." Elliot chanced a glance in Olivia's direction. Shock and confusion crossed her features. Elliot could see the unshed tears hang precariously in her irises.
"She knew she was going to die and she still lied to my face." Her voice shook slightly at the betrayal.
"When love warps into hate, there's nothing you won't do." He paused, contemplating telling her or not. He didn't want her to know he had failed his marriage yet again, he was well aware Olivia was envious of his family and his 'perfect' life and he wanted to live up to her expectations no matter how misplaced. Admitting his divorce would just be another check on the list of things Olivia no longer believed in. It was sick, really, that he sat here getting a divorce and was more worried about how Olivia would take it than his children, afterall they'd seen it coming she hadn't. "That's why I signed the divorce papers, I didn't want Kathy to ever regret me."
"That's a step in the right direction, Elliot." He was taken aback by her response. He expected her to be shocked; surprised at least but instead she seemed to be encouraging this move. Never before had she encouraged their separations or talks of divorce, she'd always been the one cheerleading for their marriage and saving it for the kids. He never expected she would be supportive of their split. His family had been everything, it was his identity since he was 18 and found out about Maureen. Elliot's identity was solely depended on three things, his traditional Irish-catholic family, he was a cop, and he was Olivia's partner. His marriage was falling apart, and then he lost Olivia, now he had Olivia back but only partially. She had left him twice now and she wasn't the same since Gitano. He couldn't shake the feeling that she was just waiting for the other shoe to drop so she could abandon him again, this time for good.
"So, are we okay?" He sighed, he didn't know, he didn't feel okay he didn't feel secure in their relationship.
"I just need space to disagree with you so that I don't feel like it's going to cost me our partnership." This was the most honest he'd ever been with Olivia, he could say it without saying it, he needed her.
"You've never been gun-shy before." How did she not see that a lifetime had passed in her absence? She had disappeared without a trace and he'd been left to pick up the pieces. Did she not understand what she meant to him? Did she not see that he was struggling to stay a float before she left? Did she not care that she was his lifeline?
"Yeah well things change." And they had, he'd been so lonely he'd sought comfort in his then partner Dani Beck. It should've been Olivia, but it also shouldn't have been. He knew how he felt about her but he also knew her well enough to know she'd sooner risk her life than risk their partnership. Well that's how she felt before she left at least.
"Like you said, you're the longest relationship I've ever had with a man, who else would put up with me?" Anyone would be lucky to have her, he hated hearing her downgrade herself, but he couldn't outright say it. She wasn't his to comfort or reassure. He had to play the detached partner no matter how much he wanted to express how much she meant to him, that any mad who got to be near her should count their blessings. "You hungry?" She added after another sip of tea.
He had chanced a look over at her and watched as she swayed gently next to him. "I could go for a bite, who's buying?"
"Well, you are going through a divorce and you do have four children so I guess… you are." He smiled, maybe they would be alright. Maybe this was the step they needed, clearing the air a bit.
"That's what I thought." Her knee bumped his gently every few seconds as they sat in silence for a few more moments.
They ended up sitting in an all-night diner around 5 am. She ordered an egg white omelet with spinach and feta, no bacon and a side of cheese grits. He raised his eyebrows high at her order, he'd been right to think even her breakfast order had changed.
"So where were you anyway?" He finally asked. She hadn't been forthcoming with details before, maybe after clearing the air she would be more forthcoming.
"Oregon." She stated flatly, still swishing the flower around in her cup. She looked up to see his slight disappointment that she wasn't going to give him more information and must've taken pity on him. "I supposed it's safe to tell you now that they finally caught the actual guy. Porter had me with the wrong group all along. The FBI had some sort of intel that the eco group I was with was harboring a domestic terrorist, but turned out they were just hard for the cause." Porter, he catalogued that name for reference in the future. He didn't like the way she inflected his name and felt like he could pick up on some sort of body language change when she said it. He'd always been good at reading her which apparently hadn't changed. Olivia continued, "Ended up finding a serial child rapist and found a girl that was missing for years. Had to help him interview her so I didn't get anyone's message until after we finished that case or I would've come back sooner." The food was suddenly in front of them and Elliot watched as she picked through her omelet.
Their meal went on in comfortable silence, Elliot was cataloging all of her subtle changes, her hair was just the start. He could see the way she picked at her food that she was probably trying to diet again, and he saw her drink more water than normal. He was used to seeing her suck down a soda or two with a meal, and with breakfast it would've been a coffee and orange juice. This time it was just water and her long cold tea. They fell back in sync after their morning meal and their partnership took on a different air for a while drifting towards some inevitable finish, until Kathy's unexpected pregnancy disrupted them.
Elliot shook his head jarring him back to the present. That was probably one of the hardest times in his life and one of the more devastating periods for their partnership. He would rather not revisit it while on his way to discuss their long absence from each other's lives. Olivia looked over at him as he hit the button for the floor she assumed he lived on now. She was trying to read the sudden change in his expression, she was hoping it wasn't due to her crass statement in the car. She knew they were comfortable flirting from a distance, but now that some invisible line had been crossed by their physical contact and she wasn't quite sure what was off limits. She knew that she'd been the one to draw the invisible line they weren't supposed to cross during their first meeting, but she'd also been the one to initiate the last near intimate moment. Olivia wasn't one to take risks especially in her personal life, but with how many times she'd wanted something more with Elliot she wasn't sure how to deal with taking things 'slow'.
The elevator began moving and they found themselves leaning against the back wall, shoulder to shoulder, as they had hundreds of times throughout their partnership. Olivia felt the heat of his shoulder against hers and she desperately wanted to lean further into him. She wanted to feel him over her again, his hands digging into her flesh as his hot breath touched her lips and neck. Just thinking about him touching her was causing heat to pool in her lower belly. She glanced up at him just as he looked down at her, their eyes met and she could feel some sort of invisible string pull at them drawing their bodies closer. She took half a step into him and their bodies turned bringing their chests flush against each other again. Her hand instinctively made its way to his cheek and began to tug him closer to her lips. His eyes dipped and his tongue left his mouth to wet his lips in preparation. Just as Olivia could feel Elliot's breath touch her, the ding from the elevator startled them causing them to break all contact. Olivia jumped to the other side of the elevator; Elliot leaned back in his original position and cleared his throat. The doors opened and Elliot motioned for her to step out ahead of him. He placed a hand on her shoulder and guided her towards his apartment door. The fingertips touching her jacket were enough to send her ablaze again; she didn't know how she was supposed to make it through tonight without ripping her clothes off and throwing herself at him.
Elliot stepped in front of her and removed his key from his pants pocket to unlock the door. His mind was racing, he once again was flooded with anxiety at the state of his apartment, but as soon as he opened the door he was flooded with relief. His apartment smelled of fresh lemon and all the random messes he'd made were completely cleaned up. He sighed in relief, glancing over at Olivia who was taking in her surroundings. Olivia noted the clean space and smiled to herself, she figured he would get someone to come clean it, she'd briefly seen his last bachelor pad and it had been a hot mess. She smiled taking in his scantily decorated apartment. She saw a few photos littering the place, but other than that nothing was hanging on the walls, he had no plants or other signs of life. It saddened her a bit thinking of him coming home to this kind of apartment while she got to arrive at a vibrant, well decorate home full of life. The irony of the thought struck her, their lives had taken such different courses that they were nearly in the exact opposite situations than they were ten years ago. It used to be her, without a family, coming home to a bare apartment to sit in the dark while he got to go home to a loud crowded home full of life. She had been so used to the quiet that once she had Noah, the sounds were almost overwhelming, but she soon grew to love it. She couldn't imagine going back to arriving home to nothing and to silence, even now as they stood in his barren apartment she was getting waves of anxiety at the lack of noise. Sometimes she would long for a few moments of peace, even just for a few moments so she could think or read, but after standing here for mere moments, she longed for the noise that a nine year old brought to a home.
Elliot busied himself with removing his jacket, and motioned for hers if she wanted to remove it. She smiled over at him and took the white blazer off with care. Elliot's breath hitched, maybe he shouldn't have offered because seeing her bare arms in the sleeveless blouse was causing him to have trouble contracting his lungs. Her long arms had been on display before and he always enjoyed tracing his eyes over the expanse of freckles and moles that were dotted across her skin. He could tell she moisturized daily with how soft the skin looked and he felt if he looked long enough he could picture the expanse of skin connected to the junction of her shoulder. His fingers shook as he mounted the two jackets on the hooks provided by the previous tenants by the front door. "Want something to drink? I was thinking of ordering something from one of those meal services, maybe something different than Chinese since I just had it?" Olivia looked over at him as he nervously tried to accommodate her in his space. Her hair flipped a bit when she turned and it sent a little shockwave of air that was laced with her perfume towards him causing him nearly to choke again. He'd had his fair share of times she overwhelmed him, but his reaction since getting back in touch with her was nearing debilitating.
"Do you have any wine? If not I'll take a beer." Relieved that he'd at least gotten some beer during last week's grocery run he made his way to the fridge to get their drinks. She followed him, slower, taking in his new life. The apartment was set up so when you first walked through the front door the TV and couch were to your right and a hallway leading to a bedroom and bathroom were on the left. She rounded the back of his cheap couch that he'd obviously bought from an add online and approached the opposite side of the bar from him. He was bent over reaching for the beer that was held in the bottom drawer giving her a good look at his backside. His dress shirt stretched deliciously across the hard muscles he concealed beneath it. While she'd expected he would age significantly in their time apart, he'd gotten even stronger. His forearms had been a part of his body she had memorized his forearms from all the times in interrogation when he'd rolled up his sleeves, exposing his marine corps tattoo on prominent display while the muscle and veins bulged beneath the surface of his skin. She'd felt how powerful his hands were today on her hips and thighs, but she wanted to see the brute force of these thicker forearms in action, soon. His backside had also improved with age, she used to laugh at how he had probably a better ass than she did. Babbs Duffy had commented on it as well as many female (and male) perps.
Elliot turned back towards her and could see the light blush that had crept to her cheeks. He was frozen for a moment, looking at her breathing the same air as him in his newest home. He hoped this feeling never went away because seeing her like this, so relaxed in his home. She was sitting on his barstool arms crossed loosely against the counter resting her fingers gently on the faux granite, she was staring at him in such a different way than he was used to and though he enjoyed it, he wished he knew what she was thinking. He cracked open the bottle and slid it towards her. As he pulled a drink from the beer he figured he should use his new found honesty policy and just ask her, "What're you thinking about."
Olivia pulled a long drink from the bottle, the warm amber liquid already seeping into her veins as it ran down her throat. "Just thinking about Babbs Duffy." The beer nearly shot out of Elliot's mouth as he choked back his laughter. They both began to cackle at the sheer mention of the woman's name.
After catching his breath briefly he leaned his elbows on the counter getting down to Olivia's eye level, "You know, you never did tell me what kind of move she made on you."
Olivia took another chug of beer before continuing to laugh, "About the same move she made on you, but first she told me how you had a thing for me."
Elliot's eyes caught hers again with a playful glimmer, "It seems everyone knew I had a thing for you besides you." Her eyes became wide with his admission, but she didn't answer him. Her laughter had slowed down, "Even today at work I overheard some guys talking about us, about how we apparently used to be together. I'm glad at least the rumor mill hasn't changed much."
"Yeah that's one thing about the NYPD, they sure know how to spread gossip." She completely ignored his previous admission, tending towards the safer side trying to give him an out, he wasn't taking it though.
"You know I did have a thing for you back then though right?" She rolled her eyes trying to play it off again.
"No actually I didn't."
"Well I did."
"Well you were married."
"Only on paper, Liv." She paused, bottle just touching her lips. Was he really implying he wanted her while he was still married? "Liv, I made a pact with myself that if I was ever going to be back in your life I would be 100% honest with you. I've never been honest with you before, on this level, and I know you probably just want me to shut up so you can run from it, but I need you to understand a few things." He reached across the counter detangling her hands from their vice grip on her beer bottle. "I've wanted you pretty much since we became partners." If her eyes could widen any more they'd pop right out of her head. Her heart was racing yet again, this time she was actually afraid it might stop. She really should stop him, but she'd had this dream before and she believed this time she was ready to make it to the end. "I think it was first just a physical attraction, but when I saw your heart and how you dealt with victims I really started to feel something for you. I channeled it into an over protective big brother like complex and that worked for a while, but then Gitano happened." Both their fingers tightened at the sheer mention of his name. "and everything changed for me. I had convinced myself to talk to you, to tell you how I really felt about you, but then you were gone." Confusion laced with anger assaulted her features before he continued. "I know why you left, I'm not trying to rehash anything about that time. I just want you to know that that was when I knew. I knew that you were more to me than a friend or a partner or even family." His admission by admission was enough to cause her to pull at his fingers wanting more contact. He removed his hand from hers, cursing the counter that separated them and rounded the side of the bar to meet her on the other side. She pulled his fingers back to hers and he approached her seated form. She had swivvled the seat to meet him so he stood with his hips just barley touching her knees.
"That was when everything changed for me too." She couldn't believe they were really confessing this right now. All those years of uncertainty about how he felt, about how she felt, were all being laid in the open. They both had known it was more even all those years ago. Yes, they still had a lot of catching up to do after ten years, but this was enough truth for the time being. She stood, closing the already narrow distance between them, her hand immediately finding the side of his cheek coated in rough stubble. Her manicured nails scratched at it lightly as his eyes grew damp looking into her soul. She had given him so much throughout the years it was time he returned the favor. He leaned closer than he'd been not grabbing or even guiding, but resting his palm gently against her soft cheek. Their lips brushed with the slightest hint of uncertainty. He pulled back to look into her eyes again, but they'd closed and were resting gently. Her mouth had parted slightly at the touch of his lips and he was still close enough to feel the air as she exhaled hotly against his mouth. He pushed his luck and leaned in with slightly more pressure, testing the waters. Her lips were soft, almost too soft for his harsh lips, he wanted to pull back and apologize for subjecting her tender flesh to his rough skin. Instead, the hand that was on his cheek moved to the back of his neck and a tight pressure was applied pulling his lips more firmly against hers. Her fingernails dug into his course hair at the base of his skull and her mouth eagerly searched for his. He took a moment to catch up, but as soon as he did his fingers tangled in her hair.
Olivia had never felt something as tender and loving as the first time their lips brushed. She thought she'd felt heat and fire when he touched her body, but it was nothing compared to the arson his kiss did to her soul. She felt the weight of the last ten, no twenty, years lift from her shoulders. Her fingers pulled him closer, unable to get him to melt into her body enough, her mind had long since shut down and she was left to move on impulse alone. His hands finally left their tender place on her face and clenched, tangling in her hair bringing her closer than she could with her weak force. His one hand trailed down to her waist pulling her chest and hips against his suddenly. She gasped at the move causing a small sliver of her mouth to open. Elliot seized the opportunity to further the kiss and began to intermingle their tongues. The kiss grew in ferocity and his grip moved from her waist to her hip pulling their groins closer and fusing them even further into each other. His fingers would be leaving impressions in her flesh, but she also knew her nails would be leaving tiny crescent shaped scars at his neck and shoulder.
Before she knew what was happening the backs of Olivia's thighs hit the edge of the couch and she was falling. Elliot followed due to the sheer body weight that pulled on him, her fingers unrelenting on his shoulders now. He toppled on top of her and their kiss broke suddenly. Gathering her bearings the only thought that came to mind escaped her lips, "Wow."