Who Do You Trust? Chapter 12, a glee fanfic

Disclaimer: I own nothing but the mistakes as always. Thanks so much for the reviews reading them and knowing that you are being entertained by my stories while being away from your loved ones for the first Thanksgiving stuck a chord within me. I am doing better. Just got to deal with issues that are hurtful but I truly believe that joy always comes in the morning and I am holding on to that...

Chapter 12

Sam

A month, that's how long it had been since I made the stupidest decision in my life and walked away from Mercedes. It was like I had been a man possessed that day and speaking out of hurt and not intelligence, or I would have never said the hurtful things I said or restrained myself from reaching out and apologizing to her ASAP. I was in love with her and broke her heart, so I wouldn't break the heart of my sister who I blamed only myself for the situation she was in. I didn't love her enough. Spend enough time with her when she needed me the most. How could I turn my back on my little sister now? I just couldn't.

These thoughts didn't help heal my own self-inflicted scars from the pain I felt in hurting Mercedes. A woman who was too good for me anyways. Nobody ever stayed and loved me unconditionally but my Uncle Dwight. Something was wrong with me that made me ill-equipped to handle loving and being loved by a woman that was as awesome as Mercedes. This entire month without seeing her face and being without her had me so depressed that I didn't even feel worthy of her presence. Still I missed her beautiful face and hearing her voice. I was so desperate to go back and listen to old voice mails which were few and far between because we texted each much. I reread our texts and I remembered all the times I held her in my arms, and kissed her soft lips. I was a wreck. I'd lashed out at a few people at work who asked about Mercedes and my sudden drop in weight, and Stace commented on more than one occasion that I'd been moody and no joy to be around at all.

Because Mercedes stopped coming to the gym, I didn't even get a glimpse of her then even if she was trying to avoid my schedule. I knew this was my decision, but I missed her like hell. I started to question if I made too rash a decision. Self-denial kept me from owning that it was a rash decision and I had screwed the pooch. I should've talked to her, Uncle Dwight, and Stace together.

I talked to Stace again and again about Mercedes' accusation, and she said that it wasn't her. She said she caught an Uber home. I didn't have proof from either side, but Stace was my family, and I couldn't turn my back on her. Plus, Uncle Dwight and I had been personally taking and picking her up from her treatment.

Uncle Dwight had asked about Cede. I kept it vague. I didn't want to start any unnecessary family drama. I told him that things hadn't worked out, and we went our separate ways. He seemed bummed out by it. He'd said she was the type of woman you married. I didn't like to think about what could have been. I needed to try to move forward and start making myself eat more than the peanut butter and jelly sandwiches that I fixed for Stace and myself when she requested them.

I was sitting on the couch with a now warm beer in my hand spacing out. I didn't drink often, but I needed something to help me relax. Sleep had been hard to come by. I heard keys in the door and I turned to look. I knew it had to be Stace since she was the only other person with a key. She was supposed to go on an outing with her support group, and then go to Uncle Dwight's so he could take her to therapy in the morning.

Stace stepped in the door and closed it quietly behind her. She fumbled with the lock a second but finally got it. When she saw me she looked a little surprised, but it didn't last past a second.

"Hey, Sammy. What are you doing up so late?"

She came and plopped down on the couch next to me. It was only eleven. It wasn't really all that late, but it was later than I usually stayed up. Well, before things with Cede. Now I was lucky to get three or four hours of sleep.

"Just up thinking and relaxing."

I looked over at her and she looked pale. Her eyes looked a little glazed.

"Are you okay Stace? You don't look like you feel well."

"I feel a little tired."

Her words were slow which heightened my concern.

"Are you sure you're feeling ok?"

"Yes, I'm fine. I'm not a baby, Sam!"

"Why don't you go up to bed? I think sleep would do you some good."

"Fine," was all she replied.

The interaction made me feel uneasy. She may have thought I'd been moody, but her outbursts of anger were becoming more frequent. Most of the time they were over something small. I'd thought about seeing if I could go to a few of her therapy sessions with her. Seeing the progress she was making and getting some tips on helping her deal with her emotions felt like it would be beneficial.

Stace got up from the couch and moved to the stairs. She stumbled on the first step. She righted herself and slowly made her way up. I made a mental note to keep an eye on her and to see about the therapy session.

I clicked off the T.V. and headed up to my bedroom. I had an early morning the next day, but I knew it may be awhile before sleep came. Laying in my bed I scrolled through the pictures on my phone. There weren't many so it didn't take long to get to the one I was looking for. It was of Mercedes. It was the picture she sent to me after I sent her the edible arrangement at work. I'd saved it to my phone's gallery.

Several minutes passed when I closed the picture and set it on my bedside table. Mercedes was my past, and I had to start accepting that. Stacey's recovery and well-being were my priority. I needed to focus my energy on that.

The morning seemed to come quickly. I had a six am client appointment so I was up at five to get ready for the day. Stace was still in bed asleep. Uncle Dwight was going to pick her up and take her to her appointments for the day.

I went through the same routine I did every morning. In the back of my mind, I thought about the possibility of Cede coming into the gym today. Would she smile at me with that sweet smile of hers? Would she talk to me or would she look right past me?

I had three clients back to back and a class right after. After the class, I took my lunch break. I pulled my phone out of my shorts pocket and saw a missed call from Uncle Dwight. He'd left a voicemail, so I dialed my mailbox and listened.

"Sam, it's Dwight. Call me back when you get a chance will ya. I have a question about Stace."

His message didn't give me much. Worried that something was wrong I stepped outside of the gym and called him back.

"Hey, Uncle. What's up?"

"Sam, was Stace sick last night?"

I thought back to the night before. She'd said she wasn't sick, but I had to admit she didn't seem like her normal self.

"She was acting kind of weird, but she said she felt fine. Said she was tired. She seemed to be a little off-kilter to me. When I pressed the issue she snapped at me."

"Hmm, she was still out cold when I went to get her. She wouldn't answer the door. I had to use the garage keypad to let myself in. I could barely get her to wake up."

"Where is she now?"

"I finally got her up and to her appointment. She didn't seem like herself even after she was awake."

"Keep an eye on her when you pick her up, please. I'll be by to get her when I get off of work. If she's still acting weird, we can try to talk to her therapist or we may have to make her go to the doctor."

"You know I'll keep a close eye on her. See you after a bit."

When I hung up the call I had a nagging feeling. After lunch, I had a few more clients, but I still couldn't shake the feeling of unease I'd had since talking to Uncle Dwight. The argument I'd had with Cede played in my head. The accusation that Stace had been using on the forefront.

After my shift I headed to Uncle Dwight's house. A few minutes into the drive I changed paths toward my own home. I wanted to trust Stace, but I needed to take a look around her room to clear my conscience. Then I'd go pick her up as planned.

I stood outside her door debating if it was the right thing to do. It was an invasion of her privacy. It was for her own well-being I told myself. Besides, it was my house. I turned the doorknob and let the door creak open.

Her room was neat. The bed was made and there were no dirty clothes littering the ground. She hadn't come with much of anything to begin with. I moved to the bedside table. I pulled out the drawers one by one. Thankfully there was nothing to see in there but a half eaten bar of chocolate.

I looked under the pillows and mattress. Nothing there either. I went through the closet and a few other places where I thought things could be hidden. I decided to do a quick swipe of her dresser drawers before going. When I got the third draw down I heard something rustle. I moved things around until I saw a clear bag. I didn't know much about drugs, but I knew that this wasn't sugar or flour.

I sat the bag on top of the dresser and stared at it. Finding it meant so many things. My sister was still doing drugs, she had lied, and I'd made the biggest mistake of my life pushing Cede away. I didn't know what to do with what I'd found, so I called the facility that Stace had been going to.

"Hello," a woman with a soft voice answered.

"Hello, my name is Sam. My sister has been receiving treatment at your facility. I found something in her room and had some questions."

After sitting on hold for what seemed like forever, I was transferred to someone else. No one had given me answers up to that point. The final lady told me that she couldn't give me patient information, but she could confirm there were no patients with the name Stacey Evans in the facility.

I sat on her bed and stared at the walls. My mind was fighting to make sense of everything. If Stace wasn't in rehab then where was she going when we dropped her off?

I asked Uncle Dwight to bring Stacey home instead of me picking her up. I let him know that I had something I needed to talk to them both about. I'm sure he could hear the anguish in my voice and agreed.

I was sitting on the couch with my hands clasped under my chin when I heard the front door open. I had the bag I found in Stace's room sitting on the coffee table. Uncle Dwight appeared in the room first. Stace wasn't far behind him.

"Hey Sam," Uncle Dwight greeted me.

I greeted him but kept my eyes on Stace. I needed to see her reaction when she saw what was laying on the table. She began to smile and at me when her eyes dropped. Her eyes got big and her mouth opened slightly. She tried to school her features before looking back up at me, but it was too late.

"What's going on Sam?" Uncle Dwight asked.

He looked between Stace and me.

"Stace, how long?"

"How long what?" Uncle Dwight's eye brows furrowed. He was confused, but not for long..

I glanced over at him, "I decided to take a look through Stace's room since she's been acting so odd, but claims she isn't sick. I had a feeling that something wasn't right. Cede told me that she saw Stace with a strange man a few weeks ago, but I didn't want to believe her. Imagine my surprise when I find this in her dresser." I pointed to the bag on the table. "I called the facility where she goes for treatment, and they said they had no patients by her name."

Uncle Dwight turned to look at Stace. Her face had gone pale and her mouth was turned into a deep frown.

"What right did you have to go through my things, Sam? How dare you invade my privacy. You and your stupid girlfriend should mind your own gotdamn business!"

Rage was radiating from Stace, but she hadn't denied any of it.

"Mind my own business, Stace? This is my house. Anything that goes on in here is my business. I trusted you. I defended you. I ended things with Mercedes because I believed that you were trying. You've been lying this whole time!"

"Hold on a minute," Uncle Dwight held up his hand. "Stacey, how long has it been since you've been to treatment? Where have you been going when we drop you off?"

"It doesn't matter, and it's none of your business where I've been going."

"Stacey," Dwight's voice was forceful. "Cut the bull. We're your family and we've sacrificed a lot to make sure you were getting the help you needed. So you're going to sit down and you're going to give us answers."

Stace crumpled to the floor. Her head fell into her hands and she began to sob.

"I haven't been since the first week. After you dropped me off my boyfriend would pick me up. He'd make sure he dropped me back off before either of you came back to pick me up."

"What the hell Stace, why?" I was on my feet now. The anger raging inside wouldn't let me sit..

"It's too hard to live life without it. I need it. It makes me happy. It is the only time that I am happy when I am high. I hate myself and my life, but when I am high, all my thoughts are on the feeling and how I can chase that feeling again and again. You can't understand how often I chase the feeling of the first time I felt so good. No matter how many times I get high, I never can feel as good as I did that first time. I keep hankering for it though. I dream about it. It is something that I can't stop no matter how hard I try. I have to have it to survive."

"No, you don't need it. Stace, I love you, but you can't live with me and be on drugs and have drugs in my home. I'm not going to have illegal substances in my home. I trusted you and you broke that. You can either go back to inpatient treatment, or you can find somewhere else to stay. I really do love you and I want nothing but the best for you, but I refuse to watch you slowly killing yourself and leave the rest of us to deal with the aftermath."

My chest was rising and falling in quick succession. I'd been so incredibly stupid; refusing to accept the truth because I wanted to believe that I could help my sister that one of my biggest failures of being unable to keep her off drugs and have her in my life was going to be rectified. That I was going to be able to right the wrong that made me a hostage to my failure.

Stace could tell by the tone of my voice that I was not playing with her. She reacted just as she had as child and began cryingagain. My need to comfort her was overshadowed by my hurt from the betrayal. She knew how to manipulate me, so well. I began to melt with each tear that fell out of her eyes remembering how she cried when mom and dad and then Aunt Mary died. Stace had never gotten over Stephen and Shannon Evans's deaths with no bodies to even see to say goodbye to. It was like they went off to Rome and never actually came back.

"Stace, your brother is right. What you've done has hurt more than just yourself. Chasing a fix isn't worth the consequences. You need to get proper help. I can take you to the facility, and we can see if they still have room for you. It's never too late, but you have to be willing. I love you two like you are my own children. I'm willing to support you, but you have to want to change for yourself."

As angry as I was at Stace, I was also angry at myself. How had I missed the signs? How had I been so stupid to let her stop inpatient treatment so quickly? In my quest to protect her and make up for lost time I'd made terrible decisions. A feeling of guilt came over me. Ironic because my feeling of guilt and responsibility was what led us here.

Her cries continued for several minutes. I didn't think she was going to speak. Finally, in a whispered voice she said, "Ok, I'll go."

I felt some tension leave my body. I only hoped that this time she was serious. She had to do this for herself. I realized that she was a grown woman and I couldn't control how she lived her life. I didn't often listen to the blues but that night I remembered a song and watched Odetta play and sing a song that described Stace and me perfectly.

Sometimes I feel like a motherless child

A long way from home, a long way from home

Sometimes I feel like I'm almost done

And a long, long way from home, a long way from home

True believer

A long, long way from home

Mercedes

I'd like to say after a month that I'd stopped missing Sam so much. If I did, it would be a complete lie. I'd thrown myself into work to try not to think about it. My bosses were pleased with my work and I was on the fast track to a promotion. That should have made me happy, and it did to a certain degree, but I still felt like there was a dark cloud following me.

I'd stopped going to the gym he worked at. I didn't want to risk seeing him. I couldn't deal with seeing him. I wouldn't be able to deal with him giving me the cold shoulder if I did. Tina said she'd seen him a few times, and he looked miserable. My response, he'd done it to himself. Still, I couldn't deny the instinct to want to comfort him.

I wouldn't relent though. He'd made his choice, and I wasn't it. No matter how much I loved the man I wouldn't allow myself to be treated like I was disposable. I'd done that before and I wasn't going to do it again.

Tina and I were going out for drinks after work. She'd convinced me that I'd sulked long enough and I needed to go out and be among the living. I knew she wanted me to go on a few dates, but I wasn't feeling the dating scene. I relented to drinks as a compromise and a ploy to get her to stop with the dating talk.

I went home to change and freshen up before meeting her. As I got closer to my front door, I noticed a bouquet of red and white roses with a card nestled in the middle. I picked up the card silently chastising myself for hoping that the flowers were from Sam. I opened it up and sure enough, my traitorous heart started to beat quicker.

Mercedes,

I read somewhere that red and white roses are the best for apologizing. Red is supposed to represent love and fidelity while white is for truth and purity. I know I don't deserve your forgiveness after everything, but I do hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me one day. I was wrong, and I am a total jerk for jumping to conclusions and not trusting you. You are one of the few people in my life that have shown me true care and compassion, and I repaid you in the worst possible way. Please accept these as a symbol of my apology. I hope that we can talk soon.

Love Always,

Sam

Tears were streaming down my face. Why did he have to do this? Why after all this time did he have to pop back in my life with his sweet words and gestures? It was hard enough trying to move on without a reminder of him. I picked the flowers up and went into my apartment. I put the flowers in the kitchen and put the card beside it. I didn't want the constant reminder of him, but I couldn't bring myself to throw them away.

Tina was sitting at a high top table when I walked into the bar. She waved like a loon when she saw me. I guessed that meant she was on at least drink number two. I always stuck to a two drink max and finished it early in the night so that I could be our designated driver if needed. I wasn't much of a drinker, to begin with, so it never really bothered me.

"Hey good lookin," Tina said in greeting.

"Hey crazy lady, I see you've already gotten started."

"You bet, some hottie at the bar keeps sending me drinks. Who am I to deny free drinks?"

"Of course, you couldn't politely decline them. You are too much my sister from another mister."

Our server came around and got my drink order. We also ordered a couple of appetizers since neither of us had eaten dinner. Tina told me about her latest boy toy. She'd moved on from the lawyer and was now rolling in the sheets with an accountant who dabbled in acupunture named Artie. The woman had an expansive taste in men. I'd give her that.

"Enough about me. What about you? Are you ready to get back in the saddle?"

"Actually I got a bouquet of flowers today. They were from Sam."

"Did they come with a card or anything? I need details, woman!"

"There was a card. He apologized and said he now realizes that he should have trusted me. Whatever that means."

"It sounds like he found out that his perfect little sister isn't so perfect, and that you really were trying to help."

"Whatever he found out doesn't matter now. He threw our relationship away without a second thought."

"Oh hell no, girl he's given you a second thought. I've seen him moping around like a lost puppy at the gym."

"Well, he should have thought about that before believing that I would lie on his precious baby sister, now shouldn't he?"

"Yeah, darn Skippy, he should have."

Tina perked up and waved at someone behind me. I turned to see who it was. Two men were walking toward our table. One looked to be about six-two with dark brown hair that was cut close to his head. His face was clean shaven, and he was wearing a navy blue suit.

The other man was short and in a wheelchair. He had on gray slacks with a white button up tucked in and a bow tie around his neck. He looked to be on the nerdy side complete with glasses.

I turned back to Tina with narrowed eyes.

"Who is that?"

"Oh, that's Artie, the accountant I told you about, and his friend Matt."

"Tina, what have you done? This was supposed to be a girls night."

I had to give her credit. She kept a straight face when answering me. Almost as if she truly didn't know what she was doing.

"It is a girls night that now has boys as well."

I frowned at my best friend. She knew I didn't want to date right now, but she ignored my wishes. Ignoring my wishes was a bad habit of hers. It was always in the name of love according to her. It didn't change the fact that I was pissed.

"Come on Cede, it's been a month. I'm not asking you to marry the guy. I'm just trying to push you in the right direction of getting over Sam. You've made it clear that you are done with him, so what's the harm in meeting new men?"

Tina may have had a point, but I still didn't like it. I also didn't like her meddling in my business and pushing me to do things I didn't want to. The two men were only a few feet away from our table so I tried to push down my annoyance. I didn't want to come off as a jerk even if I wasn't happy about the impromptu meeting. Besides, both of them were pretty easy on the eyes so it wouldn't be a total hardship to spend a couple of hours with them.

"Hey, guys." Tina got up from her chair and hugged the dark haired man in the wheelchair. She leaned down and placed a peck on his lips. I assumed that it was Artie the triple A man. That left the male model. He had to be my distraction for the evening.

"Artie, Matt this is my best friend Mercedes. Mercedes this is Artie and his friend Matt."

Artie extended his hand to me first.

"Hi Mercedes, Tina has told me so much about you."

I tried to stifle the laugh that wanted to escape. I was only partially successful.

"I don't know if that is a good or bad thing coming from Tina," I said smiling up at Artie.

He laughed and assured me that they were all good things.

Matt stepped forward and offered his hand. It was warm and large against my smaller one. I may have swooned a bit. I was feelin the full but neatly trimmed beard on his face gave him a bit of a rugged appeal.

"It's a pleasure to meet you, Mercedes."

His voice was a deep timber. Normally it would have my knees feeling a little weak, but my heart didn't seem to get the memo. I knew I had a certain lowdown gym rat to blame for that.

"It's nice to meet you too." I gave him my best smile. Even though my heart wasn't racing and my knees weren't weak, I decided to try to keep an open mind.

The four of us sat at the table Tina and I had been occupying. We all started out making small talk. I found out that Matt worked as a teacher at a local high school.

Artie and Tina excused themselves to the dance floor leaving Matt and I alone. We were quiet for a while watching our friends dancing to the music. For a man in a wheelchair, Artie had some nice moves. Matt was the one who finally broke the silence.

"You had no idea that I was coming tonight did you?"

I looked down into my drink like it would help me with my answer before looking back up at him.

"Honestly, no. Tina has been nagging me to go out for a while, but I refused. I agreed to a girls night thinking it would get her off of my back, but she had other plans."

I'd decided to go with honesty with Matt because I felt like I had nothing to lose.

Matt nodded his head and looked at me quietly for a few seconds.

"For what it's worth I'm glad we got to meet. You're very beautiful, and I've enjoyed talking to you."

His words made me feel shy and a little giddy.

"Thank you, I've enjoyed talking to you too. Tonight has gone better than I thought it would."

Artie and Tina joined us back at the table. They announced that they were ready to call it a night claiming they had long days at work. I knew they were leaving to get their after party started.

When we left the bar, Tina and I hugged goodbye. Matt offered to walk me to my car. At my car, I turned to face him and thanked him.

"Thanks for walking me to my car. I had fun tonight."

"You're more than welcome. I had fun too. I was wondering if you would like to go out sometime. Just the two of us."

I was caught off guard by his offer.

"Oh, um I..."

"It's ok if you don't want to. I just couldn't pass up the chance to at least ask."

I was attracted to Matt. In my mind I knew he was someone I would typically be interested in getting to know better, but my heart wasn't fully in it. In the end, my mind told my heart to shut-up.

"I'd like that very much."

The smile that he gave me made my lady parts tingle.

"What's your number so I can call you to set it up?"

I rattled off my number while he keyed it into his phone.

"Great, I'll call you soon."

He waited for me to unlock my car and get settled inside before heading to his own. I sat behind the wheel trying to process the events of the night. I had agreed to a date with a man that wasn't Sam. I wasn't sure how I felt about it, but I knew that it was a step in the necessary direction. I just wished my heart understood.