Thanks to my wonderful usual reviewers: Stacy Rockfall, Leafshadow, and Mikaceous.
If you haven't checked out Mika's stories yet, get to it! Her new story, "Tangled Paths and Wild Hearts" is about Wildstep's escape from the Clans and interactions with other cats in the world. Recently, Wildstep has come across a musical band of cats, which was an idea I used in "Burning Darkly", one of my older fanfictions. If you liked the guardian's from "Tigerheart's Shadow", Mika is exploring them a little more!
In other news, my internet was out this weekend. So I couldn't get to this sooner, but I hope you enjoy. You'll see a bit of Halfshine's philosophy in this chapter.
Oh, and have any of you seen the Rock MAP "Neglected Space" by Glitch Sixxle on Youtube? It gave me chills!
Chapter 7: To Save the Whole
Lichenfur brushed the drooping heather as she entered the medicine den. The blossoming purple flowers did not move, her body not physical enough to interact with the beautiful plants. Neither did the darkness of the den have effect on her. The glow of starlight speckled in her long fur assisted her golden eyes. The living cats could not see it, unless she willed them too. They relied on the moss that glowed on the piles of rock, carefully cultivated through the ages.
Her mission here in WindClan was not to show herself to the Clan; Gustystar had sent her to repair the damage Redfur had caused at the Moonstone. Bravepaw should have never received the vision. Not yet. Not so harshly. It was up to Lichenfur to greet the she-cat properly. She would congratulate she-cat on her choice and allow her to ask questions. Then as best she could, Lichenfur would explain what had transpired. With Bravepaw's help, the horrors Lichenfur had seen would not come to pass. Halfshine would not cause WindClan's demise.
Redfur had hardly been the only StarClan cat to see the vision. Few however, suspected the true meaning. Lichenfur and Gustystar intended to keep it that way.
The white she-cat with gray-speckled fur quickly spotted the apprentice she had come for. Bravepaw slept in a nest along the far wall of the narrow den. She was curled tightly; her tail and forepaws covered her nose and eyes as if she were trying to block out the world. The nest of feathers and heather spread farther than her body, and Lichenfur suspected her mother shared the nest with her. Now the ginger and silver queen stood beside Halfshine a few paces from the nest. They stood over a small gray she-cat whose tail was a bundle of spiderwebs. Lichenfur picked up the scents of honey, borage, and chervil, a concoction meant to stave off infection and fever.
With a flash of regret, Lichenfur realized she didn't know either she-cats' names. Lichenfur had died long before this queen had been kitted. She sighed. It was more and more often she realized she recognized more faces in StarClan than she did in WindClan.
While Lichenfur was not the most recent medicine cat to enter StarClan, Twistedbriar didn't like returning to WindClan territory. Too many memories, the gray tabby said. Too many sorrows. And Lichenfur suspected if given the choice, Twistedbriar would have come to the den that night to encourage Bravepaw to give up being a medicine cat. To live the life Twistedbriar never had. But StarClan needed a cat who listened to them in WindClan. Bravepaw had to stay. The only thing she lacked was somecat to explain the horrors she'd experienced yesternight. Lichenfur was prepared for the duty.
She left the entrance and made her way to the brown-and-white apprentice. As she went, her ears picked up Halfshine and the silver-and-ginger queen's conversation. She paused, sitting beside the pair to listen in. Though she had not touched herbs for a long while (there was no need for herbs in StarClan as there was no sickness and every wound repaired flawlessly in time) the art of healing still fascinated her.
Halfshine had recently finished caring for his patient. Lichenfur could see specks of blood in his forepaws. There was a pile of old burdock leaves beside him. They were streaked with puss and blood from a lancing. Halfhsine's blue eyes sagged and were rimmed by red. His ears crinkled downward, but were perked up enough to listen to the queen. He must have said something before Lichenfur entered the den, because the she-cat responded.
"You made it sound so simple yesterday," she meowed, "what is so different now?"
"Cedarberry," Halfshine sighed, "I have to tell you now, I've done all I can, but she might not get better."
Cedarberry's ears went flat. The queen looked just as exhausted as Halfshine, but a haunted expression entered her gaze. "You were supposed to help her."
"I am. I have, but I can't control everything. She would have recovered quickly if she hadn't gotten infected. But she has and now I want to prepare you for the worst. There is no easy way I can put this: If Hedgepaw does not get better, she will either die or she will lose her tail."
Cedarberry's breath hitched.
Which was worse in the queen's mind? Lichenfur wondered. So many cats saw physical flaws as ugly and demeaning, they would rather die, or let those they know die, rather than go through life differently. Twistedbriar had suffered from such a mother. It had taken a while for Lichenfur to even get the members of her own Clan to trust her apprentice's abilities despite her lack of limbs. Getting Twistedbriar to trust them back had taken longer.
"Even then," Halfshine continued. "She could still die."
"Don't be so grim," Lichenfur chided.
He could not hear her, of course. She did not allow it. There was so much she wished she could say, but the decision they had made to punish Halfshine kept her mouth shut. She wished they hadn't made that choice. He needed StarClan's guidance. But their silence had been a decision many of the former leaders and medicine cats of WindClan had made together when Redfur joined StarClan's ranks prematurely. Redfur thought they hadn't punished Halfshine, but they had. Oh, they had, and through him, the Clan.
"Give her hope, will you?" Lichenfur meowed. "Trust your abilities, Halfshine, and rely on the strength of Hedgepaw."
Lichenfur wished she could tell him how proficient he was. Lichenfur did not doubt the gray apprentice would recover. Halfshine was skilled. He needed to have more pride in his work. This self-doubt was a trait he shared with Twistedbriar, Lichenfur lamented. He had needed the guidance of the former medicine cat longer than he'd received. He could have benefitted from her words in StarClan.
She sighed. She had more than a few regrets too, Lichenfur decided. She was starting to understand why so many of the older cats of StarClan stopped visiting the living world.
"How long are you going to give her?" Cedarberry demanded.
As Halfshine and Cedarberry discussed Hedgepaw's future, Lichenfur rose and finished her journey to Bravepaw. This was where the future of WindClan lay. She had to focus her help here. Lichenfur leaned down to touch her nose to Bravepaw's forehead. She closed her eyes and attempted to join Bravepaw's dreams. Another cat might allow themselves to be seen, but Bravepaw was hardly ever alone. Their conversation must be kept private. So dreams it would be.
When Lichenfur opened her eyes, instead of finding herself in a mismatched land of imagination and reality, the gray-speckled and white she-cat was still in the medicine den. The apprentice slept on, her chest rising and falling slowly. Her two other Clanmates murmured behind Lichenfur.
"Will she even be able to hunt?" Cedarberry asked.
"It will be no different than if she had a tail," Halfshine promised. "If the histories are to go by, she may have little loss of balance, but she'll still fulfill her duties. As a tunneller, maybe not having a tail will be an advantage?"
Lichenfur tried to ignore the bristling of her neck fur as she leaned down once more. She pressed against Bravepaw more firmly, but when she opened her eyes, the former medicine cat found herself once more in the medicine den. Bravepaw slept soundly at her paws, not having noticed a thing. This wasn't a simple case of being too tired to accept her. StarClan had the ability to walk in dreams. They could make a cat dream if they weren't.
Bravepaw was blocking her.
Not her personally, but any StarClan spirit. This was the power the living had over the dead. If they didn't wish to see, or didn't believe, the cat would not recognize their ancestors. If Lichenfur was not getting in, then Bravepaw didn't want to be visited. She was purposefully choosing to ignore StarClan.
"Oh, Redfur," Lichenfur moaned. "What have you done?"
Too traumatized from the experience, Bravepaw didn't want to be bothered by spirits. She probably didn't want to be hurt more. Now Lichenfur could not contact her, could not warn her!
"Bravepaw, no," Lichenfur whispered, touching her nose once more and whispering in her ear. "You need to listen!"
There was a guttural sound near the entrance of the den. Irritation? Shock? Lichenfur wasn't certain, but the sound was still ringing in her ears when she looked up. She caught a glimpse of a bright red tail retreating. Her paws felt frozen to the dirt for a moment. Then she leapt to her feet. She bounded around Cedarberry and Halfshine to thrust through the opening.
By the time she reached fresh air, she did not see him anymore. The only red pelts she saw were sleeping members of WindClan.
Glimmers of StarClan cats drifted around the Clan, the spirits sleeping beside loved ones. StarClan did not need sleep. They could feel tired, and dreaming was nice, but it was not necessary like when they were living. However, when visiting the Clan at night, there wasn't much else to do but settle beside those you'd lost and wait for morning
She recognized them all. There was Archfang resting beside Harestar. Her black, striped tail curled over Purplethistle's flank, accepting the leader's new mate. Brackenspring, Archfang's daughter and Halfshine's sister, had joined the apprentices. She had died when kitting, Lichenfur recalled. The loss of her own kits encouraged her to spend more time around the young of the Clan. There were more StarClan cats, including Daywhisker and Flatclaw. They too were sleeping. There were no StarClan cats near the medicine den. Rarely did any cat venture here. They left it a domain for the medicine cats, unless they were visiting an ill friend.
No one was awake. She could not ask any of the visitors if they'd seen Redfur, but she knew. He had defied Gustystar's order to remain in StarClan. He was trying for a second attempt on Bravepaw.
Lichenfur lashed her tail. He must have fled from camp when she spotted him.
"I'm not going to let you hurt her again," Lichenfur vowed, staring up the slope that led to the moorland.
Lichenfur growled and then took a step back in surprise of her own anger. In life she had always been known to be level-headed, not one to give in to panic or rage. Instead of breathing deeply and reasoning away the stone that encased her heart, Lichenfur let her ears flatten. She should be angry. Redfur wouldn't listen to them. Redfur didn't know how to use his power. Talking to the living was a task suited for leaders and medicine cats and warriors preciously selected. He didn't understand and risked making the situation worse. Lichenfur had to protect the Bravepaw from Redfur. He was not going to get a second chance on her watch.
-Line-
When Bravepaw woke, her eyes ached. The throbbing in her legs and joints hadn't gone down. There was a tingling in her paws, and when she looked down her pads were cracked and dry. She couldn't remember the last time she'd woken well-rested. She lifted her head to look about the den, but only yawned. When she opened her eyes again, she spotted Halfshine laying in his nest near the herbstore. The black and white tom's legs were askew as if he'd fallen asleep the moment he lay down.
Bravepaw could feel the press of Cedarberry at her back. The warmth of Hedgepaw was absent. For a moment she panicked, looking for her sister before finding her on Cederberry's other side. The gray apprentice was still panting, but the new wrapping on her tail looked bulky.
Bravepaw got to her feet, attempted to stretch the stiffness out, and stepped over Cedarberry on wobbly paws to her sister. Her gray fur was licked down, probably due to Cedarberry's care, but it lacked its glossy shine and seemed thinner somehow. Her skin rested loosely on her hip bones, something that made Bravepaw feel ill when she noticed. She wasn't the same cat from her ceremony.
Hedgepaw's eyes opened and looked at Bravepaw blurrily.
"Hedgepaw," Bravepaw squeaked in surprise.
She stifled her voice when Cedarberry's paws twitched. She didn't want to wake her mother. Both the older cats needed rest. Bravepaw knew they had been up late. Hedgepaw's probably needed sleep too, but she appeared too uncomfortable to sleep. Bravepaw wondered if her sister needed poppyseeds, maybe feverfew? Glancing at Halfshine, she knew she shouldn't proscribe anything without his consent.
"Hedgepaw, I am so sorry," Bravepaw meowed. She lowered herself so her sister wouldn't strain her neck.
She carefully rested her head on the gray apprentice's paws. They radiated heat in an uncomfortable dampness against her cheek. Bravepaw looked at her sister's eyes, uncertain if Hedgepaw even knew she was there. Hedgepaw's eyes were dilated and she looked through as if she couldn't see Bravepaw, or at least was concentrating on a space over her shoulder. Perhaps she wasn't even really awake.
"I'm sorry," Bravepaw repeated softly. "If I hadn't gone into the tunnel, they could have gotten you out sooner. You wouldn't still be sick. It's all my fault. I didn't mean for this to happen."
Hedgepaw only panted. Her eyes fluttered until they closed, her head laying back once more.
Bravepaw sighed. Hunger rumbled in her gut. She hadn't eaten since yesterday. She and Halfshine hadn't hunted on the way back from the Moonstone, too distracted by the vision. Now her hunger returned, as loud as a crow. She grunted as she got to her feet.
It was sunhigh when she left the den. Bravepaw blinked at the bright sun and rested in the warmth for a moment forgetting about her meal. It felt nice here. She would have remained basking if her whiskers hadn't picked up the body of another cat.
She blinked up at Gorsepath. The deputy sat beside her, ears tilted curiously inside the den. "I came by earlier, but everyone was sleeping and it didn't feel right to wake anyone. The night guard said there was a disturbance last night. Do you know what?"
She felt her ears warm, not from the sunlight this time. He was talking about her.
"Can you tell me?" he asked. His words were gentler this time, his eyes curious.
"Hedgepaw is sick," Bravepaw got out. "We, I mean, Halfshine had to get better herbs last night when we got back. He worked on her all night."
Gorsepath wrapped his tail around her. "He'll take care of your sister. Don't worry. When he is awake, send him to me or Harestar, all right? And tell your mother she doesn't need to worry about patrols until Hedgepaw is better."
Bravepaw nodded, swallowing the lump in her throat. Gorsepath left soon after. Bravepaw sat a while longer, but hunger finally drove her to her feet and toward the fresh-kill pile that rested in the shade of the Rock Pile. Though her stomach raged, she suddenly didn't feel very hungry as she stared down at the rabbit and skylark that remained from the recent patrol. Cats had already eaten and were sharing tongues or sleeping off their meal.
Among them were Hunterpaw and Flickpaw. Her siblings spotted her and bounded over from where they rested.
"How was it?"
"What did you see?"
Bravepaw blinked, bewildered.
"The Moonstone!" Hunterpaw meowed, exasperated. The tom looked at Flickpaw with a half-smile. "Since you've spoken to StarClan are you that much better than us? You can't even speak to your brothers about it?"
"N-no that's not it!" Bravepaw felt her ears warm. She had completely forgotten about the Moonstone. She knew she had gone, and yet it seemed days ago. Long ago when the Moonstone had been a mysterious place. A place they looked forward to visiting one day. Now that she had gone, the wistful longing had been smashed to pieces like a flower stepped on by a careless warrior.
"It's fine," she meowed.
"Fine?" Flickpaw meowed, his ears twitching. "Just fine? Hunterpaw, she's so hungry she can't even speak. Get her something! Come on."
He nudged her shoulder. Bravepaw followed him to their spot by the wall. The uneven terrain of the gully provided them an overhang to lay in the shade. It was a blessing to her eyes, although her body missed the warmth of the sunlight. Hunterpaw had picked the bird and he dropped it in front of her when she lay down. She stared at the limp prey. Her hunger sparked anew and this time she gave in, tearing the feathers off to reach the meat below.
"Well, how was it?" Hunterpaw demanded when she slowed down.
"I'm sure it was wonderful," Flickpaw meowed, teasingly. "I caught that bird, remember? So of course, it tastes great!"
Hunterpaw swiped at his brother with one of his large paws. Flickpaw rolled out of the way, easily parrying the blow with his tail. Hunterpaw wriggled and leapt on top of his brother. It was like they were kits again, Bravepaw thought, watching them. A bubble of laughter tickled her throat as she watched them tumble into the sunlight. The dry dirt of the camp lifted into the air in a plume under their tussling. She carefully set aside the feathers so they wouldn't get lost. The soft down would go into one of the nests. She supposed her brothers would decide which as it was their duty to tend to bedding now.
She sighed and stretched, easing her way into the sunlight.
Hunterpaw sprang up, pushing Flickpaw away with his back paws in a powerful kick.
Flickpaw wheezed and rolled to his feet, but didn't retaliate. He shook his pelt and more dust rose into the air. Bravepaw sneezed, drawing her brother's attention back.
"Now you have to tell us," Hunterpaw meowed. He slid beside Bravepaw, stretching his forepaws out until they tickled her side. "What was it like? Did you see StarClan?"
Bravepaw looked away. The tension that being with her brothers had chased away, returned. "N-no, I didn't see them."
"What did you see?" Flickpaw asked. He ambled over eagerly, flopping down beside her.
"It was bright," Bravepaw remembered. "Very bright. But not harsh like the sun. It was cold. So cold." She stared toward the Clan. Sharing tongues was almost over. She could see another patrol getting ready to set out. What more could she say. It was more than she'd imagined, and somehow less.
"It tired me out," she finished, turning back to them. "It's so far away and I am glad to be back."
"We're glad to have you back," Flickpaw meowed. "We haven't seen much of you lately, what with you and Hedgepaw in the medicine den all the time. How is she?"
"When is she coming back?" Hunterpaw demanded. "I've got so much to tell her. Pheasant-tail was showing me a battle move this morning. He promised he'd show me more later. I wanted to know if Newfang was going to show Hedgepaw the same."
"I'm sure she will," Bravepaw meowed, trying to make the situation sound better. "But Hedgepaw needs time."
"Time? She was ill yesterday," Hunterpaw's tail flicked, dismissively. "That was yesterday. Newfang is already on patrols today!"
Bravepaw said nothing.
"Is she going to be alright?" Flickpaw asked. The white tom could tell something was wrong.
"I don't know," Bravepaw whispered, unable to keep up the act. "She got worse last night."
"Yesterday you said she would be," Hunterpaw protested. He got to his feet and looked down at her. His tail lashed. "You said she'd be fine!"
Bravepaw tilted her head up and when she met his eyes her heart twinged. He gazed at her with a look of betrayal as though she'd purposefully lied to him.
"She would have been," Bravepaw meowed. "But she has an infection. Now. . . I don't know."
"I want to see her," Hunterpaw meowed. Without another word, he headed for the medicine den.
Flickpaw hesitated, staring after their brother.
"Go," Bravepaw meowed.
He inhaled sharply and scrambled to his paws, hurrying after Hunterpaw. Bravepaw waited. There wasn't any way to be strong for them now. They had to know. With a sigh, Bravepaw got to her feet. She would bring Halfshine and Cedarberry something to eat. It would keep her out of the den a little longer, and she knew they must be ravenous. Since Hunterpaw and Flickpaw would wake the older cats, anyway, she might as well give them Gorsepath's words.
-Line-
When her brothers finally left, Bravepaw walked with Cedarberry to escort the apprentices outside. Halfshine remained in the den to change Hedgepaw's wrappings. Bravepaw listened to him cut the leaves and cobwebs with his claws as she watched her brothers join their mentors. Cedarberry gave a sigh. Was it sadness? Pride? Bravepaw didn't know, but she followed her mother back to the den without word when her mother turned around. The smell of the burrow was rank and Bravepaw had come to associate the waft of worry with illness.
Halfshine was standing over Hedgepaw when she ducked inside. He hadn't asked her to tend Hedgepaw and Bravepaw suspected he didn't want her reacting like she had the first night. She promised herself she wouldn't freeze next time Hedgepaw needed her.
"Bravepaw, come here."
Bravepaw paws stopped. Halfshine looked pensive where he crouched over Hedgepaw. Bravepaw wretched her paws from the dirt and hurried over. She leaned around her mentor, looking at the wound Halfshine had uncovered. The wrappings were filled with a yellow ichor, but that didn't have Bravepaw's attention. Hedgepaw's pelt was patchy. Her skin was showing through. Halfshine gently ran one of his claws up the one of the red streaks that the missing fur revealed.
"The red streaks mean the infection is spreading into her blood," Halfshine meowed. "Our efforts aren't enough. Cedarberry."
The tone of his voice was grave. Bravepaw looked at Cedarberry. Her mother stared at Halfshine. She didn't look to be breathing.
"You know what I have to say," Halfshine meowed. "I don't want you in the den for this. Go hunting. Do something. I already told you the risks. Do you want me to proceed?"
Cedarberry blinked harshly. Bravepaw didn't like the way wetness welled up in them.
"If there is a chance, yes. Can't I speak with Hedgepaw, once more?"
Halfshine tilted his head and blinked his eyes in assent.
"What, what is going on?" Bravepaw demanded. She didn't like the finality of Cedarberry's words. There was a conversation here she didn't understand. Had they discussed something when she wasn't here? What was wrong? What was Halfshine going to do about Hedgepaw?
"Do you remember the combination of herbs I told you to use in bedding?"
"Yes," Bravepaw meowed. She didn't see how that and Hedgepaw were connected.
"Gather them from the storage and take them to the elder's den. Check on Downyclaw while you are there. I haven't heard anything from Rustling-grass."
She narrowed her eyes. He was trying to get rid of her again. "Halfshine, what is it?"
"I will tell you when you get back. Let your mother and Hedgepaw be alone."
"But they are always alone," Bravepaw protested. She wanted to be here. She had to be here. Something was wrong. Very wrong. This was him putting on his "brave face" again, trying to make her feel better.
Halfshine frowned at her.
Bravepaw sighed. She ought to listen to him. She glanced at Cedarberry who wrapped around Hedgepaw. The former queen whispered in Hedgepaw's ear. Bravepaw could barely hear the words, but what she picked up, she wasn't sure she wanted to hear. Bravepaw went to the herb store where she examined the divots in the storage wall. Each one had a special stack of herbs. Some were twisted in the roots overhead. She was still memorizing where each herb was placed and it took a while for her to find the dried lavender and rosemary. The rosemary sprigs were easy to tuck under her chin, but the lavender fronds were brittle and easy to break. When they did they sent up a soothing smell. She carefully bit the stems and backed out of the store and left the den.
The camp was nearly emptied now, the patrols on their way. Only Harestar remained as he made his way over from the Rock Pile toward the medicine cat den. It looked like he wasn't going to wait for Halfshine to come to him. He was going to the medicine cat. He sent Bravepaw a smile, but she was too busy trying to balance her herbs she paid him little heed as the leader passed by.
When she popped into the elder's den, Rustling-grass and Downyclaw were sleeping. Downyclaw's breath whistled. He sounded as bad as Hedgepaw when he slept. Bravepaw could see him panting in his sleep. Bravepaw dropped her herbs and shuffled over. She gently pressed her nose to his pawpads and then his nose. He didn't react at her touch, but he didn't feel any warmer than usual. At his side, Rustling-grass stirred. She lifted her head, eyes clouded with sleep. The sweet-smelling plants Bravepaw had dropped brought a smile to the silver-and-brown tabby's face.
"I was wondering when we'd get these," she meowed. "Halfshine has been so distracted, I didn't want to bother him."
"It isn't a bother," Bravepaw meowed. She felt a twinge of shame. She had once thought badly of Hunterpaw neglecting the elders, but she had done the same. "How are you doing?"
"Same-old. You saw the buzzards overhead this morning?"
Bravepaw flicked her ears. "No."
"There were three of them, circling They smell something. Something dead or dying. Something is coming, Bravepaw," the elder said.
Bravepaw shivered. She didn't like the implication. Hunterpaw would tell her it was just elder talk, but what if the buzzards smelled Hedgepaw and were waiting for her to die? Is this what Halfshine didn't want to talk to her about?
"Let me spread the herbs for you," Bravepaw meowed, wanting to change the subject. "Don't be afraid to come in. We can tend you to if you need it. I can get you some daisy petals or goldenrod for your joints."
"I would appreciate that," Rustling-grass meowed. "Bring some mousebile when you come back. Downyclaw hasn't been able to get some of his ticks and I have trouble too, you know."
"Yes, Rustling-grass," Bravepaw wondered if she could get her brothers to handle that. Right now, Halfshine needed her.
When she got back to the medicine den, she found Harestar inside. He was growling at Halfshine.
"You make it sound like I want to do this!" Halfshine snapped. The medicine's cat's head was lowered, but his tail rapidly twitched the ground beside him. Hedgepaw lay in her fevered daze in a pile of clean heather near their feet. Cedarberry was absent. She must have left shortly after Harestar arrived.
Bravepaw felt her throat dry as she stared at the arguing toms.
"Is it really necessary?" Harestar demanded.
"Yes," Halfshine meowed. "To save Hedgepaw, it is. Her tail is infected, it is spreading to the rest of her body. It is better to amputate than allow her to die."
Harestar stared at the black-and-white tom. His eyes flickered between him and Hedgepaw. "Won't cutting into her make her lose blood? Won't that kill her?"
"That is a possibility."
"She dies now or she dies later, is that what you are telling me?" Harestar's fur bristled.
"No! Would you listen! At least this way is a chance. We can stop the infection from going further. Sometimes to save the whole, a portion must be lost. "
"What do you mean amputate?" Bravepaw demanded. She had been quiet long enough. The toms had growled at each other long enough. She had never heard that word before, and by the way Halfshine spoke, she wasn't sure she wanted to know. Hedgepaw was going to die, wasn't she? Was that why the buzzards had come?
Halfshine looked her direction and his tail lowered. "Bravepaw, welcome back."
"What is going on?" Bravepaw demanded.
"Harestar, I know that Cedarberry left to hunt with the apprentices. Could you take Bravepaw and join them?"
It was an honor to hunt with the Clan leader. Especially for an apprentice.
"You promised we would talk," Bravepaw meowed, interrupting Harestar's reply. She shouldn't have, it was rude, but she had to know. She kept her eyes on Halfshine.
"I did." He paused. "Hedgepaw's infection has set too deeply. I showed you the streaks. It is spreading to her body. She will die if nothing is done."
"What are you going to do?"
Halfshine closed his eyes briefly before meeting her own. "Hedgepaw's tail has to be removed. Amputated."
Bravepaw shivered. She tucked her tail close to her side as she stared down at her sister. Either the fever was worse, or Halfshine had given her something, because other than twitch her eyes and pant, Hedgepaw did not react to the news.
"I don't want you to have to see this," Halfshine continued, "so I am asking you to go with Harestar."
"No."
Halfshine's whiskers went down. "I am your mentor. Listen to me."
She wasn't going to let him use that reasoning twice. "I am your apprentice," she snapped back. "Aren't you supposed to be teaching me to treat sick cats?"
She glared at him. His blue eyes narrowed back at her and the flicking of his tail grew worse. She knew she should back down. She was an apprentice after all, but she wasn't about to take back her words. He'd made enough excuses.
"Bravepaw," Harestar's voice was soft and yet it clawed through the bristling anger radiating from the two other cats in the den. "It will be better for you to come with me so you don't have to see your sister in pain."
"Thank you, Harestar, but I am staying." She met his eyes now. She meant her words.
Harestar paused, but nodded. "I will be escorting cats out of camp for the next little while if you change your mind." He left the den.
"You should go with him," Halfshine meowed. It might have sounded like a suggestion, but his tone made it clear it was not.
"Am I your apprentice or not?!" Bravepaw yowled, turning back to face him.
Hedgepaw didn't react to her voice, but Halfshine flinched.
"I am not too tired to help now. Don't many any more excuses to keep me from assisting you."
"You are distressed, your mind isn't ready to handl—"
"Because you won't let me help you! I'm supposed to be a medicine cat. This is all I've ever wanted! I know I messed up two nights ago, but not again. Now let's get to work, Hedgepaw doesn't have the time for our arguing."
"You will cause her pain," he meowed. "Can you hear her shrieks and keep your paws steady?"
Was he intending for his words to be a strike to her heart?
"One of these days I will have to work on my own family," Bravepaw swallowed the ache of her throat. "I might as well start now. You can't protect me forever."
She watched as the anger from her disobedience drained until only sadness remained in his blue eyes. They gazed at her helplessly.
"I don't I want you to be hurt," he whispered.
"I know." She put her paw on his. Had she finally realized why he held her back? Was he trying to protect her? His actions made sense now, Bravepaw realized. He got angry when she tried to eat poisonous herbs, dashed after her into dark tunnels, minimized her contact with Hedgepaw, and had even told her not to think about StarClan's visions because they caused her distress. He kept trying to stop her from diving into dangerous territory, yet she demanded to leap into the fray, purposefully shoving aside his concerns.
"Trust me when I say I can do this," Bravepaw meowed. "It's not just putting on a brave face. My heart says I can do this, but I need you to support me. What if you were to die tomorrow? Where would the Clan be then? Teach me to be as good as you!"
His eyes narrowed and he pulled his paw from under hers. "No, Bravepaw. I will teach you to be better."
"Then you have to teach me."
He closed his eyes and nodded. "If you are going to do this, we need to get ready. I am relying on you. If you feel you can do this, then. . . stay."
Bravepaw nodded. Halfshine wasn't the only one relying on her. Hedgepaw needed her. She wouldn't let her sister die. She'd caused this to happen to Hedgepaw, and she was going to take responsibility.
"Keep this in mind as you work," Halfshine meowed. "It might hurt Hedgepaw, but in the end it is helping. Keep that in your mind. You are helping. You are healing."
-Line-
When she left the den, she expected it to be night time. And yet, the sun still shone overhead, a brilliant yellow eye, gazing dismissively down at them as it drifted its way toward the horizon. The Clan was absent, perhaps cautioned away. Other than Harestar who sat in camp with Purplethistle, it was silent. Bloomfur must have taken even the kits on a walk. It must be an adventure for them to leave the camp.
Harestar stood when he spotted Bravepaw. "Is it done?"
As he joined her, Bravepaw reluctantly set down the bundle she carried. She placed her paw over the heather and cobwebs, keeping it from unravelling. She hadn't even bothered to lick herself clean. Blood had crusted over her toes and into her white fur. For a moment she was back in the vision, the river of blood curling around her. With a blink she wrenched her mind back into the sunlight. This was different. This was different though. The blood on her paw was drying, turning brown as it crusted. The red of her vision had remained a brilliant crimson, paling to pink as it washed over her paws as though it were not blood at all.
"It is," Bravepaw meowed. "I was just going to. . . bury this. Halfshine is waiting with Hedgepaw. She is sleeping again."
She had been treated with goldenrod and a stronger dose of poppyseeds. Halfshine had said she required more because they had become less effective over time with frequent use. He was reluctant to use anything stronger because of her weakness, but he might have to. He said would discuss it with the other medicine cats on the night of the half-moon. It seemed impossible that she had to go to the Moonstone tomorrow night. She felt as though a hawk had picked her up since the night of her apprenticeship, and it was flying at a rapid clip out of the territory. If it dropped her, she'd never find her way back home.
"I will visit them," Harestar meowed. "Purplethistle, if you would get Cedarberry and then find the Clan. Let them know they can return."
"Yes, Harestar." The warrior was subdued as she rubbed her head against him.
"Bravepaw," Harestar meowed.
The apprentice looked back at her leader, turning her attention from the calico who dashed up the slope. It was hard to concentrate on his words.
"You are strong," Harestar meowed, "and very brave. I am proud of you for holding your ground. Halfshine is your mentor and it is his responsibility to train you in to a medicine cat. You aren't a kit any more, and he needs to accept that. Yet I caution you, listen to him. He is your mentor and it is not the apprentice's place to lead."
"No, Harestar," Bravepaw murmered.
"You have my sympathies, Bravepaw," Harestar meowed. "Working on Hedgepaw must have been hard for you, but it may only get harder. Your sister needs you now more than ever. This loss of her tail will be a blow for her. She'll need your support."
"She'll be alive."
"Sometimes that is not enough. But yes, she is alive. Go on now."
She bent to pick up the bundle. It had grown cold and stiff. It tasted horribly. Soon it would be gone from camp and forgotten. Hedgepaw would recover. Maybe, one day if she wanted, Bravepaw would show her where she buried her tail. But only if Hedgepaw was ready.