For the longest time, Legosi and I didn't say anything to each other- or at all. We simply wandered up to Officer Clawhauser's desk to collect our special case badges. "Here you are! Two private-eye detective badges. Very cool," the cat handed them over. "Thank you," I took it, having enough tact not to correct his mistake. We weren't private-eyes exactly but close enough. Legosi took his badge and put it into his pocket without a word. He acted aloof and almost scared, I'd say. I don't think he was keen on the idea of being my partner, and again, I don't blame him. Chief Bogo made it crystal clear that if anything bad happened to me, it would be his job on the line. Not only did Legosi have to help solve this case but double-act as my bodyguard. Yeeeeeeeeah, I can see why he wasn't excited for this. Or at least that's how I understood it. If he was happy, he was doing a damn good job hiding it.
The phone rang and Officer Clawhauser left us alone to answer it. For the first time that day I turned my head right to Legosi, forcing a grin. Ok, Haru; just stay calm. It's his job to protect you; it's your job to keep his nerves under control. Just act relaxed, like it's no big deal. That's easier said than done, let me tell you. My head cocked to the side a little as I did my best to act natural; and yes, I know the irony here. Let's move on.
"So uh…. um…." Oh dear god, why is it so hard to talk to him? Is it because he held me so close that I could feel his heartbeat last night? Is it because I know that was his predator instinct taking over himself? Is it because I secretly really enjoyed being coddled in his arms like that? Is it because I know none of that had to do with our actual feelings but pure animal instincts? Dear lord, this is impossible! I took in a deep, cleansing breath. You can do this, Haru; just be yourself. You can do this…
"I don't know about you, but I'm starving! Wanna go to the canteen and grab something to eat?" Now that sounded too eager- like unnaturally so. Jesus, Haru! Is it so hard just to calm down around him? That pounding in your chest isn't your emotions- it's your animalistic desire to be protected from other carnivores. That would only be heightened after what happened last night. These nerves aren't coming from a place of affection…. It's not like you "like" him or anything; that's…. impossible. Just accept your inner nature and move on; it's the only way I'll be able to function organically around him. With another long inhale, I visibly relaxed my shoulders this time. Now I was able to smile up at him naturally…. Well, sorta. It's better than my first forced grin. Yay, progress!
So the two of us walked down to the canteen- again, in silence. I'd never been to the canteen before, despite it being chalked full of free food for employees. Don't get the wrong idea- this was no luxurious buffet. It had two sections; one for herbivores and carnivores. The counters were clearly not designed for someone my size. I couldn't see over the counter so an uncomfortable rhino had to help me gather a plate. I have a bit of a sweet tooth so it was mainly donuts and fruit. Legosi's plate was the exact opposite of mine, consisting of crispy tofu and eggs. We took our trays and went to sit down near the back of the room, where we wouldn't be such a spectacle; no one knew of our partnership so far, after all.
I tucked into my food right away, not sure what I should do if I didn't start eating. Legosi, on the other hand, didn't eat anything but instead electing to sip at his lukewarm tea. I had to sit on Legosi's sack so we were at eye-length…. Or at least I could see over the tabletop. Poor Legosi's eyes again gazed everywhere but at me; they only shyly peaked at me ever so slightly when my voice suddenly broke the quiet out of nowhere.
"T-Thanks again for letting me sit on your bag. My height is perfect now," well almost. This forced, awkward, tiny grin rolled up the corners of his mouth- just the corners. "I see; that's good." My own small smile began to fade. Awe, poor guy….. This must be so tense for him. What can I do? How can I make this better for him? I wonder what he could be thinking right now….
[Oh, god! I'm repenting from the bottom of my heart. With everything that's happened recently, I thought I've matured a bit, but I was wrong. I thought I started walking, but, in fact, I'm not moving. I was arrogant. I haven't changed. Because I can't even say a single word to her!]
Mmmmm, maybe he's on edge because of what the chief told him. Well if that's the case… One side of my lips curled upward. "Hey, d-don't worry about what Chief said earlier. I-It'll be perfectly safe; I'll be fine. Nothing'll happen; you don't have to worry….." This didn't have the desired effect. Legosi didn't reply, making me anxious. He simply watched me indirectly showing no emotion in his expression. My heart sank. Does he even like me? I wouldn't blame him if he didn't. I've caused him nothing but trouble thus far, even though what happened last night wasn't my fault. Still, I didn't want to give up. I mean, he wasn't even eating in front of me; maybe he was nervous to. "A-Aren't you hungry?" I heard myself ask aloud without my brain's permission to speak. I hoped this uneasy stutter would go away soon.
Legosi's gaze shifted around for a second; his mouth opening slightly. "I will…. eat," he hurried to find his fork. He took a large bite of his food, filling his cheeks. When I saw his fangs, my leg gave a small kick- instinctually, of course. I remembered the jaws of the jaguar last night and how he wanted to take a bite out of me. His teeth were just as sharp as Legosi's…..
I gave myself a harsh, chastising mental kick. What the hell is wrong with me?! Legosi's the one who saved me from that creep! If he was going to eat me, he would have done so last night when he had me in his grasp. Legosi can't help the fact that he's a wolf and has canine teeth- that's just the way it is. He can't help that just like I can't help the fact that I have two long ears. Sure, I'll admit…. his fangs do freak me out a little….. But that's to be expected! He's a wolf and I'm a rabbit; it would go against the laws of nature for me to be comfort with any carnivores' fangs. But we're both fully grown, educated, rational adults; we can get passed out nature animal instincts…. most of the time. Legosi's fangs and claws are scary but I have no reason to be scared. I'm perfectly safe right now; I'm safe…. I'm safe with him.
Remembering that, my muscles grew less tense. I returned to my own plate, continuing to eat away. After a few bites, I felt it ok to speak again. My eyes softened somewhat as I calmed down. "I wanted to thank you for last night…. You really saved me back there. I don't know what would have happened if you hadn't shown up when you did….." Legosi didn't say anything but was watching me now with big eyes. I carried on. "I'm sorry that you had to get tied up in all this, but I promise to do my best to solve this case as quickly as possible. It is…. m-my first case, so you'll have to be patient with me."
For a moment, Legosi didn't react. He merely kept his stare in my direction as if to be in a state of shock or awe. Eventually though, his lips parted a sliver; I think he remembered to breathe. He didn't say anything and I don't think that was intentional. His face is so incredibly hard to read- he has the best poker face. I don't know if I would have known how he felt just then, but something behind him caught my eye. Something wagged side to side behind his chair; my heart skipped at beat when I realized that it was his tail. Legosi…. His tail is wagging- he's actually wagging his tail! What does that mean? Is that a good sign? He's not smiling but… he's wagging his tail. Why do canines do that? What could it mean? Would it be tactless to pull out my phone and look up "why do wolves wag their tail?"? Probably. Well, I don't know why it's wagging but I hope it's a good sign. I want Legosi to feel better around me….. I want him to be happy. Don't ask me why I do- I just do.
I really, really do.