Meet the Cheater
2 Months Later
Somewhere
"You know, I think if you stopped behaving like a shy bride under her veil, Harry, less people will notice you," Alexa commented lightly.
Whenever in the company of people, Harry would immediately cover up his face with a handkerchief, to retain the suspense over his big reveal.
"Nobody cares, Harry, Alexa speaks truly, friend," Jon said in support.
"But I do! It's not paranoia if they're out to get you!"
"And they aren't! Besides you look more like Hatter in this," Alexa countered.
Harry rolled his eyes and said seriously,
"Oh come on, that's what they want you to believe! Besides I vanish between my fans."
His fans were other kids, trying but, bless their innocent hearts, failing to be a good thief. Not everyone could be Harry Potter. The search for Hatter had died down and London was opened once more just a week after they set off.
Two months had passed since Alex had met these two. After digging the wolves' and her erstwhile father's graves, and after paying her respects, they'd travelled North just to as Harry said 'get away from the stupid place where it all happened.'
"Why do we even want the sword?" Alexa had asked three days into the journey.
They were camping in Jon's two bedroom house sized magical tent that could be compressed to a small handkerchief.
'How was I even alive without magic.'
When asked why he wasn't using it before, Jon sheepishly admitted his Lord Grandfather had 'forgotten to teach him the procedure of putting up tents in his training.' (If that was how she spoke earlier, she totally understood why no one wanted to be friends.) Harry began to laugh at him. Alexa hit him when he explained he didn't know how to set up a tent either.
They were in the small sitting room which had dark grey walls and had a black three seater couch, an ornate black wing chair (which Harry called Dibs on) in front of it, and two black sofas and a coffee table made of carved wood and, you guessed it, black glass.
To complete the look, the lamps gave a haunting white light, there were black vases with blood red roses below a painting of blood red roses in a background of, right again, black.
The ceiling was, as Jon described it, an 'inpervious charm' to stop anything from entering and the starry sky was visible from down here.
Jon could sit on the sofa in his black leathers and still look like an Aristocrat who was in his element.
Harry, meanwhile, could sit in his black T-shirt and jeans on a wing chair and still look like a sleepy kid while looking at the sky with a dreamy expression.
Alexa liked black colour as much as the next girl but this was... overwhelming. She was laying her legs extended sideways on the on the three seater.
Ghost was chewing on a piece of amber with a rod in it. (Jon explained it was a gift from his grandfather, a family heirloom. There was a pause as they both just stared at Jon. Finally, Harry asked if the Potter family had heirlooms like that too. Jon's negative answer may have saved the Potters the loss of a child. )
Hedwig, meanwhile, was off hunting.
"It was the reason for the establishment of House Black, 'Lexi. "
Alexa raised her eyebrows. "Don't call me Lexi. And pray tell why?"
Harry looked to be listening intently too though his eyes remained fixated on the stars.
"When I took the oath as Lord Black, I fell under the compulsion to do everything I can within my power to fulfill the objectives of the house. These oaths are divinations made by Oracles to guide us to the path most suited for the Magical world's good."
"And that translates to compulsion to steal from the most secure vault of a bank that's never been stolen from how?"
And Jon was smiling at her.
"Well normally I'd agree. But then I met Harry 'I can steal anything that exists and then some' Potter..."
"Hey! Don't drag me into this!"
Jon ignored him. "...and now my magic believes that I can steal from Gringotts. So as expected, It's all HIS fault!" Jon pointed his finger at Harry for emphasis.
"I knew that!" Alexa punched him in the shoulder.
"That's not fair."
"I don't care!"
Harry glared at both of then and then they all started laughing.
When they calmed down, Harry suddenly asked, ticking his fingers, "So you get a compulsion to steal from the unbreachable bank, Aunt Bella the sadist, a homicidal grandson killing Grandmother out to get you, complete black décor in freaking tents, people who want to kill you for being in this position and you have to wear those black leathers. Do you really think being Lord Black's worth it?"
"Of course not! Lord Grandfather said and I quote, "This house is a cluster fuck of epic proportions that had driven MOST of the Lords mad enough to happily commit SUCIDE." And those leathers are cool Harry. Seriously."
"Some backing, Alexa."
"Nah. I see what he means." Alexa glanced at Jon appreciatively.
"Well I must be missing something here. And why can't the ministry just confiscate it for you. In fact why are Goblins in possession at all?"
"When on his deathbed, Arthur decreed that only 'he who deserved it more than Arthur himself did at the innocent age of his childhood when he first picked it would earn the sword. And then it was given to the Goblins and the knights of the Round table for safekeeping."
"The Goblins can't touch it, you know. A circle of magic prevents all but the most deserving from touching the sword."
"Oh! Is that so?
Then Harry requested, "Then Jon, my friend, Alexa, my dear Watson, Excalibur has waited in Gringotts for a thousand years. Please, Please let it wait for just two months more. Both of you have lived in some stressful times. You deserve this rest."
They agreed to the proposal.
"So how does Gringotts protect its wares? Got to know it to go through it." Asked Harry.
It was two months later, after they had started their journey. He was leaning forward an expression a mixture of mischief and determination on his face, legs apart, hands joined inches past his face, his eyes sparkling and just ready to do the impossible, Hedwig perched on his shoulders. Now he looked like he OWNED the room.
There were butterflies in Alexa's stomach.
Alexa was sitting, one leg crossed over the other, on a sofa, while Jon paced infront of them, his eyes staring at the black floor, as if trying to remember every single detail.
Jon began, "I went with my Lord Grandfather once. First, we go to the Front desk reception, show our vault key, which is checked for tampering. Otherwise, if we don't have the key, shed some blood on a parchment which will display the houses you've access to."
"You have your Gringotts key, Jon?" Alexa asked.
"Of course. In fact Harry could use his blood too, but only if he or I am ready to face the wrath of the whole Goblin Nation on us if we somehow succeed."
Alexa shut up.
"Next a Goblin takes you to the cart which leads down to the mines. The cart only works as long as there's a goblin driving it. Now, you pass through Thief's Downfall, a huge potion that washes away all magic.
"We will almost certainly lose the Polyjuice Potion from our bodies. At the other side of the Thief's Downfall, four archers are at the ready to shoot anyone displaying the slightest change.
"Ok. Hmn. And the other methods? Make up?" Harry asked.
Jon had explained the properties of Polyjuice Potion to them, along with other disguise techniques. Jon nodded.
"Transfiguration is washed off with other magic. And make up: assuming anyone is even fooled, is seldom water proofed."
Harry nodded, now staring at space. Alexa couldn't see a way around the front desk.
"Then the vaults start. We will be going towards the deepest vaults of course, whether it is the Pendragon one or those of the Potters or Blacks."
"Of course we will," Alexa said.
"Sometimes a thief from a real magical family tries to steal from others. So the path from there is gaurded intermittently by Goblins."
"Of course."
"An Opal Dragon, whose fire burns through metals easily gaurds all vaults. It will kill us as soon as we do something in a Heartbeat."
"Very well."
"Oh COME ON Harry! Just admit it is IMPOSSIBLE!"
Harry just smiled at her and nodded at Jon to continue.
"Then if we somehow reach the Pendragon vault, only a true Knight of the Round table can open it. The Blacks were on the Round table."
"What's the problem then?" Alexa asked, confused.
"I repeat, Only the Blacks and the Goblin Gaurdians can open it. Everyone will suspect us, as they should."
"Even then, the inside of the vault with the sword will be heavily gaurded by exceptionally talented Goblin Warriors, who will slice us into pieces in seconds. They will be in Goblin armour. We can't shoot them, as Goblin steel is the hardest Also, the vaults are warded against magic so no wands will work."
"If we somehow manage to reach the sword, it is stuck in stone. Only someone deserving of it may take it out."
"We know no magic except for your passive legilimency and calming powers and that you're a water elemental.
"Impossible. Completely impossible."
Jon, of course, thought so too. Harry, on the other hand began asking some questions.
"First. How well do you know your family?"
"Quite well."
"Ok. Second. Will phoenix travel work once within Gringotts?"
"I think so. But not in the vaults, of course."
"Of course. Third. Can Ghost live for sometime on his own without you? Say hypothetically for a week or so in Diagon Alley?"
"I think so."
"Good. Now we will go CRASH the bank whenever you want. But I'll need some time for preparation, say 3-4 months? Then the sword is yours if you deserve it."
Jon stopped pacing in shock, even stumbled a bit (and Jon never stumbles), and just stared at Harry.
Alexa's jaw fell to the floor.
"This expression does not become your station, My Dearest Watson."
Day after day, Alexa was getting anxious. Day afterJon was getting more and more confused. Meanwhile, day after day Harry was becoming more and more mysterious.
For the previous two months, Jon had trained Harry and Alexa some in the art of sword weilding. He had many blunt practice blades in his pouch.
Harry, Jon felt, was a natural swordsman at about 2 and a half feet long swords with his agile and slashing style, while Alexa was more than adequate at twin long daggers, with her nimble fingers and excellent hand coordination.
Alexa was much better than Jon with the bow, which was perhaps her real weapon, perhaps a prodigy if her skill was nurtured while Harry was just passable. Though he'd perhaps the best aim of the three, he couldn't release arrows to save his life.
Jon said he would be much better with his wand. Harry just shrugged unconcerned.
They'd practice in the mornings before breakfast, sometimes buy food at the nearest town at noon, and would travel for most of the day, set camp before sunset, and sometimes set up a small campfire. As winter approached, they had to slowly start staying indoors, though Harry did indeed buy them woolens with the money in his possession.
When it was Christmas eve, and they were near Birmingham, Harry put the first part of his plan into action. His request for his Christmas present was rather strange. And so Alexa found herself in a telephone box calling the nearest police station.
In her hand was a short series of sheets that Harry had handed to her after sealing it and said to read aloud for the first time to the person in the control room at the police station. So she opened the envelope and began to read.
"Hello!"
"Yes. Digbeth police department."
"Yes, I'm Hermione Granger. A boy just gave me a list of messages in an envelope and he said I would enjoy reading them to you."
"What the—"
"Ok I'm reading! Um... (Affecting a boyish voice) 'He's asking: Are you are a Manchester United fan?' "
"Uh no... that's Adams the other guy in the control room."
"I see. Now... 'Are you the divorced guy then?' "
"Hey! Yes, I'm divorced, and that's rude by the way."
"I'm just reading cards you know. Oh here's your card. Okay... 'So I don't know your name but you are a healthy man about 35 years of age, who was divorced in the last 2 years, no kids, joined the Police influenced by your father, but currently hate it, are currently under a bank loan due in about an year and you're struggling to pay it. Your current girlfriend is honest to you, so stop worrying about her, though I don't recommend marriage in the next two years. Also, if you're interested, the brunette on night duty fancies you. Do I have you attention?' "
'...'
'...'
"Could you be faster? It's just a simple Yes/No answer. He says for No, 'I'm Perry Hatter and you've just doomed your job and your Police Station, you Moron .' Now I'm supposed to laugh evilly. Um... BwaHaHaHa..."
"...YES Yes Please Yes. I'm available now. Just shocked a bit. ...an' Mary's not cheating... Huh I just get worried sometimes..."
"The answer for Yes is, 'Call all the others too. All of them.' Now I have to wait for the others."
There's sound of commotion and shouting and something like '...rry Fucking Hatt..' and '...erlock Holm...' and '..rses Right here.'
"Are all of you there yet? He says 'He can tell'. "
"Yes all of us are here now. When did you last see that boy, young miss?"
"He says that (again boyishly) 'You'll see me soon. Now the necklace was accidentally stolen and the money was for subsistence. So I'll return the necklace but not the money. And I am Six, not Five.' And personally speaking, you shouldn't mistake his age. That's plain rude. He also has a message for the Queen, uhm... "Lizzy, stop fretting. I'll give you your necklace before the year ends. Merry Christmas! Donate the prize money to charity." Now he's... ah... asking you to bang your hands on the nearest desks and make lots of noise for about one minute."
There was lots of noise on the other end. Until suddenly, "Look at that. There, he's running away on the bike. Follow him you Idiots! It was a FUCKING Distraction."
"Sir, we're locked in. The windows are all jammed. The doors are all locked except for this one.
"...which is too small for jumping. That kid's fucking Pro. And no don't break them. This Police Station is the only one in the whole of Birmingham that's a heritage site. He must've known that too. Atleast call someone."
"Sir all phone lines except this one are dead."
"Atleast he saved my love life..." said a voice suspiciously like the divorced cop.
"Are you all even listening? Anyway he says ''Merry Christmas and thanks for your gas cylinder. The doors are simply bolted. Just wait for a someone to open them. Send your thanks to Perry Hattteerrr..." Heard that. Nice! I've gotta go now. I've got to brag to my big brother that I've met Hatter himself. Bye!"
"Even I can see the humour here, Alexa,"
Jon said between chuckles at the story.
Alexa continued scolding Harry...
"—And really. This is your idea of distraction. You act like Professor Moriarty, lock them in and run away in front of them? Do you know how dangerous that is. And how did you know so much about him anyway?"
"Just some plain old: observe their vehicles. Spent two hours in the car park, thought as much as I could on what I could see, attached descriptions of the cops to cars when they came out for lunch. And That's it."
"And why did you do it? What's the gas cylinder anyway?"
"I just needed a distraction, Alexa. And you have to admit playing around with them like better than Elton plays piano was fun!"
"You have just lost that area under their jurisdiction their emergency services."
Harry suddenly said seriously, "Alexa, I am an Emergency. If they can't handle me... well deserved I say."
And then leaning forward, he whispered, "Besides I know you enjoyed it, ...Lexi"
Jon who was quietly observing them for most of the time suddenly said, "And the message to the Queen? And what did you take from there?"
"The necklace will be delivered at 1200 am by Hedwig on top of a Christmas tree in Buckingham. Done. As for what I took, well let's just say the plan for Gringotts robbery is well underway."
Alexa sighed, "How completely wonderful. Anyway, do you two boys have any presents for me."
Jon said smiling, "And here I thought that our company was present enough, Alesa."
Alexa was feeling dramatic... Her eyes wide and voice mocking...
"Oh isn't it? The Magical World's richest, most politically powerful and most cool looking child and our country's personal nuisance. I am overwhelmed with emotion that I could meet you O Lord Black and Mr. Hatter."
"No need to mock me, Watson."
Then Harry handed Jon his endless pouch.
"Oh come on Harry. I've had it with me all day."
"No you haven't. That one's a fake, mate."
Jon snatched the pouch out of his hands and on checking the one he had, noticed it was indeed a very ordinary pouch. Jon fumed.
"That's cheating, you... you... you... cheater!"That must've been a very big insult from Jon, as he was slightly remorseful later. Harry was unfazed and even slightly humored.
"Jon, mate, when have I ever followed the rules? Besides, who throws out Fucking hell without a thought but hesitates at cheater"
"But... that's no justification. And it's a personal insult, Okay?"
Alexa pointed at Harry, "Jon this boy here has just refused to return money to the fucking Queen. He has no justification. He just IS..."
Harry said in a sad voice, "Yeah, I'm not that bad... I'm worse!" He finished with a grin.
"Whatever, just give me your presents, Pretty Boy." Jon said.
"Who're you calling Pretty? Alexa support me!"
"Nah! I can see what he means..."
"I hate both of you."
Sometime later presents were finally exchanged. They all gave Hedwig Bird food and treats. 'Happy Phoenix, Happy Life.' And the Queen Lizzy got her necklace.
Harry had given them both the new Nike Hiking and Running boots, and a silver bracelet for Alexa too. Alexa gave them both analog watches. Jon meanwhile, gave Alexa the silver dagger he slew his first werewolf with.
To Harry, he gave...
"...My Grandfather's Rod."
Harry stared at the small golden rod. There was a last small piece of amber coating left. Normally, Harry would've been reluctant to accept such a gift, which had been chewed on by Ghost relentlessly even after its sentimental value.
But somehow, the rod called to him.
Jon fed Ghost the last piece of that Ambery solid. Ghost, who hadn't needed his mother's milk or a lot of food and was now the size of a full grown Golden Retriever, with sharp teeth, white fur and his blood-red eyes.
And then it happened.
And as soon as the rod was free of the last piece, it had flown through the air, after coming out of Ghost's mouth, and somehow lost all the saliva and dust on it in the way, and it hurtling towards Harry, who'd already extended his left hand, his sword hand and as soon as it touched him, it was growing in size and in two seconds, Harry Potter held a sword in his hand.
It was like the Thames all over again but stronger. It was golden and shaped like a longer Xiphos. It was perfect in his hands. Just the correct balance, the correct weight, the perfect colour, this sword was made for him, an extension of his arm, reconnected and he knew he'd never part from it and it in turn would never betray Harry.
In the background, he could see Alexa, her mouth hanging open in awe, Ghost howling softly into the night, Hedwig crooning into his ear, and Jon stating reverently...
"Hephaestus' gold... Perseus's blade..."
Harry whispered...
"What to name you...
Pokey stick of doom? Thruster blade? Piercer? Jack the sword? Sharp and Gold?Anaklusmos? or..."
And Harry raised his head and remembered that it was a Black heirloom which Jon Black had given to him, and that it had been received by Harry in a Black coloured room, that it had a Black grip and he just knew the name...
"Blackflame..." And the sword had contracted to a rod again satisfied with its name. As the rest of the world came back to Harry, he remembered the ones who gave him this happiness everyday.
Jon and Alexa found themselves recipients of a crushing hug as Harry remembered the words he'd felt in the Thames... "I'll always be your home, Harry."
"Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!"
And his magic knew he was home.
"What the Fuck do you mean it JUST appeared?"
The Director of MI5 was shouting at the Royal servants in the middle of Buckingham palace.
Perry Hatter was a Department nightmare. He was already on radar after innumerable pickpocketings when he stole the Royal necklace, literally vanished into thin air. And then appeared in the middle of the building. There were theories like 'the invisible parachute', 'the destructible handglider', 'the two black holes', 'the lift from another dimension' but nothing concrete.
Then he'd driven a car when he was too small to do so, done so without accidents and driven off into the water rather than surrender. There were more theories like 'car remote control', 'the stretchy boy with extensible legs', 'the invisible accomplice' and so on.
Then he'd vanished with the necklace in water. The theories were 'the invisible-in-water boy', 'the little Aquaman', and 'the-world-is-an-illusion and there-was-a-System-error' theory which he personally agreed with.
Then he'd called their counterparts the DoM and they had said there were no signs of magic cast.
Then an MI5 agent suggested that maybe the 'three witnesses were mad-and/or-lying'.
Then they were all polygraphed 13 times each, even the Duchess. They were speaking the truth. The Director of MI5 then requested the DoM to legilimise them and they gave the same result... all were speaking the truth.
It did however expose that the Duchess was sleeping with her valet. Royal divorces are another nightmare.
So, Hatter had indeed jumped of a window and met Bob the Doorman in the next 20 seconds.
Then the boy had the audacity to just hide away and vanish in water. And they didn't even know what he looked like.
MI5 declared him a Quantum Anomaly. Which meant they'd given up.
And now he'd been seen in Birmingham last day and locked up a fucking Police Station, stolen a gas cylinder which no one knew of. Then he'd complained he was BLOODY 6 and it was fucking ACCIDENTAL and he'll return the fucking necklace before new year.
Buckingham palace was put into lockdown. Its Magical wards raised, all MI5 and MI6 field agents gaurding the palace, most of the London Police gaurding the perimeter, the Army brought in, snipers set up. Buckingham palace was a warzone with Queen Lizzy in the centre of it surrounded by 13 armed gaurds at all times (Even female gaurds in the bathroom.)
If there was one thing he was sure of, it wss that you took threats made by Quantum Anomalies seriously.
Then a royal servant noticed a shiny necklace on the top of the main Christmas tree in the middle of the great ballroom barely 30 feet away from Queen Lizzie.
When he was revived after fainting he took one look at the necklace, real, orignal, unharmed, the Christmas note written in a scrawny handwriting, "Merry Christmas, Queen Lizzie!" ( 'He needs some Calligraphy classes' ), shouted at the palace servants for (as he'd later be told) 5 hours 43 minutes, (record for the longest rant ever, by a commoner in a Monarch's presence) and then went throw his resignation in the PM's face only to find he'd resigned.
He dully remembered that the PM had promised the citizens the safety of their Queen and to resign if unable to do so.
A BLOODY 6 year old had accidentally toppled the government.
"I'm getting too old for this!"