Chapter 9 – Broken Survivor

DISCLAIMER: We do not own Star Wars or any of the characters in it, though we wish we did. xD

Author's Note: Anakin needs hugs... and gets them... :P

~ Amina Gila

Obi-Wan sits silently on the floor, eyes locked onto Anakin, who is curled into a ball of misery in the corner. He yearns to be able to comfort him, but he doesn't know how he even can. He already got the impression that Anakin doesn't want to talk, so he's tried to respect that and remain silent. Back when he had been assigned to protect Padme – has it really been less than a week? – he had been elated to see Anakin again. Now that he's learned more, part of him selfishly wishes he hadn't.

Saying he's horrified by the revelations would be an understatement. Never in his wildest dreams would he have imagined that Anakin is a slave to the Sith, and he now knows that Anakin is, in fact, the mysterious Jedi killer the Council has been searching for. And, he thinks, that maybe he already knew that on some inner level; he just hadn't wanted to admit it. He touches Anakin through the Force again, bemoaning the changes he can now clearly feel.

While Anakin had been like a sun in the Force when he was young, his Force signature is heavily tainted. Even while he's not actively drawing on the Dark Side, he's so incredibly dim. From what Obi-Wan remembers, he'd been a caring boy, something which doesn't seem to have changed. It's the only thing which hasn't changed, he supposes.

And now, maybe for the first time, he begins to understand his vision. The darkness – it had been Sidious, trying to turn Anakin and crush out whatever light he has in his soul. Obi-Wan refuses to let that happen. Anakin had one of the lightest souls he'd ever seen, and he knows it can't be gone. It's still there, and he'll never give up on him.

The things he saw earlier, some of them will probably haunt him forever. It's tormenting his mind, preventing him from finding calm and rest. He ought to go to sleep soon – Dooku already brought them something to eat and took Anakin's lightsaber, which he'd apparently forgotten to do before. He can't believe that Anakin has been living like this for years. The scars he's caring will take a long time to fade, but Obi-Wan is confident that they will, given time and care.

It's at times like this when he thinks that the Jedi are wrong about attachments. If Anakin didn't care for people so deeply, he would already have been lost. Maybe he can use that to his advantage, to help Anakin come back to the Light Side, if indeed he's ever learned to use it. Somehow, he thinks the times Anakin draws on the Light Side are few and far between.

He doesn't regret choosing to stay here. He had plenty of chances to escape when they were on the shuttle, and he's not certain why Anakin left their lightsabers in a place where Obi-Wan or Ahsoka could easily have gotten ahold of them. If they had, it would have been incredibly easy to overpower Anakin by surprise and take control of the ship to return to Coruscant. He knew it, but he chose not to act on that knowledge when he realized how much Anakin is suffering here.

Ahsoka told him about her meeting with Shmi, how she had asked her to help Anakin. Now, at least, they both understand why, and Obi-Wan is determined to do everything in his power to help. Anakin deserves that and so much more. He can't even imagine the horror and pain at being first rejected by the Jedi only to be given back into slavery to an Order which thrives on death and destruction. That alone would have been enough to scar someone deeply, never mind the years of torture and abuse which followed.

He shifts again, studying Anakin who has yet to move. Across the hall, Ahsoka seems to be lost in her own mind, probably considering, just as he is, everything they just learned. It's given him a completely different view of Anakin, but he won't go so far as to pity him. What he needs, is compassion and understanding, things that Obi-Wan is certainly capable of giving. He knows that, on some inner level, Anakin must trust him – and maybe care for him. His actions have said as much time and again.

The same is true for Ahsoka. It's clear that, after whatever happened between them on Naboo, they have become closer – friends even – but it's unlikely that Anakin would ever accept comfort from someone who he obviously wishes to train. The only choice, other than Dooku, is Obi-Wan, and clearly, there will be plenty of time for that over the coming days, and maybe even weeks, if they'll be staying here until Sidious arrives.

"You should get some rest," Obi-Wan says softly. Anakin finally stirs, lifting his head slightly and peering at Obi-Wan, expression haunted.

"I don't –" he cuts himself off, heaving a sigh. "Yes, that might be wise." Obi-Wan agrees. At least he'll get some rest, even if he does have nightmares, and he won't be lost in his own mind. Clearly, that's happened to him a lot down here. The pervading feeling of guilt in the atmosphere around them seems to prove it.

Obi-Wan scoots over, picking up one of the blankets and offering it to Anakin, who accepts it warily, almost as though unsure why Obi-Wan is even offering it. The helplessly lost look on his face makes him seem so much younger, and Obi-Wan is harshly reminded of how much Anakin has suffered over the past decade. His heart clenches painfully until Anakin turns away, stretching out on the floor and turning his back to him.

After waiting for another minute, until Anakin's breathing becomes even, Obi-Wan picks up the other blanket, feeling its roughness between his fingers as he lays on the floor, covering himself up and willing sleep to come. It's most assuredly not easy. Every time he closes his eyes, flashes of Anakin being electrocuted dance behind his eyelids. He shifts around, finally drawing on the Light Side and sending a soothing wave to Anakin through their bond before pulling it close to calm himself enough to sleep.

**w**

Ahsoka rolls around on the floor unable to sleep. She can almost hear the even breathing of Anakin and Obi-Wan in the cell across from her, but she can't find the same rest. The silence is only making her thoughts buzz even more wildly, chasing away any attempts at drifting off. Groaning, she shifts onto her back and untangles the blankets from around her legs, stretching them out properly again.

She won't deny that she was hurt when Anakin grabbed her in the execution arena. She'd thought she could trust him and count on him, until he revealed that he's a dark sider. According to the Jedi, now that he's started down the dark path, there's no hope left for him, but she doesn't know how she can accept that. She's seen how he acts. She doesn't know him very well, but there's no question that he's still capable of caring about people; he'd proved as much when he let himself be electrocuted instead of killing her.

But he's also a Sith Lord, and she really doesn't think she should care about him so much. In retrospect, it all makes sense. The way Shmi was acting when she was there, like she didn't dare to hope that Ahsoka could help, and how much she clearly detested the place. Why can't they just leave? It's not as though Sidious can be watching them at all times. She'll have to ask Anakin in the morning, but before she does that, she needs to let go of her resentment towards him. She can understand why he did what he did, but she's still upset.

Sleep, she orders herself. Sleeeeeeep. She can't. Whenever she tries, she inevitably remembers the moment when Anakin was punished on the shuttle. She always knew that Sith were cruel, but somehow, Sidious's behavior seems to border on the extreme. He's a sadist, plain and simple. Or maybe it's just that his cruelty is in stark clarity to Dooku's behavior. He doesn't act cold, at least not towards Anakin. Clearly, the pair share a bond, one which was probably formed throughout Anakin's apprenticeship to Sidious.

Thoughts of Sidious send her mind plummeting back to the truth of his identity. How can anyone be such a good actor? Better yet, how has not one Jedi realized who he is? She cannot believe that the Republic elected a Sith Lord to be the Chancellor, and that everyone is still so clueless. What does it mean for the future? What will happen now? If there's going to be war, and she's quite certain there will be, then the Sith will be playing both sides of it. It's her duty, to the Republic and to the Jedi Order, to escape from here and warn them, but she knows she can't do it alone. No. The truth is, she's not sure if she wants to escape.

Ahsoka muffles a groan, rolling onto her side and raising her head enough to glance at Anakin and Obi-Wan, gaze lingering on the former. It astounds her that he was able to hide the truth so well. How often does he have to act normal when he's clearly suffering? Maybe being down here with him, when he doesn't need to wear a mask, will help her understand him better. She closes her eyes. Anakin needs help, and she's going to give it to him, not only because his mother asked her, but because she wants to.

Despite herself, she's impressed by his resistance and courage. Even in the face of the torture and abuse he's suffered for years, he's endured, holding onto whatever light he still has. He refuses to let it go, regardless of what he has to face. He's a survivor, and he's not broken, at least not entirely.

**w**

Anakin is on the verge of panic. He's surrounded by darkness which clings to him like a sentient being. He can't move anywhere, and the Force seems distant to him, unwilling to respond to his call. He struggles to break free, and suddenly, he's falling down into a bottomless pit. He opens his mouth to scream when everything around him changes.

He's standing somewhere – the details of the area are blurry – but he's filled with a sense of defeat. "You thought you could challenge me, is that it?" Sidious' voice hardened with rage echoes around him.

"That was never my intention," Dooku replies. Anakin can see the Count, kneeling the floor. A quick glance tells him that he'd been fighting. His normally immaculate clothes are wrinkled and torn, and even his posture betrays weariness.

"You lie!" snarls Sidious, and before Anakin can react, lightning arches through the air, striking Dooku's body. He makes no move to shield himself, crumpling to the floor.

"Stop it!" screams Ahsoka, lunging forward. Anakin grabs for her but misses. She comes to a stop, quivering with rage. Two red lightsabers ignite in her hands, crossed in front of her defensively. As he looks at her, he can see her eyes bleeding yellow as the Dark Side wraps around her.

Sidious look at her and cackles, raising his hands. Bolts of lightning rain down on her, but she deflects them skillfully, keeping her lightsaber firmly in front of her. "It is useless to resist," spits Sidious, expression twisting into a cold, gleeful grin. "Don't let yourself be destroyed as Ventress did." He motions across the room, and Anakin turns his head, a cold feeling settling into the pit of his stomach.

Now he can make out their surroundings, and he recognizes them as belonging to Sidious' mansion on Naboo. He sees Asajj laying on the ground in an odd position. He nudges her with the Force. She's lifeless. He looks back, dread coiling within him. This is a fight they cannot win. Ahsoka narrows her eyes, fierce determination and rage glittering within them.

Sidious flicks his wrist, and she's thrown back against the wall hard enough that Anakin can hear bones cracking. "Ahsoka!" he cries in horror, watching her crumple to the floor.

"If you're quite done fooling around, you can clean up this place," growls Sidious, looking at him. "I want them all dead, or you can join them."

"But –" he begins protesting, eyes skating around the room. Dooku unconscious on the floor. Asajj dead. Ahsoka injured, possibly fatally. Obi-Wan – he whirls around, eyes searching for him. The Jedi is kneeling on the floor a distance away, breathing labored. Whatever happened seems to have rendered him incapable of standing properly.

"I did not give you a choice, Lord Vader," Sidious warns, pausing for a moment. "Do it."

He stands frozen, rooted to the spot as he stares at his master – no, he's not his master anymore. He doesn't know what happened, or how this battle even occurred. All he knows is that something went horribly wrong. He's about to say something, when his hears his mother's voice in the distance. "Let him go! You –"

"Shut up!" snarls an unfamiliar female, and he hears the sound of a body hitting the floor. His mother's Force presence dims into unconsciousness, and panic begins to devour him.

A moment later, a masked black figure stalks into the room, holding a limp Boba in her arms. "I am here as you requested, Master," she murmurs, bowing to Sidious.

Sidious gives Anakin a cruel smile. "I grow tired of your disobedience," he hisses, grabbing Boba from the other person's arms. "Maybe –"

"Enough!" shouts Obi-Wan, and the Force explodes as a massive burst of energy sends Sidious and the masked figure flying through the air. They slam into a wall. Anakin looks towards Obi-Wan with horror as he finally struggles to his feet, swaying. He takes a few steps, limping heavily.

"You would dare raise a hand against your master?" Sidious queries, voice deadly soft.

Anakin glances around the room in a panic, unable to form even a single syllable. Sidious raises his arms, unleashing a barrage of lightning on them. He feels nothing but agony as the world around him fades away.

**w**

Anakin jerks awake with a strangled scream, heart racing. His first thought is that it was a vision. He's had them occasionally over the years, but this one was especially vivid. While he doesn't know exactly what had happened, he doesn't think they were trying to fight Sidious. What happened was purely an accident, possibly due to carelessness on someone's part. That only makes it even worse.

The pain and helplessness he felt in the vision rushes through him, sapping his energy. He rolls over, pushing himself to a sitting position and pulling the blanket back. He runs a shaking hand through his hair, trying to regain even a semblance of calm before giving up and throwing out his right arm, slamming his fist into the wall. It makes a satisfying crack but does little to reduce his fear. Sidious was wrong; his fear gives him very little power. It only makes him more likely to obey his master, but maybe that was the point.

"Anakin, are you alright?" Obi-Wan's gentle voice breaks through his spiral of fear.

He lets out a mirthless laugh. "No. Not really," he admits.

"Nightmare?" the Jedi asks.

He mutely shakes his head. "I think it was a vision."

"Do you want to talk about it?" queries Obi-Wan after a few seconds. That he managed to scoot right next to Anakin without him even noticing is a testament to his inattention.

Anakin shakes his head again, closing his eyes. He knows the mansion has some shielding to protect against Force – or Dark Side – outbursts in addition to his own shielding, but he remembers Dooku often tells him that his emotions can overwhelm any Force sensitive within a hundred feet of him. He very much doubts that Obi-Wan or Ahsoka are any less protected, but he doesn't really care.

Dooku unconscious. Asajj dead. Ahsoka fatally injured. Obi-Wan electrocuted. The images dance around his mind in a loop, preventing him from finding even the vaguest calm. It scares him, because he knows that Sidious is capable of killing every last one of them without mercy. The vision reminds him of what his master had said on the shuttle. Attachments are weaknesses we cannot afford. Yours were useful to me, but now, they are becoming a nuisance. And he knows that Sidious will try and kill someone close to him if he makes even one more mistake.

"Anakin," Obi-Wan whispers soothingly, hesitating as he wraps an arm around him and pulls him closer. "Everything will be alright."

Anakin knows he shouldn't accept comfort from a Jedi, because he's a Sith, but he doesn't really feel like one right now. Instead of pulling away – which is, he suspects, what Obi-Wan had expected – he buries his face against Obi-Wan and doesn't move, silently accepting the comfort. Maybe in the morning he'll pretend it never happened, but right now, he's content.

He can't bear the thought of losing even one person, much less all of them. There's nothing he can do to protect everyone, except bow to Sidious' every whim. Obi-Wan can't save him now. It was… a child's dream, but nothing more than that. He's probably always known on some inner level that no one could ever save him, but maybe some of that foolish hope remained. Now that he's here with Obi-Wan, the only Jedi he'd ever admired, he can't help but wonder what life would have been like had he been raised a Jedi.

Slowly, he works up the courage to slip his arms around Obi-Wan – fearing rejection if he does – and pull him closer. The Jedi tenses for a moment before he relaxes again. He nudges against Anakin's shielding blocking off their weak Force bond, sending him comfort through the Force. He doesn't say anything, not that there's anything which needs to be said. A few minutes pass – maybe more, he doesn't know – before his anxiety over his vision begins to fade to an extent. It's not nearly as prominent, and he feels safer – though he shouldn't – with Obi-Wan holding him.

It doesn't provide the same sense of security he felt as a child when his mother held him, but it's similar. He's older now, and far more mature. He knows that no one can protect him from Sidious, but they can certainly make his life far more peaceful. If Obi-Wan had trained him as Jedi, he wonders what their relationship would be like. Father and son, perhaps. Or maybe even brothers. It doesn't really matter anyways. It's useless to think about things which will never be.

Finally, Obi-Wan shifts, pulling Anakin down to lay on the floor again, still curled against him. That's when he feels Ahsoka nudge against his shields, sending a thought mixed with comfort. We aren't going to leave you here by yourself, Skyguy. We're going to stay with you. He sends her a sense of gratitude before turning to make himself comfortable again. Though he doubts that he'll be able to sleep anymore tonight, the least he can do is calm himself.

He knows he should tell them what he saw, especially since it affects them too, but he doesn't want to talk about it now. Maybe in the morning, when it's more of a distant memory, and everything doesn't seem nearly as hopeless he can tell them. For now, he'll just keep laying here, savoring whatever comfort he can get. Anakin realizes, with a start, that had he been in his room, he would have been utterly alone. He's far too old to go to Dooku over a nightmare – or vision – in the middle of the night, and the Count would have likely ignored him until morning.

As he turns the vision over in his mind, he recognizes that Obi-Wan and Ahsoka had both been with him. Whatever the future holds, their destines are forever bound together. He reaches out, all but clinging to Obi-Wan's Force signature as he wills himself to fall back asleep. He rarely has more than one vision a night, so he's not afraid of sleeping – except because of nightmares – and secure in Obi-Wan's arms, he doesn't think any will come.