Chapter 10: Sexy Times Under the Sea
It was just an average day at the Krusty Krab. Squidward walked up to the front door and groaned. "Ah fuck, another day at my miserable job in this miserable town in my miserable life." He opened the doors and every bit of peace and tranquility he had dissipated. The once shitty looking food establishment was now fancy as fuck. There were romantically lit lights plastered all throughout the building, rose petals covering the floor, and a healthy dose of balloons and streamers everywhere. It seemed like some kind of wedding was planned. There were posters of some kind of purple monster and an old white dude literally everywhere. As if that wasn't overkill enough, there was a giant 6'0 ft tall ice sculpture of the purple beast and his grandpa dicks, butts, balls and all naked, making out and groping each other.
Squidward was mortified. He was greeted by his greedy boss, . He spoke to him frantically. " ! WHAT IS ALL THIS SHIT!? AND WHERE ARE THE CUSTOMERS!?" began chuckling. "Eghegheghegh. Oh , there are no customers today! There's something far more romantic happening here today than eating artery clogging krabby patties!" Squidward was so confused. "What's going on today!?" smiled and pulled out a briefcase full of money. You could've sworn he just robbed a bank. "Some weird ass couple paid me to host their vow renewing ceremony at the Krusty Krab! Look at all this fucking money!" Squidward, for once in his life, was happy. "So I don't have to work today!? Fuck yeah! See ya later !" As Squidward was about to leave the Krusty Krab, grabbed him by his massive nose and pulled him close. "You're not going anywhere! You gotta help me drain the Krusty Krab of its water! Our couple are a couple of landlubbers and they need to breathe!" Squidward panicked. "But , we'll die!" got right all up in Squidward's face. "I'LL DIE FOR MONEY! NOW HELP ME OR YOU'RE FIRED."
It only took 10 minutes for the two sea creatures to drain the Krusty Krab of all of its succulent salt water. When that final puddle of water left the building, Squidward and Mr. Krabs held their throats and gasped for air. There are many ways to die, but suffocation is no doubt one of the most brutal. The two turned as purple as someone who was about to get much more lucky than them tonight. Their eyes buldged from their sockets and like a pair of horny gay frogs, they croaked hard.
Thanos, Hershel, and the rest of The Boys all strut into the Krusty Krab. They removed their helmets, and saw that they could actually breathe here. Ser Davos looked down and saw that Squidward and had done just what they were asked to do and died horribly as a result. "Well done laddies." He tossed one more gold coin in Mr. Krabs' direction. "A tip for all your hard work. It was to die for." He chuckled to himself as he put on a special pastor outfit. He walked towards the small sailboat in the middle of the restaurant which held the cash register. On instinct, Thanos and Hershel stepped forward. They stood on either side of Ser Davos and smiled gaily. The rest of The Boys weren't complete idiots, they knew what to do. They stood back and watched this incredible display of passion and romance. Even Stevie Wonder was looking in the right direction this time.
"Thanos. Hershel. Laddies. We're gathered here today to celebrate the long-lasting love and passion shared between this purple titan and this long deceased Walking Dead character! Thanos, you can start." Thanos and Hershel were directly in front of Ser Davos. They were holding eachothers hands and staring deeply into each other's eyes. Thanos began to speak. "Hershel. We've been through so much these past two fanfictions. From me saving you from the Avengers, to you becoming the Crow that one time, to our wedding, to the birth of our beautiful baby boy, and our time spent on Total Drama Island, I wouldn't've wanted it to have happened any other way! I love you! And I want to be with you forever!"
Hershel was shaking from head to all five toes. He wiped tears from his eyes like bears wipe their own asses in toilet paper commercials. "Oh gawd, Thanny. I...I...I.." He was very clearly unable to contain himself. "I promised I wouldn't cry. But here I am, blubbering away like Emo Peter at his first MCR concert." Everyone laughed at this as Emo Peter awkwardly shuffled in the corner. "The best things in life aren't easy. You taught me that Thanny. I thought we were pppperfect for eachother,but I...but I.." He began visibly sobbing. "But my racist ass fucked it all up. And surprisingly enough, half The Boys were racist as shit too." Wilson Fisk laughed. "Sorry about that guys." Yoda chimed in. "Different time it was."
Hershel composed himself and continued. "I know we fought and it wasn't easy. But despite the monster that I had become and the total drama that ensued on Total Drama Island, despite everything, you didn't give up on me. It took me one sorry trip to the chocolate factory to realize that and I'm sorry." Thanos smiled cheerfully as if to say, "It's okay babe." Hershel continued. "I thought there was no chance of the Thershel thing ever happening again but as they say, love always finds a way. I didn't believe it, but you best believe I believe it now. Thank you for making me a better old white man Thanny, I love you babe."
Ser Davos smiled and interjected. "Alright laddies, by the powers invested in me…" Hershel cut him off. "Alright alright, can you just skip to the part where I get to french my man?" Thanos scratched his head. "Yeah Davos, like seriously." Ignoring his hurt feelings, Ser Davos gestered them to lock tongues. The two closed their eyes and stuck their tongues out like famished giraffes. Just before they were about to make contact, they heard a submarine park in front of the Krusty Krab.
Out of the fancy sub walked out President Cookie with his vice president, Ned Bigby, and their corresponding secret service they walked into the Krusty Krab, Hershel spoke up. "Cookie!? What're you doin' here?" Cookie opened his arms wide and gave Hershel a hug. "C'mon man! How could I not come to my president's vow renewal!?" Hershel was surprised. "Ya mean, you're not mad!?" Cookie continued to smile. "Of course I'm fuckin' mad! But, you cared about black people more than anyone else I've ever met! That's more than you can say about most presidents! So, as a gift, I've decided to pardon you for your crimes against our race...I mean...MY race." Hershel was ecstatic. "Oh thank you! Thank you Cookie! I promise, I'll never wave a Blue Lives Matter flag ever again! I swear it!" Cookie smiled. "I know you won't, cuz I'll fuckin' kill you if you do!"
Just after that pardon, Hershel and Thanos frenched so fucking hard in front of everyone! Everyone cheered and partied hardy at the Krusty Krab all night long! Yoda nearly drowned bobbing for apples, Karl Urban's character from Amazon Prime's The Boys shot the pinata, killing all of the candy inside, and Cookie and Ned square danced with their respective secret service men.
It was a long night and a drunk one. After just a few hours of partying, almost everyone was passed out. Negan opened eyes and saw Thanos barely awake. He crawled to his direction and spoke up. "Hey dude, what you doin' hangin' with us on your wedding night?" He tilted his head in his Hershel's direction. His beard was disheleveld and he was totally knocked the fuck out. "Look at that fine ass man you get there." Thanos drunkenly smiled upon hearing this. "You better treat this man right. Your lives together start now. Go ahead, give him the time of his life yah big purple sac o' horseshit." Thanos padded Negan on the back. "You always know just what to say, Negan. I hope you find a handsome gay cyclops that'll love you the way that crippled old geezer there loves me." Negan smiled with melancholy in his eyes, looking at Karl Urban's character from Amazon Prime's The Boys. "Me too man, me too." He then passed out for the night as Thanos calmly kissed up all in Hershel's neck region to wake him up. "Hershel, Hershel honey." Hershel sleepily opened his eyes. "Wwwwwhat is it my love?" Thanos whispered passionately into his lover's ear. "It's time to fuck babe." Hershel still looked tired in his face, but his pants were telling a very different story.
Without even talking, the two got up (to get it up) and swam away to find a secluded area to fuck in Bikini Bottom. Not even needing the gauntlet, Thanos straight up lifted a massive rock next to an Eastern Island head and tossed it aside. A pink starfish was calmly sleeping under the boulder. Thanos winked at Hershel. "Nah, ah ah, no peeking little one." Thanos then threw Patrick Star like a shuriken towards a nearby pineapple. He grabbed Hershel with all the horniness in the galaxy and pulled him under the rock. Although the rock was hard to move, it was about to get so much harder.
The camera panned out slowly as moans and groans from both Hershel and Thanos... but mostly Hershel, were heard. What these two were now doing is completely up to your imagination. We hope your imaginations are sick enough for this shit.