Chapter 11

Since Blair was already in the lobby, she had managed to escape without being caught by Chuck, Nate, or Serena. She didn't want to talk to any of them. Serena had told her to watch out for Chuck, and she hadn't listened. She really wasn't in the mood for an I-told-you-so from her best friend. Nate had betrayed her; she thought that he was a genuinely good guy who wanted to get to know her better. Instead he used her. How could someone use Blair Waldorf? She was Queen, and she'd always ruled with an iron fist. Why had she let her guard down?

And Chuck...well, Chuck...she couldn't put into words what she felt. She didn't have the emotional energy to spend on him tonight. Her heart felt like it had been shattered into millions of little fragments that could never be put back together. She couldn't even breathe without gasping sobs wracking her body. She needed to sleep and ignore everyone else in the world. She curled up in the fetal position on her bed, clutching a pillow between her arms and legs, and screamed until she was too tired to scream anymore. She fell asleep in the lingerie she'd chosen especially for tonight, for her night with Chuck, with mascara streaked down her face and bobby pins still tangled in her hair.

Her phone vibrated with incessant messages that she ignored.

Nate 9:36 pm: Blair, I'm so sorry. I never meant for you to get hurt. Please pick up.

Serena 9:47 pm: B, I'm really worried about you. Please talk to me.

Chuck 9:52 pm: Blair, please let me explain. Please. It isn't what it sounded like. There was more to it than what Gossip Girl showed. You know how she likes to stir up drama. Please just talk to me. I'm so, so sorry.

Serena 10:17 pm: Blair, I'm here for you. Don't shut me out. Just let me know that you are okay. I love you.

Chuck 10:26 pm: Blair, please just call me back. I don't care what time it is. I need you to let me fix this.

Carter 10:31 pm: Hi, Blair, it's Carter. I just wanted to apologize for my part in all of this. I was an asshole, and I have no excuse. Please give Chuck a chance to explain.

Eleanor 11:09 pm: Blair, call me back. Serena said something about you leaving the gala early. Are you okay, dear? I'm sending Dorota to check on you. I can be on a flight first thing in the morning.

Chuck 11:30 pm : Fuck, Blair, I don't know what I'm doing here. I have to talk to you. I have to. Come on, baby, please just answer the phone. Please. I'm begging you. Just five minutes. Please.

Chuck 12:14 am: Blair, I'm in the lobby of your building. Your housekeeper won't let me up. Please just let me come up for five minutes. I need to see your face. I need you.

Chuck 12:48 am: Blair...shit...Blair...I...fuck…[loud bang before line goes dead]

Chuck 1:32 am: Blair, I'm an idiot. I fucked up, and you deserve better. I'll leave you alone.

Chuck 2:04 am: I'm so sorry, Blair. [sob] I'm so sorry.

Chuck 3:18 am: Blair, listen...fuck, the fucking room is spinning. I just need...dammit...I just need you to know that I'm really sorry. I'm so fucking sorry.

Dorota entered the Waldorf penthouse shortly after midnight. She found a disheveled Chuck Bass pacing in front of the elevators. He had practically attacked her upon sight, begging for entrance. Dorota didn't know what was wrong, but she prided herself on her good instincts. She was fiercely protective of Blair, and this boy looked like trouble. If Blair hadn't allowed him up, there must be a reason.

When she saw Blair's small figure hunched into a ball in her bedroom, Dorota's heart sank in her chest. The girl who was usually a tiny, strong-willed tyrant looked so broken and fragile. Dorota pulled the hefty covers over Blair's body and gently wiped as much make-up from her face as she could manage without waking her. She pulled the bobby pins from her hair and turned on the noise machine to hopefully drown out the sounds of the city. In the time that she was tending to Blair, the cell phone on the nightstand vibrated non-stop. Several times she saw the name 'Chuck' appear across the screen. She shook her head and took the phone with her. No need to allow it to disturb the already distressed girl.

XOXO

Few people knew this, mostly because he liked the fact that his reputation led people to have very low expectations of him, but Chuck Bass had not touched a drug stronger than weed in seven months. His alcohol consumption had been greatly reduced to mostly social occasions, except for the scotch habit that took over when he was particularly stressed or pissed off, like when Blair had rejected his request to accompany him to the gala. He credited his more recent sobriety with being the reason that he was really able to see Blair for who she was - this goddess who deserved all of the happiness the world had to offer.

Fool. What did any of that matter now? What had months of sobriety gotten him besides heartache? Chuck Bass wasn't supposed to care about anyone but himself.

So how come he felt like he was being ripped to pieces from the inside out?

He called and called and called. He showed up at her house. He called some more. He just knew that, if she'd let him explain, she'd forgive him. She'd punish him, of course, but she'd see that he truly had good intentions. She was like that. She saw the good in him when no one else did.

But how could he explain himself if she wouldn't talk to him?

An hour after she left, he was drunk, drunker than he had been in months. Several hours later, he'd called every dealer he knew, offering triple the price to whomever could get him the strongest drugs the quickest. Chuck Bass's money talks, and, by 3 am, he had enough drugs in his system to send most people into cardiac arrest.

The only difference between this and the benders he used to go on is that there are no whores involved this time. He'd be lying if he said that he hadn't wanted to call his go-to girls because, honestly, sometimes it's easiest to fuck the pain away. He would numb himself with illicit substances and then screw a nameless tramp until he fell into a dark oblivion.

This time was different, though. As much as he wanted the pain to go away, he felt like cheap hookers were an insult after having Blair. Even through his drug-induced haze, he felt like he would be betraying her. As if she were ever mine to betray, he scoffed. She never belonged to me because I never deserved her.

That was his last thought before he passed out on the cold tile floor of his bathroom.

XOXO

Serena had tried for three days to see Blair, but Dorota had sent her away apologetically each time. Ms. Blair tired, Ms. Blair feels ill, Ms. Blair no accepting visitors.

She needed to talk to someone. She needed someone to help her get through to her friend, but she felt more alone now than she ever had. Multiple times she had considered calling Nate for help, but she was too angry with him for his involvement in the bet. If he was really as good of a guy as she had thought he was, then he would've never agreed to it in the first place.

She talked to Eric, but he had been little help. "It's Blair, Serena, she's embarrassed, but she's the strongest girl in school. One day soon, she'll get up, decide that no one can hold down the queen for long, and she will be back to Nairtinis in no time."

As she sat at the Palace bar, sipping on her second gin and tonic, she noticed a familiar face seated in a dark corner. The slight haze of alcohol lowered her inhibitions, and before she knew it, she was standing in front of his table, hands on her hips. "You bastard! How could you do this to her? I was a fool to believe that you actually cared for her."

He had to blink several times for her to face into focus. "Why, hello, to you too, sis." He slurred. God, he was really drunk.

"My best friend won't even talk to me, and it's all your fault."

"Again with the self-victimizing shit. Not everything is about you. Are you here drinking away your pain? Oh, poor pitiful, Serena. Crying like a little bitch while her best friend is the one suffering," he sneered.

The slap resounded throughout the bar, and multiple patrons turned in their direction. Serena lowered her hands and her voice to try and avoid another public spectacle. All she needed was for this to end up on Gossip Girl. "And who's fault is that, Chuck? You're so concerned about Blair's suffering, but here you are drinking away your problems like you always do."

"I am who I am, Serena. I don't deserve her. I've come to terms with it."

"You're right; you don't deserve her. But that doesn't change the fact that her feelings for you were real. Were you being serious when you said that you loved her, or was it just another really twisted part of one of the sick games that you play?"

"I love her more than I love the air that I breathe...but that doesn't change anything."

"It changes everything, Chuck. Maybe if you would pull yourself together and stop being so pathetic and feeling sorry for yourself, you would see that."

He turned away from her and took another drink from the scotch in front of him, refusing to acknowledge her presence any longer. She growled in frustration and marched out of the bar.