I'm So Sorry by Imagine Dragons
"Stop making excuses all the time, Apple!" Darling snaps. "Just be genuinely sorry for once!"
Apple's face flushes with shame. She looks at the dusty ground, her eyes burning.
"I'm so sorry," she whispers, her voice quavering. "I'm so sorry, Darling."
"What was that?" Darling says, raising a delicate eyebrow.
Apple grits her teeth, knowing full well that Darling had heard her. She meets Darling's eyes, holding her head high.
"I'm sorry," she repeats with all the conviction she can garner. "I love you, Darling. So much."
"I just don't know anymore, Apple," Darling says, shaking her head. "I can't tell truth from fiction in your words."
Apple flinches, a sudden burst of pain rushing through her chest. She clenches her jaw, refusing to let Darling see her cry.
"You just hurt me so much," Darling continues, "and I…"
"I'm so sorry!" Apple suddenly shouts, tears beginning to stream down her face. "I'm so freaking sorry, Darling! I am!"
Darling stares at her, her eyes wide.
"I know what I did was so wrong!" Apple sobs. "Can you trust me that I'll make it up to you? I will, Darling! I promise! Please believe me!"
She squeezes her eyes shut, afraid to look at Darling. She doesn't know if sorry will ever be enough. And the fear is petrifying.
Numb by Linkin Park
"I just want to be myself," Darling whispers, tears rolling down her cheeks. "I can never be, though, with my mother in my life."
She sniffles, wiping her eyes. Apple runs her fingers through her hair.
"Everything I do is a mistake to her," she says, her voice trembling. "It always has been. I'm a failure to her. A horrific disappointment."
She gasps and hiccups, unable to calm down. Apple pulls back slightly.
"Look at me, Darling," she says, placing her hands on her cheeks.
Darling looks at the bedspread, her cheeks burning with embarrassment. She should not be breaking down like this in front of Apple.
"Look at me," Apple says more insistently. "Please."
Unable to resist her girlfriend's desires anymore, Darling lifts her head, looking with blurry eyes at Apple's beautiful face.
"You're amazing, Darling," she says. "Your mother is missing out on a very special gift. You are such a kind, loving, intelligent, brave, and strong woman, and it's her loss that she doesn't see that."
Apple's voice shakes with emotion as she strokes Darling's cheeks, tears of her own falling from her eyes.
"I don't even think I love her," Darling chokes out. "When I think about her, I don't feel anything. Not anger. Not sadness. Nothing. It's just numb."
She lets Apple pull her into an embrace, laying her head on her chest as she shakes and whimpers.
"I love you, baby," Apple whispers, her lips pressed gently to Darling's head. "I love you so much."
Someone Like You by Adele
Apple tries her hardest to enjoy the party her friends have thrown for her. The decorations are beautiful. The fairy lights strung around the veranda are mesmerizing in the dark night. The music from the band is light and joyful. The food is delicious. Only one thing is on her mind, though, and that is Darling. More than anything, she wants to get her out of her mind. She knows it's impossible, though. Ever since she found out that Darling got married last month, the ache of her absence from her life has returned with full force. The pictures of her and her wife on Facebook have gnawed a gaping hole in Apple's heart. Darling looked so incredibly happy, her beautiful face glowing like a thousand suns as she kisses her wife, shoves the first slice of cake into her mouth, dances with her, her smile bigger than Apple had ever seen it. Apple knows that she will never find someone like Darling. Someone with such strength and compassion. Nobody will ever fill the emptiness she feels. She can't even handle this party right now. It's just too much. All these laughing people make her want to scream. She quickly leaves the yard and retreats to her room, where she lies in bed and stares, her vision dull, at the photo of her and Darling on the wall. All she has left is memories.
Tightrope by Michelle Williams (from The Greatest Showman)
Apple knew that a life with Darling was going to be one of adventure. Apple had been raised to live a simple, planned life. Everything was already arranged for her. All she had to do was do what she was told, work hard, and she would eventually fulfill that role she was destined to have. Darling is a freedom-loving explorer, though. Nothing is ever predictable with her. She loves the unknown, the unpredictability of adventures and quests. Apple learned to love this life, too, when she grew to love Darling. She learned to let go, to open herself up to spontaneity and pleasure.
The problem now, though, is that Darling can't settle down. Apple used to love this about Darling, her ceaseless energy and curiosity. They have kids now, though. She can't just venture off on a quest to rescue the Queen of Landpawena like this and just leave her alone.
She tries to ignore the emptiness as she leans down to kiss Fiona's head. She feels even worse as she kisses Silas. She loves them so much, it aches. And that only reminds her of Darling, her brave, impulsive knight who is off slaying dragons and climbing beanstalks. God, she misses her. She feels like she's on a tightrope, unable to balance herself without the steadiness that is Darling. Will Darling be there to catch her if she falls? She can't be if she's gone. And Apple feels more helpless than a baby bird who can't yet fly.
Getaway Car by Taylor Swift
"I don't know about this," Apple mutters as Darling leads her away from the fancy master bedroom.
"We're doing this for a good cause," Darling says softly. "We're not criminals, Apple."
Apple chews on her lip, her heart pounding. Can they just get to the car already? The weight of the diamond necklace is heavy and cold against her chest. There's a sudden crash. Apple's head whips around as she tries to locate its source.
"Run!" Darling hisses.
She grabs Apple's hands, and pulls her along. The air is bitter cold on Apple's cheeks as they dash outside. They jump in the car, the brakes screeching as Darling drives away, faster than a flashing whip.
"Think of how much money we could give the homeless people with this treasure," Darling says, breathless as they speed down the highway.
"I know," Apple says, gasping for air. "It's going to help a lot of people "
Apple is weak, though, tethered to tradition by a taut string. She turns Darling in, the confession pulled out of her by a crafty detective. She's numb as she sees Darling handcuffed, shoved into the police car. She doesn't think or feel anything as it drives away, leaving a wave of exhaust in the frigid air.
It's Time by Imagine Dragons
Apple is there when the confession slipped from Darling's lips, quiet and ashamed. Darling trembles as Apple stares, at a loss for what to say. Lesbian? She's only heard that term once, and it wasn't used in a positive way. But even though she's confused, she holds Darling's hand.
"It's okay," she says, sounding more confident than she feels. "That's okay."
Apple is there when Darling bursts into tears, the yells of her parents still ringing in Apple's ears.
"I will not have a filthy dyke for a daughter!" Darling's mother had screamed.
Apple doesn't know what that word means, but it's laced with venom and hate. It makes Apple cold and shaky.
She holds Darling close, and she doesn't understand. She doesn't understand how anybody could think that Darling is anything but the amazing, beautiful person she is.
A decade later, Apple is there, kissing Darling, every beautiful sensation filling her at once as they stand, swaying to the music, on top of the rainbow float.
Whether gay, straight or bi, lesbian, transgender life; I'm on the right track! Baby, I was born to survive!
Apple loves this song, and this woman in her arms–she loves her with her entire being, more than every atom in the universe, every star in the sky.
"Love is love!" people chant. "Love is love!"
Apple smiles against Darling's lips, her heart filled with nothing but gratitude and love. So much love.
First by Cold War Kids
Darling is a cannonball, flying through the air, flames roaring within her, as Apple's lips press harder against hers. Her back crashes against the door as Apple pushes into her. Their love is like a cyclone. Half the time, Darling feels like she can't breathe.
All the time without Apple, waiting for her to make up her mind, to figure out what to do with her life, has made Darling realize more than ever how much she needs her. She needs her the same way she needs oxygen.
"Before all this confusion," Apple explains to her later, her bare body warm in Darling's arms as they lie in bed, "before all this trauma and indecision and stubbornness, you were there. You've always been there, Darling. Ever since we were babies. And it isn't fair. You didn't deserve waiting around for me. You were there first. The first friend in my life. And I wronged you, over and over again." She takes a deep, shaking breath. "It's fine if you feel like you can't be with me anymore. You truly do deserve somebody who can give you everything."
Darling silences her with a kiss, her thumb brushing tears from Apple's cheeks as they lean their foreheads together.
"You give me everything I need," Darling murmurs, kissing every inch of her face–her forehead, her cheeks, her nose. "I love you."
"I love you too," Apple whispers.
And that's that. Through all the waiting, the tears, the loss, they've loved each other through it all. And that's what they hold onto as everything continues to change, time never stopping for anyone.
Fireflies by Owl City
Every night, they meet. Two little girls, curly blonde hair flowing over the backs of their pink satin nightgowns. They descend through the darkness, landing in a room that suddenly sparks to life. Millions of fireflies glow brightly, lighting the room as the girls meet in the middle. Their names are Apple and Darling, but neither know anything about the other. They don't talk. They simply dance, spinning around the room, their sweaty fingers interlocked. The lightning bugs fly around them, dazzling before their big blue eyes. When they know it's time to go, their eyes grow misty. The girls feel like a piece of them will be missing if they separate; but they have to. They can feel their eyelids fluttering, the morning reluctantly beckoning them.
Neither girl distinctly remembers any of this the next day, but they always have a sense before they go to sleep-that something beautiful is going to happen.
Thank Goodness by Kristin Chenoweth and the Original Wicked Broadway Cast
Apple stands in the town square, the muscles of her face instantly making a smile without any thought. Too much thinking will certainly lead to bad thoughts-thoughts that she doesn't have the perfect life, that she doesn't have everything she could ever wish for.
Daring is at her side, his sweaty hand tightly holding hers. She waves at the townsfolk, blowing them kisses.
"What a beautiful bride you'll be!" a woman exclaims, coming over to Apple, bouncing on her feet in excitement.
"Why, thank you, dear," Apple says, reaching out and squeezing her hand.
She clears her throat and faces the crowd.
"Thank you all for coming and celebrating our engagement! I couldn't be happier! All our dreams are coming true!"
As she says it, her throat tightens.
"I'm so happy for you," says a man. "Now that that filthy scoundrel, that disgusting girl going around, acting like a man is gone, and not following you around anymore, you can finally be happy with the man you love!"
Apple's stomach clenches as rage pumps through her. She wants to shout at the man, punch him even. How dare he talk about Darling like that! She can barely go on without Darling. Darling is the single most amazing person on this planet, and she feels like dying when she thinks of how she'll never see her again. She swallows all the things she's aching to say, though, and forces a smile onto her face.
"Yes, thank you, sir. Yes, I truly couldn't be happier."
You Need To Calm Down by Taylor Swift
Darling's heart drops into her stomach when she walks into the bedroom and sees Apple sprawled on their bed, sobbing into a pillow.
"What happened?" she asks, rushing over to lie next to Apple.
She wraps her arms around her, pulling the shaking girl close.
"It's okay, baby," she murmurs. "You're okay. Whatever's wrong, we'll figure it out. I promise."
When Apple finally calms down and is able to form a coherent sentence, Darling is relieved by what she hears.
"Just another mean comment?" she says.
Apple's eyes fill with tears again. Darling tenses, seeing that that was clearly the wrong thing to say.
"I knew you were going to be like this!" Apple exclaims angrily. "Just say that 'sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me' crap!' But you know what?! That shit hurts! What they said was so, so mean! They said that you and I are going to burn in Hell with the rest of the disgusting gays!"
And she bursts into tears again. Darling feels horrible. How could she be so insensitive?
"Aww, baby, let me hug you," she says, gently taking her girlfriend in her arms again.
She kisses Apple's head.
"They're not worth your tears, love," she says softly. "Don't give them the power to upset you. They're powerless, worthless sorry excuses for humans that need to crawl back into the sewer where they came from."
Apple suddenly snorts, her body now trembling with laughter. Darling laughs along with her. She gently pulls back, wiping the tears from Apple's flushed cheeks. She softly presses her lips to her forehead.
"You're amazing, baby. Don't let anybody ever make you feel like anything less. And you should maybe seriously consider making your Princessgram account private."
"I love you," Apple breathes, pulling Darling in for a kiss.
It's a messy kiss, the salty taste of tears flowing into Darling's mouth. But it's still wonderful, as every one of Apple's kisses are.
"I love you too," Darling replies as they finally pull away for air. "More than anything in the entire universe."