Past

Magna sighed and yanked the kitchen knife out of the corpse's neck. She'd been aiming for its head but, well...

"We need to get more weapons." She wasn't going to repeat the mistake she'd made today - using up all the ones she had on hand and being forced to resort to a piece of glass. If that glass hadn't been there, what would she have been able to use to save Miko?

As concealable as her buckle knife was, it wasn't exactly handy. Not when you didn't have time to prepare for a fight. Not when you only had a split second to act.

Thank god, they at least had some scalpels now. Kitchen knives were big and aggressive looking but they needed a fair amount of force behind them to actually get the job done, especially since hers were kind of blunted from long use and lack of care.

She may or may not have picked them up at a garage sale.

"So you've said," Miko murmured, taking in the disaster scene they were currently standing in. "We'll get more."

Her voice sounded funny so Magna paused in the process of wiping the blade off on the creature's shirt, looked up.

Miko was standing over the body of the sicko who'd been on top of her only hours before, the one that had a bloody shard of glass currently sticking out of its head. Magna swallowed the flare of rage that rose up inside her at the sight of him, at the memory of what he'd nearly done to Miko.

That rage was useless. This wasn't even a person. Wasn't his fault. It was a parasite. She might as well get angry at a flea for making a home in some dog's fur.

"You okay?"

Miko didn't look up, her face expressionless. It was somewhat unnerving. It was rare to see the other woman so shut down, devoid of feeling. "He was a good man."

Or maybe not so devoid.

Magna hesitated, glanced back at what remained of that man. There were rainbow-colored puppies all over his scrubs, though most of them were now flaunting a sickly shade of red instead. "Right. I forgot that you knew the people working here."

Which might just be another reason why he had gotten the better of Miko, besides her lack of skill when it came to fighting.

Magna tried to imagine coming face to face with one of these things in the body of someone she knew, someone she liked. That was a very small list, though. Most of the people she liked were dead long before the Apocalypse ever came a-calling. Still, it wasn't a pleasant thing to imagine.

Miko bit her lip. "He didn't deserve this."

No kidding.

"Shit like this usually happens to people who don't deserve it. That's the way of the world." She regretted the words and her flippant tone a moment later when she saw Miko flinch.

Shit.

She really sucked at this. She didn't know how to comfort people, especially if they weren't a kid. She'd never had to do it before.

Magna winced. "Sorry."

But Miko sighed, raked a hand through her hair. "It's not your fault. It's not anyone's fault."

Debatable. Magna didn't trust the government as far as she could throw them. It would be just like them to cook up an Apocalypse by accident - or, hell, even on purpose - and then go into hiding once things got out of control. Maybe all the billionaires of the world were living it up in some glitzy bunker underground, safe as houses whilst hell on earth unfolded around them.

But this wasn't the time for conspiracy theories.

She hesitated before going over to Miko, paused a second longer before allowing her fingers to slowly extend and hook loosely around the other woman's. It wasn't quite a hold, but it was something.

She didn't know how people did the whole handholding thing naturally. What was acceptable and what wasn't. How you initiated it. How tightly you were supposed to wrap your fingers around someone else's, how long you were supposed to wait before letting go. It was all foreign to her.

She usually just followed Maisie's lead.

What happened before, in the exam room, had been a fluke. She still wasn't sure how exactly it had happened. What had made her reach out in the first place. Certainly couldn't get herself to do it again on command.

So. She hoped this was okay.

Hoped she was doing it right.

Miko's hand drifted a little towards hers, a reassuring pressure.

"Hey," Magna started. "I'll take care of this. You should go check on those animals again."

Miko jerked slightly, frowned. "Magna, no. Your hand-"

Fuck her hand. "Is fine. I can handle this."

She hadn't actually been planning to do anything with the bodies but she knew that wouldn't be acceptable to Miko, especially not when these particular bodies had once belonged to people who mattered to her. Magna had never dug a grave before but now seemed like as good a time as any to start learning.

The other woman resisted. "But-"

"Seriously, Miko. You shouldn't have to do this," she stressed. "And you don't have to. I've got it."

Just let me do this one thing for you.

But Miko shook her head, expression set. "You're wrong. I do have to do this." Magna opened her mouth to protest but was cut off immediately. "There's no way I'm risking you getting that wound infected or tearing one of those stitches." Magna would tear off a hundred stitches if it meant Miko wouldn't have to put herself through the hell she was currently planning to. But the other woman shrugged, the action unsettlingly simple, at once resolved and resigned. "Besides, I knew them - it should be me."

Like fuck it should. "Miko-"

"This isn't a debate. I'm doing it." Her voice was firm, the same kind she'd heard her use in the courtroom. The kind that dared others to argue with her, to reject her words.

Magna's shoulders slumped. Miko had always been the one person whose stubbornness could stand up against her own, even overpower it. "You don't have to protect me, Miko. I don't want you to and I don't need you to."

The other woman scoffed. "Oh, but you want me to let you protect me?" At Magna's frown, she pushed forward, "That's what you're trying to do right now, isn't it? Bit hypocritical if you ask me."

Magna's temper flared. "You knew them and cared about them, Miko. You shouldn't have to see more of this than you have to," she snapped before swallowing a second later. "The image never leaves you." She'd spent ages with Maisie's body before the police had arrived. She could remember what she looked like in those hours far more clearly than she could form a picture of how she'd appeared in life.

Sometimes, when memories of Maisie came to her, the lively little girl of before would be replaced by a pale, bloated specter, giggling as she ran away from Magna's clutches or planted a kiss on her cheek. Sometimes, when she thought of Maisie, all she saw was death.

Miko sighed, softening a little. Her fingers tangled with Magna's, loosely, then fastening tight. She closed the distance so easily, without thought or hesitation. Magna couldn't understand how.

She traced a thumb over the outside of her injured hand, brushing over the gritty material of the bandage, back and forth, back and forth, finally settling on the patch of skin she knew housed her tattoo.

So simple. Almost natural. Like she'd been doing this for years. Like Magna hadn't flipped out every time she'd attempted such contact in the past.

Like their hands were made to do exactly this.

She hated that it felt so good.

Miko caught her eyes, gaze unwavering, resolute. "I've already seen too much, Magna. He was fucking on top of me for Christ's sake. It's done. You don't have to protect me, either." She shrugged. "You can't."

But I want to.

God, she wanted to. She didn't want Miko to have to deal with any of this, to endure more pain than she already had. She didn't deserve it. She didn't deserve any of this.

Not like Magna.

Miko smiled sadly, seeming to read that conflict on her face, and wrapped both her hands around Magna's, sealing it within a cocoon of reassuring warmth. "I need to do this. And you need to let me."

She gave that hand one final squeeze, then drew away.

Reluctantly, Magna let her go.

"I'll be here," she promised uselessly, wishing there was more she could do, her heart revolting at the thought of allowing the other woman to go through this on her own.

Miko's mouth lifted weakly in a smile. "I know."

Present

The dilapidated hospital wasn't exactly Magna's idea of a safe haven but it had walls, a roof and, even more importantly, enough space for all of them. She hadn't spent much time inside the tiny shack that had qualified as a safe house, but it had been more than long enough to start feeling claustrophobic. She and Miko had made a run for the fresh air outside first chance they got.

This place would do. But it wasn't Hilltop.

She knew that distinction rested even more heavily on Miko's shoulders.

The other woman had grown quieter the further away from their former home they traveled.

And she wasn't oblivious to how twitchy she'd gotten the longer they'd been inside the hospital - or The Tower, as everyone had taken to calling it. Her fingers had been tapping up a constant, distracting tempo against her thigh as she glanced around them, watching the movements of the other survivors.

Carol had kept a wide birth from them - or, more likely, Miko - and Magna was grateful for that. She didn't think another blowup between the two women would do anything to settle the obvious nerves of the people around them.

Everyone was on edge, not just Miko.

Magna included.

Mostly because she'd been avoiding Kelly. They hadn't run into each other at the safe house and Magna had endeavored to prolong that luck in the time since.

She didn't know what to tell her. How to face her.

Knew she wasn't the person Kelly hoped most to be reunited with.

Connie had to be alive. If for no-one else's sake than Kelly's. She couldn't lose her. Didn't deserve that pain.

Magna was familiar with how deeply it cut.

Tap, tap, tap.

She sighed and turned her attention to the woman beside her. One problem at a time.

"You okay?" she asked, nudging Miko with her shoulder.

The other woman smiled half-heartedly. "Just not a big fan of hospitals. Even the ones that haven't been operational for over a decade."

Magna nodded. "I remember."

Her first week on the outside had been spent inside the stifling, white walls of a hospital room - and not a very big one. By day three, she was nearly climbing the walls and Miko hadn't faired much better. Twitchy as hell and constantly needling the nurses and doctors for updates on Magna's health and more than a few times disagreeing with their methods. Magna's doctor had been exasperated with them both and looked about as relieved as the two of them once her stay was finally up.

Miko grimaced slightly at the memory. "That was a hell of a week."

Magna could only agree.

It had been a sort of baptism by fire in terms of being thrust back into the world again, softened slightly by the fact that she'd spent the next month after that sleeping in Miko's spare room. Years later and Magna still couldn't quite believe that the lawyer had freaking opened up her home to a former client that had just gotten out of prison. For murder. At the time, she'd had concerns for Yumiko's self-preservation instincts and had made a note to keep an eye on the woman in case this was something she did regularly for convicted killers - exonerated or otherwise.

It wasn't.

Which had just ended up confusing Magna all the more. She couldn't understand what made her special, what about her made Miko want to go the extra mile in helping her.

What made her want to keep Magna around.

To be honest, she still didn't.

Past

It was nearing the end of summer and although the sun above them offered a blistering heat, a cool breeze offset its assault. A small blessing since Miko was currently working up a sweat by singlehandedly digging multiple graves as fast as her exhausted body could manage.

She was about fifteen minutes into the process when Magna found her after a brief inspection of the property - namely, its sizable house which she knew wasn't a mansion but was certainly the closest to one that she'd ever had the fortune of stepping into. Both of her childhood homes could have fit inside it with room to spare.

She'd felt more than a little out of place, walking its halls. Like the cops were going to come and arrest her for trespassing. Perhaps accuse her of stealing, for good measure.

She'd felt similarly in Miss Nakamura's home, especially when the woman insisted on bringing out the 'good china' every time Magna came over - much to her daughter's exasperation.

"Miko," Magna sighed. "You need to rest. You didn't sleep at all last night and today was tiring as hell."

But the other woman shook her head stubbornly, striking the shovel into the dirt once more. "They deserve to be buried, at the very least."

Magna frowned. "It can wait."

It wasn't like they were going to get any deader.

Another shake of the head, another strike of the shovel.

Magna got it. Really.

The day had been a lot. Not just physically but emotionally. Whilst Magna had been trying to cope with a well-worn personal crisis, Miko had been struggling through one of her own. Losing people never got easier. And there was nothing easy about this.

Miko needed to be busy. To be doing something.

She got that.

Didn't mean Miko had to do it alone.

Taking a breath, she looked around. "There another shovel?"

Miko didn't spare her a glance. "Don't even think about it. Not with that hand."

Fucking hand.

The other woman's concern over it was both bewildering and irritating. It was just a cut. Magna had had worse. So much worse.

Hell, Miko had seen her with worse.

Though, she'd been an ounce overprotective throughout that whole shit storm, too. Like she was waiting every second for Magna to keel over and die.

Back then, it was somewhat more understandable.

But now?

For a cut?

More and more, she was wishing that she'd endeavored to hide its existence from Miko. Although, how exactly she would have pulled that off when the other woman had seen her shove the shard into that creature's head was up for debate.

"And what about your wrist?" she challenged.

The answer was short. "It's fine."

Yeah, right. She'd noticed the way the other woman was favoring it throughout their conversation, but she could tell from the hard line of her jaw that pursuing this topic wasn't likely to breed good results.

She frowned, something like desperation building up inside her. "Miko, you're exhausted. Let me help."

"You can help by keeping me company and distracting me from what it is I'm actually doing." She still didn't look up but the tension in her voice was clear.

Knowing no progress would be made, Magna reluctantly accepted defeat and sat down with a sigh. The grass was brittle and browning, poking irritatingly through the fabric of her pants. But the feeling was familiar, almost reassuring as she remembered all the times she'd done exactly this - watching as Maisie practiced cartwheels across the paddock; or supervised her riding Tiny. Often, Morgan would sit beside her, doodling away in his sketchbook, casually creating unflattering mockery after unflattering mockery of her face.

'Magna Carter, in her natural habitat. Note the resting bitch face which is her custom attire'

She'd shoved him into the dam for that comment, but had later stuck the sketch to the wall over her headboard. She'd appreciated the fierce devil horns sticking out of her head which Morgan had crafted with glee. It added a certain flair of character - and it made her look fierce. But then Maisie had taken a blue marker and added a halo and angel wings. The next day, Morgan transformed those into batwings and turned the halo into a ring of fire. Maisie countered this by drawing a rainbow and raindrops to put out the fire. This back and forth continued for several months, until there was nothing much left of Magna in the portrait at all.

Both children were equally proud of their creation, however.

And, privately, so was Magna.

She'd thought of that drawing a lot in prison. Wished she'd had the forethought to shove it into her pocket before leaving the house the day the police showed up to arrest her. At least then, it would have been with the few items she'd collected after she was released.

Likely, her aunt had tossed that drawing in the bin the first chance she got. Or set it on fire.

It was gone from her life just as surely as the children who had made it.

For a moment, there was silence, broken up only by the sound of Miko's shovel and her heavy breathing.

Magna felt useless.

She searched around for something to say, anything that could offer a viable distraction. "So. You were right about the house."

Miko grunted. "Oh?"

"Yeah. The electricity still seems to be running so that generator you mentioned must be working okay. The micro hydra-thingy." It had been the first good thing to happen to them all week. Miko had said that the couple who owned this farm - or 'homestead', as the other woman called it - and the clinic were completely self-sufficient but she hadn't really believed it. Hadn't wanted to get her hopes up.

But she'd been right.

"Plus, they've got like four cars." Who the hell needed four cars? "And a tractor. I'm thinking that we should have enough gas between all of them to get by for a while." Or at least before the fuel went bad.

The tractor might actually be more useful to drive than a car if they planned on going anywhere. Better at traveling cross country, not to mention significantly slower - driving full speed down a road peppered with overturned vehicles and loping corpses sounded like a good way to get dead.

Also kind of fun.

She might just strong-arm Miko into letting her take the wheel of her car so she could give it a whirl one day.

She'd always wondered what San Francisco Rush would be like in real life.

Though, they might have to travel on down to San Francisco to really find out. She'd never been. Maisie had a picture of the Golden Gate in her room, said that if you climbed to the top, you would be close enough to the clouds to touch God.

Magna had found it scrunched up in the bin several weeks before her death.

Yeah, no.

Scratch that.

She never wanted to see the genuine outline of that bridge in her life. San Francisco could suck it.

Miko smiled a little at her words, pulling Magna back from the deadly path her thoughts had stepped onto. "And to think you didn't want to come here at all."

Magna grumbled but had to acquiesce to that. "Yeah, yeah. You were right, I was wrong. Don't get used to it."

The lawyer's smile grew, though it faltered when she struck the shovel down again.

This was going to take the rest of the day, possibly well into the evening. There'd been three bodies, plus an old lady - the wife - that Magna had discovered in the kitchen. She'd quickly dealt with her before Miko could, mindful not to use her bad hand in fear of provoking a verbal lashing from the older woman.

"What else?"

Magna racked her brain, trying to think of anything she'd come across in her brief search that was worth a mention. "Well, not all of the food in the fridge has gone completely bad." It was also a propane fridge, apparently, and still running fine. Miko hadn't been kidding when she called these people survivalists. Kind of ironic, then, that they hadn't lasted past the first day of the Apocalypse they'd spent what might have been their whole lives preparing for. "There's ice-cream."

That, at last, seemed to make Miko pause. She glanced up. "Really?"

Magna's lips curled. The other woman's weakness for ice-cream was well-known. "Yep. Mint chocolate chip."

Miko groaned - the sound doing weird things to her stomach.

Magna frowned.

What the fuck?

"That honestly sounds like heaven right now," Miko said, eyes drifting towards the house somewhat longingly.

Weird stomach adventures aside, Magna saw her in. And took it. "Sure you don't want to take a break and leave this till tomorrow? We could sit back on an actual couch for a change and give that ice-cream some love and attention."

Magna wouldn't, of course. She hadn't had ice-cream for years and she wasn't about to break that streak now. The last thing this day needed was her throwing up all over the woman in front of her or, worse, having a full-blown panic attack.

Hard pass.

Miko hesitated, the temptation clear on her face, but ultimately shook her head. "Honestly, if I stop, I'm not sure I'd be able to start again."

Magna sighed in disappointment but she could understand where the other woman was coming from. "Well, it's almost a full tub, so you have that to look forward to when you're done, at least."

Miko grunted, returned to her task. "Don't let me eat it all at once. Something tells me that ice-cream is about to become a thing of the past."

Yeah. Seemed like that was going to be the case for a lot of shit.

Magna raised an eyebrow. "Think you'll survive that?"

The other woman rolled her eyes. "I'm not that bad."

She snorted. "You burst into tears that time you went to get some from your freezer and found there was none left."

Magna had been horrified. Crying women were more scary to her than any sicko. Like what the fuck were you supposed to do? Pat them on the back? Give them a hug?

Yeah, Magna didn't do hugs.

(that instance several nights ago, when everything had gone to shit, was an exception - and one she couldn't see herself ever being capable of repeating)

She'd ran out the door instead, racing the few blocks to the closest convenience store. She'd had to use that day's paycheck to pay for the two tubs of ice-cream she eventually toted back with her but she'd considered that an acceptable loss when she saw the way Miko's face lit up when she stepped in the door with her haul.

Miko flushed. "Look, those were extenuating circumstances. I had a bad day at work and I was hormonal."

Magna stared in disbelief. "You scared the hell out of me."

The other woman's face cracked in a grin. "I know. It was hilarious. I don't think I've ever seen you so freaked out."

Bitch. She stuck out her tongue in retribution and Miko laughed, shaking her head.

The sound made something uncoil inside Magna's chest and she relaxed a little. Miko was okay. She was going to be okay.

"So," the older woman started when the hole was almost big enough to fit two bodies inside, their surroundings growing dark as evening drew close. "Are we staying?"

Magna hesitated, looked around at the farm. She hadn't come across any other sickos so far, maybe because the property was so far off the beaten track. The next house was about ten miles away, according to Miko.

That didn't mean those creatures wouldn't eventually find their way here. But there was an electric fence that might still be operational. With a little adjustment, they could probably set up some kind of defense - or at least deterrent - around the house. Something that would give them a head start if shit ever did hit the fan, as it was bound to.

It wasn't perfect but it was better than what they had going on the road, living in Miko's car. Less than a week had already proved that was unsustainable. It might not last forever but for now it would do. That was really all they could hope for. It was more than what most people had gotten in this shitty deal that was the Apocalypse.

Plus, Miko would probably get a kick out of having some animals to look after again. Those cats and dogs needed someone to take care of them - and Magna had spotted a few horses and some dairy cows grazing the paddocks, too; had also come dangerously close to stepping on an indignant chicken - she'd be heartbroken if they just abandoned them. And Magna could admit that she wouldn't feel too great about it either.

"Yeah. We're staying."

Miko smiled. "Home sweet home."

Present

"I'm sorry about Hilltop," she murmured, watching the other woman closely.

If she wanted to talk about it - hell, if she wanted to cry about it - Magna was ready. She was here.

Miko nodded, somewhat subdued as she stared off into the distance. "I know you never really believed it could last."

That was true, and yet- "I didn't. But I still. . ."

Miko turned to her. "Wanted it to?"

"Yeah," she breathed. She'd tried not to want that. But it had been hard to resist the pull of safety and home Hilltop had lured them in with.

She'd wanted things to be easy for once. Good.

Had wanted it for her family even more than she'd wanted it for herself.

Wanted it for Miko, especially.

The other woman had actually believed in the future Hilltop offered. In the promise of it.

She'd had hope.

Magna hated that the world had ripped that from her.

Again.

Miko smiled weakly. "I know. Me, too."

They were sitting on what was once a gurney and now passed for a bed. It was only minimally better than sitting on the floor. She wasn't looking forward to trying it out tonight when it came time to sleep. Her back had never really recovered from those few years she'd spent in prison.

She wasn't exactly high up in the food chain there, so she'd been stuck with one of the older sleeping mats that barely had any cushion left to protect against the hard metal of her bunk.

Those higher up the chain had been in possession of newer, thicker mattresses. It was probably the thing she'd been most envious of during her time there.

She knew, when she laid her head down tonight, she'd be met with dreams of that cell. Magna had slept in enough uncomfortable places during the last ten years to be certain of that.

She was relieved her and Miko were sharing a bed again. Even if it was going to be a hell of a tight fit on the gurney. They might just end up migrating to the floor, anyway.

The reassurance of having her body next to her, hearing the sound of her breathing, feeling the press of her warmth. . .

In the past, it had been enough to stave off some of those nightmares.

And even if that wasn't the case tonight, waking to find Miko there was always the fastest way to ease her transition into consciousness, to make her feel safe again.

Magna didn't know what she would have done if she'd lost that forever.

Thrown it away, more like.

She was pulled from those thoughts by Miko reaching for her hand and holding it between them. Her features were set in one of those determined looks she got when she had resolved to be positive about a situation that was drowning in negatives. "But we still have what's most important. This?" She threaded their fingers together. "This is home. The only one that really matters in the end."

Her smile lost some of its weakness, became stronger but Magna could still see the cracks. Wished she could smooth them away.

She sighed and leaned into Miko, resting her head on her shoulder. "Connie's still missing."

The older woman peered down at her. "We'll find her. Just like we found you."

"I mean, I kind of feel like I did most of the finding on that one. You all were too busy trying not to catch on fire, not really sure you can take any credit. Pretty sure you nearly shot me, in fact."

"I did not nearly shoot you."

"Sure."

Miko poked her in the side, smirking as she let out a yelp. The assault was softened slightly by the smile she wore, this one realer than the last. "I'm glad you found us. I'm glad you're home."

Magna stilled, the corner of her mouth lifting to match Miko's own. Home never had been a place for her. She'd found it in the few people she'd let into her life, found it most of all in Miko.

For years she'd been terrified of losing it. Still was.

But for now, it remained. "Me, too." She craned her head and met Miko in a kiss, melting into the familiarity of her embrace.

For now, she was home.

"I wish that one day you'll make it home

To a place you belong, a person you love or a passion you may die for

Where your heart is cherished

Your mind sleeps in peace

And your soul is simply understood..."

― Samiha Totanji

A/N: so here we are folks, at the end again. I hope you enjoyed it.

There's more to come but it might be a month or so before I get around to posting anything. I have some edits I really need to get done that I've been putting off, so that's going to take up a lot of my time. And I'm still working on my sea mechanic fics too (if you're interested, I just posted chapter 4 earlier this week).

But I think there's gonna be a couple of oneshots, another multichap fic, and then the multichap yumiko-centric fic. then a few more oneshots. another multichap fic. and finally the grand finale multi chap fic that I started working on back during the first fic. That one has a little more plot to it.

Also, I really really love when you take the time to leave me reviews. I spend a lot of time researching, writing and proofreading these fics and it means a lot when people let me know what they think.

And if you're interested I just finished another yumagna edit :) watch?v=GNIyYGL83ko