I do not own FFVII characters – though I wish I did. lol

I do own my own character – Jalyne

Author Note: I've been debating on whether to take the story towards another place, but I think I will, since it's my story:) I hope you enjoy this chapter.

Chapter 10 – The Despair

"NOOOOO!" Reno screamed as he watched Jalyne hit the water. He saw her white hair fan outward as she surfaced. Jalyne wasn't moving. Reno noticed the coloring of the water changing and he feared the worst. He broke away from the others and rushed to the railing only to see Jalyne slip beneath the surface. Without a thought, he started shrugging off his jacket.

"Reno!" Tseng called. "Don't!"

"To hell with that!" he said rushing to get out of his shirt. "I'm going after her!"

"You'll get lost in the waves and current!" Elena screamed rushing to him and placing her hands on his shoulders.

"And you would let her drown?"

"Of course not!" she said. "But think about it! You would freeze and be carried away too!"

"Fuck that! I'm still going in!" Reno pushed her hands off him and pulled his goggles down over his eyes. He climbed the railing and dove into the cold, freezing water. As he swam to the dark spot in the water, he noticed he was drifting, the current fighting him. Taking a deep breath, he dove under, swimming deep down. Opening his eyes to search the dark depths, he saw a flicker of greenish light. Not believing his eyes he squinted harder, trying to make out the light. Reno surfaced with a heaving breath. Looking around he saw the boat out in the distance. He had drifted far. Reno saw the light boat rowing towards him, Rude at the oars and Elena keeping a lookout.

Reno dove again, not giving up on finding Jalyne. Every second wasted; her chances were growing slim. He searched and searched the depths of the ocean, to no avail, and to his exhaustion. There was no trace of her. No trace of the woman he dared to call lover but knew as a friend. The light boat came nearer, and Reno dove one last time before exhaustion overwhelmed him.

Rude and Elena saw Reno go under yet again. Both exchanged long looks, knowing Reno would not stop until it killed him. All their hearts were heavy, for the Turks considered Jalyne family, not just a companion or co-worker. As Reno surfaced for the last time, they hauled him into the boat, hypothermia a real concern. Elena threw a blanket over him, rubbing his arms to warm him up. The trio made their way to the ship where Rufus and Tseng were waiting. Pulling Reno out of the boat, Tseng placed a comforting hand on his shoulder, eyes sorrowful.

Reno collapsed on the deck in frustration, pounding his fists on the wooden planks. He hung his head in shame and tears stung his eyes. A light breeze caught his attention and looked upward to the sky. Eyes widening, he watched the white feather floating in the wind. Outstretching his hand, it landed on his palm. Reno…My gift to you. I will come for it. He stared at the feather unbelievingly swearing he heard her voice. For the first time in his adult life, tears streamed down his face.

They made port the next morning. Reno had persuaded Rufus to allow him to search for Jalyne's body. Though unlikely to find her alive, he needed closure. Purchasing an ornate box, he placed the white iridescent feather in its cushioned depth and closed it. Sighing he placed it in his inner jacket pocket and made his way to the Shinra boat Rufus allowed him to take.

They went out on the water taking a fifty-mile radius and worked inward, scouring the seas for any sign of her. Reno searched relentlessly, taking to the water in scuba gear to search deeper. The first night on the boat had him screaming in terror, reliving the scene he saw from the ship. He should have been up there with her. If only he was powerful like her, he could have protected her from Sephiroth. It played in his mind again and again, different scenarios of what could have happened. He awoke a few times to Elena trying to comfort him. Missing Jalyne was influencing Elena too, he could see. There were dark circles under her eyes, and he could see them red from all the crying she had done.

The second day they searched closer to the co-ordinates of where she fell. They placed nets in the water hoping to snag a bit of hope to find Jalyne. Reno surfaced after what seemed to be the hundredth time he dove. He climbed onto the boat and sat down, winded from all the exertion. Rude appeared with a tray of food.

"You need to eat." He said simply. Reno waved him away, not wanting to do anything but go back into the water. The sun was setting, and dusk was upon them. "You be no good if you don't eat."

"I don't want to."

"Since when have you turned down food?" Rude said with an eyebrow appearing above his glasses.

"Haven't had an appetite."

"Reno," Elena interjected, "eat. You'll be no good to anyone if you waste away." She offered him a beer.

"Fine." Reno said taking the beer from her hand. "And then I'm going back in."

"No, you won't." Elena chided. "It's getting dark. Time to call it a night."

They sat around on the boat in silence, not sure how to proceed. Elena finally spoke up and reminisced on when she first met Jalyne. That help dissuade the mood a bit and each of them recalled what was special to them about her. Reno finally fell asleep underneath the stars, tired and exhausted.

"Do you think he'll be okay?" Elena asked Rude quietly not to disturb Reno.

"I honestly don't know." Rude commented. "I've never seen him quite like this."

Elena put a blanket around Reno, to keep the chill of the night off him and made her way to her sleeping quarters, lost in thought. There was no sign of Jalyne, no body, no…nothing. This bothered her. It was almost like she never existed, and she knew that wasn't true. She glanced once to the night sky spying a shooting star passing overhead. Elena fell asleep thinking of the night out in club, dancing and having a wonderful time.

The third day they spent searching at the site where Jalyne fell. Reno searched the dark depths for the woman he wanted, no needed to see again. As he searched the bottom of the ocean, something glistened from the sunlight coming through the water. As he swam closer, his eyes widened when he realized what it was. Lying at the bottom of the sea, was the necklace he had given her. He didn't know why he ever bought if for her, but she seemed to like it and outside of when she was with Rufus, had always worn it. Taking the necklace in his hand, he headed for the surface. As he climbed into the boat, Rude noticed Reno was upset. Sitting on the bench, Reno took a deep breath and let the necklace swing from his hands.

"She's gone, partner." Reno barely said. "I couldn't protect her. I couldn't save her from him."

"You did all you could." Rude assured.

Reno looked up at him, eyes like steel. "You know, I never believed fate was real, until I met her." He stood up then, holding the necklace to Rude. "Keep hold of this, will ya buddy?" and dropped it into his hands.

They returned to Costa del Sol early in the evening. Reno departed for the bar after seeing that Rufus' boat was taken care of. He was intent on drinking his sorrow away. Rude and Elena kept an eye on him from afar. Reno sat at the bar by himself, drinking shots and beers until Rude had to come and pick him off the floor.

They departed for Midgar the next morning, being called back by Tseng, with Rude and Elena at the controls of the helicopter. Reno lounged in the back nursing a hangover. They flew in silence to Midgar with no incidence worth noting. As they reported to Tseng, Reno took his seat on the couch, disinterested in the conversation.

"Reno?" Tseng said.

"Hm?"

"Investigate the rumors in the slums of Avalanche dealings. Rumors are abounding that they are getting ready to do something big."

Reno sighed and stood, ready to leave. "Any particular area you want me to check?"

"Sector Five, particularly around the church there."

"Fine." And he turned to leave. After a few minutes, Rude spoke up.

"Are you sure this is a good move."

Tseng paused from his paperwork and looked at Reno's partner. "How bad is he?"

"Pretty bad." Rude commented. "The nightmares have returned in full force. He dreams of her."

"I wouldn't have thought he connected to Jalyne that heavily."

"Reno was always protective of her." Elena chimed in.

"Rufus thinks something happened in the cabin before the battle." Tseng commented. "If that is the case, he may be further gone than I initially thought." He paused looking pointedly at Rude. "Keep tabs on him after work hours. Hopefully, he won't spiral out of control."

Rude nodded in acceptance and stood to follow his partner.

The first week went by quick, settling into the routine of gathering as much information as they could, reporting to Tseng and heading out to the nearest bar. The night consisted of drinking sorrows away and Rude picking him up off the floor of whatever bar they had attended. Reno's nightmares were flourishing, showing him various possibilities of his time with Jalyne. He kept the feather with him, under his pillow in the box he bought for it. Restless nights led into restless day. The weekend was the worst, going by in a haze of drunkenness and fighting.

Monday morning came rapidly, and Tseng called him into his office.

"Are you done yet?" Tseng questioned coldly to his Second.

"No." Reno answered. He sat there buzzing on whiskey, disheveled hair and clothing and really didn't want to talk to Tseng. He barely noticed the time and didn't even remember most of the weekend.

"Reno." Tseng paused exasperated. "You need to get yourself together."

"And if I don't want to?

"Then repercussions will occur. This is not a request." Tseng sighed. "We all miss her, Reno." Reno looked at the Director with blood shot eyes. "She was definitely different."

"Did she have the same effect on you too?" Reno finally spoke.

"What do you mean?

"She had a calming effect for me." Reno shuffled in his seat. "I no longer sleep." He commented quietly. "The nightmares are progressively getting worse."

"Then I would suggest talking with someone." Tseng stated walking around his desk and placing a hand on his shoulder. "They can help you sort through those emotions. I would do so before drastic measures are taken. You're to stay at the office." Tseng paused. "She did have that effect…on all of us I believe."

Reno stood to leave, pausing a moment. Deciding not to say anything, he left Tseng's office to begin the day. He tried to concentrate on the files that Tseng to no avail. Everywhere he looked, his mind drifted to her. The green of her eyes, her smile, the way she altered the Turk uniform. Most of all, he remembered the night at the club. The way she smelled; the simplistic beautifulness of the dress Elena picked for her.

Reno craved her, he missed her, wanted her here with him, if anything just for her company and quirky off-world comments. He slid his desk drawer open and grabbed the bottle that was stashed there.

"Reno?" He heard Tseng's call. "It's a little early don't you think?"

With a sigh and a run of his hand through his hair, Reno put the bottle away, locking the drawer. Rude soon came to get him for lunch, trying to bring Reno around.

As they sat in the cafeteria, Reno picked at his food, not really listening to his partner. He let out a sigh which caught Rude's attention.

"Want to talk?" Rude asked.

"Not sure it would do any good, partner." Reno answered. "There's too much going on in my head. I can't sort through it."

"It does help to talk. Maybe organizing thoughts will help."

Reno reached into his inner jacket pocket and pulled out the box with the feather. Taking the iridescent feather in his fingers, he held it up. "What do you think this means?"

Rude's eyes got bigger. The silent partner had never seen the feather Reno carried. "Where did that come from."

Reno's features softened. "It floated down after I initially dove in to find her." He paused, studying it. "What do you think it means?" The feather pulsed slightly and shifted color, reflecting the red of Reno's hair.

"I don't know, really."

"I swear I heard her." Reno said quietly. "I just don't know how to decipher it."

"What did she say?" Rude questioned intently.

"Reno…a gift for you…I will come for it." His eyes travelled to the feather, and a shadow passed through them. "The nightmares are worse." He muttered.

"In terms of?"

"Severity mostly. And it's getting harder to distinguish between reality and sleep." Reno put his fork down and stared at his partner a moment. "It's crazy. That stuff can't be real."

Rude only grunted in response but watched behind his glasses a shadow pass behind his friend's eyes. Whatever Reno dreamt about was having a serious effect on him.

"You may want to cut back."

"Say what?" Reno questioned.

"The drinking." Rude asserted. "You may want to cut back."

"Whatever, yo." Reno stood to leave. "I'm out of here. Time to finish the day so I can start the night."

Reno had retired that night, exhausted. All day at work and out all night in less than ideal bars, left him hoping that he would sleep a deep sleep uninterrupted. He was not so lucky.

There was something ill tugging on his subconscious. He tossed and turned and broke out in a sweat. It always started with the fall of Sector Seven plate and the role he had it. Visions of crushed, dismembered people haunted his eyes and the sound of the automated system counting down coursed through his ears. It always led to the visions he saw of her on her home world, the torture she endured in countless sessions. Some of what he saw, unnerved him to think she survived it.

Reno awoke from a particularly nasty nightmare breathing heavy and as he calmed his heartbeat, he stared at the ceiling. If only he didn't let go of her hand while they were running the stairwells, he could have kept her from Sephiroth. She is really gone. It was that night that he began to shut everyone out and withdrawal.

The request of two weeks' vacation surprised Tseng.

"It's not the best time, Reno." Tseng commented. "With everything that is going on."

Reno hung his head lower. "I know." He paused. "But I have to sort through this."

"I understand." Tseng answered. "Completely." He turned to look at his Second. "You really miss her."

"I feel empty," he said, "Like something is missing. I see her in my mind, but where I could feel her…now I can't."

"Reno," the director said sympathetically, placing a hand on his shoulder. "What you are going through is natural."

"You'd think I'd be used to it…with as much as I've been through."

"Time off granted."

It took Reno three days to get to Icicle Inn. He had asked Tseng to take the chopper from there to the northern cave. Tseng reluctantly agreed, telling Rufus that Reno was checking on a lead at the Northern Cave. Rufus most likely saw through the bullshit but authorized it anyway. As he flew the chopper over the Ice Glacier and through the snow, he let his mind wander a bit. Touching down outside of the crash ship, Reno made ready for the hike.

Making it to her ship by mid-day, he stopped in front the door that he shocked open. He was surprised that Shinra did not haul the craft back to Midgar to perform diagnostics. Reno idly wondered if Rufus put a stop to that, wanting to preserve or hides this ships secrets. Running his hands along the script on the outside, the nerves in his stomach tightened. Smashing his fist to the door, Reno let out the frustration and the despair he had felt since she left. He did not understand why she affected him like this in so short of time, nor why she was gone so quickly. Never in his life had a woman affected him so intensely.

He walked into the aircraft, hands trailing the cold steel and wandered a bit through its haul. Walking to the cockpit, he noticed the blood stain from when he first encountered her. Noticing his breath, he gazed at the open cockpit window as the snow filtered in collecting on the instruments. Matches my mood.

Flipping a few switches, the electrical system came online. A holographic image floated in front of him, coursing the track throughout the stars. It switched over to a recording of the last events from before takeoff. This reminded Reno of what she had showed and verified one part of her adventure, giving him peace that she was real and indeed spoke the truth. As his eyes scanned the holograph, something caught his attention. He peered closer and he was astonished at what he saw.

"Impossible." Reno muttered to himself, astonished. The date of the recording was roughly two thousand years in the past. He made his way back outside as evening was approaching rapidly in the north.

Closing the door to the haul, Reno dropped to his knees in anguish, slamming a fist in the snow.

Why did you have to go up against Sephiroth? He questioned silently. If only I had not let go of you, I could have stopped you. I wanted you here with me.

After a few minutes and a couple more punches to the snow for no reason, Reno stood to depart as the sun was dipping below the mountain tops. Turning he gave one last glance at the foreign ship and started to make his way back to the chopper.

Rest now, yo. He silently called out. Perhaps we will meet again in the next life.

As he walked away, lost in his own anguish and despair, he missed the word floating on the snow flurry wind.

Reno.

"What'd I miss, partner?" Reno questioned coming through the door after his two-week vacation.

"Feeling better?"

"Not really, but life goes on, yo." He said and took his normal seat.

"We think Avalanche is moving towards Nibelheim." Rude informed him. "We're keeping tabs on them."

"Heading towards the reactor there?"

"Possibly. Though Tseng thinks that they may be trying to gather information from the old Shinra mansion. Right now, they are in Cosmo Canyon."

Two Months Later

They sat around their usual table at the nightclub on a Friday. Music was blaring for the dance floor, and Adrian made their usual drinks. The Turks settled into a light conversation after a long week of work. Elena looked wondrous in her outfit and even persuaded Tseng to dance a few times, after a few drinks of course. Rude kept surveillance on the crowd and was his usual quiet self while Reno was flirtatious with the waitresses.

It was after midnight when a flash of blonde caught Reno's eye.

"I'll be right back." Reno said, getting up from the table.

"No," Elena giggled. "You won't."

"See ya Monday." Rude commented with a hint of a smile. Tseng rolled his eyes and waved non-chalantly in way of goodbye.

"Yeah, Yeah." Reno grinned. He sauntered up to the bar next to the platinum blonde lady and started speaking with her.

"It's getting late." Elena yawned. "I think I'm gonna call it a night."

"I'll take you home." Tseng offered.

"N-No." Elena flushed. "That's alright. I can manage."

"No. You can't." Tseng stated lips twitching. "You've had way too much to drink."

Elena sighed and offered her arm to Tseng, who dutifully took it. With a wave to Rude who was standing at the take, they bid him farewell for the weekend.

Reno was still at the bar chatting to the petite blonde, laughing and flirting and making a pass at her every few minutes to let her know he was serious about his proposition. Claiming he needed a smoke and fresh air; he guided the young lady out the front door.

Pausing on the street to light a smoke under the streetlamp, the blonde swooped in for a kiss, running her hands through his hair. Taking the cue, he reciprocated, running his hands all over the lady's body. The hairs on the back of his neck raised up, and not from the girl's administrations with her finger. Breaking the kiss, he followed his intuition and looked across the street to the opening of the alleyway.

In the full moon blue light, Reno saw her; dressed in a black high-low jacket that gathered at the waist, black pants that flared slightly at the knee, chucky heeled boots and with long silver-white hair walking away. She glanced back at them over her left shoulder, and Reno swore in the midnight's light, he saw the blue aura frame her.

Wanting to call out, the lady at his side commandeered his attention and when he looked back at the alleyway a few seconds later,

She was gone.