'Three Cheers for Sweet Revenge', 'The Black Parade', 'From Under the Cork Tree'—the fuck? "Found it!" I pulled the used CD out of the assortment of My Chemical Romance—and apparently accidental Fall Out Boy—albums.

"Lucky; that's out of print," commented Kagura as she walked up behind me and put her arms around my waist and rested her chin on my shoulder. I felt a blush creeping up and my heart began to beat quickly within my chest.

It was the little things.

And Bankotsu be damned.

I was happy, at least. And somehow, I think I made her happy, too.

We exited the music store, hand in hand, and began our walk through the shopping mall. This one was still bustling with life and not just dimming lights, as opposed to the mall Miroku and I usually went to. We went there to do hoodrat shit. Kagura and I were here for a pseudo-date and to shop.

She bought me a guitar pick necklace and a new hoodie. I didn't expect such kindness from her. Kagura said I looked good and she didn't want me to get cold this fall and winter. She's very kind that way.

To me, at least.

Only hours ago, we were skating the back parking lot and I watched Kagura shove Renkotsu off his board for making a crack at her rusty skate skills. It was the same thing I would expect of myself and Miroku. I think she was mostly mad at his comment because he said Bankotsu was better than her at skateboarding. Things were apparently nonexistent between the two of them at the moment. Kagura had already moved most of her stuff to her paternal grandmother's house, where she would be staying for the upcoming school year. Renkotsu helped her and they randomly hit me up to be mall rats for the evening.

Until the rent-a-cop chased us away, that is.

Renkotsu dipped at that and Kagura stuck her tongue out as the wanna-be bacon drove away in his golf cart. I grabbed her hand and walked her back to our cars so we could stow away our skateboards and go be the best kids inside the mall instead of skating the property like a pair of degenerates. Kagura said she wanted to graffiti the back of the building. I just laughed, knowing she would probably never do it.

She fucking did it.

I was impressed.

A quickly-drawn, but no less beautiful maroon, white, and black mural now graced the back of the mall near my apartment. Fireworks, fire, feathers, and our initials in English and some curses in the most gorgeously-crafted kanji I'd ever seen.

And now we sat in the food court enjoying our cheap dinner date.

"I don't want to go home," said Kagura. She lost interest in her meal and was now resting her elbow on the table and cupping the side of her face in her hand. Her ruby eyes scanned the area, seemingly admiring the architecture.

"You're not going home," I said. "Are you? I thought you were going straight to your dad's from here."

"I am…" Kagura sighed. "But I still don't want to go."

"Why not?" I asked. "A beach vacation sounds pretty awesome to me. Wish I could go."

Kagura smiled. "I wish you could, too."

I smiled back at her. That would be quite amazing… I briefly imagined walking along the coastline with Kagura, holding her hand, watching the sunset…

"Sango?"

"Hmm?"

"You okay?" Kagura gently took my hands in hers.

"Yeah, I'm good, just spaced for a moment…" I nervously averted my gaze to the cheesy dragonfly theme above us. "…I do that sometimes."

Kagura chuckled. "I know. It's cute." She stood up and offered me her hand. "You always look like there's something on your mind. Like you're always creating something, always forming some kind of idea, or plan."

"I wouldn't go that far…" I allowed the older girl to help me up and we threw away our trash and began our final trip around the building. "I have trouble expressing myself sometimes…" I admitted quietly.

She was not wrong, though. I was always thinking. I was a woman of few words most of the time, preferring to observe and only throw in my two cents when I deemed it to be valuable. What was I thinking of? Usually music, books, movies, games, travel… on good days. I thought of Kagura often. I thought of her smile and her pretty eyes. I thought of our conversations and how I was beginning to love the way her voice sounds, the way her hands feel, the serendipitous comfort I found in her embraces and the flutter of anxious butterflies in my chest at the slightest accidental touch.

Soon enough, we concluded our adventure for the day. I walked the lady to her car, a few rows away from mine. We awkwardly stood before one another. Kagura was ever so slightly wringing her hands together. I had my own shoved deep into my pants pockets.

She'll only be gone a week…

At least finals will be over in a few days and I'll have another basement show to look forward to.

"Have fun on your little family adventure," I offered with a half-smile.

"I'm sure it won't be too bad," said Kagura. She put her hands on my waist and pulled me a little closer to her.

My heartrate quickened, as per my usual raging hormones and crippling anxiety. I reciprocated in my own awkward way and rested my hands on Kagura's shoulders. A cool summer breeze passed us and wafted the distinct scent of her perfume to my senses. That alone was already becoming like a drug to me. Kagura both comforted and frightened me at the same time. I felt too safe with her, in such an unsafe and stupid situation.

I'll miss you… I didn't dare speak it aloud. I kept myself in check with her as much as I could. The lines were very blurred between Kagura and Bankotsu… and Kagura and myself. My heart could be in dangerous territory before too long. But I was too happy in the moment to care. There's just something about her…

"I'll miss you, Sango," Kagura said in a soft voice. My eyes met hers. There was an honesty and vulnerability in her gaze that cracked the guard I put up around myself.

"I'll miss you, too," I admitted. "But it's only a week. Enjoy the time with your family." I managed a weak smile.

"Yeah…" Kagura looked off toward the setting sun. "Dad's really trying… I'm taking him up on all his offers." She turned back to me. "You know, I was going to ask you to come with me..." I almost died of happiness, a little. "Dad wants it to be a family thing, though. But, he does want to meet you sometime. My stepmother does, too."

Oh? She's told her family about me?

"Well…" I wasn't sure how to react to that… I liked to think I was the kind of person someone could bring home to their parents, but still… "It would be an honor to meet your parents sometime, Kagura."

A real smile took over her features. The kind of genuine smile that reaches one's eyes. The taller girl surprised me with a crushing hug and I was briefly drunk on her presence. I returned the embrace, laughing a little into her shoulder.

"That would be rad!" Kagura pulled back, her hands once again resting on my hips. "They already like you."

"Oh gods, what all have you told them?" I asked, chuckling nervously.

"Well…" Kagura leaned back against her car, pulling me with her a little. "They know you're in a Master's program. That got my father's interest. He thinks it's really cool that you are thinking of becoming a professor someday. He looked worried when I told him I met you at the ShipHole, though."

We both laughed at that last part. That place seemed to be a cesspool, in terms of people finding one another there, spawning either love or loss. Or some ungodly amalgamation of both. I carefully let my guard down a bit further and leaned against Kagura. She protectively put her arms around me, holding me close. I could feel her heartbeat against mine, nearly in complete sync. I inferred that she, too, was at least a little nervous, despite not showing it.

I wasn't used to human contact. I wasn't used to comfort. I came from a military family; while we were very loving, we were not the best at expressing physical emotions. My mother and Kohaku were the anomalies and both very expressive, though. Kohaku was sensitive and Mother was more touchy-feely. I was unintentionally reserved, stoic, and stone, like Father. I grew up being 'one of the boys' and even my current friend group was not very physically affectionate (aside from Miroku and his wandering hands).

But, this was nice. Unique and new to me. A different kind of comfort than the rare hug from my father or a drunken embrace from Miroku or Kagome.

Our moment of peace was finally interrupted when Kagura announced she had to leave soon. I could tell she didn't want to. We ended our night together with a tight embrace and she left me love-drunk in the mall parking lot. I could still feel her soft lips against my cheek.

The tension between the three of us—mostly the two of them—was getting unbearable. I could feel my own anxiety reaching a boiling point. Another dead mall arcade adventure with Miroku and a very bitchy Mei. This time, she didn't call her mother to come rescue her after she left us. Instead, she called Miroku to tell him she was about to walk into oncoming traffic… after she ignored and hung up on both of our phone calls for ten minutes straight.

I was already in a bad mood to begin with today. Their bullshit was just the unfortunate cherry on top.

I woke up far too early for my liking on my day off due to the first nightmare I'd experienced in while—probably since I met Kagura—about my mother. I had to relive her dying over and over… I couldn't get back to sleep immediately so I tried to start my day with a mimosa. And ended up passing out on my couch and spilling the second mimosa all over myself in my sleep.

That time, sleep yielded a terrible temptress of a dream for me. I dreamt of having sex with Kagura. It was a very vivid dream. Vivid enough that I made a third mimosa and then immediately took a cold shower afterward. And then drank a whole pot of coffee and sampled three and a half cigarettes from the stale pack Miroku left at my place from the last time he was over.

By then, it was noon and Miroku had contacted me about hanging out. I obliged, completely blind to the fact that he would be arriving via Mei's mother's car, with Mei. I should have taken another shot before we left.

We rescued Mei from walking into the traffic. It was an entire scene, to say the least. Somewhere between us following her across the many derelict parking lots surrounding the rotting corpse of capitalism via my car and then parking and chasing her on foot-and attracting many eyes-I lost my shit.

Mei slapped Miroku in the face when he came up to her, apologizing, and then she turned and ran from him… in the middle of an upper-class restaurant parking lot. And it was packed. Miroku gave chase, as did I. And I gave up when she made a beeline for the busy intersection and Miroku was pleading with her to calm the fuck down and stop causing a scene.

I came to, I don't know how much longer later, my knuckles bloody, my right thigh bruised and sore, and the faintest scratch of unintelligible whispering in the back of my mind, just out of reach of my own hearing.

Miroku drove us home to my place. He seemed to completely forget the fuming and volatile Mei in my backseat, in favor of me. I don't know why he was so worried. I wasn't about to walk into an intersection all the while cursing out my boyfriend and his best friend.

Then again, I haven't had an episode in years. Since I was nineteen.

Miroku was the only other person who knew, aside from my parents, Kohaku, and Yura, the ex-friend of mine and current gas station attendant.

The whispering was quieter, now that I was home, safe, in my apartment. My comfort zone.

Miroku and I sat on the bathroom floor while he tended to my bloodied hands.

"Sango…" Miroku said my name quietly. "I'm sorry…"

"What for?"

Miroku sighed. "I made you do this…"

"No…" I did it… even if I don't remember… and unfortunately, you are dating the catalyst for all this, who is currently simmering in my living room…

"There." Miroku finished bandaging my dominant hand. "Better?" I nodded, expressionless. "Good. Let's go have a drink or a smoke, yes?" I nodded once more. Miroku stood up first and held out his hand. I allowed him to help me to my feet.

I must have gotten up too fast; dizziness caught hold of me, along with Miroku.

"Sango?"

I closed my eyes and held onto him for dear life. I didn't feel real at the moment. Miroku was the only thing grounding me to the present.

The bathroom door opened.

"What the fuck are you two doing?!" Mei screeched.

I opened my eyes and Miroku and I turned to face her.

"Not a damn thing, Mei!" Miroku yelled back. His voice echoed in the small room and in my head.

"Miroku, you've done nothing but fucking be up her ass since we left the goddamn mall!" Mei shouted.

I wrestled out of Miroku's loosening hold and shoved past the two of them, angrily stomping around the corner and down the short hallway, through the living room, and straight to the kitchen, where I went immediately for Koga's leftover bourbon in my liquor cabinet. I smacked the ready shot glass off the counter and drank straight from the bottle.

I was back. Unfortunately.

The whispers were gone, replaced by a fiery ball of anger, igniting in my chest. I could hear Mei and Miroku shouting at each other from the bathroom, still. I took another, larger gulp of the burning liquor.

Miroku soon came around the corner, covering his ears with his hands, his face red with anger and embarrassment, as Mei followed him and loudly berated him. I wanted no part in this, at all.

They stopped in the middle of the living room and Miroku spun around to face her.

"Mei! Can you please just shut the fuck up and drop it?! Everything's about you! All the damn time! You never leave me alone! And you never trust me!"

"How the hell can I trust you, you fucking lecher?! You hit on anything that moves! You're always drunk or fucked up! And you're best friends with a girl!" Mei gestured toward me and I scowled back at her, angrily raising an eyebrow. I gripped the neck of the bourbon bottle with one hand and grabbed the edge of the counter with the other.

"Mei—"

"You've probably been fucking her the entire time we've been together! I know she used to like you!"

"No-! Mei—" Miroku put his hands on her shoulders, seemingly trying to hold her back.

And then Mei swung at Miroku. And she hit him. Hard. In the jaw.

"Fuck you, Miroku!" Mei then shoved him backwards, into my giant television set.

I could care less about the TV.

Something snapped inside of me.

"HEY!" I shouted; my voice felt coarse. "DON'T YOU FUCKING SHOVE HIM!" Not in my house, bitch.

I stomped over to Mei and Miroku and before I could even fathom what the hell I was doing, I swung the half-empty bottle of bourbon at the side of Mei's head. The bottle shattered and alcohol spritzed the room, coating my carpet and coffee table. Mei stumbled and nearly fell over. I caught her and slapped her in the face.

"What the fuck, Sango?!"

I grabbed Mei by the front of her shirt and slammed her into the wall. "Don't you 'what the fuck' me, you piece of shit!" She was slightly bigger than me and she struggled but I didn't let up. I slammed her against the wall once more and held my face mere centimeters from hers. I was pissed.

"If you ever lay your hands on Miroku again, I will fucking kill you, you got it?" I gritted my teeth and stared straight into Mei's empty, dark eyes until I could see the smallest sliver of fear.

"Sango—" started Miroku.

I looked over my shoulder at him, still not releasing my hold on Mei. "No, Miroku. Fuck this shit!"

Mei broke my hold and shoved me back, slapping me in the face before she did so. I stumbled back and she went for Miroku once more, flailing her fists at him. The young man held his arms up in defense. I sprung to action and put my arms around Mei's waist, pulling her away from Miroku and throwing her to the floor. I kicked her once then picked her up by the back of her shirt and a belt loop on her pants.

"You are NOT welcome in my house, Mei! Ever again!" I drug her to the front door, opened it and shoved her out, adding a literal kick in the ass for good measure.

Before I could lock the door, Mei forced it open once more.

"Fuck you guys! I'm fucking calling my mom and then I'm calling the cops!"

I shoved the door shut, catching her upper body with it. Her ugly head was still in my doorway.

"Call the motherfucking cops, then, you tweaking bitch! You're the one who assaulted Miroku! And now you're trespassing in my home! Get the fuck out!" I shoved her face and the rest of her out the front door, slammed it shut, and locked it behind me. My heart was pounding in my chest; I began taking deep breaths to calm myself.

I slumped against the door and could hear Mei cursing us from behind it. I felt her kick the door once or twice and I angrily slammed my fist against it myself.

Miroku cautiously approached me from down the hall.

"Sango….?"

I glared at him. I was honestly a little angry with him for bringing this psychopath into my home and into my life. Into his life. He was worth so much more than this. He could do so much better than someone like her…

I wish Kagura was here.

Sooner than I expected, but no less welcomed it, Mei stopped beating on my front door and cursing, signaling that her mother had finally come to pick her up. I never left my post at the front door. My best friend just stood before me the entire time, a petrified and somewhat broken look on his handsome face.

I looked up at him. "Miroku," I breathed, "Please tell me you'll break up with her." I couldn't hold his gaze for too long. I saw the tears in his eyes and I was done. I didn't want to cry, too. "Miroku…" I steadied my voice as best as I could, "She's not a good person. You've known that for a while… we all have…"

Miroku leaned against the hallway wall and slumped to the floor perpendicular to me. He stared straight ahead at the coat closet, his dark blue eyes transfixed on the faux wood.

"Miroku, please… She doesn't deserve you…"

Miroku turned away from me, curled into himself.

"Miroku…" I crawled over to him and put my hand on his shoulder. He visibly flinched. My heart broke.

"I'll do it…" he mumbled. Miroku looked at me over his shoulder, tears in his eyes. "I'll do it. I'll break up with her."

"You better." I couldn't hide the bitterness in my voice. "Miroku, why? Why did you stay with her for so long?! She fucking hit you!"

Miroku was quiet for a moment. He wouldn't look at me.

Several minutes of painful silence later, he finally spoke up. "Sango, it's because I don't want to be alone."

His words hit me like a ton of bricks. Not just the words themselves but the way he said it. I let the weight of his confession sink in for a moment and then scooted closer to him. I put my arm around his shoulders.

"Miroku…" He actually leaned against me and started to audibly cry. I reached across him and grabbed his hand. "You're not alone… and you won't be… You have me, and the boys, and Ayame, and Kagome-"

"Yes, but it's not the same!" sobbed Miroku. "I love you all! With all my heart! But—"

"It's not the same…" It made a lot more sense when I said it. I felt the exact same way.

Kagura's face flashed before my eyes, with her perfect smile and that playful glint in her gorgeous red irises…

She's not mine.

"I love you, Miroku." I pulled the sobbing boy close.

"I love you, too, Sango." But not like that.

We had our chance…

And now we were just two lonely ships, sailing past one another in the night.

Two years ago, I would have killed for a chance to share a bed with him. And by now, we had shared a bed, many times. Innocent cuddles and shitty jokes. Philosophical and drunken discussions. Any semblance of a could-have-been romance between us has since sifted to dust. We slept together, yes, but like brothers on a hotel bed.

I loved my best friend. My male best friend and first real crush. And I loved him as a best friend. And I cried with him for at least an hour that evening.

I was sober now, but Miroku was not. I allowed him to wallow in his sorrows and attempt to mend his broken heart with the remainder of the organic vodka we had purchased roughly three parties ago. It was all gone now.

"You need to do it, Miroku!" I stood before him as he sat on my couch, cell phone in one hand, empty vodka bottle in the other. "It's better to rip the bandage off!"

"But…" Miroku looked up to me. "What if she screams at me again?"

I rolled my eyes. "Fuck her, Miroku! Dump her ass and be done with it!" He opened his mouth in protest but I was quick to cut him off. "And if she doesn't answer or hangs up on you, leave her a voicemail and a text!"

I snatched the empty bottle from his hand and walked to the kitchen. "Call. Her." I dramatically dropped the bottle into the trash and poured myself a small cup of sake.

Miroku stood up and began pacing as he finally called Mei and waited for her to answer. After a few uneventful minutes, he hung up. "She didn't answer…" He innocently looked to me, sadness in his eyes.

"Call her back and leave a voicemail this time," I suggested, growing impatient. I checked my own phone, noticing that Kagura had messaged me back. I had reluctantly informed her of the recent showdown at my apartment.

Miroku called again and began pacing, again.

He was making me nervous.

I sipped on my beverage, watching Miroku like a hawk. He would do the deed. Mei had to go.

His face lit up with the most pathetic glimmer of hope. "Mei!"

I could hear her screeching at him through the phone the moment he said her name.

What should have been a simple break up notification soon turned into a shouting match. I couldn't take it. I downed my drink, grabbed my phone, a lighter, and my pack of clove cigars off the counter and stormed out the back door. I wanted to be as far away from that as possible.

My anxiety was spiking again. Not because of Miroku—not really, anyway. I hated it when people screamed at each other. The screaming reminded me of my parents; it reminded me of my mother… before she was taken away when Father divorced her…. And I hated seeing my loved ones in such distress. Especially when I was powerless to help them.

I craved destruction.

The anger and isolation that haunted my soul since I was sixteen longed for me to satisfy that terrible, animalistic need. The devil in my bloodstream that was bipolar depression, inherited with love from my mother, demanded I release my pent-up rage in the most destructive way possible.

I couldn't…

I didn't want to go back on the medication.

I fell to my knees and cried out to the clear night sky and shining stars above. I felt like the stars were mocking me, reminding me that everything I wished for would never come true.

I was brought out of my thoughts by feeling my phone vibrate in my pocket. I pulled it out and saw that Kagura had messaged me. Three times.

23:05: 'Is Miroku ok?'

23:07: 'Are you ok?'

23:28: 'Sango, I don't know what is happening there right now, but please know that I care about you and I hope you're safe. I wish I was there to be with you and protect you right now. I want so badly to be there for you. Please be safe. You take such good care of everyone around you and you have the biggest heart. When I come home, please let me take care of you, for a day at least. You don't always have to be the strong one.'

It was now 00:01. Dammit… I hope she didn't think something truly bad happened to either of us.

How far away had I walked anyway?

I was on my last cigar and currently standing in the parking lot of my old apartment building, the party pad, in the next neighborhood over.

It was already getting chilly out. I was thankful I was wearing the hoodie Kagura purchased for me a few days ago. I smiled at the thought.

Hmm…

I debated calling Kagura but ultimately opted against it. She didn't need this shit. She was on vacation with her family.

I began the lonely walk back to my apartment. I hope Miroku is alright…

Probably drunk as fuck.

I sighed.

My phone rang as I was cutting through the rental office lawn in my old community.

"Hello?"

"Sango!"

"Kagura?! Hey!"

She called me.

"Are you ok? I got worried… I'm sorry—I don't want to seem overbearing, but I just had a bad feeling… Are you guys ok?"

I wiped my eyes and cleared my throat. "Yeah… we're good." I took a deep breath. "How is the vacation?"

"It's pretty fun… I can tell you all about it when I come back. Right now, though, I want to be here for you. I'm so sorry Mei pulled that shit on you and Miroku…"

I laughed darkly. "Kagura… I whipped her ass."

Kagura laughed. "Oh?"

"Yeah… not sure if I'm proud of it or not… but she hit him, Kagura!" I could feel my chest tightening and my emotions flaring once more.

"What the fuck? You said they were just fighting in your text…"

"I didn't want to worry you…" I folded my arms across the metal fence surrounding the pool and gazed at the moon's reflection in the water. "I didn't want to scare you away…"

Kagura was silent for a moment. My anxiety heightened further.

"You're not going to scare me away, Sango."

I felt tears starting to fall from my eyes and tried so hard to keep my voice level. "No… Kagura, I'm fucked up. My friends are fucked up…"

"You're human, Sango. And you have emotions. You're so strong, you really are, but you don't have to be strong all the time." I let her words reverberate with my mind.

"Kagura, I hit a girl today… I broke a bourbon bottle over her head—"

"Because she attacked your best friend! And disrespected you both in your home! I would have done the same thing if someone had done that to Renkotsu!"

But I'm a monster, too, Kagura… I was spacing again…

"Sango? Sango! Are you there? Are you ok?"

"Huh? Sorry, Kagura… I'm here…"

"Listen, I'm here for you. I want to be here for you. I know you feel alone. I would like to change that. I can't promise you the world but I can promise you that I'm not going anywhere…"

Please don't lie to me, Kagura…

Please don't hurt me…

I think I believed her. I wanted to, in my heart of hearts. A certain shade of sincerity dripped from her voice with an urgency that I could almost feel.

"When I come home… you're mine for a day. Let me take care of you. You don't have to be everyone's super hero all the time."

"Okay…"

"Promise?"

"Promise."

"Okay, Sango. I'm going to let you go now, okay? Just promise me you'll take care of yourself until I return."

"I promise…"

"Good! I'll see you in a few days!"

"Same!" Idiot…

"Goodnight, babe. I'll text you tomorrow."

She called me babe.

I am shook.

"Good…night…" I hung up the phone and finished my trek back home, a bit more pep in my step and a little less crippling depression weighing me down.