DECEMBER 11 THURSDAY

Brussel Sprouts made everybody clip old grass into smaller bits of grass in buckets.

"The hell are we doing this for!" James complained, because he was made to use scissors. "We're wizards!"
"Some people just don't have much imagination," said Sirius.

But tedious classes enabled a lot of talking, they were great for scheming.

"So who else would want to ruin a yule disco if not Toady, right?" said James. "I guess you better use your flirting powers again."
"No way!"

"But I don't have your DNA given flirting powers."

"Oh please. Toady doesn't get any attention anyway so she'll jump at any bait, even yours."

"Hey I'm reasonably attractive. There's also the fact that, well, remember last year? We got your Fairy Godmother uncle to give Toady a makeover, so she'd win Hogwarts Next Top Model, but she didn't, everybody still hated her, she ruined everything AND the enchantment wore off?"

"None of that rings any bell."

"Toady was my," he shuddered at the memory. "She was my date. She was hot at the time, that is VERY important to keep in mind. Sum of the bum, she won't have been a fan of me since. I have of course never been a fan of her."

"But Prongs don't you see? This is why you have to do it!"
"I really don't understand!"
"You have a past together now! You're like her old flame!"
"It wasn't like that because she fancied you anyway and she probably still does! She, like us, was just in it for the popularity boost."
"You had most of the contact. From her perspective, you were the one who was interested. You had the connection."

"She knows that it was all pretend! I still can't throw things properly!"

"But she doesn't know it now. Look, if it's between you and me, you just seem like the better guy. She even said so."

"I am the better guy."

"There you go. Go and get her tiger. Don't worry! You won't be stuck with her for a date this time!"

"Can we at least flip a coin?"

"I would prefer rock scissors and paper because I'm better at it."

James won the rock scissors and paper. He always won rock scissors and paper, as well Sirius knew. He had tricked him. Manipulative bastard.

"Well here I go," James mumbled, miserable.

"Good luck. Just be careful so you don't discover she has a whole array of hidden depths and fall in love!"
"If it didn't happen last time it sure as hell isn't going to happen now!"
Toady was clipping grass in a bucket on the other side of the greenhouse.

"Hi!" said James. "Wow you're really good at clipping grass!"
"Thank you."

That was all she said. Well some things were difficult to respond to.

In any case, James was not here to beat any of the bushes.

"Listen. Here's the thing. I like you. A lot."

Of course just about everyone were eavesdropping and now James could hear them snicker in their garden gloves.

"Ignore them. They're all jealous of your strength and ambition. That's what we have in common, I think. We know what we want and we're prepared to do what it takes to get it. And I just want you to know that I don't think that your drive makes you any less of a... woman."

Clip clip. Some people always smiled. Toady was one of those people.

"I think you're right, actually. We do have that in common, don't we? We're not happy until we're at the top."
"I sure like... to be on top..."

God he hated himself for saying something so cheap. For a traditionalist prude Toady wasn't very easily offended by crass speech.

"You want me because I'm a prefect, don't you?"

"Yes. Definitely. The status, you know. And power. My respect for you is ginormous. And that's not ALL that is- Stop it! Stop it!"
More importantly, why was HE being offended by his own crass speech?

"So hey, do you want to go out after school or something? I often think about what we had... And what could have been."

"Ok. But again, if it's just a scheme to humiliate me, you will be sorry. Is that clear?"

"Sorry what? I was dazzled by your eyes."
His afternoon was going to suck.

X

It was lovely to stroll through Hog's Park this time of year. Cold, 'though.

"Are you looking forward to the yule disco?" James asked.

"I sure am!" Toady replied. "It's going to be perfect!"

What if they had misjudged her?

"Do you know how to do the hustle?"

"What's the hustle?"

"The needle and thread? Fish swimming past? Flying scissors?"

"Oh, do you mean the: The fly went there?"

That was a new one.

"That idiot Mundungus Fletcher calls it: The fly went up, the fly went down. What's behind the blinds? What's behind the blinds? Who even looks through the blinds like that?"

Who looked at flies like that?

"Well that's what's going to be so fun about the yule disco," said James. "No formalities..."

No minuets!

"It's all just about... Getting down with the groove! It's going to be far out!"
"I have a feeling that nobody is going to 'get down with the groove' at the yule disco."
"Why not?"

"Because there won't be a yule disco. Just a yule ball, with ball gowns and cravats."
"No it will most definitely be a yule disco."
"It won't be. Not without a disco ball."

She DID have it!

"MWAHAHA! Let's destroy it now!" said James.

"I don't know where it is."

"Don't you?"

"For you see, I can't know. If I knew, people would make me say it. Therefore nobody knows where it is."
"So how do you even know it is missing?"

Toady stopped.

"You didn't ask me out to find the disco ball, did you? I'm not stupid. I know who's arranging that disco."

"Sure I'm in the committee and that. But... Sometimes a friend has to do things to keep up appearances... for their friends. Do you see my point? That yule disco... That's more Sirius's baby than mine. I don't really care. I don't listen to disco music much anyway. All I care about is you. It's you I want. Right here and now, on that bench over there."
"Alright take me."

"Ok maybe not right here and now, but soon! Indoors."

"Ok let's go to my dorm now!"

"Great idea!"
It wasn't.

X

James scanned dormitory C for hints of dome shapes under duvets and towels. Toady was already stripping to her underwear. James covered his eyes, hoping somebody would just come and rescue him.

Poor Toady. She could hum all the stripper jazz music she wanted. It wasn't going to make her remotely pretty.

"Oh is that the time..," James backed towards the door.

"I'll let you in on a secret about that disco ball," said Toady.

Did James's eyes spy... a crate of rum in the corner? Perhaps, if he were to have ALL fifty bottles...

Then he remembered, that he could make himself legally blind by simply removing his glasses! Heureka! Without them he couldn't see a thing! He could pretend he was with Professor Lawson! (If he eliminated all hands.)
(And sense of touch.)

"What secret?" he asked, wiping rum from his mouth and feeling dizzy. He was so drunk already he could probably have gotten with a goat!

So he was on the way!
Toady shook her hair and removed her big glasses.

It had to be the rum talking, but...

Yowza! WHAT a difference it made!

Suddenly she looked like a super model!

But she wasn't the same super model she had been for a few hours at last year's dance event.

This was power hungry Toady. High-achiever Toady. Only-happy-when-on-top Toady. Inside a super model!

"I can't see a thing now, but that's not a problem," said Toady.

James's trousers dropped by themselves.

"DON'TDOITDON'TDOITDON'TDOIT!"

James was wrestled to the floor, but not by Toady, by Sirius.

"But look!" said James, pointing at a lamp post. He burped.

"Listen to you! Booze is not the answer! Besides we found the vial with Fletcher's liquid memory so come on!"
"You're right!" said James. "If a chap can't get it with someone WITHOUT resorting to booze..!"
He stomped out of dormitory C.

"Now where do we go. Where are my glasses? Padfoot? Padfoot!"
He marched back inside the dorm to pull Sirius out of there.

X

"Fletcher found the vial," Sirius explained in potions lab B.

James mourned the missed opportunities of his past.

"But she was SO HOT!"
"You're pissed and legally blind, who isn't pretty?"

"Without the big glasses, it's like she became a different physical being entirely! Not like, she DID become a different physical being entirely!"
"Yeah that was weird. Does the same happen when you take off your glasses?"

"That's racist. I honestly think I'm in love now. Why didn't I feel this way last time?"

"BECAUSE OF THE RUM!"
"NO IT'S HER PERSONALITY! BLEEERRRGGHHHH!"
Right in the sink, with the liquid memory.

"I'm not swimming in that," said Remus.

"Don't be such a baby!" said Sirius and pushed Remus's head in. Remus, in turn, grabbed Sirius by the collar and pulled him under.

Time and place transition. The chaps watched Fletcher grind eggshells with a pestle and mortar in the greenhouse. It was all very boring and eventless, until Toady turned up.

"Hello Mundungus," she said. "I just want to apologise for before."

Fletcher kept grinding his eggshells, acting nonchalant.

"Oh?"

"You are a better finder than I am. You are unbeatable. I was just jealous and threatened. You were the true winner of hide and seek last Wednesday."

"Aaaaand?"

"And I cheated. I kept sneaking after you the whole time and that does count as moving, even on a skateboard. I'd like to give you this as a peace offering."

Toady gave him a dripping paper bag that was ready to break.. Fletcher looked inside.

"Shrooms!" he exclaimed.

The chaps could smell them very strongly. To James: locker room, broom varnish and wet towel. To Sirius: croissants, smoke and ground coffee powder. To Remus: bubblegum, black tea and seaweed. To Peter: warm milk, banana and gran.

"These have a very strong mushroomy smell!" said Fletcher. "Why is the bag so wet?"

"I added salt to draw out the liquid. I was told it was customary."

"Who told you that?"

"The bloke I purchased them from. In that alley, you know."

"What you mean Ollie?"

"No the other one."

"Doug?"

"What was the one with the beard called?"

"Doug."

"Oh, are they both called Doug?"

"Yeah. If it wasn't for the beard it would get confusing."

Damn she was sneaky. Way too clever for a Hufflepuff.

"I hope the mushrooms are still alright," said Toady. "I don't know where I got the bit about the salt from."

"Maybe he mentioned bath salts."

"He did and I thought it was so weird for a junky to concern himself with bath salts, so I used regular salt. Please! Try one! I hope they're not too salty!"

Fletcher was more than happy to. He bit off the tip of a shroom and chewed it down.

Suddenly he had hearts in his eyes.

"Oh Toady! You're so beautiful! I've never noticed what a supermodel you really are!"
"I need you to do something for me," said Toady, with a cold smile.

"Anything my love!"

"I need you to steal a disco ball from dormitory M."

"Dormitory M? But that's-"

"It's in the Gryffindor tower. Have you been there before?"

"Have I!"

"Well, have you?"

"Boy have I?"

"Find the disco ball, steal the disco ball and hide the disco ball, ok? Hide it where nobody can find it."

"Anything for you but why?"

Toady's face become monstrous.

"Because I HATE disco!"

It was true. She wore a t-shirt that said Zeppelin Rules!, and there was no way she even listened to Led Zeppelin.

Toady stormed out of the greenhouse and the liquid memory transitioned into another liquid memory.

Fletcher was digging through the snow in dormitory M. Memory-Sirius didn't notice a thing, he was wearing that crown and looking in the mirror. Finally Fletcher managed to locate Sprout's genuine Earthenware bowl, the one she used for her hyacinths, and also the disco ball.

The liquid memory gave way for the next one.

Fletcher was walking down the forest with the disco ball. Maybe it was all the snow but the chaps didn't recognise this area. They would have remembered that gingerbread house.

Fletcher peeked through the gingerbread door and went inside. The chaps were about to follow, but the liquid memory just skipped ahead to the part where Fletcher came running out of there without the disco ball, terrified as if he had seen an undead pirate.